the 2013 golden globes running diary

If I suddenly disappear for a few, its because (a) my internet went out due to rain... (b) my internet went out because my internet blows... (c) the satellite went out... (d) both a and b... (e) both A and C... (f) both A, B, C, D and E... just a warning...

7p...And here we are... Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are onstage, kicking things off... shots at Ricky Gervais and those movies "that have only been in theater for 2 days"...

705p... Amy nods to Kathryn Bigelow, director of "Zero Dark Thirty", saying "I would take advice about torture from a woman who was married to James Cameron..." drawing a huge laugh and a huge "whoa!' from the crowd.

706p... The Satellite just went out.  Again.

710p... Still out.  Who won? 

710p... Thanks to Twitter, I learned the Christoph Waltz won best Supporting Actor in a Movie for "Django Unchained."

712p... Satellite still out.

719p... And the show comes back on, with Eva Longoria and Don Cheadle onscreen, giving out some award for Mini-Series or Movie... and the winner is "GameChange".  A brilliant, film, by the way... and this is someone who is a staunch conservative.

719p... Apparently, Professor McGonagall won for "Downton Abbey" a few minutes ago.  I think.  Stupid rain.

720p... And its off... and its on... and the satellite is off... and its on... and its off... and its...

720p... Off.

720p... At least we got to see a speech by the husband of the lead singer of the Bangles. 

730p... Still off.  Seriously.  One of my favorite nights, where I get to blog and make fun, and nothing. 

And... turns out I've been hit with some sort of malware called Scour.  And my Norton didn't find it. 

732p... Here we go again!

What did we miss?  A Les Mis montage. 

Now we have the always awesome Paul Rudd and the sometimes cool Salma Hayek for Best Actor in a TV Series.  "Homeland" won a ton of these acting awards at the Emmys, and so, Damien Lewis picks it up for the same show.

734p... And so begins a Homeland lovefest.  Perhaps I should see this show at some point.

Teleprompter screw up?  No problem.  Paul Rudd is here.

735p... Paul Rudd and Salma have an awkward moment before giving the Best TV Drama to Homeland.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Seriously?  Homeland?  The Newsroom is so much better.  (I tend to agree)  But, Claire Danes looks good after just having a kid.

737p... Apparently, the teleprompter screwed up.  Paul Rudd needs to host every teleprompter breakdown.

742p... After a quick commercial break, we get a clip from the nominated film Argo, which is a great film that you should see right now.

744p... Best Score now, with Jennifer Lopez and Jason Statham are out to give the award.   And the award goes to... Homeland!

745p... Just kidding.  Life of Pi.

745p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?!  Now the Life of Pi love begins... crap.

747p... Best Original Song!  Music from Skyfall... The Hunger Games... Act of Valor... some Pacino/Walken film... and Les Miserables... and the winner is? 

749p... Adele be Rollin in the Deep, with the Skyfall win.  Movie wasn't that great.  Neither was the song.  Let's be real, here.

750p... I think Life of Pi will win 3.14 awards tonight.

801p... Due to the fact I have some crappy malware on the computer, I had to do a re-start on the computer.  Good times.  So, we are about 8 minutes behind, which hopefully we will catch up on during commercials

802p... Campbell just smashed his foot in the baby gate.  Cause he's a genius.

803p... So, Kevin Costner just won for Hatfields & McCoys... he's actually giving a better acting performance right now than he does in most of his movies.

806p... Bill Clinton?  Really?

807p... Hollywood Libs are going nuts right now.  He'd still be president if they coulda changed that stupid Constitution... though... I wonder what would happen if Obama and Bill ran against each other?   The first black president AND Obama?  Wow... 

809p... Will Ferrill and Kristen Wiig come out together.  Can they host next year?!  That would be awesome too!

809p... Best Comedy/Musical Actress award...

810p... I've never used these words before but.. Kristin Wiig is friggin' hot.  Just sayin.

811p... Will and Kristin are cracking me the heck up...

This was Tommy Lee Jones.  He's actually laughing here.

812p... They just showed a stone faced Tommy Lee Jones... I think that was him laughing.

813p... Jennifer Lawrence won!!  Taylor Swift gave her a standing O... and J-Law says, "What does this say?!  I beat Meryl [Streep]!!" then follows it up with "Harvey [Weinstein], thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here..."

816p... Best Supporting Actor TV Series/Movie/Mini-Series...

816p... John Krasinski is with Kristen Bell to give the award to... Ed Harris for GameChange.  I dig it.  I kinda think that John Krasinski is a possible entry into The Colin Firth Club for The Lovely Steph Leann.  He's a good dude.

817p... Jamie Foxx out to discuss "Django Unchained"

818p... And now, Jonah Hill and Megan Fox... a mismatch of epic proportions.  Awkward banter.

819p... Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture... Amy Adams is nominated.  I'm in love with her, I don't care, I'll admit it.  But?  Anne Hathaway wins this easily. 

I just won a Golden Globe?  And am probably headed for Oscar
gold?  Shut!  Up! 

819p... Princess Mia won!!!  Hope she saves room for the Academy Award on the shelf.

821p... She even references Genovia!  Winning!!! 

822p... Caught up to Live TV!

823p... Amanda Seyfried with the cute, weird eyes and Edward the Gay Vampire are out for the Screenplay Award.

824p... Tarantino won!?!  "I wasn't expecting this!" he says.  Neither was anyone else in that room, QT.

Favorite Tweets of the night so far: 
@bradlatta... Anne Hathaway is the cutest boy in Hollywood
@MissMovies... Three words:  JLaw boob shelf
@pourmecoffee... Taylor Swift is so sad in losing to Adele she's going home and listening to Adele
@JamiesRabbits... I feel like Jennifer Lopez only checks her rearview mirror before going out

826p... Jeremy Irons being very Jeremy Ironsy...

827p... I prefer Will and Kristin's description of Salmon in Yemen

827p... Lucy Liu and Debra Messing is out for Best Actor in a TV Comedy Series... Don Cheadle for House of Lies.

833p... Sly and Arnold are giving out Best Foreign Film.  Is it usual to have the presenters speak a foreign language?  "Amour" from Austria wins... and I think this is where it picks up steam to steal a major award Oscar in a month. 

@JamiesRabbits:  I feel like Sylvester Stallone being in a movie called "A Bullet to the Head" is a bit redundant

836p... Nathan Fillion and Lea Michele come out for Best TV Actress Drama... Excuse me, Nathan Fillion, Lea Michele and Lea Michele's overbite.  The winner is... Claire Danes, for Homeland.

I knew that, by the way.

844p... Sacha Baron Cohen is out, holding his wine, and acting like Sacha Baron Cohen, which is a bit refreshing, because in Les Miz, he was very Un-Sacha-like.   And being fairly funny.  Best Animated Film.

846p... At least he's not hiding his drinking.  "Brave" wins, from the category of Foregone Conclusion.

848p... I wonder if Liev Schriber looks at Hugh Jackman, thinks about "Wolverine" and wonders how it all went wrong.

850p... Aziz Ansari and Jason Bateman makes a Downton Abby weed joke that everyone laughs at, except for the Downton Abby table.

851p... Lena Dunham wins the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy series.  I think that she is an actreZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

859p... We've seen far too little of Amy and Tina tonight...

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann's knees wobble again, as Robert Downey Jr comes onstage. 

901p... Jodie Foster is getting the Cecil DeMille Award for lifetime achievement?  I'm sorry... wha...???

902p... I'm confused... wasn't she just in "The Silence of the Lambs like, 3 years ago?

905p... "Nell"... "Sommersby"... "Nim's Island"... "Little Man Tate"... thank you Jodie Foster for your great body of work. 

906p... Taaaaay.... in da wiiiinnn.....

908p... I'm not positive... but Jodie Foster might've been drinking.  Just a bit.

908p... Real subtle cut to Jane Lynch

909p... I'm not even sure what Jodie Foster is talking about.  And I'm not sure if the audience knows it either.

911p... I really hope there is a written version of this speech somewhere online, so I can re-read this and start to decipher what just happened.  I feel like Jodie's therapist.

916p... Back from commercial... Halle Berry... Best Director

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is so bizarre!  Her boob is hanging out all weird!

917p... Ben Affleck just won Best Director for Argo... an award he wasn't even nominated for in the Academy Awards this year.  This is awesome!

919p... Josh Brolin is out to discuss "Moonrise Kingdom"... a movie I'm halfway through at this point.  Looking forward to finishing it after the awards.

@JamiesRabbits:  Ben Affleck.  We can now forget Gigli.  (I agree)

921p... Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon out to give Best TV Series Comedy/Musical... the award goes to Girls on HBO. 

922p... I should feel happy for a success story like Lena Dunham but... I just don't.

@BradJLatta:  Girls, on the other hand, doesn't sound like a show I'm ever going to watch

927p... Lena Dunham drops a Chad Lowe reference... and finally, he gets thanked for Hilary Swank's Oscar win!  Only took a decade.

@JamiesRabbits:  Chad Lowe SHOULD be namedropped.  All the time.  As my co-workers will learn this week.
Random online comment:  Girls.  The most awesome uncomfortable show ever.

Its 930, and they are about to race through the rest of these awards like a boss.

929p... Christian Bale comes out, not hitting anyone, but to give accolades to"Silver Linings Playbook".  Really want to see this film.

930p... From the category of "About time...", I really like "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers. 

931p... Jennifer Garner comes out to give Best Actor in Comedy/Musical... Hugh Jackman just won for Les Miserables.

933p... The Lovely Steph Leann is wobbly and weak. 

934p... And yes, I'm happy he won this.  He may not win the Oscar for it, but since Actor is divided up into Comedy/Musical and Drama, then he and Danie Day-Lewis can both win.  Tonight. Not on Oscar night.

938p... Jeremy Renner... straight from The Artist?  He's out to review Best Drama Movie

939p... Dustin Hoffman, director of Quartet, a movie that no one has ever heard of.   Not you, not me.  Don't jive.

940p... Best Comedy/Musical... and the winner is Les Miserables...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Oh listen.  They are playing the song that they left off the soundtrack.  Which is the theme of the whole movie, right?  What the heck?

@BradJLatta:  Who's that boy groping Amanda Seyfried?
@michaelanipp:  Probably Michael J. Fox's son
@davedollar:  Just keep Taylor Swift away from him!  And her!
@bradjlatta: Turns out it was just Anne Hathaway

And there's this:

@JamiesRabbits:  Is it wrong to wish fatal bodily harm to Mrs. Hugh Jackman so he can grieve and then meet me at a Chick-fil-A?
@davedollar:  My wife would beat you to that Cool Wrap luncheon, I promise.
@JamiesRabbits:  Sister Wives!!

947p... George Clooney is out to give Best Actress to Drama... Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty.  I almost feel like there are several locks for this year's Oscars... and Jess Chastain is one of them.

950p... And in the other lock, Best Actor for Drama... Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln.  Clooney just spits that out there like "yeah, we all know this..."

@Dougbenson:  Meryl couldn't be here because she has Streep Throat.  Goodnight!

955p...  You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.

955p... I feel like if I could have pulled that Last of the Mohicans line off successfully, I would have gotten more dates.  Just sayin'

@DanWolken:  Being in an award category with Daniel Day Lewis is like coaching against Saban in a championship game

958p... Julia Roberts sighting...

958p... Argo wins Best Picture at the Golden Globes.  Now, this throws the entire Best Picture race into all kinds of a tizzy.

959p... Argo fu.... wait a minute...

So... thats it.  Its 10pm, Campbell Isaiah is screaming his fool head off, we had too little Tina & Amy, we're all tired, my Google search doesn't work and so on and so forth. 

The 2012 Golden Globe Running Diary

So here we are, with the Golden Globes once again... in keeping with tradition, I'll blog the show bit by bit... sometimes funny, sometimes boring, rarely funny, mostly boring, it will be a trip nonetheless.

Now, its 9p, and we are starting late.  I could go into detail about how we had a great dinner with Melanie and Family, or how when we got home I had to put sheets on the bed and we had to do this and that and the other... however, I'll just use five words that most of you will understand:

We've got a kid now.

That will explain everything.

So, let's get going... Ricky Gervais is hosting again--last year, he got acclaim and criticism for his harsh joking on the celebrities, and though yes, they are people too, its hard to feel too bad when they can dry their tears with their Benjamins and sob into their silk couch cushions.  Give me a cool few million and make fun of me, I'm game.

9:07p... Yes, you say "it was 9p, why are you starting the DVR'd show at 9:07?  We've got a kid now, that's why.

9:09p... Show has started.  Ricky Gervais is out onstage, and I can tell half the stars in the audience are holding their breath, wondering if they are on target.  And he's drinking right off the bat.  "So, where was I...?" he begins.

909p... "The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars except without all that esteem.  I'm Britain's #1 comedian on the 2nd biggest awards show on the America's 3rd biggest network.  Fourth?  Okay, 4th biggest network..."

909p... Ricky makes a man-parts joke, and the camera shows Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who are unamused.  Then makes a dirty little joke about the film "The Beaver" and Jodie Foster.  You see where this is going.

914p... The opening monologue is short, and considerably--and I mean really, really--tamer that last year.  Johnny Depp comes out as the first presenter.   Ricky asks him, "Johnny... have you seen 'The Tourist' yet?"  He's got a point... its a bad, bad movie.

915p... "Hugo" is the first of the nominated Best Drama movies shown.  I'm completely on the fence about seeing it, though I've heard its great.

916p... Gerard Butler and Mila Kunis comes out... besides "300", I don't know that Gerard Butler has done anything worth watching.   Mila Kunis has actually done some great work, though, "The Book of Eli" and "Friends with Benefits" are great examples.

917p... Best Supporting Actor in a Film.  Right before we heard his name, I said aloud "Christopher Plummer gets this".  Plummer is nominated for "Beginners", a movie where an old man (Plummer) comes out of the closet after a long, hetero life.  He's a legendary actor, but I feel like this movie is this years "The Kids are Alright"... that is, this year's Gay Movie.  I expect Plummer to be on the fast track to the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

920p... Chris Plummer is still talking.  No "get off the stage" music.  I have a feeling that he is on the short list of people that the producers say, "Don't you dare play him off stage..."

How awesome would it be for him to work in how much he hates "The Sound of Music"... because in many interviews, he says just that very thing.

921p... Ashton Kutcher and Elle McPherson come out, doing the award for best actress in a Comedy or Musical.  So far, we've got Enlightened, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, The Big C and something else that I don't watch... Laura Dern gets it for Enlightened, an HBO show that I've never seen, but I'm sure is enjoyed by dozens of people every week.  Expect HBO to rack the heck up tonight.  Personally, I'd like to see Laura Linney get it, because I do like me some Laura Linney.

923p... "I like this dress she's got on.  Not the belt".  Thanks to The Lovely Steph Leann for the insight.

Julianne Moore is on my short list of people, along with Amy Adams,
DiCaprio, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise that deserve an Oscar at some point.

924p... Something for each of us.  Rob Lowe, a member in good standing of The Colin Firth Club, while for me, Julianne Moore and her awesome red hair.  The prompter fails, and someone hands the banter script to Julianne Moore.

925p... The nominees for Best TV Movie or Mini-Series.  "Cinema Verte"... "Downton Abbey"... "The Hour"... "Mildred Pierce"... "Too Big to Fail"...  I've only seen the last of those films, and it was pretty good, but not a major masterpiece to me.  I kinda feel like "Too Big to Fail" was that movie "New Years Eve" except with a smarter cast.  The winner?  "Downton Abbey", some show on PBS about old school England, which can pretty much guarantee that I will NEVER watch the show.

927p... The producer from "Downton Abbey" is speaking, and he's saying that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

928p... Rob and Julianne are back for Best Actress in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Who will win this?  Kate Winslet for "Mildred Pierce".  That's my guess... and?  Kate Winslet.  Anytime my dear Kate wins an award, I'm all for it.  She deserves 293 Golden Globes and about 102 Oscars.  Perhaps one of the top five most talented actresses alive today.

930... Christopher Plummer gets as long as he wants to talk.  Apparently Kate Winslet hasn't gotten to that status yet... she is played off stage.  Frieda Pinto comes out to introduce "Midnight in Paris".  The only reason I haven't seen this movie is that Woody Allen directed it--and I am not a Woody Allen fan at all.

933p... Jeremy Irons escorts the Hollywood Foreign Press Prez Dr. Something Somethingsomething.  The HFP is the group that does these awards every year, but I couldn't tell you anything else about them.  The camera pans to Madonna, leading The Lovely Steph Leann to say, "Why is Madonna there?  What the heck?"

934p... Jake Gyllenhaal.  He's out to introduce "My Week With Marilyn", another nominated film in the Drama category.  Another one I haven't seen.

This picture doesn't do Paula Patton's dress justice, as here
its muted.  It looked like a highlighter machine threw up
all over her.

936p... Ricky Gervais comes out again, making a joke about his agent and God, sparking an uncomfortable chuckle in the room-here and there.  Melissa McCarthy and Paula Patton come out, and the TV is filled with Paula's bright yellow dress.  Best Actor TV Series Drama.  All five shows I don't watch.  And the winner?  Starz gets one!  Kelsey Grammar wins for "Boss"!  Take that HBO!!

937p... Wait... does the Hollywood Foreign Press know that Kelsey Grammer is not playing "Frasier" anymore?  Is this why he won?

939p... Now the nominees for Best TV Series Drama.  Another set of shows I don't watch, though I think "Homeland" will be something we pick up... And "Homeland" wins!  I'm going to stick that in our Netflix queue.

942p... Adam Levine ("The Voice" plug!!) and Jimmy Fallon come out now.  The award for Best Song and Best Score is up.  Levine and Fallon are doing a schtick, and the camera shows George Clooney, who isn't even cracking a slight smile.  Best Score is first.  All five movies I've never seen.  My guess is "The Artist" and... I'll be right.  The Lovely Steph Leann remarks, "I'm a little disappointed in all of those nominees..."

945p... The winner is a Frenchman, and he says in broken English, "I'm sorry... I'm French..." and then tries to make a joke in broken English.  Doesn't work.  Best Song award is next... Gnomeo and Juliet's song... Machine Gun Preacher's song... Albert Nobbs' song... The Help's song... W.E.'s song... which is from Madonna, which makes both of us go, "Ahh... thats why she's there."

947p... Madonna wins.  Leads to this exchange:

Her:  What is "W.E."?  I haven't heard of half these movies!  When did that happen!
Me: Uh... we have a kid now.
Her:  And her dress?  Its horrible.

950p... Who the heck is this chick?  Upon seeing this foreign chick's dress, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't say a word... she just slightly gasps.

951p... Debra Messing AND My Girl McPhee?  Holy crap.  Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Winner?  Idris Elba in... "Luther"?  Is that the name of it?  I know this guy as the Gatekeeper guy in "Thor".

953p... Brad Pitt walks out.  Millions of women my age collapse in a tizzy.  He introduces "The Ides of March", which was a great movie.

Beckinsale's face is genuine--she had no idea Seth was going to say it

955p... Seth Rogan and Kate Beckinsale walk out together... and Seth deadpans, "I'm Seth Rogan and I'm currently trying to conceal a..."... well, he says he's turned on.  Kate is cracking up, so I'm not sure that line was planned.  Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, winner is Michelle Williams.  She will now be the second-runner to Meryl Streep in the Best Actress Race.  A chick from Dawson's Creek takes home a Golden Globe.

955p... Seth Rogan's one inappropriate joke > Ricky Gervais' entire monologue thusfar.

958p... Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Geller come out for Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini Series or TV Movie.  Winner?  Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones, for which he also won the Emmy some months back.  That's awesome... Short People Rule!  Dinklage says, "My mom said to me 'Have you seen Mildred Pierce?  Its so good!  Guy Pierce is going to win!'"

1001p... Ricky comes back out, drink in hand, introducing George Clooney, who walks out with a cane.  He introduces "Moneyball", another fantastic movie... like "The Ides of March", I think its a movie that gets better the more I think about it, and I'm looking forward to seeing both of them again.

1003p... Channing Tatum and Jessica Alba come out--I'm not sure putting both of their talents together would equal the right fingers of Kate Winslet or Colin Firth.  But hey, Channing was awesome in "She's the Man", right?  Right.

1003p... Best Animated Film, and honestly, I don't think there was a whole lot of strong animated movies.  "Cars 2" is nominated, but without a strong Pixar movie to win, I don't know who takes it.  "Rango", maybe?  The winner?  "The Adventures of Tintin", a movie that could care less about seeing.

1004p... I would imagine this award means as much to Steven Spielberg as his Blockbuster Entertainment Awards.

1006p... Ewen McGregor comes on the stage, introducing a wonderful movie as a best comedy nominee, "50/50".  I think more people should see this movie.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogan and Anna Kendrick are awesome, and this movie appears on the first post of The Coolest 100 Things of 2011.

1008p... Clive Owen and Nicole Kidman for Screenplay.  "Midnight in Paris"... "The Ides of March"... "The Artist"... "The Descendants"... "Moneyball".  And the Golden Globe goes to... Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", who isn't there.  Uncomfortable.

1009p... Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy, a real life couple, does a little song together that gets a huge applause.  Very cute.  Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-Seires or TV Movie.  The winner is... Jessica Lange for "American Horror Story", a show I've never seen, but I've heard its scary and weird and awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is an American Horror Story on its own.

Another American Horror Story?  The fact that Jessica Lange also won a Golden Globe for the 70s version of "King Kong".  Wow, what a crappy film.

1013p... Back with Ricky, who introduces "The queen of pop... no, not you Elton John...  she's 'like a virgin", then coughs loudly.  Madonna comes out, saying "If I'm like a virgin, come over and do something about it--I haven't kissed a girl in a while."  There is laughter, but not much.  Foreign Film nominees.  The winner?  "A Separation" from Iran.  I wonder if they checked the cast and producers for bombs as they came in.   I also wonder if he publicly calls the US "The Great Satan", if Sean Penn would hop on stage and hug him.

1016p... Dustin Hoffman, Hollywood legend!  This is Best Actress TV Series Drama.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I both cheer when Callie Thorn is announced as a nominee for "Necessary Roughness"... what a great show.  Claire Danes wins for "Homeland"!  I like Claire Danes.  What a lovely lady.  

1022p... Emily Blunt comes out to introduce "Bridesmaids", one of my favorite films of 2011.  Absolutely hysterical.

1023p... Jane Lesbian Lynch and Tina Fey come on stage to do Best Actor TV Series Comedy or Musical.  Or as Jane says, "Music-Cal".  The winner is... Matt Le Blanc for "Episodes", as he plays a parody of himself. Four nominations, all for Friends, but no wins... good times.

Dr. Drake Remore gets a Golden Globe.  I love it.

1026p... People's "Sexiest Man Alive", Bradley Cooper is here to introduce the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture.  Octavia Spencer will win this... and the winner is... Octavia Spencer.  She looks humble, but she had to know she was the front runner for this--and the Oscar now.  She gets a partial standing ovation from the crowd, and is stopped by like, 9 people on the way to the stage.

Me: This is going to be a speech about black women everywhere.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Of course it is.

Yup.  Four seconds in, and we get a Martin Luther King reference.

For anyone who has seen that movie, would you be a little apprehensive if she served chocolate pie at her award party?

1030p... Reese Witherspoon.  Yeah!  Let me tell you, I'm guessing she won't be doing the Bend & Snap in that dress.

She introduces "The Descendants", a movie that I really, really want to see, mostly because I know its one of maybe two leads for Best Picture for the Academy Awards.  And with George Clooney at his table?  Stacy Kiebler, former WCW and WWE Diva.  Rock on!

1031p... Sidney Poitier comes out to award Morgan Freeman with the CC DeMille Award... Sidney is given a huge standing ovation.   I know I'm getting old because no longer are these lifetime awards given to the 50s and 60s stars like Deborah Kerr or Spencer Tracy or Burt Lancaster... no, we are watching actors that we've grown up with get LIFETIME Achievement Awards. Wow.

And Morgan Freeman is so deserving of this very thing.  What a phenomenal actor, and what an incredible narration voice.  Helen Mirren comes out and says, "I have had a few glasses of wine, so excuse me when I complain that Morgan Freeman has been in over 50 films and I've only been in one."

I wonder if they asked Morgan Freeman to narrate the Morgan Freeman
tribute.  I want him to narrate my funeral.  Can anyone help with that?

Among the many awesome movies Morgan Freeman has done, here is My Favorite Morgan Freeman Roles:

10) Lucius Fox in "Batman Begins" & "The Dark Knight"
9) Azeem in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"
8) Hoke Colburn in "Driving Miss Daisy"
7-tie) Jim in "Hard Rain"
7-tie) Joe Matheson in "Red"
6) God in "Bruce Almighty"
4) Ned Logan in "Unforgiven"
3) Det. William Somerset in "Se7en"
2) Rawlins in "Glory"
1) Red in "The Shawshank Redemption"

He truly is one of the Greatest American Actors Ever.  Hats off to you, Mr. Freeman.

The Lovely Steph Leann also points out that he does the voice of The Hall of Presidents--true.  And despite the presence of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, that makes it great.

1046p... Robert Downey Jr is here to introduce "The Artist", a movie I think I want to see, but I'm not sure.

1048p... Angelina Jolie comes out, and hardens my resolve that I not find her attractive, ever.  She looks ghastly.  Best Director... Ides of March... Midnight in Paris... The Descendants... Hugo... The Artist... and the winner is... Martin Scorcese for Hugo.  Very interesting...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Angelina's arms are so teeny.  Like, the size of Campbell's arms.

1051p... Ricky again.  "I can't wait to introduce Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas!  I think they are interesting, I'm not sure because I [NBC bleeps out what he says]".  Salma and Antonio come out, and the entire bit by them is silenced.  Even the nominees for Best TV Series Comedy or Musical is quiet.  The picture goes haywire... and Modern Family wins the award.  What the heck?

1054p... Michelle Pfieffer, a legendary Hollywood beauty, comes out to introduce "War Horse".  With no desire to see this film, I think I've realized I'm not a fan of horse movies.  I've never seen, nor do I care to see, "Secretariat", "Sea Biscuit", "Sand Biscuit Hidalgo", "Black Beauty" or any of those.  "Hot to Trot" was kinda funny, though.

I put Jessica Biel in the Angelina Jolie All Stars for me--that is,
those chicks who the world tells me that I'm supposed to be
all hot for, but I don't see the appeal.  Sorry.

1055p... Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel comes out, and The Lovely Steph Leann gives the line of the night... "Ugh!  That dress!  Its like she has a third boob!"  Its true.  Its like Jess Biel is a Sister Wife.

The winner for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical goes to Jean Dejlua?idh for "The Artist".

1058p... Queen Latifah is introduced, and she's introducing "The Help" as a nominee for Best Movie.

1101p... Ricky is out again, introducing Colin Firth.  The Lovely Steph Leann swoons.  Ricky Gervais then makes fun of the fact that Colin Firth is talented, acclaimed and loved by all.  "But what you don't know is that he's very racist.  Here's the evil Colin Firth!"  Best Actress in a Drama Movie... the winner is... Meryl Streep of course.  That's my prediction, anyway... so, the actual winner is:  Meryl Streep.  We knew this.  She says, "I'm so glad that Ricky Gervais' deal fell through and they came to me to play Margaret Thatcher..."  I think she curses again, because the sound cuts out.  This is NBC, though.

1105p... Meryl is still talking.  She gets that "extra long speech time", though the music just kicked in.

1106p... Jane Fonda follows suit onto the stage, now is giving the award for Best Musical or Comedy.  50/50... The Artist... Bridesmaids... Midnight in Paris... My Week with Marilyn... and we know this.  The Artist picks up another win.   I dunno if a dog has anything to do with the movie, but there is a puppy onstage that some of the cast is playing with.

1110p... Ricky Gervais now brings out Natalie Portman, who won last year for Black Swan, a movie I haven't seen and am on the fence about.  Best Actor Movie Drama.  George Clooney... Leo DiCaprio... Michael Fassbender... Brad Pitt... Ryan Gosling... the Golden Globe goes to... George Clooney for "The Descendants".   Another predictable winner tonight.

1114p... This must be the final award of the night, because it brings out cranky Harrison Ford, and they are rushing through this list of Best Drama Movie... and the winner is... "The Descendants".  Right here, right now, I call it--a two film race for Best Picture at the Academy Awards between this and The Artist, with The Descendants getting it.

And that is your 2012 Golden Globes!  I know, I know, its a day late, its hurried, and I'm sure I missed some stuff... but hey...

We've got a kid now.

The 68th Annual Golden Globes

This is a week late, but I did want to post it finally... our computer was down until mid-week, and because American Idol came on, I never got it up.  So, here is the running diary of the Golden Globes...

So, this is being typed on a Word Document, while nibbling on some Papa John’s. The lovely Steph Leann is on the other couch, also nibbling on pizza, and we are set to watch the whateverth annual Golden Globes Awards… 68th, as Ricky Gervais just said!

7p… Ricky Gervais is out, and onto his monologue, which is usually all about the celebrities, with zingers and jabs tossed freely. First up, Charlie Sheen, of course. And now its onto “The Tourist”, insulting it, as Johnny Depp looks on from the audience. Next to “Sex in the City 2”, and then to gay Scientologists (I can only assume he is jabbing Tom Cruise and John Travolta)… yeah!

705p… The first award, presented by Scarlett Johansson!  I’m not a ScarJo loyalist, but she looks great tonight. The award is Supporting Actor in a Movie. Noms including Chrisitan Bale, Edward Garfield, Geoffrey Rush, Mike Douglas and someon else I didn't catch before the winner was announced.

The winner is? Christian Bale for “The Fighter”… this is the first award out of many he’s going to get from now until Oscar season, when he wins the Supporting Oscar actor. Its weird hearing him talking in his regular British accent, cause I’m so used to hearing him be deep and throaty Bruce Wayne, and loud and obnoxious in The Fighter. It also stars Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

709p… Here’s LL Cool J and Julie Bowen for lead actress in a TV Drama. And the winner? Katie Segal for “Sons of Anarchy”. Never seen the show, but I’ve heard its intense, awesome and manly. Camera cuts to Ed O’Neill who is clapping and smiling for Katie’s win. Very cool.

716p… And now here’s Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey… Julianne has a horrible dress, and likely no bra. Shame. Best TV Movie/Mini-Series. The Pacific is nominated and I’m guessing its going to win.. though “Temple Grandin” is also nominated. Tough. And the winner? “Carlos” wins, whatever the heck that is.

While the Hispanic director is talking in the broken English, I’ll point out that every year, the person who helps present the awards is called “Miss Golden Globe”, and it’s a chick who is the daughter of a prominent actor or actress. This year’s Miss Golden Globe is Gia Mantegna, who is the daughter of actor Joe Mantegna… she looks a lot like him, but she’s beautiful, so go figure.

720p… Ricky is back up. There is confusion on stage, as the Mexican crew scatters, unsure where to go from there. Ricky then says, “you know this next actor from such films as…” and he goes on to name some horrendous films like “Hudson Hawk” and “Mercury Rising”… Ricky says, “And here is Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis!”

Bruce walks out with a smirk, introducing a film nominated for Best Comedy or Musical, that being “Red”… which was a fun, fun movie.

722p… From “Country Strong”, which is a movie I have no desire to see, here are two people that I don’t care about… Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Mini-Series/Movie. I’m rooting for Scott Caan, but I’m thinking the Extremely Gay Chris Colfer from Glee will get it.

And the winner is? The Extremely Gay Chris Colfer. And to me, its because he’s as gay as a football bat. The Lovely Steph Leann defends him, saying, “Well, maybe, but its also because he’s so awesome!”. No, its because he’s a flamer. Matter of fact, I’m surprised he’s not kissing a guy right now.  Lea Michelle is crying, which is actually kinda sweet.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, mind you, but still...

My prediction? You’ll hear some magazine, website or the like tell us that Chris Colfer’s win was important for the gay community.

Here is Michelle, circa 1989, from "The Fabulous Baker
Boys"... by the way, an absolutely fabulous drama.

729p… Michelle Pfieffer comes out… let me tell ya, back in the day, she was The Stuff. Back in the late 80s, early 90s, she was everything that Angelina Jolie is today, and more. Michelle was amazing. She still looks great. She’s introducing the next Best Comedy Movie nominee, “Alice in Wonderland”.

731p… Eva Longoria, sans Parker, almost fell. She usually looks great, but tonight she looks especially classy. Its like he was saying “Hey Tony… check this out. You had this. But you lost it. Sucka.” Tony, you’re a friggin’ idiot.

The president of The Hollywood Foreign Press comes out, and his name is Philip Berk. I immediately think of the obnoxious guy I knew in college named Philip Burke. He was a Lambda Chi Alpha, and I think student body president at one time. But this guy is not that Philip Burke—though that would be funny.

733p… Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovavich is giving the award for Best Drama Series. Actors from Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter and House are nominated as usual, along with Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire”… and Steve wins. I thought that show was great… but it’s a little too much. Too much sex, too much violence, the language is horrible, and I just couldn’t get into it. But it’s a well done show, and its cool to see That Guy Hall of Famer Steve Buscemi get himself an award. He says, “Im going to talk fast, before that sad music comes on!”

737p… And here’s are the Best Drama nominees… Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead… and the winner? Boardwalk Empire. I do eventually want to see Dexter, The Good Wife and The Walking Dead, which are all on the list to watch on DVD. And I’ve got Mad Men coming on Netflix.

Can’t believe they are doing the Best Drama already! And Mark Wahlberg is on stage? He is in this show? What did I miss?

743p… Andrew Garfield, himself a nominee for “The Social Network”, is out to introduce… well, “The Social Network”… he stumbled over the teleprompter, eliciting a few laughs. By the way, “The Social Network”? One of the five best movies of last year, I gotta say.

745p… Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are out to present Original Song, after some horribly written banter that they awkwardly read from the teleprompter. Burlesque is nominated twice—I’ve been hearing that is a awful movie. The song from Tangled is nominated, but doesn’t win. “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me” from Burlesque wins, and The Lovely Steph Leann is disappointed it wasn’t “See The Light” from "Tangled".

749p… And Alec and J-Lo comes back up to give out Original Score. Danny Elfman’s “Alice in Wonderland” is nominated, and I thought that music was brilliant. Inception is also nominated, and that movie’s music is fantastic. The winner? Trent Reznor for “The Social Network”, and I can’t complain, because it did set a great tone for that film. Nine Inch Nails now has a Golden Globe.

755p… The young chick from "True Grit" comes out—she was amazing in that film—and Justin Bieber—I’ll refrain from the jokes—comes out with her to give out the award for Best Animated Film. I’m guessing "Toy Story 3" will take this, but I’m fearful that “How to Train Your Dragon” will be the dark horse. I wouldn’t have a problem with "Tangled" winning this, but I don’t know how "Toy Story 3" can’t win.

And the winner? "Toy Story 3", in one of the least shocking wins of the whole night. The director comes up, and takes the award, and turns to Hallie Steinfeld and The Beebs and says, “Were you two even born when the first one came out?” to which they both just smirk at him.

759p… Ricky says, “I love this guy, star of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', 'Two Guys and Girl', 'Bowfinger'… I’m sorry, are these porn films?”  Then he makes the obligatory "RDJ spent time in prison" joke that always comes around when RDJ makes an appearance.

And of course, its Robert Downey Jr! He has gone from cool to jerk to cool again in his career. And he gives a hilarious monologue on the nominees about how, in his career, he’s gotten with everyone one of them… and when he gets to young Emma Stone, its fantastic. Award for Best Actress Comedy or Musical. I’m afraid Annette Bening or Julianne Moore will get it for The Kids are Alright, because that movie was horrific. Annette Bening gets it.

Chris Colfer is somewhere in the back shouting “Hooray For Gay!”

I haven't done a review yet, but "The
Fighter" was a great film.  Great story, great
acting, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love
with.

809p… Sylvester Stallone comes out. Lets see how much we can understand. He’s here to introduce a film for Best Movie Drama, “The Fighter”, starring Golden Globe winner Christian Bale, Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch and Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

811p… Tilda Swinton comes out with Geoffrey Rush, and I gotta say, Tilda Swinton is one of the most unattractive chicks ever, with an eccentric fashion style. Eccentric means terrible. Heres the award for Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini-Series. Winner is Al Pacino for the Jack Kavorkian story, “You Don’t Know Jack”. Wanted to see it.  And Al talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Aaaand talks.

815p… My guess is the guy starting the Wrap Up Music is about to push the button, and someone who makes more than him says, “Dude! No! That’s AL PACINO! You don’t wrap up Al Pacino!” And they didn’t.

Up next, Actress for TV Movie/Mini-Series. Claire Danes wins for “Temple Grandin”, which she won the Emmy for as well. I’ve never seen the film, and really don’t expect to either—not that I don’t think its great, but it just doesn’t interest me—but its supposed to be an awesome film. Its right up The Lovely Steph Leann’s alley, so she can see it, and I’m sure she’ll tell me how great it is when she sees it on The Hallmark Channel or The Hallmark Movie Channel.

823p… Zac Efron is out now to introduce “The Kids are Alright” as a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical. I’m thinking this will win. Why? Because its gay.

825p… Ricky tells us that Tina Fey and Steve Carell are coming out, but not before dissing on Steve for leaving The Office after this season, “killing that cash cow for both of us!” The award is Best Screenplay. Tina: Here’s a movie that ruined our ability to interact with one another… Steve: I heard about that film on Facebook from a friend I’ve never met.

The winner? Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. Its based on a book called “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, who also wrote “Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions”, which was made into the Kevin Spacey movie called "21".  Book is good, "21" was okay. I plan on downloading The Accidental Billionaires next month as my Audible.com selection.

829p… Chris Helmsworth, the new Thor, and Chris Evans, the new Captain America, are giving out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Mini or Movie.   Their banter is terrible.  Why am I not a writer at one of these shows?   Take me, Scotty Latta and Hurricane Rhett, and I guarantee the jokes would be funnier than anything you've ever heard in your life.  Ever.

And the old lady they cut to when announcing Julia Stiles for “Dexter” was NOT Julia Stiles. The winner, though, is Jane Lynch for Glee… she also won an Emmy for this last September.  And Lea Michelle is crying.  That's... well, it is kinda sweet again, I guess.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, but still...

836p… Ricky introduces Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, saying, “Here to present an award that no one in America cares about, the Best Foreign Film!” He’s right. Denmark’s “In a Better World” wins, and I really could care less.

838p… Out comes the most attractive 93 year old in America—no, not Betty White—it’s Helen Mirren! She’s out to announce the nomination of “The King’s Speech”, starring the president of The Colin Firth Club, that being Colin Firth himself…

Okay, so what is The Colin Firth Club? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel like we’re getting new readers all the time (wishful hoping?) so I thought I’d explain again… It’s a small group of actors and musicians that The Lovely Steph Leann finds herself a little hot for. Whilst I have my Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Chenoweth, Martina McBride, Lesley Mann and Kate Winslet, she has The Colin Firth Club.

The Lovely Steph Leann would never cheat on me. If Jake Gyllenhaal ever propositioned my wife, I am positive she’d say, “Yeah, thanks, I’m honored, but no. I gotz a man.” Then he’d say, “What yo’ man got to do with me?” and she’d say, “I ain’t try to hear that, see!” I’m Positive (K)!

However comma

If Colin Firth propositioned The Lovely Steph Leann, I’m pretty sure she’d say no. She’d hesitate. She’d probably give it a few seconds, and maybe flush and stammer, but ultimately she’d say no. Other guys that would elicit this reaction include Hugh Jackman, Bradley Whitford (in West Wing days, not so sure now), Patrick Dempsey, Hugh Grant and Jon Bon Jovi. Thus, The Colin Firth Club.

840p… Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, two extremely attractive people no matter the color, are here to announce the award for Best Actress in a TV Series. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C… what can top gaydom? Cancer! If there was movie with a gay guy with cancer, its sweeping these awards.

846p… Here comes Jane Fonda! Screen legend! Have you ever seen any of her movies? She doesn’t have much on her resume. Yet, she’s a screen legend. And she’s here to show off “Burlesque”, a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical.

847p… Two people I don’t know are announcing Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Series… the winner is Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”, which is a show that I’ve never seen, but I’m hearing that this show is getting better and better as the years go on.

850p… Jeremy Irons is giving out the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie, and sounds almost like a Jeremy Irons imitation, though he’s actually him. Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, is nominated for The Fighter, but it goes to the other chick in the film, Melissa Leo. And really, she kinda deserves it, because her part was great.

Just saw a McDonald’s commercial that features a guy coming through the drive thru, whispering his order, and continuing to lap the building without stopping. The somewhat attractive and seemingly smart young chick behind the drive thru mic is confused. He whispers into the speaker again as he drives by slowly. The young chick glances in the backseat as he rides by and sees a baby. The third time he rolls around and whispers, she whispers back his order, and its all sweet and cute and such. Do do do da doooo… I’m lovin’ it.



There are a number of falsehoods in this commercial.


First, I’m sure there are pretty people that work at McDonald’s, somewhere, somehow, so that’s not an issue. But the fact that she’s understandable is unrealistic.


Secondly, no one whispers in that drive thru. Right off the bat, you get a really clear voice that says in a perky voice, “Hi, would you like to try (insert whatever they are promoting at the time)!?” You think, “Ah, someone understandable!” and you say, “No thank you, but I would like to get (insert what nutritional combination you actually do want)".  A pause.  Then you get some chick who can barely talk intelligently, and has a tendancy to start speaking before she hits the drive thru mic button, and then turns the mic off before she's done talking... you hear "...getta number four and what you want to dr..." in a loud voice.

What happened to the pleasant voice you heard first??  Ah... it was a recording.  It was a a tease, thinking you'll have an understandable drive thru experience.  Then you realize... this ain't Starbucks.

So that commercial is full of crap.   

858p… Matt Damon is out to give the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro… gotta tell ya, Robert DeNiro IS a screen legend. Who cares about Jane Fonda? DeNiro has done some incredible films, but has also done some real, real crap.

My favorite Bobby DeNiro films include “Midnight Run”, #56 on The Dave100… “Heat”, #87 on The Dave100… “Goodfellas”… “Casino”… “Untouchables”... and yeah, he was pretty funny in “Analyze This”. And no, I didn’t like “Analyze That”, or any other feature where the characters are named “Focker”.

Like all actors, he’s made some turkeys, including “The Fan”, “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle”, “A Shark Tale” and “Showtime”. And I tried to watch “Ronin” three different times… couldn’t get into it. The car chase was spectacular, as its been hyped to be, but the movie couldn’t keep me interested after that.

Robert DeNiro is an actor that everyone loves, and there’s a huge ovation that lasts for several minutes. He quips that “I’m glad this award was announced two months ago, well before you had time to review ‘Little Fockers’” which gets an uncomfortable laugh from the audience. He also says that “Awakenings” was one of his favorites. Anyway, I’m glad it went to Bobby DeNiro instead of someone I'm barely aware of.

913p… Megan Fox comes out, and I’m still unimpressed. Someone is who is completely overrated and overhyped is fittingly announcing an overrated and overhyped film, “The Tourist”.

914p… Annette Bening comes out to give the Best Director Award. As I thought, David Fincher for “The Social Network” takes the prize. Its kinda of surprising, though, that such a mainstream film has been taking so many awards and such. Fincher is also the director of The Dave100 film “Se7en”, as well as “Benjamin Button” and “Fight Club”.

917p… Jimmy Fallon and the smoldering January Jones come out to give out the award for Best TV Series Music or Comedy, in another bit of awkward banter. And The Lovely Steph Leann squeals in delight as Glee picks up the award for Best TV Comedy/Musical Series. At least the show has Jayma Mays, who I kinda think is pretty… not tonight, but usually.

923p… And here’s Alicia Keys to tell us about “Black Swan.” I am not sure if I want to see this movie or not… part of me does, but part of me figures it will be like “Brokeback Mountain”, that is, I should see it because of all the nominations, but once Oscar time rolls around and passes us by, I can skip it.

925p… Halle Berry comes out to give the Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Award, to which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti gets the award for “Barney’s Version”, a film that I know soooo little about.

932p… Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who might be the coolest cat in any movie in 2010, is out to tell us about “Inception”, which to me was the best movie of 2010. I loved every single thing about this movie. The fight scene in the hallway with JGL was amazing.

933p… Jeff Bridges, who Hollywood loves like crazy right now, comes out to give out the Best Actress in a Drama Movie. Right before they announce Natalie Portman’s name, I say it out loud. And then Jeff Bridges says, “Natalie Portman, Black Swan.”

937p… Wow, we haven’t seen Ricky Gervais in like, an hour. He spends 45 seconds introducing Tom Hanks, then says, “the other guy is… Tim Allen…” Here’s the award for Best Comedy or Musical… and The Kids are Alright is probably going to win.



Julianne Moore and her offending dress

The winner is? The Kids are Alright. Yep. Its Award Day To Be Gay.
The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, “Her [Julianne Moore] dress is horrific! I cannot get over that!”

946p… Ricky comes out and introduced Sandra Bullock… with quite an intro. Funny stuff. Here is the award for Best Actor Movie Drama… The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for her Colin Firth… and when he wins, she shouts “YEESS!!!!”, with her arm in the air.

So, I expect Colin Firth to win the Oscar, though a Jesse Eisenberg win for “The Social Network” wouldn’t shock me… though I’m guessing that Colin Firth will get the one award given to recognize The Kings Speech, so The Social Network can pick up everything else… and Jesse Eisenberg loses out.

953p… During the commercial break, I looked up at The Lovely Steph Leann and asked, “What’s left?” She thinks, and says, “Drama TV?” I replied, “Boardwalk Empire.” She says, “Wow, I guess that’s it then.”

954p… And cancer free Michael Douglas comes out for the Best Movie Award, and gets a standing ovation. He even says, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation…”

The winner, en route to an Academy Award for Best Picture in February? “The Social Network”.

Gotta tell ya… though I hate that its taking away all the momentum that Inception was getting, if this wins the Oscar I won’t be bothered… it was a great film. It was an amazing film, from the acting to the story to the effects to the music… and its so much more than a movie about Facebook… its about friendship, its about loyalty, its about betrayal, its about business. Its great. I know that Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) didn’t like it, but I’m hoping that she at least appreciated it.

So there’s your Golden Globes. Your Oscar nominations will be announced in a few weeks or so, and I’ll be right here, doing my annual running diary during the awards show!

The Kids Are Alright Is All Wrong

I love countdowns and rankings and lists of things that are good and lists of things that are bad, and so on and so forth... and at the end of the year, I spend hours looking at Year End Best and Year End Worst of just about anything. 

And every year, I even do my own Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year... and every year, when it comes to movies, I like to find my ten favorite films of the year.  And the last week of the year, I try to bear down and see a few films that I might have missed before the midnight bells chime, bringing 2011 to our doorsteps.

Random picture of The Goddess, only because I haven't
mentioned her in quite a while.

Right now, The Lovely Steph Leann and I are watching "The Kids Are Alright", starring three people that I really, really like... Annette Bening, who does one of my favorite roles of all time in my 30th favorite film of all time... Julianna Moore, who is one of my favorite actresses and was a pre-goddess to me before The Goddess became The Goddess (and before I fell in love with Amy Adams, of course)... and Mark Ruffalo, who happens to be likable in just about anything and everything.

So, Annette and Julianne play Nic and Jules, respectively, who are lesbians in love, and are mothers to two kids, Joni and Laser.  Yes, Laser.  So, the kids end up finding out who did the "donation" to make their own lives possible, and they end up meeting him, and hilarity, heartbreak, drama and issues ensue.

I can say this, even before the movie is finished playing out... its well acted.  All three leads, Bening, Moore and Ruffalo are playing their own parts perfectly, the story is well done, and the plot, for what its worth, is consistent with no holes or silliness to drag it down.

But... a Christ Follower, how does one enjoy such a film?  The premise of the film itself, two lesbians and their relationship, disrupted by the sudden appearance of their children's sperm donor, spits in the face of what we as Christ Followers believe to be true, right and just according to Scripture and our own belief in God. 

Let's be clear here... I love movies.  I love watching movies, I love how they make me feel, I love breaking apart a film to dissect it, I love thinking about movies that stick with me, I love enjoying Craptastic films that aren't supposed to be anything other than Crapstatic.  And yes, I enjoyed "The Hangover".  And yes, I get a kick of watching "American Pie 2".  And I did see "Boogie Nights" and thought it, taking into consideration the premise again, was a very well done film. 

So to sit here and say "Oh, I can handle the potty humor of 'The Hangover' and I think its hilarious!" and then follow it up with "'Boogie Nights' was enjoyable and Julianne Moore was awesome!" (which, by the way, she was), only to turn around and say, "I don't like the premise of 'The Kids are Alright' because its just too wrong," is a little hypocritical.  But yet, I will say those very things.

What's the difference?  I dunno.  I don't pretend to know.  I never saw "Brokeback Mountain", and not because I am homophobic... I never saw it mostly because all the things I'd heard from people around me was what I suspected--take out the man on man relationship and make it a normal (and I said normal, get over it) man on woman relationship, and its suddenly a boring film about a bad romance, with beautiful scenery.  So, knowing the movie isn't that good, why do I want to see two guys getting it on?  I don't, and I haven't.

So, back to "The Kids Are Alright"... the language is raw.  Tons of F-Bombs.  Julianne Moore is naked, though she does that in many of her films.  There are several, and I mean several, sex scenes.  The lesbian couple watches gay porn to stimulate their own relationship.  The son is named Laser.  These are all the things that are wrong about this film.   As a movie fan, I'm sure you can catch this on Hurricane Rhett's favorite channel, Logo, in a year or so, or maybe the Oprah Network or something later.  As a Christ Follower, I have to tell you, avoid it.  Just avoid it at all costs.

However... if you want to see brilliance from these three leads...

Julianne Moore: 
"Evolution"... one of the most enjoyable, funny pieces of crap ever put on film.  Its stupid, its idiotic, and its hilarious. 
"Children of Men"... its bleak, its dark, its futuristic and its amazingly done
"Boogie Nights"... I can't recommend this film to you, because its the life of a porn star.  I would tell you to watch it on one of those "Cut out the bad parts!" devices you can find at LifeWay, but all you'd see would be a title card and the credits.  But Julianne Moore is phenomenal in it.

However, since we are discussing to good lookin' Julianne Moore and her films... avoid at all costs "The Forgotten", one of the single worst films I've ever seen in my whole life.  Its awful.  Its terrible.  And what's worse is, it starts out as a really good film... and then tanks, hard.  Bad.  Its terrible. 

Annette Bening:
"Mars Attacks"... talk about stupid and brilliant, at the same time.  A great cast, and a great turn by Bening.
"The Grifters"... Once again, its a R rated film with a lot to it, but its a great story and a great movie all around.  John Cusack is especially awesome.
"The American President"... I cannot tell you how much I love this film.  I came up with the term "A Sydney Ellen Wade" performance for Annette Bening's turn as the love interest of President Shepherd.   Every scene she's in, she shines, every word she speaks, she glows and few times have I ever seen someone look so good on camera.  Except Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. 

Mark Ruffalo:

"13 Going On 30"... Yes, its a silly rom-com, and yes, Jennifer Garner has The McGriddle Effect all over her, but Mark Ruffalo is just charming enough to make guys like him, and make The Lovely Steph Leann jus swoon.
"Shutter Island"... He co-stars with Leo DiCaprio, and holds up well.  The movie is a little over-ambitious, and it almost pulls off being a mind-blowing cinematic experience, only to end up being a really good film with a somewhat predictable twist... but that's not on Ruffalo.
"Collateral"... When making the 2010 edition of The Dave100, I struggled with this film.  See it for Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise, and how good they are.  And enjoy Ruffalo's supporting role. 

But avoid "The Kids Are Alright".