Monday, June 06, 2011

My Yard Goes Disney

Summer of Blogging, Day Eight

So, just finished dinner at the in-laws, and beside me, a refreshing glass of Cheerwine poured into a limited edition glass tumbler, with animated pictures of "The Great Muppet Caper" from McDonald's, circa 1981.

We just recorded, and are watching back, this show on HGTV... now I don't really watch HGTV, because every show on their schedule might as well be called "Kitchens and Backyards That You'll Never, Ever Be Able to Afford TV" or KABTYNEBATATV... in hindsight, I guess HGTV works better.

The show that would get me watching HGTV?

My Yard Goes Disney

Daddy Bradburn holds Little Tommy and says, "I can
tell he's laughing, because his drool is flapping back
on me!"  No, he really said that.
 Apparently, HGTV invited people from all over the country to make videos telling them why they deserved to have a Disney-themed backyard makeover.  The Bradburn family won, and they are getting an unbelievable prize...

A backyard with an 8 foot sorcerer's hat, a Tinkerbell themed teapot that serves as a playhouse, a Tinkerbell themed birdcage kids swing, flowers with kids pics in the middle and topped off with a freakin' train with 200 feet of track running from their backyard into Mawmaw's backyard next door, and of course back again.  All designed by genuine Disney Imagineers. 

They even have train cars and materials that meet the National Amusement Park safety standards... yes, they are hand cranked, but still. 

You know, Walt Disney himself had a train in his backyard, actually steam engine powered, and running through his own backyard... it wrecked, though no one was hurt.  Made me think, though, that back then, you could do that.  However, Walt trying to install a train in his yard and inviting kids from all over to come and ride it, even with his own daughters around, he'd get lots of suspicious parents about that "creepy Disney guy" and probably a few lawsuits when some punk kid wasn't paying attention and stubbed his toe... anyway...

Okay, so I would have totally played in this, even if it is a teapot.  Of
course, I would have played "V" or "GI Joe" or "Star Wars" because
let's face it... a Teapot Rebel Base is a rebel base nonetheless
(cue NBC's The More You Know jingle)
So, in this backyard, the amenties keep coming... The umbrellas match those you'd find on Main Street USA... the Sorcerer's Hat has blue, soft interlocking tiles along the floor... the teapot playhouse is carpeted... there is a flower bed in the middle of the yard yellow flowers making a Mickey, surrounded by red flowers...

Are you dadblamed kidding me?  This is why the terrorists hate us...

Leave it to The Lovely Steph Leann to be realistic... "What's going to suck is, in about three years or so, they are going to have to paint all this crap..."  That, of course, is a Blessed White People Problem...
It makes me wonder what happened to those completely stupid tricked out cars on Pimp My Ride... how many were stolen, and how many were repossessed or impounded for lack of insurance, because Billy could barely afford to drive a 1981 Honda Civic with a Kelly Blue Book value of around $575, so do you really think he can pay for the insurance on a revamped 81 Honda Civic with four flat screen tvs in the trunk, a juice maker in the glove box, a Bose sound system, leather seats (made with bits of real panther!) and a disco ball?  Nay nay, I say.  
So in other words, "My Yard Goes Disney" is ridiculous.  Over the top.  Absolutely unnecessary.  Probably priced their home out of its possible sale in their neighborhood.  Kids are completely spoiled.  And yes, when they install an Animal Kingdom playground in a yard next week, I'm totally watching.

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