two docs, one fyre

There are two things I really enjoy in my entertainment life... pop culture and pop culture documentaries.  So when I got the word that Netflix was doing a documentary on Fyre Fest, I was hooked before I saw the first shot.

I checked my Just Watch app on Tuesday and was totally confused, as Hulu showed a documentary called "Fyre Fraud". I wondered if Netflix had loaned it's doc to Hulu for some reason, or maybe I misunderstood which streaming service would have it... nope, turns out, Hulu undercut Netflix and released their own doc a few days before Netflix could.  All's fair in love and docs, I guess (after Netflix bragged on Hulu during the Golden Globes!  Shade!)

Two docs about an event that most people had forgotten about

Here's the set up... In 2017, Fyre Fest was this massive paradise event down on a Bahamian island where thousands of people would converge for two weekends, see musical artists like Blink 182 and Ja Rule, hang out in cabanas and yachts and possibly meet up with the celebs and see lots of "social media influencers".  I am not sure that job existed 10 years ago, but apparently its a thing now.

Influencers like Bella Hadid and hundreds of others posted and promoted, including posting up a simple orange square, then telling people that Fyre Fest was the place to be.  In fact, Kendall Jenner was paid $250K just for posting said square.

But the event itself was a complete fiasco of the highest proportions.  Nothing was built, no musical acts were there, the infrastructure of the island wasn't stable, there was no food and water, barely any plumbing, and those yachts and cabanas turned out to be wet mattresses inside of FEMA tents that were left from Hurricane Matthew. Hundreds of teens and millennials and up were stranded on this small island with no place to go and no way to get home. And it got ugly fast.

So I saw "Fyre Fraud", the Hulu doc, first.  And it is fantastic.  Focusing on William McFarland, who was the man behind Fyre Fest, it follows him from his early days as a scam artist up until he was making real money conning people. And it all led to promising 1000s of people that the biggest concert around would take place in the Caribbean, with all the big names and social media influencers you could imagine... and it was both sad and hilarious at the same time, watching the Fyre Fest team shake their heads about the impossible position they were put in.

This one orange square posted and reposed 1000s of times helped sell out
Fyre Fest, including selling yacht and beach home spaces that didnt exist

Hulu seems to not only point a finger at Billy McFarland, but also a few of his associates, including the Jerry Media group he partnered with, and even some to rapper Ja Rule, who was involved as well. Another thing that has some people irked with Hulu was that they paid him to appear in their doc, but to me, it was worth it to watch him look so uncomfortable on camera, and say a lot of things without saying really anything at all -- he is obviously well rehearsed in how to dance around answers and never admit to anything. In short, he is a total scumbag.

So then, Netflix releases it's documentary today (Friday Jan 18), and I'm pretty much pumped as can be for it. Officially titled "FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened", it was actually made in conjunction with Jerry Media.  That did send up a red flag to me, as how unbiased can it be if the people in one documentary are helping to tell the story in the other?

Well, the Netflix doc (also fantastic) points it's Spotlight of Blame directly at Billy McFarland and doesn't let up. It jumps right into the Fyre Fest planning, starting 5 months before the festival.  Keep in mind that festivals of these size takes a year, maybe 2 years to put together, and that's likely after a plan is already in place.... McFarland thought he could do it in 5 months, and that's as he was shopping for an island to purchase.  Yes, this dude thought of the festival first, started promoting it, then went to buy an island for it. (purchasing an island once owned by Pablo Escobar. Yep. That's a true story)

Because you know it's a disaster, you watch with a sense of anticipation, knowing this house of cards that McFarland is trying to build is about to crash, but you just aren't sure exactly when... and it gets worse than you'd think. To the point where one of McFarland's assistants was instructed to go meet with a Bahama official to get a trailer full of bottled water released, and was told to... well, take one for the team and do something pretty unbelievable to get that water. It's mind blowing how many bad decisions, either knowingly or not, were made in this thing.

Both docs give you time frames of "5 months until..." and "6 weeks until...." and "5 days until..." and you just marvel at all the things that aren't done and won't be completed -- and how McFarland just keeps moving forward.

He wasn't featured in the Netflix doc, but his partners were, and they all tell the tale of how promising it sounded but how it quickly became unfathomable that it would happen. Netflix's "Fyre" is much more in depth than Hulu's "Fire Fest", not only in what happened on that island...

(one attendee talked about how when the sun went down, "the camaraderie was over", the looting began, tents on fire and so on. And honestly, I am shocked that neither documentary mentioned anything about sexual assault... either it didn't happen, or they just didn't report that)

...but also what happened legally when it call came crashing down .

(cut to Billy sitting in a massive NYC penthouse, with a small staff, sending out emails to people to sell them VIP passes to things like MET Gala, Victoria's Secret fashion ship, and meet n greets with Taylor Swift... it's important to note that the MET Gala is invite only, Victoria's never has VIP passes and TayTay doesn't do meet n greets.)

Someone in the Netflix doc makes the point
that it took 100s of models and celebs posting
an orange square to build Fyre Fest, but only
one picture of a cheese sandwich to bring it
all crashing down. 

After discussion the documentary on social media, I'm a little surprised on how many people have never heard of Fyre Fest, as it was a massive story in 2017.

Admittedly, I knew little about it as it led up to the event, because I didn't pay any attention to Bella Hadid or any Jenner or Kardashian or anyone else you could call a Social Media Influencer, so both of these movies really helped tell the story, both in their own way.  You could layer them atop one another and you'd get mostly different interviews with much of the same perspective. Hulu has one of the island workers who was trying to spearhead construction, while Netflix talks to one of the local restaurant owners.  The owner of the now infamous Twitter account @FyreFraud (his name escapes me) was in both movies, telling the same type of tales.

Both movies also show you the sheer power of social media, and the power of its users... when reports began to leak out about Fyre Fest, including the infamous picture of the cheese on toast, which really solidified everyone's fears and suspicions that Fyre Fest was truly a fraud.

Plus the ugly side of social media comes out when post after post is shown of people reveling in the misery of "rich kids", some of which sold all of their possessions,  their cars, quit their jobs and cashing out college funds  to come to the Bahamas.  As comedian Ron Funches says, "If you had $1000s of dollars to go on a trip to see Blink 182, that's on you.  That's Darwinism at it's finest." Indeed.

If I had a preference, I'd pick Netflix's version, only because it is deeper and more in-depth about the festival itself, but I loved how Hulu gave you the backstory on McFarland's previous scams, including the creation of Magnesis, which Netflix barely touches on.

See the both if you can.

they call him the bandit

As I get older, the movie stars that consumed my childhood do the same. And as they were already miles ahead of me in years when I was a kid, it only stands to reason that we will lose them steadily as time goes by.

Another piece of my childhood passed on today. RIP, Burt.

I'm just awaiting the day when I'll see on Twitter that Clint Eastwood has passed on... he is 88, after all.  Or Harrison Ford, who is 76.  Or even Dick Van Dyke (92), Robert Duvall (87) or Julie Andrews (82).

Even my boyhood love Rene Russo, is sitting pretty gorgeous at 64.  And Michael Keaton just had a birthday, and turned 67, and I thought "Wow... that guy is almost 70..." and despite the number of years so many of my boyhood favorites have lived past 70, that 7 decade number seems to be my mental age of demarcation where I subconsciously think, "Okay, now they are on a 'we could lose them'" list.  I think it was Steven Spielberg turning 70 in 2016 that it suddenly clicked on the mortality of Hollywood.

And so today, while I was not shocked at all, I was still saddened by the news that Burt Reynolds had died. On one hand, how is that possible?  He's the freakin' Bandit, for gosh sake. Bandits don't die!

Well... yes, yes they do. Just like Snowmen died (Jerry Reed in 2008) and Sheriff Buford T Justices die (Jackie Gleason in 1987), Bandits do pass on.

Reynolds... oh, whatever, I'm calling him Bandit... so Bandit starred in a boatload of movies, many of which are likely forgotten, regulated to that side of our brain that is only accessed when trivia comes up, or you see the title flash on your DirecTV or Dish guide as you scroll past AMC or FXX on a Sunday afternoon.  Or the type of films you'd see on WGN as the movie of the week were this, say, 1998.  Movies like "Stick" and "Heat" and "Gator" and "City Heat" and "Sharkey's Machine" and "White Lightening" and "Physical Evidence"... these are movies most of you will not remember... well, I'd say in a year or two, but I can say later today. I barely remember them and I co-host a 340+ episode movie podcast.

Then there are the movies that he's really known for.  The aforementioned Bandit films (1 and 2 especially... 3 is an abomination, even for these movies), and as Jack Horner in "Boogie Nights", a film that he later expressed regret over because of the subject matter, despite the comeback it meant in his career and the Supporting Actor nomination the Academy gave him.  And who can forget "Deliverance", his breakout role as Lewis, the leader of a group of guys who are out fishing in the woods to horrible consequences.  Squeal like a pig, Ned Beatty.  Indeed.

He even did some TV work, spending years on CBS in "Evening Shade", a staple for my parents every week.

But it was this 10-15 year run in the 70s and 80s that made me a lifelong Bandit fan. The movies I watched over and over and over, the ones that sealed themselves in my memory as "great films" that I know upon a rewatch today, would be proven wrong... well, except for this fifth one.

Here are my five favorite Burt "Bandit" Reynolds roles:

5 - Paul Crewe in "The Longest Yard" (1974).  I actually saw this in the last five years or so, and while the Sandler remake isn't terrible (Bandit even shows up in that one too!), "Yard" is a funny and still somewhat dark comedy about a group of prisoners who play football. Eddie Albert is the Warden, as is a great villain.

4 - Hooper in "Hooper" (1978). Bandit is this stuntman trying to prove himself, even with upstart Jan Michael Vincent's Ski on set to try and be the better stuntman.  Admittedly, I hadn't seen this in a while, but I remember this cavalcade of 70s stars, including James Best (also Roscoe P Coletrane), Robert Klein, Adam West (the original Batman), Terry Bradshaw (he kept trying to act... see #1 below), and 70s That Guy Robert Tessier

Onc could argue that the true star of this movie is the car. And one
wouldn't necessarily be wrong. 

3 - Bandit in "Smokey & the Bandit" (1977) and "Part II" (1980). I'd venture to say this is Bandit's most iconic role, even above "Deliverance" and 'Boogie Nights", and if a movie about hillbilly rapists wasn't enough of a breakout, then this sent him over the moon, as he became the biggest star in the world.  And why not? This movie, with barely a script, a co-star (Sally Field) who feared this movie would ruin her career -- and who Burt fell in love with -- and an unproven director became the 2nd biggest film of 1977, behind some forgotten flick called "Star Wars".  Toss in Jerry Reed as his semi driving BFF, a basset named Fred, an obsessed, racist, rude sheriff on his tail and an iconic, black T-Top Trans Am, and you've got a hit. Make a part 2, have a bunch of county mounties and Mountie mounties take on a few dozen semi trucks, and you've got me hooked for life.

SIDEBAR:  In "Smokey & the Bandit Part II", Bandit and Snowman have to haul a baby elephant across the country. Towards the end of the film, Bandit takes on Buford T. Justice's brothers (also played flamboyantly and over the top by the impeccable Gleason) with a fleet of trooper and Canadian Mountie police cars. Snowman shows up with a squad of Semi Trucks, and for 8 year old me, this 20 minutes was the highlight of my year. It was so funny, and hilarious, and cool, and watch that car bend in half and oh look Bandit is driving over the tops of the semis and so awesome.  Problem is, I re-watched this not too long ago... its not 20 minutes.  Its 2 minutes.  And it's so bad. Everything I thought I loved as an 8 year old stayed with me being 8 years old.  Use caution when revisiting your youth. 

Their chemistry was great, and I even had the diecast car of the
ambulance they drove.

2 - Stroker Ace in "Stroker Ace" (1983). Bandit is a NASCAR driver caught in a contract under the jerkface Clyde Torkel (Ned Beatty, eating up the scenery in a very chewy movie), and is forced to race in a chicken suit. Toss in Loni Anderson as love interest/publicist Pembrook Feeney, Jim Nabors and crew chief Lugs, and a fantastic Parker Stevenson as rival driver Aubrey James, and it's a delight.  This movie is the definition of so bad but so stinkin' fun.

And finally, my favorite Burt Reynolds role:

JJ McClure in "Cannonball Run" (1981). I cannot tell you how much I love this movie. This is a prime example of a film that hits you at just the right age, a film that if anyone else watched it, they may or may not hate it. Because its a ridiculous movie, filled with stars from the day -- Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, country star Mel Tillis, Terry Bradshaw, Farrah Fawcett, Adrienne Barbeau, Roger Moore, a newbie Jackie Chan and many, many more. And they are all in a race across the country.  JJ McClure and his buddy Victor (the late and so, so great Dom DeLuise) decide to use an ambulance to race in, figuring the sirens would get them moving faster.

Fast cars, pretty girls, funny jokes, an awesome soundtrack by Ray Stevens (that opening music is so great) and fantastically whimsical theme by Chuck Mangione, then one of my favorite fight scenes in all of movies (the whole cast up against a biker gang) that DOES hold up, as I've seen it recently, all make for a movie that I would watch right now, and will be watching when I'm 50, 65 or even 82.

Yellow hat. Its funny. Because it's bigger than a normal hat.

PS... Avoid Cannonball Run II.  It tries to recapture the magic of part 1 and just can't do it. 

So thanks Burt. Thanks for all you did, thanks for helping my childhood movie fandom develop, thanks for driving that ambulance, that chicken car, that T-Top, and even that speedboat in "Gator".

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin', we gonna do what they say can't be done. We gotta long way to go and a short time to get there, I'm east bound and watch ol' Bandit run... 

Also... don't discount Norm McDonald as Turd Ferguson on Saturday Night Live's "Celebrity Jeopardy". Its one of the funniest things to ever be on that show in all it's 45 years

the top ten books of 2017

A few weeks ago... well, 10 days ago... which is shocking, because I feel like I'm at a pace where I'm putting a winter solstice between posts, but recently, I listed the books I read in 2017, giving a brief synopsis and recommending most of them... not all of them, thought (I'm looking at you, "The Circle") but most.

My favorite book of 2014, a book I think
everyone should read. Its life changing.

But there were ten books that I wanted to mention in this post, which are my Top Ten Books of 2017.  The ones I enjoyed the most, relished as I read, put them away mentally for a possible re-read later, or that actually made me aware of how dusty it is in this room.  Seriously, two books did that for me.

So, what book will join the list of Fave Books of the Year, a list that includes Stephen King's "Doctor Sleep" (my fave book of 2013)... Carlos Whittaker's "Moment Maker" (my fave book of 2014)... Andy Weir's "The Martian" (my fave book of 2015)... and Michael Lewis' "The Big Short" (my fave book of 2016)? 

First, folow @TheDaveofPop  on Instagram for nearly daily book and movie reviews, where all of these books were originally reviewed after being read.

Now let's see the list and find out the list, shall we?

My 10th Favorite Book of 2017
"The Great Beanie Baby Bubble: Mass Delusion and the Dark Side of Cute" by Zac Bissonnette. Yes, this book is about the origins and business of those little plush animals with the red, heart shaped tag, those same ones that were supposed to be insanely valuable now and would pay your way through college. This was one of those books I circled for a while, and finally landed on, and it was delightful in the weirdest way. It chronicles the rise, fall and sort of rise of Ty Warner, founder of the Ty Company, and... well, how he's a total jackwagon. To everyone. That tag line of "Mass Delusion..." fits this journey perfectly. (it's also got another subtitle in some places, that being "The Amazing Story of How America Lost It's Mind Over a Plush Toy--And the Eccentric Genius Behind it")

My 9th Favorite Book of 2017
"Reasons to Be Pretty" by Neil LaBute.  This is a stage play written by one of my two favorite playwrights (David Mamet being the other), and right at the top, we learn that Greg has said something fairly stupid to his girlfriend Steph.  But we also learn that Steph has a flair for the overdramatic, which means she fits perfectly with their best friends Kent and Carly, two people also deeply flawed for various reasons. The sequel is called "Reasons to Be Happy", which I enjoyed, but I loved how this book/play unfolded.

My 8th Favorite Book of 2017
"Yes Please" by Amy Poehler.  When I read Tina Fey's "Bossypants", I wasn't sure I'd enjoy this book as much. I mean, "Bossypants" is hilarious, and Tina is smoking hot (two things that can potentially draw me to a book) so how could Amy compete?  She did. And more. This book is absolutely hysterical, riffing on everything from celebrity, to SNL to motherhood and marriage and life on Parks & Rec and life in general, and with her reading the audiobook, her delivery is nearly perfect. So good.

Available in paperback or Kindle. Quick
read, too... less than 200 pages

My 7th Favorite Book of 2017
"Catch Somewhere" by Megan Hall. This is the sweet story of a young lady named Kinsley who faces what so many girls do -- heartache in high school. Kins, as she's nicknamed, takes her pain out in other ways, however, through an addiction that is all too common, but having never been a 15 year old girl (nor playing one on TV), its something I don't understand. Megan Hall writes in a "dramedy" sort of manner, with a few funny pop culture references, but the story shines through the characters Hall puts around Kinsley, including a best friend and a Bible study coed. I'm not in the audience demo, but I enjoyed this very much and even found myself a little misty eyed at the "reunion" towards the end.  Got me right in the feels. Full disclosure, Megan is a friend of mine, but I can truthfully say that I wouldn't have put her book on this list had I not felt it deserving.  Also... I really like where the title comes in. It's... it's... pure.

My 6th Favorite Book of 2017
"I'll Have What She's Having: How Nora Ephron's Three Iconic Films Saved The Romantic Comedy" by Erin Carlson.  My favorite movie of all time is "You've Got Mail", so how could I resist a book that takes you behind the scenes of not just that, but "When Harry Met Sally" and "Sleepless in Seattle".  You get untold stories of casting, anecdotes from the set, and everyone from Meg Ryan to Rob Reiner to Tom Hanks to Billy Crystal and more giving their stories and insight.  Director Nora Ephron led a complicated life, and this book doesn't shy away from talking about that either, as she had plenty of personal crises during the making of each of these modern day classics. I loved the intimacy of  this book, and I recommend it for movie fans.

My 5th Favorite Book of 2017

You can read this without the others, but
I would highly recommend Start above any of
the four. 

"Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done" by Jon Acuff.  This is the final book in the Acuff Career Quadrology (which includes "Quitter", "Start" and "Do Over"), and this book is exactly what it sounds like -- getting stuff done. The whole idea is that it's easy to "Start" something, and it's even somewhat to just do-over... but finishing is the hardest part without just throwing your hands up, becoming a "Quitter".  (Hey Acuff -- see what I did there? Eh? You can email me to set up a time to be on your podcast).  Whether its a goal of losing weight or finishing a book or starting a book or getting your career in some facsimile of order, or maybe even getting your personal life figured out, this book will give you the guidance and encouragement needed.  And it's pretty funny, especially the audiobook.

My 4th Favorite Book of 2017
"Wonder" by R.J. Palacio.  Another book that I had picked up and set back on the shelf about 70 times before I decided to give it a whirl -- which I only did because my Dear Friend Janna has a cute kid who recommended it to me.  And honestly, I didn't want it to end. Little Auggie Pullman suffers from a severe facial deformity and is headed to public school for the first time. Of course, he faces the harsh reality of cruel kids around him, but also the warmth of a few random kids who decide to stand by him. We see the school year not just from his eyes, but also from his neglected sister Via, his best friend Jack Will (one of my favorite characters in this or any book in a long time), and Via's former BFF Miranda, who's perspective is very surprising. And when the "honor guard" is mentioned at the end... I mean... I wanted to openly weep. I'm a dad, so it hit me. I cannot recommend this book enough not just to kids and young adults, but anyone.  Also, see the movie.  It's not as in-depth as the book, but its wonderful too.

My 3rd Favorite Book of 2017
"The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside the Room, The Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made" by Greg Sestero. The title doesn't lie here... "The Room" is one of the greatest bad movies ever made... and when I say "bad", it's not like "Employee of the Month" Dane Cook bad... nay, its bad. I mean horrendously awful bad. And its written and directed by Tommy Wisseau, a man who believes he truly belongs in the Hollywood elite. Sestero was Tommy's closest friend for many years, and starred in the movie with Tommy, and this book is a great glimpse into the insanity of the film's production -- a film where the writing, the acting, the plots make no sense, weirdly named characters like "Chris-R" shows up for no reason to start a plot point that never pays off, or a mom's mentioning having cancer only to never be brought up again.  This book is maddening and nuts and hysterical, all at the same time. (Also, the movies is pretty great too... my 3rd fave film of 2017)

My 2nd Favorite Book of 2017
"David & Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants" by Malcolm Gladwell.  This guy is a great writer, and he does something that many books likes this fail to do -- challenge me and my opinions without belittling those very opinions I hold.  This is the story of the underdog, and how decisions made by "the little guy" can affect how the stack up against "the big guy". There is a story of the student who makes the decision to go to an Ivy League school instead of a lesser, but still great, school -- and the consequences it causes. There's a great look at the "three strikes law" in California and why it might be a bad idea, and a great take on the Biblical story of David & Goliath -- and why David actually matched up to the giant better than most people thing. Loved it.

There's just so much about this book that
is awesome -- but its got some language
and a non-PC culture throughout. 

And finally, My Favorite Book of 2017  
"Friday Night Lights: A Town, A Team, and a Dream" by Buzz Bissenger. This is the book that begat the movie that begat the TV show, all of which are classics now. Texas considers Friday night football not just a rite of passage, but darn near a religion, much like it is throughout the South.  Bissinger moved into Odessa, Texas, and spent a year there among the people, including the staff, coaches and football players of Permian High School, home of the Permian Panthers. The book chronicles the lives of a handful of players, from the tragic injury to Boobie Miles (until then, a near sure thing for college and NFL) to the good but not great QB Mike Winchell to the player who seeks to become a pastor, Ivory Christian to the embattled coach, Gary Gaines. It takes place in the 1988 season, which is just recent enough to make Odessa a modern town but still not recent enough to shed the racism and poverty which pervades the town. This is an amazing book, beautifully, if not toe-steppingly written, and it unfolds game by game, as the Panthers seek a return to the title game, living a "championship or bust" mentality the entire year.  Loved this book.

So there's my Top Ten of last year.  I've got a goal of 50 books this year, and I'm already way behind, as Stephen & Owen King's "Sleeping Beauties" was a 28 hour listen, and I'm in the midst of another 28 hour listen, "Live from New York", the oral history of Saturday Night Live by James A Miller and Tom Shales.

But I can recommend to you "One of Us is Lying" by Karen McManus -- a smart, funny, and clever whodunit with a Breakfast Club setting.

Now... back to the books.

the first scary movie

Out of the 2800+ movies I’ve seen in my life time, I can tell you the last 200 movies I’ve seen—I started last year, keeping track of each movie seen, typing them into my little note app… I saw 109 in 2013 (starting with Les Miserables on 1/1/13, and ending with RIPD on 12/31), and I’m up to 95 now for 2014 (starting with American Hustle on 1/2/14) and I just saw Hotel Transylvania on 10/27.

But what are the first movies I’ve seen? The first movie ever?

There are three movies that are interchangeable in my memory as my first movie I remember seeing. If I close my eyes, I can visualize snippets of each of the films--all very different movies, about as different as you can possibly imagine.
I cannot say one of these films is the absolute first film I ever watched, because who knows what I saw when I was under the age of movie accountability…
It could have been “The Muppet Movie”. My mom/grandparent’s good friend Cathy took me to the movies to see this great movie, and I remember Kermit on the log singing “Rainbow Connection”, and that scene where Animal takes the growth pills and busts through the ceiling of the old country store.

Or maybe, it was “The Shining”. Yes, that Shining, the one with the evil hotel, and Jack Nicholson, I saw that at the drive-in theater with someone, though I don’t know who. I’m pretty positive it was a family member.

Finally, it might have been “Any Which Way You Can”… wait, was that the first one? Or the second one? The other is “Every Which Way But Loose”… they both have Clint Eastwood as the oddly named Philo Beddoe, with Geoffrey Lewis as his friend Orville, and Ruth Gordon as Ma and Sondra Locke as Lynn Halsey-Taylor.

Random thought, sometimes when I take a drink from a water fountain, I see the name “Halsey Taylor” on it, which must be a water fountain manufacturer of some sort... when I see that name, I think of Sondra Locke and these movies. I might be the only person in the entire world’s population of 6 and ½ billion people to think of Sondra Locke that often, but there it is.

Anyway, I remember a big fight—Philo fought for money--and remember Philo, Orville, Lynn and Clyde, the orangutan, in a pick up truck, when they get pulled over by an officer on their way out of town, the officer tells them that he lost a lot of money betting on the other guy… Philo says, “Right turn, Clyde”, and you see this monkey arm out of the truck window throw a punch, nailing the officer in the face and knocking him out. The credits roll as the truck drives away on the desert highway. There’s this cool song that plays over the credits called “The Good Guys & the Bad Guys”, which, according to Wikipedia, was done by John Durrill… and thanks to the magic of iTunes, I just downloaded it like, right NOW, and am listening to this song for the first time in about… 20 years, at least. Maybe 25. My life rules.

I just checked on the timeline—it’s the second one. Oh, one more thing about “Any Which Way You Can”… well, a few more things, because this is my blog and I wanted to talk about this… first, the guy that Philo fights, Jack Wilson, is played a guy named William Smith, a bigtime character actor of the 60s, 70s and 80s. That cat has been in over 300 productions from TV and movies… “Any Which Way But Loose” is the first one, in 1978, and had the late, great Eddie Rabbitt singing the title track… Glen Campbell sings “Any Which Way You Can”, the main song from the 1980 sequel.

I had a completely different point for this post, before I got sidetracked by bad Eastwood films from the late 70s and early 80s…

My question is… what’s the first movie that scared you? I have an answer for myself, and it’s one word: “Poltergeist”. This wasn’t the first film I’d ever seen, as mentioned above, but it was probably in that top 20 or 50 movies I’d ever seen, ever. As a kid, I also remember snippets of “Time Bandits” and “ET” and watching “The Empire Strikes Back” (and later, “Return of the Jedi”) in the theater… but “Poltergeist”, I remember vividly.

I was 7, and the year was 1983. I lived with my Granny and Grandpa (who I called Mom and Dad growing up, as they raised me) in an apartment in Austin, Texas—they ran the joint, the Villa Rio Apartments… 4551 Airport Boulevard, Apartment 301, Austin Texas 78751… but for summers, my grandmother and I would usually go visit one of my aunts either in Florida, or like this summer, Hampton, Virginia, to see my Aunt Betty, my cousins Shannon, Frankie Jr and my cousin Marty, who I kind of idolized, cause she was older, really pretty, really smart and could do no wrong in my book. She’s still pretty awesome, 32 years later.

Anyway, don’t ask me how it came up, but somehow the film was on television. Perhaps it was a beta tape, perhaps it was one of those new fangled “VEE CEE ARE” things, but either way, the family was watching “Poltergeist” on tv… and it scared the living crap outta me.

The movie centers around the Freeling family, with dad Steven (Coach) and mom Diane (an 80s crush worthy JoBeth Williams), and their three kids, oldest daughter Dana (the late Dominique Dunne), middle child Robbie (Oliver Robins, who went on to do Airplane II: The Sequel) and the most famous of all, Heather O’Rourke as Carol Anne.

One night during a storm, the kids crawl into bed with Steven and Diane. This is back when there was little to no cable TV, and most stations when off at midnight, signing out with the national anthem, then going to a snow filled screen until early the next morning when they resumed broadcasting. Carol Anne is awakened, she crawls out of bed, seemingly being called to the TV… she gets up close to the screen, placing her hands on the front. She then watches some sort of white entity, a spirit come out of the television and then shoot into the wall of the bedroom. Carol Anne says, “They’re here…”

And this is where it starts. Crazy things start happening, as little as chairs sliding across the floor and glasses breaking on their own to a tree reaching into the window and trying to eat Robbie while he sleeps.

Let me say that again… during a storm, a tree uses its branches like arms, reaches into the bedroom window like you would reach onto the dashboard of a car from the outside, and grabs Robbie, trying to swallow and eat him. And while this is happening, Carol Anne is then sucked into the walls of the house.

What.

Later, as they call in experts to find Carol Anne from whatever ghostly dimension she’s in, a Beast like creature shows its face, we hear the phrase “Go towards the light Carol Anne!” uttered for the first time, and after a guy sees a rotting steak move across the counter on its own power, he then rips his face off. Like what what.

This movie terrified me to no end… I’m watching it, mesmerized, and yet, now realizing that my house too is probably built onto an Indian Burial ground, just like the Freeling house. Like, I too will be be sucked into the wall…

Or worse yet…

...The house has been determined spirit free by the scientists who came… and of course, instead of hightailing it out of there with the family, they decided to spend one more night in the home. Big mistake.

Robbie is in his bed, trying to sleep. There is this clown puppet that he has in his room, again, I’m not sure why, and it’s resting in a rocking chair. Robbie looks at it, stares at it, then tries to throw his jacket over it to cover the clown face. The jacket slips off. Robbie hides under the blanket, then dares to look once more and…

…and the clown isn’t there. Okay, for me, at this point, I wouldn’t even be in that house, I’d be sleeping on a park bench if needed, but were I stuck in that room somehow, I would not do what Robbie does… no, I’m taking a leap off of that bed to the door, and hightailing it downstairs as fast as I could go.
But no, Robbie takes a different approach. He slowly looks over the side of the bed… sees only floor. And then he does what we would all do (and by “all do”, I mean “no one would do”)… he slowly peers down until he sees under the bed.  Nothing.  But as he gets up, the clown is right behind him, wrapping those skinny arms around Robbie's neck and then dragging him under the bed. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Warning:  this clip contains scary clown things, and JoBeth Williams in her underthings being thrown around the room.  You may see "underthings", but trust me, ain't nothing sexy about this scene.  It's terrifying. 

Then, we see Robbie fighting off the clown... Diane outside yelling for help, falling into the swimming pool that they are installing, skeletons popping out of the water, then graves and coffins coming through the ground as the house collapses in on itself.  I mean, what's not to love when you are 7 and already afraid of the dark?

When I saw this film, it scared me for years, and I mean "years".  I wouldn't hang an arm, a hand, a leg or a foot off the side of  the bed at night, and wouldn't dare to ever look under the bed.  Ever.  Ever.  You die like that.  I was about 14 or 15 before this started being a little easier.  And my closet door also stays open, to this day.  I want to see the monster in the closet as it comes out to eat me.  I still think about this film from time to time.  I've seen it in recent years, and can see how it's a bit dated--some of the effects are a little off, and you can even see the way the clown arm wraps around Robbie's shoulder looks very fake... terrifying, but fake.  It's a great film.

Interesting story... at the time, it was cheaper to buy real skeletons and use them then have plastic skeletons manufactured, so that's what you see--real bones.  Also, JoBeth Williams wasn't bothered by the human skeletons, she was more concerned about the wiring around the movie set, and her being electrocuted due to the muddy water she was required to be in.  Producer Steven Spielberg got in the water with her, just off camera, telling her that it was safe, but if she died, then he would too.  Whatta guy.

Also, it's widely been rumored that director Tobe Hooper, who's credits included the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, didn't actually direct this film, but that it was Steven Spielberg who called the shots.  Both Spielberg and Hooper have vehemently denied this claim, with Tobe Hooper getting defensive many time about it... however, Zelda Rubenstein, the short little old lady named Tangina who plays a pivotal role in getting Carol Anne back from the spirits, has been very vocal when asked, saying that Spielberg was the only director she saw for the six days she filmed, and that "Tobe was only partly there"... this echoes the sentiment held by several other cast members.

And, finally, the movie is known for the "Curse of Poltergeist", due to the fact two of the cast members died at a very young age... Dominique Dunne, who played eldest daughter Dana, died six months after the film was released in June of '82 at the hands of her abusive boyfriend.  Dunne was 22.  And Heather O'Rourke, the Carol Anne character, died at the age of 12 in 1988 from complications due to surgery.   Also, two other actors featured in the sequels to the movie died unexpectedly.  The Curse is attributed to the fact they did use the real skeletons in the film.  And you can choose to believe it or not...

As for the sequels, stay away.  Both "Poltergeist II: The Other Side" and "Poltergeist III" are terrible films.  Just run. 

So there ya go.  What started out as a wandering journey through two of Clint Eastwood's arguably worst best worst craptastic films has ended up in the scariest movie I've ever seen.

Poltergeist is the essential scary movie, perhaps a perfect ghost story.  It's not gory, it's not violent, it just preys upon everyones fear of the dark, of what's under the bed, and the unseen.  It takes a simple snowy screen that we all have seen before and makes it sinister and turns a two word phrase spoken by a six year old little blonde girl--They're here--and makes it one of the most frightening things you can imagine.  If you haven't seen this film, you owe it to yourself to do so.

And the music on the ending credits... so creepy.  And the clown.  Yeesh, that clown.  I hate clowns. 

nick cannon and marriage

It's late on Thursday, and The Lovely Steph Leann is working hard, packing her suitcase chilling on the couch while we watch a movie, as she is set to travel to San Diego early tomorrow morning.

What's the movie, you ask? I'm about to type a sentence that I've never typed before... we are watching a movie starring Nick Cannon. It's called "Underclassmen", and it's so unknown, I can't find the Wikipedia page for it. It's got a 3.9 on IMDb, and it earns that distinction. 

We are chuckling at some parts, like you would at a frat dude in the mall slipping in water and falling on his rump. It's a terrible film... and still, it's got a few lines here and there. Apparently, there is a dead student at an uppity private school, and rookie cop Tre--played to the hilt by the former Mr. Mariah Carey--gets the assignment to play a high school student to try and find out if the suicide was really a suicide and so on and so on...

I told The Lovely Steph Leann, "Here's how this will go... he'll meet a student, she'll feel betrayed when she finds out he's not a student for real, and yet, she'll come back around when he rescues her from the danger she'll be in later."

The Lovely Steph Leann corrected me... "She can't go for a student... she'll be a teacher's assistant or something." And when Nick Cannon walked into Spanish class, she says, "And there she is."

And yes, you just read a post from me about a Nick Cannon movie.

This is marriage. Making the most mundane things fun to share together. 

late night rocky

So it's midnight on Friday night, and I'm watching Rocky III. 


I've written about the Rocky series before, notably the fact that Rocky IV is not a good film (though highly entertaining) and then I had the brilliant idea to put a spiritual spin on the whole thing. But Rocky III?

The Lovely Steph Leann was out tonight at a scrapbooking crop at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), so after I finished getting Campbell to bed, some household chores and then catching the last half of "Django Unchained" on EPIX2, she finally came in. She went to get ready for bed, Django finished his killing cycle, and I flipped channels only to find nothing on... well, there's Rocky III.

She sat on the couch, and then we had this exchange:

Me: You know, Rocky I thru IV are really hard to rank because...
The Lovely Steph Leann: ...because they aren't very good
Me: What? Rocky I is good.
The Lovely Steph Leann: I know. I've seen it. 

I had to explain... and when I had to explain, I was really talking out loud, because though The Lovely Steph Leann loves me and loves talking to me, hearing a monologue on the Rocky films probably tested her tired patience.

Nonetheless, I had to explain... the Rocky films are difficult to quantify...because the original Rocky is a really good movie. It's got a great story, great performances and the ending is heartwarming... but it's just so slow. Rocky II is the extension of Rocky I, so while it's also slow, it's not as slow, but the story also suffers because it's really a retread of Rocky I... with the same ending, except a slight difference in the winner of the match.

Rocky IV is probably the most entertaining, but really... the story is so ludicrous that it's hard to even fathom how it could happen. 

We could talk about Rocky V, but it doesn't exist. It's on the mythical shelf with Caddyshack 2, the Ring 2 and every Police Academy after part 4... movies that you have only heard about, but aren't actually there.

Granted, "Rocky Balboa", or Rocky VI was actually a pretty decent story and a good wrap up to the entire Rocky saga... but it was more pleasant than anything.

That leaves Rocky III. Perhaps the greatest of all Rocky movies. You have a fantastic villain, Clubber Lang (played with vicious glee by a hugely popular in 1983 Mr. T)... you have the emotion odds, as our hero Rocky admits his fear... you have the overcoming odds, as Rocky has to learn a new way of doing things by going to his former enemy... you have the most annoying character actually bearable for one film, that being Adrian (Talia Shire, who wasn't good in any of these)... and heartbreak, as Mick takes a tumble to the great ring in the sky.

What's not to love. Plus, in watching it back tonight, the ending match is just great. And somewhat believable. If you can believe that.

That's my thoughts on Rocky III. Strangely enough, The Lovely Steph Leann already went to bed.

By the way, when I caught "Django Unchained", it was the scene where Schultz and Django are on the hill, about to take out the criminal who is farming, and Django is having trouble shooting him as the guy is with his own son.  

In the time it took to finish this movie, finish Rocky III, chat with The Lovely Steph Leann, catch the beginning of "Django Unchained" on EPIX3 as it came on, it's now back at that same scene. This is my cue. 

What's my prediction for the next few hours? Sleep.

love shoulda brought you home last night

"Love shoulda brought you home, you home last night, shoulda been with me, shoulda been by my side... oh baby, if you care anything for me, then love should brought you home last night"
There is a movie somewhere in the middle of my 500 favorite films of all time, one that you probably have heard of, but might have never seen. Or perhaps you've never heard of it, at all... in any case, its not a great film.

Well, its not even a good film, if I'm being honest... but its entertaining. And its got something that I really put a lot of stock into--"re-watchability". There are brilliant films out there, like "Saving Private Ryan" or "The Gangs of New York" or even just great movies like "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly" or more recently, "Super 8", that I'd put on any great film list... but they aren't movies I'd sit and watch over and over. 

"Boomerang", however, is one I could watch over and over. It's somewhat of a forgettable movie from 1992, with Eddie Murphy , Robin Givens (back when she was relevant, as the new ex-Mike Tyson), a much younger Halle Berry, David Alan Grier, early Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock in one of his first films…

Eddie is Marcus, who is a straight up playa.. not just a player, but for you extremely white, not down with the hip hop speak folks, a playa, who leaves a long line of women behind him who’s he has gone out with and has departed less than acrimoniously. Working at an ad agency, he gets a new boss named Jacqueline (Robin Givens), who herself is a playa… a playette? Is that what you call it? Mandie Tuck, do you know the answer?

Anyway… Marcus falls for Jacqueline, and then is played… the song on the excellent soundtrack that plays during the scene when he realizes he’s been hustled is “Total Reversal of a Dog”, which fits nicely here. He laments his woes to his friend Angela (Halle Berry), who turns around and falls for him. And predictably, Marcus falls for Angela.

Jacqueline sees Marcus now ignoring her for the very plain-jane Angela… and being female and naturally competitive when it comes to men, is furious, and aims to get him back. 

And here’s where the point of this whole thing comes in… Jacqueline seduces Marcus one more time, presumably just to ruin his and Angela’s relationship… and it almost works.

Angela finds out about it… Marcus comes in, and she demands the truth, and he admits he messed up big time, and then follows it up with, “Angela, I love you…”

Angela responds with this: What do you know about love? What do you possibly think you know about love? You know, I’m sick and tired of men using love like it’s some kind of disease you can catch…

And here’s the money line: 

"Love shoulda brought your (posterior) home last night”
We use “love” for everything. You love Alabama football. Your college daughter her sorority. The Lovely Steph Leann loves “Sense & Sensibility”. I love the Toni Braxton song that comes with this scene, “Love Shoulda Brought You Home Last Night”… we love everything, from beach weekends to cheesecake to Ryan Gosling movies to a pickup truck we’ve been wanting to own.

And that’s okay. It’s the way we are wired, to express our great feeling, our great affection for something, we use “Love” over “like”, because it puts forth a sentiment that this particular thing is not just something we casually enjoy, but we really, really, reeeeeeallly enjoy partaking of.

Then there is that next level of love, that even though the word is the same, the meaning is deeper, more meaningful. Joey Thornell will tell you he loves Alabama football… but you’ll never make me believe that “I love Alabama football” and “I love my boys” has the same meaning, ever. Same word, big difference.

Love… shoulda brought us home last night.

Watching the movie, you believe that Marcus has fallen for Angela, so its wildly irritating when he nearly throws it all away because he gave in to Jacqueline’s Jezebelocity. Is that a word? It is now.

When we say “we love God”, what do we mean? What version of love do we use? I know what we WANT to use… I know the way we WANT to mean it… but how do we really mean it? Do we profess love for Christ in the same meaning we profess the way we love a TV Show or a song or afternoon naps… or do we truly mean a deep love for Christ in the same way we love our spouses, our children, our families, our most cherished possessions?

Because Love… true love… shoulda brought us home last night. 

True agape love, the deep kind of love and affection that we should have for our Christ is the kind of love that prevents us from going out into the world only to come home to Jesus the next day and say, “Yeah, I know I did all that, but I love you, God.” Following Christ should keep us from wanting to venture into Monday thru Saturday and being our own selves, then coming home to Christ on Sunday to say, “I love you, Jesus!”

Don’t get me wrong… I know there is grace. There is mercy. Because of a cross on a hill, there is forgiveness—grace abounds, I’m the chief abuser… but that’s where many people stop—“I screwed up, but I am forgiven so it’s all good. Hey, World, what’s going on witcha?” 

See, we can’t stop there… because of the Holy Spirit, there is also a need for repentance, a pursuit of a love for God that surpasses the love for our own children, our own selves… not a love that is slightly ahead of the latest Justin Timberlake album (which by the way is just okay… if you are getting a JT album , start with “Justified”, as it’s got my favorite Timberlake song on it, “Rock Your Body”, which I love because… wait… crap, I hate it when I prove my own point on myself… you know what, let’s move on.) 

Because Love… shoulda brought us home last night.  

With the power of the Holy Spirit, with the love of Christ—and let’s face it, it’s a love that we cannot replicate, because it is too deep, too wide, too infinite and monumental for our limited understand—we can resist those things that test that love, we can have freedom from the world who will cause our actions to be anything less than continual displays of love for our God. 

And in this, we won’t hear Jesus quietly saying to us, “Love shoulda brought you home last night”… instead, we’ll hear the sweet sound of Jesus’ approval, saying “It is in My love that you have remained here.” And that’s a love that we should all desire so deeply and passionately, it knows no end.

By the way… when using spell check, “Jezebelocity” was suggested to be “Jezebel City”. I find that entire possibility both hilarious and fascinating. Love does not take you to Jezebel City, I can assure you. Nor Paradise City. Maybe Panama City, but probably not during MTV’s Spring Break party at Club La Vela. Not that I would know about that. Stephanie told me. 

the 2014 oscars running diary

Okay... so first things first. BLOGGER SUCKS. I'm working on a way to switch to WordPress, but that isn't going to do me any good right now...

And that means that the formatting here will be all kinds of jacked up, to' up from the flo' up. Lots of random spacing, so please just be patient. I'll fix it as I can.

And as usual, I'm putting the latest update on the bottom.

So, without further Ado.... The Academy Awards, 2014...

730... Its America's Favorite Lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres! 

732p... The Lovely Steph Leann laughed heartily at Ellen's old joke about June Squibb... I'm waiting to laugh. I'm hoping it comes soon.

733p... Calling out a Liza Minnelli impersonator... it was the real Liza. Now THAT is funny.

735p... Amy Adams sighting. Sigh. Heart beating fast.

735p... Oh hush. When Colin Firth comes on screen, The Lovely Steph restraints herself from licking the screen.

736p... Even with a Beiber haircut, Jennifer Lawrence looks good...

737p... Half the women I know wishes their hair could be as silky smooth as Jared Leto

739p... Ellen's monologue. Amusing, but safe. 

740p... Anne Hathaway out to do the Best Supporting Actor Award!  I wonder if she's thinking, "I'm being judged on my horrible Oscar hosting duties with Jimmy Franco, after everyone just saw Ellen kill it..."  I picked Jared Leto as the winner here, though how much would I love to see Bradley Cooper get this. 

742p... When a cross dressing dude sings "I'm pretty" while putting on makeup, I immediately think of Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs

742p... Jared Leto, Oscar Winner, Supporting Actor. I'm 1-0 for the night.

745p... Is it just me, or are they giving Jared Leto like, forever to speak? Is it because he's discussing transgender AIDS?

746p... Ellen just did a selfie live on stage. I went to follow her on Twitter, and it shut down on me...

747p... Jim Carrey, who has never been nominated (he deserved it for The Truman Show) says, "It must be tiring to be a nominee..." Hilarious.   Honestly, I'm not sure if he'll ever win an Oscar, unless he has a once-in-a-lifetime performance... like, Matthew McConaughey...

He introduces animated Heroes, with "Heroes" being the theme tonight... Mr Incredible was first, as he should be.

750p... I just saw Dax Shepard. How did Dax Shepard get into the Oscar seating? As a seat filler?  (later I remembered that he's married to Kristen Bell... so that's how he gets there...)

750p... Pharrell is up to perform "Happy" from Despicable Me 2, a song nominated for Best Song.

751p.... The Lovely Steph Leann: What kind of hat is THAT? 

754p... I think Meryl shimmied better than Amy Adams, but I'm in love with the latter, so she wins anyway.

755p... This tweet from @RickyBrigante: So how long before there's a Pixar Theory that Pharrell is Andy's dad and gave him the hat?

757p... From the "Everyone predicted this pair" department, its Samuel L Jackson and Naomi Watts! 

Why Ellen didn't introduce him as Laurence Fishburne, I'll never know.  Unless he was too ticked off about it still... maybe she should have just said, "Its the BMF"

The award is Costume Design... I picked American Hustle. The Oscar goes to? The Great Gatsby. I'm 1-1 so far.

8p... Now, Makeup and Hairstyling... I picked Dallas Buyers Club... The Oscar goes to? Dallas Buyers Club. At 2-1, I felt like that was a lock.

802p... That British narrator saying "Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa" somehow gives it 0.02% more legitimacy...

802p... Harrison Ford, Hollywood's real life version of Grumpy Cat, is out to introduce American Hustle, Dallas Buyers Club and The Wolf of Wall Street as the first three of nine Best Picture nominees.

805p... That sound you hear is all the women in the country swooning. Channing Tatum just took the stage.

807p... Judy Greer in an OJ commercial? What? What the what? I freakin' love Judy Greer... one of my favorite actresses... how did she end up in an OJ commercial?

810p... Ellen is getting funnier as this night goes on...

811p.... Kim Novak, for the 30 and up group, is in the "she's still alive?" category... fpr the younger set, its a "Who is Kim Novak and why does she look all freaky weird?" category.

812... Kim is out with Matthew McConaughey to announce Best Animated Short... which didn't go to Get a Horse, the Mickey Mouse short that I naturally picked. It went to Mr Hublot, whatever that is. I'm 2-2 for the night.
814p... I'm mildly amused at the French guy's hands shaking while giving his speech... thats how you know he's legit and actually honored and surprised.

814p... Best Animated Feature Film! It goes to Frozen... Kim Novak tried to make it suspenseful, but I think we all knew this. At 3-2, its time to go on a run!!

816p... Ellen makes more jokes, and brings out Sally Field, who is out to intro a montage of "everyday heroes"

819p... In this montage, I've already seen like, 7 movies in my #Dave100, and another 4 or 5 in my #TheDave500...

820p... JoGo Levitt and Emma Watson! Hermione is an Oscar Presenter! Out to give Best Visual Effects, of which I picked Gravity, of which it wins! 4-2... I picked Gravity to take many of these technical awards

823p... Every girl that was 14 five years ago is now swooning with Zac Efron on stage... he's introducing, and stumbling all over his words, the theme from "Her".  Talk about "That Awkward Moment"...

828p... I just saw The Muppets in one commercial, followed by Tina Fey in another. I'm so blessed to be me.

830p... Ellen sits with a guitar, coming back from break, then introduce Jason Sudeikis and Kate Hudson... that looks like a bit that got cancelled at the last minute

830p... Live Action Short Film. I picked "Helium". And the Oscar goes to "Helium"!!! 5-2... I'm rolling now, baby.

832p... The winner just thanked "My fella nomineeth..."

833p... Best Documentary, short subject... I went with Prison Terminal... and the Oscar goes to... The Lady in #6. Boo. Back to 5-3.

835p... John Stamos sighting!

835p... Ellen back in the audience. Walking around, talking to various celebrities. Ellen offers to order pizza, and all the celebs raise their hand for some. Then she intros Bradley Cooper...

836p... I remember when Bradley Cooper was that guy from Wet Hot American Summer... he's out to introduce Documentary Feature. The Oscar goes to 20 Feet from Stardom, and I picked it just right... 6-3 for the night.

839p... Darlene Love, from 20 Feet from Stardom just threw down on The Sparrow... a gospel tune... Bill Murray was the first up for a Standing O... Boom. 

840p... Kevin Spacey out now for a previous ceremony jibber jabber.

842p... Why aren't we watching an entire Steve Martin tribute? Instead of just this clip show of tributes to him and Angela Lansbury and others...

847p... The Lovely Steph Leann is mad with me that I won't pause the show for her to give little Campbell Isaiah a bath. The Oscars wait for no one!

848p... Viola Davis and Ewan McGregor out for Best Film Ain't From 'Merica... I chose Italy's "The Great Beauty"... the clip looks like a winner to me. 

849p... And the Oscar goes to? "The Great Beauty", like I... uh, I uh... knew it would. Either way, 7-3 so far!

851p... Tyler Perry comes out to introduce another Best Picture nominee, "Nebraska", then "Her" and finally "Gravity".

853p... Shouldn't Tyler Perry come out as Madea and introduce Dallas Buyers Club?

854p... Ellen comes out in her best BeeGees outfit, and introduces Brad Pitt, who introduces U2, singing a song from a Mandela movie...

...sidebar... I might be the only one in the world to say this... but I don't think Mandela was that great of a dude... he favored socialism, he disliked America and he wasn't that nice of a guy. Just sayin'. Back to the Oscars...

858p.... @hlpatterson just tweeted:       

I haven't seen the movie Gravity but I saw Space Camp in 1986, so I get the main idea

HAHAHAHHAHHAHHA

901p... Also... I don't think U2 is as great as they are made out to be..

902p... Ellen back in the audience. She does a selfie with herself and Liza Minnelli, makes a L'pata/Pizza joke, then goes to Meryl to take another selfie, asking for a retweet record on Twitter. She then invites Julia Roberts, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Angelina and others to join in the pic... I'm Retweeting that right now.

904p... Michael B. Jordan and Kristen Bell come out to intro the pre-ceremony Techie awards. They sound like they are actually interested, but we know they aren't.

905p... Ellen brings out Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron... Charlize's dress looks like the devil, but she still looks amazing. Here's the Oscar for Sound Editing and Sound Mixing... I picked Gravity on both...

907p... Charlize pronounces "Smaug" as "Smowg". Makes me laugh. Gravity wins one of the two... I'm at 8-3 now.

910p... Gravity wins again, to put me at 9-3. I don't think I've gotten more than 13 right in like, four years... I'm rollin...

911p... Christoph Waltz, two time Oscar winner, to give out Supporting Actress Award. I picked Jennifer Lawrence to win, though Lupita Nyong'o for 12 Years a Slave is the front runner...

914p... And the Oscar goes to... Lupita. First time nominee, first time winner, and she gets a standing ovation from the crowd and hug from Liza Minnelli. 

918p... That was a great Oscar speech, Lupita. Not kidding.

921p... And the pizza arrives! Ellen brings Pizza Boy into the audience, and starts handing out slices... Brad Pitt starts handing out paper plates, and Ellen says, "Kerry Washington is pregnant! She needs some food!"  (we find out later that this pizza guy was real, the shop is real, and he got paid for delivering pizza...)

923p... The President of the Academy comes out to talk about whatever it is they talk about, as I don't really listen. Except they are building a spaceship as a movie museum.

926p... AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS

926p... Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) is with Bill Murray for Cinematography... I picked Gravity. Bill gives a huge nod to Harold Ramis too...

927p... And the Oscar goes to... Gravity. I'm at 10-4!

929p... Gabourey Sidibe and Anna Kendrick (swoon) are out for Film Editing... I chose American Hustle on this one... and Gravity gets this one too... dang it. 10-5. I think this is where the wheels come off.

932p... Whoopi, Oscar winner for #TheDave500 film "Ghost", is out to discuss "The Wizard of Oz"... so that's why Liza has been so prevalent...

933p... The Lovely Steph Leann: Whoopi... oh, she looks terrible.

934p... P!nk out to sing a salute to The Wizard of Oz... what.

942p... Ellen comes out dressed as Glinda the Good Witch... hahaha... and now she brings out Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch

943p... Jenny and Benny are here to present Production Design... I picked American Hustle. And the winner is The Great Gatsby. I fall to 10-6...

946p... Chris Evans is out here to tell us more Hero tales... Harry Potter... The Searchers... Men in Black... Lord of the Rings.. Star Trek... Jaws.... love this.

953p... "Multiple Oscar Nominee" (re: can't win it) Glenn Close comes out, to give us the In Memoriam

957p... In Memoriam was rough this year... Harold Ramis... Philip Seymour Hoffman... Sid Caesar... Paul Walker... Hal Needham... man.

10p... Bette Midler singing "Wind Beneath My Wings". Why didn't they just let her sing this while showing the pics? 

1001p... Are Bette Midler's eyes dilated? Is that why she can't open them?

1004p... Ellen, all in black now, back in bragging about crashing Twitter, in the BEST SELFIE EVER. That was a fantastic segment...

1004p... Goldie Hawn is out now to present the final three Best Pic noms... "Philomena", "12 Years a Slave" and "Captain Phillips".

1005p... I was just about to say "Goldie looks nice", when The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She looks really horrible..."

1008p... Two time Oscar nom John Travolta is out now to present the song "Let It Go", sung by Idina Menzel. Who did John Travolta just say?  Adele Dazim???

1012p... Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel out now, ready to give out the music awards... apparently the teleprompter is giving a little trouble to the presenters. Jamie being funny by scatting Chariots of Fire. Best Score award, I picked Gravity... the Oscar goes to Gravity... finally, get another win for myself tonight, now at 11-6...

1016p... If Let It Go doesn't win this, it will be a huge upset... not to many times has U2 winning been an upset... The Oscar goes to "Let It Go" from Frozen. As it should. 12-6.

1019p... By the way, Idina Menzel and Three Six Mafia have Best Song Oscars. U2 has zero. Just a note.

1023p... Ellen has Pharrell's hat and is asking for donations for the pizza guy... El Oh El.

1023p... Robert DeNiro and Penelope Cruz come out together to give Oscars for writing... Best Adapted Screenplay... I actually picked Wolf of Wall Street. I'm a dolt.

1024p... And the Oscar goes to... 12 Years a Slave. 12-7. 

1026p... For Original Screenplay... I picked Her. It should win, anyway... the winner is HER!!! Finally, hit 13 wins, 7 losses so far...

1028p... Its the only one HER will win... but I'll take it. Spike Jonze deserves this one for a wonderful, original film. 

1031p... By the way Adele Dazim already has a twitter account. Just saying.

1032p... Angelina Jolie and a true icon, Sidney Poitier out to present. He's the man. And deserved the standing ovation he just got.

1032p... The Oscar for Best Director is here... I went with Alfonso Cuaron, which is the probative favorite. The Oscar goes to... Cuaron for Gravity. 14-7, I am guaranteed to finish over .500, which is nice.

1036p... My wife just informs me that she has met Sidney Poitier and has his autograph. What? 

1038p... Ellen trying to wrap up comically... by the time the show is over, they'll have to do the In Memoriam over to show June Squibb and Bruce Dern.

1041p... Ellen in the audience talking to Matthew McConaughey about weight loss... and then, Daniel Day-Lewis.

1041p... Best Actress nominees... of course, I want Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, to win. However, I think Cate Blanchett will get it, so I picked her. 

1044p... And the Oscar goes to... Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine. In her speech she gives mad props to everyone, especially Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with.

1046p... Cate can go from hideous to gorgeous from movie to movie. That's quite a feat.

1048p... Ellen brings out Jennifer Lawrence to give Best Actor... though I picked Chiwetel Ejiofor to win... looks like Dave Wooderson will get the Oscar

1051p... And the Oscar goes to... Matthew McConaughey. Did I just write that?

1055p... Ellen now ends the show with introducing Will Smith, who will presumably give out Best Picture

1056p... And 12 Years a Slave wins the Oscar for Best Picture.

1058p... So, I wrap up at 16-8 for the year. Sigh. Better year, but one away from winning my Oscar pool... my record all time was like, 20-4 or something, but I haven't seen that in a long, long time. Boo.

So there you are... Ellen, I want you back as Oscar host. The Selfie stole the show... great show...



This is the greatest selfie in the history of Selfiedom.  The black dude on
the right side is Lupita's little brother, Junior... and Kevin Spacey's face in
the very back is my absolute favorite of all time. 

(4374 words written for #20KWords for March... 15,626 to go)


you can't be safe on a skateboard

I don’t do skateboards. I never have, so to write about the safety, or lack thereof, of a skateboard might make me a little hypocritical. So perhaps I should concentrate on the “safety” and not the skateboard.

Oh, don’t worry, this isn’t going to be some PSA for wearing helmets and elbow guards and such… its just… you can’t be safe on a skateboard. Practically anything else in the world, no matter the danger, you can prepare for it, have safeguards in place to protect yourself from catastrophe… but not a skateboard. 

 One of my personal goals this year is to read 35 books. Now, I also have a goal of 125 movies as well, but I only count movies that I have never seen… if I didn’t, then watching “Cars 2”, “Rio” and “Winnie the Pooh” would undoubtedly put me over the top, mostly because 34 days into the year of our Lord 2014, I’ve already seen all three of those films at least four times each… that’s a legit claim, not an exaggeration. Its probably more, but that’s my guess.

SIDEBAR... Why? Campbell Isaiah freakin’ loves those movies… and when you stick him in our bouncy seat jumper thing, turn on one of those films, it might buy you anywhere from 20 minutes of free time to possibly the length of the movie. If you think you might get an entire movie out of it, don’t do “Winnie the Pooh”—its only 63 minutes. Pop in “Cars 2”, you’ll get a good hour and 48 minutes, plus credits. He loves credits. Something about the movement of the words from bottom to top, it mesmerizes him. 

Where was I?

Yes, with books, I count any and all books read, even with re-reads, as part of my goal… so far, I’ve downed “Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone” (a re-read)… “My Story” by Elizabeth Smart, the chick kidnapped out of her bedroom and held captive for 9 months… “Lone Survivor”, by Marcus Luttrell, the incredible story from which the movie is from… and “Live from New York”, an oral narrative on the history of Saturday Night Live… finally, the book I’m re-reading for the first time since 2009, and the 3rd time overall, is “It” by Stephen King, what I actually consider to be his total masterpiece.

I won’t go into the plotline really, as that’s not my point, but there is a scene where one of the main characters, Bill Denborough, meets a small kid on a skateboard on a random afternoon. They chat for a second, and Bill, a balding man of almost 40, asks to ride the skateboard this kid is holding. The kid doesn’t think it’s a good idea, telling Bill how he-Bill-could get hurt and that… “You can’t be safe on a skateboard.”

This line struck me. I’ve gotten another 2/3rd of the way through the book since that scene, but I keep thinking about that one line. You can’t be safe on a skateboard.

Think about it. Skydiving, which I’ve never done but want to do one day… it’s a dangerous sport made safe, or at least, reasonably safe, with equipment, with parachutes, and if you are on one of many dives in the beginning of your skydiving career, with someone attached to you that’s doing all the work.

NASCAR racing, or even stock car racing in general. Those cars ride hitting 200 miles per hour and more, with a list of deaths on the track, notably Dale Earnhardt in 2000, after going headfirst into a wall at 200 miles per hour… and Alan Kulwicki and Davey Allison, two of my favorite drivers as I was growing up…

But there are tons of safety precautions in the sport… HANS (head and neck support) restraints, roll bars, lots of electronic stuff keeping drivers in touch with their pit crews to watch for accidents and such. 

Pro football is constantly instituting more and more safety rules (many to the detriment of the actual game, but that’s another argument) to keep players from getting debilitating injuries.

But a skateboard? Strap on a helmet. Put on some knee pads, and some pads on your elbows. And then? Ride.

Put that foot on the board, and kick off with the other foot. Stay balanced. Don’t fall.

You can’t be safe on a skateboard.


But you know what you can be? Free.


I imagine skateboarding is riding free. Little restraints. Few things keeping your body from moving in any direction. The only real restriction is your experience.

Life. We can institute every precaution we can in what we do. We can have plans. And then put in back up plans. Then have a few back up plans for our back up plans…

…being vulnerable, this is me. I want to look at every possibility and have a plan for it. I want to know that if A happens, I’m ready. And if B happens, then I’m ready. And if K happens, or P happens, or maybe R happens, then let’s do it, let’s go, I’ve got this. Maybe not the outcome I wanted, but no surprises, right? Ready for anything. And this is a mistake, because I cannot predict every outcome… sometimes I can’t even predict the most logical outcome, the one that makes the most sense, the one that when it happens, I look at it and say, “Yeah, I shoulda thought of that… don’t know why I didn’t think anything else would happen.”

…but to truly do it… to truly go.. to truly move, to get our dreams on the road, to start traveling any road to any success, at some point, we have to be ready to take off the HANs device, undo the beaner holding the tandem skydiver to us, remove the football pads, maybe put on a small bit of protection with a knee pad…

And then ride the skateboard. At some point we have to go ahead, into the unknown, with prayer and hope know that God will bless the efforts and that you can and will be used for His purpose in what your dreams entail.

But its scary. You can’t prepare for everything. You can’t think of everything. You just have to put your foot on the skateboard, then use the other one to kick off.

You can’t be safe on a skateboard.

When it comes to your dreams, your goals, your passions, you should never want to be safe.

Of course, I've ridden Soarin' at Epcot many, many times... I would imagine you can't really be safe on a hang glider as well...

(ps… I am in no way condoning the use of a skateboard, especially if you are of the age when you have no business being on a skateboard… just saying)


(February words: 2,775... 12,225 to go for #15KWordsinFeb...)