The Lovely Steph Leann and I were sitting at dinner tonight, what we declared our "Anniversary Dinner", and it dawned on me. I've been married to her for over half the time I've known her... we met in 2000 briefly, then became friends in 2001, dating in 2003, married in 2004... I've known her just under ten years, and tomorrow, I'll have been married to her for six.
For those who want the full story of d$ and The Lovely Steph Leann, you can click here to go back to "A Love Story in Three Acts" from June/July of 2006. If the "click here to go to the next part" links don't work, you can just go into archives on the right sidebar, open up July 2006 and read from there.
Now that is pretty long... I'm told its a good read, but its a lot of reading, so if you want the shorter version, you can click here, but I must warn you that its not as accurate--The Lovely Steph Leann says the short version changes a few key facts here and there.
Anyway, anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis knows I talk about alot of different things, including those I consider the eyecandy of the world, be it The Goddess or Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, but anyone paying attention knows how much I adore and love my wife. I dote on her every chance I get, and though I'm sure I annoy the fool out of her--sometimes on purpose--she knows how I feel about her... and yet, sometimes, I just want to tell her again.
So, Sunday at about 2:30pm, we'll have been married for six years. Six of the longest best years of my life, six of the longest most fantastic years of hers. There's always one song that comes to mind when I think of our relationship, and God's plan for me, her and us as it was unfolding for us. "Bless the Broken Road" is kind of the epitome of what I'd have to say about my life before The Lovely Steph Leann... so, this is for you... Happy Anniversary baby. I love you.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
In celebrating our 5th anniversary, The Lovely Steph Leann and I decided to do two things we dearly love to do... eat great food and watch a movie.
After pulling a long, magical day at The Happiest Place in the Mall on Saturday, we went to PF Changs for a great dinner... it was a little tough at first, because after I dropped her off at the front door, I drove around looking for a parking spot. After driving around the lot for about five or six minutes, making one big circle, I found one, halfway between PF Changs and The Macaroni Grill (they share a lot, with each restaurant on each end) and patiently waited for a small Mercedes to pass by so I could swing into the spot. I even turned on the blinker, a customary way of saying "Hey man, I earned this spot, this one is mine".
Imagine my surprise when the little Mercedes pulled into the spot. I pulled up a little bit, and parked right behind him. I sat there for a minute, really unsure of exactly what I'd say to him when he got out, but he didn't. He stayed in his car. Finally, I drove off, out of the parking lot, and ended up parking half another lot over in the Barnes & Noble parking area. Then, I walked through the drizzling rain. When I found The Lovely Steph Leann, she was in line to claim our reservations we'd made, and I loudly told her, "I would have been here sooner, as I had found a great spot and was waiting on it. But some jerk in a Mercedes actually stole my spot."
The lady ahead of me turned around, smirking, and said, "Don't you wish you could just ram some people?" I replied, again loudly, "Yeah. But I'll get over it. If you do something like that, that must mean you're a jerk and not many people like you." Then I turned my head around a little, and said, "And if you're listen Mr. Mercedes, you're a jerk." Somehow that made me feel a little better.
After dinner, we walked over to the Barnes & Noble, since I was practically parked there, and browsed a bit... our plan was to go to a late movie, either "He's Just Not That Into You" or "Confessions of a Shopaholic", but considering I had KidStuf (our church's children's program) early Sunday morning, and both of us would have to be at church at 730am, and I still had a few lines to learn, we figured we'd get home a little earlier.
The reason we both had to be at church at 730am, and she couldn't meet me there later, considering she wasn't in KidStuf this morning? Because Toni Rocki Honda decided not to start yesterday, so she's got to go in for a check up.
But, it was a moot point anyway, because I received a call at 645am from our KidStuf director Tamara to say because of the Blizzard of 2009, KidStuf was cancelled. So, "see ya at church at 930!". For me, it wasn't that big of a deal, cause I was asleep when she called, and I could go back to sleep. Of course, before I went back to sleep, I had to get up to tell The Lovely Steph Leann we didn't have to be at church until 930. She was in the shower. She then had about 2+ hours to get ready for church. Not a happy wife.
All that is to say, since The Blizzard of 2009, most afternoon activities at church were cancelled, opening up the afternoon for The Lovely Steph Leann to go check out both of the movies we wanted to see.
First up was "He's Just Not That Into You", an ensemble comedy starring, among others, Drew Barrymore, Justin "I'm a Mac!" Long, Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. Ensemble movies are always tricky, only because when you have just a few stars in the show, you probably have just a single plot, perhaps a subplot (unless its "Spiderman 3", in which you've got 34 subplots). With an ensemble cast, you have many plots that somehow all need to tie together.
The addition of "Friday, I'm In Love" by The Cure definately adds to the whole trailer
"He's Just Not That Into You" is a relationship comedy based on the self-help book that was based on a line from an episode of "Sex & the City", the episode called "Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little", and is a book about relationships, break-ups, hook-ups and so on. I've never actually read the book, but I might pick it up sooner or later.
The star of the movie is Ginnifer Goodwin, who absolutely looks radiant as Gigi, a girl who just wants a guy to like her, and is continually embarrassed as she continually misreads signals about all the guys who won't call her back. You might know her from "Big Love", the Mormony drama on HBO, and especially from "Walk the Line" as Vivian Cash, Johnny's first wife.
The movie moves from character to character, each with their own lives issues and problems. Gigi can't get Connor (Kevin Connolly) to call her back after their first date, so she ends up leaning on womanizer Alex (Justin Long) for advice, but also on her co-workers Janine (Jennifer Connelly) and Beth (Jennifer Aniston). Beth has her own problems with her boyfriend Neil (Ben Affleck), because they've been dating for 7 years, but he won't marry her. Janine has it even worse, as her husband Ben (Bradley Cooper) has begun to take an interest in another girl, Anna (Scarlett Johansson), who happens to be in an on again/off again relationship with Connor, and is best friends with Mary (Drew Barrymore). You got all that?
Chicks doing what chicks do when they are around other chicks... gossip and talk about boys. And feelings.
While Gigi is the character that gets the most face time in the flick, the film does bounce around from story to story, while intersecting their lives to make the transition a little easier. By no means will this film be up for any sort of award come 2010's award season, but at the same time, the film did what it was supposed to... it made me laugh. It made me smile. It made me like some of the characters, it made me dislike some of the characters, it made me remember that Scarlett Johansson is truly a member of my Angelina Jolie Club (chicks that the world tells me I should fawn over, but truly don't find all that attractive), and it made me dig Ginnifer Goodwin... Gigi is the type of girl you want to end up with.
If there was a lowpoint of the movie, it was the indictment on the failure of marriage. The entity of marriage isn't praised all that much, and only in one single scene towards the end is marriage even looked upon as a good idea... personally, I can dig marriage. But thus the difference in a Christ follower and the World.
After the credits rolled, we strode out of theater 10 and down to theater 12, with The Lovely Steph Leann making a restroom pit stop and me making a stop at the refreshment stand for a pack of Twizzlers, a Cocola and a movie combo.
Along the way, we saw the trailers for "Transformers 2", "Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince" and "Sunshine Cleaning", three movies I'm really looking forward too.
Fisher portrays Rebecca Bloomwood, a girl who shops all the time and practically goes into fits of ecstasy when she sees the name brands on the shelf, like Gucci, Prada, Yves St. Lauren and the like. She almost passes out when she finds out how much she has charged on her credit cards, and the problem is intensified when she loses her job at a gardening magazine.
Her dream job is being a journalist at the prestigious fashion magazine Alette, but to get there, she has to take a job working at a lower end magazine under the same company. The magazine? Successful Savings? The job? Writing a column about finance that the "common folk" can understand.
The movie then follows her escapades as she attempts to move in the company, impress her boss/love interest, magazine editor Luke Brandon (Hugh Dancy), compete with rival Alicia (Leslie Bibb-Ricky Bobby's wife in "Talladega Nights"), prepare for the wedding of her roommate Suze (Krysten Ritter) and, in the part that I found the most enjoyable, avoiding an insanely persistant debt collector (Robert Stanton).
Rebecca finds a pair of cashmere gloves perhaps too tough to pass up
I did find myself enjoying this film, though I noticed it couldn't decide if it wanted to be a slapstick comedy (mannequins coming to life, trying to talk her into buying things or random slipping and dropping food onto expensive dresses) or if it wanted to be taken seriously as a romantic comedy (the chemistry between Luke and Rebecca, the struggle of a single girl trying to make it, etc).
Another thing I couldn't get past was Joan Cusack playing Rebecca's mother, opposite John Goodman as her father. I grew up watching Joan and brother John in various movies, so I know she's not that old... as a matter of fact, Joan Cusack is 14 years older than Isla Fisher...
If anything, the entire movie speaks to the current obsession with credit cards, and how we are a spend-spend-spend-pay-for-it-later nation (a tradition proudly being observed by President B. Hussein Obama), and as the movie does point out, there are consequences to be had. Bills, debt collection, past due notices, credit card company's ridiculous APR policies and yes, shopping addictions are all taken on in this film...
...and while I've got the platform, it should be noted that the debt collector, Robert Smeath, not only shows up at Rebecca's work and causes a scene, he shows up at her door, he threatens her, he encourages his fellow collectors to use humiliation tactics if necessary and there's a scene toward the end where he tries to destroy Rebecca's entire career... this is all illegal under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a law that protects those who owe money to companies. However, either most credit card debt collectors are literally too stupid to know this law, or they figure YOU are too stupid to know this law, so they break it routinely in real life every day. If you have had any of these things happen to you, or worse, you should know your rights.
I'm still trying to figure out to which level I like Isla Fisher. I cannot figure out if she's a poor man's Amy Adams, who I am in love with, or if Amy Adams is a poor man's Isla Fisher... either way, the fact that Isla shares a bed with Sacha Baron "Borat" Cohen doesn't lend itself to currying favor with me.
Final thoughts? I recommend "He's Just Not That Into You" as a theater movie, and "Confessions of a Shopaholic" as a rental, though with either one, I can't imagine needing all the amenities that a $9.25 ticket will buy you, so rent 'em both.
By this time, I was rooming with Michael, Shawn and Tom in The Deuce. I had already kinda sorta gone out with Leslie Cordell (which Leslie, nor even Stephanie, doesn't know how God worked in that situation)...) earlier that year, and hadn't really done much on the dating scene. I had also been sending out what I called Random Emails of Encouragement, a little God-inspired essay I would write from time to time. Amy was on my Encouragement email list, don't ask me how, and in one particular one, I had mentioned Sybil Johnson's Bible Study...
Let me 'splain. Sybil Johnson is a lady here in town that has a deep heart for high school and college kids, and opens her home up once per week for a Bible study. I had been going for a while--Michael took me--and its where I had met the likes of Tommy McLeod, Amy Vos, Jill Berthon and Shawn Sharp, who eventually became one of my Deucemates.
...and drew the writing from whatever had happened that night. I'm sitting in my room at The Deuce, and randomly, the phone rings. Its Amy. I sit up, and smile, "Well, hey, how are you?" and she says "Hey" back. We chat for a moment, all the while I'm puzzled as to why she's called me now. This is not someone I expected to hear from, like, ever again. Of course, I laughingly ask the question that I ask all girls who have been dating awhile... "You married yet?"
Silence.
Suddenly, there is uncontrollable sobbing and crying on the other end of the phone. "Hey hey... calm down," I say softly. "Amy, what's wrong?" She tells me that she and Craig have broken up. My first question should have been "Why are you calling me?", but I knew the answer to this question already. I simply say, "Calm down... talk to me. Tell me what's going on."
She starts telling me the story of how she and Craig had split, and it wasn't pretty at all. I do remember details, but honestly, its not important here... I ask her if she is in Tuscaloosa, and she says yes, and then I ask her if she wants me to come to her. Initially, she says yes, and I'm already putting socks on, but then she stops and says, "No... don't do that. Its too late tonight. I just wanted an ear to cry into." I ask her if she's sure, and she says yes... then she asks me about Sybil's Bible study, and if we can bring guests. I told her, "Of course. Would you like to come?" She says she would, and we set it up for her to come to Birmingham in a few days for Bible study.
I hung up the phone and collapsed into my pillow. You have to be freakin' kidding me, God. You have to be kiddin' me.
I have butterflies the size of Hyundais when she pulls up in The Deuce parking lot. I watch her walk down the sidewalk and disappear in the doorway to our building... I take a deep breath and open the door before she can even knock. My heart melts and flies at the same time as the only girl, at the time, I'd ever loved stood before me. We go to Bible study, have a good time, I mention in prayer requests that "I have a friend who's really having a hard time with her life right now" (to which Amy smiles and squeezes my hand--she knew I was referring to her) and we come back to The Deuce.
As I walk her out, we stand in the parking lot and she begins to open up about Craig. Finally, we sit on the curb, as we talk for about three hours, 'til early in the morning. I finally ask her two questions... first, why call me? She answered like I thought she would... "Because I knew of all the people in the world, you'd be there for me, David. Somehow I knew you would."
Then I ask the killer question... "Why did you drop me? Why, after all we had that summer, did you just leave me in 1998? Amy, you broke my heart."
She had a sad look in her eye, and simply said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. You were perfect. You were everything I needed, everything I wanted, but I was just stupid, and I didn't know how to handle it. I figured the best thing to do was just not talk to you anymore, and it would all go away. I'm so sorry I hurt you... I'm so, so sorry."
I looked at her. "I want to be your friend, Amy. I want to be here for you." She smiled and said, "I really need that. I really need you to be there for me, more than anything right now." The smile left my face and I continued, "But if you leave again, if you drop me again, if you decide that you don't want me anymore, even as your friend, don't ever come back. Don't call me anymore. I don't know that I could take it." (truthbeknown, at the time she could have dropped me and returned a year later, then repeated this process five times over and I still would have been there for her... again, at the time)
Yes, yes, this sounds like a script from a movie. Or a cheesy romance novel. But this is what transpired in The Deuce parking lot in September of 2000, right around the time my future wife Stephanie was about to turn 23.
I had never been to a real college football game, or at least one that didn't happen in Troy, so Amy decided to fix that. She took me to the Alabama-Ole Miss game, and I got to sit in the student section--and it was awesome. I was rooting for Alabama because I picked them in this football game we started that same fall, The DFC, though I didn't let her know thats why I was cheering them on.
All through the fall, we hung out several times, had phone conversations that lasted until early morning time, and generally, it was a good fall. While I wasn't dating Amy--I didn't feel right about moving in so quickly after Craig left her, so I was being patient--I didn't go out with anyone else either. There was this cute girl named Stephanie Campbell that came to Sunday School one Sunday, but she never came back. Mostly, it was just hanging out with Amy.
The 2000 Election was that November, and Amy was there with myself, Shawn, Tom, Mikey, Drew, Ty and a few other people, and I was about to pass out. Shawn had started talking to Amy in his room, and it kind of agitated me--she was my guest, darn it--so I just went to bed. About 2am, she knocked on my door and came in. "Sorry about that... Shawn was just talking away..." she smiled. I let my frustrations be known, how I understood that all the guys liked her here, and she liked all the guys... but I really wanted her time. She smiled and said, "Don't worry... you and I have a history. Nothing's going to come between that."
She also got us tickets to the Iron Bowl, my first one. Michael, Wookiee, Tom and Shawn all came for $50 per ticket, but Amy covered mine... hey, we had history. Auburn won a cold, miserable 9-0 game, and we cheered, even in the midst of the Bama student section. Looking back, its a wonder we didn't get shot. Amy was quite frustrated with all of us, especially me, for doing this... I couldn't help it.
Finally, in January, I was watching television. We were still recovering from the 50+ people we had in our apartment for the first Deuce Christmas Party, one which Amy couldn't make, so the place was still a mess. Amy had emailed me something, I don't remember what, but something snapped in me. This was it. I was tired of dealing with it, I was tired of thinking about it, so I just picked up the phone.
"Hello?" "Hey Amy" "Oh, hey Dave, whats up?" "I gotta talk to you for a second" "Is everything okay?" "Yes, just listen." And with that, with Shawn thumping the bass two rooms over and Mikey and Tommy watching tv in the next room, I said the following: "Amy, I love you. I've been in love with you since that night we had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's. Maybe even before that, I dunno. I just know it broke my heart into a thousand pieces when you suddenly quit talking to me in Summer 98... (she started to say something, but I cut her off)... no, let me say this. It broke my heart, and I thought I was done with you, but when I saw you that night, I knew how I felt. And when you called me last September, it all came back. I almost don't care what you'll say to this... I actually want you to tell me its never going to happen, just so I can stop hoping and move on with my life, but there. I'm in love with you. I said it."
Silence.
"Wow... I don't know what to say...I..." "Well, you can say that its never going to happen between us, for starters. Then, I can move on. Anything else, though perhaps welcome, would be really complicated." "I... I, uh... you caught me off guard, David...."
Now, with that, the conversation ended pretty quickly. She was stunned. I was stunned that she didn't know any of this. Was she that blind?
I hung up the phone and smiled. I had said it. To me, it was over. If she loved me, she would have said so, right? I could move on, marry, make kids and live a happy life. She called me back a few days later.
And she said the following: "David, I've been thinking about what you said, and I wanted to talk to you for a minute. (I started to say something, but she cut me off)... No, you said your piece, let me say mine. It makes me smile that you love me. You have been so amazing. You have loved me more unselfishly than anyone I've ever met. Not my friends, not my parents, certainly not Joel or Craig or any other guy. Even when I treated you like crap, you were there for me... that's true love, and I thank you for it... even love you for it... But... its not there. And its so hard to say that its not there, because I want it to be so badly... I've prayed to God that He would help me feel that way about you... I want to. I know you would treat me like a Godly husband should and be everything I could ever want or need... but its not there. I've thought about this, I've prayed about this, I've... I don't know. I don't think its going to happen, but not because I don't want it too... but because God doesn't want it too."
You would think that that statement would be a daggar into my heart, much like the one I had experienced years before... but it wasn't. It was a weight that sudenly fell off of my shoulders.
With that statement, I knew two things... yes, I loved Amy Wible, but I knew that I finally had total peace over the fact that it was not meant to be. And secondly, I knew that our friendship was close to running its course. After almost five years, the Season of David and Amy was over.
Though we spoke again on the phone, the calls became less frequent, until finally, they just went away. That February, she was my date to the first Deuce Date Party, and later on in summer, she did come to the WalkAbout Dinner Theater (middle school drama team) that I had directed... what was funny was that she and Stephanie Campbell sat at the same table, and later, with some other people, came to the Deuce. I had Amy and Stephanie in the same room for about half an hour... looking back, it was almost like Amy could have said "Hey, I've had him for five years... now its your time, Stephanie"
Amy did invite me to her going away party--she was headed to Texas to seminary, now that she had graduated Alabama. Both Shawn and I went. As the party wound down, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek--the first time I'd ever kissed her--and said goodbye. And that "goodbye" was not for the night... but for all.
And though I spoke to her a few times after that, that night was the last time I ever saw Amy Wible.
"A Chance Meeting" By 1997, I'd been out with the girl who is now the current Huntsville ABC station executive producer, the chick who is cousin to former Miss America Heather Whitestone, and even more. I dated alot. Not bragging... like I said, some of it, I wish I could take back.
I did go out with a girl named Chrissy... I just went to her webpage... its sublime. I remember when she was learning Spanish. I was actually on the NYC mission trip--my first of three to come--where Chrissy & her husband met, so hey, I was there from the beginning. I heard they recently became parents--good for them!
Incidentally, Chrissy was also part of the streak I had going where when the relationship ended, the girl married the next guy she dated after me. Chrissy (married Drew, a fraternity brother) Heather Howell (married Nathan Carroll, another fraternity brother), Melanie Jackson (married Tim Spooner a year or two later) and so on. The common joke around my female friends was "Hey Dave, date me. I want to get married later." Yeah, thanks.
Sidebar: It was God working through Chrissy that not only taught me about the Christian Walk, but it was God working through Chrissy that taught me a love of Christian drama. It was that love that God used to lead me to Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and God used to help encourage the drama talents of Andrea Brobst, Scott Latta, Jaci Gresham, The Fine Girls, The Kelley Girls, Garrett & Paige Cheney, The Long Twins, The Noland Sisters and even more. So in short, I throw it all back to Chrissy. You'll never know the impact you had.
1997 was a good spring. I had been selected to go onto the mission field in Montgomery, and work with the Montgomery Baptist Association--and get this... it was PAID mission work. My supervisor, Debbie, was even nice enough to let me have an evening off, because I had tickets to see "Les Miserables" in Atlanta (I took Chrissy...). It was fun work, playing with kids, helping a youth group in Millbrook and so on...
Well, one day in July of 1997, I'm sitting in my Wookiee's room, because he owned the only computer in the cramped place at Thomas Circle Apartments. I'm on AOL 2.0, using my screen name The Tan Guy, and basically goofing off, looking for conversation online. It's late in the evening, I'm not even sure where Chris is, but I find this chick online named Amy. Find out she's from Montgomery. We talked online for about five hours, into the early, early hours of the morning. I think Chris actually came home, and when I asked him if I should get off the computer, he just grunted, which is Wookeese for "I don't care what you do, but if you wake me after I pass out, I'll eat you". For whatever reason, Amy and I agreed to meet the next day at the Eastdale Mall for a movie.
Remember, this is 1997... AOL is very young, I'm in Troy, Montgomery is 40 miles away, and meeting someone from the internet is still a very, very geeky thing to do. But hey, I'm single, so why not? The next morning, I wake up with a headache--I get that when I am awake too late, then don't get up early enough. I have Amy's phone number, and am supposed to call her and confirm the time we're meeting. Part of me is holding my head, thinking "I'm calling and canceling... what am I doing? What if she's a schnauzer?" But, I call her, set a time and we agree to go see "George of the Jungle". I tell her what I'm wearing, she shares the same so we can spot each other. On the way to Monkeytown, I make my shallow plan to sit and wait for her at the mall, and if she walks in and I don't like what I see, I walk. No muss, no fuss. Better to stand up this chick I barely know then to have to fake nice.
I sit on a bench near the Eastdale Mall theater and wait for her to come. I see a few people that I'm glad I'm not meeting, I imagine I'd seen one or two that made me think "Oh, if this is her, my life rocks!!!" Finally, she came in. About 5'5, probably tipping the scales at 120, brown hair and a big smile. It was Amy Wible. And I liked her from the first moment I saw her. We shook hands, talked for a minute, then went into the theater. Movies are always risky first dates, because it forces silence. This can be a good thing, if the date is awkward, but it can be a bad thing if the conversation is going well.
The conversation went well, the movie went well and we walked out together, still sizing each other up. She had just graduated from high school, I was two months away from 22. She was headed to the U of Alabama in the fall, was playing flute in the Million Dollar Band, and was a Christian. After the movie, we hopped in her truck (!) and she took me over to a friend of her's to hang out a little while... and we did. We talked, laughed and had fun, and at the end of the evening, she brought me back. She asked me to call her again, I told her I would.
Turns out, Debbie (the supervisor) and Amy went to the same church... when she heard that I was going out with Amy, Debbie approved. She even said once "Oh, yes, you're the one Amy's been talking about. She really likes you." I got to go to church with Amy once, to hear her sing Nicole C. Mullen's "Redeemer", of which she did just a slam bang job.
The next month or so is a blur. We went out a couple of times, though it was hard to get to Montgomery to see her...by late July, she was up in Tuscaloosa. Once, I went to my friend Allyson's house, living in Alabaster, and cooked dinner. I took it to Tuscaloosa, and Amy and I had a picnic at a park, which was great. Another time, myself, Wookiee & Allyson went up to T'town to visit Amy and her roommate Kristi (who, if I remember correctly, had a crush on me...). I would send Amy little verses and cards for encouragement and such, just for fun.
She told me in a phone call that her new Blessid Union of Souls cd had broken, so the next time (which turned out to be the last time) I went to see her that summer, I came to save the day. Here I was with a new copy of the newest Blessid Union of Souls cd (remember that song about racism, "I Believe", or that goofy song "She likes me for me!" that namedrops Leonardo deCaprio? Yeah, thats them.)
But somewhere in the middle of August, when school started, Amy stopped returning my calls. Kristi didn't tell me much when I talked to her on the phone, other than "I'm sorry... I wish she'd get her head together..." kind of stuff. Found out Amy had a boyfriend, or so I heard. I shrugged it off, picked up my hurt feelings and moved on. I mean, it happens, right? You like someone, they sort of like you, then you find out they don't, it stings for a day, or maybe a week, but life goes on. And for me, it did.
Exposition "Cindy" Cindy was my high school girlfriend... I lived in Samson (pop. 2071), she lived in the nearby town of Coffee Springs (pop. 251--no, I'm not kidding), and is a year older than I. Most people think my graduating class of 45 was tiny--see the recent "We Want the Funk(hauser)" column--but her graduating class was 17. We both worked together at The Wright Place restaurant, a family owned establishment that I started at when I was 15. Flash forward a year & a half later, I'm 17, I meet this girl named Cindy over Christmas and my crush is on.
Now, I'd had crushes before on Stephanie Phillips (at who's wedding I actually saw Leann Corby, my first date from Troy State in some weird twist of... fate... am I actually rhyming?), Leslie Whigham(who I see weekly now at Starbucks... who knew?), a crazy crush on Julie Wise (the infamous Samson High School "Dave/Rona/Ryan/Julie/Jody/Leigh love triangle-angle-angle of 1992"... ask me, and I'll explain it...) but my crush on Cindy was different? Why? Well, sadly enough, she actually said yes when I asked her out.
So we went to see Wayne's World--yes, the first one--on February 15th, 1992. I wore jeans and a green turtleneck that looking back on, I would smack myself for doing. I remember it. Turns out, she had a boyfriend named Todd Wheeler. Cindy and I went out again later, several more times, all the while she seemed to still be hanging out with big, ugly Todd. Let me just tell you--this guy was a total loser. Seriously... he was hairy, he looked like a monkey, his truck was High Tech Redneck all the way. So, she chose him in the long (short?) run, even after I took her to my junior prom, she took Todd to hers, and so on.
Then we got back together. Then we broke up. Then she went to college, and we still we still dated. Then we broke up. She went on to Troy State in the fall, and I went to see her on a rainy Saturday. She was too busy to come down and see me, so I decided to tour the campus myself. I loved it. Loved the grounds, loved the area, loved the stadium, loved the journalism school, loved it all... so I applied, and got in. (Of course, being God, who's to say that God didn't use my relationship with Cindy to bring me to Troy, where I would be led to Jesus in 1995, much like He worked through another girl to lead me to Birmingham)...
Anyway, I thought we were done. Christmas Day, 1992, we went out again, this time to go bowling. And this time, there was no Todd Wheeler... she liked me. I got my first kiss and we were dating for real. Things were going alright for a while, then one day she came through Samson on a Saturday morning with some of her college friends, including this really tall, hairy guy who also looked like a monkey. She apologized later for that, so we went out again. Then we didn't. Then we did. I invited her to my senior prom, she said yes.
During my off again periods with Cindy, I ended up going out with a few other girls here and there (some of which are dates I would love to have back), and had asked out Angie Jay (who said yes initially, until Bradley Miller spread it all over school that we were dating, so she retracted--there were about 300 from 6th grade to 12th grade, so when I say "all over school", I literally mean "all over school"), and heck, even got up the nerve to ask out Julie Wise (who said no) but I always kept going back to Cindy. I even took back my prom invite, asking Amy Farris instead.
Amy said yes at first, then a day later, she said "I know you really want to take that Cindy girl, so go with her". So I took Cindy to prom... I had a blast. She was a stick in the mud, so I left her at the table and had a good time on my own. Then, a few days after that, I found out the previous January, a week or so after we had our first kiss, she had gone out with some other guy--the same tall, hairy guy that was with her in the group going to the beach... she even kissed him. So, as far as I was concerned, we were done.
At least, until I got to Troy State the following September, and we went out again, though this time I almost didn't care. Not knowing anyone, I became friends with Cindy's friends, and she took offense to this--she treated me like crap, really. So, we're done now. I'm over it, if only because Troy is a brand new world and there are tons of fish in the sea--heck, this is the freakin' Pacific.
I had dinner with Ginny Kochan from Wisconsin, which was awesome... well, it ended up later as a disaster, (begatting The Ginny Kochan First Law of Dating), but at first, I was excited. I went that weekend to work at the restaurant, and mentioned to someone "Hey, I had dinner with this awesome chick named Ginny..." Well, upon hearing it, Cindy got mad. She felt as if I was going out with other people to get even with her, which didn't help her anger when I actually laughed at her for saying it. "You're kidding me, right?" I laughed. "You actually think I care enough about you at this point to date someone to just get even with you?" Yeah, that didn't help either.
Moved on from Ginny to go out with Labett White (her name was Mary Beth, but her little brother could only spit out "Labett") that winter, something that lasted all of two weeks. I actually had a crush on Adrienne Benton, who was a close friend to both me and Labett, but that wasn't going to happen... anyway, in the spring of 1994, I met Chris Fulaytar(you may know him as Wookiee, but that nickname came after)... and though I didn't date him, nor did I have a crush on him, this was a key point.
He was dating Anna Ayers, commonly known now as "The Wench", while I was dating Katherine Gates, commonly known now as "The Absolutely Freakin' Psycho Katherine Gates" (those are two stories that are for another day), and both The Wench and Katherine lived in Hamil Hall with a party-going Mormon named Erin and a country bumpkin named Alyson.
Up in Hamil Hall one day, with both of us visiting our chicks-at-the-time, Chris and I were sharing dating stories one day, and I found out he knew Cindy Howell, as they were both involved in ROTC on campus. Heck, he even dated her. Then I found out he dated her in January of 1992. Then I found out he had come with Cindy and friends to the beach, and had stopped in at The Wright Place for breakfast. So yes, he was the guy who Cindy had made out with, in the midst of going out with me... and Chris and I both laughed heartily about it. We even became roommates the next year... and for three years after that. And a decade later, he served as the best man in my wedding, and I in his.
Cindy and I didn't speak for 18 months. Know that Troy's campus was not all that big, so we saw each other quite frrequently... we would pass by in the halls of McCalla or Wallace, look at each other and just keep going. Until one day... I finally called her. When I mentioned I was roommates and best friends with Chris Fulaytar, she got really quiet, which I enjoyed thoroughly... but anyway, we made up. (No, not like that). I was a sophomore, she was a junior, we both had grown up a little bit, so we didn't go out again.
I gotta say, though, we were high schoolers, and young college kids... its like a world away at this point. I say that because to her credit, when we finally reconnected, she was a different person. She apologized profusely for everything over and over, I apologized for everything, and we became really good friends. The next year, I went to see her in Biloxi, Mississippi where she was stationed (she was in the Air Force for a few years) and visited my first casino (won $15 on the nickel machines... and honestly, the last time I ever gambled, aside from a lottery ticket every now and again).
At this point, Cindy was just fantastic to be around. And still is. Did I love her? I told her I did. However, I don't know if I can count that, because I was 17 at the time. Did I know what love was? I don't think so. That's not saying that people who are 17 or 18 can't know what love is all about... I just know I didn't.
Throughout the next few years in college, I went through a series of relationships, dating a few Julies, a Melanie, a Heather, a couple of Jennifers, having a big crush on a Kathy (who liked Jarred, for some reason... what is it with girls who like guys who are jerks? Is this a national thing, or just southern? Do nice guys do something to turn girls this way? We should do a study.) which turned into a "Some Kind of Wonderful" story when I ended up liking Lisa Murphy instead and, oh yes, this chick named Chrissy--which is important because those of you who are spent time on WalkAbout should thank God this girl existed.
I started writing this around the beginning of May. I started to post it as I wrote, but I remembered a story called "Darby Rutledge" that still begs for an ending, so I thought perhaps I should write it all out before I release any of it. So, I did. It was intended to be three posts, but I realized I couldn't tell the story the way I wanted to tell it in three posts, or else they would be looooong posts. So, while we still have three acts, I'm breaking it up into scenes as well, and will be posted daily for the next week or so. Stephanie and I discussed this as well... my fear would be someone in the audience would say to her "Are you okay with stuff he wrote?", and when confronted with that worry, she told me "Its your story. Write it how you want to." To me, thats not so much as a "write it how you want to" as it is a "I trust you that you'll say what you want to say in an appropriate manner". So I hope I have done so. Of course, the question begs "Why even write it?" and I answer that in two ways... one, I found out some news that made me smile, but made me think, and finally made me want to write it out... and two, its my blog site. I can write as I want. I do hope, however, you stick around... and maybe even post your thoughts. I took me a year to get my dozen or so faithful readers, so I don't want to miss that. If you aren't interested, check back next week. So without further ado, I give you "A Love Story in Three Acts: Exposition"
I'm almost 31 years old, and can honestly say that I've been in love twice. I've given my heart away two different times, once when it wasn't accepted, and once in 2004 when she gave me hers in return. I've said "I love you" five times in relationships--Cindy Howell, Katharine Gates, Amy Worthy, Amy Wible and Stephanie Campbell... the first time I sort of meant it, maybe, but who knows. The next two I don't like to admit it, because I didn't mean it... I prided myself on not tossing around "I love you" in relationships, but with those two, I did. The last two--yes, I meant it. We'll get to all of these.
Love stories are something different... something God given. Several of my readers won't have one yet. Perhaps a couple of you might have one, but you aren't sure... some of you have your own, maybe even several. I know Michael's love story with Susan Neese didn't pan out so well... but his with Ashley did. I'd like to think that Tommy, Amy, Michael and others can happily bear witness to the love story that happened between Steph and I (thats in Act 3, by the way).
Then again, some of you have a love story that didn't turn out so well, and are still waiting for the one that does. Or still waiting for one, period. It happens.
I found out the center of my first love story recently got married. I'm happily married to Stephanie, and have been for over two years, and yet when I heard this news, I twinged. Not a bad thing, just more of a reaction like Ocean's Twelve, when Rusty's car blew up, and he just turned around in classic Brad Pitt fashion, tongue-in-cheek and said, "...huh...". Like that.
And then it hit me... my proverbial circle had just clicked, and somehow, there was closure. Don't know why there wasn't before, she wasn't someone I thought of with loving eyes anymore, not by years, and yet it was like those five years were finally finished. And I smiled. And I was very, very happy for her.
Heartbreak is something a little different, I think. Its a nasty bugger to go through, though I still maintain that everyone should suffer through it once. If you never have your heart shattered, you'll never fully appreciate it when its whole and complete. Let's not overspiritualize it by the ol' "Only God can make your heart complete"... yes, thats true. But human emotion and human heartbreak is still very powerful.
The aforementioned newly married girl broke my heart once. Several years later, someone else did so in a completely different manner, so I've had to deal with it twice. Heartbreak takes closure and/or time to push through... the first one happened many years ago, giving me the time to be fine with it, so the closure was an added bonus. The second? I'm still waiting for enough time to pass, or closure to come.
Don't take this as "Man, he should just get over it, he seems unhappy", because I'm over it--and very happy with the life God has blessed me with thusfar. If I died tomorrow, God will have given me everything I could have ever hoped for and more, including Stephanie, whom I love so deeply and remind her of it often. She's amazing, unselfish, beautiful and the missing piece to me that God intended.
Anyway, to begin, I'd like to tell you my love stories, starting with one that isn't quite a love story, but sort of is. Her name is Cindy.
