Shania, Obama and Other Randomness

Random thoughts while watching the Lakers & Celtics, Game 3. Go C's!!

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If you are Mutt Lange, how do you cheat on Shania Twain? I mean, what more do you want, Mutt? Have you looked in a mirror lately? Your lady is rich, she's nice, she's smokin' hot, she's talented, and she loves you... how do you cheat on Shania Twain? And the lady he stepped out with? If you're going to cheat on Shania, make it with Carrie Underwood, or Taylor Swift, or heck, even Sara Evans... but the chick he was with? It would be like me cheating on The Lovely Steph Leann with Paul Carby.


Shania.... for this? Seriously?

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Kung Fu Panda. Good movie. I laughed, lots. I will say that Jackie Chan (Monkey) didn't have enough to do, but still, it was quite a good flick, and excellent for kids and adults alike.

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I think its a mistake to snatch up every single super hero in comics and make a movie out of them... I mean, some characters translate well to film--ie, Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, Alan Cummings as Night Crawler, Tobey Maguire as Spidey and Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne. Some, as Jenn Garner's Elektra and Brandon Routh's Superman can tell you, don't.

Here's a link to The 20 Superhero Movies We Hope They Never Make. #15 is so scary I almost poo'd myself.

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We kept our 10 year old niece Maddie here at The Cabana this weekend. Friday night, it was Unca' Dave and Little Maddie hanging out, which included the obligatory trip to the mall. We ended up spending some time in Libby Lu.

Its a teen/tween/drama queen dream. If you are babysitting, or caretaking of a young girl, just go there, let them run wild. Takes a good half hour or more of your time. If you want to use up even more time, give them some money to spend there--it'll be another 20 minutes for them to make their mind up on what to buy.

That being said, I think that if you are male, and don't have a child with you, you should be arrested for going into that store, because either you are R. Kelly, or scoping for chicks, and neither is good. I think Chris Hanson should just set up Dateline's cameras right here, in a new episode of "To Catch a Predator".

I almost expected him to walk out of Brookstone and stop me... "Excuse me, what are you doing here? Why don't you have a seat on that speckled, glittery stool right there..."

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Not only does "Get Smart" feature The Rock, whom I've got a mancrush on, but it also features Anne Hathaway, who might be one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood (could possibly be an heir apparent to The Goddess)... so why don't I want to see it?

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The fine art of buttering popcorn is lost on today's generation of theater working teenagers. I worked at a theater in college, then not too long after I moved to Birmingham, and I learned how to butter a tub of popcorn. You put a scoop or two it, give it a swirl of butter, put in more, swirl more butter on it, and so on until its full. That way, as you are eating the popcorn, just when you think you are out of popcorn with sufficient butter on it, well, looky there, more butter!

Today's kids? They just fill it up and do one swig of butter from the machine. If you ask for extra butter, you might get some in the middle. Absolutely no clue of the classics.

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Who hasn't wanted to own a Flux Capacitor?

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Stormtroopers posin'. That's all I can say. Its hilarious.

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I've talked about this on a previous blog... but I gotta tell ya, one of the most random, stupid movies ever that catches me when I flip past it on cable is "Employee of the Month". Dane Cook actually seems funny, Andy Dick is somewhat likable, and for whatever reason, Jessica Simpson is somewhat cute. (note to Tony Romo: Carrie is still hotter. If she wants you back, drop Jess like a bad habit).

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I maintain a theory that Barack Hussein Obama says nothing better than anyone else in the history of the world. He could teach Paula Abdul about sunshine and all of its blowing traits. I also think that when you take away the teleprompter, Barack the Magic Negro completely melts down with a deer in the headlights-like appearance.

Here's a transcript from his speech from last Thursday in Bristol, Virginia... someone asked him about universal healthcare--I had to listen to this about fifteen times to get it down perfectly. I suffer for you people. When you see "...", that doesn't mean I cut something out, this is exactly what he said.

Here's his answer:

"What they'll say is, well, it costs too much money, but, you know what? It would cost ab... it would, it would, it would cost about the same as what we would spend... it... over the course of ten years it would cost what it would cost us... it (uncomfortable chuckle)... alright, okay... we're going to... the... it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about... (someone in the audience says something--and keep in mind, other than this one guy, the audience is dead silent) Hold on one second, I can't hear myself. But I'm glad you're fired up though. I'm glad."

He continued by saying,"Everybody knows that it makes no sense that, you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs... when... if you... they just gave, gave them treatment early, and they got some treatment and... uh... a breathalyzer... or an inhalator... not a breathalyzer (crowd finally laughs) I haven't had much sleep in the last 48 hours..."

Yes, I'm sure he's tired, and yes, we all stumble over our words sometimes--heck, I stutter often... but my point is, if this is Dubya, the media would be going nuts about what a stupid, bumbling idiot he is.

Course, as busy as the clean and articulate Barack the Magic Negro is, its no wonder he hasn't visited all 57 states... or, with one left to go, that makes 58... though he hasn't been to Alaska or Hawaii... so 59? I'm so confused.

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You know, I don't know that I would have a problem with nationalized healthcare on two conditions... 1) its not mandatory. I want the option to get my own. 2) The government doesn't run it.

This is my big issue. You want our government, our Congress, who can't balance their budget, who has pumped billions of dollars into programs that don't work, who can't keep their Washington Senate cafes open (!) to run our healthcare program. By the way, if you click on the link, remember that our government majority tells us that privatization is a bad thing, and nationalization is a good thing.

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Whew... feel like I just opened up a firestorm with that. I'm going to get comments, I'm sure. I may respond, I may not... but I will say I'm in a weird position--I don't like either guy. McCain or Barack Hussein Obama. So anything I say about The Magic Negro, I'll probably agree with your responses when you get down on Johnny Mac.

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One of my favorite things about The Lovely Steph Leann? When she wears blue. God did this great thing with eyes where sometimes, if the clothes and the eye color match, the eyes shine. And The Lovely Steph Leann's does, when she wears blue. Her eyes dance. They're pretty eyes anyway, but they are so enamoring when they dance. I love it.

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And finally, I went thrift store shopping the other day with my buddies Jason, Croyle and Paulie Walnuts. The plan, originally, was for Jason to find a used tackle or tool box, but as the afternoon wore on, it was pretty clear that he just wanted an excuse to go out to thrift stores.

Perhaps the best one I'd ever seen was on Highway 150, right across from the Wal-Mart shopping center. Very clean, very organized. We somehow visited one in Centerpoint, then another in Centerpoint, which was like a football field full of nothing but crap. I mean, 8 tracks, vases, cups (I saw the same CBS 42 cup in all three stores), old clothes, tvs falling apart, couches falling apart, and we all felt somewhat dirty when we left.

Centerpoint is not really the safest places for three white guys and a half-Mexicali to be hanging out, so we all wore our Kevlar tightly. The highlight of the day, though, was some guy on his motorcycle who flew past us on his crotch rocket, wheelie and all. Secretly, we were hoping he would fall off.

So anyway, we're strumming along, and we somehow catch up to him. Croyle is driving, so we arne't trying to catch up--he's not known for his interstate speed. The guy on the rocket looks over at us, has this look if "wha? how did you...??" and speeds off. He gets caught behind a truck, and we pass him again. This time we all grin and wave.

This is the kind of stuff you get all the time being single, but only get every now and again married. Paulie Walnuts said, "You know what, forget the wives. Let's just hang out tonight."

Woulda been nice...

The 100 Coolest Things of 2007... 90 to 81

Continuing the Top 100 Coolest Things About 2007, according to Dave. Cause its my blog.

#90. Wendi Deckermiller. She was my friend at Troy State back in the day, and she's my friend now. She frequently comments on the blog, and has taken some great photographs as part of her hobby. Bottom line is, she's just cool. Hence, the 90th coolest of 2007.

#89. "Barack the Magic Negro". Before I'm branded as the biggest racist you know, let's get one thing clear... it was David Ehrenstein, a columnist for the LA Times, who called Barack Obama "The Magic Negro". Then, its was Sen. Joe Biden (D-MD) who said Obama was "...the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy...". So what did my boy Rush Limbaugh do? He called up comedian Paul Shanklin, who, impersonating Reverend Al Sharpton, sang a little ditty called "Barack the Magic Negro", to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon".

And its one of the funniest things I've ever heard... of course, what's even funnier is that the media, and especially "unbiased" sites like The Daily Kos and Media Matters went nuts, calling Rush every racist name in the book, but never mentioning Ehrenstein (the source) or even Biden (who's comments I would have been totally offended at).

If you know anything about Al Sharpton, the fact that its Al Sharpton singing, plus the fact he's using a bullhorn is absolutely hysterical. Here's a video from You Tube which is equally as funny.

And for all you Democrats who think this is racist, then tell you what... you back off Condi Rice, especially with those "brown sugar" cartoons, (ladies & gentlemen, your tolerant, compassionate, fighting for equality and the poor Democrats in action!) and I won't laugh at Barack the Magic Negro.

#88. "What If?" by Robert Cowley. So what would have happened if Hitler refrained from attacking Russia, saving his army and instead took the Middle East and captured the oil? What would have happened if D-Day had failed? What would have happened in the Civil War if the plans that Robert E. Lee lost, plans that were found by the Union and used to decimate the Confederacy, weren't lost? These and several other questions are asked in this book, and to answer them, historians such as Stephen Ambrose and David McCollough use speculation to give you a present now that could be, resulting from a past that could have gone differently. I personally love to play the "what if?" game, and this book was absolutely fascinating.

My favorite of the bunch is "Unlikely Victory: 13 Ways the Americans Could Have Lost the Revolution", which really paints a picture that truly the Americans didn't win the war, so much as the English bungled it up from the start, and one of more than a dozen things could have gone differently and we might all be speaking the Queen's English, driving on the other side of the road and July 4th wouldn't be as busy at Disney World. Good stuff.

#87. Solitairy. Its a stupid show on Fox Reality, a channel I don't even get amongst the 200 that I do. I only know about it from the free episode that got me hooked... nine contestants are each placed in a solitairy room, and throughout a series of obstacles, challenges, lack of sleep, lack of any good food, and so on, they begin to drop out one by one. The narrator is a chick named Val, who sounds just feminine enough to be a woman, yet still sounds like a robot. She talks to the contestants, pits them against each other and really tortures them--well, by the Democrats version of torture. I'm sure all 9 could be put in Club Gitmo, with their 3 or 4 square meals per day, work out rooms, religious freedoms and supplies and... oh, here I go again.

Anyway, the hilarious part is the winner gets... $50,000. Not a million, like Survivor. Not up to a million like Deal or No Deal. Not $500K or so, like Amazing Race. No, 50K. All this for fifty thousand, of which after taxes, you'll be looking at about $27,000, which is still a lot of money, but not really. The show is funny, and I enjoyed it. Looking forward to season three.

#86. Classic videos on iTunes. So, I'm flipping though the iTunes video section one day, and was startled... I found Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby", AND Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" on the same day, and all this was even after I had downloaded "Hazard" by Richard Marx (the sheriff did it! the sheriff killed Mary, I'm certain!!). All the links, by the way, are to the You Tube videos, which I highly recommend.

However, the coup de gras has to be "Don't Make Me Wait for Love", by Kenny G, from the album Duotones. Just the fact it starts out with a big fro'd Kenny getting out bed, shirtless, in long pajama pants to walk out on the beach porch at sunrise, then to see his silhouette with a saxophone.... high, high, high comedy. What's worse is that this is a rare Kenny G tune where there is a vocalist (Lenny Williams) and you NEVER see him in the video. This might be the best purchase under $4 I've ever made... well, except when I bought Smooth Love Jams of the 90s for $3.99 used. (and I know none of you think I'm kidding... and you'd be right)

FYI, I found this image online. However, I totally have the tape, and remember jamming (okay, can you use the word jamming when talking about Kenny G?) to it while traveling to Enterprise or Dothan in high school.

Anyway, I expect all of you to watch this, then report back to me.

And while we're at it, heck, here's a link to my favorite video of ever all time.... my favorite for so many reasons, not the least of which includes Keanu answering "Have you ever been in love?" with "If I was, I didn't know it..." (if this ever makes it on iTunes, I'd be hard pressed not to put it in the Top 10 Coolest of that Year)

#85. Drive. So, I see ads for this show all during January and February. Something about a man who's family is kidnapped, and the only way to get them back is to win this cross country race. But lo and behold, each and every participant has their own story, and each are forced to win the race to win back what they lost. Its gripping, its exciting, its interesting and... Fox canceled it after only a few episodes. Of course. This show had the potential to be a Top 50 Coolest... but I never got to see what happened. Because they never finished the story. Because either Fox wants "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" to succeed, America wants to watch such shows instead of great programming like "Drive", or both. Sigh.

#84. "The Reminder" by Feist. Yes, yes, she's the chick who sings "1-2-3-4, tell me that you love me more" from the Apple Nano commercials, which gives you a clip of the superb video. It was shot all in one take, if you can believe that. Anyway, Leslie Feist is a Canadian singer who's third album, "The Reminder" has been boosted by that very commercial. But beyond "1-2-3-4", the whole album is a gem, and truly is what I was hoping KT Tunstall's album, "Eye to the Telescope" would have been last year. Favorite track? "Brandy Alexander", right now... its fun, its classy, its talented. You can get this cd at Best Buy for like, ten bucks. Go for it.

#83. Manda Laughlin. One of my kids from WalkAbout, back in the day, who's grown up to be this beautiful young lady, graduating and heading off to college, and ya know, I think we might just be friends beyond "you used to be my student". Do you know Amanda? You're better for it.


Ya know, it was hard finding a picture of Amanda by herself... I had to flip through her Facebook photos--and yes, I realize that might be a little creepy. Anyway, I thought this was a good shot, though I didn't take it... had I've taken it, it wouldn't have been as light as it is, cause I have the cool camera and all and... wait... where was I?.

#82. Boise State over Oklahoma. In possibly one of the best games I've ever seen, and I only say the second half, little Boise State from the WAC Conference took on big bad Oklahoma, from the Big XII, and was, like, a 422 point underdog. And one game, an overtime and a play called "Statue of Liberty", and the Broncos come out 43-42 winners (plus one of the main guys--something Johnson--proposed to the freakin' head cheerleader after the game). This is why I love college football.

#81. Todd on Survivor. Let's face it... the Survivor in the spring of 2007 was really boring. Really boring. I keep watching though, knowing that the time for Survivor is limited, perhaps one or two more seasons left... but this past season, Survivor China, was fantastic. And mostly, it falls on the shoulders of a little gay Mormon named Todd Herzog. He'd been watching Survivor since he was 14, and at the Reunion Show, he laid out for the world everything--he had a game plan, he knew who to bring in, who to betray, who to align himself with, who to get voted off, who to get to vote off who he was getting voted off, who to shift blame to, who to lie to, and it was hilarious. This kid had it down to a tee. And he's a million dollars richer.

Coming up: The stink called The Golden Compass, a movie so bad its Superbad and... Kdub