the 2013 oscar blog

(scroll down for updates)

7:25... Here we are... the first blog of February, and its the Academy Awards... I love the Oscars, because I love movies, so once again, I'm excited to be watching it...

...And unlike the Golden Globes, its not a monsoon outside, which means the chances of satellite going out are slim to none. 

Me: The Lovely Steph Leann, what are you wearing?
The Lovely Steph Leann (blank stare)

Five minutes to GO!!!

728... I kinda feel like "Splash", aka "Celebrity Diving", is on the air because there was a bit too much vodka in the planning meeting...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (is it Joseph-Gordon Levitt?) (l) and Harry Potter (r)
join Seth MacFarlane for a soft shoe dance as part of his opening monologue

730... And we begin.  Seth MacFarlane begins with a shout out to Tommy Lee Jones' grumbling... who ends up chuckling.

731p... Seth tells us that this years theme is celebrating music in film. Something tells me Annie 2 won't be mentioned.

732p... The obligatory "Win an Oscar, disappear from the industry" joke...

734p... Seth is trying, and mostly succeeding... you can tell he's testing his waters, getting a "oooh" from a Chris Brown & Rihanna joke.

735p... SHATNER!!!  SHATNER!!! SHATNER!!!

738p... What the... what is happening?  Boobs? 

739p... I'll admit it... "We Saw Your Boobs".. funny.  Really funny. 

739p... I just typed "We Saw your Boobs" for the first time in the history of this blog.  Ever.

741p... Another first.  "A Denzel Movie with Sock Puppets" (left)

742p... This is the best Oscar show in years. 

744p... Seth looks like a walking Easter Seal symbol... or a gay pope. 

745p... A real "Smokey and the Bandit" reference... in the Oscar monologue.  The first time Oscars and Smokey & the Bandit have ever been used together.

747p... Let's get to some awards!! 

748p... Octavia Spencer won last year for "The Help" for Best Supporting Actress... and she is out to give Best Supporting Actor to either Alan Arkin (Argo)... Bobby DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook)... Phil Hoffman (The Master)... Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) and Chris Waltz (Django Unchained)...

My pick?  Tommy Lee Jones. 

Last year I did horribly at the Oscar picks...  this time?  Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained.... wow.  Wow.  He has now TWO Oscars for Tarantino Films.

This is good, though... Tommy Lee Jones didn't win, so he got the smiling out of the way.  No more grins for the rest of the evening.

752p... So... as he walks off, they play the theme from ET:  The Extra Terrestrial.  What the what??

Commercial Break

755p... Paul Rudd!  I love Paul Rudd!!  Even though he was in "My Idiot Brother", which is terrible.  Melissa McCarthy looks like a beluga whale in her grey dress, and her too-much-blush-cheeks.

756p... Paul Rudd looks like he stepped out of a 1977 Scorsese film

757p... Paul and Melissa pick up the Best Animated Short for "Paperman", a delightful little movie... I go 1-1 so far.

759p... The popular choice is "Brave" for Best Animated Film because its Pixar... but I went with Wreck-It-Ralph.  "Brave" wins.

Here's my original review of "Brave"

8p... Reese Witherspoon. 

Wow. 

Wow.

That is all.

801p... Because there are 114 films nominated for Best Picture, they are doing away with the "Famous Actor Introducing One Nominted Film" thing, having Reese present "Les Miserables", "The Life of Pi" and "Beasts of the Southern Wild".

804p... Quavenzene Wallace, nominated for Beasts of the Southern Wild, looks up as Seth MacFarlane gives her a shout out.

Quavenzene:  Why is that white man saying my name?

805p... Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury come out to banter and do Cinematography...

806p... SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S JACKET--FOR THE WIN

807p... I chose Life of Pi... and it wins.  Life of Pi will rack up several of these lesser awards tonight, I predict.

809p... I think Lucius Malfoy is giving an Oscar speech

810p... Visual Effects... I again chose Life of Pi... I love being right.

811p... So the "Get Done With Your Speech Music" is... Jaws?!  That's HILL-AIR-EEOUS

Commercial Break

816p... Seth introduces Channin Tatum and Jennifer Aniston, two people so beautiful that somehow, I almost think their kids would be butt-ugly.

817p... And the award for Costume Design goes to Anna Kareninninanninana... when do you stop the last name...?

819p... "Hairstyling" added to the "Makeup" category... and there is only three films nominated... I guess they would either have to add "Hairstyling", or "Les Miserables" would run unopposed...

820p... I wonder how much of Les Mis' win was for the butchering of Anne Hathaway's hair...

821p... Halle Berry out now.  Does it make me a bad person, or gay, if she doesn't appeal to me? 

822p... My buddy Mikey Nipp is peeing himself right about now... Bond Tribute time. 

We are treated to an extended Bond Tribute, full of clips and snips from all 23 James Bond movies.  I'm just not a huge fan.  I mean, I liked a few here and there, but none are considered "favorites" of any kind. 

826p... I think I'm too young to appreciate Shirley Bassey... and probably 1/3 of the crowd is clapping because they don't want to be on camera not clapping. 

Commercial Break

830p... I know Connery is retired, and maybe Daniel Craig is too busy... but Dalton, Lazenby, Moore and probably Brosnan were free, I'm sure.  They couldn't have been recruited for that video montage? 

831p... Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx, stars of Django Unchained, come out, looking almost as beautiful, though not quite, as Channing and Jen earlier.

832p... K-Wash and J-Foxx are here to give us the Best Live Action Short Film winner... I chose Buzkashi Boys, a shot in the dark.  I feel like Oscar ballots should give you a five or six word description about these short films... "Curfew" wins.  Whatever that is.

835p... Winners are now talking fast, in fear of the "Jaws" music..

835p... Best Documentary Short.  The Oscar goes to Inocente... I picked Redemption.  Again, who knows?! 

837p... Seth MacFarlane is back up now, introducing Liam Neeson, the original Darkman. 

837p... Liam has a very special set of skills

838p... "Argo"... "Lincoln"... "Zero Dark Thirty"... the films that Liam is introducing.

FYI.... Here's my review of "Argo"

841p... Seth tells us the other actors who played Lincoln... and said "the actor who really got into Lincoln's head is John Wilkes Booth... too soon?"

842p... Ben Affleck comes out to present the Documentary Feature...

843p... Not gonna lie... I liked Reindeer Games.  Its a big more watchable than Good Will Hunting.

844p... Searching for Sugarman takes the Oscar.

Commercial Break

849p... Jennifer Garner... gorgeous or hideous?  I just cannot tell.  I don't know the answer.  I struggle with it.

849p... Jessica Chastain?  Elegant.  Not gorgeous, but elegant. 

850p... Best Foreign Film.  Not sure how "Amour" can be nominated for Best Picture and NOT win this award.  Aaaaand... I'm right.

852p... Christoph + this guy for Amour = 2 Austrian Oscar Wins! 

852p... Seth tells us about the Oscar Orchestra... who are performing down the street for the show! 

852p... John Travolta comes out... I mean, onstage, not out-out...

853p... Travolta has a harder time saying "Miserables" than I do.  I didn't add the "s" on the end, he added four more syllables. 

855p... Catherine Zeta-Jones, singing a song from "Chicago"... and not sounding nearly as good as she did in "Chicago" 10 years ago...

857p... Zeta-Jones... a member of the "Angelina Jolie Chicks That I'm Supposed to Find Hot But Don't" Club...

858p... Jennifer Hudson is singing "And I Am Telling You That I Am Not Going", from DreamGirls... notably, the song that probably won her the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.  American Idol, anyone?

9p... Holy schmoly crap.  Jennifer Hudson just smacked that song around and said "I'm your mama, now shut up".  That was freakin' awesome.

9p... The Lovely Steph Leann just perked up as Colin Firth Member Hugh Jackman came on stage, singing. 

The Colin Firth Club:  Those that The Lovely Steph Leann would consider leaving me for... see:  Downey Jr, Robert... Whitford, Bradley... Firth, Colin... Bon Jovi, Jon

903p... The cast of Les Mis comes out to sing "One Day More'... including Russell Crowe. 

I imagine this conversation a month ago:

Agent:  Russ, you have to sing again
Russell Crowe:  What?  What do you mean? 
Agent:  In your contract
Russell:  People made fun of me singing!!
Agent:  Its in your contract, Russ
Russell:  #*&&#  (throws phone)

908p... Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, from Star Trek, and according to Seth, "Future Priceline.com spokespeople" are out... discussing the Tech Awards.

910p... Mark Wahlberg... and Ted, from the movie "Ted"... I haven't seen it.. sheepishly, I want to.

911p... Sound Mixing... I chose The Life of Pi.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Wrong.  Les Mis.  Its the live singing." 

912p... And its Les Mis.  "I told you!  Live singing!  Live singing, baby!"

914p... Two presenters... one is funny and animated and fake... the other is Ted, the teddy bear.  Oh!

915p... Sound Editing... I picked Zero Dark Thirty.  THERE IS A TIE?!?!

916p... Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty pick up the Oscars... a Tie!?!

915p... Like, two Oscars?  A Tie?  Couldn't they do a run-off?  Or a vote tonight, with the audience, with just these two films in the running?

917p... Last tie?  Streisand and Hepburn in 1969 for Best Actress, for (I think) Funny Girl and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, respectively...

(screaming kid... not at The Oscars, but at my house...)

922p... Seth is making some Sound of Music references... but we have a screaming kid.  Kinda killing the joke for me.  Darn you, Campbell Isaiah.

922p... Christopher Plummer comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... he won Best Supporting Actor last year for the family comedy "I'm Old and Gay", or something like that. 

925p... So, they gave out the award for Supporting Actress just now.. but we are 3 minutes behind.  Campbell is just going bonkers. 

925p... Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, is nominated... I love her.  I really do.  She'll win hers one day, a la Kate Winslet.

925p... And the award goes to... Anne Hathaway.  The award should actually go to whoever said "Hey, let's just keep the camera on her for one, long single shot..."

I dreamed a dream that theeeeey... would stop talking about... my haaair...

927p... PRINCESS MIA GOT AN OSCAR!!! SHUT!!! UP!!!

930p... Didn't notice it til just now... must be... well, cold in there. 

The summation of the last few minutes... Campbell Isaiah woke up, screaming... I had to run and get the cookies we were cooking out of the oven... then toss in his dinner... making peas... sweet potatoes... plums... and a bottle of prune juice/water... some older dude is speaking about student films... and... we're about 10 minutes behind.  Sigh.

I love my kid.  But we are only having one.  That's all I can deal with.  Sigh.

944p... Sandra Bullock is onstage... Best Film Editing is the award she's giving out... William Goldenberg for "Argo"...

946p... 13 awards given, I've gotten 7 right.  This night is a disaster.

947p... Jennifer Lawerence is exquisite.  Not sure I have any other words for it...

948p... Adele is singing "Skyfall"... its nominated for Best Original Song... I chose "Pi's Lullaby" as the winner of that category, and this is what I regret the most--I should have gone "Skyfall". 

949p... Adele is 24 years old.  I cannot tell you what a bumbling no-direction hunk o'junk I was at 24.  Or 34.  Or now, actually.

Commercial Break

950p... Nicole Kidman comes out to present the final three Best Picture Nominees... "Silver Linings Playbook"... "Django Unchained"... and "Amour"

953p... Harry Potter and Bella from Twilight are onstage together.   Kristen Stewart looks miserable, all the time.  All.  The.  Time.

955p... Daniel Radcliffe, they are called tweezers.

956p... Seth calls out Salma Hayek... I think her neck has been lengthened by 8 inches due to that dress.  Like, her dress is a volcano, and her face erupted.

959p... I think Salma was honoring those who won special awards.  Then again, she could have been telling me a great recipe for Guadalajara bacon crispers, and I wouldn't know it.

Commercial Break

1001p... And here comes George Clooney. 

1001p... The In Memorium segment... and Campbell quiets down.  He knows how to respect Michael Clark Duncan and Ernest Borgnine.  Re-cah-nize.

1003p... Adam Yauch from The Beastie Boys gets a nod.  As does one half of the Sherman Brothers. 

1004p... Barbra Streisand.  Blech.

1006p... She is honoring the late composer Marvin Hamlisch.  If I were Marvin, I'd be rolling in my grave.  Any a'yall play Barbra at my funeral, and I'm coming back to knock some teeth out.

1007p... This exchange:
Me:  Since we are still a few minutes behind, we can definitely fast forward this
The Lovely Steph Leann (dirty look)

1009p... Seth MacFarlane comes back out, Campbell cries.  Maybe he just doesn't like Family Guy like I hoped he would.

1010p... The cast of "Chicago" comes out--Gere, Latifah, Zeta-Jones and Jewel!

1010p... Renee Zellweger looks like she's perpetually trying to hide pain. 

1011p... And the winner for Best Score is... The Life of Pi...

1012p... I was secretly hoping John Williams would win for "Lincoln" so the Jaws theme could play him off stage.

1013p... Queen Latifah tells us the Best Song category is up now...

1014p... Why didn't someone tell me "Chasing Ice" was about our melting glaciers and how American Republicans are destroying the Earth?   And whats more, why isn't that winning everything?

1017p... So now, the award goes to "Skyfall" from "Skyfall", sung by Adele.  The first Academy Award to go to a Bond film. 

1019p... "Gotta fank the acahdummy..."

Commercial Break (and finally back on live TV!)

1022p... Charlize Theron comes out with Dustin Hoffman...

1022p... This probably happened:

Charlize:  So, cut my hair like Anne's in that Les Mis movie
Stylist:  Before the cut or after?
Charlize:  After

1023p... And its time for the Final Six--Picture, Director, Acting and Writing...

1024p... For Adapted Screenplay... the winner is Argo.  I'm a little shocked that Beasts didnt get it. 

1026p... For Original Screenplay... the winner is Django Unchained.  That's fantastic.  No, seriously... that's awesome. 

1028p... The Oscars are only 2 minutes from ending!  Or supposedly ending.  Looks like it might not end on time.  But it will probably end before next year's start.

Commercial Break

1032p... Seth introduces Hollywood Legends, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas--who starred together in The China Syndrome... not a bad movie. 

1033p... Best Director Award.  And its...

1034p... ANG LEE for Life of Pi.  What the what?

1034p... They should give him 3.14 minutes to accept the award.

1035p... Campbell is crying again.  He must have known Ang was the same dude who not only directed "Brokeback Mountain", but also "Hulk".

Commercial Break

1040p... Jean Deajunana (sp?) from The Artist is out to give the Best Actress Award... camera cuts to Kristen Stewart, who looks unhappy and unimpressed--meaning, her usual self.

1042p... Great goodness... please don't let Quivenzhannena win this.  Not because I dislike her, but because Beasts of the Southern Wild is NOT A GOOD MOVIE

Whoops

1043p... Jennifer Lawrence wins for "Silver Linings Playbook"!!!  And she trips on the way up...

1044p... Hugh Jackman rushes to help her.  The Lovely Steph Leann:  He's so gallant.  Happy sigh.

1045p... So Katniss can shoot a precise arrow, but can't climb a staircase? 

1045p... Seth just says "Our next presenter needs no introduction", and drops mic and walks off.  That was a great move

1046p... Everyone all together:

Daniel

Day

Lewis

For Lincoln

That was easy.

1046p... During the nomination readings, The Lovely Steph Leann sighed, "Oh... Hugh Jackman was so awesome... so... so awesome..."

1048p... Out of all the "Flight" clips, they show the one from the end?  That's like showing a Bruce Willis clip from "The Sixth Sense" when he realizes he's dead... geez.

1049p... Watch closely.  Meryl Streep doesn't even open the envelope. No joke.

1050p... "Before Lincoln, I was committed to playing Margaret Thatcher... and Meryl was scheduled to play Lincoln..."  The delivery is fantastic.

1051p... Daniel Day-Lewis has reached Spielberg & Streep status... that is, "Don't dare play them offstage..."

1052p... Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to present Best Picture. 

1053p... And Jack sends it up to... Michelle Obama at the White House?  What is the point of...?  What?

1054p... So, Michelle just talks about movies, and then asks Jack to do the nominees?  Seriously?  That was pointless.

1055p... If Les Mis wins this, The Lovely Steph Leann's head might explode with Hugh Jackman glee

1055p... And Michelle Obama opens the envelope, and its.. Argo!

1058p... So three producers--Affleck, Clooney and Some Guy... and since Ben didn't get a directing nomination (for which Ang Lee is thankful), you'd think Some Guy would let him talk... and finally, Some Guy lets Ben talk.

1059p... Argo is a great, great film. 

11p... If directly following Gigli, you knew an Affleck film would win Best Picture, raise your hand... (crickets chirping)

1104p... Kristen Chenoweth and Seth MacFarlane sing us off into the night, nodding to the losers of the evening... and thats our 2013 Academy Awards... thanks for reading!

1105p:  Argo to bed now...

Seth is being brutalized by the press for a terrible Oscar hosting job.. first, I think he did pretty good.  Secondly, I know
even know who would do a good job... even Billy Crystal's return was met with bad reviews.  And, I do love Kristen
Chenoweth, all 4ft 9 inches of her.

the brave review

Way back in the day, like, a few years ago, Pixar was giving an update on it's upcoming films.  Toy Story 3 was in the wings, Cars 2 was on the horizon, there were rumors of a Monster's Inc sequel (prequel?), and two films that no one knew anything about--"Newt" and "The Bear and the Bow".

Well, I think "Toy Story 3" ended up doing okay, putting tears in eyes the likes of which we had not seen since... well, "Up".  "Cars 2" was a slight disappointment to say the least, and I'm among many that are pumped for "Monsters University" coming in 2013.

"Newt"?  It was the story of 2 newts, the last 2 of a certain kind of newt on Earth... its up to them to ensure the continuation of the species.  Well, before "Newt" could really get off  the drawing board, a similar movie called "Rio" was released, spinning the tale of the last 2 of a certain kind of blue macaw on Earth.  So "Newt" was scrapped.

And that leaves "The Bear and the Bow", billed as "Pixar's first fairy tale", with "Pixar's first princess".  The trailers began to come out, and we saw this girl with flaming red hair racing through the woods, shooting arrows, and battling big bears (a bow?  a bear?  yeah!!). 

The film went through a slight change, removing the title "The Bear and the Bow" and replacing it with a simple "Brave".  As more trailers were released, we started seeing more characters, and even some comedy along the way... but it still looked like a huge adventure, this princess who doesn't want to be a princess, atop her horse, on some huge adventure, on a quest to... save the world?  save the kingdom?  win back a prince, because that would be twist, right? 

First, every Pixar movie begins with a short film... this was called "La Luna", and its a bit unusual, maybe different from any other Pixar short I've seen.  That notwithstanding, its a great little film.  Its visually beautiful, and the story is charming and sweet. 

By the way, the whole archery thing?  Its part of the story... but not a big
part, not like you'd think, after all the pictures of Merida holding a bow

Then when Brave opens, its kind of exciting.  Pixar movies are like that... there is this sense of anticipation, and they do a good job of not releasing plots to their movies until they come out (remember "The Incredibles"?  No one knew what that movie was about until it premiered, and it was well worth the wait), and Brave is no different.

The animation is, for lack of a better word, stunning.  Sometimes when the landscape rushes forward and crests a mountain, its not hard to think you are looking a real life shot, not a computer animated drawing. 

The first part of the movie is exactly what you are hoping for... set in the Scottish countryside, within a peaceful kingdom and a huge castle, there's a princess, the flaming red haired Merida, who is a part of a royal family which includes her big, obnoxious father and her loving, but overbearing mother... and her silly triplet younger brothers who don't speak, but instead do nothing but cause trouble via pranks and mischief.

As you can tell from the trailers, a contest is held to "win her hand in marriage", with the nearby kingdoms bringing forth three complete dunderheads to compete.  And Merida decides to... well, win her own hand to keep from having to marry anyone until she's ready.

The triplets... also become part of "the twist"

The movie goes from there, as you can probably guess how she does in the contest, her being an expert archer and all.  The relationship between Merida and her mom breaks down completely, Merida flees... and then...

...well...

...well, then, this leads to a scene that I can only describe as a "crossroads", in which the film could have gone like, five different directions.  If you have seen the film, the scene I am describing involves the old woman and the wood carvings--that should be vague enough for those who haven't seen it to not be spoiled.

And the direction it takes... well, I wasn't expecting it.  Not at all.  I pride myself at kind of picking up on where movies are going, perhaps how they might end, and usually I'm pretty good at seeing a twist coming... this twist?  Did not see it coming... Not. At. All.

This twist defines this movie.  And how you react to this twist, how you take what happens after that old woman and the wood carvings will determine how you feel about this movie.  It caught me completely off guard, and it took me the second half of the movie to digest the twist.  Upon reflection, I'm okay with it. 

But I can totally see how someone would love it... or hate it.  I dunno.  I don't know what else to tell you without spoiling the film! 

The imagery of this movie is spectacular, Merida is very likable, and the cast, somewhat smaller than many Pixar films, is splendid.  There are lots and lots of laughs, especially from the triplets, and the voice cast is also excellent--Billy Connelly is King Fergis, Emma Thompson is Queen Elinor and somewhat unknown actress Kelly MacDonald does a fine job as Merida... the pacing of the movie is good, as it never drags, and the laughs are suprisingly aplenty... and, Pixar's first butt shot.  Or butts shot.

This is safe for kids, as you'd expect from Pixar, but there are a few scenes that might be a bit frightening for younger children.  Language is never a problem, and remember, expect the twist to knock you for a loop.

the july 31 day two

Jumping the Broom

One problem I faced while working at The Happiest Place in the Mall all those years ago (its been almost two years?  wow...) was defending the honor of Pixar... many times someone would come in asking for a piece of crap like "Valiant" or "Doogal" or "Happily N'Ever" after, and when I tell them that first of all, those movies suck, secondly, they are idiots for wanting those movies because their kids would never, ever want those movies (unless they are in a coma...) and third, those aren't Disney movies anyway, someone would invariably go "Oh, that's not a Pixar movie?  I thought it was."  After I punched them in the throat and begged them not to cast a ballot in the next presidential elections, I explained that no, those aren't Pixar.

No ma'am, "Doogal" is not Pixar.  Please get out of my store.  Don't ever
come back.  

Sidebar--"Valiant" is not a Disney film, per se--it was produced by British movie company Vanguard--it was released in the US by Walt Disney Pictures.  Full disclosure and all.

It is this same "guilty by only slightly similiar" mentality that I think plagued black filmmakers when doing comedies or black family movies.  Its quite possible that if I worked for the BET store in the mall, any and all black films that we sold would be immediately thought of as Tyler Perry movies, no matter what.  I personally have never seen a Tyler Perry movie, but only because I just never got to it.  I always thought "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" looked like an interesting story, but never enough to make me seek it out. 

And Tyler Perry has two camps... people who like 'em and people who don't.  Unfortunately for movies like "Jumping the Broom", I think people will avoid this because they think Medea is going to pop up somewhere out of a wedding cake... and thats sad, really, because this film is actually quite charming.

"Jumping the Broom" tells the story of a brotha', Jason (Laz Alonzo), who comes from a poorer side of town, and his fiance, Sabrina (Paula Patton), who comes from a well to do family that seemingly has a whole lotta money.  The movie takes place over the course of the weekend of their wedding, and not only shows the struggle of Jason and Sabrina, but also their mothers, Mrs. Taylor (Loretta Devine) and Mrs. Watson (Angela Bassett).  

Its a family movie, with TD Jakes playing a small role as the reverend, and even shows Sabrina doing her best to wait until marriage for she and Jason to consummate.  Kinda refreshing, actually.  Matter of fact, the names of God and Jesus are used frequently, and... okay, get ready for this... some of the characters... PRAY.  

Like, not silly, stupid, mocking prayers... but actually, talking to God, asking for help, giving praise kind of prayers.  

The ensemble cast also includes Julie Bowen (the token white girl, as a wedding coordinator in over her head), Gary Dourdan as Chef (its nice to see Warrick Brown getting some work after his untimely death on CSI), Romeo as a young Romeo no longer "Lil", and Mike Epps, as Uncle Willie Earl in a surprising role--he plays the wise, sage uncle.  The Lovely Steph Leann even said, "I expected Mike Epps to be the thug, but he's actually kinda cool in this..."

Paula Patton

The story is light and fun, it moves along quickly and has several great laughing moments, though I will say what Mrs. Taylor does towards the end of the movie isn't met with enough consequences--her actions are horrible, and I'd like to think in the real world, she would get flat out shunned from the wedding.  Just sayin'.

Anyway, the title itself comes from an old wedding ceremony custom where a new bride and groom literally jump over a broom-type article laid at the alter to officialize their union.

By the way, Paula Patton?  A great romantic comedy lead.  She was perfectly bratty in "Just Wright" and here, she's a great almost-bratty bride.  However, I'm really struggling with her as an action star in "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol".

But we'll get to that review in a few posts.

Anyway, check out "Jumping the Broom", its worth the 90 minutes.

The Cars 2 Review

Its hard to know how I should feel about Pixar's latest, "Cars 2"... is it weird that an animated film can leave me so conflicted?

Here's the plot... "Cars 2" picks up where "Cars" left off... Lightning McQueen is off racing, winning multiple Piston Cups, and returns to Radiator Springs to his girlfriend Sally and his best buddy Mater, along with the rest of the gang from the first film, like Ramone, Flo, Red, Sarge, Fillmore and the others... wisely, Pixar chose not to replace Paul Newman as the voice of Doc Hudson, instead just giving the Hudson Hornet a glance and homage.

Finn and Mater... I've read the thoughts that Mater might be Pixar's
version of Jar Jar Binks... a much maligned characters that has somewhat
sullied a great movie series--or in Pixar's case, their movies in general

Through a wacky set of circumstances, McQueen ends up entered into the inaugural World Grand Prix, and brings along his "team", which includes Mater, and through an even wackier set of circumstances, Mater gets confused for an American spy by the good guys like Finn McMissile (Michael Caine) and Holley Shiftwell (Emily Mortimer) and the bad guys, like Professor Z (Thomas Kretschmann).

So over the next 90 minutes, we are treated to a visually colorful and dazzling adventure full of explosions and big ships and crazy cars and fast racing and cool gadgets and funny sight gags and foreign lands and all that kind of stuff. 

What we aren't treated to is a great movie.  Its a fun movie, its a pleasant, amusing movie, but not a great movie.  This will, in my mind, go down as Pixar's worst film, and though the general consensus is that Pixar can do no wrong, this one is hard to defend.  If anything, Pixar's record is 11-1, or at best, 11-0-1... which, in of itself is still a stellar mark.

Don't get me wrong... I liked this movie.  Its got that Pixar flair with the jokes flying fast and free, and sight gags everywhere--watch the drive-in movie sign in Radiator Springs not long after McQueen makes his return... and its fun watching the change of cultures from a car's perspective when they tour Japan (the Japanese game show is a hoot) and other countries.
 
And cars "die" in this movie!  I mean, I hope I'm not spoiling anything for you, but seriously, there are at least four or five car deaths in this film, which is a bit... well, I say violent, but we're talking about cars being blown up, so judge that how you will.

Its the story, the kind that Pixar usually excels at telling, that is the weakest part of the film.  I found myself wondering if a six year old kid could follow all that was happening, and even if those kids would understand why the bad guys--Gremlins, Pacers and other "lemons"--were the bad guys... I mean, what kid under 15 knows what a "lemon" is?  I also found myself ready for the movie to be over towards the end, something I'm not sure I've ever felt in a Pixar film. 

Here's my conflict... what am I supposed to expect out of Pixar? I have been taught to expect masterful story telling like "Wall*E"... I have been taught to expect movies for children that are still made for adults, like "Monsters Inc"... I now expect to have toys make me tear up, like in "Toy Story 3"... but do I expect that because Pixar told me "We are going to make the best animated films you have ever seen in your whole life!"

John Turturro voices Francesco Bernoulli, McQueen's main rival.  Having
worked at The Happiest Place in the Mall for a time, all I could think
was "Wow, are they going to release a billion new Cars toys for this"

No, I expect such things from Pixar because that's just what they do. But this time around, it seems like they are just having a good time... they aren't trying to win the Oscar for Best Animated Film (at least I hope not, because it won't happen this time), it seems like they are just having a good time. And out of any studio out there, Pixar deserves to have a good time, at least once, and do a movie that is just full of goofiness and silliness and fun.

A few years back, when the rumor that "Cars 2" was being made, The Disney Channel released a number of "shorts" starring Mater, called "Mater's Tall Tales".  They all centered around Mater telling his friends stories, or tales, about his misadventures, the "tall" part coming in because he's exaggerating... Mater told of his adventures as a stunt daredevil, and as a fire truck, and as a matador (Materdor!)... after "Cars 2" ended, I looked over at The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "This was like a very long episode of Mater's Tall Tales".

I know, I know, I seem so up and down about it... I guess I'll say this about "Cars 2".  Don't expect "Toy Story 3", or "The Incredibles" or even "Finding Nemo"... expect a fun movie, one that is kind of forgettable.  Expect your sons to love the crap out of it, expect your daughters to... well, did she like this first one?  She will probably like this one.  Did you like the first one?  Yeah, you'll probably enjoy this one as well.

Oh, finally, if you don't like Larry the Cable Guy, you will have a hard time with this one, because Larry is all up in this film, pretty much from start to finish. 

2D or 3D?  Go 2D.  The only reason to see this in 3D is to see the Pixar trailer for the 2012 movie "Brave", which you can find online, and the 3D trailer for the upcoming "The Lion King in 3D" release.  I still say go see it in 2D, save your money.


Formerly known as "The Bear & the Bow", Pixar introduces its first fairy tale, "Brave".  And it looks amazing.

Worth the price of admission, in 2D or 3D, is the Toy Story short, "Hawaiian Vacation", coming on before "Cars 2"... when Barbie & Ken miss their trip to the Hawaiian islands, Buzz, Woody and the gang step in to give them the de facto vacation of a lifetime... and if you liked this one, then you'll be happy to know that there will be another Toy Story short in front of "The Muppets", coming this Thanksgiving.

And, you heard it here first... Tom Hanks says "Toy Story 4" is in the works.  Not sure how I feel about that, but until "Cars 2", Pixar has never given me a reason to worry.  Truthfully, I'm not worried.

The Summer of Blogging Day Twenty Five 

The 100 Coolest Things of 2010... #50 to 41

And we continue with the longest running list, not counting The Dave100, on this blog site... that being the 100 Coolest Things of 2010.  I won't bother with the recap just yet, you can find it to the right under archives...

50... Harry Finds a Hallow
After what I considered to be a disaster, though one I can still bear to watch, of the last movie (the post I wrote, by the way, "A Letter to Steve Kloves" is one of the most read posts on this here bloggy site), my expectations for "Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part I" were lower... but still slightly high, nonetheless.

Here's what I wrote on November 30th, 2010:

First and foremost, it holds a huge, huge advantage over any of the previous six films, and that is simply that this movie covers only half the book. The reason "Goblet of Fire" and "Order of the Phoenix" cut out almost half of their respective books is simply a time factor... you would have a six hour movie to cover everything ("Goblet of Fire" skipped the S.P.E.W. subplot, and was one of the few things I enjoyed about the movie versions over the books).

Essentially, the film version, at least Part I, of "The Deathly Hallows", is a little like a table of contents. You see a live action snippet of each scene that is fully fleshed out in the book itself, something is allowable because the 140 minutes of the movie covers only about 300 pages, not 500 pages.

You can read the full post here, but it continues to talk about the movie, first spoiler free, and then second, spoiler filled (though there are several alerts to tell you to stop reading if you haven't seen it).  I finished the post by saying, "Anyway, I really enjoyed the film, and have intentions on seeing it again. I said before my favorite movie character is Luna, but my favorite book character is Ginny Weasley... but I'm not sure I dig Bonnie Wright. I also think Fenrir Greybeck is fantastic in the book, but in the movie he's so marginalized and relegated to a second tier character.  Go see the movie, irregardless of whether you've read the book."

49... Via Napoli

Don't let the angle fool you.  This pizza is a monster, and this is taken
after four adults had just about had their fill...

What can I tell you about Epcot's newest restaurant?  Its in Italy, its authentic Italian, and its delicious.  I've eaten there twice, and its got some of the best pizza I've ever had, not to mention some of the best desserts I've eaten in a while.

Their food is a little pricey, but let's face it, its Disney, and all prices are a little higher than normal.  They ph-balance the water to match that of water found in Italy, as well as authenticate other ingredients to give you the freshest, purest form of Italian food... and their large pizza, $40 as it may be, will feed at least six people, if not more.  Its pretty awesome. 

48... Christians Like Stuff
So, Jon Acuff writes this blog, aptly titled Stuff Christians Like about being a Christian, and he asks tough questions like, what to do with the Christian version of "Freebird", or the problem with unrated movies on DVD... he's the author of several books, including one named after his website, and its a great read pretty much every day. 

47... Little Sister Ashley Gets a Ring
What can I say... my own adopted little sister (I got the looks in the family) got a ring on her finger from her hometown sweetheart, Brandon.  Apparently, he'd pined for her for years and years and years, and she gave him the cold shoulder... but one day, she woke up and said, "Whaaaa...?  I... like this guy!  No!  I love this guy!"

At top, its Brandon and Lil
Sister Ashley.  The bottom pic
features The Honorable Rev'rn
Ty "Sharpton" Coffey and Lori
Anne, bride to be.

She stopped by my store and flashed the ring, then I immediately commanded her to go to The Cabana and show The Lovely Steph Leann, which she did. 

And this past May, we were able to attend the wedding, which I'm sure you'll read about in The 100 Coolest Things of 2011... at this rate, some time around September 2013. 

Which leads me to...

46... Ty Gives a Ring
Here's another engagement that rocks, and gets the slight edge over Little Sister Ashley's big moment if only because I was involved in the proceedings...  The Honorable Rev'rn Ty Sharpton called me up and asked if I would participate in his little engagement get-together, which involved me taking the ring from him and setting it up in Samford's chapel. 

It was a little intimidating, holding a ring that cost more than Toni Rocki Honda, my little car at the time.  He asked me to not open it, not to look at it, he wanted Lori Anne to be the next one to see it, and I obliged.  I was to place it on the podium of the chapel at a certain time, then hide when Rev'rn Ty and his bride-to-be, Lori Anne, came in. 

While I was waiting for the word from Ty, people came in and out of the chapel--Samford had a football game going on in the stadium across the street at the same time--and I sat off to the side in a pew, probably looking like an old creeper.  I held the ring box tightly until I got the text that said, "In chapel yard".  I was nervous about letting the ring leave my sight, but I put it on the podium then slipped out a side door.

I walked around the student break area until I finally got a text that said "ITS DONE"... upon my return, there was a big smile from Revr'n Ty, and a bigger smile from little Lori Anne, and the ring almost blinded me.   And I was also able to not just attend, but be a part of their wedding, which you'll probably see in The 100 Coolest Things of 2011 as well.

45... B.o.B. Professes His Love
By the summer of 2010, there weren't a ton of songs that had really piqued my interest, especially in hip-hop areas... cause really, they all kind of sound alike.  So, here comes "Nothin On You" by B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars, with this profession of love for his boo, telling her that there are chicks all over the place, and that sure, they might be cute or he might say hello... but ain't none them ho's got nothin on you.  Nothing.

"Beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasin', but my time would be wasting, they got nothin on you baby (nuh nuh nuh nothin on you... nuh nuh nuh nothing on you)... they might say hi, I might say hey, but you shouldn't worry about what they say cause they got nothing on you, baby (nuh nuh nuh nothing on you... nuh nuh nuh nothing on you)... nothing on you baby..."

Keep in mind, this was the summer that both B.o.B. and Bruno Mars emerged, so I don't feel bad in telling you that for the longest time, I couldn't tell who was rapping and who was singing.  Perhaps I'm still not sure.

44... The Books Get Read
My love of audiobooks is well documented and deep, with probably 100 or more in my collection... I keep most of them, about 110 gbs worth, on an external portable hard drive, but on my iPod that I have with me about 97% of the waking hours of my day, I have at least 30 or 40 that I take with me, just in case I might want to jump into a random book, be it Kristen Chenoweth's biography (or Andre Agassi's) or maybe some Glenn Beck, or even a chick lit novel by Emily Giffen...

And then, I finally joined Audible dot com.  The way it works is, you pay one price per month and you are given "Credits".  Then, you can download audiobooks for a credit, or for larger audiobooks (like the Walt Disney biography I initially got, which was 35 hours--it was two credits, but I got it free for joining).  Every month, for $14.95, I get another credit...

Essentially, its buying an audiobook for $15 per month, but when you consider they are running anywhere from $25 to $50 per book, its a pretty good deal.  Also, for members, you get special discounts on books, sometimes half off, sometimes huge percentages off, sometimes free... I just downloaded "Go the Heck to Sleep" children's book (warning:  NOT Emmy Turnbow safe), narrated by Samuel L. Jackson, for no charge whatsoever...

And the selection is pretty great too.  I managed to get The Pixar Touch for less than $7, I got Patton Oswalt's comedic book for about $6 and downloaded "ESPN: Those Guys Have All the Fun" for May's selection for one single credit... regular price, $26. 

Randomly, just for thought, here's my current wish list, or, books I'll end up downloading or purchasing if they go cheap--in the order I'm going to get them:  "The Men Who Would Be King: An Almost Epic Tale of Moguls, Movies, and a Company Called Dreamworks" by Nicole LaPorte... "Decision Points" by Dubya... "Bossypants" by Tina Fey... "Without You: A Memoir of Love, Loss and the Musical Rent" by Anthony Rapp... "Your Only As Good As Your Next One: 100 Great Films, 100 Good Films and 100 Films For Which I Should Be Shot" by Michael Medavoy

And if you think this was just a reason to go all Ron Burgundy and say, "Hey everyone!  Come look at the cool stuff I've been reading!"... well, you may be right.  Though if anyone has thoughts on any of these books, then I'd love to hear them--besides the predictable recoil by Brad Latta, Atty at Law, at the mention of Glenn Beck or Dubya. 

43... A Dragon Gets Tamed
Here's what I wrote about "How To Train Your Dragon" on June 6th, 2010...

"How to Train Your Dragon" follows the story of Hiccup, who lives in a Viking village where the life of a Viking is to hung and kill dragons of every size--and they are aplenty in this movie. Hiccup is a loser that is made fun of by most of the clan, mostly because his heart is not into hunting anything, much less dragons, but to please his father--who happens to be village chief, no less--he does what he can.

Hiccup ends up taking down a rare Night Fury dragon, but upon finding it in the woods, cannot bring himself to finish him off... and there, the adventure takes flight, pun intended.

I loved it. I loved every single second of this movie. I loved the main character, Hiccup, I loved his love interest, a spry pixie named Astrid, I loved the dragons, including the main one nicknamed Toothless, I loved the setting, I loved the creativity, I loved the story... I thought this movie was brilliant. This was the first time I'd ever seen a non-Pixar animated movie and thought, "This should have been a Pixar film."

The Lovely Steph Leann loved it too. As the credits began to roll, she piped up and said, "Wow. DreamWorks finally got it right." (full review is found here)

By the way, I watched this movie a few days ago on cable... it is just as good, great even, as the first time I watched it.  And that is a true test of a good movie.

42... A Town Gets Covered
Wow this is a big book.  Perhaps Stephen King likes to release a 1000 page behemoth every year, or maybe I just tend to read one--in 2009, it was "It"... and in 2010, it was "Under the Dome".

In the fall of some year after 2012, Dale Barbara, known as "Barbie", is trying to leave the small town of Chester's Mill.  Before he can get very far, however, something odd happens.  An invisible, indestructible barrier--a dome, per se--is dropped over the town, keeping everyone who's out of town out of the town, and everyone who is in the town, in the town.

Big Jim Rennie, second selectman, takes over the town, appointing his corrupt friends and sick, twisted son Junior as town officials, and does his best to try and contain the opposition, which includes Barbie and newspaper editor Julia Shumway.   Slowly but surely, the town's government falls apart as Big Jim's rule becomes more and more stern, and as his ego--and paranoia of losing control--spiral out of control.

Efforts to destroy the Dome fail one after the other, and everything from civility to law to just common sense begins to fall apart, piece by piece, little by little... its not a slippery slope so much as a straight up and down cliff. 

While the Dome is the central key to the novel, it is what happens to the town that becomes the book's plot.  The breakdown in civilization, the loss of respect and democracy... that's the book's central storyline.  When Big Jim realizes that not everyone sees it his way, its then that he begins doing whatever, and I mean whatever, is necessary to ensure his own rule is followed. 

King stated in an interview that he thought of Dubya when he was writing the character of Big Jim, but honestly, all I could think of was He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected... who gives a rip how it affects anyone, this is what I think is best, so this is the way we are doing it. 

Anyway, its a huge book, but I'd rank it up there as one of King's modern classics, and one I'll probably read again in the next year or two (it stays on my iPod just in case...)

41... Z's Serves the Burgers
Sometimes the best food you can find is in a nondescript hole in the wall place you've passed by a thousand times but never noticed its existence... and that would be Chris Z's to a tee. 

Nestled on a corner near St. Vincent's hospital, sharing the same block, if not the same wall, with the empty building that used to be Golden Rule BBQ (take a left off of Red Mt Expressway/Hwy 31 as you are facing St. Vincents), it doesn't have very much parking, and in fact, the best way to get to it is to drive past it, turn left at the light and come around the entire structure.

Walking in, you can see immediately that its family owned and operated... covering the walls in almost every space are frames, frames with single pictures of family, frames with duo photos of more family, large frames with collages of a dozen or more pictures of family and friends.  Being my close friend Melanie's husband, you'll see pictures of Melanie and Chris together.  You'll see the Z kids, Jay Z, Special K and The Zach Attack.  You'll see lots of people that sort of look like their family, and you'll see friends that you might recognize... or not.  

The cafe itself is set with not more than a dozen tables, mostly because there is no room.  Come at lunch time, you'll be hard pressed to find an open chair, but if you are an experienced Chris Z eater, you'll know this and will plan for it--either come earlier or later, or get it to go, or just stand and eat like many patrons do.

The menu is typed out in a familiar Comic Sans font, with some scribble with a marker and some tape over certain things, those manual corrections that the owner doesn't have time to make in the form of a new menu... no, there is too much food to make.  And the food is aplenty.

Hot dogs cooked to perfection, topped with everything or nothing at all, your request.  And the cheeseburgers are fantastic... my personal favorite is a Chris Z burger with mayo, mustard and ketchup, and cheese splashed all over the fries.  The Chris Z burger was actually recently named by a local magazine to the be the best burger in town, and its a well deserved distinction.

And then there is dessert... a family owned recipe for cheesecake pie.  That piece of pie kinda deserves its own ranking among the coolest things of the year, almost like a #40 1/2 spot... its amazing.  I've had cheesecake in six different states, ranging everywhere from the Carnegie Deli in Manhattan to the Baltimore Harbor... and its the best cheesecake I've ever had.

Anyway, if you are in the St. Vincents area, and you find yourself hungry--or even if you just want to find something new, check 'em out.  They also serve breakfast, which is excellent too... and that's not to mention their Middle Eastern menu they have the first Friday of every month.  Its good, good stuff.  (you can click here for more info)

Coming up... Hide yo' kids!  Hide yo' wife!  Its more of the best of 2010, now that 2011 is half over!  Yeah!  More Disney!  A DFC Champion!  And startin' fires...

The Summer of Blogging, Day Twenty Two

The 2011 Oscar Running Diary

Well, let's get it on, shall we!  Its time for our annual running diary of the Academy Awards.  I'm here in the recliner, laptop open, keyboard in lap, while The Lovely Steph Leann is over on the couch, snuggled up in a Snuggie, ready to go. 

She has been out a bridal shower in East Podunk, Alabama, so when the sat down, the first thing she saw while watching the Red Carpet special was Robert Downey Jr, and the first thing she said was, "Oh no!  He's wearing a navy blue suit?  Really?  Robert!"

Its time.

732p... a quick recap of the best picture nominees with some of the classic lines from the last year... "If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook." 

732p... we open with a classic parody of nominated movies, this time involving Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway, with an appearance by Alec Baldwin, first intersparsing themselves in Inception, then with The Social Network and then The Fighter.  They appear on a horse in a clip of True Grit (James Franco tells Jeff Bridges, as Rooster Cogburn, "Hey, I loved you in TRON!").

735p... Morgan Freeman and his voice!  More Alec Baldwin!  And James and Anne are in the Back to the Future DeLorean!  This is a fun little opening...

739p... James and Anne, who looks AB-SO-LUTE-LEE GOR-GEE-US by the way, hit the stage.  She even tells James, "You look very appealing... to a younger demographic..."   They banter back and forth, even talking to Anne's mom, and James' mom and grandma, who smiles and says, "I... just saw... Marky Mark..." 

Its common knowledge that Mark Wahlberg hates the Marky Mark reference, but he seems to go along with it with a smile, if not a smirk.

Tonight, they are going to be looking back at some great Oscar winners from the last century, and they kick this off with Gone with the Wind.  The Lovely Steph Leann absolutely loves this movie, all seven hours of it.

742p... Tom Hanks comes out, and discusses Gone With the Wind's awards in 1939.  And he also discusses those films who have previously won Art Direction and Cinematography, and says the last movie to win these two, plus Best Picture, was my 9th favorite film of all time, Titanic. 

Art Direction prize goes to "Alice in Wonderland".  Crap.  I'm 0-1 already.  I tell The Lovely Steph Leann that I picked "The King's Speech" and she says, "Really?  Kings Speech?   Hmmm..."

746p... Tom Hanks now introduces Cinematography, and the Oscar goes to, "Inception".  And again, I picked "The King's Speech".  I'm 0-2.  The Lovely Steph Leann just laughs.  She didn't pick the winners, she is just laughing at me.

750p... Commercial break.  I say, "Well, those goes my attempt at going 24-0.  I'm Oh for 2 right now."  She laughs, hard. 

751p... James and Anne greet us after the break, and introduce Kirk Douglas, who comes out with a cane, and gets an immediate standing ovation.  I have been watching Kirk Douglas movies since I was like, 3 years old, no joke.  He's struggling to talk, with the effects of a few strokes.  He tells James Franco, "You look much better out of the cave... and Anne Hathaway... SHE'S GORGEOUS!!  Where were you when I was making pictures?!"

752p... Kirk Douglas is doing the Supporting Actress Award... usually, last year's Supporting Actor gives out this years Supporting Actress, and vice versa, and the same with Actor/Actress.  I am wondering if they are letting screen legends do the acting awards?  That would be cool.

754p... So, the guy is just standing there with the golden envelope, while Kirk Douglas ribs Colin Firth and Hugh Jackman in the audience, and he opens the envelope and holds the winner in his hands, and just keeps talking.   We are cracking up here.

757p... The Oscar goes to Melissa Leo for The Fighter.  Now its a race to see how many in a row I can lose.   Standing next to Melissa Leo, Kirk Douglas says, "You are much more beautiful than you looked in The Fighter".   She starts stammering, and The Lovely Steph Leann whispers, "Get it together, dear, you don't have much time..."  She manages to even drop the F-bomb...

Mila on tonight's Red Carpet

8p... Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake come out together, and Mila Kunis might be the hottest dressed one here tonight.  They are doing the Best Animated Feature, and Best Animated Short... finally, at least I'll get one right!   For Best Animated Short, the winner is The Lost Thing.  Yay, 0-4. 

805p... And here's the Biggest Lock of the Night.  Toy Story 3.  When Mila makes the nominee announcement for Toy Story 3, the audience gives a huge applause.  Toy Story 3 wins.  Finally, I get on the board... 1-4.

812p... Anne meets us from the break, and tells us about the very first Academy Awards in 1929, happening at The Roosevelt Hotel, across from the Oscars current location, the Kodak Theater.

813p... Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem comes out together, to give the Adapted and Original Screenplay awards.  They also are dressed almost exactly alike.  Not a great look.  My picks for Adapted are The Social Network and The Kings Speech for Original.

814p... And the Oscar goes to... Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network!  I got 2 right!   Aaron comes up and gives a pleasant speech, and its based on a book called "The Accidental Billionaires".  I've got 2 credits built up on Audible.com, think I'll use one of them on this.   The orchestra starts to play, but doesn't play him off, because he keeps talking.

816p... Now, its Original Screenplay, and I went with The King's Speech.  Josh and Javier, the White Tux Twins, gives the Oscar to The Kings Speech.  I lost four in a row, but have now won three straight!! 

818p... David Seidler, who wrote The King's Speech, is probably in his 70s, and starts his speech with, "My father always said... I'll be a late bloomer..."  The audience, and us, laugh heartily.   The gave Kirk Douglas as much time as he wanted, because he's Kirk Douglas, but now they are having to play catch-up by rushing winning speeches.

823p... Anne, still smoldering, even though she's in a tux, is back from break.   She begins singing a version of "On My Own" (for Les Mis) calling out Hugh Jackman for standing her up for a duet she was supposed to sing.   James Franco comes out in a pink dress, blond wig and horrible lipstick, saying, "You wore a tux, I wore this.  Weird part is, I just got a message from Charlie Sheen..."

825p... Russell Brand and Helen Mirren, the most attractive 93 year old on Earth, come out together now.  Helen speaks French, Russell incorrectly "translates".  They are here to give Best Movie By a Dang Fer-ah-ner.  The winner is "In a Better World".  There goes my winning streak, and I'm 3-5 for the night.  The chick director is doing her best English, though I'm wondering how long they will let her talk before you hear the music... and there it is...

829p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon comes out, looking so classy and awesome.  And she's here for the Best Supporting Actor.   I'll take Reese over Mo'nique (last years Supporting Actress winner) any day of the week, and fourteen times on Sunday.  And Monday.  And Wednesday.

Unshaved Christian Bale and his wife

830p... Unshaven Christian Bale is not a pleasant sight. 

830p... And the Oscar goes to Unshaven Christian Bale.  And his hair doesn't match his beard.  We might be 2 for 2 on F-Bombs from The Fighter tonight!

831p... How weird is it to hear Christian Bale speak in his native British tongue?  No joke. 

834p... So Christian looks over and acknowledges his wife, then stammers without saying her name.  The Lovely Steph Leann thinks Bale got choked up, but I think that Christian Bale just forgot his wife's name.  Seriously?

837p... Okay, so he just got choked up.  He teared up when talking about his daughter, choked up when discussing his wife, and plugged Dicky's website (the guy the his character was based on)  Fine, it was a good speech.

Bathroom break needed for both of us.  Show is on pause via DVR.   We are about 4.5 minutes behind... we'll catch up at the commercial break

843p... Here comes... well, I don't recognize them, but does it matter?  I dunno.  Its a little speech recognizing the marriage between ABC and The Academy Awards.   Shameless self promotions.

844p... Anne is out again, looking like... well, that dress is awkward.  Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman come out to award the award for Score.  We get a Sound history lesson, and an orchestra appears to play some of the more memorable scores from film.   I went with "The Social Network" on this.

847p... The winner is... Trent Reznor for "The Social Network".  Who da thunk five years ago that Nine Inch Nails would win an Oscar?  I loved Inception's score more, but I can deal with "Network".  I'm 5-5 for the night!  I'm coming back!

849p... Here comes the award for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing, with me picking Inception for both.  Seems like they would go hand in hand.   Here comes the very attractive Scarlett Johansson and the not so attractive Matthew McConaughey to give the awards... the winner of Mixing?  Inception.  The winner of Editing?  Inception?  Ha!  Seven wins for me! 

852p... I think to over/under for Christopher Nolan being thanked tonight is somewhere around 4,300.

856p... Back from break, Anne and James are introducing Marisa Tomei.  James Franco has a squinting problem.

856p... Marisa Tomei is in my All Time Most Beautiful Actresses Like, Ever Hall of Fame.  I love love love love love love Marisa Tomei.  She's telling us the tech awards that aren't shown on this broadcast.   James Franco says, "Congrats, nerds!"

858p... Every time I think Cate Blanchett is beautiful, she shows up not being so.  Tonight?  She's beautiful.  She tells us about Lord of the Rings, winner of the makeup award.  For makeup, its Rick Baker who has like, 87 Oscars.  Make it 88, and I got an 8th win tonight.   Daddy's on a roll, baby cakes!

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann likes to pick and choose the catagories she wants to predict, and out of the three she has picked, she's 3-0.  Of course, she picked Toy Story 3, which was as big of a lock as any award in history.  Which means she picked Alice in Wonderland for Costume Design, and that means its going to win.

901p... And the Oscar goes to?  Not True Grit, my pick, now making me 8-6 on the night.  Its Alice.

902p... The chick who won is reading her speech.  When was the last time anyone actually read their speech?   She gets to the bottom of the page as the orchestra plays her offstage. 

903p... Favorite movie song?  Wow... "I've Had the Time Of My Life"... "Beauty and the Beast"... "How Do You Know" from Enchanted... "Against All Odds"... and He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is onscreen, telling us "Time Goes By"?  What?  Random.

905p... Kevin Spacey is out to introduce the songs that are nominated... first is Randy Newman, who has his 20th nomination this year.  He's doing "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  Next is Mandy Moore and Zach Levi to do "I See The Light" from Tangled... Zach Levi is a Christ Follower, by the way? 

907p... Mandy Moore is stunning, but Anne has her beat tonight.  (in fairness, Reese tops them both, Mila Kunis in that dress beats all three, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, tops them all).  Zach Levi looks like a welfare Ben Affleck.  

909p... Commercial break!   Want to see an incredible Oscar song performance?  Click here.

911p... James Franco introduce Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and the are out to award Documentary Short Film.   Jake says it best in saying, "Shorts are also the hardest things to pick on your Oscar ballot... so see the shorts, and you might be a winner."   The Lovely Steph Leann isn't picking this catagory, by the way.   I chose "Killing in the Name", and the winner is "Strangers No More".  I'm 8-7 so far. 

912p... And now Best Live Action Short Film.  My pick was "God of Love" and WOO-HOO!  I picked that one!  Yeah!  I'm back!

Luke Matheny and his fro in a pre-Oscar photo op

916p... Luke Matheny is giving the speech for the win, looks about 7 feet tall and has a fro the size of Red Robin.  Awesome.  He races through the thank-yous, including his mom, who did craft services for the film.  Awesome speech. 

917p... James and Anne are back, and there's a sight gag on movies that aren't musicals that they parody into musicals... including "Harry Potter", "Toy Story 3" and Timberlake on "The Social Network".  This little montage should win Best Editing.   The Twilight spot is called "He Doesn't Own a Shirt", featuring Taylor Lautner.  That was funny.

919p... The next presenter?  Oprah.  Who's network is really struggling, by the way.   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oprah looks like she's putting on weight", and I respond, "Doesn't she always?"

920p... Oprah is giving out The Best Documentary of the Year award.  No news on whether Algore has given back the one he won for An Inconvenient Truth, which turned out be A Big Fat Piece of Crap.   The Oscar goes to?  Inside Job.  I picked Restrepo.  Apparently, Inside Job is about the banking and housing collapse, so had I known that, I would have gone with it.  These are the same people who won for the anti-Iraqi doc "No End in Sight".  And the speech bascially starts out with, "Rich people suck."

926p... Anne is back, looking all awesome and good looking, and she introduces former Oscar host--someone who did it best for years--Billy Crystal.  He even gets a standing ovation.  "The producers asked me to tell you that we are running long... so here's the nominees for Best Picture..."

928p... Its a look back at the first televised Oscars, with Bob Hope hosting it 18 times.  Billy Crystal has been out for 30 seconds, and he's the funniest thing tonight not named Kirk Douglas.   So now, we take a look back at the 25th Annual Academy Awards, hosted by Bob Hope.  Bob says, "The Academy Awards, or as its known at my house, Passover."  Its a hologram of Bob on the real Oscar podium, introducing what else...

931p... Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law come out to do Visual Effects.  Token shot at RDJ's ho filled past by Jude Law, mildly funny banter, and to the nominees we go!  I went with Inception... and the winner is... Inception.  During the clip, they showed the hallway fight scene, and the big tunnel made to do that scene--you can't show that and then not give Inception the award.  Its a techie sweep!  And I get my 10th win!  And... I still have 8 losses.  Boo.

934p... Film Editing is the next award.  I chose The Social Network, and the winner is... Facebook!  11-8!

937p... S'Ray just texted me the following:  The dress that the escort taking people off stage was
designed by Borris Powell... my high school drum major from the little town of Piedmont, Alabama.

940p... I asked "Is he a fashionista now?" and he replies, "He was on the red carpet tonight and reported that Valentino loved his design."  So, there ya go.

940p... James and Anne are back... Anne is ravishing in red.  James makes some innuendo jokes on movie titles (Winter's Bone?) and they introduce Jennifer Hudson, who then introduces the final two songs nominated for Best Song.  First is "If I Rise" from "127 Hours". 

942p... I am now going to sing the first part of "If I Rise"... "fa la wa wa la wa wa... fla wa lo lo la la..."

943p... Here's Gwynth Paltrow to sing her song from "Country Strong", the one I picked to win the award.   And the winner is?  The one I didn't think would get it, Randy Newman's "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  I'm 11-9 on the night, and The Lovely Steph Leann is irritated that the Tangled song didn't win.

948p... Twenty noms, only his 2nd win.  That's kinda wrong.

949p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still railing against Tangled's loss.

951p... Just saw on Facebook... Discussing the chick who sang the song from "127 Hours", Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) says, "I want Florence from Florence and the Machine to go to Melissa Clark and get a new hairstyle.."

952p... Celine Dion brings us back from break, and its the In Memorium montage.  Celine Dion looks like she's 54, trying desperately to look 34.   So far, no applause for anyone yet, even though they showed Tony Curtis already. 

Corey Haim.  December 23, 1971 to
March 10th, 2010.  Rest in Peace, Lost
Boy, Rest in Peace.

953p... With no applause for Leslie Nielsen, I am now guessing they have the Applause-o-Meter turned off.  There's no way Leslie doesn't get a round of clapping.   Don't know who Susanna York is, but she had bad teeth.  Hope that didn't contribute to her death...

955p... My guess would be that Dennis Hopper and Blake Edwards would get the biggest round of applause for the night, but no clapping until the very end.  Out comes Halle Berry to tell us about Lena Horne, who died this past year.  She gets a good tribute, and we fade to commercial...

958p... No Corey Haim.  That's tragic.

1001p... The show is officially running long.  Anne Hathaway is in a deep blue silky looking gown.  She introduces Hillary Swank, who is a... gulp... two time (!) Academy Award winner!

1002p... Last year's Best Director, Kathyrn Bigalow, who won for "The Hurt Locker", is out to give away Best Director.   The Oscar goes to... Tom Hooper, for "The King's Speech".  This now seals Speech as Best Picture, if you ask me.  I picked Fincher for "The Social Network", so now I'm 11 wins, 10 losses.  Forget beating my all time record, I'll be lucky to finish above 500...

1005p... James looks like he's on drugs.  He brings out Annette Bening.  She tells us about The Governor's Awards, which is a Lifetime Achievement ceremony for legendary Hollywoodians.  Eli Wallach is one shown given an award, as is Frances Ford Coppola.  I personally like doing a special tribute to someone on the actual show itself, though they do bring out Eli, Frances and another honoree to the stage.  They get standing ovations, of course.

1011p... James and Anne introduce Jeff Bridges to give Best Actress.  The show is in full "We are behind!" mode, so things are speeding up.   He mentions Annette Bening's nomination... as much as I hated "The Kids are All Right", I think Julianne Moore was ten times better than Annette.  

1014p... I like how Jeff Bridges is talking to each nominee, not just saying their name and their movie, but discussing how good each of them were.   I'm sure the Oscars' producers are like "hurry it up, Jeff!" because he's taking forever, but its cool.

1016p... And the Oscar goes to... Princess Padme Amidala.  I picked Annette Bening to win, and I'm absolutely fine that she didn't.  I know, I know, "Black Swan" is sort of a gay ballet movie too, but its got to be better than "The Kids are All Right".   11-11

1018p... So, right in the middle of Natalie Portman's speech... not only does my internet go down, but my Dish Network goes down as well. 

1021p... Apparently, someone introduced Sandra Bullock during the outage, because here she is.  She mentions Javier Bardem, then turns to Jeff Bridges and says, "Dude, you already won this.  Let someone else win this for a change."  True Grit was a great film, by the way.  She tells Jesse Eisenberg in saying, "You've inspired lonely young men hunched over keyboards around the world." 

1025p... And the Oscar goes to... The President and Founding Member in Good Standing of The Colin Firth Club.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers loudly, claps and waves her hands as Colin Firth accepts the Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in "The King's Speech."   So I'm pretty confident I'll get the Best Picture win, making me 13-11 for the night.

1027p... Colin Firth gives a classy, eloquent, funny and well spoken acceptance.  The Lovely Steph Leann is giggling like a 4th grader.   Well done, Colin, well done.

1029p... The Best Motion Picture Oscar is up next, after these messages.

1032p... James and Anne shout, "Steven Spielberg!"  He comes out, and has in his hand an envelope that contains three words:  "The" "Kings" "Speech".  Ten best picture nominees.  While seeing Colin Firth do his King's Speech in the King's Speech, we see clips from all the Best Picture nominees. 

1034p... Who, besides K-Dub, would have ever expected to hear the words "Best Picture Nominee" and "Justin Timberlake" in the same sentence?   Said with a straight face?

1035p... "The King's Speech" takes the Oscar.  I finish the night 13-11, a horrible showing.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers on the picture win.

So there is the Oscars.  James Franco and Anne Hathaway say goodnight... James seems like he was a little bothered by the whole hosting thing,  but Anne sounded like she was having the time of her life the entire show. 

We finish the show by having a kids choir sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and the Oscar winners for the night come out all together, making a pretty cool visual, many of them holding up their Oscars. 

And that's a wrap.  Thanks for reading, see you this week...