The 2012 Oscar Live Blog Running Diary Thing Post Column

Before we get started, you must note two things... (1) I got a new laptop.  I'm not typing on that laptop at this second, I'm still on my old one, but for reasons I'll explain later, I got a new laptop.  (2) My Internet connection worked fine at 550pm.  Because I had a simple problem with a forgotten password on my router, meaning to connect to the interweb on the new laptop I had to get it reset, it seemed like a simple fix.  However, combine that problem with an idiot from AT&T named Chris McBride (yeah, you) telling me to do something stupid which shut my entire wireless system down...

...90 minutes later, two router resets, a page scribbled with random multi-letter and number passwords and about 982 visits to "control panel", I finally got connected.  My old laptop and the new one.  However, The Lovely Steph Leann's laptop is not connecting at all, no matter what we do.

So now, there was over an hour on the phone with some chick named Angel, then the dinner dash I made that was supposed to be made around 6pm, not at 748p, and here it is, 820p, and we are 50 minutes behind the program's starting time...

SO... that being said, lets get the Oscar Blog On!

821p... From the Hollywood Center, formerly the Kodak Theater though Kodak got its name off of it due to its bankruptcy, its the 84th Academy Awards.

833p... Now we finally get to start it.  And due to the DVR limitations of recording a certain amount of time, plus a hollerin' three month old, we are finally starting.  Plus, we have missed part of the opening of Billy Crystal's Oscar hosting.  That dude Chris McBride?  He sucks. 

836p...  Billy comes out and calls the arena the "chapter 11 theater..." Wonderful!   We missed Billy.

840p... Its his 9th time hosting, and he refers to himself as a "war horse", and I'm glad he's back.  He does his traditional all-best-pic-nom-inclusive opening musical number, and with camera pans to Clooney, Pitt and many others, they are glad he's back too.

841p... The first award of the night!  Tom Hanks comes out to Cinematography... what is cinematography?  I dunno.  I think landscapes, but who knows.  I picked "Hugo" and I won!   Hanks is now giving out Art Direction, and I can tell this is a night where the Oscar producers are like, "Hey, lets go go go... get this thing moving now."  I picked "The Artist", and it looks like "Hugo" wins again. 

847p...  Billy says, "At the 'Your name here' theater..."  Another funny shot at Kodak. 

849p... Being a movie fan, I love love looooove these movie clip montages, because I know I've seen most of them--this one has everything from "Jaws" to "Cape Fear" to "There's Something About Mary".  Its gotta be cool as an actor to watch other movies too, to truly understand the craft and the effort. 

851p... Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come out, both in white, willowy dresses.  J-Lo and Cam-D give a nod to 8 time Oscar winner Edith Head, and are here to give Costume Design... I chose "The Artist" in this.  And the winner is... "The Artist"!  That's 2-1 for me tonight...

853p... J-Lo and Cam-D are racing through this category, now for "Best Makeup".  I went with "Albert Nobbs", a movie that I can almost certainly guarantee by 103% that I will never, ever, never, never, ever see.  Nothing about that movie interests me at all.  Just sayin'.

855p... And the Oscar goes to "The Iron Lady", the Margaret Thatcher movie that again, I will be very unlikely to ever see.  Not that I'm anti-Thatch... just doesn't interest me.  Sorry if you are a M-Thatch fan.   So I'm 2-2 thus far.

I guess its time to tell you about our Oscar Challenge... myself, my buddy Mikey, my buddy Drewski and Hurricane Rhett have this little thing going, as described on the latest episode of The Deucecast.  We all picked our winners, and whoever comes out first wins.  And the winner will require the other three to watch whatever movie the winner chooses... which means I could easily make Hurricane Rhett watch the Amanda Bynes' classic "Sydney White", and make Drewski watch the immortal "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, and of course, Mikey would get to see Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shine in "It Takes Two".  I hope I win.

857p... Various celebrities are telling us their first movies they've ever seen.  I can tell you the few that I remember first... "Every Which Way But Loose", with Clint Eastwood and Clyde the orangutan... "The Muppet Movie"... and "The Shining".   Yep.  At 5 years old, I'm sitting at a drive-in watching an evil hotel possess Jack Nicholson. 

The Lovely Steph Leann says she remembers "ET" and "Annie" first.  "ET" is fabulous.  "Annie"... not so much.

859p... Sandra Bullock is out to give the Best Foreign Film award, and she gives it in Mandarin Chinese.  Sorta funny.  I picked "A Separation" from Iran, though that's a crapshoot.  And I win!  Rule!

903p... Christian Bale, who won last year's Supporting Actor Award for "The Fighter" and deservedly so, is here for Best Supporting Actress.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Its so weird hearing him talk in his native British. 

I feel like former divas Chyna, Lita and
Melina are thinking "why not me?!"

906p... And in one of the first least-suspenseful moments of the night, Octavia Spencer wins for "The Help".  We knew this would happen.  She gets a part standing ovation, and Octavia actually seems surprised.  Really?  Really?  Come on, Octavia... you knew this was coming.  And the rest of the audience stands up, including big smiles from George Clooney, and his boo, the former WCW Nitro Girl and WWE Diva Stacy Keibler.  Dig it!

The Lovely Steph Leann:  I love Melissa McCartney.

907p... Octavia spits out a charming speech as fast as she can, as she says, "I know the screen says to wrap up, I'm trying!"

909p... Billy: "I loved 'The Help'... when I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw.  Which in Beverly Hills, was about a 45 minute drive..."   And now we see a big on "focus groups", starring the Christopher Guest troupe with Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara and Guest himself.   Oh, and Stifler's mom.

913p... Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper come out is out for Film Editing, to which I picked "Hugo". And the Oscar goes to... "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo".  Crap.   And for Sound Editing, I went with "Drive".  And the winner?  "Hugo". 

I feel like, when this night is all over, "Hugo" will have won more Oscars than any other movie tonight... maybe nothing big, but all the smaller ones will add up to like, 7 Oscars.  Should I see this movie?

918p... Tina and Bradley keep going, this time with Sound Mixing, to which I picked "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo".  I feel like this award should be called Best Sound, and one movie should win all three of these.  And "Hugo" gets two of the three.  Stupid "Hugo".  I'm 3-4 right now.

920p... Pause to fix a baby bottle

924p... Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy!   And Cirque de Soleil!  Two members of the troupe were sitting in the audience in between Sandy Bullock and Meryl Streep, who were both grinning big to be there.  Its a performance that shows us "what its like to go to the movies", and its kinda fun.  And it gets a standing O.

929p... Billy:  "I pulled a hamstring just watching that... we got puppets, acrobats, we are one pony away from being a bar mitzvah!"

930p... Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are out now, with RDJ doing some sort of funny walk out from backstage.  He says, "I'm filming a documentary called 'The Presenter'".  The category is Documentary... I had to go with "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory", mostly because the story is incredible, but also because of Hollywood's fascination with the story.

933p... So naturally, "Undefeated" wins, a film about high school football. 

933p... Wait... what?

934p... The "Undefeated" guys become the first ones of the night to get played off stage for taking too long.

934p... Chris Rock comes out for Animation, and I'm digging his afro.  He then does a great schpeel about how easy it is to do animated film... hilarious.  My pick for this category is "Rango", though I'm intrigued by "Chico & Rita".  And the Oscar goes to... "Rango"!  Finally!  I get another one! 

937p... I don't know if "Rango" is worthy of the best animated film of the year, though there wasn't a ton of competition this year (Pixar's usual contender wasn't contending this year, not with Cars 2)... but "Rango" is drawn really, really well. 

939p... I know my buddy Mikey is excited... there's a bit with Melissa McCartney, who he loves. 

Just as cute as a bucket of puppies... though I can't
say that bow did her much good.

939p... Emma Stone and Ben Stiller come out now to present Best Visual Effects... can I say I just love me some Emma Stone?  Like, in practically everything she has done I've been happy about.  I used to say that Emma Stone is who Lindsay Lohan should have been... now its almost like Lindsay Lohan is the bad version of Emma Stone. 

942p... I selected "Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2" to win this.   But I'm afraid "Hugo" will take this one too.  I think that Hurricane Rhett will wet himself if "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" wins, though, just because he will be able to say, "I love that Oscar winning movie, 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon'"...

943p... "Hugo".

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?  Is this going to win everything?  Why can't Harry Potter win something? 

I agree.

945p... Billy:  Harry Potter made 7.7 billion dollars.  Yet, he only paid 14% income tax...

945p... Melissa Leo, who won Supporting Actress for "The Fighter", is out to give the Best Supporting Actor award.  Christopher Plummer will win this for one main reason... he plays an old man who comes out of the closet.  Hollywood frikkin' love this kind of crap.  Last year, the "gay" movie was "The Kids are Alright", which sucked.  This year, its "Beginners".  Plus, throw in the fact that Chris Plummer, a Hollywood icon and legend, has never won an Oscar, AND he's playing an elderly gay man--for the win.

948p... And in the second "Foregone Conclusion" of the night, Christopher Plummer wins an Oscar at the age of 84, becoming the oldest actor to ever win one.  And he gets the standing O, as per usual.

950p... I imagine this exchange:
Tech guy:  Plummer's been talking for several minutes... should I cut him off?
Producer:  Crap no... don't you dare cut off Plummer.  If Jonah Hill wins, you give him 30 seconds... but when Plummer starts talking, you let him talk.

950p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich end up sitting in the first few rows of the freakin' Academy Awards? 

953p... Billy Crystal is about to do his "what is the audience thinking" segment... the camera flashed to a celebrity, and Billy says what they are thinking... they show Brad Pitt, and Billy says, "I hope this doesn't run to late, I have six parent teacher conferences tomorrow..."  Brad doesn't seem amused, but the audience cracks up.

955p... Does anyone else hear some random beeping or musical tones?  Its like, their mics are jacked or something... I know its not my tv, because when I pause it, I don't hear it...

957p... And here comes Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz, out for Best Score.  I'm thinking "The Artist" in this is probably a foregone conclusion moment, since the entire movie is just music.  And, as per usual, I'm right!  I'm dead even at 6-6... not a good record thusfar.

1001p... Will Ferrel and Zach Galifianakis are out, rising from the orchestra pit, both clanging cymbals.  Zach says, "One of these Song nominees will join such winners like 'The Way We Were' and 'Over the Rainbow' and 'Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp'".   Of course, I chose "Man or Muppet"... and the Oscar goes to... "Man or Muppet" from "The Muppets". 

1004p... Pan to Jason Segel, who is as pleased as punch.  Part of the reason I like him is that he is such a genuine Muppet fan.  And he was the best, perhaps only good part, of "Bad Teacher".

1006p... Billy:  Looking at all of you here, why don't we all just chip in and buy the Dodgers?

1006p... Angelina Jolie comes out to give the award for Adapted Screenplay.  I think I'm supposed to find her really attractive, and I actually find her mildly cute.  Maybe.  Give me Kate Winslet, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon or Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) any day.

1008p... I picked "Moneyball" in this category, thinking it would be the one award that it would win.  But I'm afraid "Hugo" will pick this one up too.  The winner is... "The Descendants".  In fairness, I'm okay with it, because I really, really want to see that film.

1010p... Original Screenplay?  I picked "Midnight in Paris", which is coming tomorrow via Netflix, and I'm kind of excited.  "Bridesmaids" would be a fun winner, but I think Woody Allen's "Paris" is the sentimental choice.  The winner? "Midnight in Paris"!  And Woody never comes to the Oscars, so Angelina accepts it for him and walks away.

1012p... A montage of actors and directors answering the question, "What makes a great movie?" and The Lovely Steph Leann is thrilled when Reese Witherspoon says, "When I don't feel good I love watching Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 'Overboard'... its my favorite movie.  No kidding."

1014p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich get to be a presenter at the Oscars?  Have you seen anything she's done?  Holy crap?  Milla presents the montage for the Techie Awards that aren't important enough to be broadcast. 

1016p... Billy:  "This has been a strong year for female characters... some wore high heels, like The Iron Lady or J. Edgar...."

1016p... All of the Bridesmaids come out together, with Kristen, Maya, Melissa and the other three.  Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph tosses out a bunch of innuendos for Live Action Short... I picked "Time Freak".  And in seeing the clip of "Time Freak", I knew I had lost.  "The Shore" wins. 

1019p... Best Documentary Short... I went with "The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movenent" for two reasons... (1) the word "Civil" and (2) the word "Rights"... and who wins?  "Saving Face".  Really?  I guess Hollywood figures it is getting its white guilt reparations on giving awards to "the Help".  Dang it.

1022p... Because I like long titles since they seem more impressive, I picked "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore" for Best Animated Short.  The Oscar goes to?  "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore"!  Long titles win! 

1025p... Here comes Michael Douglas to give out Best Director, telling an anecdote about a guy named Leo who tried to finance a movie.  And then he calls out the nominees... I went out on a limb and picked Woody Allen  for "Midnight in Paris", but I feel like Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist" will pick this up.  Unless "Hugo" wins it, though I think "Hugo" is done for the night.

1027p... The Oscar goes to... Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist".

1029p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  Great.  Campbell waits all day, and now... he poops.  He's pooping right now. 

1030p... Another Hollywood icon, Meryl Streep, comes out, and tells us about The Governors Awards, celebrating the special contributions of three very special members of The Academy... Oprah!  James Earl Jones!  And a guy named Dick, who did makeup for a long, long time.

1032p... Oprah won a Humanitarian award, though right now she's Skinny O.  Good thing.. it would have been awkward to give Fat O two awards, one for each of her.  Oh! 

1034p... In Memorium.  I don't think we'll see Jack-A** star Ryan Dunn, who died in a drunk driving accident caused by himself.

1035p... Whoever is singing "What a Wonderful World", this chick has a huge afro... like, huge.  Huge.  Love it.

The image you didn't see in the Oscars dead people montage.  Rest in
peace, Ryan... even though you were an idiot, and your own drinking
and driving while doing 80 got yourself and another dude killed. 

1036p... We do see Whitney Houston, though.  And some of them, like Sidney Lumet and Steve Jobs, get sound bites and/or film clips... and Elizabeth Taylor predictably gets the last shot.  Well, other than Big 'fro Lady.

1039p... Three awards left... but first, we have a poopy diaper to change.  Back in a sec...

1046p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  You know, I don't really know all the ingredients in baby formula... but I just don't understand how his poopy can actually be flourescent green.

1049p... Actors answer the question "What do you see in movies?" Ed Norton, Julia Roberts, Phil S. Hoffman, RDJ, Jonah Hill, Bobby DeNiro, Tom Cruise and Patton Oswalt, who I'm a big fan of. 

1051p... While I kid when I say my buddy Mikey loves Melissa McCarthy (he doesn't), I am not kidding when I say he loves loves loooooves Natalie Portman (he does).  I mean, like, restraining order kinda love.

1057p... Oh yeah, Best Actor... I picked, correctly as we find out, Jean Dujardin for "The Artist" takes the Oscar home. 

11p... The Lovely Steph Leann almost drops Campbell as her main squeeze and namesake of The Colin Firth Club comes out to give the Best Actress award. 

1102p... I'm not trying to be mean...but Viola Davis looks terrible.  Thats not a race thing, thats a she-looks-awful thing.  Her hair is just bad. 

1105p... The only SHOCKER of the night... Meryl Streep wins the Academy Award for Best Actress, and Viola Davis loses.  Well, its not so much a shocker as a mild surprise, because I think Viola was the odds on favorite, maybe heavy favorite...

1108p... This is happening...
Techie:  Okay, do I start the music?
Producer:  If Chris Plummer can keep talking, you'd better dang straight let Meryl Streep talk until Tuesday if she wants to...

1109p... Tom Cruise comes out to give away Best Picture... and I already know the answer.  See, stupid MSNBC keeps popping up "alerts" on my phone, even though I have turned them off 1000 times--and it just dinged, and as I looked over, I saw MSNBC say "The Artist" wins Best Picture.  Stupid MSNBC

1111p... And for one of the only times, MSNBC doesn't tell a story or manipulate the truth--"The Artist" wins Best Picture. 

1115p... So, I'm counting the awards and picks and such... and I'll have to count again, and get a second opinion... but I think I won the Oscar Challenge.  Its a poor showing, with only 12 of the 24 awards picked correctly, but I might be enough...

1124p... Final score.. Hurricane Rhett - 12... d$ - 12... Mike - 11... Drewski - 6. 
Looks like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will get their Oscar moment after all.  At Mikey's house.

The 68th Annual Golden Globes

This is a week late, but I did want to post it finally... our computer was down until mid-week, and because American Idol came on, I never got it up.  So, here is the running diary of the Golden Globes...

So, this is being typed on a Word Document, while nibbling on some Papa John’s. The lovely Steph Leann is on the other couch, also nibbling on pizza, and we are set to watch the whateverth annual Golden Globes Awards… 68th, as Ricky Gervais just said!

7p… Ricky Gervais is out, and onto his monologue, which is usually all about the celebrities, with zingers and jabs tossed freely. First up, Charlie Sheen, of course. And now its onto “The Tourist”, insulting it, as Johnny Depp looks on from the audience. Next to “Sex in the City 2”, and then to gay Scientologists (I can only assume he is jabbing Tom Cruise and John Travolta)… yeah!

705p… The first award, presented by Scarlett Johansson!  I’m not a ScarJo loyalist, but she looks great tonight. The award is Supporting Actor in a Movie. Noms including Chrisitan Bale, Edward Garfield, Geoffrey Rush, Mike Douglas and someon else I didn't catch before the winner was announced.

The winner is? Christian Bale for “The Fighter”… this is the first award out of many he’s going to get from now until Oscar season, when he wins the Supporting Oscar actor. Its weird hearing him talking in his regular British accent, cause I’m so used to hearing him be deep and throaty Bruce Wayne, and loud and obnoxious in The Fighter. It also stars Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

709p… Here’s LL Cool J and Julie Bowen for lead actress in a TV Drama. And the winner? Katie Segal for “Sons of Anarchy”. Never seen the show, but I’ve heard its intense, awesome and manly. Camera cuts to Ed O’Neill who is clapping and smiling for Katie’s win. Very cool.

716p… And now here’s Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey… Julianne has a horrible dress, and likely no bra. Shame. Best TV Movie/Mini-Series. The Pacific is nominated and I’m guessing its going to win.. though “Temple Grandin” is also nominated. Tough. And the winner? “Carlos” wins, whatever the heck that is.

While the Hispanic director is talking in the broken English, I’ll point out that every year, the person who helps present the awards is called “Miss Golden Globe”, and it’s a chick who is the daughter of a prominent actor or actress. This year’s Miss Golden Globe is Gia Mantegna, who is the daughter of actor Joe Mantegna… she looks a lot like him, but she’s beautiful, so go figure.

720p… Ricky is back up. There is confusion on stage, as the Mexican crew scatters, unsure where to go from there. Ricky then says, “you know this next actor from such films as…” and he goes on to name some horrendous films like “Hudson Hawk” and “Mercury Rising”… Ricky says, “And here is Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis!”

Bruce walks out with a smirk, introducing a film nominated for Best Comedy or Musical, that being “Red”… which was a fun, fun movie.

722p… From “Country Strong”, which is a movie I have no desire to see, here are two people that I don’t care about… Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Mini-Series/Movie. I’m rooting for Scott Caan, but I’m thinking the Extremely Gay Chris Colfer from Glee will get it.

And the winner is? The Extremely Gay Chris Colfer. And to me, its because he’s as gay as a football bat. The Lovely Steph Leann defends him, saying, “Well, maybe, but its also because he’s so awesome!”. No, its because he’s a flamer. Matter of fact, I’m surprised he’s not kissing a guy right now.  Lea Michelle is crying, which is actually kinda sweet.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, mind you, but still...

My prediction? You’ll hear some magazine, website or the like tell us that Chris Colfer’s win was important for the gay community.

Here is Michelle, circa 1989, from "The Fabulous Baker
Boys"... by the way, an absolutely fabulous drama.

729p… Michelle Pfieffer comes out… let me tell ya, back in the day, she was The Stuff. Back in the late 80s, early 90s, she was everything that Angelina Jolie is today, and more. Michelle was amazing. She still looks great. She’s introducing the next Best Comedy Movie nominee, “Alice in Wonderland”.

731p… Eva Longoria, sans Parker, almost fell. She usually looks great, but tonight she looks especially classy. Its like he was saying “Hey Tony… check this out. You had this. But you lost it. Sucka.” Tony, you’re a friggin’ idiot.

The president of The Hollywood Foreign Press comes out, and his name is Philip Berk. I immediately think of the obnoxious guy I knew in college named Philip Burke. He was a Lambda Chi Alpha, and I think student body president at one time. But this guy is not that Philip Burke—though that would be funny.

733p… Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovavich is giving the award for Best Drama Series. Actors from Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter and House are nominated as usual, along with Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire”… and Steve wins. I thought that show was great… but it’s a little too much. Too much sex, too much violence, the language is horrible, and I just couldn’t get into it. But it’s a well done show, and its cool to see That Guy Hall of Famer Steve Buscemi get himself an award. He says, “Im going to talk fast, before that sad music comes on!”

737p… And here’s are the Best Drama nominees… Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead… and the winner? Boardwalk Empire. I do eventually want to see Dexter, The Good Wife and The Walking Dead, which are all on the list to watch on DVD. And I’ve got Mad Men coming on Netflix.

Can’t believe they are doing the Best Drama already! And Mark Wahlberg is on stage? He is in this show? What did I miss?

743p… Andrew Garfield, himself a nominee for “The Social Network”, is out to introduce… well, “The Social Network”… he stumbled over the teleprompter, eliciting a few laughs. By the way, “The Social Network”? One of the five best movies of last year, I gotta say.

745p… Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are out to present Original Song, after some horribly written banter that they awkwardly read from the teleprompter. Burlesque is nominated twice—I’ve been hearing that is a awful movie. The song from Tangled is nominated, but doesn’t win. “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me” from Burlesque wins, and The Lovely Steph Leann is disappointed it wasn’t “See The Light” from "Tangled".

749p… And Alec and J-Lo comes back up to give out Original Score. Danny Elfman’s “Alice in Wonderland” is nominated, and I thought that music was brilliant. Inception is also nominated, and that movie’s music is fantastic. The winner? Trent Reznor for “The Social Network”, and I can’t complain, because it did set a great tone for that film. Nine Inch Nails now has a Golden Globe.

755p… The young chick from "True Grit" comes out—she was amazing in that film—and Justin Bieber—I’ll refrain from the jokes—comes out with her to give out the award for Best Animated Film. I’m guessing "Toy Story 3" will take this, but I’m fearful that “How to Train Your Dragon” will be the dark horse. I wouldn’t have a problem with "Tangled" winning this, but I don’t know how "Toy Story 3" can’t win.

And the winner? "Toy Story 3", in one of the least shocking wins of the whole night. The director comes up, and takes the award, and turns to Hallie Steinfeld and The Beebs and says, “Were you two even born when the first one came out?” to which they both just smirk at him.

759p… Ricky says, “I love this guy, star of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', 'Two Guys and Girl', 'Bowfinger'… I’m sorry, are these porn films?”  Then he makes the obligatory "RDJ spent time in prison" joke that always comes around when RDJ makes an appearance.

And of course, its Robert Downey Jr! He has gone from cool to jerk to cool again in his career. And he gives a hilarious monologue on the nominees about how, in his career, he’s gotten with everyone one of them… and when he gets to young Emma Stone, its fantastic. Award for Best Actress Comedy or Musical. I’m afraid Annette Bening or Julianne Moore will get it for The Kids are Alright, because that movie was horrific. Annette Bening gets it.

Chris Colfer is somewhere in the back shouting “Hooray For Gay!”

I haven't done a review yet, but "The
Fighter" was a great film.  Great story, great
acting, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love
with.

809p… Sylvester Stallone comes out. Lets see how much we can understand. He’s here to introduce a film for Best Movie Drama, “The Fighter”, starring Golden Globe winner Christian Bale, Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch and Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

811p… Tilda Swinton comes out with Geoffrey Rush, and I gotta say, Tilda Swinton is one of the most unattractive chicks ever, with an eccentric fashion style. Eccentric means terrible. Heres the award for Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini-Series. Winner is Al Pacino for the Jack Kavorkian story, “You Don’t Know Jack”. Wanted to see it.  And Al talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Aaaand talks.

815p… My guess is the guy starting the Wrap Up Music is about to push the button, and someone who makes more than him says, “Dude! No! That’s AL PACINO! You don’t wrap up Al Pacino!” And they didn’t.

Up next, Actress for TV Movie/Mini-Series. Claire Danes wins for “Temple Grandin”, which she won the Emmy for as well. I’ve never seen the film, and really don’t expect to either—not that I don’t think its great, but it just doesn’t interest me—but its supposed to be an awesome film. Its right up The Lovely Steph Leann’s alley, so she can see it, and I’m sure she’ll tell me how great it is when she sees it on The Hallmark Channel or The Hallmark Movie Channel.

823p… Zac Efron is out now to introduce “The Kids are Alright” as a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical. I’m thinking this will win. Why? Because its gay.

825p… Ricky tells us that Tina Fey and Steve Carell are coming out, but not before dissing on Steve for leaving The Office after this season, “killing that cash cow for both of us!” The award is Best Screenplay. Tina: Here’s a movie that ruined our ability to interact with one another… Steve: I heard about that film on Facebook from a friend I’ve never met.

The winner? Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. Its based on a book called “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, who also wrote “Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions”, which was made into the Kevin Spacey movie called "21".  Book is good, "21" was okay. I plan on downloading The Accidental Billionaires next month as my Audible.com selection.

829p… Chris Helmsworth, the new Thor, and Chris Evans, the new Captain America, are giving out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Mini or Movie.   Their banter is terrible.  Why am I not a writer at one of these shows?   Take me, Scotty Latta and Hurricane Rhett, and I guarantee the jokes would be funnier than anything you've ever heard in your life.  Ever.

And the old lady they cut to when announcing Julia Stiles for “Dexter” was NOT Julia Stiles. The winner, though, is Jane Lynch for Glee… she also won an Emmy for this last September.  And Lea Michelle is crying.  That's... well, it is kinda sweet again, I guess.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, but still...

836p… Ricky introduces Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, saying, “Here to present an award that no one in America cares about, the Best Foreign Film!” He’s right. Denmark’s “In a Better World” wins, and I really could care less.

838p… Out comes the most attractive 93 year old in America—no, not Betty White—it’s Helen Mirren! She’s out to announce the nomination of “The King’s Speech”, starring the president of The Colin Firth Club, that being Colin Firth himself…

Okay, so what is The Colin Firth Club? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel like we’re getting new readers all the time (wishful hoping?) so I thought I’d explain again… It’s a small group of actors and musicians that The Lovely Steph Leann finds herself a little hot for. Whilst I have my Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Chenoweth, Martina McBride, Lesley Mann and Kate Winslet, she has The Colin Firth Club.

The Lovely Steph Leann would never cheat on me. If Jake Gyllenhaal ever propositioned my wife, I am positive she’d say, “Yeah, thanks, I’m honored, but no. I gotz a man.” Then he’d say, “What yo’ man got to do with me?” and she’d say, “I ain’t try to hear that, see!” I’m Positive (K)!

However comma

If Colin Firth propositioned The Lovely Steph Leann, I’m pretty sure she’d say no. She’d hesitate. She’d probably give it a few seconds, and maybe flush and stammer, but ultimately she’d say no. Other guys that would elicit this reaction include Hugh Jackman, Bradley Whitford (in West Wing days, not so sure now), Patrick Dempsey, Hugh Grant and Jon Bon Jovi. Thus, The Colin Firth Club.

840p… Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, two extremely attractive people no matter the color, are here to announce the award for Best Actress in a TV Series. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C… what can top gaydom? Cancer! If there was movie with a gay guy with cancer, its sweeping these awards.

846p… Here comes Jane Fonda! Screen legend! Have you ever seen any of her movies? She doesn’t have much on her resume. Yet, she’s a screen legend. And she’s here to show off “Burlesque”, a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical.

847p… Two people I don’t know are announcing Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Series… the winner is Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”, which is a show that I’ve never seen, but I’m hearing that this show is getting better and better as the years go on.

850p… Jeremy Irons is giving out the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie, and sounds almost like a Jeremy Irons imitation, though he’s actually him. Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, is nominated for The Fighter, but it goes to the other chick in the film, Melissa Leo. And really, she kinda deserves it, because her part was great.

Just saw a McDonald’s commercial that features a guy coming through the drive thru, whispering his order, and continuing to lap the building without stopping. The somewhat attractive and seemingly smart young chick behind the drive thru mic is confused. He whispers into the speaker again as he drives by slowly. The young chick glances in the backseat as he rides by and sees a baby. The third time he rolls around and whispers, she whispers back his order, and its all sweet and cute and such. Do do do da doooo… I’m lovin’ it.



There are a number of falsehoods in this commercial.


First, I’m sure there are pretty people that work at McDonald’s, somewhere, somehow, so that’s not an issue. But the fact that she’s understandable is unrealistic.


Secondly, no one whispers in that drive thru. Right off the bat, you get a really clear voice that says in a perky voice, “Hi, would you like to try (insert whatever they are promoting at the time)!?” You think, “Ah, someone understandable!” and you say, “No thank you, but I would like to get (insert what nutritional combination you actually do want)".  A pause.  Then you get some chick who can barely talk intelligently, and has a tendancy to start speaking before she hits the drive thru mic button, and then turns the mic off before she's done talking... you hear "...getta number four and what you want to dr..." in a loud voice.

What happened to the pleasant voice you heard first??  Ah... it was a recording.  It was a a tease, thinking you'll have an understandable drive thru experience.  Then you realize... this ain't Starbucks.

So that commercial is full of crap.   

858p… Matt Damon is out to give the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro… gotta tell ya, Robert DeNiro IS a screen legend. Who cares about Jane Fonda? DeNiro has done some incredible films, but has also done some real, real crap.

My favorite Bobby DeNiro films include “Midnight Run”, #56 on The Dave100… “Heat”, #87 on The Dave100… “Goodfellas”… “Casino”… “Untouchables”... and yeah, he was pretty funny in “Analyze This”. And no, I didn’t like “Analyze That”, or any other feature where the characters are named “Focker”.

Like all actors, he’s made some turkeys, including “The Fan”, “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle”, “A Shark Tale” and “Showtime”. And I tried to watch “Ronin” three different times… couldn’t get into it. The car chase was spectacular, as its been hyped to be, but the movie couldn’t keep me interested after that.

Robert DeNiro is an actor that everyone loves, and there’s a huge ovation that lasts for several minutes. He quips that “I’m glad this award was announced two months ago, well before you had time to review ‘Little Fockers’” which gets an uncomfortable laugh from the audience. He also says that “Awakenings” was one of his favorites. Anyway, I’m glad it went to Bobby DeNiro instead of someone I'm barely aware of.

913p… Megan Fox comes out, and I’m still unimpressed. Someone is who is completely overrated and overhyped is fittingly announcing an overrated and overhyped film, “The Tourist”.

914p… Annette Bening comes out to give the Best Director Award. As I thought, David Fincher for “The Social Network” takes the prize. Its kinda of surprising, though, that such a mainstream film has been taking so many awards and such. Fincher is also the director of The Dave100 film “Se7en”, as well as “Benjamin Button” and “Fight Club”.

917p… Jimmy Fallon and the smoldering January Jones come out to give out the award for Best TV Series Music or Comedy, in another bit of awkward banter. And The Lovely Steph Leann squeals in delight as Glee picks up the award for Best TV Comedy/Musical Series. At least the show has Jayma Mays, who I kinda think is pretty… not tonight, but usually.

923p… And here’s Alicia Keys to tell us about “Black Swan.” I am not sure if I want to see this movie or not… part of me does, but part of me figures it will be like “Brokeback Mountain”, that is, I should see it because of all the nominations, but once Oscar time rolls around and passes us by, I can skip it.

925p… Halle Berry comes out to give the Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Award, to which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti gets the award for “Barney’s Version”, a film that I know soooo little about.

932p… Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who might be the coolest cat in any movie in 2010, is out to tell us about “Inception”, which to me was the best movie of 2010. I loved every single thing about this movie. The fight scene in the hallway with JGL was amazing.

933p… Jeff Bridges, who Hollywood loves like crazy right now, comes out to give out the Best Actress in a Drama Movie. Right before they announce Natalie Portman’s name, I say it out loud. And then Jeff Bridges says, “Natalie Portman, Black Swan.”

937p… Wow, we haven’t seen Ricky Gervais in like, an hour. He spends 45 seconds introducing Tom Hanks, then says, “the other guy is… Tim Allen…” Here’s the award for Best Comedy or Musical… and The Kids are Alright is probably going to win.



Julianne Moore and her offending dress

The winner is? The Kids are Alright. Yep. Its Award Day To Be Gay.
The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, “Her [Julianne Moore] dress is horrific! I cannot get over that!”

946p… Ricky comes out and introduced Sandra Bullock… with quite an intro. Funny stuff. Here is the award for Best Actor Movie Drama… The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for her Colin Firth… and when he wins, she shouts “YEESS!!!!”, with her arm in the air.

So, I expect Colin Firth to win the Oscar, though a Jesse Eisenberg win for “The Social Network” wouldn’t shock me… though I’m guessing that Colin Firth will get the one award given to recognize The Kings Speech, so The Social Network can pick up everything else… and Jesse Eisenberg loses out.

953p… During the commercial break, I looked up at The Lovely Steph Leann and asked, “What’s left?” She thinks, and says, “Drama TV?” I replied, “Boardwalk Empire.” She says, “Wow, I guess that’s it then.”

954p… And cancer free Michael Douglas comes out for the Best Movie Award, and gets a standing ovation. He even says, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation…”

The winner, en route to an Academy Award for Best Picture in February? “The Social Network”.

Gotta tell ya… though I hate that its taking away all the momentum that Inception was getting, if this wins the Oscar I won’t be bothered… it was a great film. It was an amazing film, from the acting to the story to the effects to the music… and its so much more than a movie about Facebook… its about friendship, its about loyalty, its about betrayal, its about business. Its great. I know that Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) didn’t like it, but I’m hoping that she at least appreciated it.

So there’s your Golden Globes. Your Oscar nominations will be announced in a few weeks or so, and I’ll be right here, doing my annual running diary during the awards show!

The Kids Are Alright Is All Wrong

I love countdowns and rankings and lists of things that are good and lists of things that are bad, and so on and so forth... and at the end of the year, I spend hours looking at Year End Best and Year End Worst of just about anything. 

And every year, I even do my own Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year... and every year, when it comes to movies, I like to find my ten favorite films of the year.  And the last week of the year, I try to bear down and see a few films that I might have missed before the midnight bells chime, bringing 2011 to our doorsteps.

Random picture of The Goddess, only because I haven't
mentioned her in quite a while.

Right now, The Lovely Steph Leann and I are watching "The Kids Are Alright", starring three people that I really, really like... Annette Bening, who does one of my favorite roles of all time in my 30th favorite film of all time... Julianna Moore, who is one of my favorite actresses and was a pre-goddess to me before The Goddess became The Goddess (and before I fell in love with Amy Adams, of course)... and Mark Ruffalo, who happens to be likable in just about anything and everything.

So, Annette and Julianne play Nic and Jules, respectively, who are lesbians in love, and are mothers to two kids, Joni and Laser.  Yes, Laser.  So, the kids end up finding out who did the "donation" to make their own lives possible, and they end up meeting him, and hilarity, heartbreak, drama and issues ensue.

I can say this, even before the movie is finished playing out... its well acted.  All three leads, Bening, Moore and Ruffalo are playing their own parts perfectly, the story is well done, and the plot, for what its worth, is consistent with no holes or silliness to drag it down.

But... a Christ Follower, how does one enjoy such a film?  The premise of the film itself, two lesbians and their relationship, disrupted by the sudden appearance of their children's sperm donor, spits in the face of what we as Christ Followers believe to be true, right and just according to Scripture and our own belief in God. 

Let's be clear here... I love movies.  I love watching movies, I love how they make me feel, I love breaking apart a film to dissect it, I love thinking about movies that stick with me, I love enjoying Craptastic films that aren't supposed to be anything other than Crapstatic.  And yes, I enjoyed "The Hangover".  And yes, I get a kick of watching "American Pie 2".  And I did see "Boogie Nights" and thought it, taking into consideration the premise again, was a very well done film. 

So to sit here and say "Oh, I can handle the potty humor of 'The Hangover' and I think its hilarious!" and then follow it up with "'Boogie Nights' was enjoyable and Julianne Moore was awesome!" (which, by the way, she was), only to turn around and say, "I don't like the premise of 'The Kids are Alright' because its just too wrong," is a little hypocritical.  But yet, I will say those very things.

What's the difference?  I dunno.  I don't pretend to know.  I never saw "Brokeback Mountain", and not because I am homophobic... I never saw it mostly because all the things I'd heard from people around me was what I suspected--take out the man on man relationship and make it a normal (and I said normal, get over it) man on woman relationship, and its suddenly a boring film about a bad romance, with beautiful scenery.  So, knowing the movie isn't that good, why do I want to see two guys getting it on?  I don't, and I haven't.

So, back to "The Kids Are Alright"... the language is raw.  Tons of F-Bombs.  Julianne Moore is naked, though she does that in many of her films.  There are several, and I mean several, sex scenes.  The lesbian couple watches gay porn to stimulate their own relationship.  The son is named Laser.  These are all the things that are wrong about this film.   As a movie fan, I'm sure you can catch this on Hurricane Rhett's favorite channel, Logo, in a year or so, or maybe the Oprah Network or something later.  As a Christ Follower, I have to tell you, avoid it.  Just avoid it at all costs.

However... if you want to see brilliance from these three leads...

Julianne Moore: 
"Evolution"... one of the most enjoyable, funny pieces of crap ever put on film.  Its stupid, its idiotic, and its hilarious. 
"Children of Men"... its bleak, its dark, its futuristic and its amazingly done
"Boogie Nights"... I can't recommend this film to you, because its the life of a porn star.  I would tell you to watch it on one of those "Cut out the bad parts!" devices you can find at LifeWay, but all you'd see would be a title card and the credits.  But Julianne Moore is phenomenal in it.

However, since we are discussing to good lookin' Julianne Moore and her films... avoid at all costs "The Forgotten", one of the single worst films I've ever seen in my whole life.  Its awful.  Its terrible.  And what's worse is, it starts out as a really good film... and then tanks, hard.  Bad.  Its terrible. 

Annette Bening:
"Mars Attacks"... talk about stupid and brilliant, at the same time.  A great cast, and a great turn by Bening.
"The Grifters"... Once again, its a R rated film with a lot to it, but its a great story and a great movie all around.  John Cusack is especially awesome.
"The American President"... I cannot tell you how much I love this film.  I came up with the term "A Sydney Ellen Wade" performance for Annette Bening's turn as the love interest of President Shepherd.   Every scene she's in, she shines, every word she speaks, she glows and few times have I ever seen someone look so good on camera.  Except Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. 

Mark Ruffalo:

"13 Going On 30"... Yes, its a silly rom-com, and yes, Jennifer Garner has The McGriddle Effect all over her, but Mark Ruffalo is just charming enough to make guys like him, and make The Lovely Steph Leann jus swoon.
"Shutter Island"... He co-stars with Leo DiCaprio, and holds up well.  The movie is a little over-ambitious, and it almost pulls off being a mind-blowing cinematic experience, only to end up being a really good film with a somewhat predictable twist... but that's not on Ruffalo.
"Collateral"... When making the 2010 edition of The Dave100, I struggled with this film.  See it for Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise, and how good they are.  And enjoy Ruffalo's supporting role. 

But avoid "The Kids Are Alright".

Idol Magic

Finally... it took the fourth episode to get it to happen... but, as it should be, The Lovely Steph Leann is on the couch, curled up in a black, fleece Alabama Power blanket, comfy.  I, in the recliner, laptop and keyboard in front of me.  

And tonight?  The Happiest Talent Show on the Tube is in The Happiest City in Florida, close to The Happiest Place on Earth... its Orlando... its Florida.... and...

THIS IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Tonight's guest host?  The Ashley Judd Club member Kristin Chenoweth.  Lurvs me some K'Chen. 

First up... Theo Glinten... who is like a black The No-Longer Ambigiously Gay Adam Lambert, only without being as original (and I'm guessing as talented) as The No-Longer Ambigiously Gay Adam Lambert.  We've got this ornament that goes on our Christmas tree that is like a star, with about ten points on it, and on each point is a little circle of glass.  I think Theo wrapped that ornamant on his right eye.  And added a feather.

He's singing screaming "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benetar.  The Lovely Steph Leann grimaces.  When Simon says no, and Kara the Hotness starts to say no, Theo ends up trying to sing something else.  Randy says no too.   And he can't find his way out... and when he does, he starts wiping his eyes.  He claps with the palms of his hands, fingers never touching.  Yikes.

Heading into commercial break, we are giving the tease of several heartbreaking backstories... Cindy Jo grabs her Kleenex.

Kara and K'Chen have made a pact to provide the girl power today, as they suddenly become besties somehow, annoying Simon in the process, and entertaining Randy the Dawg for the day.

And one after another were told no... "you walked in in a cocktail dress, and then sang like you sat on a cat..." says Simon to a pink frocked chick who didn't make it.

Here's a guy who has 2 children, one of which has autism.  He's a big, sorta black dude who gets a little teary about his blessings of his children and the struggles to get the best care for his son.  .  And when Big'un goes in the audition room, Junior wants to follow, and when Mom gets him, he starts crying, "I want to go with Daddy!"  Cindy Jo is wailing at this very moment.  I can hear her

Seth Rollins sings "Someone to Watch Over Me", and gets it done nicely.   Kara and Kristin are both swaying peacefully, and Kristin loves the Broadway song.  Kara wants to hear more.  Simon says that it was good.  Randy suggests more exertion, but liked it. 

Ah, the obiligatory shot of Cinderella's Castle, then a sweep of the crowd, several people saying, "I'm the next American Idol!" and "I'm so good!"  And of course, lots of tears.  Lots of tears. 

Jermaine Purifoy auditioned in Season 7, but didn't make it.  But now, he's back, from outer space, he just walked in to find that sad look upon your... sorry, wrong song.   Anyway, he's doing Tony Bennett, and though he's not terrible, he's really not bad.  I kinda like the guy.  Simon is nodding, Kristin liked his pure tone, and Randy agreed, saying, "The best I've heard this audition season."  Kara says it was all honest.  Simon says, "The chicks will like you!"  Welcome to Hollywood, Jermaine!

One contestant remains on Day One.  Shelby Dressel, 18, from Avon Park, Florida, and at birth, her 7th cranial nerve was undeveloped.  Though really pretty, great hair and big smile, the right side of her face is slightly sagging due to that condition.

"Turn Me On" by Norah Jones is her song of choice.  Again, not terrible, but not bad.  I like Shelby, but maybe its more of the whole "overcoming thing" not the voice... and then she forgets the words, she curses then says, "ohmigod... I'm sooooo sorry!"   The judges laugh, and they still all like her.  "With a small y, yes," Simon says.  They all agree.

All in all, 18 from Orlando make it on Day One, as opposed to only 13 from two days in Chicago, and maybe 20ish from Atlanta...

Awwww.... and on Day Two, Kristin leaves the panel, heading back to New York City.  Stinko!!!



Jay Stone, sort of a Blake Lewisy kinda guy, is going to be doing "Come Together" by the Beatles... he does the beatbox, gets the rhythm going, though I'm not sure he's getting any of the words right beside "Come Together" and "over me".  Kara says it was pretty amazing, though Simon is feeling pretty soaked from the beatbox spittle. 

Randy asks Jay if he can actually sing, and he sings, "Ain't No Sunshine" with a little beatbox to it.  Kara and Randy get into it, while Simon is unamused.  Kara says yes, Simon says no, and Randy... Randy says... Randy says... yes. 

Gotta be careful... this guy makes it to Hollywood, and let's say he makes it to the audience voting rounds.  Can you say "Sanjaya"? 

Janell Wheeler sings "House of the Rising Sun", while Britany Starr James sings "America Boy" and Kasi Bedford does some Bonnie Raitt... all three sounded good.  all three make it to Hollywood.

Cornelius Edwards, who we've been shown in previews as the guy who will split his pants when he does a huge split, is singing "Rollin on the River" by Tina Turner.  He kinda yells it, he jumps, he lands on the ground and then looks up and says, "My pants done split!"   The Lovely Steph Leann is dying.  

"There may be no children after that," The Lovely Steph Leann says.  "Get some new pants and leave!" Randy says.  And... he makes it to Hollywood...

HERE COME SISTERS!!! And we know how this ends... one makes it, one doesn't.  Bernadette and Amanda Desimone live with their mom, helping with Bernadette's Salon... if I was in the welfare line, and asked for cheese, I'd get the gub-ment cheese... ask for butter, I'd get gub-ment butter... ask for Eva Longoria Parker, I'd get Amanda Desimone.

The elder sister, Bernadette, is singing "Hit the Road Jack", while Amanda starts with some Whitney (mistake) in trying "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".   Randy is intrigued, while Kara likes them both.  Randy finally says yes to both.  Kara says yes to both.  Simon would have said yes to Bernadette, but no to Amanda, but they make it anyway.  I was wrong... though we don't see them again, after Hollywood Week.

Jarrod Norrell is warming up.  Out in the parking lot.  Doing push-ups and making weird noises.  We know how this will end as well, don't we?   He starts into "Amazing Grace" and how does he do?  Put it this way... I see the blanket covering the face for the first time this season.  From under the blanket, The Lovely Steph Leann hollers, "THIS IS TERRIBLE!!!" and softly whispers "make it stop."

Kara says its terrible too, and the Jarrod says, "Are you serious?" then asks for "two more seconds... like, let me go, let me sing, (claps) y'all feel me, right?"  Security comes out, and Jarrod says that he just can't leave without a "yes".  So security hauls him out.  They cuff him.  All the other contestants are running.  He's still shouting, "They gotta take me out in cuffs... Randy acts like I can't sing..."

Simon then goes, "...yes or no...?"

Matt Lawrence is 25, and tells his story--he was the guy who had a bright future in high school, and ended up robbing a bank at 15.  He spent four years behind bars, and is almost in tears talking about it.  Cindy Jo is sobbing incessantly.

Matt wants to do something to make his parents proud, though I hope he actually doesn't sing, "Do I Make You Proud?"  He sings "Trouble" by Ray Lamontagne.  Its not bad, though... no one has stood out like crazy today, but he's like the others... not terrible, not bad, but hitting the high notes well enough.  And it seems very genuine, too, with all he's been through.

Simon says, "Brilliant.  It feels like you could have written that song."   Kara admires his control over his voice, while Randy also says he's genuine.  All three say "Yes".

Next week, Idol visits Los Angeles with Katy Perry and someone that is either Lady GaGa or Avril Lavigne, though I'm inclined to believe its the first one, as Avril hasn't been relevent since Daniel Powter was singing about his "Bad Day".

Out of the 31 that make it to Hollywood, here's who I really liked this time around... Seth Rollins... Jermaine Purifoy...  Shelby Dressel... Matt Lawrence

The Golden Globe Sunday Evening

So there are your Golden Globe awards for another year.  I'll be back in a few days with more Idol, and another few installments of our Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year...

11:41p... Ricky Gervais appears once more, thanks the crowd, does one more shill for his TV show... and thats it.  There are the Golden Globes, short (3 hours doing movies AND television) and sweet. 

11:37p... Julia Roberts is out here to give away the award for Best Picture.  It's "Avatar", which now has the momentum to carry it to the Oscars for Best Picture.  Sigh.

11:31p.. Ah, Kate Winslet.  I love me some Kate Winslet.  Here's Best Actor in a Drama... one of the nominees is the President of The Lovely Steph Leann's Colin Firth Club, Colin Firth.  He doesn't win, though... it goes to Jeff Bridges for "Crazy Heart"... and its awesome, because the entire room is giving him a standing ovation. 

"You are really tearing up my under-appreciated status here," he says.  He then calls out "my beautiful wife... get a shot of her!"  Then sends a nod to his dad, the late, great Lloyd Bridges.  Jeff is one of those actors who you never think about how good he is, and then you realize how much awesome stuff he's been in... "Tron"... "Starman"... "The Fabulous Baker Boys"... "Iron Man"... "The Last Picture Show"... "Surf's Up"... and of course, "The Big Lebowski"... great career. 

11:28p... Some chick who's name I missed is doing Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical.  And the winner?  Another shocker... Robert Downey Jr in "Sherlock Holmes".  Really?  Well... he made that film what it was... and he gives the best speech of the night, slightly edging Drew Barrymore just for comedy content...

11:24p... Mickey Rourke's Corpse comes out wearing a terrible hat and terrible suit, to give away Best Actress in a Drama.  The winner?  Sandra Bullock for "The Blind Side"... wow... seriously, didn't see that coming at all.  The Lovely Steph Leann screamed again.  Hey, I'm not saying she didn't earn it, but wow... I really thought it would be one of those "your reward is being nominated" for Sandy... but rock on. 

Also... Mickey looked like he threw up in his mouth a little when he announced Sandy Bullock winning.  Here is a pic of Mickey before the plastic surgery (inset) and the after shot. 

11:22p... Ah-nald is out to introduce "Avatar" as a Best Picture nominee, takes a dig at NBC ("the only way that James Cameron would make more money is if he were hired by NBC... then fired by NBC"). 

11:20p... Is anyone else as NOT stoked about the Winter Olympics as I am? 

11:20p... Uh... Mike Tyson is standing onstage, a part of a group who just won a Golden Globe Award for a movie, the same stage that Mo'Nique stood on after winning an acting award of her very own.  I'm not joking. 

11:19p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon is out to give away Best Picture Comedy or Musical.  How great would this be if "The Hangover" won?   AND IT WINS!!!!  THAT IS SO AWESOME!!! 

11:18p... The guys from "The Hangover", including Mike Tyson, are out to introduce their own movie... this movie is awesome.

11:15p... Jack Bauer and Olivia Wilde come out to give away the award for Best Comedy or Musical TV Series.... The Lovely Steph Leann might go postal if "Glee" doesn't win... or she might do the same if it does win.  Dunno.  There are a thousand people onstage, including Jayma Mays (left).

The winner?  "Glee".  The Lovely Steph Leann just screamed loudly.  The blood that is slowly trickling from my right ear I'm sure will dry on my wife-beater t-shirt.

11:09p... Jodie Foster comes out and introduces "The Hurt Locker", an awesome, amazing movie.  Ricky Gervais, beer in hand, says, "Cheers."  Then he says, "If I offended anyone, its the beer... I love to drink as much as the next man... unless the next man is... Mel Gibson..."

Mel Gibson is here to introduce the Best Director nominees.  I miss Fun Mel Gibson.  When he's not going off on cops and fathering children with nannies, he's a great guy to watch.  The winner?  James Cameron for "Avatar".  I was expecting Kathryn Bigelow for "The Hurt Locker", but I'm kinda wondering if this is a foretelling of whats to come at Academy Awards night--Cameron winning, and "Avatar" winning Best Picture, which I'm totally opposed to... not that they will ask my opinion.

10:56p... And here is the CC DeMille Award for Lifetime Achievement, which usually takes about 20 minutes.  This one goes to Martin Scorsese.  They do a pan shot to Brenden Fraser.  Who invited that guy?

Anyway, let's talk about the movies Scorsese has done... "Goodfellas"... "Aviator"... "Raging Bull"... "Taxi Driver"... "The Color of Money"... "The Departed"... "Cape Fear"... "Casino"... "Gangs of New York"... even his crap, like "Bringing Out the Dead" was good crap.  For what its worth, I lift my coffee cup to you, Marty Scorsese.

10:52p...  Ricky Gervais digs on Halle Berry in "Catwoman" before bringing her out.  I will always like Halle Berry, if only because she actually showed up at The Razzie Awards to accept her Worst Actress Award for "Catwoman".  The Best Supporting Actor goes to... Christoph Waltz for "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which I predicted, because he was amazing in that movie.   As he gets his award from Halle, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She's thinking 'please don't kiss me!'"

10:49p... Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini Series or Movie.  "Glee"'s Jane Lynch is nominated, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm gonna be so mad if 'Glee' doesn't win anything!"  Well, get mad, cause the chick from "Big Love" won.  The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "Dang it!" 

10:48p... Team Jacob comes out, much to the delight of a million and four girls age 14 and under, to introduce "(500) Days of Summer".  I liked it.  I didn't love it.  It was cute, but it wasn't the brilliant film that I was hearing about from everyone... though its use of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates might be brilliant in in of itself.

10:44p... Amy Poehler and Zack Levi come out to introduce Best Series Drama, including "Dexter", "Big Love", "House", "Mad Men" and "True Blood"... the winner?  "Mad Men".  I've seen one episode of this show, and I'm already hooked.  I'm totally getting the DVDs. 

10:39... The baddest mofo on the planet, Samuel L. Jackson, is here to introduce "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which is in my top ten movies of the year.  He then introduces Sophia Loren as a "real, live movie star", and she gets a standing ovation.  She looks great for 113 years old.  Those glasses are horrific, though.  "That is a shame," The Lovely Steph Leann comments.

She's here to introduce Best Foreign Language Film... Baaria... Broken Embraces... The Maid... Un Prophete... and The White Ribbon from Germany, which is going to win... and... and... and... it does.  Its about kids on the eve of some day in World War II.  That's got Oscar all over it. 

Of course, wouldn't it be interesting to see "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children"--about Nazi killing Jews--and "The White Ribbon"--about German kids in World War II--go head to head. 

10:38p... Maggie Gyllenhaal reminds us to give to Haiti.  She looks ghastly. 

10:36p... Jennifer Garner, who is probably not nominated for "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past", and Ashton Kutcher, who is probably not nominated for anything, is giving out Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical--The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the guy from "Glee" is announced as a nominee.  Alec Baldwin wins, but is nowhere to be found, as he's off doing charity for the Haitian Nation.

10:33p... Ricky Gervais introduces "Rachel from Friends and that bloke from 300"... So Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston come out to give away Best Screenplay.   A huge catagory, all five great movies... the winner is Jason Reitman for "Up in the Air"... my favorite film from 2009.  I admit it.

10:31p... Cameron Diaz comes out and says, "THIS is the film where Meryl Streep DOES sleep with Alec Baldwin".   She's referring to "Its Complicated", of course.  Cameron Diaz hasn't been pretty or talented since the first "Charlie's Angels" movie.  Just sayin'.

10:28p... Me: So you don't like Drew's dress, huh?   The Lovely Steph Leann: NO!   Drew gives a shout out to Mo'Nique... and then gives the most honest, best, most genuine speech of the entire night.  She's flustered, she's fumbling, she's speaking 90 to nothing...  Rock on, Drew Barrymore.

Drew Barrymore:  I'm humbled and honored

The Lovely Steph Leann:  What is that thing on her hip?  Like, its bad enough on her shoulder... but her hips too?

10:24p... The "Avatar" costars are out to do the Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Winner?  Kevin Bacon for "Taking Chance", a movie that I had on DVR for about six months... then deleted without watching.  He was also nominated for... "The River Wild", back in the 90's, also starring... Meryl Streep.

And while we are at it, Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mini-Series.... I want Drew Barrymore to win, so The Lovely Steph Leann will go off again about Drew's dress.  The winner is... Drew Barrymore for "Grey Gardens"!  She was my favorite bad girl back in the 90s... and its her first Golden Globe win.  That's just awesome...

10:22p... Could Helen Mirran be the most attractive 83 year old in the history of the world?  Seriously.  She always looks so, so classy and uppity.  She introduces "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire".  Now I'm depressed.

10:18p... Ricky Gervais makes a drunk Irish joke, then introduces Colin Firth, who introduces the Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical.  The winner goes to... Meryl Streep for "Julie & Julia"... yay!  The Tuch looks on, and seems proud.  The Lovely Steph Leann was rooting for Sandy Bullock in "The Proposal".

I notice that as Meryl Streep talks, the music doesn't play.  The band director is asking the show director "Do I start?" and the show director is saying, "Are you kidding?  This is Meryl Streep.  DO NOT cut off Meryl Streep..."

10:15p...  Tom Hanks:  "I'm here to introduce the movie that features Meryl Streep, and in this one she doesn't end up in bed with Alec Baldwin, but instead ends up in bed with Stanley Tucci, a step up..."  Its "Julie & Julia", which was a great film, featuring the aforementioned Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and a great turn by Meryl Streep.   

10:10p... Yay!  Its Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with!  The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Is she pregnant?" and I said, "Yes, but its not mine, I promise."  I got an eye roll.  Anyway, the nominees for best TV Movie or Mini Series.  The winner is "Grey Gardens", and whoever got up to accept the award turned her back to the camera, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh no!  That dress is terrible!"  Then she proceeds to rip Drew Barrymore a new one for "that thing on her shoulder... and oh my lord, she's got one on her waist too!"

10:08p... The score from "Up" is nominated for Best Score, and I hope it wins... it was wonderful.  The winner?  "Up"!  Its awesome.  Its so... well, perfect.  It takes you through those first gut-wretching, hard to watch, can't look away 9 minutes of that movie.

10:05p... Cher and Christina Aguliera are in a movie together, something called "Burlesque".  They are here to do the awards for Song from a Movie.  Cher looks terrible.  Not sure she could smile if she wanted to.  Christina... not too bad.  Its been a long time, Christina.  Glad to see you back.  I was guessing "Winter" by U2, from "Brothers", was going to win, to make up for the loss a few years ago when Three 6 Mafia took home the Oscar for "Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp" over U2's song from "Gangs of New York".

Who won?  The song from "Crazy Heart", which I should have guessed.  Its a country music movie about a hard drinking country star fallen from grace.  Shoulda known.

10:03p... Here's the ever grumpy Harrison Ford.  Seriously... this guy is not only Han Solo, but also Indiana Jones, plus he was in "Witness"!  He was in "The Mosquito Coast"!  He was in "American Graffiti"!  Harrison!  You've led an incredible life.  Smile once in a while, bucky.

10:02p... Just found out that Michael C. Hall actually has cancer.  Don't I feel like a sleazebucket. 

9:59p... Best actress in a TV Series Drama... All five women in shows I've never seen.  Julianna Margulies for "The Good Wife", which I have heard is a great show.  I just don't have time for more TV shows!!!

9:57p...  Best performances in drama!  Actor in a TV Series Drama... and the winner is Michael C. Hall for "Dexter", in his cancer-like knit cap.  I remember him as the gay brother in "Six Feet Under".

9:52p... And someone who hasn't been talented or pretty since "Amost Famous" its Kate Hudson!  And here's Mrs. William H. Macy, Felicity Huffman, completely fumbling and stumbling through the teleprompter to tell us who the Hollywood Foreign Press Association actually is... we meet the president, Philip Burk, who isn't the same Philip Burk I remember from the Lambda Chi house back in 1995.  And we still don't know what the HFPA does.

9:48p... The Animated Film Award, which will either go to "Up" or "The Fabulous Mr. Fox"... I hope that Pixar is not being held back because of its previous winnings... like a "They've won so many, so let's give it to someone else" kind of mentality.  The winner?  "Up".  Ha!  I knew it!  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yes!!"

9:48p... I hold the personal belief that Sir Paul McCartney stopped being relevant about thirteen years ago.  Just sayin'.

9:44p... Yay!  Its Mama Gilmore and some guy that I sort of recognize.  Mama Gilmore looked better on the show.  Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Its Doogie!  Everyone loves Doogie!  The winner, though?  John Lithgow wins for "Dexter".  I don't even think I knew he was on that show until yesterday, when The Sports Guy mentioned him in a podcast that I was listening too.  They cut to Michael C. Hall, the star of "Dexter", who is sporting some sort of knit skull cap--what, does he have cancer?

9:41p... Best Actress in a TV Series Comedy or Musical.   Matthew Fox is out there with someone that I don't recognize (I think its the chick from "Modern Family"), she's trying to get out her names, and its hard to understand her.  The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the chick from Glee is mentioned as a nominee.  Toni Collette wins for "The United States of Tara", which I could have predicted as soon as that show premiered last January... Toni Collette is playing a woman with like, five personalities.  If that doesn't get you an award, I'm not sure what does.

9:38p... Let me be clear.  Mo'Nique just won an acting award.  And she's going to tell us about all the beaten and abused women out there...  and I was right.     "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire" is a movie that I want to see.  Then again, I don't.

9:36p... Nicole Kidman looks like a wax figure.  She's here to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... Penelope Cruz is one of those chicks that I should find attractive, but don't.  Same goes for Vera Fermiga.  Not so much for Mo'Nique.  Julianne Moore and Anna Kendrick I do find attractive.  And in the "Yep, saw that coming" moment, Mo'Nique picks up the award for "Precious: Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire".  

9:34p... And he makes some pee-pee jokes... and jokes on Angelina Jolie and her 4,992 kids... and then says, "Let's get on it with, before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."  Knew that was coming!

9:31p... Our host is Ricky Gervais, British comic and star of the British show "The Office", which is where our "The Office" is based from.  The Golden Globes is awarded from The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which is a group that I have no clue what they are about.  Ricky comes out and takes digs at Steve Carrell, who portray's Gervais' American character.  Then he takes a dig at NBC (who doesn't). 

9:29p... And now... the Golden Globes have started.  Finally.

9:25p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still talking.  The show still hasn't started for us.  I've been careful to avoid E! Network or EW.com or Showbiz Tonight on CNN or anything else that might allude to who won what award.  So far.  Not sure how much longer I can keep this fast up.

9:15p... And now I wait for The Lovely Steph Leann to quit her yapping so we can turn on The Golden Globes Awards show, the show that started almost 2 and a half hours ago--I had high hopes that if we started at 7:30, even 8, we could fast forward through what we wanted to, and catch up to the live show.  But alas.

9:13p...  We're in!  We booked, we're all set, we have a room at All Star Sports for The Lovely Steph Leann and I, then an All Star Music Suite for Karen, Eric and the childrens.  Again... you call until you get the answer you want.  And we got the answer we wanted.  Rock on. 

8:59p... We are traveling with the cousin of The Lovely Steph Leann, Karen, and Karen's husband Eric, and their two children, Wyatt and Hannah.  Both kids are severly autistic, which is something that I know about.. but don't know about.  So, like, I don't know much about "how that works". 

8:53p... Finally, back from on hold... and our Cast Member we are talking to is named Elisa.  She rocks.  Seriously...

8:46... Still on hold

8:22pm... The Golden Globes officially started at 7pm, which is 5pm California time.  However, we've got it on DVR, and we haven't started it yet... why?  First, I had to work tonight until 7pm at The Happiest Place in the Mall.  Then, when I got off at 7pm, I had to stop by Subway to bring home some Eat Fresh for dinner.  Upon arrival at home, circa 7:30, The Lovely Steph Leann was busy as a bee putting up Christmas ornaments into their proper boxes (this is a daunting task that I usually do every year, but this year she's assisting).  I sat down, put the Eat Fresh sandwiches off to the side, fired up the laptop and pulled up a blank blogpage.

"Can you call Disney and find out rates for our March trip?"  The Lovely Steph Leann asked.  I sighed.  I stared at the remote, at the Eat Fresh sandwiches, at the computer and sighed again.  This was going to take a while. 

See, here's the thing... as much as I love my own company, the one I work for and will be a part of for at least the next 3 and 1/2 months, their reservation system for Cast Members is... well, sometimes rather incompetant.  Put it this way--most of the time, you call until you get the answer you want, and then you book it then, just like tonight.  I've talked to four Cast Members over six phone calls (the first my phone dropped out, and I threw it, and the second, I got transferred in error to the wrong person, who put me on hold for many, many minutes--which means I hung up and threw it.  I don't do well being on hold for stupid reasons.  Just sayin').  Anyway, I finally called back, and got someone now who is supposed to help me book our final trip before I leave The Happiest Place in the Mall in April.