big dreams i want to dream

(this is what happens when i freestyle my dream thought process)


i want to dream.

is that okay? to dream?

i want to be someone who dreams. who dreams, then follows those dreams, attack those dreams, make those dreams into something tangible and then sit back and look at my dreams that are now realities.

i want to dream.

sometimes i want to be like anne hathaway channeling her best fantine and sing "i dreamed a dream of days gone by", only without the sadness of the past, and much more positivity in the future. 

i want to dream.

would it be cliché to say "i had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee"? maybe you'd think i was just so vain.

i want to dream.

what happens when i dream?

i see myself doing what i love when i dream. i see a future called walt disney world, a place full of dreams and magic and celebration. i see myself planning that magic for families to take what might be a once in a lifetime trip. i see me helping those families make it magical, make it awesome... make it Magical Awesome.

i want to dream.

you say "but d$, you do this anyway..." and i respond "sure... but not full time." i see a dream of days spent chasing disney full time. not working anywhere but where i am. my location is my office, be it in front of a laptop or out meeting a family to discuss whether the dining plan is right for them, or if they should consider two rooms at pop century or one family suite at art of animation.

i want to dream.

a full time disney travel planner. i give myself two years to make this a reality. to be in a position that we are secure, we are sound, we are ready to make the leap of faith if that is truly where He is leading up. 

i want to dream.

i see two websites. this one, clouds in my coffee, coming on nine years and one thousand posts, continually being updated. the writing better and better, the words richer and deeper, the content funnier, smarter, and somewhere people want to go to read, to be entertained..

to be encouraged. to be encouraged for themselves to dream.

i want to dream.

the other site is a disney site. a multi purpose disney site, that people can visit for news. for updates. for disney travel ideas and for fun. for movies for music. for disney magic. for magic. for awesome. for Magical Awesome.

i want to dream.


i dream that in a few short weeks, this site will be located in a better place, more streamlined, less cluttered.

i dream that in a few short weeks, my disney site's foundation will be laid. perhaps a year away from a full dream site, for now just a start. that's how we finish. we start first. 

i want to dream.

apropos of nothing, i also dream of how good pre-crack whitney houston was. is. it's who I'm listening to as i type, and when she belts out "i have nothing" it warms my cockles.
cockles is a funny word.

i want to dream.

i dreamt of writing a humorous book on autism. do i still dream that? i'm not sure. but what if i found other ways to support campbell and the community we live in? what if we did monologues? what if i wrote a play? what if we acted out? what if we danced? what if we started something from the ground up to give to families who deal with autism? what if?

i dream of being debt free again, including the house this time. what would we do with all of our extra money? bigger house, i'm sure. or a vacation club home. at disney. of course. 

i dream of finally seeing every movie on afi's top 100 films of all time, and i dream of listing my favorite 500 films of all time on this site. 

i dream of being asked to be on podcasts that i know people host, even if only to share my knowledge of film, music and the comings and goings of paul rudd and amy adams, whom i'm in love with.

i dream of being important. of leaving a legacy. 

i dream of knowing how to do something so well, being so good at something, that when that topic is brought up, my name is mentioned as "no one does it as well as d$".

in an email he sent on monday, writer jon acuff dared us to dream big. he dared us to dream of things that would take years to fulfill. that would not be nearly started, much less finished, in a months time. in two months. in six months.

i want to dream.


its late. are my ramblings of dreams a result of being up so late? maybe. maybe not. 

will you help me dream? will you dream with me? what are your own dreams?

i have a facebook site. its called disney on a dollar. its magical. its awesome. its Magical Awesome. will you "like" it? and will you interact?

i dreamed of a "magical movie madness" activity, where you could vote on your favorite disney movies every day in a "bracket", with movies going head to head--you just comment on which one you like better. i started that today. 

do you want to help? visit my facebook page and like. share. vote. that will help me. and you can win stuff too. starting next week, people who vote get entered to win disney swag. so really, you are only helping yourself by being awesome. help me be awesome and be awesome yourself.

so to recap... i dream...

...of planning disney vacations full time
...of moving my current site to a better host
...of creating a disney website as a foundation of something bigger soon
...that you will like my disney facebook page and participate in our movie madness
...that i can make an impact in the autism community

and other stuff.

maybe it will work. maybe it will fail. but its my little dream to start with. to build. to establish. to brand. 

but i want to dream. i dare to dream. i want to harness these dreams and make them real. make them something. maybe they will work, maybe they won't work, but the dreams that are guaranteed to be unfulfilled are those dreams that are never chased at all. 

did i just say that? profound.

let's dream.

And use some capitalization for once. Awesome. 


(5486 words written for #20KWords in March... 14,514 to go...)

things carly simon made me say late at night

Its two minutes shy of 11:30. And this is what is known as writer’s block… well, maybe. Sort of. I mean, I wrote a post on Friday, so its only been a few days… I guess I should write something, working on my 20,000 words for January. I’m getting close… you might say “well, you just wrote about movies and stuff, so that only sort of counts”, but I think it counts completely. They are my thoughts, my words, and I made sure not to count anything that I quoted from my earlier posts.

Its 1131 now. Someone on Facebook made a comment about my blog, telling me “You’re so vain. You probably think this comment is about you.” We bantered about lyrics from the song. Of course, as probably 98.7% of you know, that’s where the title of the blog comes from…

 “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee… clouds in my coffee and… you’re so vain…”

Of course, then I had to play the song. Put the earbuds in, turn on some Carly Simon, and type away.

Type away about what? I have no idea!!

I feel like every time I go to Wikipedia, they are asking for a little change. I always feel like I should contribute, because darn if I don’t use it just about every day, multiple times per day. When I watch a movie, many times I’ll look there and IMDb, just to read facts and such about the film… box office returns, trivia, production information. I’m really a nerd like that.

Yeah, this looks a bit dated, don't it?

“In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning”, from Carly Simon just played and ended. Now its “Nobody Does It Better” from what I’m positive is “The Spy Who Loved Me”, a James Bond film.

Never been a James Bond fan, really. I mean, I liked the Daniel Craig films… “Skyfall” and “Casino Royale” and not really sure what the heck a “Quantum of Solace” is, but I liked it. Pierce Brosnan was not too bad in “Goldeneye”. I’m sure if I saw more of the Sean Connery ones, I’d like them more.

 “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain” is on. I don’t know the album, but its such a great song. A great, “suck it up, Im heartbroken, but I got junk to do, so I’m gonna suck it up and get ‘er done.” Boom.

Boom is a great word. Boomsauce is an even better. I use Boom randomly. I think I’ll incorporate Boomsauce in there too.

So, when I was growing up, I heard about this syndrome called Toxic Shock Syndrome. It was this thing you could get if you were a chick and you improperly used feminine hygiene products. I’ve never heard of anyone ever dying of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and I never hear about it anymore. Is it still a thing?

Milo’s chicken fingers are so good. Milo’s is the burger joint in our area that serves their burgers with this brown gravy sauce on it that I don’t like, so I always get it plain, adding my own condiments, like ketchup and mustard and mayo...

"You Belong To Me” just came on. I know it best from the credits on the late Brittany Murphy’s “Little Black Book” a great little underrated, forgotten comedy with Holly Hunter and Peter from “Office Space”, who’s real name esca… Ron Livingston! Yeah, him. Anyway, it’s a great song.

Yes, its got the same title as the Taylor Swift song, and I probably like that song a little bit better, mostly because I am on the downslide to 40 and am a Taylor Swift fan and I’m #notsorrynotsorry. As a matter of fact, I'm going to listen to “You Belong to Me” right now.

Of course, it would help if I remembered that the Taylor Swift song was actually called “You Belong WITH Me”, not “TO Me”. Not quite as possessive.

She wears short skirts and I wear t-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers… this song makes me happy. When I hear it, especially if I watch the cutie-patootie video, it makes me think of high school, and how 16 year old me was the male Taylor Swift and I was singing to Julie Wise. That didn’t work out, and that’s okay.

Wasn’t I talking about Milo’s?

Yes, their fries are good too. And they just started doing chicken fingers a few months ago could have been a year ago, and I dig them. Dig ‘em a lot.

If I quoted Taylor Swift’s lyrics above, do those words count towards my total? Okay, I’m a purist, so I’ll discount those sixteen words. Does t-shirt count as two words? Its hyphenated, so

Holy crap “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears just came across my iTunes shuffle…. What. This song is so good. I won’t quote it or sing it here because I don’t want to have to count the word total and subtract it from my overall total. Too much work.

That’s the hard part about Milo’s… too much work. If its too go, I have to park, and in my lap, doctor it up with the condiments, and then what do I do with the empty packets of stuff? Toss them in the bag, sure, but like, I’ve got fries in there. Chicken fingers are less messy, but I can’t eat those in the car.

I was eating something in the car not too long ago, and like, I had on a white sweater, and I dripped ketchup out. Thankfully, it landed on a napkin, and I was so pleased that it didn’t land on the right side of my shirt where I thought it did. I didn’t look at the left side until a few minutes later, and yup, there it was. A little red splotch.

Splotch. What a weird word. Makes me think of the character Elmo Blatch in the movie “The Shawshank Redemption”, literally my 2nd favorite film of all time (#TheDave500).

Anyway, this red splotch was on my sweater, and I wiped it up, or blotted it anyway, not realizing some had gotten on my lanyard that I was wearing…

My new job requires us all to wear lanyards now, and my picture is a stark reminder of the fact my face gains weight faster than the rest of my gloriously pudgy frame.

..and when I was wiping up the spot on my sweater, I was moving the lanyard which was spreading more ketchup onto my sweater. It was a nasty business.

“Sunrise” by Simply Red is on. I’m addicted to this song, don’t ask me why. I watched the video of it recently, which was a live performance of Simply Red, though I think its just one guy now, singing it. He looks reeeeeeally old, which isn’t surprising because I remember their stuff like “Holding Back the Years” from the late 80s.

Anyway, towards the end of the song, this chicks sings lines from “I Can’t Go For That (no can do)” by Hall and Oates, which “Sunrise” samples.

Sunrise samples.

Sunrise sampler.

Mmm. Now I want to go to Cracker Barrel, or Waffle House.

Apparently the Grammys were on tonight. And I so didn’t care. Pharrell apparently wore a big hat. It looked like the Arby’s hat. So.

I tried Taco Bell’s Cinnabon Delights the other day. I watched “Undercover Boss” with Cinnabon’s CEO chick, Kat Cole, who I follow on Twitter, not that that matters, just worth mentioning and when I watched it, I suddenly wanted Cinnabon… and Taco Bell was as good as any… they were so delish.

I just said Delish.

"You Give Good Love" by Whitney Houston is on my iPod now. If you don't think I'm sitting here, mouthing the words quietly so as not to wake up the family upstairs, yet doing it with over exaggerated head movements that can only come at 12:05 at night, then you are crazy. You give good love to me, honey, never too much will ever be...

My friend Michelle had a huge problem with this song, mostly because it was so grammatically faulty.

I love Whitney Houston. No kidding. I also love Cinnabon Delights from Taco Bell. And Carly Simon music. And Walt Disney World. And my Deuce buddies. And WWE Royal Rumble, which we watched tonight. I don't love Toxic Shock Syndrome. But I do love Whitney Houston.

And yet, I still said Delish up there.

Geez, its late. Crap it all.

Perhaps tomorrow I won’t have writer’s block.

(17,888 words written for #500Words... 2,112 words left in #20KWordsInJanuary)

idol wanna change nothing!!!

After months and months and months and months and weeks of waiting, this is it.  The 2nd to last episode of this glorious season of American Idol.  And truly, it has been glorious, as this has been one of the best seasons to date... granted, I would have liked it better to see Colton Dixon taking on My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone, but I can deal with Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips, and one of them being the winner this season.

Anyway, lets get this sucker a'going, shall we?

THIS IS

THE AMERICAN

IDOL FINAL

PERFORMANCE

SHOW OF THE

SEASON THIS

YEAR THIS SEASON

Yes, tonight is Wednesday night, and in real time, Idol would be into its hour and fifteen minute mark, probably on its 28th group song and 9th random celebrity performance by someone who ten seasons ago wouldn't be caught dead on this show, but now can't wait to peddle their new projects via the Idol stage...

But, The Lovely Steph Leann and I still have to watch The Performance Show... so let's get that going first... and thankfully, its an hour long, so we can be through it via DVR's magical Fast Forward, in about 45 minutes.

We see an opening video of both J-Sanch and P2 as they worry about their auditions, sharing the same dream and all that... and how they get their Golden Ticket, then off to Hollywood, then surviving Hollywood, then making it to the 11th American Idol Finals.

As the judges make their way down the steps to thunderous applause, The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Oh gosh... what is J-Lo wearing?  That's terrible..."

Here comes the Idols themselves, Phillip Phillips looking like he's late for class, just woke up and is racing to English across campus... while Jessica Sanchez, 16, looks like she's trying to dress older and sexier to get into The

First round is Simon Fuller's pick... good time to make an appearance, Simon Fuller.  And his choice for J-Sanch?  "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston, one of my top three or four favorite Pre-Crack Whitney songs ever... of course, its from "The Bodyguard", my 56th favorite film of all time... man, do I love me some Bodyguard.  And that ending?  Its so cheesy, but so good... Rachel is on the plane, Frank is watching from the tarmac and she is watching him watching her, and she makes the pilot stop the plane, and she races down the steps to Frank and they start madly kissing each other right on the runway and... love it. 

Oh, the song?  Good enough.

The judges will give their take at the end of the round.


For Phillip2, the song he's been assigned is Ben E. King's classic "Stand By Me".  Good movie.  No, seriously.  It came in what, 1986, and I remember watching it on HBO like, two years later. Back then, movies took at least a year or more to get on home video, and a good year or year and a half to premiere on pay cable channels.   Now?   "Safe House", which The Lovely Steph Leann and I watched at the theater in January just came out on DVD/Blu Ray.  And on Starz in Sports, I'm seeing "Moneyball" over and over, the same one we saw in theaters in September 2011. 


Anyway, I loved "Stand By Me".  Back when Wil Wheaton, Corey Feldman and River Phoenix had so much potential and promise... but if in 1988, you told me the most famous of those four, all these years later, would be Jerry O'Connell, I'd tell you you were nuts.  And now?  Not so nuts.

The song?  I didn't dig it.  A little drainy nasally for me. 

J-Lo rambles on about something or another I wasn't listening to, and Randy the Dawg says that J-Sanch won Round 1.  I agree.

Now, we are treated to some junk from Jason Derulo, the dude with the blingy neckbrace.  I tried to care about two seconds before I hit the --> button.

Here's Round Two, with the Idols Choice from This Season

And to liven up the stage, to make sure we know she's hip, current and modern, J-Sanch is singing... Celine Dion's late 90s soft ballad "The Prayer".  Wait... what?

Okay, so, I have a will-be-six-months-old baby in my life right now.  As does The Lovely Steph Leann.  We are exhausted all the freakin' time... we get five to six hours of sleep per night, but its always in two hour blocks.  I say this to point out that "The Prayer" is the wrong song to sing if you want us to fully engage in this performance.. we are both just as likely to fall asleep.  But since I'm doing a recap, I will try and stay awaZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(rustle)

(that snorey cough sort of grunt, then a slight twitch)

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz... what... huh?

Oh, its over.  That song made me tired.

Now, its Phillip2's second song, singing "Movin' Out", from Billy Joel week.  I loved Billy Joel week, and I loved hearing the different renditions of the songs, and here's what I said about this version then:

We come back from Break, and its Phillip Phillips! Tommy Hilfiger tells Phillip2 that he needs some fashion help, and Phillip2 simply says, "Eh, I keep it simple."

The song he'll be doing is "Movin' Out (anthony's song)", another great tune that I know all the words too... my favorite line is "Sergeant O'Leary is walking the beat, at night he becomes the bartender... he works at Mr. Cacchatories' down on Sullivan Street, across from the medical center..." Diddy and Jimmy Iovine tells him to put down the guitar as he sings.

So, Phillip2, wearing grey, is singing the song while holding his guitar. He adds a rockabilly twist to the song, and I'm not sure I love it... I like it, I don't hate it... it was just... weird. A good weird, but weird nonethless.

Kinda feel the same way.  Better than "The Prayer".

Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler, who speaks for the first time 30+ minutes into this episode (!), says he liked it, but gave Round Two to J-Sanch... J-Lo gives it to P2... and Randy the Dawg calls it a dead heat.  I agree with Jennifer Lopez.  Did I say that? 

And finally, Round Three... Songs They'd Release If They Won

Remember, this is the part of Idol that gave us "Flying Without Wings" and "Inside Your Heaven" and of course, "This Is My Now"... so instead of singing the same song, both Idols are given a different song that they'd release...

Jessica Sanchez has "Change Nothing", which I can only assume is some sort of "inspirational, don't change anything about me" kind of song.

J-Sanch:  I don't wanna change nothing!!!!!
Me: Shouldn't that be... "I don't want to change anything?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  (pause)  Well... yeah
J-Sanch:  I don't wanna change nothing!!!!!
The Lovely Steph Leann:  This is a horrible song.  They are always bad, but this is horrible
J-Sanch:  I don't wanna change nothing!!!!!
The Lovely Steph Leann:  If Phillip Phillips has a better song, he can win this.  This song is terrible.
Randy the Dawg:  I didn't love the song...
The Lovely Steph Leann:  ...that's because the song sucked.

And she's right.  It sucked.  J-Lo didn't even like it.  Creepy Uncle Steven didn't like it.  And J-Sanch sells out the producers by saying that she wouldn't have picked that song.

To end the show, here's the song Phillip2 would release... a song called "Home".  Can they never find songs for the Idols to release that have any kind of quick beat to it?  Its always ballads! 

That being said... and in 11 years, this is the first time I've ever said this... I like this song.  I could totally hear this song on SiriusXM's Coffeehouse Channel, or even The Blend.  Plus, Phillip2 has the percussion section of a marching band on stage!

"Home" is the most original "gonna release" song I've ever heard.  That was really good.  Really, really good.   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "That was the most original original song on Idol ever."

Round Three, by far and away, and for the entire night too, goes to Phillip Phillips.  And I think after that, he might just win this.  She was right.

Best to Worst...  "Home" by Phillip2... then, way after that, "I Have Nothing" by J-Sanch... lets be real--nothing else was that good.

the season 11 idol finale

So its 903p... I think another running diary is good for this episode.  In real time, they have already released the name of the Idol winner.  Right now, we have another American Idol winner.  But I'm purposely staying away from Facebook, completely away from any social media and if I get a text from anyone saying "Can't believe [insert J-Sanch or P2's name here] won!!!", I'm going to get in the Kia Soul, drive over and punch them in the jejunum.

THIS IS

THE AMERICAN

IDOL

FINALS!!!!!

As I was typing, the show spends about 90 seconds doing a quick "This night will end differently for the two finalists" video, and it jumps immediately into a group song.  I pause it so I can fast forward as soon as I'm done typing, but The Lovely Steph Leann insists we watch it.

So we see the Idols, dressed all in white, singing some "Runaway Baby" song, while a couple of gay dudes in black do acrobatics all over the stage.  Glad we waited for this.

Finally, she says, "I don't understand this.  Whenever you are ready, we can fast forward through this."  And I quickly do.

908p... Here come the judges, and here comes Seacrusty!  He tells us that a staggering 566 billion votes came through last night, and that was just from Delaware!  Unbelievable.

910p... P2 and J-Sanch come out, and I wonder if they were backstage watching the group song, and saying to each other, "Thank the maker we didn't have to do that crap...

910p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break

911p... Phillp2 is on stage with CCR's John Fogerty, singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain".  Hey audience, raise your hand if you've ever heard of either Creedence Clearwater Revival OR John Fogerty?  Yeah, thats what I thought.

911p... Fast Forward through P2 and Fogerty

912p... Blooper reel!  Including one chick who's singing was so screechy, Campbell just cried out. 

Remember me!?  I'm Season 3's fifth place finisher,
George Huff!!

915p... I'm about to fast forward through Joshua Ledet's version of the Elton John's "Take Me to the Pilot"... but I like this song... I actually discovered it when George Huff did it way back in Season whatever... and I'm digging Joshua's version.  I might actually watch an entire "not competition" Idol performance...

917p... And he brings out Fantasia.  Fast Forward.

917p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

918p... Campbell Fussy Break

920p... Video with Jimmy Iovine and the judges, especially how he confuses the names "Jessica" and "Jennifer" over and over, even saying "Josh-icca"...

922p... Fast Forward through the Ladies Group song, with special guest Chaka Khan

923p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

924p... Fast Forward through final Ford Music Video of the season... I missed them ALL!  I RULE!!!

924p... Phillip2 and J-Sanch are giving away Ford Escapes to two dudes in the audience.  And then Seacrusty gives the Idols each a Ford Fusion.  I think the dudes got the better end of that.

925p... Rihanna!

925p... Fast Forward through Rihanna!

925p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

926p... And now, its Little Skylar Laine, doing her country thing.  And of course, Reba McEntire joins her.  Why wouldn't she?

926p... Fast Forward through Little Skylar Laine and Reba

927p... Video of Creepy Uncle Steven and his "dressing room", adorned with a sign that says "All Who Enter Here Must Surrender the Booty"

928p... I think I just caught hepititus B while watching that.

928p... Campbell Fussy Break

931p... Fast Forward through J-Sanch doing her "I Will Always Love You" from earlier this year

932p... Fast Forward through the Guys Group song

933p... Stop when I see Neil Diamond come out, if only because they are singing "Sweet Caroline", and everyone is required to go "bah bah bah!" during that tune.  Its just part of Americana. 

934p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

935p... A video on Randy the Dawg and his amazing original one-liners... like, Randy the Dawg saying "You could sing the phone book" about nine times in a row, to nine different Idols.  And so, naturally, we see the Idols holding the Yellow Pages, and yes, they are singing stuff out of the phone book.  This is a group song I'll watch.  Even D'Crappensuck was funny and well placed in this piece.

937p... Randy the Dawg now introduces Jennifer Lopez to the stage.  Fast Forward.

939p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

Congrats to Ace and Diana

939p... Seacrusty scans the audience for past Idols, and we see Taylor Hicks and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, and who's a couple?  Diana DeGarmo and Steph's Man Ace Young Still with the Ace Hair... and after Seacrusty mentions that they moved in together... and... Ace says he has a question...

941p... Dim the Lights, here we go!  He proposes!!!!  SHE SAYS YES! 

942p... Now THAT was an Idol moment.  Awesome.

942p... Will.I.Am (you know, from Fergie!) says this chick was awesome... and she is... here is Hollie Cavanagh!   And Jordin Sparks, minus, like, 89 pounds!

944p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

944p... Seacrusty mentions the death of Robin Gibb, and deservedly so.  And the Guys Group comes out, and I hit the --> button.

Randy Watson, the lead singer of Sexual Chocolate, with The Reverend
Brown.  Put a fluffy wig on the reverend, take off that 'stache, and its a
pretty close take on Jennifer Holliday.

945p... One is on the verge of having a dream come true, the other is a real Dream Girl... Jennifer Holliday and Jessica Sanchez.  I might have to watch this.  I've never seen Jennifer Holliday sing... and she has the weirdest mouth I've ever seen.  It actually makes me think of the preacher guy in "Coming to America"--you know, the one portrayed by Arsenio Hall? 

948p... At one point, J-Sanch just stops singing and shakes her head.   Jennifer Holliday is freakin' owning her.  I would imagine backstage, she looked at J-Sanch and simply said, "Listen, little girl.  I don't get much TV time any more.  This is my spotlight, my song.  You sing when I let you sing.  And only then.  Otherwise, you keep your mouth shut."

949p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

949p... And whaddya know... its Aerosmith!  I say that seriously, not in jest... Aerosmith is awesome.  However, it is late... so... -->

950p... So, thats J-Lo and Aerosmith.  Wonder if Journey is coming out so Randy the Dawg can play his guitar?

951p...  Fast Forward through Commercial Break

952p... Fast Forward through a duet by P2 and J-Sanch, backed by the Idols, of "Up Where We Belong".  Did you know Joe Cocker, who sings opposite Jennifer Warnes on this song, was British? 

954p... Seacrusty finally gets down to business, bringing Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez to centerstage.  The accounting guy comes out with the "official results" in a gold envelope.

954p... I guess they are automatically the Bottom Two?  Or the Top Two? 

955p... Dim the lights!  Here we go!  After a nationwide search and vote...

the winner is...

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!! 

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!!

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!!!!!

957p... And The American Idol Phillip Phillips does "Home", which was on the previous night's episode, but we just heard it a little while ago... and its still good.  Phillip Phillips ends up crying halfway through this performance, however, and struggles to get to the next line. 

Finally, before the song is even over, he just walks away, off stage and to his family. 

I guess the best way to end this recap, and this season of Idol, is simply to quote The Lovely Steph Leann, who just said, "Well.  There is it."

Indeed.

The Idol Eighties

Just rolled up into town from a trip down in Andalusia, Alabama, seeing the family and showing Campbell off to everyone.  I even took my computer with me, thinking I'd have a few free minutes to blog something or another, give you, my fair Coffee Drinkers, something to read and look at, but alas, by the time 1140 rolled around last night, I was tired as a one-armed paper hanger.

That being said, I have much to blog, some funny, some pics, and some personal, but first, we have a little matter of a episode of American Idol to discuss.

Now, I must tell you going into this performance episode, I already know who has been voted out.  The Lovely Steph Leann is in the dark, as she's good at avoiding such info when she needs to not-know, but I managed to see.  It wasn't my fault, though, I wasn't looking for the answer, I just happened to get a message that said "Hannah Armstrong left a message on your timeline", meaning my Facebook wall.  And dear, sweet Hannah, not knowing that I had not seen the episode nor heard anything about it... her message told me exactly what I was avoiding.  So, I know.

We still need to review, though.. so let's get to it. 

CAUSE THIS

IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Its 80s night, and we'll be hearing 80s performances as well as 80s duets.  We see a music montage featuring Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings", seeing their sad faces as Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) says goodbye last week, but their determination (and backhanded insult to the others who have said goodbye) by someone saying "Its down to the best of the best".  If only we could get rid of D'Crappensuck... if only.

This week's mentorship, joining Jimmy Iovine, is from Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal from No Doubt. 

D'Crappensuck is first up.  He'll be singing some song from El DeBarge, which means he found something that lets him to his falsetto so annoyingly much.  Gwen Stefani says that D'Crappensuck is the "total package".  Yeah, total package... of CRAP!  Ha!

I don't care if it was good or not, I can't bring myself to start to like anything this kid does.  Heck, even with Obama, I'd give him credit for doing something right (I'm just waiting for that moment), but with D'Crappensuck?  Not so much.  The judges love him, of course. 

Eh.

Randy the Dawg says, "El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd!' from that performance..."  No, Randy the Dawg, El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd' because he's locked up. 

Here comes the much loved Elise Testosterone!  She's doing "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, made famous by Jeff Buckley.  She then tries "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. 

E-Test sounds good--not great--but good, and does a mature performance with the song.  I think "Hallelujah" would have been a true Idol moment, but when Gwen Stefani tells you "do the Foreigner song", you do the Foreigner song. 

Randy the Dawg calls her out on pitch issues, and Creepy Uncle Steven, who was swaying to the music when the Idol cameras showed him, says it was the wrong song choice.  Really?  And J-Lo gives her the death line... "you look beautiful tonight'.   That sucks. 

Islands in the stream... that is what we are.. no one in between... how
can we be wrong... sail away with me... to another world.. where we
rely on each other... uh-huh.. from one lover to another... uh-huh

DUET TO IT!!  Colton Dixon and Little Skylar Laine bust up on Kenny & Dolly's immortal "Islands in the Stream", a song that, as corny as it is, you just cannot help but like.  I think everyone likes this song... Bill Clinton.  James Hetfield.  Brad Latta.  Courtney Love.  Barry Manilow.  They all love this song.  Who doesn't? 

Since country is her forte, Little Skylar Laine does better in this than Colton Dixon, but its admirable that she doesn't just blow it out and show him up. 

And Seacrusty, that drama starter, makes a comment about the "strong chemistry" up on stage, while Colton gives him the death look of death.

And now, let's hear it for Phillip2, and he'll be singing "That's All" by Genesis, and in rehearsal, he looks not only terrible, but also like he's in pain.  Gwen Stefani says the same, that maybe he wasn't quite getting there... though she does feel like he'll be in the "top tops" eventually.

Me: Did she just say "top tops"?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  That's what she said.

As for Phillip2, it was good.  Again, not great, but good.  I like the original, and I get a kick out of how Phillip2 eats the mic John Mayer style, but this was just decent. 

The judges loved him.

That's all.

DUET TO IT!

So, what's better than one appearance from D'Crappensuck!?  TWO, count 'em, TWO SONGS by D'Crappensuck!  That's right!  Appearing with Hollie Cav, they are set to butcher sing The Pointer Sister's "I'm So Excited".

All I can say is, as a child of the 80s, I cannot hear this song without thinking of Jessie Spano singing this to Zack Morris when he tries to take away her caffeine pills. 

When asked about the performances so far, J-Lo says, "I loved D'Crappensuck!"  When this guy goes, she might just kill herself, live, on-air.  Seriously.  Randy the Dawg then asks the question, "I wanna know, who's got to have IT tonight?!"

The answer?

R&B Crooner Joshua Lidet is singing one of those songs that I don't care for, Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... personally, if I'm talking Simply Red, you should check out "Sunrise".  Great song, great sample of Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That (no can do)"

By the way, I remember listening to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 back in like, 1987, when Simply Red was in their heyday... apparently, they were called "Red", but as they were going on stage, the guy introduced them as "Red Simply Red" due to a miscommunication.  Frontman, and red haired Mick Hucknall, whispered loudly, "No, its Red!  Just simply Red!" and the MC says, "Okay... Simply Red!".  There ya go. 

I like Joshua Lidet, but he kinda sounds exactly the same from week to week.  Great voice, great style, but nothing new. 

The judges loved it, of course.

Jessica Sanchez is taking on her second pre-crack Whitney song of the season, this time being "How Will I Know". 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm glad she's not singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', that song is overused."

J-Sanch kicks off the song a little shaky, but then digs in and sounds great.  Like usual.

Okay, so I wanna be the guy who sets up the background images for the performances. No joke, there is an image of a cassette tape in the background with the word "CASSETTE" written on it.

Me: So, they have to spell out that its a cassette?  Are these kids that ignorant?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  What do cassette tapes have to do with "How Will I Know"?

The judges loved it, of course.

RANDOM NOTE... So the two people who wrote the song "Waiting for a Star to Fall", Shannan Rubicam and George Merrill, also known as the duo Boy Meets Girl, wrote "How Will I Know" AND "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".  Now you know.

DUET TO IT!!  Because Idol can't get enough of Stevie Nicks,we've got Elise Testosterone playing Stevie to Phillip2's Tom Petty on "Stop Dragging My Heart Around".  They both have perfect voices for this, and truly, that was a great version of this song.  E-Test really shone, and helped picked up Phillip2's slight slack on the song.  Good times!

No Hollie!  No ma'am!  Don't do this!  Jennife Beals
barely pulls it off...

Here comes Hollie Cav, and she'll be doing Irene Cara's "What a Feeling... Flashdance".  Now, I hope that they don't do a bucket of water poured onto Hollie Cav as she leans over a chair, as you see her silhouette... since Hollie Cav is so young, that would be creepy.

BUT... if she wore leg warmers and the sweatshirt that had the collar cut out and draped off her shoulders, that would be seven shades of AWESOME.

I think Hollie Cavanaugh sang it decently well... but she didn't seem to ever get into it.  The judges agree with me on that.  However, after hearing all three judges pile on, I think she was better than they gave her credit for.  This could be bad for Hollie Cav. 

DUET TO IT!!  Seacrusty asks us if we'd ever wondered what it would sound like if Joshua Lidet and J-Sanch teamed up... on my way back from South Alabama, I spent over an hour wondering that very thing!  Thank you, Seacrusty!!

They are doing the Aretha Franklin/George Michael mega-hit from the late 80s called "I Knew You Were Waiting".  I used to love the foo' out of this song, spending a few months atop my mental Favorite Songs list... it was followed by Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me", strangely enough, which spent a few weeks atop my mental Favorite Songs list.  Don't ask me how I remember that. 

Anyway, good duet by J-Lid and J-Sanch.

The judges loved it, of course.

I think that we should invent a drinking game, where every time Randy the Dawg tells us he worked on a song or worked with (name drop here), you take a shot.  You'd be eligible for Al-Anon by 38 minutes into the show.

Colton Dixon is doing a song that made The Lovely Steph Leann say, "YES!"... the song that makes Tony Kanal and Gwen Stefani say, "every time we sit and write a song, we want to write this song... we wished we had written this song"... the song that I considered one of my favorites of all time, Top 100 definitely, and one of the most beautiful covers I've ever heard by Nichole Nordeman...

Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time". 

I think I like this performance, but being Colton Dixon, I really wanted to like it more.  I think the fact he keeps singing "Time After Tie" bugs me, and I'm not sure I like the sped up arrangement of it all. 

The judges are going nuts, though, and I guess with Colton Dixon, that's okay. 

Finally, in the Pimp Spot, its Little Skylar Laine, and she's doing some cheese with "The Wind Beneath My Wings" from Bette Midler, featured in the movie "Beaches".  Great movie.  I shed one single tear as I watched it, though that might have been my subconscious trying to show Ginny Kochen that I was a sensitive guy as we watched it with Miranda Bryant, Bobby Black and Mandy Stewart in Miranda's & Mandy's 4th floor room in Shackelford Hall back in like, October 1993.  Ginny and I only went out once.  Taught me a lesson, that being, "Even though girls say they want the flowers and romance and such, they really don't want it until well into a dating relationship, lest they think you are coming on too strong and might be a little creepy."  There's a story there, I tell ya.

Anyway, Little Skylar Laine just killed that song.  I mean, made it her biz-nitch, pardon my Frez-nench. Personally, it was the best solo performance of the night, and I think it was not just the voice, but also the country arrangement. 

My list, from first to worst, of performances: 
Colton & Skylar's "Islands in the Stream"...  Little Skylar Laine's "Wind Beneath My Wings"... E-Test & P2's "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"...  Phillip2's "That's All"... Colton Dixon's "Time After Time"... Joshua & J-Sanch's "I Knew You Were Waiting"... Elise Testosterone's "I Wanna Know What Love Is"... J-Sanch's "How Will I Know"... Joshua Lidet's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... Hollie Cav's "What a Feeling... Flashdance"... That crap from D'Crappensuck, where he sucked Hollie Cav down into his crappiness... That crap from D'Crappensuck by himself...

A Night of Whitney Wonders

So here we are... its early March, and what we've been waiting for has finally arrived... its the Idol Finals... the Live Shows... The Top Thirteen.  The Lucky Thirteen, as they say.

Tonight, the guys take on a monumental task... songs of the legendary Stevie Wonder, perhaps the greatest living blind guy right now.  (Sorry Mickey Gilley and Ronnie Milsap).  The girls?  Even harder now... the music of the Late Whitney Houston.  I look forward to this night, as it will allow me to dish on Whitney a little. 

Anyone who has read me enough knows that I love Pre-Crack Whitney, an era defined from her beginnings in 1985-86 to time around 1996 when "The Preacher's Wife" was released, both movie and soundtrack.  Truly, she was probably Mid-Crack then, as her relationship with Bobby Brown was in its 5th or 6th year, but it was what I consider her last great, solid work.  Well, okay, I consider "The Bodyguard" in 1992 to be her last great work, but "The Preacher's Wife" was pretty good music too.

And so now, we begin the 12 week trek to find either the next Carrie Underwood, the next Lee DeWyze, or the next Somewhere in Between. 

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Tonight, Ryan Seacrusty tells us that this marks American Idol's FOUR HUNDREDTH EPISODE... which is pretty good, I must say.  Does it make me a dork to say that I know WWE Raw is on episode 957?  Just wondering.

Seacrusty tells us about the Stevie/Whitney dynamic, then tells us, "Because of this, we will reveal the Bottom Guy and the Bottom Girl, and the judges will decide who stays and who goes."  Interesting...

Joshua Lidet bats lead-off, with "I Wish" for the City", and helping out is not only Jimmy Iovine (Eye-veen), but also R&B Supa-Dupa Stah Mary J. Blige.  Note:  One of my Top 50 songs of all time is Mary J.'s "Real Love" from 1992ish.  Would go on my Samson High School Soundtrack if I had one.  Maybe I should make one. 

Back to Joshua... he's bringing it.  I can dig it.  Randy the Dawg says, "You just blew it out!  Yo!  Dawg!  Yo!"  And what the heck is that broach on Randy the Dawg's lapel?  J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler loved it.

Elise Testosterone wants to sing "The Greatest Love of All", but Jimmy Iovine and Mary J. tells her NO.  She can't be singing that song.  They then push "I'm Your Baby Tonight", which is my favorite Whitney song of all time.  Of course, it doesn't help that she says she'd never heard to song before.  Wait... what?  Are they trying to get rid of my dear E-Test off the bat? 

She sounds good, but she really doesn't sound like she really loves that song.  I do love her voice, though.  J-Lo says what I just said, that being she didn't feel a connection to the song.  Of course not, J-Lo... this isn't even what she wanted!  Creepy Uncle Steven and Randy the Dawg says the same.

This guy made a 91 after spending 6 weeks in the bathroom

Big Daddy Jermaine is up next, and going to sing "Knocks Me Off My Feet", a Stevie song that I really don't know very well.  I almost feel that Jermaine should just sing Luther songs all the time, every week.  No matter the theme.  50's songs?  Luther.  70's songs?  Luther.  Songs on the Pop Charts right now? Luther.  Have you seen this guy?  Are you going to tell him no? 

He kind of reminds me of the big dude in "Summer School" who went to the bathroom and spent six weeks there ("my zipper got stuck", he tells Mr. Shoop, played by Mark Harmon) and still scored the highest on the placement test.  I have to think about stuff like this to keep me from falling asleep because it ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Creepy Uncle Stevie loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it. 

Along the lines of songs I'm not familiar with, its Erika Van Pelt doing "I Believe In You and Me", a Whitney song I don't know much about.  I dig me some EVP, truly.  She's funny and she's fun, and she's just cute enough to be cute, but not overly cute that she's not cute.  You follow me?  Good.

Mary J. tells EVP her tone is like a "steak and potatoes dinner, not celery".  They advise her to NOT try and sing like Whitney, but use her rasp and do her own style.   As she starts singing, I do recognize this song... its from "The Preacher's Wife".  This quite possibly was Whitney's last good song ever. 

EVP hits the big part of the song, and does it with wonderful restraint.  You down with EVP?  Yeah, you know me!

Randy the Dawg loved her "unbelievable tone".  J-Lo gushes.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler says, "it was perfect!"  We all be down with EVP.

By the way, Seacrusty says, "You have a new nickname... EVP!"  I look at The Lovely Steph Leann and say, "Ha!  I started that!  They read the blog!" and she quickly lets me know, "No, they didn't."  Thanks dear.  Frowny face.

Yup.  I own this.  Kids, this is called a "Cah-Set Tape"

Here comes Colton Dixon, doing one of my favorites, "Lately".  Full disclosure, though... I strongly prefer Jodeci's version from circa 1992, though Stevie's is pretty good too.  I even own the cassette single! 

I would have been interested in hearing Daughtry do this song a few years back too, as Colton is the most Daughtry-esque Idol we have this year.  Colton is really doing well, too... and for those of you who watched the show, his background video is distracting.  I have a new laptop, and it looks like a new-age screen saver that I have the option to download (but refused) from Microsoft's website.

Creepy Uncle Stevie says, "Outstanding!"... J-Lo says, "Great!"... Randy the Dawg says, "Yo!" and then says "wasn't pitch perfect" and then says, "the end, flawless."  I agree. 

Its Shannon Magrane!  And she says, "I'll be singing 'I Have Nothing'", and my reaction immediately is "Oooh..."  I almost feel like singing Whitney songs is hard enough... but there are a few "untouchables" from her that you just don't even try unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can blow it out... not just try your best, but own that sum-gun... "I Will Always Love You" and this one come to mind immediately.

And I'll tell you first, I really like Shannon Magrane... I think she's cute, she's bubbly, and she's got a great voice.  But she just proved my point above.  She didn't blow it out, she barely made it through. 

J-Lo tells her that "you're capable of doing it... but you need to relax".  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "Your nerves got the best of you."  Randy the Dawg concurs.  I don't agree.  I just think that song is way, way, waaaay too big for her.  Its an Untouchable. 

Leave it to my least favorite Idol, D'Kenny G, to sing one of my least favorite Stevie songs, "Master Blaster".  And he's doing a version in one of my least favorite styles of music, reggae.  I just threw up in my mouth.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "its bad all around." 

No joke.  Or, hopefully this is a joke.  This is terrible.  I want this kid to go home so, so badly. 

I'm also a little iffy on the whole "judges pick a wild-card to join the contest" thing... I mean, its up to the voters by the semis, right?  So why put in Idols the people didn't want, as judged by their votes?  And what if one of these cats win the whole thing?  An Idol that people didn't want who goes on to win it?  Its like that season of Survivor where they had an Outcast Tribe, made up of Lil and Eric Bana, and others that were voted out... and Lil almost won the whole thing!? 

And of course, all the judges dug the fool out of it.  Suck.

Country girl Skylar Laine is doing something smart with her Whitney song, "Where Do Broken Hearts Go", a song that is known, but not one that people immediately think of when they think of Whitney music.   And this works perfectly.

She's doing a version that I quite literally could imagine hearing on 104.7 WZZK right now.   She's not my #1 favorite, and this isn't necessarily my favorite performance of the night, but this is the best sung song of the night so far. 

J-Lo should be gushing over her, and does.  "Biggest moment of the night."  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "That was a thing of beauty."  Randy the Dawg says, "What I love is you are a country girl, but you just proved that you can sing any song." 

And here comes Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better).  I just see this guy and he makes me laugh.  He's doing another more obscure Stevie song, "All is Fair in Love".  Mary J. says, "He caught me off guard--I didn't expect Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) to sound like that!"  He then wins over Jimmy Iovene and Mary J. by handing them autographed pictures of himself.  Jimmy's says, "Jimmy Ivene, I love you!' and Mary J's says, "Mary J, I love you more than Jimmy!" This guy cracks me up.

And that helps, because while sung well, the song is sorta boring.  And the judges loved the poop outtat this kid.  Rightly so.  Randy the Dawg even said, "It wasn't perfect... but it was really good."

Tiny little Hollie Cav is doing a borderline Untouchable, that being Whitney's "All the Man That I Need", one of my Top Ten favorite Whitney songs ever.   And I feel like, we are obliged to like Hollie Cav, cause she's so darn nice.  She's also a prime example of how good professional hair and make-up people can make you look, cause she's just cutesy patootsy in her mentoring with Mary J. and Jimmy Iovine, but onstage, she's almost hot.  Almost.  She's not Bayley Brown! mind you... oh, Bayley Brown!, you coulda been a contenda.

I'm a little scared of that ring she's got on, though--it's like, her Planet Krypton High School class ring.  The judges just loved her, and rightly so.

Long live Baylie Brown!

So, Jeremy Risotto is called "Jer-Bear" by J-Lo?  Gag me with a dirty spoon.  Now, unlike D'Kenny G, I like Jeremy Risotto.  I do.  Seems like a good kid.  However, like D'Kenny G, I'm not a fan.  Its not that Jeremy is bad, he's got some talent, he's just not as good as some of the others that could have been picked... Reed Grimm?  Hallie Day?  Baylie Brown!? 

Jeremy is doing "Ribbon in the Sky" and for the second time tonight, I'm borZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(yawn... stretch... smack lips to get rid of sleepy breath...)

Who's next?

So, I'm hearing a ton about Jessica Sanchez... and she's doing an Untouchable.  When it comes to Whitney, perhaps THE Untouchable, "I Will Always Love You."  This has to be perfect, because every. single. note. will be compared to the immortal original.

Remember what I said earlier?  You don't pick a song without knowing you can blow it out? 

Holy crap.

That might have been one of the greatest Whitney cover songs ever on American Idol.  That also might have been one of the top ten greatest Idol songs ever. 

Holy flippin' crap. 

She just made that song her... well, she owned it. 

J-Lo is openly weeping, though that might be because she just saw her horrid "Got the Music In Me" commercial.  Randy the Dawg just exploded.  Creepy Uncle Steven is in awe. 

And finally, here's the guy who has to follow this... Phillip2.  He's going to attempt a much-attempted Stevie song, "Superstition", probably one of my top five Stevie songs.  Phillip Phillips, or Davematthews Davematthews Jr as EW calls him, is one of those that is going to make this song all his own.

And he does that very thing... its a rocking, raspy, eat the mic, jazzy, guitar fueled version, and it really is different enough to successfully follow J-Sanch's perfection just a few moments before.  If Shannon Magrane had followed J-Sanch with her "I Have Nothing", I'm afraid the judges would have just asked her to leave right then and there.

And the judges harp on the whole "you are so different" and "you have your own style" kind of thing. 

Best to worst:  There is J-Sanch's "I Will Always Love You"

Then there is everyone else... EVP's "I Believe In You and Me"... Skylar Laine's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go"... Hollie Cav's "All The Man That I Need"... Colton Dixon's "Lately"... Joshua Lidet's "I Wish"... Phillip2's "Superstition"... Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)'s "All is Fair in Love"...  Elise Testosterone's "I'm Your Baby Tonight"... Big Daddy Jermaine's "Knocks Me Off My Feet"... Shannon Magrane, "I Have Nothing"... Jeremy Risotto's "Ribbon in the Sky"... and finally, that crap from D'Kenny G

Who goes home?  Either Shannon Magrane or Jeremy Risotto, and they save Jeremy.  Unfortunately.  That's my opinion, anyway.

And the results?  Well, keep reading...

Just Another Sad Love Song Part 1

"Its just another sad love song, racking my brain like crazy. Guess I'm all torn up, be it fast or slow, it doesn't let go or shake me... and its all because of you..." -- Another Sad Love Song by Toni Braxton

Some years ago, say, 2006, I did a post called "Sad Songs Say So Much", where I listed what I felt was the 20th Saddest Songs Ever.


Well, here we are, six full years later, and its time to revisit. So for this Valentine's Day, I wanted to give you my new list, this time, The 25 Saddest Songs Ever... many of the songs are the same, just lower or higher, but since in six years I've gained several new readers, this is new to you!

Broken into 2 parts for length and time (I've got just long enough to finish this before The Lovely Steph Leann wakes up, meaning Campbell wakes up on the couch and I've got to feed him. And her), here is numbers 25 through 11... the top ten will be listed in a day or so. I promise.

Note... these are all about heartbreak. There are many songs out there about abuse and suicide and death and tragedy and destruction and such, but I centered only on the loneliness, despair and ache that can only be felt with a broken heart... except for one song, which will be explained when we get there. So no "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men, a song about death.

Honorable Mentions... "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel (too much like #23)... "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (overplayed to the point that its lost its punch)... "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (too easy)... "Superstar" by The Carpenters (too stalkery).... and "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss (too drunky)


(25) "Somebody Lied" by Ricky Van Shelton 
"Hello? Yeah, this is me. Lord, its been a long, long time. I know this ain't no social call, so go ahead, get it off your mind. You heard what? Well, it ain't true. I was here most all last night... I got over you the day you left, could it be somebody lied?"

Talk about a gut wrenching song... this dude gets a call from his ex-chick, and his ex is like, "Dude, I heard you been asking about me too all our friends... what the crap, yo?" and he is like, "Naw, that ain't me. Somebody been lying to you." And then she's like, "Man, I been done heard you been like, crying and all to all of our peeps, yo." And then, he is like, "Naw, I ain't shed a tear in years. And that I talked about you? That is crazy... I ain't even noticed you be gone, yo."

Then, he asked, "... so, if they were true, what would it matter to you, would it change the way you feel? If the rumors were right, would you be here tonight, to help this old heart heal? But, don't worry, it wasn't me. Just someone who's world was torn in two. Someone who looks alot like me, and loves someone like you."

(24) "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi
"... I guess this time your really leaving... I heard your suitcase say goodbye... and as my broken heart lies bleeding... you said true love is suicide..."

Ouch. Jon Bon Jovi's growly voice kicks in after a memorable twangy opening, then spends the next five minutes or so simply begging and pleading for her not to leave.

But she ain't having it. She says she's cried a thousand rivers, but now she's swimming for the shore.

(23) "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen, the "Jerry Maguire" version
"...I was just about to tell you... that I love him. I DO! I love him! And I don't care what you think, I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man... he almost is! I love him, Laurel. I love him. I love him."

That line is spoken in the depths of the movie "Jerry Maguire", one of my 100 favorite films of all time, and also at the very beginning of this version of the highly underrated Bruce Springsteen song. Its a song all about a chick who is distant, who is secretive, who lets her man in only so far, then pushes him away... while the dude himself yearns to be closer to her. "She lead you down a path, there'll be tenderness in the air. She'll let you in just far enough so you'll know she's really there..." Sad, sad.


I frakkin' love this movie. No joke.

(22) "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley
"...don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend its him in some fantasy. Darling, just once let yesterday go, you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight, and don't close your eyes..."

So, not only does this guy have to suffer through having a chick, being in love with this chick even, that he knows has a previous man... but he has to suffer with the knowledge that even though she is with him, she's thinking of her previous man! What!? What what?! So rather than telling her to hit the bricks, he actually just begs her to just stay awake, because if she closes her eyes or goes to sleep, she'll think of her old boo. Sad. And even worse, I've been there.

And its even worse that Keith Whitley ended up drinking himself to death a few years after this monumental hit.

(21) "With or Without You" by U2
"see the stone set in your eyes, feel the thorn twist in your side, and I wait... for you."

I echo my sentiments from six years ago... You chicks are evil. Seriously.

(20) "Separate Lives" by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin
"Oh, its so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall (build that wall), you build that wall, and you make it stronger... you have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind. Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes. But for now, we'll go on living... separate lives."

Whew. Written by Stephen Bishop (a soft pop guy from the early 80s, had a hit with "It Might Be You" from "Tootsie"), he dated Karen Allen, who we know as the love interest from the first and fourth Indiana Jones movies. They had a bad breakup, and Bishop wrote this song after actually calling her from his hotel room--which is in the song. Ouch.

(19) "I'll Never Get Over You (getting over me)" by Expose
"...I try to smile so the hurt won’t show… tell everybody I was glad to see you go…"

Talk about someone who can’t let go! Here’s a chick who is just watching her man go about and have a good time, she has watched him not only move on, but also forget about her. From 1992, its Expose’s last hit on the charts.

By the way, Expose falls under that Pat Benetar category of "Artists that you never realized had so many songs that you like"... I mean, Expose was a pretty big deal in the late, late 80s and early 90s... "Point of No Return" and "When I Looked at Him" and of course, their biggest hit of all, "Seasons Change", which is an awesome song.

FYI... I played this song as I broke up with a girl my freshman year in college.  What a douchey move, I admit it.  Sorry.  I was 18.    


(18) "Can't Let Go" by Mariah Carey
"...you even realize the sorrow I have inside, every day of my life? Do you know they way it feels when all you have just died? I try and try to deny the way that I feel but still you remain on my mind…"

From the 1991 album “Emotions”, here’s Mariah Carey’s ode to losing someone… not just losing someone, nay nay! Losing someone and not being able to move forward! Losing them and watching them be with someone else! Now this song was Mariah’s 6th single ever, but the first to not make it to #1, as it stalled at #2. The song that kept it from #1? All for Love by Color Me Badd.

(17) "I Can't Stay Away from You" by Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine
"...and I don’t wanna be your second choice, don’t wanna be just your friend… you keep telling me that you’re not in love, you wanna throw it all away…"

From 1988, the album Let It Loose, its Gloria Estefan AND the Miami Sound Machine. This one is heartbreaking because not only does she lose her boo… not only is he moving on… not only can she not move on… but she can’t stay away from him. She can’t stop thinking about him. She wants him to call her up and say “I need you too”. Its just so… so painful.

Is there a better band name that "The Miami Sound Machine"? That's an awesome name. I think if the Miami Dolphins ever had a good defense, they could call it "The Miami Pound Machine". Wait... that sounds wrong. Never mind.

(16) "Nothing Broken But My Heart" by Celine Dion
"If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm fine. All I needed was a little time.... so if you think I still need you, baby, I really don't know why... but if you see me, nothing's broken... nothing's broken but my heart."

Here's my absolute favorite song by Celine Dion… from her self titled album released in 1992, it’s a tune about a bad breakup. She herself has moved on, just like her man. She’s gotten herself together, she’s started a new life and all that rot. But still… she finds herself reflecting and says, “you know, you might think my world has ended, but really… nothing is wrong. Except for the fact I have a broken heart.” And there it is.

Dig the Vh1 logo in the corner. Old school.

(15) "No One Is to Blame" by Howard Jones
"You can see the summit, but you can't reach it. The last piece of the puzzle, but you just can't make it fit... doctor says your cured, but you still feel the pain, aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain..."

Its all about being attracted to someone you just can't be with. The entire song is filled with contradictions--you can be the fastest runner, but you aren't allowed to win. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. And you want her, and she wants you... but it just ain't happening. And guess what? No one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.

Howard Jones got the idea for this song in 1985 on a trip to San Francisco, when a friend asked him about the women in San Fran. When Jones said he found them great, the friend said, "Well, you can look at the menu, but you don't have to eat." And it was a song after that.

(14) "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
Oh Whitney. Oh, dear, sweet Whitney. I'm not ready to discuss this yet--I truly do feel, no joke intended, that a piece of my music loving soul passed.

Moving on.

(13) "There's a Light In Your Eyes" by The Blessid Union of Souls
"It's been a while since I've seen you, how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send?"

To me, a quite simplistic, yet painful line. Its about a guy who is fondly remember his woman, the one who left. Perhaps she left because he was a jerkweed, perhaps she left because she knew she herself was a jerkweedette, or perhaps its over because... well, sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes relationships just don't happen. "I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude... sometimes the distance is more than two people can use..." And the dude singing has this great melodic voice that just fits perfectly. Perfectly painful. There's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me?

(12) "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Its not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away."

Such a simple song. Maybe two verse, an undefined chorus and 25 uses of the words "I know". Yet, Bill Withers in his soulful smoothness sings the pain of the heart, the missing of the woman he loves. Because when she's gone, its dark everywhere, especially in the heart. One of my 25 favorite songs of all time.

(11) "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall
"...I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But its so hard to let you go now, and all that could have been. I'll always have the memories, she'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing when you don't want it to."

From the soundtrack of a pretty good movie, that being "My Best Friend's Wedding", this is a little known artist named Amanda Marshall... like many artists, big in Canada, not well known here. Its all about the fun of watching your best friend, the one you are in love with, the love of your life, not only love, but end up with someone else. I only know of one other song by Amanda Marshall, that being "Birmingham", but this one is the one to remember.

Next... The Police, sort of.  Gloria returns.  A Broadway staple.  A reverend.  The Top Ten Saddest Songs Ever.

A Fallen Idol... Hollywood Week Part 1

Okay, let's be real here... I frikkin' love me some Hollywood Week on American Idol.  I love watching the potential divas flame out, I love watching the dynamic between the individuals and groups, and especially love watching the Idols who piddle around, maybe even go to sleep instead of practice, get shot down when they blow their Hollywood Auditions.

More tears will be shed, more lives will be changed, more stakes will be raised, more drama will be unstoppable, more passion will be unbelievable, more talent will be... well, talented out.

THIS IS HOLLLLLLLYYYWOOOODDD WWWEEEEEEKKKK, yo.

So this year, 309 are headed to Southern California... yes, I wrote that right, its THREE HUNDRED AND NINE Idolites, or as Seacrusty tells us, "the nation's elite".  Or something.

Now, its hard to discuss this first part of Hollywood Week, really, so I'll try and hit the highlights.  We see our judges, Randy the Dawg, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler and J to the Lo  from the Block grace the stage for a goofy pep talk.

Contestants come out in groups of 10 and sing a song of their choosing, and the judges will give no reaction or feedback.  Then, they immediately look at the group of 10, discuss each one right there, then give them the "you are through" or the "you are done"... or as J-Lo would say, "not this year, baby".

And I'll be honest with ya, I remember these faces, but I don't remember alot of these names--unless I can see them on the graphic.

Johnny Keyser is doing "Dreamin'" by Amos Lee, who I really like.  And during the song, despite the no-feedback rule, we see the judges smiling and nodding and such.  Up next is Heejun Han, who admits that the guy before him--Johnny--is a good looking dude, and he wonders himself, "Why am I even here?  Everyone here is so tall and pretty... I have to figure out how to overcome the beauty!"  Well said, sir.

Heejun does some music by The Bolt, singing "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You", garnering some judges smiles and even some Woos! and Hoos! from the audience.  It is kinda funny, though, you can pick up on his Asian accent slightly as he sings.  Good thing he didn't try Shawn Mullin's "Lullaby".  That one was for you, Hurricane Rhett!

Johnny and Heejun are the only ones in this group featured, so our cameras focus on them.  Johnny and Heejun and some chick named Gabby make it through... the 7 behind them, the 7 that we will never ever see or hear from again, are sent home.

Elise Testosterone is shown, as is Baylie Brown... she made it this far already, it was the group round that killed her.  Hallie Day is shown again, doing "You Make Me Feel (like a natural woman)", and doing it well.  And the entire group of 10 gets sent through to the next round.

Seacrusty hows us some contestants backstage, discussing sweaty palms and shaky nerves and twitchy fidgets and such.  Jen Hirsh is up, singing some obscure (and its obscure to me because I've never heard of it) some by Patti Griffin, called "Up to the Mountain".  She belts it out strong, but then hits some crazy notes that make Randy the Dawg wince.

Her line performs, including Lauren Grey from St. Louis, who keeps singing, even though Randy the Dawg is waving for her to stop.  Jen Hirsch and Lauren Grey made it.

And someone named Heather just butchered "Crazy on You" by Heart--my favorite Heart song, by the way--and we hear other tunes being slaughtered, including the usual pleading of "can I sing a little more?  please?  I started off bad, but can I start again...?"

Phil Phillips is back!  Sounds like a disc jockey name.  I used my real name when I was on the air, which is a rarity for many DJs, but it didn't matter, because no one believed it was my real name.  "Your name is d$?  No way.  You are lying!"  Phillip Phillips is doing "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag", while Reed Grimm is scatting "I've Got a Golden Ticket" from the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory... which, by the way, was great when I was a kid, but now is a little creepy and strange and makes me feel like I should have used some acid before watching it.

Travis Orlando is back after being cut last year, as we get a BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!!!   Truthfully, I kinda like this guy.  He does need to find a job, though.  Phillip Phillips and Reed Grimm get the okay, while Travis Orlando gets the "I'm sorry baby, not this year" from J to the Lo.  Tearfully, he tells us that he goes back to "nothing", which is kinda sad...

Romerio Garcia goes home. So does mechanic Wolf Hamlin.  Jenny Schick also is sent packing.  Sixty-eight go home at Day One's close.  And who cares how their names are spelled?  They are gone.

At Day Two, the judges arrive, ready and raring.  Inside the "holding room", everyone is freaking out.  Adam Brock, who we have not seen in one single frame up until now, admits that he's been told, "There is a large black woman trapped inside of me."  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  He is sad that he will be away from his daughter for a few days for the first time.  Really?  I mean, The Lovely Steph Leann is out of town for three days and she's fine.  Seriously.

The Unseen Adam Brock is soul'ing up "Walking in Memphis" quite nicely.  One of my favorite songs.  And here comes Lil' Jim Carrey, that being Jane Carrey!  She's doing a chick rendition of CCR's "Looking Out My Backdoor".  Not sure this is legal, according to the laws of Rock n Roll--you know, the same laws that include "You Must Play ALL Verses of 'Lyin Eyes' and 'American Pie' or risk stiff FCC fines up to and/or including suspension of your radio license."

Adam Brock makes in, while Jane Carrey, doing a Scooter Girl'esque flash in the pan, goes home, as does a big Samoan looking sum'gun in the corner.

We see a montage of those accepting defeat and walking away with dignity, and more begging and pleading for one more shot... because THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!

So, 17 year old David Leathers, Jr, is a short little guy... kinda reminds me of the lead kid in Another Bad Creation.  And when he talks, they've added subtitles.  Is it a good thing when you speak English, yet you need subtitles?   Oh, here's Shannon Magrane, who Creepy Uncle Steven earned the "Creepy" title by opening calling her "hot and happening"... in front of Daddy Magrane.  Yowzers.  She is taking on a hard song, "Fallen", while Little David Jr is singing Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me".  I can't wait to hear The Lovely Steph Leann's take on his performance.

And following Little David Jr is Jessica Phillips, who's boo had the stroke--BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!  Seriously, though, I really liked her and liked her story, and hope she does well.  She sings "All the Man That I Need"...



Oh, I do love me some Pre-Crack Whitney.  No stinkin' joke.  He fills me up!  He gives me love!  More love than I've evaaaa seeen!  He's all I gots!  He's all I gots in this world!  But he's all the man... all the man that I neeeeeed!!!  Dig it.

So, out of that group, Little David Jr, Shannon Magrane and Jessica all make it to the next round.   More auditions including Erika Van Pelt, the DJ chick, and New Yorker Creighton Fraker.  And here's Aaron Marcellus, the music teacher from Atlanta.  Okay, who doesn't think "Marcellis Wallace" from "Pulp Fiction" when they hear the name Marcellis?  All these sail on to the next round.

Savannah auditioner Lauren Mink is the chick who works with adults with disabilities, and she breaks out more Heart with "Alone".  After Carrie Underwood did this, it should be retired from rotation.  Jeremy Rosado, being nicknamed "Dirty" by Randy the Dawg, works as a front desk clerk at a Infection Disease Clinic.  Wait, what?  It gives me pause knowing that, because for whatever reason, his tongue is yellow.

And here's Symone Black, 16, trying out "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay".  This song makes me think of the old Root Beer commercial for Hines (or is it Hires?)... sitting on the dock of the bay, drinking Hines.  And then...

...SHE FALLS OFF THE STAGE!!!

Someone yells "get the medic!!!!"

What the... I mean... what?  

Shouldn't she have sung "Fallen"?

(was totally watching the next episode and was going to blog it and post it tonight altogether, when I get a call from one mother in law, Mama Ruthless... with The Lovely Steph Leann out of town and me getting up at 355am for work, Campbell is staying with the grandparents... however, they are missing some medicine.  So I'm out the door, headed to deliver some medicine, and will recap Group Week tomorrow. I know you can't wait...)

Cruising the USS Idol

We were going to watch this last night, but after the game featuring the 49ers of San Francisco and the New York Football Giants went into overtime (with the Giants winning 20-17) and not ending until almost 10, I declared that Idol was a Monday viewing appointment.

So, here we are!  Its Monday afternoon, and here I am, in front of the laptop... The Lovely Steph Leann is on the couch, blankie in hand... however comma a new edition to the party.  Its Campbell Isaiah, in the house.  Not sure he'll have much input in the whole show, but if he throws up during a certain contestant, I'll let you know what he thinks.

10,000 hopefuls arrive... with a dream to change their lives... what they don't know is... this audition is unlike any other... cause tonight, the audition takes place on the deck of the USS Midway, docked in San Diego Harbor.  (and yes, Top Gun theme music is playing, and no, I'm not kidding)

THIS 

IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Randy the Dawg comes in, flanked by J-Lo and Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven... they are sitting at a table, and behind them is a wide open area, with a jet airline.

First up?  Chick in a bikini top and shorty shorts.  Seacrusty actually makes her take the stairs twice... to get a glance at the posterior side of our first contestant.  Creepy Uncle Steven loves her already.  Jennifer Diley, 19, is doing some Jessica Simpson, and finally... finally... a bad audition.

The Lovely Steph Leann whispers, "Uh uh" and says nothing more.

Randy the Dawg and J-Lo both say no, and Jennifer Diley wants to sing "Hero" by Mariah Carey... and it gets worse.  And Idol plays "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin.  San Diego starts with a bust, as Seacrusty tells us as the camera gets a torso shot of our failed brunette.

Single mom Ashley Robles, 26, is a DJ and a admin chick and works like, four jobs and such... that's admirable.  She's singing "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney... and she's not bad.  I feel like this song should be banned from Idol forever.  She gets to the "IIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuuu" part and nails it.  The fact that the judges let her go the entire first verse, entire chorus and the ending fade is huge...

She gets a big fat YES from all three.  Word.

Songwriter Jayrah Gibson, 26, says, "I was literally told 'you can't write, you can't sing, you can only sing..." Wait... what?  He offers the judges his own song called "Shake Yo' Moneymakah" for J-Lo.  Wait... what?  He's singing "Just Friends" by someone, I think... he's a little annoying, but his voice has that young Usher, Shai kind of sound.   Randy the Dawg is all about him.  Creepy Uncle Steven loved him.  J-Lo looks forward to his music in Hollywood.  Three YES votes.

"They enjoyed my presence, they just just just... just just they just just just j-j-just loved me..."  Wait... what?

Aubree Dieckmayer, 20, has her family here with her to encourage her to become a singer and America's Next Top Model... whaaaaaaa?   The producer says, "Top Model?" and she giggles, tries to recoup and has a hard time spitting out "America's next American Idol".

She's singing "Feeling Good" by... well, she says "Michael Buble", but this is a Nina Simone song, one of my top 20 songs of all time.  Yes, Buble does it well, but Nina Simone's version is right, tight and outta sight.   This chick does well, really good even, but I don't like her because she's stupid.  You can just tell she's an idiot.  She's someone who voted for Obama because he seemed cool, and thinks free healthcare is free.  She goes to Hollywood, but I'm rooting for her to flame out, because she's a moron.


Nina Simone, Feeling Good.  Sounding awesome.

Ali Shields, 19, got on the America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeG Show recently, after writing her a song that told her how big of a fan she was.  So America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeG sent her as part of a correspondent team to some awards show, then got a smacky kiss from Usher and Mike Posner.  She is in love with Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler.

And for her audition, she raps.  And ghetto booty shakes.  Randy the Dawg laughs, and asks her to sing.  So finally, Booty Ali busts out with a little tune, and isn't that bad.  So far, no one has truly impressed me, though no one has asked me my thoughts.  Randy the Dawg says YES, J-Lo says she loves her, and we know that Creepy Uncle Steven loves her.

They show her with her Golden Ticket after the audition.  Holy crap she's obnoxious.

Day 2 arrives in San Diego, as do the judges, with J-Lo missing parts of her dress.  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "I can't wait to hear 40 people sing the same Adele song for 40 #(*$* hours!"

Kyle Crews is a Kappa Alpha at UC-Berkley and admittedly has a habit of serenading the chicks that come over to the frat house.  He's going to sing Monica's "Angel of Mine".  I kinda wanted him to be bad, and thought he's got this weird vibrato thing, he's pretty good.  He kinda looks like Casio Kid from The Rick & Bubba Show.

A prime example of great lenses, bad frames... great voice, bad voice container.  The judges send him to Hollywood.  Maybe a Clay Aiken in the makin'.... good one, d$!!

Joanne Childers, 26, is in the middle of her version of Ingrid Michelson's "The Way I Am", a song I really dig, when the ships horn starts blaring.  We then see a montage of Idol hopefuls interrupted by various ship sounds, horns and the like.

BACKSTORY ALERT!!  Here comes a waitress mom who seems very toothy.  And why?  Because her dad is Jim Carrey.  Her name is Jane Carrey, and she's ready to make her own name.  She totally has the same mouth, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Her eyes too".

J-Lo says, "I was one of the fly girls!  Remember me!  I know your dad!" referring to In Living Color from back in the day.  Jane Carrey sings, "Something to Talk About"... its not over the top, but its got potential.  She gets a YES from everyone and she's off to Hollywood.

Why the frak-a-lak is this chick waiting tables as a single mom?  Her dad is Jim Carrey!

A montage of chicks who get Golden Tickets, while "California Gurls" plays in the background...

As the sun sets over the Pacific, more and more contestants leave empty handed... and one remains.  Jason "Wolf" Hamlin. He's a golf course mechanic, repairing everything from carts to sprinkler systems.  His dad gave him a handmade guitar, so Wolf started playing and singing.

Wolf is doing "Midnight Special" by Creedence, and despite his gruff exterior, Wolf isn't bad.  Creepy Uncle Steven wants to hear something else.  So Wolf pulls out his git-fiddle, and starts in on "Folsom Prison Blues", always a winner.  I kinda like this guy.  He seems just humble enough to like, yet he's got some talent.  Personally, my favorite audition of the night.  Three YES votes sends Wolf on to Hollywood!

In the post-audition interview, he runs his hand over the Idol backdrop and says, "This is why you send a mechanic to Hollywood... to fix the seam!"

And wrapping up San Diego, there are 53 contestants headed to the next round... once again, little bad auditions shown... so, Wednesday, we head to Aspen, Colorado!