FIRST... Blogger has taken a dive.. the formatting is horrible, there are triple spaces all of a sudden, and its a clusterpoop. Plus, pictures cannot be uploaded. Which sucks. So please bear with me as I do my thing...
Welcome to the 2014 Golden Globes! Every year, I like to "live blog" three events--The Golden Globes, the Super Bowl and the Academy Awards... time for jokes, time for recaps, predictions, and so on...
In tow are Campbell Isaiah, wreaking havoc throughout the homeland, be it pulling diapers out of a box and tossing them, or attempting to slap the tv over the Great Wall of Campbell fence we've put up around the room... and The Lovely Steph Leann, on the couch, ready to offer her wisdom, her wit, her incredible insight... like these gems, dished out during the red carpet show:
"Jennifer Lawerence's dress is not good. Its white, but its too dark."
"Paula Patton is not attractive."
"What is Julia Roberts wearing?! That's horrible!" (the interviewer compliments Julia on how great the dress is) "Its not great! It's hideous!"
That's right. All of this and more over the next few hours... if you want to keep up, I'll be putting new updates at the bottom, so you'll need to scroll.
655p... Amy Adams is here. Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with.
655p... I comment about how much taller Tracy Pollen is than her husband, Michael J. Fox. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Its probably due to her heels and his condition."
Thanks for keeping it real. There goes the jokes.
7p... Its the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards! Campbell Isaiah just pooped, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler take the stage for hosting duties! Doody. Ha!!
7p... Tina: Tina & Amy's Lee Daniels' The Butler's Golden Globe Awards!
702p... And here comes the zingers to the stars... the part that people love...
702p... Matt Damon is here, from "Behind the Candelabra", a movie so gay, RuPaul watched it and said, "That's a bit much..."
704p... Tina: The original title of American Hustle was "Explosion at the Wig Factory"... if you have seen that movie, you'll laugh heartily.
705p... Julia Louis-Dreyfus, sucking on a Blu e-cig...
706p... The house just blew up at Tina saying: Gravity... a movie that shows you that George Clooney would rather float into space than spend one more minute than a woman his own age... (camera pans for George, who is obviously not there)
707p... Movies that used prosthetic genitals: Wolf of Wall Street... Saving Mr. Banks... (Tom Hanks laughs uncomfortably with a "what the...?" look on his face)
709... Just a side note, Tina Fey looks better than she ever has at this exact moment. Ravishing.
FIRST AWARD OF THE NIGHT
710P... Sandy Bullock and Tom Hanks come up to give out the first award of the night... Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture... the Golden Globe goes to Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle!!
711p... Jen Lawrence is going to become our Meryl Streep of the next generation. I call it now
713p... Jen Lawrence gives a sweet, nerve filled speech... why is she so nervous? She knew this might happen. A 1 in 5 chance! And now..
713p... Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum for Best Supporting Actress for TV Movie/Series... which features a bunch of chicks in shows I've never seen...
714p... Jacqueline Bisset wins as the Globes go old school... for a movie I've never heard of.
716p... Bisset not only gets lost on stage, but takes several seconds to fight back tears to give her speech... The Lovely Steph Leann: She's gonna make me cry! (and she wipes her eyes)
717p... This is one of those speeches where the conductor says, "Hey... give her a few extra seconds before you play her off..." Especially when the audio goes out, while Bisset uses some choice words... standing ovation from the audience. Band moved beyond slow music, to commercial bumper music
722p... Glad Jennifer Lawrence didn't fall up the steps this year... that would seem somewhat staged
722p... Mark Ruffalo and Naomi Watts are out for Best TV Movie or Mini-Series. In Gay Hollywood, do you think Behind the Candelabra would NOT win?
724p... Its everything Hollywood loves. Two great actors portraying gay men daring to show gay sex on screen.
725p... Good thing is, this is the last award show that Behind will be nominated for... so now I never, ever have to see it. We can put it...behind us.
726p... Elisabeth Moss wins for Best Actress in a Movie or Mini Series in "Top of the Lake", whatever the heck that was... audio goes out as Liz Moss mouths "Oh s***"
728p... Can no one give a speech? Everybody is all nervous... I mean, If I was cast as "pool boy" in "Little Man 2", I would still practice my award speech, on the off chance, just in case...
728p... Matt Damon comes out to introduce "Captain Phillips", which I'm hearing is fantastic...
730p... Do we think the Somali actors will end up like the Mexican crewman at the end of "Bowfinger"?
734p... Its not a party unless the Hollywood Foreign Press President comes out and makes his speech...
736p... Jonah Hill and the hot chick from "The Wolf of Wall Street" come out to introduce their movie, but have a blank stare, because, as Jonah says, "No joke, the teleprompter says Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton... this is not our stuff..."
737p... In other news, Hollywood producers are looking for a new teleprompter operator
738p... Here comes Aaron and Paula (The Lovely Steph Leann: Yep. Her dress is so terrible). Best Actor TV Drama award is up. "Breaking Bad" had a huge final episode that was much loved and watched... so how you could vote against Bryan Cranston
740p... So, I've worked a teleprompter, in loading, operation and scrolling... its not that hard.
741p... Best TV Series Drama...Breaking Bad.
747p... John C. Reilly is narrating a TurboTax commercial. If Morgan Freeman isn't available to narrate my funeral, consider JCR.
748p... Steve Coogan and Philomena Lee... spelling? She's the actual person that the Dame Judy Dench played in "Philomena". Another nominee for Best Picture, Drama.
749p... Usher! Kate Beckensale! Diddy! Best Score in a Motion Picture. "All Is Lost" wins the award, which might be its only trophy tonight...
751p... What you didn't hear: Diddy whispering to the winner "Hey, I'm sampling all your stuff, I refuse to write my own."
753p... Usher, Diddy and Kate for Best Song... can we just say we ALL want Let it Go to win?
754p... Bono is the only one who can beat Let It Go... and I'm still not even sure what movie this is from.
The Lovely Steph Leann: I saw The Edge. I knew they were up for something.
Hearing The Lovely Steph Leann just talking about The Edge makes me laugh.
755p... Mandela + Mandela's death + Bono = Hollywood has to vote for them.
WITHOUT PICTURES, ITS NOT THE SAME... BLOGGER YOU SUCK RIGHT NOW. THANK YOU. END RANT.
802p... Amber Heard, her 9 inch high hair, and two dudes... Best Supporting Actor MiniSeries/Movie/Series... And Jon Voight gets the award for his part in Ray Donovan.
804p... Ray Donovan makes about 4,988 shows mentioned tonight that I've never seen.
804p... Olivia Wilde comes out to present "Her", a nominee for Best Picture Comedy/Musical.
806p... Robert Downey Jr comes on stage.
806p... In unrelated news, The Lovely Steph Leann just started paying even more attention. Best Actress Comedy Musical... Winner?
I LOVE AMY ADAMS I LOVE AMY ADAMS I LOVE AMY ADAMS
Okay, I'm good.
807p... Amy Adams is my Hollywood Girlfriend. We're pretty serious. We double with The Lovely Steph Leann and Colin Firth sometimes.
814p... Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick! Kevin: We were wrangling for someone here we were connected to....
816p... Best Actress TV Drama goes to... Robin Wright, House of Cards!
818p... GASP from The Lovely Steph Leann. I look up. She says, "The tape on Robin's boob was showing!!" Then she gets up to peel Campbell Isaiah from scaling the vacuum cleaner and licking the brush. She's so multi-talented.
819p... Jim Carrey comes out now, probably not to present Kick A** 2. He was actually funnier here than his last four films combined. (his last 4 films: KA2... The Incredible Burt Wonderstone... Mr. Popper's Penguins... A Christmas Carol... I rest my case)
821p... Best Supporting Actor Motion Picture, presented by Christoph Waltz... and Gay Hollywood strikes again, giving it to Jared Leto, for his portrayal of a cross dressing transgender in Dallas Buyers Club.
823p... The Lovely Steph Leann: He was in My So Called Life. That's all I got.
826p... Applebees wants me to not only send pics of myself dancing to their food, but #BeeFamous. Um. No. You are not that cool, Applebees.
827p... Emma Thompson takes the stage... carrying her drink and her shoes... ha! Nominees for Best Screenplay... and the winner is... Spike Jonze for "Her"... and I'm happy about that... that's easily the most original story of the year.
830p... Spike Jonze, the new hubby on the couch in Moneyball, when Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) is visiting his ex (Robin Wright)
831p... Laura Dern is out now to present the film her dad, Bruce, is in, "Nebraska"... its in black and white, and I've heard its unbelievably good, with Will Forte just as good as Bruce Dern.
833p... Julie Bowen and Seth Myers out to give out Best Actor TV Series Comedy/Musical... and winner? I just said "It would be awesome to see Andy Samberg get a Golden Globe..." AND HE DOES
834p... This is Golden Globes way of saying "Suck it Oscar. Give your award to some old guy... Andy Samberg gets our award..."
837p... Muppets Most Wanted just showed one of the best, most timely trailers I've ever seen.
840p... Zoe Saldana and Orlando Bloom. Best Foreign Film. Some movie I've never heard of, will never see and will forget about as soon as this show is over just won.
843p... Banter between Tina Fey, Amy and Julia Louis-Dreyfus is very funny...
845p... Jimmy Fallon and Melissa McCarthy out, being funny... Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini Series.
846p... Michael Douglas, for Behind the Candelabra. Gay always wins.
852p... Chris Pine and Hermione Granger... Let's give this to Frozen and be done with it. The winner is? Frozen. As it should be.
854p... Colin Farrell comes out, and could be drunk. Actually, I'm shocked that he's not. Here's "Inside Llewyn Davis"
855p... Best Actress TV Series Comedy... They show Lena Dunham. She is dressed. I'm shocked again. Winner? Amy Poehler for Parks & Rec... and she makes out with Bono before she hits the stage.
858p... My friend Mikey would have done the same thing
902p... Emma Stone, who has a huge range of "Not so much" to "Ohmahgah she's beautiful"... thankfully, its the latter tonight.
903p... Woody Allen gets the Cecil B. DeMille Award for Being A Famous Guy. I've never been a Woody Allen fan. Time to give Campbell Isaiah a bath.
912p... If you are too pompous to show up for an award because you think they are silly or you are too good for them, then you don't get an award. Woody Allen is a wanker.
915p... Liam Neeson is out... "I have a special set of skills that allows me to present Gravity..."
916p... Ben Affleck is out now for Best Director... a tough year, too... winner is.... Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity... probably a make-do for not winning it for Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban
917p... Tina Fey digs on Michael Bay, then invites Uma Thurman and Chris Evans out for Best TV Series Comedy... Brooklyn Nine Nine, the Andy Samberg led series. Never seen it, but I like this award!
924p... Commercial now for "Chicago PD", a new show on ABC.... a character just uttered the line "we do things my way..." At least they are original.
926p... Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actor in Comedy/Musical... and the winner is Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street... wow. WOW. Did not see that coming... and now it makes me wonder what his Oscar chances will look like from here on out...
929p... Reese Witherspoon comes out to present "12 Years a Slave". I'm afraid to make any jokes here.
BLOGGER YOU STILL SUCK JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT BLOGGER MORE LIKE... SLOGGER HAHA END RANT
935p... Chris Hemworth, AKA, Thor, and an old guy who drove cars in races come out, obviously to introduce "Rush", which is strange to me, because the Hollywood Foreign Press might be the only people who actually liked "Rush"
936p... Or have actually seen more than a few minutes of "Brooklyn Nine Nine"
937p... Drew Barrymore, my first "favorite bad girl" from the early 90s... she's here to hand out Beset Musical/Comedy... If American Hustle or Her took this, I wouldn't be sad... though I vote for the former, as it would have a better shot at winning the Oscar...
938p... American Hustle! Hustle! HUSTLE!
938p... Is this the first Best Picture for Comedy or Musical winner that is neither a Comedy or a Musical?
944p... Why can't Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just give out all the awards... and the screen just went black? Did someone do something bad when Leo DiCaprio came out?
945p... Best Actress Movie Drama... the winner is... Cate Blanchett for "Blue Jasmine"... its a Woody Allen film, but I've heard its one of his best in decades...
946p... When Tina Fey made that joke about a supermodel's vajayjay, did it break NBC? Did anyone else see that?
948p... Jessica Chastain comes out... perhaps the most beautiful looking of the night (besides Amy Adams, natch)... Best Actor Movie Drama
949p... Matthew McConaughy gets the award for Dallas Buyers Club! Dave Wooderson got a Golden Globe!!
956p... The star of "Transcendence"! Johnny Depp! (not the star of The Lone Ranger, huh?) Best Motion Picture Drama... and the winner is... not Johnny Depp, who looks like he Does.not.want.to.be.there...
957p... 12 Years a Slave wins the award for Best Picture. Not seen it, but I do want to. It strikes me as the kind of movie that I'll see once and never again. Like Passion of the Christ, or Blackhawk Down or Friday After Next. Just too powerful to get through twice.
10p... Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Scarlett Johanssen as Samantha in Her should just be hosts for everything.
10p... And, that's all she wrote... thanks to everyone who paid attention, who checked back, and who kept reading... onto the Oscars!
(ps.. I will totally fix this formatting later...)
(11,335 words so far... 8,665 words left for #20KWordsinJan)
Showing posts with label Emma Stone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emma Stone. Show all posts
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Sunday, March 17, 2013
another dozen movie dash
Back in October, I did a "Dozen Movie Dash", where I gave quick reviews on 12 films that I had seen recently. Its been a while since I gave any sort of real movie review, so I thought I'd bounce back with Another Dozen Movie Dash... ready? Here we go...
"GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE"
This movie is terrible. With Nic Cage starring as Marvel anti-hero Johnny Blaze, who, with a deal from the devil in the first movie (just called "Ghost Rider"), turns into a flame headed, fire cycle riding crazy monster guy who feeds off of the souls of bad people, this movie isn't nearly as good as the first one. And the first one was pretty bad. As a matter of fact, I'm still watching this film, and I can already tell you, this movie is awful.
"CABIN IN THE WOODS"
A horror slasher film for the modern day "been there/done that" horror film society. Five college students head out to a cabin... located in the woods, conveniently enough... belonging to a relative of one of the teens. From there, they get picked off one by one, which isn't a spoiler because you would expect that from a movie like this.
Its the way it happens, and the why that is intriguing. Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins appear almost randomly, it seems, setting up a system of games and death for our heroes that is unexpected... and fun. If you like suspense and scary type of films, but want something different, then check this flick out. There is a needless boobie scene in the middle, and lots of language... plus slasher violence, so get ready for that.
"JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME"
Jeff, played by Jason Segel, does in fact, live at home. In his mom's basement. And he's in his mid 30s. He spends his days watching TV--notably, repeated viewings of his favorite film, the Mel Gibson starring and M. Night. Shamallama directed "Signs"... and he also spends an inordinate amount of time looking around the room, the neighborhood and the universe for "signs" to tell him why he is here, and what is fate is. After getting a phone call for someone named Kevin, he takes this onto himself to discover what the universe is telling him. On the other side of the story is his older brother, Pat (Ed Helms), a different kind of loser, but a loser still, is in a failing marriage to wife Linda (Judy Greer) due to his laziness and apathy. Both Pat and Jeff are also dealing with their mom (Susan Sarandon), who is dealing with her own little issues.
Expecting a comedy, I was quite surprised when I discovered it was more of a drama... a dramedy, if you will. And, I was also quite surprised how much I enjoyed this film... it all rests on the charm of Jason Segel, who I'm a fan of, and his portrayal of good guy, if not deeply flawed, Jeff. I think Ed Helms is usually dependable and funny, and I really love Judy Greer (also in "13 Going on 30" and "Love and Other Drugs") in the way I love Marisa Tomei and Emma Stone, that is, I'll watch whatever they are in. There is a lot of language, but thankfully, no dirty scenes... the cast brings this together and makes it work.
"THATS MY BOY"
Ok, so this is Adam Sandler's 2012 entry into his catalog of crap (see also "Little Nicky". And "Mr. Deeds". And "Jack & Jill". And that "Zohan" movie. Better yet, don't see any of those movies). The story goes that back in the day, a teenage Donny had an improper relationship with his teacher, Ms McGarricle, and ended up fathering a son named Todd. And due to Ms. McGarricle's incarceration, Donny, 13, gains custody of his son. And when Todd gets older and is getting married, having told everyone that his parents are dead, here comes daddy Donny--Adam Sandler.
This film is not good. It has its funny moments every now and again, and the addition of Vanilla Ice as a major character, playing a parody (though its probably close to real life) of himself, is a major plus. Maybe more films should have Vanilla Ice in them.
I would totally watch Ghost Vanilla: Spirit of Ice, probably with more gusto and enthusiasm than what's on now.
Anyway, "That's My Boy" has way too much language, and F-bombs everywhere. The material is very suggestive, the jokes are very raunchy, and really, its just all around bad. Maybe wait a bit, catch the somewhat edited version on Spike TV or USANetwork in 2014.
"PROJECT X"
Don't watch this movie. Its a "found footage film" about a party that gets way out of control... and I got through the first 10 minutes of it and couldn't deal with it. Three teenagers who use the F-Bomb, and much worse, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and it's crap. If I want that language from teenagers, I'll watch "Superbad". At least its entertaining.
"HERE COMES THE BOOM"
DO watch this movie. Seriously. This movie is fantastic. Well, I say that being a Kevin James fan... yes, he's kinda dopey, and yes, his movies won't win any awards ("Zookeeper"? Its awful. But awesome. And I love it), but this is a delightfully fun story.
Kevin James is Scott Voss, a high school teacher who is kinda just getting by... but gets a new fire when he finds out that his friend Marty (Henry Winkler) is going to lose his job when the school district cuts out the music program in the school. So, Scott does what any hard working joe would do when needing to earn $48,000... he turns to MMA fighting.
And yes, things turn out exactly like you'd think. Its a silly premise, but Kevin James' charm makes this movie happen. Its completely family friendly... I'm sure there is a bit of language in it, but I don't remember it at all. No sex, and only boxing style violence. Loved it.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: It was cute. I liked "Zookeeper" better, if we're ranking Kevin James movies, but it was cute.
"FLIGHT"
Talk about your downer. This is not one to watch when looking for a comedy or something to lighten the mood. Not. At. All.
For starters, Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) is an alcoholic. He's also a pilot, and the movie is a snapshot of his life over a few weeks following the opening of the film... when he pilots a jet airliner stoned and drunk out of his mind. And in a well shot, harrowing opening sequence, he lands the plane in a field, becoming a hero to America... until they find out he was high and stoned. Did this cause the plane crash in the first place? And does it matter if it did?
Denzel does what he does... takes the role, makes it his, makes it believable, and makes it awesome. That being said, this is in no way a family film... or a nice film... or an easy film to watch. Its got language, its got tons of drug use, some boobies right off the bat, and a depressing downward spiral of a man who seems like a good man. A good man doing very bad things.
Verdict? If you can handle it, its definitely worth a watch, just once. I'll probably never see it again.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Pretty good, but not something I want to watch again.
SIDEBAR: "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" just ended. Frankly, I wanted all of them to die in a fiery inferno. It never got better, just worse.
"THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER"
Some films you go into knowing you're going to like it... and if you don't, its a bigger disappointment than if you "thought it would be better". This is one of these films that I knew I was going to like. And thankfully, I wasn't disappointed.
Charlie (Logan Leman) is your typical high school loner... he's a freshman, and on his first day of 9th grade, he only makes a single connection: his English teacher (the always awesome Paul Rudd). He meets two high school seniors, Sam (Hermione Granger) and her step-brother Patrick (Ezra Miller)... and from there, its a high school movie. Romance, conflict, bullying, forbidden love, betrayal and so on.
Though this has all of the aforementioned high school movie characteristics, its also fun. And its got heart. Charlie and Sam have an instant connection, and you want them to be together, despite the freshman/senior difference, and though you may not agree with Patrick, you still feel for him and what he ends up going through. Mostly, its about friendship. And its also awesome to see Emma Watson in something that doesn't involve magic wands and a shouted "stupify!" spell.
Rated PG-13, it does have a few things that are for teens and up, so I probably wouldn't let Campbell watch it.. but its cute and quirky, and I loved it.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I really liked it.
"LINCOLN"
This was movie that I should love... but wasn't sure if I would.
Much heralded, highly anticipated, Daniel Day-Lewis personifies the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. The film covers the final four months of Lincoln's life, as he is desperately trying to get the 13th Amendment ratified... the one that bans slavery and involuntary servitude.
The all star cast includes Tommy Lee Jones as Thaddeus Stevens, a fierce abolitionist... Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln, Abe's wife who turns out is a bit batty... JoGo Levitt as Robert Lincoln, the eldest son... Jackie Earle Haley as Confederate VP Alexander Stephens... and in a part that could have easily been nominated for Best Supporting Actor, David Strathairn as Sec of State William Seward... and what seemed like a billion bit parts for various congressmen, soldiers and so on.
Also among the cast, James Spader as Republican operative William Bilbo, one who is given a task of rallying support for the 13th Amendment. Spader is very recognizable, but its such a juicy role, a part that I don't think he's had in a long, long time.
Its definitely a talkie.. a lot of talking. A lot of talking. A lot. So, don't go into it sleepy, as you will lose yourself amongst the chatter of slavery and freedom and government and war. Even Danny D-Lewis' immaculate performance as Lincoln becomes secondary to the story after a while. Highly recommended, minimal language, and historical war violence.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I really liked it. Alot.
"MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION"
Oy.
Yeah, somehow I ended up watching this with The Lovely Steph Leann. Amusing at times, but silly. And stupid.
Oy.
The Lovely Steph Leann: (when asked, she laughed). Um... it was okay. I liked "Here Comes the Boom" better.
"THE TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE"
An aging baseball scout (Clint Eastwood) has been told by the Atlanta Braves, who he's been with for forever, that he's just not cutting it in this modern day society of technology and so on. So, Gus is given one last assignment by his boss (the underappreciated John Goodman), but also asks Gus' daughter Mickey (Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with) to join him to keep him straight. They scout a prospect in North Carolina, meet a young rival scout, played by Justin Timberlake, who also becomes interested in Mickey, and also has to fight off Braves executive Phillip Sanderson (Matthew Lillard, who is becoming pretty good at playing the sleaze) who wants Gus' job.
That's the movie. And its pretty good. Slow at times, but the story in engaging, and having a grizzly Eastwood, a really good Timberlake and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, on screen doesn't hurt. PG-13 for language.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I liked this movie.
"PITCH PERFECT"
Yes, yes, this seems like Glee-Lite. Or Glee: The Non Concert Yet Still Musical Movie. It does seem like that. Don't be fooled... this movie is wonderful. An absolute delight of a film.
I love Anna Kendrick, which was the main reason for watching this film, and it made me happy that it was such a good movie. Kendrick is Beca, a student who is forced to go to college by her father, and ends up taking an internship at the college radio station. She ends up joining The Bellas, an all girl acapella group, who through much strife and drama (all girls, remember?), make it to the regional competition, taking on other groups like The Treblemakers, High Notes and my favorite name, Pitch Slapped.
Its quirky, its fun, co-star Rebel Wilson steals every scene she's in, and in a subtle shot at Glee, one of the categories of songs during a competition includes "Songs that Glee Ruined".
Some language gives it the PG-13 rating. Its one of those rare movies that I liked the more I thought about it, and am looking forward to watching it again.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I LOVED THIS MOVIE... this movie was freakin' awesome.
"PREMIUM RUSH"
So what happens when a bike messenger in New York City gets a package who's contents are so valuable, someone is trying to kill the messenger to get it? Thus is the question answered in "Premium Rush", this came-and-went-at-theaters little movie that feature JoGo Levitt, That Guy Michael Shannon and a few others that you might recognize, but won't remember their names.
Taking place in the span of 90 minutes, its this adrenaline rush of a film that takes place all over Manhattan, featuring chase scenes with bikes and cop cars and lots of action, even if the plot is a little predictable and unbelievable.
This is much like the Denzel film "Unstoppable"... its enjoyable from start to finish, and I liked the heck out of this movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fun, Michael Shannon is a perfect creep, and the supporting cast is likable enough to keep the film going. Again, the plot is a bit far fetched, especially when you actually learn the contents of the bag, but still... check it out. PG-13 for language.
And finally... here's a few bonus quick reviews:
"DREDD"... Great action flick. A billion times better than that Sly Stallone crap from the 90s. Violent, language, but well shot and lots of fun.
"AMERICAN REUNION"... The fourth in the American Pie series, and perhaps the best since the first one. The entire cast is back, and though its more of the same, its fun watching the characters try and act like adults for once. Rated R for lots of bad things, like the first one.
"WANDERLUST"... I wanted to like this movie alot, with Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston, as a couple who ends up in a strange commune in Georgia. Mildly funny, but it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Eh.
"BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD"... Really? Nominated for Best Picture? If I had stumbled across this quirky little flick on Netflix, I might have thought "well, that was kinda fun". But because its so ballyhooed and beloved by critics, I didn't expect it to be so... well, blah. Personally, I think it was acclaimed for only a few reasons: New Orleans. Post-hurricane. Poverty. Skip it.
"PIRANHA DD"... Run. Run from this movie. If someone holds a gun to your head, then take the bullet and hope for the best. Just sayin'.
So there ya go. Hope you enjoyed our little dash through recent filmdom. I tried to warn you what to expect in terms of language and boobage and the like, so please watch with caution. And yes, I watch a ton of movies. Don't hate.
"GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE"
This movie is terrible. With Nic Cage starring as Marvel anti-hero Johnny Blaze, who, with a deal from the devil in the first movie (just called "Ghost Rider"), turns into a flame headed, fire cycle riding crazy monster guy who feeds off of the souls of bad people, this movie isn't nearly as good as the first one. And the first one was pretty bad. As a matter of fact, I'm still watching this film, and I can already tell you, this movie is awful.
 |
| When these three show up, you know its going to be a little different than most horror/slasher flicks |
A horror slasher film for the modern day "been there/done that" horror film society. Five college students head out to a cabin... located in the woods, conveniently enough... belonging to a relative of one of the teens. From there, they get picked off one by one, which isn't a spoiler because you would expect that from a movie like this.
Its the way it happens, and the why that is intriguing. Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins appear almost randomly, it seems, setting up a system of games and death for our heroes that is unexpected... and fun. If you like suspense and scary type of films, but want something different, then check this flick out. There is a needless boobie scene in the middle, and lots of language... plus slasher violence, so get ready for that.
"JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME"
Jeff, played by Jason Segel, does in fact, live at home. In his mom's basement. And he's in his mid 30s. He spends his days watching TV--notably, repeated viewings of his favorite film, the Mel Gibson starring and M. Night. Shamallama directed "Signs"... and he also spends an inordinate amount of time looking around the room, the neighborhood and the universe for "signs" to tell him why he is here, and what is fate is. After getting a phone call for someone named Kevin, he takes this onto himself to discover what the universe is telling him. On the other side of the story is his older brother, Pat (Ed Helms), a different kind of loser, but a loser still, is in a failing marriage to wife Linda (Judy Greer) due to his laziness and apathy. Both Pat and Jeff are also dealing with their mom (Susan Sarandon), who is dealing with her own little issues.
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| Jeff and Pat, in an important meeting about life. |
"THATS MY BOY"
Ok, so this is Adam Sandler's 2012 entry into his catalog of crap (see also "Little Nicky". And "Mr. Deeds". And "Jack & Jill". And that "Zohan" movie. Better yet, don't see any of those movies). The story goes that back in the day, a teenage Donny had an improper relationship with his teacher, Ms McGarricle, and ended up fathering a son named Todd. And due to Ms. McGarricle's incarceration, Donny, 13, gains custody of his son. And when Todd gets older and is getting married, having told everyone that his parents are dead, here comes daddy Donny--Adam Sandler.
This film is not good. It has its funny moments every now and again, and the addition of Vanilla Ice as a major character, playing a parody (though its probably close to real life) of himself, is a major plus. Maybe more films should have Vanilla Ice in them.
I would totally watch Ghost Vanilla: Spirit of Ice, probably with more gusto and enthusiasm than what's on now.
Anyway, "That's My Boy" has way too much language, and F-bombs everywhere. The material is very suggestive, the jokes are very raunchy, and really, its just all around bad. Maybe wait a bit, catch the somewhat edited version on Spike TV or USANetwork in 2014.
"PROJECT X"
Don't watch this movie. Its a "found footage film" about a party that gets way out of control... and I got through the first 10 minutes of it and couldn't deal with it. Three teenagers who use the F-Bomb, and much worse, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and it's crap. If I want that language from teenagers, I'll watch "Superbad". At least its entertaining.
"HERE COMES THE BOOM"
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| If you can get past Kevin James as an MMA fighter, than you might get a kick out of this film. |
Kevin James is Scott Voss, a high school teacher who is kinda just getting by... but gets a new fire when he finds out that his friend Marty (Henry Winkler) is going to lose his job when the school district cuts out the music program in the school. So, Scott does what any hard working joe would do when needing to earn $48,000... he turns to MMA fighting.
And yes, things turn out exactly like you'd think. Its a silly premise, but Kevin James' charm makes this movie happen. Its completely family friendly... I'm sure there is a bit of language in it, but I don't remember it at all. No sex, and only boxing style violence. Loved it.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: It was cute. I liked "Zookeeper" better, if we're ranking Kevin James movies, but it was cute.
"FLIGHT"
Talk about your downer. This is not one to watch when looking for a comedy or something to lighten the mood. Not. At. All.
For starters, Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) is an alcoholic. He's also a pilot, and the movie is a snapshot of his life over a few weeks following the opening of the film... when he pilots a jet airliner stoned and drunk out of his mind. And in a well shot, harrowing opening sequence, he lands the plane in a field, becoming a hero to America... until they find out he was high and stoned. Did this cause the plane crash in the first place? And does it matter if it did?
Denzel does what he does... takes the role, makes it his, makes it believable, and makes it awesome. That being said, this is in no way a family film... or a nice film... or an easy film to watch. Its got language, its got tons of drug use, some boobies right off the bat, and a depressing downward spiral of a man who seems like a good man. A good man doing very bad things.
Verdict? If you can handle it, its definitely worth a watch, just once. I'll probably never see it again.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Pretty good, but not something I want to watch again.
SIDEBAR: "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" just ended. Frankly, I wanted all of them to die in a fiery inferno. It never got better, just worse.
"THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER"
Some films you go into knowing you're going to like it... and if you don't, its a bigger disappointment than if you "thought it would be better". This is one of these films that I knew I was going to like. And thankfully, I wasn't disappointed.
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| You just can't help but like Sam |
Though this has all of the aforementioned high school movie characteristics, its also fun. And its got heart. Charlie and Sam have an instant connection, and you want them to be together, despite the freshman/senior difference, and though you may not agree with Patrick, you still feel for him and what he ends up going through. Mostly, its about friendship. And its also awesome to see Emma Watson in something that doesn't involve magic wands and a shouted "stupify!" spell.
Rated PG-13, it does have a few things that are for teens and up, so I probably wouldn't let Campbell watch it.. but its cute and quirky, and I loved it.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I really liked it.
"LINCOLN"
This was movie that I should love... but wasn't sure if I would.
Much heralded, highly anticipated, Daniel Day-Lewis personifies the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. The film covers the final four months of Lincoln's life, as he is desperately trying to get the 13th Amendment ratified... the one that bans slavery and involuntary servitude.
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| Lincoln did well in theaters. Typically, Lincoln's outcome in theaters has not been very good. |
Also among the cast, James Spader as Republican operative William Bilbo, one who is given a task of rallying support for the 13th Amendment. Spader is very recognizable, but its such a juicy role, a part that I don't think he's had in a long, long time.
Its definitely a talkie.. a lot of talking. A lot of talking. A lot. So, don't go into it sleepy, as you will lose yourself amongst the chatter of slavery and freedom and government and war. Even Danny D-Lewis' immaculate performance as Lincoln becomes secondary to the story after a while. Highly recommended, minimal language, and historical war violence.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I really liked it. Alot.
"MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION"
Oy.
Yeah, somehow I ended up watching this with The Lovely Steph Leann. Amusing at times, but silly. And stupid.
Oy.
The Lovely Steph Leann: (when asked, she laughed). Um... it was okay. I liked "Here Comes the Boom" better.
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| Oh look... another picture of Amy Adams. Go figure. |
An aging baseball scout (Clint Eastwood) has been told by the Atlanta Braves, who he's been with for forever, that he's just not cutting it in this modern day society of technology and so on. So, Gus is given one last assignment by his boss (the underappreciated John Goodman), but also asks Gus' daughter Mickey (Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with) to join him to keep him straight. They scout a prospect in North Carolina, meet a young rival scout, played by Justin Timberlake, who also becomes interested in Mickey, and also has to fight off Braves executive Phillip Sanderson (Matthew Lillard, who is becoming pretty good at playing the sleaze) who wants Gus' job.
That's the movie. And its pretty good. Slow at times, but the story in engaging, and having a grizzly Eastwood, a really good Timberlake and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, on screen doesn't hurt. PG-13 for language.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I liked this movie.
"PITCH PERFECT"
Yes, yes, this seems like Glee-Lite. Or Glee: The Non Concert Yet Still Musical Movie. It does seem like that. Don't be fooled... this movie is wonderful. An absolute delight of a film.
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| Anna Kendrick (r) and Rebel Wilson (l). Rebel plays "Fat Amy". Just the name itself is hilarious. |
Its quirky, its fun, co-star Rebel Wilson steals every scene she's in, and in a subtle shot at Glee, one of the categories of songs during a competition includes "Songs that Glee Ruined".
Some language gives it the PG-13 rating. Its one of those rare movies that I liked the more I thought about it, and am looking forward to watching it again.
The Lovely Steph Leann sez: I LOVED THIS MOVIE... this movie was freakin' awesome.
"PREMIUM RUSH"
So what happens when a bike messenger in New York City gets a package who's contents are so valuable, someone is trying to kill the messenger to get it? Thus is the question answered in "Premium Rush", this came-and-went-at-theaters little movie that feature JoGo Levitt, That Guy Michael Shannon and a few others that you might recognize, but won't remember their names.
Taking place in the span of 90 minutes, its this adrenaline rush of a film that takes place all over Manhattan, featuring chase scenes with bikes and cop cars and lots of action, even if the plot is a little predictable and unbelievable.
This is much like the Denzel film "Unstoppable"... its enjoyable from start to finish, and I liked the heck out of this movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fun, Michael Shannon is a perfect creep, and the supporting cast is likable enough to keep the film going. Again, the plot is a bit far fetched, especially when you actually learn the contents of the bag, but still... check it out. PG-13 for language.
And finally... here's a few bonus quick reviews:
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| Why yes, Karl Urban does have this scowl during the entire movie. And that's part of its awesomocity. |
"AMERICAN REUNION"... The fourth in the American Pie series, and perhaps the best since the first one. The entire cast is back, and though its more of the same, its fun watching the characters try and act like adults for once. Rated R for lots of bad things, like the first one.
"WANDERLUST"... I wanted to like this movie alot, with Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston, as a couple who ends up in a strange commune in Georgia. Mildly funny, but it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Eh.
"BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD"... Really? Nominated for Best Picture? If I had stumbled across this quirky little flick on Netflix, I might have thought "well, that was kinda fun". But because its so ballyhooed and beloved by critics, I didn't expect it to be so... well, blah. Personally, I think it was acclaimed for only a few reasons: New Orleans. Post-hurricane. Poverty. Skip it.
"PIRANHA DD"... Run. Run from this movie. If someone holds a gun to your head, then take the bullet and hope for the best. Just sayin'.
So there ya go. Hope you enjoyed our little dash through recent filmdom. I tried to warn you what to expect in terms of language and boobage and the like, so please watch with caution. And yes, I watch a ton of movies. Don't hate.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
the 100 coolest things of 2011... 40 to 11
What's this... two posts in two days? Its like... its like... its like we are going back to the old days of the blog... frequent postings.. lots of randomness... sometimes funny... okay, maybe never funny, but at least the attempt is there...
How about more of 2011...
40... The Wild Africa Trek... Pay some money, go backstage at Animal Kingdom, find yourself hiking through the backwoods, crossing rickety rope bridges, then harnessed in and hanging over crocodile pools and hippo pools.
39... Panera Mac & Cheese... Bar none, best macaroni and cheese you will find at any restaurant. Great stuff.
38... "Winnie the Pooh"... this is how Winnie the Pooh should be. Director John Lassiter said that Pooh belonged to all of us, not just the toddler audience that Disney had put Pooh and the gang into. Great film, great laughs, animation is wonderful and its a twinge of nostalgia.
37... The Epcot Pin Event... Our first and only pin event, located at Epcot, with pin boards and books and trading and special access to special pins and so on. Its pretty intense.
36... Cracked.com... one of the best humor sites you'll find online.
35... The Stampers... our friends David and Carlie Stamper. We love these guys, and they are great people.
34... "Onward" by Howard Schultz... Written by the CEO of Starbucks, its the account of the last six or seven years of the company, where Starbucks was, and where the company is going, especially after all the store closings in 2008. I like the book for the fact that Schultz doesn't pull any punches, and doesn't blame anyone else but himself and the team for the downfalls... and credit goes to the same team for the revival.
33... The Celebrity Apprentice... What a train wreck this show is, always.
32... The Epcot Segway Tour... There aren't many ways to better spend a crisp, cool February morning than riding around Epcot's World Pavilion for two hours on a segway.
31... "Real Steel"... Wasn't sure I wanted to see this movie at all, as it looked like a big screen version of Rock'em Sock'em Robots... yet, this turned out to be one of the most heartfelt movies I'd seen in a while. Yes, there are fighting robots in this film, but that takes a backseat to what the real plotline is, that being the relationship between a father (Colin Firth Club member Hugh Jackman) and a son (Dakota Goyo) and their reconciliation over those same fighting robots... including an old relic named Atom.
30... The Adjustment Bureau... A pretty good movie that I really enjoyed for the mere fact that I was able to write this article...
29... "The War for Late Night" by Bill Carter... What a great book. It recaps the crazy year or so when NBC brought in Conan O'Brien to take Jay Leno's place on The Tonight Show... then how NBC brought Jay back in prime time, ruined Conan's Tonight Show ratings, fired Conan, then brought Jay back to The Tonight Show, all while Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and others watched from the sidelines. Well written, and showing a side of all the main players that you wouldn't expect, including Jay Leno's tendency to be a... well, a jerk. Who'da thunk it?
28... The Rock Returns... Yes, I watch WWE, and yes, I wigged out when The Rock made his fateful return after being gone for years. Yes, I can smell what the Rock. Is cooking.
27.. "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol... Perhaps the best Mission Impossible film since the first one--its fun, its exciting and its well done. Complete review here.
26... Hoarders... What the what? Have you seen this show? Its insane. People are pack rats to the ultimate extreme... dolls... toys... clothes... cars... dead animals... all found in the midst, and within--sometimes under--tons of possessions. Yet, the show is addicting, its mesmerizing, and at the least, it makes you realize that your house isn't all that bad. Or, it makes you realize that maybe your house is headed that direction.
25... Rob Murray... we miss you, my friend.
24... 11/22/1963... Sometimes Stephen King throws you for a loop. Instead of a vampire infested town, or a rabid, maniacal dog, what if the story itself was a random diner that had a portal, a time portal, that took you back to 1958? And what if you could stop the JFK assassination from happening? All questions answered, at least from one perspective, in this novel that I finished in days... starts a little slow, but keeps you coming back over and over.
23... Triple H vs The Undertaker... Brilliant match between two WWE legends. Should have highlighted WrestleMania.
22... "Crazy Stupid Love"... Every year, there is one movie that I didn't expect to love and I end up adoring... last year, it was "Easy A". This year, its "Crazy Stupid Love". Starring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, and a 1-2-3 punch of Julianne Moore, Marisa Tomei and Emma Stone, its smart and funny, and unlike some of the other films on this list, I've watched this over and over on cable. Meaning, the re-watchability of this film is very high.
21... Tim Tebow... Tebow! Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow (tebow, tebow... tebow) Tebow Tebow...
TEBOW: Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow
Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow. Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow!
20... The Billy Joel Collection... Visiting 2nd and Charles, a local used book and CD shop, my Billy Joel Collection was expanded considerably... for about 25 bucks, I added, among others, "52nd Street", "The Bridge", "Turnstiles", "Songs in the Attic", "Glass Houses", "Storm Front", "River of Dreams" and "An Innocent Man"... that's a lot of Billy Joel, and that's really cool.
19... Pastor Calvin... After close to 30 years at Valleydale Baptist Church turned Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), Pastor Calvin Kelly decided to step down. Oh, there was some silly little something, and I say "silly" and I mean "silly", lest you think I'm being sarcastic, but either way, he is a good man, a good Christ Follower and I'm proud of him for following where God leads him and his family.
18... Disneyland... 2 free park tickets + 2 free airline tickets + Marriott Rewards Free Hotel Stay = a trip to Anaheim to visit Disneyland Park and California Adventure. Now, there isn't enough time to go into all of the trip, but one of our favorite attractions was...
17... The Wonderful World of Color... A water based show on the lagoon at California Adventure, its full of light, color and imagination, and its just cool.
16... The New Star Tours... So, when I was in Disneyland, I read on Twitter that they were doing testing for the brand new Star Tours--remember, this is May 2011--so I kept checking for when I might be able to get in. Finally, I saw they were accepting "Annual Passholders", and being such, I hoped to get to ride it... of course, I was a Walt Disney World passholder, not a Disneyland Passholder, there is a difference.
The Lovely Steph Leann, only 3 or 4 months pregnant at that time, was unable to ride then... so I went alone, and made it to the Star Tours attraction. Of course, my WDW Pass wouldn't get me in, but I noticed a Cast Member working with another gentleman's fast passes... I asked him if there was any way I could get to ride, and he nodded and said, "Come with me". So he escorted the other gentleman and myself past the long, winding line and straight to the entrance of the building... and it was awesome. The ride was awesome.
15... "I Can't Even Walk (Without You Holding My Hand)" by Justin Fisher... My boy JustFish is a story teller. Some of his stories are a bit long winded, some are right on the money, most are hilarious, all are sincere. This is a book of stories, one after another, about his struggle and life with cerebral palsy, and the blessings God has given him through such a handicap. He's just a good dude.
14... The Muppets Soundtrack... its the awesome music to the awesome movie called...
13... "The Muppets"... What an awesome film. I mean, straight up fantastic. Of course, this is someone who grew up on the Muppets, has the series on DVD, has all the movies on DVD (except for "Muppet Treasure Island"... I just can't get into that one) and have loved Kermit & the gang for years. Plus, toss in Jason Segel, and Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) and you've got a great movie on your hands. Even the bizarre rap song by Chris Cooper somehow works in this film. Sort of.
12... October Disney... went in October. Loved it. (the trip was over a year ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the specifics of this trip...)
11... "Walt Disney" by Neal Gabler... This book is a behemoth... and its filled with dates and names and times and things that are very detailed about the life, both personal and professional, of Walt Disney, creator of Mickey Mouse and those Magic Kingdoms that bear his name. If you want a light telling of his life, this is not the book for you. But if you want the details, the minutiae, the backstories behind the stories, then pick this one up. I loved every page, and look forward to reading it again.
And for your weekend... finally... The Top Ten Coolest Things of 2011... you don't want to miss it as we wrap up then, and start working on just now...
How about more of 2011...
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| The Lovely Steph Leann crossing one of the bridges. While I shook it. |
39... Panera Mac & Cheese... Bar none, best macaroni and cheese you will find at any restaurant. Great stuff.
38... "Winnie the Pooh"... this is how Winnie the Pooh should be. Director John Lassiter said that Pooh belonged to all of us, not just the toddler audience that Disney had put Pooh and the gang into. Great film, great laughs, animation is wonderful and its a twinge of nostalgia.
37... The Epcot Pin Event... Our first and only pin event, located at Epcot, with pin boards and books and trading and special access to special pins and so on. Its pretty intense.
36... Cracked.com... one of the best humor sites you'll find online.
35... The Stampers... our friends David and Carlie Stamper. We love these guys, and they are great people.
34... "Onward" by Howard Schultz... Written by the CEO of Starbucks, its the account of the last six or seven years of the company, where Starbucks was, and where the company is going, especially after all the store closings in 2008. I like the book for the fact that Schultz doesn't pull any punches, and doesn't blame anyone else but himself and the team for the downfalls... and credit goes to the same team for the revival.
33... The Celebrity Apprentice... What a train wreck this show is, always.
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| Us and our segways, in the Italy Pavilion |
31... "Real Steel"... Wasn't sure I wanted to see this movie at all, as it looked like a big screen version of Rock'em Sock'em Robots... yet, this turned out to be one of the most heartfelt movies I'd seen in a while. Yes, there are fighting robots in this film, but that takes a backseat to what the real plotline is, that being the relationship between a father (Colin Firth Club member Hugh Jackman) and a son (Dakota Goyo) and their reconciliation over those same fighting robots... including an old relic named Atom.
30... The Adjustment Bureau... A pretty good movie that I really enjoyed for the mere fact that I was able to write this article...
29... "The War for Late Night" by Bill Carter... What a great book. It recaps the crazy year or so when NBC brought in Conan O'Brien to take Jay Leno's place on The Tonight Show... then how NBC brought Jay back in prime time, ruined Conan's Tonight Show ratings, fired Conan, then brought Jay back to The Tonight Show, all while Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and others watched from the sidelines. Well written, and showing a side of all the main players that you wouldn't expect, including Jay Leno's tendency to be a... well, a jerk. Who'da thunk it?
28... The Rock Returns... Yes, I watch WWE, and yes, I wigged out when The Rock made his fateful return after being gone for years. Yes, I can smell what the Rock. Is cooking.
27.. "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol... Perhaps the best Mission Impossible film since the first one--its fun, its exciting and its well done. Complete review here.
26... Hoarders... What the what? Have you seen this show? Its insane. People are pack rats to the ultimate extreme... dolls... toys... clothes... cars... dead animals... all found in the midst, and within--sometimes under--tons of possessions. Yet, the show is addicting, its mesmerizing, and at the least, it makes you realize that your house isn't all that bad. Or, it makes you realize that maybe your house is headed that direction.
25... Rob Murray... we miss you, my friend.
24... 11/22/1963... Sometimes Stephen King throws you for a loop. Instead of a vampire infested town, or a rabid, maniacal dog, what if the story itself was a random diner that had a portal, a time portal, that took you back to 1958? And what if you could stop the JFK assassination from happening? All questions answered, at least from one perspective, in this novel that I finished in days... starts a little slow, but keeps you coming back over and over.
23... Triple H vs The Undertaker... Brilliant match between two WWE legends. Should have highlighted WrestleMania.
22... "Crazy Stupid Love"... Every year, there is one movie that I didn't expect to love and I end up adoring... last year, it was "Easy A". This year, its "Crazy Stupid Love". Starring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, and a 1-2-3 punch of Julianne Moore, Marisa Tomei and Emma Stone, its smart and funny, and unlike some of the other films on this list, I've watched this over and over on cable. Meaning, the re-watchability of this film is very high.
21... Tim Tebow... Tebow! Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow (tebow, tebow... tebow) Tebow Tebow...
TEBOW: Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow
Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow. Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow!
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| Purchased for about $3 |
19... Pastor Calvin... After close to 30 years at Valleydale Baptist Church turned Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), Pastor Calvin Kelly decided to step down. Oh, there was some silly little something, and I say "silly" and I mean "silly", lest you think I'm being sarcastic, but either way, he is a good man, a good Christ Follower and I'm proud of him for following where God leads him and his family.
18... Disneyland... 2 free park tickets + 2 free airline tickets + Marriott Rewards Free Hotel Stay = a trip to Anaheim to visit Disneyland Park and California Adventure. Now, there isn't enough time to go into all of the trip, but one of our favorite attractions was...
17... The Wonderful World of Color... A water based show on the lagoon at California Adventure, its full of light, color and imagination, and its just cool.
16... The New Star Tours... So, when I was in Disneyland, I read on Twitter that they were doing testing for the brand new Star Tours--remember, this is May 2011--so I kept checking for when I might be able to get in. Finally, I saw they were accepting "Annual Passholders", and being such, I hoped to get to ride it... of course, I was a Walt Disney World passholder, not a Disneyland Passholder, there is a difference.
The Lovely Steph Leann, only 3 or 4 months pregnant at that time, was unable to ride then... so I went alone, and made it to the Star Tours attraction. Of course, my WDW Pass wouldn't get me in, but I noticed a Cast Member working with another gentleman's fast passes... I asked him if there was any way I could get to ride, and he nodded and said, "Come with me". So he escorted the other gentleman and myself past the long, winding line and straight to the entrance of the building... and it was awesome. The ride was awesome.
14... The Muppets Soundtrack... its the awesome music to the awesome movie called...
13... "The Muppets"... What an awesome film. I mean, straight up fantastic. Of course, this is someone who grew up on the Muppets, has the series on DVD, has all the movies on DVD (except for "Muppet Treasure Island"... I just can't get into that one) and have loved Kermit & the gang for years. Plus, toss in Jason Segel, and Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) and you've got a great movie on your hands. Even the bizarre rap song by Chris Cooper somehow works in this film. Sort of.
12... October Disney... went in October. Loved it. (the trip was over a year ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the specifics of this trip...)
11... "Walt Disney" by Neal Gabler... This book is a behemoth... and its filled with dates and names and times and things that are very detailed about the life, both personal and professional, of Walt Disney, creator of Mickey Mouse and those Magic Kingdoms that bear his name. If you want a light telling of his life, this is not the book for you. But if you want the details, the minutiae, the backstories behind the stories, then pick this one up. I loved every page, and look forward to reading it again.
And for your weekend... finally... The Top Ten Coolest Things of 2011... you don't want to miss it as we wrap up then, and start working on just now...
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The 100 Coolest Things of 2011... #90 to 81
Let's continue our list of the Coolest 100 Things of the previous year... we've already looked at the 100th to 91st Coolest, so let's get to the next ten!#90... Coin Dozer
What a colossal waste of time! And I love it!
You know those time and money consuming carnival games where there is a pile of quarters sitting in front of a little wall that moves back and forth, and your job is to drop the quarter into the pile in the hopes that you place it in just such a way where the wall will push the quarters over the edge into the spot where you can reach in and grab them?
That's what this game is. As a matter of fact, that's all this game is. You are given a certain amount of coins, you aim and tap the screen, hoping the moving wall will knock more coins into your "prize pocket". Also, prizes randomly drop, like sunglasses and teddy bears and dice and plush puppies and so on... got a few minutes? Try Coin Dozer. I've made it to over 100 levels and... wait, should I admit this?
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| This guy is the real deal. And he's actually kinda cool, at least with his intentions. |
What a great, bizarre documentary. From IMDB:
'Superheroes' will introduce us to several of the country's most famous masked heroes including, Mr. Xtreme, a 33-year-old security guard officer by day, but a goon's worst nightmare by night. We'll follow Mr. Xtreme on his nightly patrols through the streets of San Diego, as he tries to stop evildoers and protect the innocent. We'll also meet the New York Initiative, a fantastic foursome of real life superheroes living together that tackle crime fighting, one Brooklyn borough at a time. Lead by Zimmer, we'll watch as they take to the streets and try to lure criminals out of hiding with their controversial Bait-Patrols. With over 300 registered superheroes in the United States, we'll definitively uncover the 'Real-Life Superhero' cultural phenomenon and discover what inspired these everyday citizens to take the law in to their own hands as they try to make the world a better and safer place for all.
In watching this movie, I just couldn't help being fascinated by these real-life superheroes. Even going into the film, I wanted to openly mock some of these guys, especially the guy living with his mother, but by the end of the movie, I was rooting for them, and thought it was awesome that these men and women saw a problem--crime in their area--and wanted to do something about it. And the documentary itself doesn't make fun of any of them... it simply tells their stories, letting them do much of the talking. Great, fun movie. And check out www.reallifesuperheroes.org while you are at it.
88... "The Rainmaker" by John Grisham
From 1995, back hen John Grisham was consistently good (The Firm, The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill, etc) and before Grisham became a tool (or at least a known tool... did you know he hates fan mail? He hates people writing to him, and refuses to read anything, ever), "The Rainmaker" is a pretty good novel.
Rudy Baylor is a young lawyer who is on the verge of graduating law school, and the book chronicles first his efforts to find a law firm--there are issues with one after the other and his employment... second, an abused wife he meets and falls for in a hospital cafeteria... third, a case involving an old lady who becomes his landlord, and her will, plus the money grubbing family that wants it... and finally, making up the crux of the novel, a massive lawsuit against an insurance company, one that failed to provide health care to a family that resulted in the son becoming terminally ill--and eventually dying.
If it sounds like there are multiple subplots in this story, that's because there are. Grisham has a habit of unfurling a few stories at a time, locked around a major one, sometimes intertwining, sometimes not, but this one seems to work. There are a few loose ends that either he doesn't tie up satisfactorily, or even at all, but overall, it makes for a solid read. The characters are worth investing in, and though some of it was a little predictable, it still came together quite nicely.
The movie, however, not so much. After reading the book, I went out to Best Buy and found "The Rainmaker" on DVD in the $4.99 bin, and thought, "What the hey... why not?" and bought it. Released in 1997, it stars Matt Damon as the lawyer Rudy Baylor, Claire Danes as the embattled wife Kelly, Jon Voight as the defending attorney Leo Drummond, and Danny DeVito as Rudy's partner, Deck. Other names in the film include Mickey Rourke, Danny Glover, Virginia Madsen and Andy Shue.
I guess had I not finished the book the day before I watched the movie, it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was able to quickly figure out all the parts cut from the movie... heck, I was wondering how someone who hadn't read the book would even understand how one scene correlated to the next one as so many of the parts are tightly connected by stuff that didn't make the film.
It was well acted, but to me, not that great. There are a hundred good courtroom dramas out there that you can rely on rather than this one... even the movie adaptations of the books I mentioned above are much better.
#87... "I Need a Dollar" by Aloe Blacc
You may have seen it on HBO's "How to Make It In America"... or maybe on the Boost Wireless commercial... or Conan or Jimmy Fallon's shows... or maybe heard it in a Starbucks... truthfully, I don't know where I heard it... but its addicting.
I need a dollar, dollar, dollar's what I need... I need a dollar, dollar, dollar's what I need (hey hey).
Check it out on iTunes and see if you like it.
#86... "Zookeeper"
Okay, I'll admit... this is an incredibly stupid, dopey movie. The script is hokey... the acting is subpar... some of the jokes are flat... its got talking animals... its got talking animals... Sly Stallone IS a talking lion... but guess what? I enjoyed it.
I went into this movie with very low expectations, and those expectations were completely met, even surpassed. Understand--this is a fairly crappy movie. Its stupid. Its really stupid. So why is it on this list?
It has "guilty pleasure" potential. As in, I can imagine flipping through Starz in Black in March, and choosing between this and "The Departed" over on HBO, and since I am tired and just want something to be background noise, or just want something unencumbered by the thought process, then Kevin James wins. Try it out. If you let yourself, you might find yourself laughing a few times.
#85... Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
 |
| Taken as we walked into the attraction building |
That would be Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, the attraction based on the movie "The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad", and its a rollicking "dark ride" where you board a little car and then tour through the Toad Hall, Winkie's Pub, town hall and then, naturally, Hell.
At Magic Kingdom, the attraction closed in 1998 and was replaced by The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Despite the many protests and calls for its return, the Disney Imagineers answered those calls... by placing a Mr. Toad gravestone statue in the pet cemetary outside of the Haunted Mansion. And in the Pooh ride itself, one of the opening scenes shows Mr. Toad handing a deed over to Owl.
Not one of my all time favorite rides, but I liked it nonetheless.
#84... "The Help"
What can I say? I liked this movie.
I won't spend too much time on the specifics of this movie, as we all kind of know by now its a group of black housekeepers in the early 60s who are interviewed for a book by a white reporter about their living standards and such.
The ensemble cast is outstanding, with Viola Davis as Abileen and Octavia Spencer as Minny (who won an Oscar a few weeks back for this role) as the main housekeepers in the group, Emma Stone with the jacked up curly hair as Skeeter, the reporter writer chick, and various good and bad "housewives", played by Jessica Chastain (who got an Supporting Actress nod), Ashley Johnson and a great villianous turn played by Bryce Dallas Howard.
Its a movie that was made for awards, tackling Civil Rights, though I think the subject of the movie is actually better than the movie itself... does that make any sense? Like, if you take Heath Ledger out of "Brokeback Mountain" and put in Natalie Portman instead, making it a hetero story and not a homo-story, I think "Brokeback Mountain" becomes a forgettable love story that gets very little notice. You can't say "take out the race aspect of 'The Help' and it becomes a forgettable story" because race is the story, but I think you get my point.
The movie is well acted, the script is well written, though I can't tell you how it compares to Kathryn Stockett's book (I started it, got bored and put it down... will eventually read the whole thing). Davis and Spencer are great in their roles and deserved their accolades, and as I mentioned, BDHoward is perfectly just mean, but I don't know that I really liked Emma Stone here--don't get me wrong, I dig some Emma, but still. All the white chicks smoke, as per the culture of the day, but when Emma did, I didn't buy it. Her curly hair was a little odd, and maybe she was a little mis-cast. Who else could have done it? I dunno. And maybe if I see it again, I'll completely go with Emma here.
Which presents the issue... I dont know that I necessarily want to see it again. Being featured on this countdown will tell you that I didn't think it was a bad film--nay, I thought it was a great movie, and I'm glad I saw it... but it didn't change my life, and when all is said and done, I don't know that it will be on my list of my Top 500 films of all time. And truthfully, if this is on Starz in Black (what else would it be on?) in late 2012, I might still watch something else... perhaps "Zookeeper".
#83... Jersey Mike's Subs
Man I love this place. Big, thick bread, they slice the meat right in front of you, the cheese is fresh, and the prices are reasonable. I do enjoy a Subway sandwich every now and then, but I do love to indulge in some Jersey Mike submarine sandwiches. Dig it.
#82... "Thor"
One of the many superhero movies I've seen in the last few years, and one of several that make this countdown for 2011... here's what I wrote on June 21st:
Its a great movie. Chris Helmsworth is fantastic as Thor, and Tom Hiddleston is perfect as the weaker, yet smarter Loki. The effects are quite stunning, with the color and splendor of Asgard, the superhero explosions and superpowers you'd expect to find in a super hero movie, and to top it all off, the story is solid too. Again, I wasn't expecting nearly as much as I got out of the movie.
Even Natalie Portman was good--yes, we know she's a good actress, yes, we know she won an Oscar for "Black Swan", but in movies that aren't serious, she tends to mail her performance in (see: prequels, Star Wars), but she actually isn't that bad. Of course, there is stuff at the end of the credits, so stick around for that...
(see the full review, plus more reviews on "Devil" and "Three Days of the Condor", by clicking here)
#81... Brava Rotisserie Grill
Sitting next to Publix on Valleydale Road is a Subway shop. Next to it used to be a Jungle Juice Smoothie place, but it now sits empty. Next to it is a UPS Store. And on the corner is used to be a coffee place called The Bean Hole... but no longer. Oh, nay nay.
Currently, there is a little chicken place called Brava, and its good food. Its great food. The chicken is grilled over a rotisserie with just the right amount of spice, while the fries are served with this awesome seasoning kind of stuff... each plate gets a piece of pita, with a little hummus and some dipping sauce, which is fantastic. I know that Hurricane Rhett doesn't like it much, but his wife Amarylis by Mornin (up from san antone) really loves it... which helps the cause of myself and The Lovely Steph Leann when we four are looking for an after-church lunch spot. (update: they are no longer open on Sundays. Frowny face)
I would say that I'll eat there tonight for dinner, but we had it last night... perhaps I'll hit Jersey Mike's.
Coming up... the financial gain of Hot Coffee... a Disney makeover... and Misery. And later... one of the best apps I've ever owned...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The 2012 Oscar Live Blog Running Diary Thing Post Column
Before we get started, you must note two things... (1) I got a new laptop. I'm not typing on that laptop at this second, I'm still on my old one, but for reasons I'll explain later, I got a new laptop. (2) My Internet connection worked fine at 550pm. Because I had a simple problem with a forgotten password on my router, meaning to connect to the interweb on the new laptop I had to get it reset, it seemed like a simple fix. However, combine that problem with an idiot from AT&T named Chris McBride (yeah, you) telling me to do something stupid which shut my entire wireless system down...
...90 minutes later, two router resets, a page scribbled with random multi-letter and number passwords and about 982 visits to "control panel", I finally got connected. My old laptop and the new one. However, The Lovely Steph Leann's laptop is not connecting at all, no matter what we do.
So now, there was over an hour on the phone with some chick named Angel, then the dinner dash I made that was supposed to be made around 6pm, not at 748p, and here it is, 820p, and we are 50 minutes behind the program's starting time...
SO... that being said, lets get the Oscar Blog On!
821p... From the Hollywood Center, formerly the Kodak Theater though Kodak got its name off of it due to its bankruptcy, its the 84th Academy Awards.
833p... Now we finally get to start it. And due to the DVR limitations of recording a certain amount of time, plus a hollerin' three month old, we are finally starting. Plus, we have missed part of the opening of Billy Crystal's Oscar hosting. That dude Chris McBride? He sucks.
836p... Billy comes out and calls the arena the "chapter 11 theater..." Wonderful! We missed Billy.
840p... Its his 9th time hosting, and he refers to himself as a "war horse", and I'm glad he's back. He does his traditional all-best-pic-nom-inclusive opening musical number, and with camera pans to Clooney, Pitt and many others, they are glad he's back too.
841p... The first award of the night! Tom Hanks comes out to Cinematography... what is cinematography? I dunno. I think landscapes, but who knows. I picked "Hugo" and I won! Hanks is now giving out Art Direction, and I can tell this is a night where the Oscar producers are like, "Hey, lets go go go... get this thing moving now." I picked "The Artist", and it looks like "Hugo" wins again.
847p... Billy says, "At the 'Your name here' theater..." Another funny shot at Kodak.
849p... Being a movie fan, I love love looooove these movie clip montages, because I know I've seen most of them--this one has everything from "Jaws" to "Cape Fear" to "There's Something About Mary". Its gotta be cool as an actor to watch other movies too, to truly understand the craft and the effort.
851p... Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come out, both in white, willowy dresses. J-Lo and Cam-D give a nod to 8 time Oscar winner Edith Head, and are here to give Costume Design... I chose "The Artist" in this. And the winner is... "The Artist"! That's 2-1 for me tonight...
853p... J-Lo and Cam-D are racing through this category, now for "Best Makeup". I went with "Albert Nobbs", a movie that I can almost certainly guarantee by 103% that I will never, ever, never, never, ever see. Nothing about that movie interests me at all. Just sayin'.
855p... And the Oscar goes to "The Iron Lady", the Margaret Thatcher movie that again, I will be very unlikely to ever see. Not that I'm anti-Thatch... just doesn't interest me. Sorry if you are a M-Thatch fan. So I'm 2-2 thus far.
I guess its time to tell you about our Oscar Challenge... myself, my buddy Mikey, my buddy Drewski and Hurricane Rhett have this little thing going, as described on the latest episode of The Deucecast. We all picked our winners, and whoever comes out first wins. And the winner will require the other three to watch whatever movie the winner chooses... which means I could easily make Hurricane Rhett watch the Amanda Bynes' classic "Sydney White", and make Drewski watch the immortal "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, and of course, Mikey would get to see Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shine in "It Takes Two". I hope I win.
857p... Various celebrities are telling us their first movies they've ever seen. I can tell you the few that I remember first... "Every Which Way But Loose", with Clint Eastwood and Clyde the orangutan... "The Muppet Movie"... and "The Shining". Yep. At 5 years old, I'm sitting at a drive-in watching an evil hotel possess Jack Nicholson.
The Lovely Steph Leann says she remembers "ET" and "Annie" first. "ET" is fabulous. "Annie"... not so much.
859p... Sandra Bullock is out to give the Best Foreign Film award, and she gives it in Mandarin Chinese. Sorta funny. I picked "A Separation" from Iran, though that's a crapshoot. And I win! Rule!
903p... Christian Bale, who won last year's Supporting Actor Award for "The Fighter" and deservedly so, is here for Best Supporting Actress.
The Lovely Steph Leann: Its so weird hearing him talk in his native British.
906p... And in one of the first least-suspenseful moments of the night, Octavia Spencer wins for "The Help". We knew this would happen. She gets a part standing ovation, and Octavia actually seems surprised. Really? Really? Come on, Octavia... you knew this was coming. And the rest of the audience stands up, including big smiles from George Clooney, and his boo, the former WCW Nitro Girl and WWE Diva Stacy Keibler. Dig it!
The Lovely Steph Leann: I love Melissa McCartney.
907p... Octavia spits out a charming speech as fast as she can, as she says, "I know the screen says to wrap up, I'm trying!"
909p... Billy: "I loved 'The Help'... when I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw. Which in Beverly Hills, was about a 45 minute drive..." And now we see a big on "focus groups", starring the Christopher Guest troupe with Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara and Guest himself. Oh, and Stifler's mom.
913p... Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper come out is out for Film Editing, to which I picked "Hugo". And the Oscar goes to... "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". Crap. And for Sound Editing, I went with "Drive". And the winner? "Hugo".
I feel like, when this night is all over, "Hugo" will have won more Oscars than any other movie tonight... maybe nothing big, but all the smaller ones will add up to like, 7 Oscars. Should I see this movie?
918p... Tina and Bradley keep going, this time with Sound Mixing, to which I picked "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". I feel like this award should be called Best Sound, and one movie should win all three of these. And "Hugo" gets two of the three. Stupid "Hugo". I'm 3-4 right now.
920p... Pause to fix a baby bottle
924p... Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy! And Cirque de Soleil! Two members of the troupe were sitting in the audience in between Sandy Bullock and Meryl Streep, who were both grinning big to be there. Its a performance that shows us "what its like to go to the movies", and its kinda fun. And it gets a standing O.
929p... Billy: "I pulled a hamstring just watching that... we got puppets, acrobats, we are one pony away from being a bar mitzvah!"
930p... Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are out now, with RDJ doing some sort of funny walk out from backstage. He says, "I'm filming a documentary called 'The Presenter'". The category is Documentary... I had to go with "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory", mostly because the story is incredible, but also because of Hollywood's fascination with the story.
933p... So naturally, "Undefeated" wins, a film about high school football.
933p... Wait... what?
934p... The "Undefeated" guys become the first ones of the night to get played off stage for taking too long.
934p... Chris Rock comes out for Animation, and I'm digging his afro. He then does a great schpeel about how easy it is to do animated film... hilarious. My pick for this category is "Rango", though I'm intrigued by "Chico & Rita". And the Oscar goes to... "Rango"! Finally! I get another one!
937p... I don't know if "Rango" is worthy of the best animated film of the year, though there wasn't a ton of competition this year (Pixar's usual contender wasn't contending this year, not with Cars 2)... but "Rango" is drawn really, really well.
939p... I know my buddy Mikey is excited... there's a bit with Melissa McCartney, who he loves.
939p... Emma Stone and Ben Stiller come out now to present Best Visual Effects... can I say I just love me some Emma Stone? Like, in practically everything she has done I've been happy about. I used to say that Emma Stone is who Lindsay Lohan should have been... now its almost like Lindsay Lohan is the bad version of Emma Stone.
942p... I selected "Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2" to win this. But I'm afraid "Hugo" will take this one too. I think that Hurricane Rhett will wet himself if "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" wins, though, just because he will be able to say, "I love that Oscar winning movie, 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon'"...
943p... "Hugo".
The Lovely Steph Leann: Really? Is this going to win everything? Why can't Harry Potter win something?
I agree.
945p... Billy: Harry Potter made 7.7 billion dollars. Yet, he only paid 14% income tax...
945p... Melissa Leo, who won Supporting Actress for "The Fighter", is out to give the Best Supporting Actor award. Christopher Plummer will win this for one main reason... he plays an old man who comes out of the closet. Hollywood frikkin' love this kind of crap. Last year, the "gay" movie was "The Kids are Alright", which sucked. This year, its "Beginners". Plus, throw in the fact that Chris Plummer, a Hollywood icon and legend, has never won an Oscar, AND he's playing an elderly gay man--for the win.
948p... And in the second "Foregone Conclusion" of the night, Christopher Plummer wins an Oscar at the age of 84, becoming the oldest actor to ever win one. And he gets the standing O, as per usual.
950p... I imagine this exchange:
Tech guy: Plummer's been talking for several minutes... should I cut him off?
Producer: Crap no... don't you dare cut off Plummer. If Jonah Hill wins, you give him 30 seconds... but when Plummer starts talking, you let him talk.
950p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich end up sitting in the first few rows of the freakin' Academy Awards?
953p... Billy Crystal is about to do his "what is the audience thinking" segment... the camera flashed to a celebrity, and Billy says what they are thinking... they show Brad Pitt, and Billy says, "I hope this doesn't run to late, I have six parent teacher conferences tomorrow..." Brad doesn't seem amused, but the audience cracks up.
955p... Does anyone else hear some random beeping or musical tones? Its like, their mics are jacked or something... I know its not my tv, because when I pause it, I don't hear it...
957p... And here comes Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz, out for Best Score. I'm thinking "The Artist" in this is probably a foregone conclusion moment, since the entire movie is just music. And, as per usual, I'm right! I'm dead even at 6-6... not a good record thusfar.
1001p... Will Ferrel and Zach Galifianakis are out, rising from the orchestra pit, both clanging cymbals. Zach says, "One of these Song nominees will join such winners like 'The Way We Were' and 'Over the Rainbow' and 'Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp'". Of course, I chose "Man or Muppet"... and the Oscar goes to... "Man or Muppet" from "The Muppets".
1004p... Pan to Jason Segel, who is as pleased as punch. Part of the reason I like him is that he is such a genuine Muppet fan. And he was the best, perhaps only good part, of "Bad Teacher".
1006p... Billy: Looking at all of you here, why don't we all just chip in and buy the Dodgers?
1006p... Angelina Jolie comes out to give the award for Adapted Screenplay. I think I'm supposed to find her really attractive, and I actually find her mildly cute. Maybe. Give me Kate Winslet, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon or Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) any day.
1008p... I picked "Moneyball" in this category, thinking it would be the one award that it would win. But I'm afraid "Hugo" will pick this one up too. The winner is... "The Descendants". In fairness, I'm okay with it, because I really, really want to see that film.
1010p... Original Screenplay? I picked "Midnight in Paris", which is coming tomorrow via Netflix, and I'm kind of excited. "Bridesmaids" would be a fun winner, but I think Woody Allen's "Paris" is the sentimental choice. The winner? "Midnight in Paris"! And Woody never comes to the Oscars, so Angelina accepts it for him and walks away.
1012p... A montage of actors and directors answering the question, "What makes a great movie?" and The Lovely Steph Leann is thrilled when Reese Witherspoon says, "When I don't feel good I love watching Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 'Overboard'... its my favorite movie. No kidding."
1014p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich get to be a presenter at the Oscars? Have you seen anything she's done? Holy crap? Milla presents the montage for the Techie Awards that aren't important enough to be broadcast.
1016p... Billy: "This has been a strong year for female characters... some wore high heels, like The Iron Lady or J. Edgar...."
1016p... All of the Bridesmaids come out together, with Kristen, Maya, Melissa and the other three. Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph tosses out a bunch of innuendos for Live Action Short... I picked "Time Freak". And in seeing the clip of "Time Freak", I knew I had lost. "The Shore" wins.
1019p... Best Documentary Short... I went with "The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movenent" for two reasons... (1) the word "Civil" and (2) the word "Rights"... and who wins? "Saving Face". Really? I guess Hollywood figures it is getting its white guilt reparations on giving awards to "the Help". Dang it.
1022p... Because I like long titles since they seem more impressive, I picked "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore" for Best Animated Short. The Oscar goes to? "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore"! Long titles win!
1025p... Here comes Michael Douglas to give out Best Director, telling an anecdote about a guy named Leo who tried to finance a movie. And then he calls out the nominees... I went out on a limb and picked Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", but I feel like Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist" will pick this up. Unless "Hugo" wins it, though I think "Hugo" is done for the night.
1027p... The Oscar goes to... Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist".
1029p... The Lovely Steph Leann: Great. Campbell waits all day, and now... he poops. He's pooping right now.
1030p... Another Hollywood icon, Meryl Streep, comes out, and tells us about The Governors Awards, celebrating the special contributions of three very special members of The Academy... Oprah! James Earl Jones! And a guy named Dick, who did makeup for a long, long time.
1032p... Oprah won a Humanitarian award, though right now she's Skinny O. Good thing.. it would have been awkward to give Fat O two awards, one for each of her. Oh!
1034p... In Memorium. I don't think we'll see Jack-A** star Ryan Dunn, who died in a drunk driving accident caused by himself.
1035p... Whoever is singing "What a Wonderful World", this chick has a huge afro... like, huge. Huge. Love it.
1036p... We do see Whitney Houston, though. And some of them, like Sidney Lumet and Steve Jobs, get sound bites and/or film clips... and Elizabeth Taylor predictably gets the last shot. Well, other than Big 'fro Lady.
1039p... Three awards left... but first, we have a poopy diaper to change. Back in a sec...
1046p... The Lovely Steph Leann: You know, I don't really know all the ingredients in baby formula... but I just don't understand how his poopy can actually be flourescent green.
1049p... Actors answer the question "What do you see in movies?" Ed Norton, Julia Roberts, Phil S. Hoffman, RDJ, Jonah Hill, Bobby DeNiro, Tom Cruise and Patton Oswalt, who I'm a big fan of.
1051p... While I kid when I say my buddy Mikey loves Melissa McCarthy (he doesn't), I am not kidding when I say he loves loves loooooves Natalie Portman (he does). I mean, like, restraining order kinda love.
1057p... Oh yeah, Best Actor... I picked, correctly as we find out, Jean Dujardin for "The Artist" takes the Oscar home.
11p... The Lovely Steph Leann almost drops Campbell as her main squeeze and namesake of The Colin Firth Club comes out to give the Best Actress award.
1102p... I'm not trying to be mean...but Viola Davis looks terrible. Thats not a race thing, thats a she-looks-awful thing. Her hair is just bad.
1105p... The only SHOCKER of the night... Meryl Streep wins the Academy Award for Best Actress, and Viola Davis loses. Well, its not so much a shocker as a mild surprise, because I think Viola was the odds on favorite, maybe heavy favorite...
1108p... This is happening...
Techie: Okay, do I start the music?
Producer: If Chris Plummer can keep talking, you'd better dang straight let Meryl Streep talk until Tuesday if she wants to...
1109p... Tom Cruise comes out to give away Best Picture... and I already know the answer. See, stupid MSNBC keeps popping up "alerts" on my phone, even though I have turned them off 1000 times--and it just dinged, and as I looked over, I saw MSNBC say "The Artist" wins Best Picture. Stupid MSNBC
1111p... And for one of the only times, MSNBC doesn't tell a story or manipulate the truth--"The Artist" wins Best Picture.
1115p... So, I'm counting the awards and picks and such... and I'll have to count again, and get a second opinion... but I think I won the Oscar Challenge. Its a poor showing, with only 12 of the 24 awards picked correctly, but I might be enough...
1124p... Final score.. Hurricane Rhett - 12... d$ - 12... Mike - 11... Drewski - 6.
Looks like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will get their Oscar moment after all. At Mikey's house.
...90 minutes later, two router resets, a page scribbled with random multi-letter and number passwords and about 982 visits to "control panel", I finally got connected. My old laptop and the new one. However, The Lovely Steph Leann's laptop is not connecting at all, no matter what we do.
So now, there was over an hour on the phone with some chick named Angel, then the dinner dash I made that was supposed to be made around 6pm, not at 748p, and here it is, 820p, and we are 50 minutes behind the program's starting time...
SO... that being said, lets get the Oscar Blog On!
821p... From the Hollywood Center, formerly the Kodak Theater though Kodak got its name off of it due to its bankruptcy, its the 84th Academy Awards.
833p... Now we finally get to start it. And due to the DVR limitations of recording a certain amount of time, plus a hollerin' three month old, we are finally starting. Plus, we have missed part of the opening of Billy Crystal's Oscar hosting. That dude Chris McBride? He sucks.
836p... Billy comes out and calls the arena the "chapter 11 theater..." Wonderful! We missed Billy.
840p... Its his 9th time hosting, and he refers to himself as a "war horse", and I'm glad he's back. He does his traditional all-best-pic-nom-inclusive opening musical number, and with camera pans to Clooney, Pitt and many others, they are glad he's back too.
841p... The first award of the night! Tom Hanks comes out to Cinematography... what is cinematography? I dunno. I think landscapes, but who knows. I picked "Hugo" and I won! Hanks is now giving out Art Direction, and I can tell this is a night where the Oscar producers are like, "Hey, lets go go go... get this thing moving now." I picked "The Artist", and it looks like "Hugo" wins again.
847p... Billy says, "At the 'Your name here' theater..." Another funny shot at Kodak.
849p... Being a movie fan, I love love looooove these movie clip montages, because I know I've seen most of them--this one has everything from "Jaws" to "Cape Fear" to "There's Something About Mary". Its gotta be cool as an actor to watch other movies too, to truly understand the craft and the effort.
851p... Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come out, both in white, willowy dresses. J-Lo and Cam-D give a nod to 8 time Oscar winner Edith Head, and are here to give Costume Design... I chose "The Artist" in this. And the winner is... "The Artist"! That's 2-1 for me tonight...
853p... J-Lo and Cam-D are racing through this category, now for "Best Makeup". I went with "Albert Nobbs", a movie that I can almost certainly guarantee by 103% that I will never, ever, never, never, ever see. Nothing about that movie interests me at all. Just sayin'.
855p... And the Oscar goes to "The Iron Lady", the Margaret Thatcher movie that again, I will be very unlikely to ever see. Not that I'm anti-Thatch... just doesn't interest me. Sorry if you are a M-Thatch fan. So I'm 2-2 thus far.
I guess its time to tell you about our Oscar Challenge... myself, my buddy Mikey, my buddy Drewski and Hurricane Rhett have this little thing going, as described on the latest episode of The Deucecast. We all picked our winners, and whoever comes out first wins. And the winner will require the other three to watch whatever movie the winner chooses... which means I could easily make Hurricane Rhett watch the Amanda Bynes' classic "Sydney White", and make Drewski watch the immortal "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, and of course, Mikey would get to see Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shine in "It Takes Two". I hope I win.
857p... Various celebrities are telling us their first movies they've ever seen. I can tell you the few that I remember first... "Every Which Way But Loose", with Clint Eastwood and Clyde the orangutan... "The Muppet Movie"... and "The Shining". Yep. At 5 years old, I'm sitting at a drive-in watching an evil hotel possess Jack Nicholson.
The Lovely Steph Leann says she remembers "ET" and "Annie" first. "ET" is fabulous. "Annie"... not so much.
859p... Sandra Bullock is out to give the Best Foreign Film award, and she gives it in Mandarin Chinese. Sorta funny. I picked "A Separation" from Iran, though that's a crapshoot. And I win! Rule!
903p... Christian Bale, who won last year's Supporting Actor Award for "The Fighter" and deservedly so, is here for Best Supporting Actress.
The Lovely Steph Leann: Its so weird hearing him talk in his native British.
 |
| I feel like former divas Chyna, Lita and Melina are thinking "why not me?!" |
The Lovely Steph Leann: I love Melissa McCartney.
907p... Octavia spits out a charming speech as fast as she can, as she says, "I know the screen says to wrap up, I'm trying!"
909p... Billy: "I loved 'The Help'... when I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw. Which in Beverly Hills, was about a 45 minute drive..." And now we see a big on "focus groups", starring the Christopher Guest troupe with Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara and Guest himself. Oh, and Stifler's mom.
913p... Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper come out is out for Film Editing, to which I picked "Hugo". And the Oscar goes to... "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". Crap. And for Sound Editing, I went with "Drive". And the winner? "Hugo".
I feel like, when this night is all over, "Hugo" will have won more Oscars than any other movie tonight... maybe nothing big, but all the smaller ones will add up to like, 7 Oscars. Should I see this movie?
918p... Tina and Bradley keep going, this time with Sound Mixing, to which I picked "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". I feel like this award should be called Best Sound, and one movie should win all three of these. And "Hugo" gets two of the three. Stupid "Hugo". I'm 3-4 right now.
920p... Pause to fix a baby bottle
924p... Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy! And Cirque de Soleil! Two members of the troupe were sitting in the audience in between Sandy Bullock and Meryl Streep, who were both grinning big to be there. Its a performance that shows us "what its like to go to the movies", and its kinda fun. And it gets a standing O.
929p... Billy: "I pulled a hamstring just watching that... we got puppets, acrobats, we are one pony away from being a bar mitzvah!"
930p... Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are out now, with RDJ doing some sort of funny walk out from backstage. He says, "I'm filming a documentary called 'The Presenter'". The category is Documentary... I had to go with "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory", mostly because the story is incredible, but also because of Hollywood's fascination with the story.
933p... So naturally, "Undefeated" wins, a film about high school football.
933p... Wait... what?
934p... The "Undefeated" guys become the first ones of the night to get played off stage for taking too long.
934p... Chris Rock comes out for Animation, and I'm digging his afro. He then does a great schpeel about how easy it is to do animated film... hilarious. My pick for this category is "Rango", though I'm intrigued by "Chico & Rita". And the Oscar goes to... "Rango"! Finally! I get another one!
937p... I don't know if "Rango" is worthy of the best animated film of the year, though there wasn't a ton of competition this year (Pixar's usual contender wasn't contending this year, not with Cars 2)... but "Rango" is drawn really, really well.
939p... I know my buddy Mikey is excited... there's a bit with Melissa McCartney, who he loves.
 |
| Just as cute as a bucket of puppies... though I can't say that bow did her much good. |
942p... I selected "Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2" to win this. But I'm afraid "Hugo" will take this one too. I think that Hurricane Rhett will wet himself if "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" wins, though, just because he will be able to say, "I love that Oscar winning movie, 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon'"...
943p... "Hugo".
The Lovely Steph Leann: Really? Is this going to win everything? Why can't Harry Potter win something?
I agree.
945p... Billy: Harry Potter made 7.7 billion dollars. Yet, he only paid 14% income tax...
945p... Melissa Leo, who won Supporting Actress for "The Fighter", is out to give the Best Supporting Actor award. Christopher Plummer will win this for one main reason... he plays an old man who comes out of the closet. Hollywood frikkin' love this kind of crap. Last year, the "gay" movie was "The Kids are Alright", which sucked. This year, its "Beginners". Plus, throw in the fact that Chris Plummer, a Hollywood icon and legend, has never won an Oscar, AND he's playing an elderly gay man--for the win.
948p... And in the second "Foregone Conclusion" of the night, Christopher Plummer wins an Oscar at the age of 84, becoming the oldest actor to ever win one. And he gets the standing O, as per usual.
950p... I imagine this exchange:
Tech guy: Plummer's been talking for several minutes... should I cut him off?
Producer: Crap no... don't you dare cut off Plummer. If Jonah Hill wins, you give him 30 seconds... but when Plummer starts talking, you let him talk.
950p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich end up sitting in the first few rows of the freakin' Academy Awards?
953p... Billy Crystal is about to do his "what is the audience thinking" segment... the camera flashed to a celebrity, and Billy says what they are thinking... they show Brad Pitt, and Billy says, "I hope this doesn't run to late, I have six parent teacher conferences tomorrow..." Brad doesn't seem amused, but the audience cracks up.
955p... Does anyone else hear some random beeping or musical tones? Its like, their mics are jacked or something... I know its not my tv, because when I pause it, I don't hear it...
957p... And here comes Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz, out for Best Score. I'm thinking "The Artist" in this is probably a foregone conclusion moment, since the entire movie is just music. And, as per usual, I'm right! I'm dead even at 6-6... not a good record thusfar.
1001p... Will Ferrel and Zach Galifianakis are out, rising from the orchestra pit, both clanging cymbals. Zach says, "One of these Song nominees will join such winners like 'The Way We Were' and 'Over the Rainbow' and 'Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp'". Of course, I chose "Man or Muppet"... and the Oscar goes to... "Man or Muppet" from "The Muppets".
1004p... Pan to Jason Segel, who is as pleased as punch. Part of the reason I like him is that he is such a genuine Muppet fan. And he was the best, perhaps only good part, of "Bad Teacher".
1006p... Billy: Looking at all of you here, why don't we all just chip in and buy the Dodgers?
1006p... Angelina Jolie comes out to give the award for Adapted Screenplay. I think I'm supposed to find her really attractive, and I actually find her mildly cute. Maybe. Give me Kate Winslet, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon or Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) any day.
1008p... I picked "Moneyball" in this category, thinking it would be the one award that it would win. But I'm afraid "Hugo" will pick this one up too. The winner is... "The Descendants". In fairness, I'm okay with it, because I really, really want to see that film.
1010p... Original Screenplay? I picked "Midnight in Paris", which is coming tomorrow via Netflix, and I'm kind of excited. "Bridesmaids" would be a fun winner, but I think Woody Allen's "Paris" is the sentimental choice. The winner? "Midnight in Paris"! And Woody never comes to the Oscars, so Angelina accepts it for him and walks away.
1012p... A montage of actors and directors answering the question, "What makes a great movie?" and The Lovely Steph Leann is thrilled when Reese Witherspoon says, "When I don't feel good I love watching Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 'Overboard'... its my favorite movie. No kidding."
1014p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich get to be a presenter at the Oscars? Have you seen anything she's done? Holy crap? Milla presents the montage for the Techie Awards that aren't important enough to be broadcast.
1016p... Billy: "This has been a strong year for female characters... some wore high heels, like The Iron Lady or J. Edgar...."
1016p... All of the Bridesmaids come out together, with Kristen, Maya, Melissa and the other three. Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph tosses out a bunch of innuendos for Live Action Short... I picked "Time Freak". And in seeing the clip of "Time Freak", I knew I had lost. "The Shore" wins.
1019p... Best Documentary Short... I went with "The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movenent" for two reasons... (1) the word "Civil" and (2) the word "Rights"... and who wins? "Saving Face". Really? I guess Hollywood figures it is getting its white guilt reparations on giving awards to "the Help". Dang it.
1022p... Because I like long titles since they seem more impressive, I picked "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore" for Best Animated Short. The Oscar goes to? "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore"! Long titles win!
1025p... Here comes Michael Douglas to give out Best Director, telling an anecdote about a guy named Leo who tried to finance a movie. And then he calls out the nominees... I went out on a limb and picked Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", but I feel like Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist" will pick this up. Unless "Hugo" wins it, though I think "Hugo" is done for the night.
1027p... The Oscar goes to... Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist".
1029p... The Lovely Steph Leann: Great. Campbell waits all day, and now... he poops. He's pooping right now.
1030p... Another Hollywood icon, Meryl Streep, comes out, and tells us about The Governors Awards, celebrating the special contributions of three very special members of The Academy... Oprah! James Earl Jones! And a guy named Dick, who did makeup for a long, long time.
1032p... Oprah won a Humanitarian award, though right now she's Skinny O. Good thing.. it would have been awkward to give Fat O two awards, one for each of her. Oh!
1034p... In Memorium. I don't think we'll see Jack-A** star Ryan Dunn, who died in a drunk driving accident caused by himself.
1035p... Whoever is singing "What a Wonderful World", this chick has a huge afro... like, huge. Huge. Love it.
 |
| The image you didn't see in the Oscars dead people montage. Rest in peace, Ryan... even though you were an idiot, and your own drinking and driving while doing 80 got yourself and another dude killed. |
1039p... Three awards left... but first, we have a poopy diaper to change. Back in a sec...
1046p... The Lovely Steph Leann: You know, I don't really know all the ingredients in baby formula... but I just don't understand how his poopy can actually be flourescent green.
1049p... Actors answer the question "What do you see in movies?" Ed Norton, Julia Roberts, Phil S. Hoffman, RDJ, Jonah Hill, Bobby DeNiro, Tom Cruise and Patton Oswalt, who I'm a big fan of.
1051p... While I kid when I say my buddy Mikey loves Melissa McCarthy (he doesn't), I am not kidding when I say he loves loves loooooves Natalie Portman (he does). I mean, like, restraining order kinda love.
1057p... Oh yeah, Best Actor... I picked, correctly as we find out, Jean Dujardin for "The Artist" takes the Oscar home.
11p... The Lovely Steph Leann almost drops Campbell as her main squeeze and namesake of The Colin Firth Club comes out to give the Best Actress award.
1102p... I'm not trying to be mean...but Viola Davis looks terrible. Thats not a race thing, thats a she-looks-awful thing. Her hair is just bad.
1105p... The only SHOCKER of the night... Meryl Streep wins the Academy Award for Best Actress, and Viola Davis loses. Well, its not so much a shocker as a mild surprise, because I think Viola was the odds on favorite, maybe heavy favorite...
1108p... This is happening...
Techie: Okay, do I start the music?
Producer: If Chris Plummer can keep talking, you'd better dang straight let Meryl Streep talk until Tuesday if she wants to...
1109p... Tom Cruise comes out to give away Best Picture... and I already know the answer. See, stupid MSNBC keeps popping up "alerts" on my phone, even though I have turned them off 1000 times--and it just dinged, and as I looked over, I saw MSNBC say "The Artist" wins Best Picture. Stupid MSNBC
1111p... And for one of the only times, MSNBC doesn't tell a story or manipulate the truth--"The Artist" wins Best Picture.
1115p... So, I'm counting the awards and picks and such... and I'll have to count again, and get a second opinion... but I think I won the Oscar Challenge. Its a poor showing, with only 12 of the 24 awards picked correctly, but I might be enough...
1124p... Final score.. Hurricane Rhett - 12... d$ - 12... Mike - 11... Drewski - 6.
Looks like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will get their Oscar moment after all. At Mikey's house.
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