The Curse of Sikes & Kohns Country Mall

Here's a few little stories to share...

HAVE A SIX FLAGS DAY
I recently purchased a Six Flags season pass.  I haven't been to Six Flags in many years, since Goliath was brand spanking new, and I remember two things about that middle school trip I went on... first, Goliath was awesome.  Second, the park was just dirty.  I mean, really dirty.

In addition to the trash that lined the curbs, the "I don't give a rip" attitudes of many of the workers there, and the scenery and ride queues that seemed worn, faded and old, I always recall the gum spots on the Batman wall, and on the floor of the Superman ride as you are coming back to the station.  As you are harnessed in, facing down, many people will spit gum out of their mouth onto the platform... and its gross.

I called up my buddy Shawn and told him I had my season pass and a free ticket that came with it, and as long as he could cover his own lunch, I'd take him.  He was in full agreement, and we met up the next day around 9 and took off.  A few hours later, we are pulling up into the Daffy Duck Row 7 line in the parking lot, and walking in.  We immediately go on the Georgia Scorcher, waiting about 20 minutes to get on.  I figure this is good, because 20 minutes is a decent, short wait for a ride, and if we can wait this long for all of them, then we'll be in the good shape.

I was wrong.  We walked onto the Georgia Cyclone, Thunder River (he got soaked, I got my feet wet), the Ninja, The Great American Scream Machine and The Dahlonega Mine Train, and the only reason it took 15 minutes to get on Superman, Batman and Goliath is because we waited for the front of the line.  After Batman, Shawn needed a coaster break, so I took on The Mind Bender alone... front car, no wait.  I even closed my eyes during the ride, which I love doing on roller coasters.

The Ninja sucks.  Always has.  Its jerky, its rough and its not entertaining.  And I'm not alone in this assessment, as its Wiki page says, "it is the least popular U.S. major roller coaster as voted by people on ThemeParkInsider, ThemeParkCritic, and other review sites."  But, I ride it anyway.

I know much of the park was flooded last year, so I'm sure that helped spur along renovations and improvements, but I was impressed by everything.  The workers (team members?  associates?  Six Flaggers?) all wear bright green shirts so they can easily be spotted, and most that I encountered had smiles and friendly attitudes, and cheered you on with "Have a Six Flags day!". 

Some of the rides now have sponsors... Axe Body Spray is logo'd over The Ninja, which strikes me as kinda funny.  The Mind Bender sports the green color again on the tracks, and the new cars (a little too sleek--I kinda miss the boxy cars) have question mark decorations down the side.  No, not for the Riddler, like it was fifteen years ago, but because Stride sponsors this ride now.  The Scorcher has brand new cars, with the flames on it now blue--Georgia Gas is the sponsor. 

Over the six hours we were there, we rode everything we wanted, with minimal lines.  They have deals for drinks now, like a bottle of water is $3, but you can get 2 for $5 (which is what we did), and the ice cream sandwich I had was pretty good too.  Monster Plantation, which was in such dire need of an overhaul, got one.  The music is crisp and loud, the boats are comfy enough and remodeled, and the animatronics, silly as they are, are full of fur and worked perfectly.  The song is annoying as ever, but at least its understandable.

Overall, I was pleased with the day.  The temperature wasn't too bad, the lines were short, and I was hanging with a good friend, which is the best way to enjoy a good roller coaster.  While we were in the front row of Goliath, as it was cresting the first big hill (by the way, that coaster is terrifying, which is awesome) I could see the parking lot that was only a third full. 

We ended the day by stopping at Texas Roadhouse, where I dined on a delmonica steak and cheese fries.  Good times, good times indeed. 

THE CURSE OF SIKES & KOHN'S
If you travel down Highway 231, either from Montgomery headed to Troy, or headed to Monkeytown from Troy, you'll travel through, or at least near, a tiny little town called Pine Level.  I know very little about Pine Level, except that there is a South Alabama icon there.

The place is called Sikes and Kohn's Country Mall, or Sikes and Kohn's (pronounced "kahn's") for short.  And I hate this place.

Even before you get anywhere close to Sikes and Kohns, you'll see the billboards... oh, will you see the billboards.  Large, painted signs telling you that you'll find shoes like Allen Edmunds, Cole Haan and Saucony, jeans like Levi's, Lee and Wranglers, clothes from Lauren, Tommy and Jordache all at Sikes and Kohns Country Mall.

Oh, I have nothing against Mr/Mrs Sikes or Mr/Mrs Kohn's, nor do I take any offense at the nature of the store.  Its a bit overpriced for my tastes, but there are a few good deals to be had in there, if you look hard enough.  They sell everything from camo to cowboy hats, boots to bolo ties, and there is an entire wall devoted to men's and women's belts.

No, the reason I dislike this place is because everytime I go there, my car breaks down.  The first time I went, while in college, I stopped for some unknown reason--I'm sure it wasn't to shop.  This was when I had my green Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.  I went inside, and when I came back out, nothing.  No turnover, no sound, nothing.  Had to call a tow truck, and it was terribly overpriced.

Another time, I had driven down to visit Allysong and Shelby and Jenn Mullterp and Rad a Tad, and was on my way back when I had to stop and use the facilities.  So, without thinking about it, I pulled into Sikes & Kohns Country Mall.  Parked on the gravel lot, ran inside, use the powder room, came back out, started up, and was pulling out of the lot when my car started making a really, really funny noise. 

Instead of going left, I went right, back down 231 to a small gas station/repair shop that I had passed.  They spent about three hours fixing it.  And as I crossed the median on 231 to take that left to head back to Birmingham, the car started... jumping.  And surging.  And stalling.   So, back to the gas station.  Then, it was towed to Troy.  Allysong drove out and picked me up.  Tow trucks on Sunday?  Expensive.

So, skip ahead like, 12 years or something, to this past April.  With a four day break between the ending of The Happiest Place in the Mall and the beginning of Starbucks full time, I decided I would take a few days to visit Mom in Samson.  And on the way down, I started seeing the signs for Sikes and Kohns.  I tensed.

It was time.  It had been too long.  The curse had warded over me for over a decade, so much so that I drove past it, never wanting to stop.  But not this day.  Not this time.  If I was ever going to beat Sikes and Kohns, it was time to do so.  With Toni Rocki Honda, no less, a 15 year old car that, if any car was going to break down, would be it. 

Finally, I saw the big arrow sign, and Sikes and Kohns was here.  I slowed down, pulled into the turning lane, and turned into the lot.  I found a spot close to the front--it was a Tuesday late morning, so it wasn't crowded--parked and turn Toni Rocki Honda off.  I got out, and went inside the building.  I figured any stay had to be at least five minutes, otherwise it wouldn't count... I wanted this Curse of Sikes and Kohns dispelled once and for all. 

I walked around inside, browsing the shirts and jeans, and observed the Wall O'Belts near the front.  Nodded that "hi, how ya doing, no I don't need help, but I want to acknowledge your standing there" head nod to the cashier, and finally, went outside.  Keys in hand, I unlocked the door and slid behind the wheel.  Took a deep breath, turned they key...

...Toni Rocki Honda started to life.  I exhaled.  Put 'er in D, drove down the driveway and out onto 231... and drove away . The curse was done.  It was over.  I would now no longer be afraid to stop at Sikes and Kohns Country Mall.  I don't know that I'll have any reason to stop there anyway, but now it won't be a purposeful not-stopping-there.

And just to add some drizzle to the cake, the gas station that I had my car serviced, and further broken, at is now just an abandoned building. 

I win.

MORNING TIME
While I'm at Starbucks now, working, I'll wear a drive thru headset... even if I'm not on the window, I'll have it on to assist those who are in the window by getting sandwiches, or pastries, or restocking cups or whatever.  In the morning, its usually pretty busy, so I hear one beep after another, as one car after another comes to the speaker to order, but every now and again, there's a break.  And in that break, I can hear... well, I can hear birds.  Birds chirping.  And singing.  And as I listen to those birds chirping, even for a brief few seconds, it makes me think I'm 8 years old again.

When I was a kid, my mom and I would take a trip down to Florida for part of the summer.  My aunt-then, sister-now (there's a story there, I promise, but for later), lived in Winter Garden, and I'd get to hang out with my cousin April, and it was awesome.   We were young enough to sleep in the same room, as boys and girls do at that age, and I remember waking up early in the morning to those birds.

There would be a box fan in the window, and the peaceful hum of that fan would keep me drifting in and out of consciousness for most of the morning.  I would open my eyes just enough to see that it was early, the light in the room dim, I could barely make out the features in the room.  Sometimes, even with the box fan in the window, we'd still leave the window open and the morning's cool air would be in the room.  It was Florida, mind you, and it would get hot... but not yet.

And, the cool outside air circulating with the box fan's air, the dim light in the room getting a little bit brighter every few minutes, me on my little bed with the blanket pulled up to my neck, April the next bed over... and I hear the birds sing.

Just like at Starbucks this morning.

Speaking of fans...

A FAN OF THE FAN
There is very little better than a good fan.  The Lovely Steph Leann has always had issues allergies and sinuses, so a ceiling fan whirring all night long might keep her cool at night, but there is a wheezy, stuffy price to pay in the morning.

During the summer, we try to be conscience of the thermostat, because we'd rather spend money at Disney World than pay a $250 power bill every month... so it can get a little toasty in our room.  But on those days when she is gone, when I sleep alone, I turn that fan on high.  I crawl into bed, and pull up my favorite mom-handsewn butterfly quilt and let the cool breeze rush around me.

But my favorite?  When I was a kid at home, my parents let me used a small, oscillating fan (there is never use of the word "oscillating" unless the word "fan" is after it) that I would set on a metal folding chair.  I'd use books to set it on to get just the right height, then hit that button in the back to make it turn.

That breeze from the fan going back and forth over the length of your body is awesome.  You feel it on your face for about two seconds, then its gone, as the air moves down your body laying there under the sheet.  Then, if you set it up just right, it would hit your feet for about two seconds, then head back towards your head again.  That was a glorious feeling. 

Movie reviews for about a dozen movies coming this weekend

Six Flags Thursday

Ever been so tired that your eyelids stick together? Seriously, no joke, driving on Thursday night, everytime I blinked it was a struggle because my top eyelids were actually sticking together and I had to make a goofy stretch-face expression to unstick my eyelids.


The night before, the Lovely Steph Leann had come home from three days at Calloway Gardens in Georgia, where she had been for a business trip. And on Thursday morning, she was flying out at 515am to Minneapolis, MN, for a Creative Memories Conference, with she being a Creative Memories Consultant and all. So, I get back from Financal Peace University, she's packing, we're both up late, neither one really sleeps well, and all in all, I got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Up at 330am, out the door around 4am, go out and pick up Steph Leann's cousin who is going with her, and to the airport by 5.


Well, I could go home and sleep for... 2 hours, having to be at the church at 730, or I could pass the time until then. I decide to go to Waffle House for breakfast, then go to Starbucks because I have a few things to take care of before Monday, even though I am on five days vacation.


Finally, at 710, I'm out the door and headed to Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship). Where are we going, you ask?


Six Flags Over Georgia


I had signed up to be a chaperone for the middle school group going... why can't we say Junior High? You have High School, and Junior High School, and thats it, why do this "Middle School" thing? Where was I?

Because we aren't a loaded church, it was decided not to rent any sort of charter bus of any kind, so we were taking cars... and I was a driver. Kathy Compton, the middle school assistant, put out a sheet with everyone's name on it, letting the kids sign up for the car they wanted.


And wouldn't you know it... in my car... Jessica Heckman, Emily Griner, Kayleigh Parvin and Jenny Combs. All girls. And not just all girls, but Jessica, Emily and Kayleigh are three of the loudest, most hyper 13 to 14 year olds you'll ever meet. Kayleigh is actually the younger sister of a friend of mine, Christy... it's one of those "you know you are getting older" moments when you realize that a friend's little sister is suddenly not so little anymore.



Two of my passengers that kept me awake


So we're humming down the road, headed to the ATL, and the girls are all arguing over which music to listen to... I give in to Fergilicious, but ban Justin, Britney, Christina and Pink from the car, just for the inappropriateness, then ban the Backstreet Boys just on principal. Seriously, I felt like Chris Hansen was going to pull me over. "Have a seat right there. What are you doing with four 14 year old girls in your car?"


It was actually reasonable mild outside... it was hot, because, well its the South + August = Muggy and Humid, but it still wasn't too bad. When we got there, I managed to attach myself to a couple of the guys that I know from WalkAbout, Grant, Jacob (who is called Pinky), Connor and Aaron, and we end up walking from coaster to coaster most of the day.


Because the day really isn't that remarkable, or at least, other than the usual day at Six Flags--lines, high prices for anything, gum all over the signs in every ride queue--I won't go into great detail.


I will say, though, Six Flags is apparently trying to set themselves up as more than a stop for roller coasters... numerous Warner Brothers characters were throughout the park, as were DC characters. I saw everyone from Sylvester the Cat to the Green Lantern standing around, and the Q-Bot thingy rented to get through the lines faster is now called the "Flash Pass", with the Flash as the mascot.


They even had a stinkin' parade, with the WB and DC icons all riding floats or walking in it. I'm thinking its a little much, because with Disney, you go not just for the rides, but the experience. Every ride and attraction is an atmosphere, its a story, nay, its an adventure! At Six Flags, you go to ride roller coasters. Plain and simple. With Disney you have breakfasts with Stitch, and marvel over Cinderella's castle and collect pins and yeah, enjoy Space Mountain, but with Six Flags, I just want to be tossed to and fro by some metal beast. In fact, stop paying the characters and build me another coaster--or fix the stinkin' Deja Vu.


It reminds me of the attempt of Las Vegas to set themselves up as a more family oriented place, several years ago. They ran a huge ad campaign, letting people know they weren't just dancers and stripper and casinos and gambling, but they were in fact family friendly, so hey, bring the kids. Apparently, that didn't work, and the Las Vegas Tourist guys sat around a table and said "Screw this family crap. Everyone thinks we are Sin City... lets embrace that. If you can't beat 'em, at least get 'em to come here".


So they tossed out the family friendly thought, embraced who they were, or at least, who everyone thought they were, and thus, the highly successful "What happens here stays here" ad was born. This is what Six Flags should do. "Screw this Bugs Bunny crap. Let's use that money to keep the park cleaner, and build, like, four more monster coasters!" That's what I would do, anyway. I should be an amusement park director.


They've also added names to the park sections... not just one or two easy names, but names like "Cotton States", "British Section", "Confederate Section" (which you'd think would be the same as Cotton States...), again trying to be like Disney or Busch Gardens.


Oh, and another thing... you're sitting on a coaster, and suddenly you remember you've got a hat on, or you're carrying a small bag or something... what do you do? You just toss it onto the platform, where you'll get it later, right? Oh, nay nay.


Not only do they have lockers before a few of the newer rides, with big signs saying "Put your crap in here, cause you ain't leaving it on the platform", they are now coming down hard on people who do toss their stuff. Several times I'd see a hat hit the platform, then have Shequetha the "Ride Entertainer" say "Whoever threw that hat, raise your hand!" A few seconds later, you'd see the hand of some unknowning little kid, and she'd say "Pick it up and put it away". The whole ride would be held up for this little kid to unbuckle, grab his hat and either sit on it, or put it in the shelves they have.


My guess is, the rides have been put through the ringer this year... not only did the Deja Vu stop, start, stop and start again, the Superman ride was shut down for an hour or so, the Georgia Scorcher stopped midway up the hill, and the Batman ride stopped while we were two people from boarding. In that one, the harnesses wouldn't come unlocked, which is good for the people riding, but bad for the ones about to get off... and even worse when it happened at Superman because you are literally facing the ground, hanging by the harness.



You never want your ride to stop and see a worker climb beside you. Not good times, bad times.


So, in order, the coasters at Six Flags:

10. The Ninja... the most uncomfortable ride ever. Your head is smacking the headrest, its jerky, its violent. Just not well thought out. I don't know a single person who likes this ride. I'm betting this ride goes away in the next few years for another coaster.


9. The Great American Scream Machine... kinda boring, but I love wooden coasters, so it has its moments. The hills are great, but it just doesn't do much... but its got one of the best roller coaster names ever.


8. The Dahlonega Mine Train... almost a kiddie coaster, its still fun in the back, just for the amount of shaking. Unlike the Ninja, its a fun jerky violence.


7. The Mindbender... I remember back, before Batman (which brought in the DC connection) when this coaster was an ugly brown and by itself over here in the corner. When they made Batman Forever, with the Riddler, they built the Batman ride, then painted this one green with question marks all over it... the ?? are gone, but the ride is still classic.


6. Deja Vu... this has the potential to rank much, much higher, except for two things... number one, it takes then almost ten minutes to load and unload passengers. I actually timed it several rides, and it was unbearably long. Number two, its always broken. Steph Leann and I rode it when it first opened, and in the couple of times I've been back, its not worked. We stood in line for about 30 minutes, a line we only joined because it had just reopened and we figured not a ton of people would be there. We decided to leave, because it just was taking too long, and on our way out, we saw other people leaving, and we heard they had shut it down again.


5. The Georgia Scorcher... one of those standing coasters where, you get into the seat and you have to position yourself before they lock the seats in place. Too high and guys have problems. Too low and you're bent awkwardly for 90 seconds. Its a great ride, though. Loud and whipping, and 4Gs can't be wrong.


4. Superman Ultimate Flight... the appeal of this is that you get strapped in, they strap your feet in execution style, then your seat goes horizontal, with you facing the ground. So as you ride, it feels like you're flying... and you keep a mental image of how far you'd go if the harnesses broke.


3. Batman: The Ride... probably the best feet-dangly ride I've been on. Its just a lot of fun, really, though they really should shorten the queue... you have to walk about 1/4 of a mile just to get to the line.


2. The Georgia Cyclone... I love wooden coasters, and this one is awesome. Modeled after the Coney Island Cyclone, the coolest thing about 2005, its just rip roaring shaking whippin' tossin' fun. Especially if you're in the back. In fact, the Cyclone is the basis of my theory that every coaster should be ridden in the front and in the back. NYCJenny, insert jokes here.


1. The Goliath... the newest coaster at Six Flags, it is AWESOME. Worth the price of admission alone is the 200 foot drop, one that doesnt look nearly as tall until you are in the car ascending the hill. And the drop is massive. 70+ miles per hour, the thing runs through half the park... the Free Fall and Parachutes are both gone. It really is the smoothest coaster I've ever been on. And actually comfortable too.


I also managed to get video footage of the Batman, the Scorcher and the Cyclone, all from the front row... if my computer wasn't so slow, and if I knew how, I'd post it.

Anyway, the boys and I decided against eating for the afternoon, because we had only gotten on 2 rides before 3pm, and we were leaving a 7 for dinner, so we just kept ourselves hydrated (we found a concession stand that sold $6 funnel cakes, but gave out free water...). When we did leave, we stopped at the Arbor Place Mall Food Court, where I devoured Sbarros in about a minute.


And needless to say, I was tired. Very tired. But... it was a good time, and that's whats important.