In the course of 2014, so much has changed, but few things have surprised me more than the face that somehow, someway... I became a fan of Pit Bull.
(now, is it Pitbull? Pit Bull? Pit ft Bull? Let's just go with Pitbull, save the effort and wear and tear on the space bar)
My earliest memory of Pit Bull, as I talk about him like he's an old childhood friend, or a puppy that I grew up with, was that Dr Pepper commercial that aired during sporting events... it was the one that went "let's have a real good time, a real good time..."
Oh, you don't remember that? Well, in reality, it went:
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
let's have a real good time, a real good time...
Yeah, that one. It was kind of annoying. And I truly only know two of his songs, the first being "Timber", his collaboration with Ke$ha... though she may be just Kesha now, I heard something about her dropping the $ from her name in order to start a new path, as she left rehab last year. By the way, I wrote 600+ words on Ke$ha in February. So truly, I now have two different posts that Kesha is a major part of. What.
Anyway, I contend that if Kesha sang all the time like she notes she belts out in "Timber", I'd be a much bigger fan. As it is, "Tik Tok" is in the list of strangely stupid, ridiculous songs that I somehow find myself enjoying, even if it's just ironically. I mean, she sings of "brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack." Like, I can honestly tell you I've never had a sip of Jack Daniels, be it straight or mixed. But I have had pure Listerine. My dad made me use it as mouthwash when I would get mouth ulcers as a kid, and that stuff is strong.
I can only guess that Listerine isn't as strong as Jack, so to brush your teeth with Jack has to be not only foolish, but wasteful in that Jack ain't cheap, and possibly damaging to the enamel on your teeth with repeated brushing. Does she pour the Jack on the toothbrush, or just use it as a mouthwash? I digress.
So The Kesh and Pitbull team up to give us this delightful little ditty called "Timber", which I don't even know all the words to, other than picking up things like "Bras and thongs", "bigga dey are the harda dey fall" and "swing yo' partner round and round", which probably tells you it's not a remake of a Steven Curtis Chapman tune. But it's fun, especially with Paul Harrington's harmonica kicking the song off, and with the tune's noticeable folk and nearly country line dance sort of rhythm. (fyi, you aren't necessarily supposed to know who Paul Harrington is, I just read about it on Wikipedia).
I was addicted to that song for a while, then it sorta stopped getting played on my iPod as much (mixed in between all my podcasts, I do listen to a song or two... I been known to cut a rug in my day). Then I heard "Fireball". Like, what do you even do with this song?
It's this insane party tune that features a brass band, an infectious groove and a dude named John Ryan that, like Kesha before him, provides the song with pipes and melody. Like "Timber", it opens with awesome music, Pitbull singing/rapping for a verse, then the real singer doing their due diligence, then the chorus. Then awesome music, Pitbull singing/rapping the second verse, the real singer doing their stuff again, then the chorus. Fade out.
Add to that Pitbull's Hispanic accent, where "roof on fire" becomes "roof ahn fiah" and "walk this way" becomes "wall dis wah", a crazy sampling of the actual Aerosmith classic "Walk This Way" (not just in tune either, like Pitbull is almost doing different lines to the same tune) and this insane "babybabybabybabybabybabybaby" riff that is a lot harder than you think--trust me, I've tried it... all of that together makes for one of my Top 5 songs of 2014 thus far.
I tell myself that two songs from an artist does not a fan make... I love "Eleanor Rigby" and "Penny Lane" from The Beatles, and yet, I'm not a huge fan of theirs, and though I think "Tik Tok" and "We R We Are" from Kesha are stupid fun, I don't count myself a Kesha Krazy... well, I also like "Your Love Is My Drug", so maybe I am, I dunno.
I just made up "Kesha Krazy" as a name for her fanbase. Kesha, you are welcome.
What can I say... I love music, and much of my favorite stuff is stupid music. Don't even get me started on "Party in the USA", or worse, "Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus, #BoomClapBoomDeClapDeClap... it reaches back to the early 90s, when I owned Vanilla Ice's "To the Extreme" cassette tape, and Color Me Badd's albums were on my "to purchase" list before I stopped buying music in order to save money.
Really, I just want to be in a situation where I, and a bunch of my friends and strangers, all feel compelled to jump up and yell "FIREBALL" all at the same time. Because anytime you can have a simultaneous "FIREBALL!!!" yelling, you know you are having a real good time, a real good time.. let's have a real good time, a real good time... let's have a real good time, a real good time...
TEASER... Sunday night, join me online on Twitter @davedollar and here on the blog for the Golden Globe Running Diary
TEASER... American Idol starts next week... we skipped last year #BecauseMinaj and #BecauseMariah, but with Harry Connick, Jr, the returning J-Lo and the returning keith urban (and no Randy the Dawg), I'll be back giving you an episode-by-episode recap!
Bookmark this site so you dont miss anything I have to say, cause let's face it, while what I have to say really isn't that important, its mildly entertaining somewhat. And sort of. Maybe? Yeah!
Ok... onto The Movies!!
And due to blogger being stupid, no pictures for you, unfortunately...
My goal for 2013 was to watch 100 films that I had never seen before. Theatrical releases, with very little exception (otherwise I could plant myself in front of Lifetime Movie Channel and watch 6 movies in a row about women empowerment all starring Judith Light or Valerie Harper, sometimes both...) Now, not all of these movies were released in 2013... in fact, most of them weren't, but I wanted to give you my list of movies for my own archival purposes, but also for that "here's what I thought, in case you wanted to know if it was good or not" purposes...
So over the next few days, I'm going to give you the entire list... later this week, you'll get the best films I watched in 2013, both movies from 2013 and movies released pre-2013... and also, the movies "in the middle", not the best, nor the worst, but some that deserve attention.
But today, let's kick off our 2013 Movie Watching Recap with the ten worst films I watched in 2013:
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)... This isn't a bad movie, not all. In fact, its quirky, its decent, its amusing here and there... so why is it here? Because this movie got a boat load of attention in late 2011, for the '12 Oscar season, on how great it was, and how great the lead, young Quvenzhane Wallis was, and on and on. This films is decent, but nowhere near worth the hype. I have my theories that most people didn't love it as much as they say they did, they felt compelled to sing its praises for political reasons... you get me. Review here.
Madea's Witness Protection (2012)... Yes. This is as bad as you think it would be. Worse, even. My first Tyler Perry movie, and it might be my last. We can only hope.
And here is THE BOTTOM TEN...
10... Blitz (2011)... Jason Statham in a mess of a film about a tough cop (is there any other kind when its Statham in the role?) chasing a serial killer who targets police officers and it doesn't matter. Hard to understand because of the thick British accents, hard to care because of the loose plot.
9... Red Dawn (2012)... Being a fan of the guilty pleasure that is the original Red Dawn, this one doesn't even come close. Trade the Russians with the North Koreans as your enemies, that's fair enough, but Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson and Adrianne Palicki are poor imitations of Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson and Jennifer Grey.
8... Spring Breakers (2013)... This movie is terrible. The best thing about it is James Franco, who dives into his role as a sleazeball pimp-type dude named Alien. The only other sorta good thing about is Selena Gomez, who disappears halfway through the film. Oh, and wrestler Jeff Jarrett makes an appearance as a youth pastor.
7... Meatballs Part II (1984)... What a travesty... one of the characters is an alien, and not the character Alien from the above "Spring Breakers". No, an actual alien, with eyes that glow. Which is a dude in a clunky costume. Don't even ask me why I saw this... I was probably holding a sleeping baby with a remote across the room.
6.. Piranha 3DD (2012)... So the fun in the first film, "Piranha 3D" was that it was so random, so ridiculous and such a great bad film (Elisabeth Shue helps) Its like, everything they did to make the first one fun they purposely made sure not to do in this one. The cast--Ving Rhames, Hasselhoff, David Koechner, Chris Lloyd--is totally wasted in this piece of crap. Here's all I could say about it in my online review:Run. Run from this movie. If someone holds a gun to your head, then take the bullet and hope for the best. Just sayin'.
5... Hansel & Gretel: Vampire Hunters (2013)... I enjoy Jeremy Renner, especially in The Avengers and most recently, in American Hustle, and I like Gemma Arterton, former Bond girl. I also am a fan of Famke Janssen, cause she's a looker, and played Jean Grey in the X-Men films. Toss them together in this, and you get a pile of poop. Its awful. Big budgeted, bloated, stupid and awful.
4... The Paperboy (2012)... The most wasted cast of the year... and I dont mean high on weed (though with Matthew McConaughey here, it might be), but rather great talents making a terrible, weird film... John Cusack is horrendous, Zac Efron should hate himself for this, and Nicole Kidman--who's performance is strangely amazing, yet you hate her too in this... Kidman's character, Charlotte, pees on Efron's character Jack. That's all you need.
1... LOL (2012)... In 2002, right as Britney Spears was doing that "not a girl, not yet a woman, BritBrit released "Crossroads". A young Justin Long and a young Zoe Saldana starred along a popular, still with Timberlake, sweet, quasi-innocent Britney, and the movie was... well, it wasn't good. It had its moments, and I can see this being a guilty pleasure...
...I sort of expected this to movie to be Miley Cyrus' version of "Crossroads". Oh nay. Oh nay nay. A long haired Miley plays "Lola"... Lola... LOL... get it? Eh? Eh! and Demi Moore is her mom... and everything is bad about this movie. The plot is terrible. The acting is terrible. The characters are stupid, and you want everyone to get set on fire by Ghost Rider (which might've made both of these films a little better). Stay away. There is not even a slightly amusing second of this movie. Worst movie I saw all year long.
At least the makers of Piranha 3DD knew they were making a steaming pile of ostrich stool. The people who made LOL actually tried, which makes it worse because they failed so miserably.
So there's the worst of the lot, the worst movies I saw in all of 2013... but we still have 100+ more movies to mention... up next, the "middle movies", the ones that fall somewhere between the best and the worst... and then, the Top Ten Movies Released in 2013, and the Top Ten Movies Released Before 2013.... so keep checking back this week!
(6094 words written... 13,906 words until the goal of 20,000 in January... #500Words #20KinJan)
I, like many people here in 'Merica, have made a list of resolutions... or, if you will, things I want to accomplish in 2014. But I hope to take a look back at 2013, to remember the year, and some of these things I managed...
Coming later this week, my list of 38 things I want to do in 2014... on Monday, Clouds presents its first Movie Monday, with a list of my Top Ten Films of 2013, plus a quick list of all the movies I saw this year for the first time (and the worst films too!)
Next week, a list of books read in 2013, as we close out the year...
however comma
I'd be remiss if I didn't own up to the things that I didn't do this past year.
And honestly, I am okay with... even proud of... this list of 13 things I did NOT do in 2013:
In 2013, the year of our Lord...
**I did NOT adopt the word "Cray" or "Cray Cray" into my daily vernacular. And cheers to The Huffington Post for keeping it real about what people my age should be saying... I know, right?
**I did NOT read a single page, nor learn a single thing about the "50 Shades of Grey" series.
**I did NOT see a single minute of any real housewife in any city on any reality show of any kind
I think how good Miley Cyrus can be is directly proportional
to the length of her hair. Here? Awesome. Short cut? Not
so much. Also, beware, unless you Google "Miley Party in
the USA" specifically, you'll get lots of her 2013 images.
Ew.
**I did NOT see a single second of anything to do with Miley Cyrus when it comes to a wrecking ball
**I did NOT hear a single note of the aforementioned "Wrecking Ball" song, nor have I actually heard any Miley music since "Party in the USA". In fact, to me, she doesn't exist after "Party in the USA".
**I did NOT grasp any understanding of the word "twerk", what it means to "twerk", how to "twerk", or anything else associated with "twerking" of any kind.
**I did NOT hear any Nicki Minaj song. As a matter of fact, this is a two year streak now. I don't know anything she sings, and wouldn't recognize her voice at all.
**I did NOT hear anything by Justin Beiber. Similarly to Miley's "Party in the USA" cutoff for me, the only Beiber song I know anything about is "Boyfriend", and that's only because its so utterly ridiculous.
**I did NOT learn what a Harlem Shake is, nor have I ever heard it sung.
**I did NOT see a single frame of any show featuring the words "Duck" and "Dynasty". No offense to any of those guys, I just haven't seen the show, ever, and have no desire to watch it. Ever.
**I did NOT find out what the fox says. Apparently that was a song. Thankfully, I never heard it.
**I did NOT gain the ability to distinguish any of the Kardashians from one another. I think there is a Khloe and a Kourtney and a Kim? Maybe? Who knows? Better yet, who cares...
**I did NOT get a Pinterest, SnapChat, Kik or whatever else is out there. Right now, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook are enough. Perhaps I'll pick up Pinterest in the future, as I am promoting a Disney site, but for now, I'm full up on Social Media.
By the way, parents, make sure you check out this article about SnapChat, and how dangerous it is for teenagers--especially teen girls. I'd eventually like to have a daughter, but I tell ya, this world is not kind to young women...
There are probably a few more things I didn't do this year, but that's my main list... of course, there are things I DID do in this vein, notably, fall in love with "Blurred Lines". Can't say I'm proud of that, but there it is.
Check out the site tomorrow, Friday morning at the latest, and you'll get my (already written) list of things I want to do in 2014, which I call my Great 38...
With only six contestants left, Seacrusty starts off this show by telling us that our votes count more than ever. More than ever. Why, you ask? Why do our votes count so much, more than ever? Well, because...
THIS
IS
AMERICAN
IDOL
Tonight, they revisit a them they used a few seasons back, don't ask me which because I don't remember and I don't really feel like going back and looking for it...
I do love me some Queen. Freddie Mercury, who probably had the most infamous overbite in the history of musical overbites, was the full definition of the word "flamboyant"... and as the Idols sit down with Roger Something and Brian May of Queen, I get the sense that only Phillip2 and My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone actually realize what a big deal this is, and how amazing advice from these two guys could possibly be.
Its a two hour show tonight, and with the Idols down to six, they'll be doing two rounds... first, its their Queen renditions... and second, its a choice of their own.
Round One: The Queen Songs
Kicking off the show is J-Sanch, with no prepackaged video about her hometown or her day with Jimmy Iovine or what have ya... and she's taking on "Bohemian Rhapsody". And for whatever reason, they are showing her in black and white...
The Lovely Steph Leann: I find this black and white thing very bizarre. Its not like these people in the audience can see this. This is just... weird.
...but as J-Sanch gets to the meat of the song, the color kicks in.
Me: That's gotta be really hard to arrange for a minute and a half song
The Lovely Steph Leann: Its a really long song anyway... and... she's wearing sneakers. High top sneakers with her dress. What is that?
The judges loved this song, by the way. For me, not a fan.
And in the second position tonight. Little Skylar Laine is taking on a monster depressing song, one called "The Show Must Go On". Why is it depressing? Its about Freddie Mercury's battle with AIDS, which he ended up losing in the late 80s.
Can't say I love this song, as I really appreciate it more than I like it, but this Little Skylar Laine brought it. Creepy Uncle Steven loved it. J-Lo gots the goosies. Randy the Dawg, sporting a ridiculous pin that simply says "YO", loved it, skipping right past the "she's in it to win it!" and going straight to the "she's gotta have it!". Those is some big words, Dawg.
Doing one my favorite Queen tunes, Joshua Ledet is holding one of those old school, big rectangular mics with the cord draped all over the stage... he's singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". He does his thing on the stage, and the judges give him a Standing O... honestly though--and I can barely push a tune in a wheelbarrow much less carry it--to me, it was a bit screechy.
The judges are all about it, though, and J-Lo even says that her favorite part of the show is the Joshua part.
And doing "I Want It All" is My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone. To me, she's got this odd look about her, kinda like her face broke and was glued back together, not quite right... but I so dig her voice. Whereas everyone so far sounds like, good or bad, they are trying to recreate the Queen song they are singing, My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone sounds like she has made this song completely her own... and I love it!
And in another one of my favorite Queen songs, Phillip2 is singing the ode to those of the fairer gender who carry with them a somewhat larger posterior... you know, junk in the trunk... a bodonkadonk... thats right, its "Fat Bottomed Girls".
This song is so much fun to sing... "awwwwww... gonna take me home tonight!!!!" And Phillip2 seemed perfect for this tune... though I wish the backup dancers had more going in their own backends. I mean, if you are singing about the trunk, then show it off!
Creepy Uncle Steven loved it. J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg liked it.
And finishing up The Queen Round, its Hollie Cav doing a Queen tune that I don't really know... its called "Save Me".
As I was fast forwarding through commercials via the --> button on my DVR remote, I looked over and noticed The Lovely Steph Leann was dozing off. I know she's tired as a one armed paper hanger, but when she gets on her couch, Campbell Isaiah in deep sleep while draped across her chest, sometimes its hard for her to stay awake. And I mention this only because Hollie Cav's song was really slow.
I look over, and surprisingly, The Lovely Steph Leann is awake. Barely.
Creepy Uncle Steven loved the song. J-Lo has been rambling about connecting to the songs for the last 27 minutes. I think she liked it, but I'm not positive. And Randy the Dawg, also trying to stay awake, liked it.
I liked it, but didn't love it. The Lovely Steph Leann? Dozing.
ROUND TWO... The Idols Pick 'Em
We come back and see Seacrusty talking to The Saved Jessica Sanchez, who has chosen Luther's "Dance With My Father". She's dedicating it to her father, who is being deployed overseas, apparently to Singapore rather than the Middle East--a somewhat easier place, but difficult nonetheless. So, I dare not make fun of J-Sanch, not with her dad serving our country.
Thank you, Daddy Sanchez, for serving.
Back to J-Sanch... its good. Well, again, I have to say her vocals are just about flawless... but still she's kinda boring. The judges just gush on J-Sanch. So how do I balance an incredible voice with a lifeless personality? Sigh.
In between the performances this round, they are showing little videos of the Idols describing the Idol about to perform... and we are amused as British Hollie Cav tries to say that Little Skylar Laine is tough and "thick skinned", only she says, "Little Skylar Laine is... thick boned. Is that how you say it?"
Going back to her roots this round, Little Skylar Laine is doing Jason Aldean's "Tattoos On This Town", a song that I had never, ever, never heard of, nor did I even know existed. And she sounded great, like something I'd hear on WZZK here in town. Good times.
The judges don't stand, but they do gush.
For the second go-round, Joshua Ledet is taking on India.Arie's "Ready For Love". Not only do I not know this song, I can't tell you a single India.Arie song, neither title nor tune.
(brief pause for laundry duties and crying baby... full blown "holy crap, I just woke up and I'm frikkin' hungry, FEED ME NOW YOU STUPID PARENTS" meltdown)
And back. Don't know the song, but I like Joshua's rendition of it, though I feel like were The Lovely Steph Leann not holding a bottle to Campbell Isaiah's face, she'd be asleep.
Randy the Dawg practically drools over this (the song, not the propective nap from The Lovely Steph Leann)... Creepy Uncle Steven smells the finish line... and J-Lo uses the word "Transcendant". There ya go.
My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone is singing Jimi Hendrix's "Bold as Love", and I love what EW blogger Annie Barrett said about this obscure choice... she writes, "...it seems like Elise has come to terms with the fact that she's not the judges' chosen one, so why not just go nuts, do a largely spoken-word song, and attach an orange scarf to her "melisma hand" so it will look crazier than ever?"
I didn't know the song, and I am not headed to iTunes to download it immediately, but at the same time, I thought it was great.
And of course, the judges drill her for song choice. Creepy Uncle Steven says, "you can't pick the cherries with your back to the tree... but I loved it." J-Lo actually sticks up for My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone by saying, "I think you slayed that song so hard." Randy the Dawg goes back to Creepy Uncle Steven and harps on song choice.
Phillip2 has been compared to Dave Matthews all season, so what better way to differentiate himself from that comparison than by actually doing a Dave Matthews song? This song is called "The Stone". Cool voice aside, I couldn't care less about this song.
Naturally, My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone does an obscure song and gets poohed on... but Phillip2 does it, and the judges love it. Creepy Uncle Steven loves the fact that Phillip2 takes chances... but My Next American Idol E-Test needs to do something familiar. Randy the Dawg wants Phillip2 to be Phillp2. But My Next American Idol E-Test needs to please the audience.
And finally, Hollie Cav wraps up the show with...
(pause to finish feeding the grumpy 5 month old, and to give him his soothing colic tablets...)
...a song that I cannot get away from. Miley Cyrus' "The Climb". I say it now... if this song is anywhere near my funeral service, I'll rise from the casket like Lazerus and kick someone's teeth in before I go into the Light.
That being said, I think I liked Hollie Cav's version of this song more than any other time I've ever heard it. As much as I don't like the song, I really like this song. Go figure.
The judges? Standing O. And gushing abounds.
Best to Worst: Phillip2's "Fat Bottomed Girls"... Hollie Cav's "The Climb"... Little Skylar Laine's "Tattoos On This Town"... My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone's "I Want It All"... My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone's "Bold As Love"... J-Sanch's "Dance with My Father"... Little Skylar Laine's "The Show Must Go On"... Joshua Ledet's "Ready for Love"... Hollie Cav's "Save Me"... J-Sanch's "Bohemian Rhapsody"... Phillip2's "The Stone"... Joshua Ledet's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
(Preface... this was written on Monday and Tuesday of this week. Wednesday, the Lovely Steph Leann was admitted to the hospital for labor pains, essentially, and I didn't get to finish tweaking this for posting. So here I am on the 6th floor of the Brookwood Women's Center, the new one, in a quiet room, and I wanted to finish it up... so here ya go...)
And we continue with our countdown... first, a few reminders--this is a five part Vh1 show, I've already covered Hours 1, 2 and 3 (which you can read here), I've got Hours 4 and 5 coming up below, and just so you know, I'm seeing each song on the countdown for the first time... meaning, I haven't seen the list and know what's coming. I write it as I watch it appear.
Let's keep moving, with the 40th greatest song of the 2000s decade, according to Vh1...
40... "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy (2005)
I cannot tell you for certain that I could name any song by Fall Out Boy... and I keep thinking of "Number One With a Bullet"... wait? That's this song? (the song is playing on the tv and they just got to the "blah blah something merry go round something number one with a bullet")
So this song is not called "Number One With a Bullet"? Its called "Sugar, We're Goin' Down"? Perhaps I should have had my late teens in this decade, and I'd probably know more. Personally, I like "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger.
Incidentally, one of the guys in this band, Pete Wintz, is the host of this entire countdown show. And he's terrible with a bullet. His hosting career is going down, down... see what I did there? Good one, d$!
39... "Chasing Pavement" by ADELE (2008)
Man this chick can sing. Actually, I didn't discover her until "Rollin' in the Deep", which freakin' rules. And ADELE is amazing, because she has this special quality that not alot of pop stars have nowadays... talent and a good voice.
But though I know what a pavement is, I am unclear as to why you'd need to chase it. It doesn't move much.
38... "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus (2009)
Um...
Maybe you should listen to the song about 114 times, and maybe that's the breaking point. That's the threshold. After that, you like it.
Uh...
Did you know that this song had a resurgence on the charts when Osama bin Laden was killed? To me, that's the final insult... you are this powerful leader for decades, causing fear, death and destruction in your reign, and your death is celebrated by your enemies with a Miley Cyrus song. Ha!
Me? Oh, well, I, uh... I hate this song.
No, I don't know all the words, why would you ask such a foolish question as that? You silly.
Um. No, I don't put my hands up when they are singing my song, and the butterflies fly away (butterfly fly away). Uh, no, I don't have the video. Why would... check my iPod? No, that's private. Why would you want to do that?
I think I just saw Chris Hanson, so let's move on.
37... "Oops!... I Did It Again" by Britney Spears (2000)
"Baby, One More Time..."? Absolutely. "Sometimes"? Heck ya. "You Drive Me Crazy"? Sure, why not?
"Oops!... I Did It Again"? No way. Terrible song. And was a terrible entry in the Christina vs. Britney battle. I mean, who likes crappy, catchy pop junk like this? (why are you scrolling up to re-read #38? Come back)
36... "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSync (2000)
Dude. This song flippin' rules. I ain't even joking.
Get past the boy-band part of it, and JT, Joey, Chris, Kirkpatrick and NancyLancey could own it. And this song was awesome. As a guy, liking the Backstreet Boys was straight-cred destruction. However, liking *NSync was just normal, cause we all like them.
However, my affection for this song may not be so much the song itself but the redux done a few years back by the cover band *NStynk...
35... "Daughters" by John Mayer (2004)
Fathers, be good to your daughters, don't let them near John Mayer.
I like John well enough--I really dig "Gravity", "Clarity", "No Such Thing" and of course, "Your Body Is a Wonderland"--but this song not so much. I think its about ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
34... "All For You" by Janet Jackson (2001)
Yeah! Love me some Janet! At least, Janet before the infamous Wardrobe Malfunction at the Super Bowl. I think she's more of a punchline now, but back in the day, especially back in the 90s, you had "Rhythm Nation" and "Miss You Much" and "Control" and one of my all time favorite songs ever, "Love Will Never Do (without you)"... she's fantastic.
And this song is pretty good too. A little dirty, though, so don't really study the lyrics. Have you ever read the lyrics to "If"? Great song, sounds awesome, and it frustrated me that she sang so fast, I couldn't understand them... so I looked them up. Holy crap. I blushed. I mean, its like, down and freaky. Wow. So now you know.
33... "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (2003)
Wow. So, I feel like cracking wise about this particular song, and Johnny Cash at the time he sang it would be akin to making fun of the opening battle scene of "Saving Private Ryan", or the ending to "Schindler's List" or anything serious and depressing like that. Not that "Hurt" compares historically to those particular times in our nation's history itself, but you get my drift.
So I won't.
But what I will say is this: This song, this video, is a pre-death eulogy. Cash had a successful, but at the same time hard and even horrible, life. He did this song after his wife, June Carter, had passed, and he passed not too long after. The video is crushing. Film clips of a younger him, celebrating, not knowing that some of his life would be so wasted, clips of June Carter and their relationships, so happy yet so stormy and rocky... and the lyrics are so, so moving. This is truly one of the few songs out there that I would classify as "painful" on so many levels, and I don't even have a connection to the song, other than I have a soul and am not dead inside.
Hurricane Rhett would make fun of this entire piece.
32... "This Love" by Maroon 5 (2004)
I really, really wanted to not like this song. I wanted to hate this song, and as a result, hate Maroon 5... but I can't help it. This song is kinda fun, kinda catchy. And Maroon 5's music is actually not bad. It's not revolutionary, but it does stick with you.
Sing it with me... This... love... has... taken its toll on me... she says goodbye too many times before (oh-whoa-oh)... everybody!
And Adam Levine gets some major play... at least in his videos.
31... "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse (2007)
Okay... "Amy shoulda gone to Rehab! Ha!" There, I said it. Oh, and, "We tried to make her to go to rehab, and she said No! No! No!" See what I did there? I kill me.
30... "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani (2005)
Fine. I'll admit it. I love the dang fool out of this song. Its addicting, Gwen is awesome, its stupid, its catchy, its poppy, its ridiculous and it forever changing our mental processes when it comes to fruit.
What with the number one song be, Gwen? Ah! You are keeping
yourself from blurting out the answer! Good job, girly!
Much like any mention of a chick named Stacy, you'll think about how going on her mom has it, a mention many times of a banana will elicit this thought: Its bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Were I a chick, a cheerleader, gay or all three, this might be my anthem. I frikkin' love this song.
Still unclear as to what a "Hollaback" girl is, and what makes one "hollaback". Not sure.
29... "Best of You" by The Foo Fighters (2005)
I guess while I was making time with Gwen and hollering back, I missed this entirely, because I've never even heard this song, like ever in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I dig the Foo Fighters, and "Learn to Fly" is in my Top 100 all time, I think Dave Grohl is awesome, and hearing a snippet of this song, I like it too... but I've never heard it. Maybe I should have listened to 107.7 the X more often.
28... "Music" by Madonna (2000)
This song sucks. So does Madonna any time after 1998.
That is all.
27... "Yeah!" by Usher, feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris (2004)
Another ridiculous, stupid, moronic song with no redeeming value that I just simply love and sometimes will blast out of the Red Robin, making sure my speaker colored thumping lights are thumping like a twitchy ninja, when it comes on.
YEEAAAHH!! OOOHKAAYYYY!!!
Kick that, rewind it back, Lil Jon, Luda and Ur-shure got the beat
that make yo' booty go boom!
Gotta tell ya, Usher... underrated talent. I know, I know, he's sold a bajillion records, though like Nickleback CDs, I don't know anyone that owns one... but Usher doesn't get a ton of mentions when discussing great voices. He's good. He's really good.
Then you toss in the stupid stoopid Lil Jon, who says, "The chorus of this was easy. You just say Yeah... then Yeah... then Yeah... and Yeah again. We kind of ad-libbed it." And finally, Ludacris in a cleaner form, at least in his lyrics, and you've got a legendary dance hit.
26... "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes (2003)
Yes, I have heard of them. I just feel like I'm not hipster enough to like The White Stripes. She & Him, sure. Ingrid Michelson, yep. The White Stripes? I've not only not heard this song, I've never heard OF this song.
25... "Hot In Herre" by Nelly (2002)
This made me laugh loud. Serriously. I've trried to tell my darrling wife, "hey, its getting hot in herre, so take off all yourr clothes", and in the real worrld, it doesn't worrk. Sorrry.
Let's be rreal herre... I didn't go to a ton of parrties in college, and even less in high school, so I'm not what you'd call, "A Parrty Going Experrt", but I can tell you this from my limited experrience... Chicks that tell you "I am gettin' so hot I'm gonna take my clothes off" are few and farr between. But when you do stumble acrross such a chick, you might be tempted to think, "Awesome!", and perrhaps at 19, I would have thought that. Howeverr, I'm old enough to know now that if such a statement is spoken by said chick, its a good bet she has done this beforre, lest you think you arre the test case for this scenarrio. And in thinking she's prrobably done this beforre, its not a long leap to assume she prrobably has an STD. And although chicks with venerreal diseases arre still people too, that would be someone you want to be fully clothed. I'm just sayin'.
24... "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott (2001)
As much as a I hate this song, its a good reminder that I am a total music hypocrite, and even snob. As much as I dig on "When the taxi man turned on the radio and a Jay-Z song was on... a Jay-Z song was on... a Jay-Z song was on!" and goofy lyrics as such, sometimes the lyrics are just too stupid for even me. And when they are forced together to make a rap, its bad.
Like this song. Man, do I hate this song. I hate everything about it. I hate that beat. I hate that she hocks a loogie in the middle of it. I hate that in the video, she spits in a man's mouth... "In yo' face... open yo' mouth, get you a tays..." I hate the fact it uses "Ur" for "Your". I hate the video. I hate the fact I heard this song 3813 times in 2001.
Let's move on before I throw this nearby Katy Perry CD through the window. I wish I were kidding.
23... "Get the Party Started" by P!nk (2001)
I can't say I hate this song. I really can't say I like it, either. I actually could just take it or leave it. I'm not sure that apathy is what P!nk was going for.
However, I am considering changing my name to dav!d. Its a thought.
22... "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys
Okay, I have several things to say about this song, but first, I must tell you that I do really like this song. It think its a career-defining masterpiece. And I did use the word "Masterpiece" because that's how its performed.
However comma
Have you ever heard the expression "Could sing the phone book and still sound amazing"? That's what this song reminds me of. Allow me to put on my lyrical snobbery hat again, and just tell you, I'm bothered by how simple some of the lyrics are. "Sometimes I love you, sometimes you make me feel blue"? Really? "I never felt this way. How do you give me so pleasure, and cause me so much pain"? Each verse is only, like, two lines! Am I being overly dramatic in wanting a little deeper meaning in my lyrics?
No matter... Keys is amazing in this tune. You know what, forget I said all that. I love this song.
21... "99 Problems" by Jay-Z (2003)
If you having girl problems, I feel bad for you soon, I got 99 problems but a (crude term for someone of the female persuasion) ain't one...
How is this okay? Isn't this song a little misogynistic? Am I being overly critical here?
20... "Toxic" by Britney Spears (2003)
Ugh.
Really? Really? 10,000 songs in a decade and this is the 20th best of all? Seriously?
19... "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child (2001)
Sigh.
And they just keep getting better, don't they? Okay, so this song is fun, and by far better than "Toxic" will ever be, and for the record, I pick Kelly Rowland over Beyonce any day, but I can't put this in my own personal Top 20. Or 50. Or 100. "I don't think you ready for this jelly..." is a fun line, though.
By the way, because of this song, the term "Bootylicious" was added to the dictionary. This is why the terrorists hate us.
18... "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera (2002)
Two things:
First... it is a good song. Yes, we've heard it a thousand times, and in 2002, that was per day, but when it comes down to it, it really is a great tune.
Second... I'm happy she beat out "Toxic". Unlike Britney, Christina has a great non-studio produced voice. Love it.
(sidebar... I'm reviewing this part of the list with The Lovely Steph Leann, getting any feedback, and with Maroon 5, she simply said, "Oh, I like that song"... but with this one, the floodgates freakin' opened... "Oh my gosh, I hate that Aguilera song! I hate it! Hate it!" She then proceeds to sing it in a horrible mocking screeching tone, accenting the word "beautiful" in a terrible pitch. She then ends her tirade by saying, "Hate it." Don't hold back, Steph, tell me how you feel.)
17... "Clocks" by Coldplay (2002)
Who doesn't like this song? Seriously? And if they do a 100 Greatest Songs Intros of Like, Ever, you'd have to see this song up there somewhere.
But let's be clear--I, you, maybe even them, have no idea what this song even means.
16... "Single Ladies (put a ring on it)" by Beyonce (2008)
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
(is it in your head yet? yes? mission accomplished)
Excuse me Taylor, Imma letcha finish... but Beyonce had one ada greatest videos of all time!
(and yes, I do like this song. its fun. even the lovely steph leann likes it)
15... "Beautiful Day" by U2
Dear Bono,
That's enough. You've had your run, and its been a great one. U2 is one of the biggest bands in the history of the world, and we all know it. Your music will live forever, and transcends generations. Your album "The Joshua Tree" is immaculate. Songs like "With or Without You" and "Streets Have No Name" and "New Years Day" and even later stuff, lesser known stuff like "Mysterious Ways", is music I am excited to let Campbell Isaiah and/or Lorelei Addison experience. [which we now know as Campbell Isaiah only]
But Bono, its 2011. Apparently you put an album out recently, and no one even knew about it. Its time to step away. Its time for you to free up more time for Darfur or the rain forests or Ensley or whatever, and allow Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton time to do more music for Mission Impossible movies, and to say, "Hey, The Edge, its time for us to part." Let it go, Bono. Its time
Signed,
d$
Not sure if this is a performance of "Crazy", and I'm
not sure if that is Danger Mouse in the trooper outfit,
but either way, the picture is cool.
14..."Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
Holy crap this song is awesome. Like, every beat, every second, every minute detail, every word of this song rulz to the maximum allowance of ruling. "Crazy" is fan-flippin-tastic.
Were I to give my own 2000s list, its easy to put this Top 25, maybe even Top 15. Cee-Lo Green has this unusual, cool as grits voice, and Danger Mouse is just cool for having the nickname Danger Mouse.
13... "American Idiot" by Green Day (2004)
I knew this song would come up, and I was dreading it, mostly because I hate it when I throw up in my mouth. And I just did.
These are the same guys that had an album called "Dookie", and sang about going to a shrink and being told that lack of sex will bring you down. Yes, people can, and do, change. I get that. But really, BJ Armstrong, can you just sing your fun songs and quit telling me that liberals are awesome and conservatives suck?
Sorry... just threw up in my mouth again.
12... "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas (2009)
The first time I ever heard this song, all I could think of, "This is going to be a party anthem and/or a sports anthem and/or a celebration anthem for ages to come." When B-list celebrities in 1981 were sitting around and discussing the best songs of the decade just completed, I'm sure that someone was saying about "Rock and Roll Part 1" by Gary Glitter the same things they are saying about "I Gotta Feeling"... "Party song..." and "This song is the ultimate going-out song" and "I gotta feeling..." and such.
Personally, I'm a little flabbergasted that "My Humps" hasn't shown up yet... however, we have 11 more to go...
11... "Umbrella" by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z
My main issue with Rihanna? How her name is spelled. When I hear her name, I automatically think Fleetwood Mac's classic "Rhiannon", which was an outside consideration for my kid's name (thought I never shared it with The Lovely Steph Leann. Probably a good thing.)
She's very talented, though through no fault of her own, its a little disconcerting that all of her songs keep breaking all sorts of sales and chart records, and I'm bothered by this. Why should Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" fall to whatever getting-it-on tune Rihanna is blathering out?
That said, this is an addicting song. You know, Umbrella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey...
If this doesn't get stuck in your head, I have this to say:
All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies!
Your welcome.
AND NOW, Vh1's TOP TEN OF the 2000s...
10... "In Da Club" by 50 Cent (2003)
Really? Like, really?
9... "We Belong Together" by Post-Skank Mariah Carey (2005)
I have often referenced my inclination to Pre-Skank Mariah and how awesome she was over Post-Skank Mariah, so I won't go into it.. but I will say that everything after 1997's "Butterfly" album is pure skank. Notably, the song "Honey" is where it all took a turn for the ho.
This song brought her back around again for me. While not my favorite Mariah (that's a tie between "Vision of Love", "Dreamlover" and "Always Be My Baby"... or maybe "Fantasy"), its vintage. Its a throwback, yet just hip enough to be in the 2000s. Ah, pre-skank Mariah, may we see you again soon.
8... "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys (2009)
This is a quite a love letter to a city... a New York City Anthem, and I'm not sure why the city itself hasn't adopted it as its City Anthem.
And Alicia Keys is awesome, as always. I can listen to this song over and over and over, and have. Great, great song.
7... "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake (2006)
Oh no he di'nt! Oh no he di'nt! This song is my jam, y'all, MY Jam!
Okay, not really... but I can see a few of these songs listed on this countdown not necessarily for their artistic merit, but more for their importance, and this song was a monster. Timberlake had broken free from *NSync, and was on his way to superstardom, had some huge hits, and then a few years later, released "Future.Love.Sex.Sounds", and this was the lead-off single. And a catch phrase was born.
Its not even so much that "Sexyback" is cool, it is more that Justin Timberlake singing this is cool. And how many people do you know have used the term "I'm bringing sexy back..."
6... "Gold Digger" by Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx (2005)
Dude. This song. Like, this song. Can't help it. For all the punk that Kanye is and can be, this song is fantastic.
Here's the scene... 2005 Video Music Awards.. I was watching (don't ask me why) and out of the floor of the stage rises one Kanye West and one Jamie Foxx, looking all cool and sleek, posed and frozen. Suddenly, Jamie starts into a "She takes my money... when I'm in need..." then the beat kicks in, and I watch one of the coolest live performances I've ever, ever seen. And its this song.
I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... she ain't messin' with no broke (broke)
Do me a favor... holla "We want pre-nupt!" (we want pre-nupt!)
I love love love this song
5... "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson (2004)
Everyone likes this song. Some people love it, some only like it a little, but to some degree, everyone likes this song. How can you not? Its infectious like the basement of the CDC...
The Lovely Steph Leann has joined the room for the Top Ten, and she's over on the couch bobbing her head, watching with total interest. And when this song comes on the radio, I sing along. And so do you. Kelly might never have been better before or since... though I do enjoy "Behind These Hazel Eyes". Love me some Kelly Clarkson.
4... "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (2002)
We've now hit the first song on this entire countdown that I could make an argument for being the #1 song of the decade. This song... amazing. And he even won a stinkin' Oscar for it.
Now, my favorite Eminem song is quite simply "Without Me", a totally hilarious, yet quite incredible rhyme... but "Lose Yourself" might be his actual best work. I saw "8 Mile" not too long ago, and its not that bad.
And when Em sings, you believe it. He's blowing the mic away, he's jamming, he's just rapping and singing with so much ferocity, and you really get into it. And if you knew the words, you'd sing along, though you probably don't know the words.
3... "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga (2008)
Sigh.
I have come to accept that Gaga is here to stay. Perhaps in 1982, fuddy duddies like me were saying the same thing about that new Madonna chick that just came up on the scene... and now, here's Lady Gaga.
Okay, she's got a great voice. And "Bad Romance"? I'm a sucker for it. And yes, this song is pretty good. It's catchy. But #3? Really?
2... "Hey Ya!" by Outkast (2003)
Now... if I had to list a "Greatest Songs of the 2000s" and "My Favorite Songs of the 2000s", this song would be #1 on the former list, #2 on the latter list. "Hey Ya!" is one of the best songs ever performed, crossing all genres of awesome. Even The Lovely Steph Leann likes it, and she don't go for the blasted rappin' crappin music! She says, "Its not rap, its pop. I like pop."
The video? Best of the 2000s, in my Top Five All Time. There are EIGHT different Andre 3000s on the stage, and he even manages to slip in a few scandalous lines towards the end (don't read the lyrics if you don't want to know, though its nothing too terrible) but the song is so fun, you don't even notice.
It shows a Beatle-type frenzied performance by the band Andre 3000 and The Love Below, consisting of eight members: Possum Jenkins on bass... Johnny Vulture on guitar (yes ladies, he's still single)... Benjamin Andre (on keyboard)... Dookie on drums... Andre (ice cold) 3000 on lead vocals... and, of course, The Love Haters on backup vocals. And all are played by Andre 3000 himself.
And yes, the song asks you to shake it (you can determine what "it" is) like a Polaroid Picture, and Polaroid had to come out with a statement that said, "Hey ya, you used to coulda shaken our pics, but don't do it anymore, you don't have to."
I love this song, man. I really do.
And finally...
1... "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (2003)
This song? Beyonce singing along with her babydaddy?
Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh
No no no
I'm conflicted... while I don't think it should have been the top song of the entire decade, I can't make much of an argument against it--heck, I sing this song sometimes at work.
As Vh1 shows clips from the video, I can only surmise one observation... well, two. First, she jiggles alot. And honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready for that jelly. Secondly, there must have been a heckuva lot of double-sided tape used in those particular outfits.
Great song. Great choice.
And there you go. The Top 100 Songs of the 2000s... agree, disagree, its not my list, its Vh1. What's my list? That's a great question... perhaps soon...
The summer movie season continues eating away at our budget intently, as two movies came up on the docket this weekend... the first came as a result of our nephew Benjamin coming to visit. The 9 year old and his family live in Jasper, but they spend time here in B'ham with the in-laws (mine, not theirs) frequently.
One of the activities including him playing hours and hours of LEGO Harry Potter on the Wii, and another was a movie... "Kung Fu Panda 2". Originally subtitled "The Kaboom of Doom", I'm kinda glad they dropped that and just went with the "2" part.
Anyway, I liked the movie as much as the first one. Its premise basically surrounds a panda named Po (voiced by Jack Black) who, in the first film, learned he was a "dragon warrior" and was taught Kung Fu, and joined up with other members of the Furious Five, including Tigress (Angelina Jolie) and Mantis (Seth Rogan) and others. For whatever reason, Grandmaster Flash wasn't included in this.
The bad guy this time around is an evil peacock named Shen, deliciously vocalized by Gary Oldman, and you'll hear other familiar voices like Jean Claude Van Damme, Dennis Haysbert and Danny McBride.
The animation is wonderful, the story is solid and flows well and its perfect for just about anyone of any age. You kinda wonder if there is an attraction between Po and Tigress, but the real relationship moments are between Po and his adoptive father, Mr. Ping. You can tell its adoption when you see Mr. Ping is a goose.
Po wonders who he is, knowing that a goose cannot be his real dad, and begins to question his family... and in a touching moment, Mr. Ping is forced to watch his beloved son Po walk away to battle.
As far as Po's real family, they kinda do that movie thing where one of the main issues in the second movie is an issue they don't even address in the first one... sorta like, when you realize Riggs wife is dead in the first Lethel Weapon, its only a minor plotpoint they use to establish the character, but when Lethel Weapon 2 rolls around, it becomes a major point in the story.
Same with Po's real family--only used to establish Po's character in KFP 1, but in KFP 2, it becomes a plot point. Guess you can do that with sequels...
And man that 9 year old kid loves him some Panda. And Bakugon. And Bey Blades. After the movie, then dinner at Chick Fila, we dropped the quickly tiring The Lovely Steph Leann off at The Cabana, then Benjamin and I spent some time first at The LEGO Store, then Toys R Us.
I do love The LEGO Store. Of course, every time I go there, I look over at ABC Toys, where The Happiest Place in the Mall used to be, and I throw up a little in my own mouth. Like I did last night. Ended up walking out with three LEGO guys he built himself, and a couple of Harry Potter keychains I bought for myself.
At Toys R Us, he spent about 30 minutes in front of the Bakugon and Bey Blade aisle, touching just about every toy and telling me which ones he had and which ones he needed. I listened intently, though I can't say I learned anything.
Should be noted that for whatever reason, he likes rap music. I dont think he fully understands the concept of "rap music", other than its style, so I was forced to fumble through my car for something that he could listen to. Luckily, I had a copy of "The Greatest" by LL Cool J, and was able to pop in "Mama Said Knock You Out", which he rather enjoyed. My other other CDs in the car at that moment included Norah Jones, Sara Bareilles, Sarah McLachlan, Darius Rucker and, of course, Dwight Yoakam's Greatest Hits--$5.99 at Wal-Mart, I considered it a steal.
Songs that I did manage to find on radio that made the cut were the edited version of "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre... "Rocket 2 U" by The Jets... "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears... "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel... and "The Come Back Song" by Darius Rucker. "You Give Good Love" by Pre-crack Whitney also came on, but he informed me, "I don't like slow songs. I like rocker songs. And rap music."
We got about 34 seconds into "Dre Day", but I was able to flip the channel just as I heard the syllable "Muth..." and saved the day. Sometimes SiriusXM will censor, sometimes not. And since I listen to 90s on 9 a heckuva lot, I was bewildered that because I hear "Hip Hop Hooray", "Gangsta's Paradise" and "Baby Got Back" repeatedly, I just knew I would catch one of them for Benjamin's listening pleasure... but when I needed them to come on, I got nothing. Thats how I knew my life was outta luck, foo.
He did ask me if I had ever heard an Eminem song... I told him I had. He asked me if I liked any Eminem songs. I told him not many, though there were a few that I kinda liked. He asked me if Eminem was bad. I told him that yes, Eminem songs are pretty bad. He asked me how. I told him there was a lot of language, and that Eminem really liked to use lots of F-words. He asked me, "What's an F-word?" I changed the subject.
I finally popped in a CD that I had gotten from The Happiest Place in the Mall, one that included Hilary Duff, Aly & AJ and some High School Musical stuff. Figured that was safe as anything.
The line of night came when "Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus came on... sadly, and I'll admit this to you--I know just about every word to it (and to "G.N.O." that came on later... which I'm guessing that besides me, only Hurricane Rhett would even know that stood for "Girls Night Out", much less know it by heart)... anyway, the song came on and Benjamin said, "Really? Is this Hannah Montana?"
I replied, "Its Miley Cyrus, yes."
Pause.
"So... why are two guys listening to Hannah Montana?"
First of all, thank you to everyone who has been visiting here either daily or at least every few days... I know for those of you who could care less about Idol--and let's face it, there hasn't been a lot to care about this season--its rather boring when all you see is idle Idol chatter when you come here looking for Happy Times stories, maybe a movie review, or even a mention or two of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected's last week or so... so, thank you.
Secondly... why aren't you a fan on Facebook, eh? If you are reading this on Facebook, you need to go to Clouds to see any video that might be on the site, then search "Clouds in My Coffee" on Facebook and become a fan. Its the right thing, nay, the cool thing to do.
Third, we still aren't done with 2009 yet! In case you missed it (and since I haven't done one of these in a month, you might have!), here's where we've been thusfar:
The 50th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Right Round" by Flo Rida
Yes, yes, I know the song is a few years old, and yes, I'd heard it before... but I'd never really taken to it until this year. This year? It's kinda catchy. Silly, a little corny, somewhat stupid, partly annoying and all from a guy who's name is taken from a state with a space in between (I'm guessing "Ken Tucky" and "Oak LaHoma" were on the list. What about Gior Juh? Ha! I got at least 46 more of these), but its use of the term "Benja-min Frank-ah-lins" alone makes me laugh. Its a good work out song. Not that I work out, but if I did...
The 49th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Mother Lover"
Well, this is a family show. I keep it Rated PG, every now and again delving into a PG-13 territory, but for the most part, I keep it clean. So, for this spot, I won't bother linking to it, I won't put up pictures, I won't do anything but give a nod to K-Dub and then say four words:
When I found out this video was coming out, I almost peed myself. I was so friggin' excited, as I remember vividly the fabled "Monday Night Wars"--that being the battle between WWE on USA Network and World Championship Wrestling on Turner owned TBS. I was a huge, huge WCW an, having watched it since 1986 or 87 as a kid, when it was called NWA (National Wrestling Alliance", a few years before WCW).
Anyway, I've always been fascinated by the downfall of the WCW in the late 90s, not just as a wrestling fan, but just from a business prospective. You know how when someone gets straight zeroes in college (knew a guy) and you say, "Man, he had to work to fail that badly..."? Well the guys running the WCW seriously had to work to fail this miserably. This was chronicled in my pick for the 18th Coolest Thing of 2006, the book called "The Death of the WCW", and the DVD here is along the same lines.
Its a 3 Disc collection, with two discs devoted to classic WCW matches including stuff like Ric Flair vs. Magnum T.A. from 1985, the classic Flair vs Steamboat Chi-Town Rumble match from 1989, one of Sting's first matches, that being against Big Van Vader from 1992's Great American Bash, the unintentionally funny Bash at the Beach from 1998 with Diamond Dallas Page and Karl Malone against Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman, a huge War Games match in 1996 with Sting, Lex Luger, Flair, Arn Anderson, Hollywood Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and nWo fake Sting. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, and its got a match from 1998's Halloween Havoc between Diamond Dallas Page and one of my favorite wrestlers ever, Goldberg. Goldberg absolutely ruled. Page lost the match after getting hit with a spear AND a jackhammer.
How 'bout that's Michael Buffer ("leeet's get reeeeeeady to ruuuuuuumbuuuuulllll") in the ring, and Tony Schivione on announcing duties. Awesome. By the way, I wanted to do that entrance at my wedding, the one where Goldberg comes out to pyro, and the smoke, and I yell, breath out the smoke, throw the punches and slap myself in the head. The Lovely Steph Leann said no. Party pooper.
But the real gem on this disc is the documentary that follows the origins of the WCW, from the beginning with Jim Crockett Promotions to the infamous "Black Saturday". It took off when Hulk Hogan joined, turning heel (bad guy) for the first time in his career, and the fact that one of the chapters on the DVD menu is titled 'Mistakes Begin', followed by "Vince Russo" says it all. If there is to be any criticism, it would be on the matches themselves... there should have been a little more surrounding each match, perhaps teh lead up to, and the aftermath, not just from bell-ring to pinfall. And really, did we need to see a match between Lance Storm and Booker T? To emphasize how badly things were going for the WCW, they took Booker T, a great wrestler and renamed him "GI Bro". No kidding.
Great DVD.
The 47th Coolest Thing of 2009... Lunch With...
It was a good year for reunions. Lunch with Stan McDuffie in the spring of 2009 was great. We graduated together, and hadn't seen the guy since the Samson High reunion of 2002. We met at a BBQ joint in Homewood, and just shared life stories, our pain of what had then-recently happened in Samson and more. It was awesome.
Not to long after that, I met up with Drew Roe, a fraternity brother of mine who also lives here in town. That's the crazy thing about Birmingham... I share a city with so many people that I would love to see more of, but never do. Anyway, we had some lunch, caught up, laughed, did some reminiscing, and had a good time. Promised each other we'd do it again, and hopefully we will.
Met up with Barrow, one of the coolest guys I've ever met, and the perfect name for one of my characters in the book I might eventually write. Saw Tiffany Abbott at a Chick-fila. Met with both Dayla Ellison and Rebecca Jourdan Samuelson (we'll get to her later) over lunch, two dear, dear friends that I was so excited to see again.
This Spring's goal? To have lunch or dinner with Chris McCall. I'm planning on heading home for a day or two at the end of April, when The Happiest Place in the Mall is finally The Emptiest Place in the Mall, and I'm going to make it a point to find this guy.
The 46th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Princess & the Frog"
There's not much more I could add to what I felt about this movie when I wrote about it in December 2009, so here's some thoughts from that post...
Plot in a nutshell, its a Disney twist on the story of The Frog Prince, the story that has a girl kissing a frog who turns into a handsome prince. In this tale, however, Naveen, the handsome prince, has been turned into a frog by the voo-doo man, Dr. Facilier, and when he convinced our heroine Tiana to kiss him, she turns into a frog herself. Hijinx, hilarity and romance ensue as they, along with Ray the Cajun Firefly and Louis the jazz playing crocodile, try to find Mama Odie to help them turn back into humans again.
The animation is stunning. The film is beautifully drawn, and to its credit, its done so much so that there's no way this film could have been a computer animated feature--it would have lost most, if not all, of its charm. Tiana is a heroine who is working hard for her dreams to happen, not waiting around for someday, her prince will come, and that is to be admired. Much has been made about Tiana being the "first black princess", and yes, that's true, but this film definately takes liberties with history--she's best friends with a rich debutante named Charlotte, which alone is an impractical thought in the time period this film is set in. I didn't get caught up in that, though, and you shouldn't either.
One thing to be aware of when watching this film... you are witnessing the birth of a classic. This is a movie that, no matter how successful it will end up--and it will end up successful--that Campbell Isaiah and Lorelei Addison will watch, and their children will watch as well in 2040 on whatever home video format we're up to then. This is a movie that will be released in Blu-Ray and DVD in April of 2010, and will disappear into The Vault in June of 2011 or so, not to be available for 7 to 10 years.
This is the birth of a true Disney Princess, one that we'll be seeing with the likes of Cinderella, Belle, Ariel and Aurora for a long, long time. The last time we saw a true Disney Princess emerge? Mulan. The last time we saw a true Disney classic not-named-Pixar unfold before our eyes? Yep. "The Lion King". That was the last movie heralded and beloved enough to go into The Vault (well, "Fantasia 2000" also is in The Vault, coupled with "Fantasia", but that's kinda another story)... For me, and perhaps I'm the odd case, this is exciting. I'm thrilled that Disney has finally broken through the ceiling they put on themselves with "Dinosaur" and "Brother Bear".
The 45th Coolest Thing of 2009... JT Wins Survivor
Someone sent me a message last year and said, "Hey, so there's a guy from Samson on Survivor. Do you know him?" Up until then, the only notoriety Samson had recieved was the terrible massacre from... well, I'm not going to say his name, he doesn't deserve a mention. So I did some checking up on Survivor, and what do you know, James Thomas was going to be on the show... James, the little brother of Tammy Thomas, who was a friend of mine in high school and who graduated with me, the same Tammy who scolded me for not snatching up this pretty girl named Stephanie, my friend, who I had brought with me to the 10 year reunion.
And with the country accent, the sly look and the aww-shucks personality, what the heck--JT won the whole shebang. Seriously. Like, holy crap, the kid in whatever elementary school grade when I was a senior won a million bucks on Survivor. I have his picture in my yearbooks!
Anyway, it was a fantastic season of Survivor, and I'm excited that JT is on the equally as stellar current season, the Heroes vs Villians Survivor. And if he wins, or comes close to winning, I'm already planning on going to Samson for the Survivor party this year.
The 44th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Party in the USA"
Oh shut up.
The 43th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Blind Side"
Just like "The Proposal", this is a movie that the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I thought "The Blind Side" was great when I walked out of the theater, and somewhere down deep, I knew iI was going to like it more and more as time when on.
Its full of laughs and heartwarming moments, but its never preachy or manipulative. The movie's intent it never to make you feel like you have to cry, and it doesn't seem like its showing you the "Hallmark" moments just for the awwwww factor... its part of the story. In movies with this "helping each other out" theme, there's always an uncomfortable moment when the kids hate the new person, only to have this togetherness scene that brings them together--"The Blind Side" never has that. SJ and Collins are nothing but loving and supportive of Michael, and it even enhances Michael's rebuilding of his life.
The movie is excellent... its feel good, its warm, its funny, its everything a family movie should be, one that pokes at you to say "awwww" without demanding you tear up or feel sympathy and guilt. After the movie was over, I leaned over to The Lovely Steph Leann, and in my most politically incorrect tone said, "We should go to Ensley and adopt a black child." She frowned at me, then rolled her eyes and got up to leave. She's good at that.
The 42st Coolest Thing of 2009... Walt Disney World with Ty & The McLeods
Talk about a whirlwind trip... I had a few days on my own, as The Lovely Steph Leann was out of town. I thought, hey, why not go to Disney World? The Lovely Steph Leann wasn't too keen on my going all alone, so I recruited The Honorable Rev'rn Ty Sharpton and Tommy Mc and Amy McL to come with (that's us, there, after being soaked in the Backlot Tour)
We left midday, got there at something like 1am, checked in, slept for just a little while, spent the full day at Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot, then the next day, walked around Downtown Disney before coming back. Wow it was fast. And tons of fun, because Disney is always better with friends.
The 41nd Coolest Thing of 2009... New Shoes
Shoes are those things that you use, but don't realize how good they can be until you find a pair that fits you exactly right. Thus, this:
During our trip to The Most Magical Place on Earth in June, my feet were getting blistered. The Lovely Steph Leann chalked it up to my Lugz that, while comfortable, were just not made for the walking, standing, running and walking more that we were doing for 14 hours per day, four days in a row--the Skecher tennis shoes weren't doing any better. After watching her to go New Balance and spend over a $110 on a pair of shoes (which, all these years in marriage later is almost still unfathomable), I decided it was finally time to get myself a good pair of sneakers. We discussed it, and, still coming to grips about the fact that I might have to spend that much to fit my wide feet into some comfy shoes, I went to a local shop called The Trak Shak.
The guy there wasn't old... but he knew how to size a foot. I told him what I was looking for--a pair of tennis shoes that could be used for three things--running, walking and if needed, playing tennis, if I ever decided to get my chunky tail up and do something. I told him that my problem was my feet were wide, and it was hard to find a good pair of shoes that I liked. He listened, he asked me to walk around and he told me that he could tell from my walk that I tended to walk inward, probably due to lack of good footwear. Long story short (too late?) I came out with a pair of Nikes that fit... perfectly. What size? 9 1/2. I call them my Trailer Shoes. Why? Cause they are "Double wide".
Up next... A "Sweet Thing"... Going where no man, save for over a dozen movies and at least three TV shows, have gone before... and later, more Disney... and even more Disney...
