once upon a blog... in hollywood

So, I have now seen "Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood", Quentin Tarantino's 9th movie. His movies are somewhat events nowadays for many movie fans, of which I am no different. I've seen everything he's done at the theater, save for Reservoir Dogs (came out as an indie film, and I'm not even sure my podunk theaters in Enterprise, AL, even had this film) and Jackie Brown (More on this later). Everything else I've bought a ticket for, and for the last few, have treated his movies like must-see events.

The obvious question is, did I like the movie?  And the answer is... I have no clue. I really don't know. I might wake up tomorrow or sometime in October and decide this movie is brilliant, or decide this movie is just plain awful, but I don't know what I think just yet.

No matter what you think about the film, you have to give it to these
guys -- they are pretty fantastic in this.

Sometimes a movie does that to me and it's a negative... I think about it too much and I talk myself into not liking it.

Other times, like "The Proposal", it sticks with me for a few days and I end up loving it... yes, that Proposal, with Sandy B and Ryan Reynolds.  It currently sits at #151 on my Top 500 films ever.

And that's not a typo. I love that movie.

Really quick -- the movie focuses on Rick Dalton (Dicaprio), an aging Hollywood actor who was mighty popular in the 50s, but now in 1969 (when the movie is set), finds his parts dwindling and his relevance even smaller.  His best, and possibly only, friend is Cliff Booth (Pitt), who is his stunt double, driver, fixer upper and jack of all trades, though he carries his own baggage. Margot Robbie is Sharon Tate... for you older folk, yes, that Sharon Tate... who is living the Hollywood life as the star of the silver screen. Several stories intertwine until the all weave together, as you would expect from Tarantino.

Since I literally got home 40 minutes ago from the showing itself, I'll just not overthink it and do a little word vomit, giving you some random thoughts that I thought I was thinking while both watching the movie and after the film...

• Okay. It's been an hour. Should something happen by now?
• Leonardo DiCaprio is unbelievable here. Revenant, Schmevenant, this might be the best I've ever seen him on screen.  Truth be told, Michael Fassbender's performance in "Steve Jobs" should have won the Best Actor Oscar over Leo's win in 2015. but Leo should have won Best Actor for "The Departed" in 2006 (and Mark Wahlberg should have gotten Best Supporting too, but still)
• Focus, d$, focus. It's too late for tangents.
• Brad Pitt might be the most underappreciated actor working today. He is brilliant in this film and he somehow does it by doing almost the same schtick he did in "Inglorious Basterds", only he's talking 1969 Hollywood lingo, and not 1943 Killin Naht-zee lingo. You could argue that this is his film, not Leo's, and there's no doubt he is the lynchpin of this movie.
• Margot Robbie isn't real. She cannot be. No one can look that perfect and not be CGI. 
• Also of note, I found out later that Tarantino met with Sharon Tate's sister Debra and got her blessing for putting the Sharon Tate character in the movie. Robbie even wears some of Sharon's original jewelry.
• I was promised Chuck Manson in the trailers. So I have questions.
• Is it possible that a MacGuffin can come in the form of an entire plotline? 
• This movie is gorgeous visually. The outfits, the cars, the scenery, the MUSIC.  It is almost too gritty to be beautiful, but that may add to it's outstanding look
• I can totally see how a Tarantino fan would love this movie. I can also see how a Tarantino fan would hate this movie.
• Though there are a few somewhat gristly death scenes, the violence is actually kept to a minimum.  It's not nearly as gory as some QT movies, and nothing approaches the Bear Jew taking a bat to a Nazi skull in Basterds
• But there is lots and lots of language.  Less violence than many QT films, no sex, no nudity, but the F-bombs flow freely.
• There is a hilarious mid-credit scene, so stick around for that... you can leave once that's done, but the credits are stylized and nearly over when the scene ends anyway
• As the movie progressed, I can tell you that this film is definitely a slow burn for the first 90 minutes or so. Looking back, I can tell you when Dakota Fanning looks through that screen door, take your last pee break if needed because the film is about to take off. 
• There are several "one scene and done" faces you will find familiar... Scoot McNairy, Martin "Karate Kid's Krease" Kove, Maya"Scoops Ahoy Robyn" Hawke, Michael Madsen, Zoe Bell (the Aussie chick from Death Proof), and Luke Perry, in his final film appearance.

Don't be fooled by her incredible good looks -- she's got
some real talent. Her "I, Tonya" performance is
wonderful and nearly flawless.

I'm honestly leaning towards "Yes, I liked it", but nowhere near "I loved this movie so much". I was eagerly anticipating it as the opening date approached, even thinking to myself "What if it's as good as Endgame? That's my favorite film of the year, but what if this is as good?"  I just knew that this would rival the top of the QT rankings for me, as it just seemed like my kind of film.

Honestly, I have no idea where to rank it amongst the 9 movies Tarantino has made... I know my list tops at "Pulp Fiction", followed by "Reservoir Dogs" and "Inglorious Basterds"

The next section, in 4th would be "Jackie Brown", which I saw for teh first time this year, and loved.  I loved the linear storytelling, and it was a different style for QT, likely because its the only previously published work he's ever adapted from -- its an Elmore Leonard novel, and I'm a fan of Elmore movie adaptations, notably "Get Shorty".

In 5th, "Kill Bill Vol 1".  After 5, we enter the territory where "Once Upon a Time" might fall. I'd probably put "Death Proof" in 6th, "The H8teful Eight" in 7th, "Kill Bill Vol 2" in 8th, and "Django Unchained" in 9th... but you can't read into that bottom of the list thing, because all of these are great films. I'm just not sure I'd sit and watch Hateful Eight, Kill Bill Vol 2, and Django again.

If you do the math, that means there are 10 films -- "Death Proof" only sort of counts as it's half of a double feature called "Grindhouse", which QT did with Robert Rodriguez.  They each directed one film, with Rodriguez' film called "Planet Terror" and honestly, its the better of the two.

So there you go. Did you see "Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood"?  If so, did you like it, and if you are a Tarantino fan, where does it fall in the listings for you?

movies of 2013... the best part one

Finally... the best movies I was able to see in 2013. Now you'll notice this is a Part 1... because there are actually 20 movies to talk about. Tomorrow, you'll get Part 2, which are all 2013 movies, and I'll list the best of them that I saw from January 1st to December 31st, 2013...

Today, however, is the Top Ten Movies from 2012 and before that I watch in 2013. Y'all feel me flow? Dig? Cool.

10... The Good, the Bad & the Ugly (1966)... As part of our movie series, we were assigned to watch this classic spaghetti western, part of the "Dollars Trilogy" (no, that's not Campbell, Lorelei and Naomi, my three kids, two of which I don't have)... this goes along with "A Fistful of Dollars" and "For a Few Dollars More", which all star Clint Eastwood as The Man with No Name. This particular tale is all the usual Western standards... robbery, gold, betrayal, hangings, horses, ponchos... but its Eastwood, Eli Wallach and Lee Von Cleif that sets this apart... that, and the all too familiar score that you would know in a second.

9... Les Miserables (2012)... When I heard they were doing a movie version (again) of Les Miserables, I didn't think of the Liam Neeson film, I thought of two other films... Chicago, that did the musical adaptation right... and Mamma Mia!, which was a big, fat mess... so all I could do was hope for the best. For the most part, I wasn't disappointed. Hugh Jackman is a fantastic Jean Valjean, and Anna Hathaway defines Fantine (when she finished singing "I Dreamed A Dream", I looked at The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "She just won an Oscar"--and I was right). Amanda Seyfried is just fine as Cosette, though I do not love her singing voice, and I think Sacha Baron Cohen is incredibly miscast as Thenardier... though that might be because I'm loyal and beholden to the Highlights CD that I've been listening to for 20 years...

Russell Crowe? I don't think he was nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be, and I applaud his bravery for even doing the singing part... but he was not a strong point. However, I did love this version overall.

8... This is 40 (2012)... Let's see... Paul Rudd is one of my favorite two or three actors out there. I have a thing for Lesley Mann. Judd Apatow is a solid director. Put them altogether, and we have the perfect movie? No... not perfect. But good. I've seen it twice, and it got much, much better the second time I watch it.

7... West of Memphis (2012)... I'm a big fan of crime drama true story books and documentaries, and this one was unbelievable. The story goes that in the early 90s, three little boys were murdered and mutilated by a creek in the town of West Memphis, Arkansas. The police, in a hurry to find someone to pin this on, found their guys... three teenagers, led by Damien Echols, who had the audacity to listen to metal music, draw pictures that church goers didn't like, and wear lots and lots of black. On the strength of what seems like a forced confession of one of the three, all three teens were arrested, tried in a ridiculous trial and sentenced to life, with Damien getting the death penalty.

Over the years, more and more evidence that showed their innocence came out, as well as proof of shoddy and biased police work, until it was almost obvious that the teens didn't have anything to do with the crimes--and what's more, investigators all but ignored glaring evidence and signs that pointed to one or two other suspects.

All of this was chronicled in the three part documentary series of Paradise Lost Trilogy, which is an amazing viewing in itself--but this one takes all three of those, and puts them together into one 2 hour and 20 minute package. I highly recommend you see this, and make your own conclusions.

6... Room 237 (2012)... For fans of "The Shining" by Stephen King, you will have probably seen "The Shining" film, directed by Stanley Kubrick. King himself in years since says he hated Kubrick's vision of the story (in recent years, King has reiterated this point)... but Kubrick's vision is amazing. And creepy. And terrifying. And so, so odd. Hence, the documentary "Room 237", named for a hotel room in the story that holds strange, unspeakable things. The doc centers on conspiracy theories, everything from Kubrick's nod to the Holocaust by using a German typewriter, to the odd way he's laid out the hotel scenes... in one shot, the main character Jack is talking with the hotel manager in the office, where out of a window you can see trees and sky... in another shot, Danny is riding his tricycle down the hall, passing that same office, and based on his path, the office is obviously in the middle of the hotel with no window. That kind of stuff. Its almost a car-wreck type fascination that draws you to this, you sit and watch and think "These people have way too much time on their hands" and then remember you've been watching for an hour. It's awesome.

5... The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)... What a sweet, cute little movie. Based on the novel by Stephen Chbosky, who also directed, its a coming of age high school tale of a loner named Charlie, a new freshman, who really only connects with his favorite teacher, played by Paul Rudd, who is excellent in this small role. He is somehow befriended by two seniors, Sam (Emma Watson) and her stepbrother Patrick (Ezra Miller), and throughout the school year, their friendship grows, especially as Charlie develops real feelings for Sam--and this is to the chagrin of Mary Elizabeth (a growed up Mae Whitman) who is possessive of Charlie after one accidental kiss.

There is also a small subplot involving Charlie's aunt, played by one of my favorites, Melanie Lynskey, that provides a turn that I didn't see coming at all until just before its revealed, but it provides real heart and even heartbreak to the story. Its a beautiful movie, and well done, especially by Emma Watson, who is continuing to prove that she is, in fact, no longer Hermione Granger.

4... Pitch Perfect (2012)... Another one of my favorites, Anna Kendrick, leads this pack of up and coming Hollywood stars and starlets, as her Beca is trying to fit in to Barden University, all the while chasing her own dream of being a music producer. She tries out for the a capella female group The Barden Bellas, once the darlings of the university, now on the bottom rung due to one of its lead singers vomiting on stage at the previous year's competition.

This film is fun, its light, never preachy, and really, surprisingly, not gay. As in, it doesn't take a gay guy and hit you over the head like some films do, preaching tolerance. Instead, the cast is brilliant, with Rebel Wilson as the hilariously named "Fat Amy", the unknown Hana Mae Lee as a very quietly talking Lilly who can beatbox, and Brittany Snow, as the co-leader of the Bellas. And a cameo by the likes of Donald Faison and Tom Lennon as part of a "we were cool then, trying to be cool now" group that graduated college years ago, but is still hanging around.

3... 12 Angry Men (1957)... Keep in mind, this list is titled "Best" but its my favorites of the year. If I were truly declaring "Best films Ever", this would probably be in the Top Ten, as this film is nearly perfect, flawless. Henry Fonda plays Juror #8 who is the only one who says "not guilty" in a trial of what looks like a slam-dunk case. A teenager from a slum is accused of stabbing his father, and Juror 8 just simply wants to talk about it. The other 11 jurors range from a guy with baseball tickets burning a hole in his pocket (Juror 7) to a rational stockbroker only interested in facts (Juror 4) to an extreme racist (Juror 10) who is ready to fry the defendant because of his color.

Every character is important, and some you love and some you despise, Juror 10 being one of them, and some you just want to smack, like Juror 3, who refuses to believe this kid might be innocent.

This.Is.Such.A.Good.Movie. It goes beyond "yeah, great movie" to "this is a good, good film". See it.

2... Django Unchained (2012)... Set in the pre-Civil War era, this Tarantino film follows a slave named Django (pronounced "jango", as the "D" is silent) who is purchased by a bounty hunter named Dr. Schultz (Christoph Waltz, who won an Oscar for this role) In exchange for the assistance in finding a couple of fugitives that Django knows of, Schultz agrees to help Django rescue his wife, Broomhilda, who was taken away and sold to another owner.

Its a sweeping, epic-type film that takes you from one scenario to the other as Schultz and Django first work together, and then develop a friendship, as they end up at a ruthless slavemaster's plantation--played to the hilt by Leonardo DiCaprio--who enjoys the sport of "mandingo fighting", that is, pitting one slave against another to the death.

While Leo is deplorable, likewise is his servant, Stephen, also played deliciously by Samuel L. Jackson. You learn to hate them both, and quickly.

This movie is not for the faint of heart, like most of all of Quentin Tarantino's movies are, but as a movie fan, I ate this movie up. Its a hard R, with soooo much violence, almost to the point of comical, and lots and lots of language, including a pervasive use of the N-Word. This isn't one I'll watch over and over, for the reasons I just named, but its still a winner to me.

And my favorite film that I watched in 2013 that wasn't actually a 2013 release?

1... Silver Linings Playbook (2012)... There are certain movies going into them that you know you will like... "American Hustle" was one. "Up in the Air" was another. "Frozen" is a third example. And this one, "Silver Linings Playbook". I am so in love with this movie that it might actually be the best film I saw overall last year, no matter the release date.

Pat (Bradley Cooper) has just been released from psychiatric care following treatment for bipolar disorder. He's now living with his mother and his gambling addicted father (Jacki Weaver and Robert DeNiro, respectively, both in amazing roles) and is trying hard to get his life on track and reconcile with his wife Nikki--who has a restraining order against him due to the violent episode that got him committed to begin with (its explained throughout the film).

Sometime later, while having dinner with his friend Ronnie and Ronnie's family, he meets Ronnie's sister in law Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence, in an Oscar winning performance), a widow who just lost her job.

The connection is there due to shared issues, neurosis and just an odd pair of lives. She convinces him to dance with her at an upcoming dance competition, while she agrees to help Pat get back together with his ex-wife, Nikki.

The movie is just wonderful, in all aspects, and one that I could--and have--watch over and over... I love the characters in this film, I love the appearance of Chris Tucker as Pat's hospital friend, and everything just flows.

So that's that Top Ten... how about the actual movies that I saw in 2013 that came out in 2013?


(20,118 words written in January... #20KWordsInJanuary accomplished)

the 2013 oscar blog

(scroll down for updates)

7:25... Here we are... the first blog of February, and its the Academy Awards... I love the Oscars, because I love movies, so once again, I'm excited to be watching it...

...And unlike the Golden Globes, its not a monsoon outside, which means the chances of satellite going out are slim to none. 

Me: The Lovely Steph Leann, what are you wearing?
The Lovely Steph Leann (blank stare)

Five minutes to GO!!!

728... I kinda feel like "Splash", aka "Celebrity Diving", is on the air because there was a bit too much vodka in the planning meeting...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (is it Joseph-Gordon Levitt?) (l) and Harry Potter (r)
join Seth MacFarlane for a soft shoe dance as part of his opening monologue

730... And we begin.  Seth MacFarlane begins with a shout out to Tommy Lee Jones' grumbling... who ends up chuckling.

731p... Seth tells us that this years theme is celebrating music in film. Something tells me Annie 2 won't be mentioned.

732p... The obligatory "Win an Oscar, disappear from the industry" joke...

734p... Seth is trying, and mostly succeeding... you can tell he's testing his waters, getting a "oooh" from a Chris Brown & Rihanna joke.

735p... SHATNER!!!  SHATNER!!! SHATNER!!!

738p... What the... what is happening?  Boobs? 

739p... I'll admit it... "We Saw Your Boobs".. funny.  Really funny. 

739p... I just typed "We Saw your Boobs" for the first time in the history of this blog.  Ever.

741p... Another first.  "A Denzel Movie with Sock Puppets" (left)

742p... This is the best Oscar show in years. 

744p... Seth looks like a walking Easter Seal symbol... or a gay pope. 

745p... A real "Smokey and the Bandit" reference... in the Oscar monologue.  The first time Oscars and Smokey & the Bandit have ever been used together.

747p... Let's get to some awards!! 

748p... Octavia Spencer won last year for "The Help" for Best Supporting Actress... and she is out to give Best Supporting Actor to either Alan Arkin (Argo)... Bobby DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook)... Phil Hoffman (The Master)... Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) and Chris Waltz (Django Unchained)...

My pick?  Tommy Lee Jones. 

Last year I did horribly at the Oscar picks...  this time?  Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained.... wow.  Wow.  He has now TWO Oscars for Tarantino Films.

This is good, though... Tommy Lee Jones didn't win, so he got the smiling out of the way.  No more grins for the rest of the evening.

752p... So... as he walks off, they play the theme from ET:  The Extra Terrestrial.  What the what??

Commercial Break

755p... Paul Rudd!  I love Paul Rudd!!  Even though he was in "My Idiot Brother", which is terrible.  Melissa McCarthy looks like a beluga whale in her grey dress, and her too-much-blush-cheeks.

756p... Paul Rudd looks like he stepped out of a 1977 Scorsese film

757p... Paul and Melissa pick up the Best Animated Short for "Paperman", a delightful little movie... I go 1-1 so far.

759p... The popular choice is "Brave" for Best Animated Film because its Pixar... but I went with Wreck-It-Ralph.  "Brave" wins.

Here's my original review of "Brave"

8p... Reese Witherspoon. 

Wow. 

Wow.

That is all.

801p... Because there are 114 films nominated for Best Picture, they are doing away with the "Famous Actor Introducing One Nominted Film" thing, having Reese present "Les Miserables", "The Life of Pi" and "Beasts of the Southern Wild".

804p... Quavenzene Wallace, nominated for Beasts of the Southern Wild, looks up as Seth MacFarlane gives her a shout out.

Quavenzene:  Why is that white man saying my name?

805p... Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury come out to banter and do Cinematography...

806p... SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S JACKET--FOR THE WIN

807p... I chose Life of Pi... and it wins.  Life of Pi will rack up several of these lesser awards tonight, I predict.

809p... I think Lucius Malfoy is giving an Oscar speech

810p... Visual Effects... I again chose Life of Pi... I love being right.

811p... So the "Get Done With Your Speech Music" is... Jaws?!  That's HILL-AIR-EEOUS

Commercial Break

816p... Seth introduces Channin Tatum and Jennifer Aniston, two people so beautiful that somehow, I almost think their kids would be butt-ugly.

817p... And the award for Costume Design goes to Anna Kareninninanninana... when do you stop the last name...?

819p... "Hairstyling" added to the "Makeup" category... and there is only three films nominated... I guess they would either have to add "Hairstyling", or "Les Miserables" would run unopposed...

820p... I wonder how much of Les Mis' win was for the butchering of Anne Hathaway's hair...

821p... Halle Berry out now.  Does it make me a bad person, or gay, if she doesn't appeal to me? 

822p... My buddy Mikey Nipp is peeing himself right about now... Bond Tribute time. 

We are treated to an extended Bond Tribute, full of clips and snips from all 23 James Bond movies.  I'm just not a huge fan.  I mean, I liked a few here and there, but none are considered "favorites" of any kind. 

826p... I think I'm too young to appreciate Shirley Bassey... and probably 1/3 of the crowd is clapping because they don't want to be on camera not clapping. 

Commercial Break

830p... I know Connery is retired, and maybe Daniel Craig is too busy... but Dalton, Lazenby, Moore and probably Brosnan were free, I'm sure.  They couldn't have been recruited for that video montage? 

831p... Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx, stars of Django Unchained, come out, looking almost as beautiful, though not quite, as Channing and Jen earlier.

832p... K-Wash and J-Foxx are here to give us the Best Live Action Short Film winner... I chose Buzkashi Boys, a shot in the dark.  I feel like Oscar ballots should give you a five or six word description about these short films... "Curfew" wins.  Whatever that is.

835p... Winners are now talking fast, in fear of the "Jaws" music..

835p... Best Documentary Short.  The Oscar goes to Inocente... I picked Redemption.  Again, who knows?! 

837p... Seth MacFarlane is back up now, introducing Liam Neeson, the original Darkman. 

837p... Liam has a very special set of skills

838p... "Argo"... "Lincoln"... "Zero Dark Thirty"... the films that Liam is introducing.

FYI.... Here's my review of "Argo"

841p... Seth tells us the other actors who played Lincoln... and said "the actor who really got into Lincoln's head is John Wilkes Booth... too soon?"

842p... Ben Affleck comes out to present the Documentary Feature...

843p... Not gonna lie... I liked Reindeer Games.  Its a big more watchable than Good Will Hunting.

844p... Searching for Sugarman takes the Oscar.

Commercial Break

849p... Jennifer Garner... gorgeous or hideous?  I just cannot tell.  I don't know the answer.  I struggle with it.

849p... Jessica Chastain?  Elegant.  Not gorgeous, but elegant. 

850p... Best Foreign Film.  Not sure how "Amour" can be nominated for Best Picture and NOT win this award.  Aaaaand... I'm right.

852p... Christoph + this guy for Amour = 2 Austrian Oscar Wins! 

852p... Seth tells us about the Oscar Orchestra... who are performing down the street for the show! 

852p... John Travolta comes out... I mean, onstage, not out-out...

853p... Travolta has a harder time saying "Miserables" than I do.  I didn't add the "s" on the end, he added four more syllables. 

855p... Catherine Zeta-Jones, singing a song from "Chicago"... and not sounding nearly as good as she did in "Chicago" 10 years ago...

857p... Zeta-Jones... a member of the "Angelina Jolie Chicks That I'm Supposed to Find Hot But Don't" Club...

858p... Jennifer Hudson is singing "And I Am Telling You That I Am Not Going", from DreamGirls... notably, the song that probably won her the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.  American Idol, anyone?

9p... Holy schmoly crap.  Jennifer Hudson just smacked that song around and said "I'm your mama, now shut up".  That was freakin' awesome.

9p... The Lovely Steph Leann just perked up as Colin Firth Member Hugh Jackman came on stage, singing. 

The Colin Firth Club:  Those that The Lovely Steph Leann would consider leaving me for... see:  Downey Jr, Robert... Whitford, Bradley... Firth, Colin... Bon Jovi, Jon

903p... The cast of Les Mis comes out to sing "One Day More'... including Russell Crowe. 

I imagine this conversation a month ago:

Agent:  Russ, you have to sing again
Russell Crowe:  What?  What do you mean? 
Agent:  In your contract
Russell:  People made fun of me singing!!
Agent:  Its in your contract, Russ
Russell:  #*&&#  (throws phone)

908p... Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, from Star Trek, and according to Seth, "Future Priceline.com spokespeople" are out... discussing the Tech Awards.

910p... Mark Wahlberg... and Ted, from the movie "Ted"... I haven't seen it.. sheepishly, I want to.

911p... Sound Mixing... I chose The Life of Pi.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Wrong.  Les Mis.  Its the live singing." 

912p... And its Les Mis.  "I told you!  Live singing!  Live singing, baby!"

914p... Two presenters... one is funny and animated and fake... the other is Ted, the teddy bear.  Oh!

915p... Sound Editing... I picked Zero Dark Thirty.  THERE IS A TIE?!?!

916p... Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty pick up the Oscars... a Tie!?!

915p... Like, two Oscars?  A Tie?  Couldn't they do a run-off?  Or a vote tonight, with the audience, with just these two films in the running?

917p... Last tie?  Streisand and Hepburn in 1969 for Best Actress, for (I think) Funny Girl and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, respectively...

(screaming kid... not at The Oscars, but at my house...)

922p... Seth is making some Sound of Music references... but we have a screaming kid.  Kinda killing the joke for me.  Darn you, Campbell Isaiah.

922p... Christopher Plummer comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... he won Best Supporting Actor last year for the family comedy "I'm Old and Gay", or something like that. 

925p... So, they gave out the award for Supporting Actress just now.. but we are 3 minutes behind.  Campbell is just going bonkers. 

925p... Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, is nominated... I love her.  I really do.  She'll win hers one day, a la Kate Winslet.

925p... And the award goes to... Anne Hathaway.  The award should actually go to whoever said "Hey, let's just keep the camera on her for one, long single shot..."

I dreamed a dream that theeeeey... would stop talking about... my haaair...

927p... PRINCESS MIA GOT AN OSCAR!!! SHUT!!! UP!!!

930p... Didn't notice it til just now... must be... well, cold in there. 

The summation of the last few minutes... Campbell Isaiah woke up, screaming... I had to run and get the cookies we were cooking out of the oven... then toss in his dinner... making peas... sweet potatoes... plums... and a bottle of prune juice/water... some older dude is speaking about student films... and... we're about 10 minutes behind.  Sigh.

I love my kid.  But we are only having one.  That's all I can deal with.  Sigh.

944p... Sandra Bullock is onstage... Best Film Editing is the award she's giving out... William Goldenberg for "Argo"...

946p... 13 awards given, I've gotten 7 right.  This night is a disaster.

947p... Jennifer Lawerence is exquisite.  Not sure I have any other words for it...

948p... Adele is singing "Skyfall"... its nominated for Best Original Song... I chose "Pi's Lullaby" as the winner of that category, and this is what I regret the most--I should have gone "Skyfall". 

949p... Adele is 24 years old.  I cannot tell you what a bumbling no-direction hunk o'junk I was at 24.  Or 34.  Or now, actually.

Commercial Break

950p... Nicole Kidman comes out to present the final three Best Picture Nominees... "Silver Linings Playbook"... "Django Unchained"... and "Amour"

953p... Harry Potter and Bella from Twilight are onstage together.   Kristen Stewart looks miserable, all the time.  All.  The.  Time.

955p... Daniel Radcliffe, they are called tweezers.

956p... Seth calls out Salma Hayek... I think her neck has been lengthened by 8 inches due to that dress.  Like, her dress is a volcano, and her face erupted.

959p... I think Salma was honoring those who won special awards.  Then again, she could have been telling me a great recipe for Guadalajara bacon crispers, and I wouldn't know it.

Commercial Break

1001p... And here comes George Clooney. 

1001p... The In Memorium segment... and Campbell quiets down.  He knows how to respect Michael Clark Duncan and Ernest Borgnine.  Re-cah-nize.

1003p... Adam Yauch from The Beastie Boys gets a nod.  As does one half of the Sherman Brothers. 

1004p... Barbra Streisand.  Blech.

1006p... She is honoring the late composer Marvin Hamlisch.  If I were Marvin, I'd be rolling in my grave.  Any a'yall play Barbra at my funeral, and I'm coming back to knock some teeth out.

1007p... This exchange:
Me:  Since we are still a few minutes behind, we can definitely fast forward this
The Lovely Steph Leann (dirty look)

1009p... Seth MacFarlane comes back out, Campbell cries.  Maybe he just doesn't like Family Guy like I hoped he would.

1010p... The cast of "Chicago" comes out--Gere, Latifah, Zeta-Jones and Jewel!

1010p... Renee Zellweger looks like she's perpetually trying to hide pain. 

1011p... And the winner for Best Score is... The Life of Pi...

1012p... I was secretly hoping John Williams would win for "Lincoln" so the Jaws theme could play him off stage.

1013p... Queen Latifah tells us the Best Song category is up now...

1014p... Why didn't someone tell me "Chasing Ice" was about our melting glaciers and how American Republicans are destroying the Earth?   And whats more, why isn't that winning everything?

1017p... So now, the award goes to "Skyfall" from "Skyfall", sung by Adele.  The first Academy Award to go to a Bond film. 

1019p... "Gotta fank the acahdummy..."

Commercial Break (and finally back on live TV!)

1022p... Charlize Theron comes out with Dustin Hoffman...

1022p... This probably happened:

Charlize:  So, cut my hair like Anne's in that Les Mis movie
Stylist:  Before the cut or after?
Charlize:  After

1023p... And its time for the Final Six--Picture, Director, Acting and Writing...

1024p... For Adapted Screenplay... the winner is Argo.  I'm a little shocked that Beasts didnt get it. 

1026p... For Original Screenplay... the winner is Django Unchained.  That's fantastic.  No, seriously... that's awesome. 

1028p... The Oscars are only 2 minutes from ending!  Or supposedly ending.  Looks like it might not end on time.  But it will probably end before next year's start.

Commercial Break

1032p... Seth introduces Hollywood Legends, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas--who starred together in The China Syndrome... not a bad movie. 

1033p... Best Director Award.  And its...

1034p... ANG LEE for Life of Pi.  What the what?

1034p... They should give him 3.14 minutes to accept the award.

1035p... Campbell is crying again.  He must have known Ang was the same dude who not only directed "Brokeback Mountain", but also "Hulk".

Commercial Break

1040p... Jean Deajunana (sp?) from The Artist is out to give the Best Actress Award... camera cuts to Kristen Stewart, who looks unhappy and unimpressed--meaning, her usual self.

1042p... Great goodness... please don't let Quivenzhannena win this.  Not because I dislike her, but because Beasts of the Southern Wild is NOT A GOOD MOVIE

Whoops

1043p... Jennifer Lawrence wins for "Silver Linings Playbook"!!!  And she trips on the way up...

1044p... Hugh Jackman rushes to help her.  The Lovely Steph Leann:  He's so gallant.  Happy sigh.

1045p... So Katniss can shoot a precise arrow, but can't climb a staircase? 

1045p... Seth just says "Our next presenter needs no introduction", and drops mic and walks off.  That was a great move

1046p... Everyone all together:

Daniel

Day

Lewis

For Lincoln

That was easy.

1046p... During the nomination readings, The Lovely Steph Leann sighed, "Oh... Hugh Jackman was so awesome... so... so awesome..."

1048p... Out of all the "Flight" clips, they show the one from the end?  That's like showing a Bruce Willis clip from "The Sixth Sense" when he realizes he's dead... geez.

1049p... Watch closely.  Meryl Streep doesn't even open the envelope. No joke.

1050p... "Before Lincoln, I was committed to playing Margaret Thatcher... and Meryl was scheduled to play Lincoln..."  The delivery is fantastic.

1051p... Daniel Day-Lewis has reached Spielberg & Streep status... that is, "Don't dare play them offstage..."

1052p... Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to present Best Picture. 

1053p... And Jack sends it up to... Michelle Obama at the White House?  What is the point of...?  What?

1054p... So, Michelle just talks about movies, and then asks Jack to do the nominees?  Seriously?  That was pointless.

1055p... If Les Mis wins this, The Lovely Steph Leann's head might explode with Hugh Jackman glee

1055p... And Michelle Obama opens the envelope, and its.. Argo!

1058p... So three producers--Affleck, Clooney and Some Guy... and since Ben didn't get a directing nomination (for which Ang Lee is thankful), you'd think Some Guy would let him talk... and finally, Some Guy lets Ben talk.

1059p... Argo is a great, great film. 

11p... If directly following Gigli, you knew an Affleck film would win Best Picture, raise your hand... (crickets chirping)

1104p... Kristen Chenoweth and Seth MacFarlane sing us off into the night, nodding to the losers of the evening... and thats our 2013 Academy Awards... thanks for reading!

1105p:  Argo to bed now...

Seth is being brutalized by the press for a terrible Oscar hosting job.. first, I think he did pretty good.  Secondly, I know
even know who would do a good job... even Billy Crystal's return was met with bad reviews.  And, I do love Kristen
Chenoweth, all 4ft 9 inches of her.

the 2013 golden globes running diary

If I suddenly disappear for a few, its because (a) my internet went out due to rain... (b) my internet went out because my internet blows... (c) the satellite went out... (d) both a and b... (e) both A and C... (f) both A, B, C, D and E... just a warning...

7p...And here we are... Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are onstage, kicking things off... shots at Ricky Gervais and those movies "that have only been in theater for 2 days"...

705p... Amy nods to Kathryn Bigelow, director of "Zero Dark Thirty", saying "I would take advice about torture from a woman who was married to James Cameron..." drawing a huge laugh and a huge "whoa!' from the crowd.

706p... The Satellite just went out.  Again.

710p... Still out.  Who won? 

710p... Thanks to Twitter, I learned the Christoph Waltz won best Supporting Actor in a Movie for "Django Unchained."

712p... Satellite still out.

719p... And the show comes back on, with Eva Longoria and Don Cheadle onscreen, giving out some award for Mini-Series or Movie... and the winner is "GameChange".  A brilliant, film, by the way... and this is someone who is a staunch conservative.

719p... Apparently, Professor McGonagall won for "Downton Abbey" a few minutes ago.  I think.  Stupid rain.

720p... And its off... and its on... and the satellite is off... and its on... and its off... and its...

720p... Off.

720p... At least we got to see a speech by the husband of the lead singer of the Bangles. 

730p... Still off.  Seriously.  One of my favorite nights, where I get to blog and make fun, and nothing. 

And... turns out I've been hit with some sort of malware called Scour.  And my Norton didn't find it. 

732p... Here we go again!

What did we miss?  A Les Mis montage. 

Now we have the always awesome Paul Rudd and the sometimes cool Salma Hayek for Best Actor in a TV Series.  "Homeland" won a ton of these acting awards at the Emmys, and so, Damien Lewis picks it up for the same show.

734p... And so begins a Homeland lovefest.  Perhaps I should see this show at some point.

Teleprompter screw up?  No problem.  Paul Rudd is here.

735p... Paul Rudd and Salma have an awkward moment before giving the Best TV Drama to Homeland.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Seriously?  Homeland?  The Newsroom is so much better.  (I tend to agree)  But, Claire Danes looks good after just having a kid.

737p... Apparently, the teleprompter screwed up.  Paul Rudd needs to host every teleprompter breakdown.

742p... After a quick commercial break, we get a clip from the nominated film Argo, which is a great film that you should see right now.

744p... Best Score now, with Jennifer Lopez and Jason Statham are out to give the award.   And the award goes to... Homeland!

745p... Just kidding.  Life of Pi.

745p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?!  Now the Life of Pi love begins... crap.

747p... Best Original Song!  Music from Skyfall... The Hunger Games... Act of Valor... some Pacino/Walken film... and Les Miserables... and the winner is? 

749p... Adele be Rollin in the Deep, with the Skyfall win.  Movie wasn't that great.  Neither was the song.  Let's be real, here.

750p... I think Life of Pi will win 3.14 awards tonight.

801p... Due to the fact I have some crappy malware on the computer, I had to do a re-start on the computer.  Good times.  So, we are about 8 minutes behind, which hopefully we will catch up on during commercials

802p... Campbell just smashed his foot in the baby gate.  Cause he's a genius.

803p... So, Kevin Costner just won for Hatfields & McCoys... he's actually giving a better acting performance right now than he does in most of his movies.

806p... Bill Clinton?  Really?

807p... Hollywood Libs are going nuts right now.  He'd still be president if they coulda changed that stupid Constitution... though... I wonder what would happen if Obama and Bill ran against each other?   The first black president AND Obama?  Wow... 

809p... Will Ferrill and Kristen Wiig come out together.  Can they host next year?!  That would be awesome too!

809p... Best Comedy/Musical Actress award...

810p... I've never used these words before but.. Kristin Wiig is friggin' hot.  Just sayin.

811p... Will and Kristin are cracking me the heck up...

This was Tommy Lee Jones.  He's actually laughing here.

812p... They just showed a stone faced Tommy Lee Jones... I think that was him laughing.

813p... Jennifer Lawrence won!!  Taylor Swift gave her a standing O... and J-Law says, "What does this say?!  I beat Meryl [Streep]!!" then follows it up with "Harvey [Weinstein], thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here..."

816p... Best Supporting Actor TV Series/Movie/Mini-Series...

816p... John Krasinski is with Kristen Bell to give the award to... Ed Harris for GameChange.  I dig it.  I kinda think that John Krasinski is a possible entry into The Colin Firth Club for The Lovely Steph Leann.  He's a good dude.

817p... Jamie Foxx out to discuss "Django Unchained"

818p... And now, Jonah Hill and Megan Fox... a mismatch of epic proportions.  Awkward banter.

819p... Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture... Amy Adams is nominated.  I'm in love with her, I don't care, I'll admit it.  But?  Anne Hathaway wins this easily. 

I just won a Golden Globe?  And am probably headed for Oscar
gold?  Shut!  Up! 

819p... Princess Mia won!!!  Hope she saves room for the Academy Award on the shelf.

821p... She even references Genovia!  Winning!!! 

822p... Caught up to Live TV!

823p... Amanda Seyfried with the cute, weird eyes and Edward the Gay Vampire are out for the Screenplay Award.

824p... Tarantino won!?!  "I wasn't expecting this!" he says.  Neither was anyone else in that room, QT.

Favorite Tweets of the night so far: 
@bradlatta... Anne Hathaway is the cutest boy in Hollywood
@MissMovies... Three words:  JLaw boob shelf
@pourmecoffee... Taylor Swift is so sad in losing to Adele she's going home and listening to Adele
@JamiesRabbits... I feel like Jennifer Lopez only checks her rearview mirror before going out

826p... Jeremy Irons being very Jeremy Ironsy...

827p... I prefer Will and Kristin's description of Salmon in Yemen

827p... Lucy Liu and Debra Messing is out for Best Actor in a TV Comedy Series... Don Cheadle for House of Lies.

833p... Sly and Arnold are giving out Best Foreign Film.  Is it usual to have the presenters speak a foreign language?  "Amour" from Austria wins... and I think this is where it picks up steam to steal a major award Oscar in a month. 

@JamiesRabbits:  I feel like Sylvester Stallone being in a movie called "A Bullet to the Head" is a bit redundant

836p... Nathan Fillion and Lea Michele come out for Best TV Actress Drama... Excuse me, Nathan Fillion, Lea Michele and Lea Michele's overbite.  The winner is... Claire Danes, for Homeland.

I knew that, by the way.

844p... Sacha Baron Cohen is out, holding his wine, and acting like Sacha Baron Cohen, which is a bit refreshing, because in Les Miz, he was very Un-Sacha-like.   And being fairly funny.  Best Animated Film.

846p... At least he's not hiding his drinking.  "Brave" wins, from the category of Foregone Conclusion.

848p... I wonder if Liev Schriber looks at Hugh Jackman, thinks about "Wolverine" and wonders how it all went wrong.

850p... Aziz Ansari and Jason Bateman makes a Downton Abby weed joke that everyone laughs at, except for the Downton Abby table.

851p... Lena Dunham wins the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy series.  I think that she is an actreZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

859p... We've seen far too little of Amy and Tina tonight...

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann's knees wobble again, as Robert Downey Jr comes onstage. 

901p... Jodie Foster is getting the Cecil DeMille Award for lifetime achievement?  I'm sorry... wha...???

902p... I'm confused... wasn't she just in "The Silence of the Lambs like, 3 years ago?

905p... "Nell"... "Sommersby"... "Nim's Island"... "Little Man Tate"... thank you Jodie Foster for your great body of work. 

906p... Taaaaay.... in da wiiiinnn.....

908p... I'm not positive... but Jodie Foster might've been drinking.  Just a bit.

908p... Real subtle cut to Jane Lynch

909p... I'm not even sure what Jodie Foster is talking about.  And I'm not sure if the audience knows it either.

911p... I really hope there is a written version of this speech somewhere online, so I can re-read this and start to decipher what just happened.  I feel like Jodie's therapist.

916p... Back from commercial... Halle Berry... Best Director

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is so bizarre!  Her boob is hanging out all weird!

917p... Ben Affleck just won Best Director for Argo... an award he wasn't even nominated for in the Academy Awards this year.  This is awesome!

919p... Josh Brolin is out to discuss "Moonrise Kingdom"... a movie I'm halfway through at this point.  Looking forward to finishing it after the awards.

@JamiesRabbits:  Ben Affleck.  We can now forget Gigli.  (I agree)

921p... Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon out to give Best TV Series Comedy/Musical... the award goes to Girls on HBO. 

922p... I should feel happy for a success story like Lena Dunham but... I just don't.

@BradJLatta:  Girls, on the other hand, doesn't sound like a show I'm ever going to watch

927p... Lena Dunham drops a Chad Lowe reference... and finally, he gets thanked for Hilary Swank's Oscar win!  Only took a decade.

@JamiesRabbits:  Chad Lowe SHOULD be namedropped.  All the time.  As my co-workers will learn this week.
Random online comment:  Girls.  The most awesome uncomfortable show ever.

Its 930, and they are about to race through the rest of these awards like a boss.

929p... Christian Bale comes out, not hitting anyone, but to give accolades to"Silver Linings Playbook".  Really want to see this film.

930p... From the category of "About time...", I really like "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers. 

931p... Jennifer Garner comes out to give Best Actor in Comedy/Musical... Hugh Jackman just won for Les Miserables.

933p... The Lovely Steph Leann is wobbly and weak. 

934p... And yes, I'm happy he won this.  He may not win the Oscar for it, but since Actor is divided up into Comedy/Musical and Drama, then he and Danie Day-Lewis can both win.  Tonight. Not on Oscar night.

938p... Jeremy Renner... straight from The Artist?  He's out to review Best Drama Movie

939p... Dustin Hoffman, director of Quartet, a movie that no one has ever heard of.   Not you, not me.  Don't jive.

940p... Best Comedy/Musical... and the winner is Les Miserables...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Oh listen.  They are playing the song that they left off the soundtrack.  Which is the theme of the whole movie, right?  What the heck?

@BradJLatta:  Who's that boy groping Amanda Seyfried?
@michaelanipp:  Probably Michael J. Fox's son
@davedollar:  Just keep Taylor Swift away from him!  And her!
@bradjlatta: Turns out it was just Anne Hathaway

And there's this:

@JamiesRabbits:  Is it wrong to wish fatal bodily harm to Mrs. Hugh Jackman so he can grieve and then meet me at a Chick-fil-A?
@davedollar:  My wife would beat you to that Cool Wrap luncheon, I promise.
@JamiesRabbits:  Sister Wives!!

947p... George Clooney is out to give Best Actress to Drama... Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty.  I almost feel like there are several locks for this year's Oscars... and Jess Chastain is one of them.

950p... And in the other lock, Best Actor for Drama... Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln.  Clooney just spits that out there like "yeah, we all know this..."

@Dougbenson:  Meryl couldn't be here because she has Streep Throat.  Goodnight!

955p...  You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.

955p... I feel like if I could have pulled that Last of the Mohicans line off successfully, I would have gotten more dates.  Just sayin'

@DanWolken:  Being in an award category with Daniel Day Lewis is like coaching against Saban in a championship game

958p... Julia Roberts sighting...

958p... Argo wins Best Picture at the Golden Globes.  Now, this throws the entire Best Picture race into all kinds of a tizzy.

959p... Argo fu.... wait a minute...

So... thats it.  Its 10pm, Campbell Isaiah is screaming his fool head off, we had too little Tina & Amy, we're all tired, my Google search doesn't work and so on and so forth. 

Hobos in a Grindhouse

Hobo with a Shotgun... For all the talk about the glory and niche of "grindhouse" movies, every time one comes around that is supposed to be an homage to grindhouse, it typically is a pile of crap.  Not every grindhouse style movie is a pile of crap...

...let's discuss "Grindhouse", first.  What does that mean, to the common moviegoer?  In the early part of last century, the 50s and 60s, maybe even the 30s and 40s, a "Grind House" was considered a theater that showed "exploitation films", and named for an actual theater located in New York City on 42nd Street where people would "bump and grind" while dancing.  A grindhouse theater would many times show B-movies and double features.  The term eventually evolved from meaning the theaters that showed such movies to the actual movies themselves, a'la "a grindhouse movie", and its typically a movie that contains sex, tons of ridiculous violence and usually a bizarre premise, it was always filmed on very lowgrade film with lots of scratches and cuts, and mostly were movies that were blasted by critics as horrible films.

Another great thing about Grindhouse movies
are the movie posters.  They are silly, corny and
completely over the top.  This one is a great
homage to those films.

...anyway, when Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez did "Grindhouse" a few years ago, it was your typical grindhouse-like double feature... Rodriguez's part of the film, "Planet Terror", was awesome.  It was funny, it was ridiculous, and it was a great tribute to those old kind of movies.   Even right in the middle of it, there is a "missing" scene that, one the front end had two characters at odds, and when the film cut out and came back, those two characters were discussing how they were father and son.  Plus, there is Rose McGowen who has a machine gun for a leg.  Bizarre premise, like I said.
Tarantino's part, "Death Proof", was less than so.  It was long winded, it was trying to do too much, trying to be too much, and except for an awesome use of Kurt Russell, it was a disappointment after watching "Planet Terror".  The main character introductory scene right in the middle of the film, using an old style camera shot of just going around the table, seamlessly, from person to person, was enjoyable for, oh, the first ten minutes, but it just kept going on and on and on until it was just completely boring.   Even the last scene was a total letdown, save for a car chase that was sorta, kinda fun for again, the first ten minutes.  Eh.

There are hundreds of grindhouse movies out there--this Top 10 list alone has titles like "Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill!" and "Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS" and "Please Don't Eat My Mother" and one of my favorite movie titles ever, "Sweet Sweetback's Badasssss Song"--and includes one that I actually have seen, that being "Vanishing Point".

SIDEBAR... Speaking of "Sweet Sweetback's Badasssss Song", when Wookiee and I went to see the Troy Trojans play football, we made sure we stuck around for the band, the Sound of the South.  Best band in the South, and that includes you, The Million Dollar Band of Alabama.  Anyway, when the Colorguard came out, we noticed someone of color with a flag.  Not unusual, right?  Well, this someone was a guy.  And he pranced, and twirled and did his thing better than most of them.  We immediately dubbed him "Sweet Sweetback".  He was there the next two games we went to, but not the last time we went.  We miss Sweet Sweetback. 

"Vanishing Point" really is nothing but a 90 minute car chase and features lots of gunfire and explosions and a blind DJ named Super Soul and an awesome white 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T with a 440/375 horsepower engine.  Not a whole lot of plot, but I liked it because it was so ridiculously simple, yet cool.

Another film that came out in 2010 was the Robert Rodriguez/Ethan Maniquis film "Machete", which was just about the ultimate "grindhouse" film.  It was absolutely stunning in how ridiculous, over the top yet tongue-in-cheek it was, and yet, the main character, Machete (played by Danny Trejo, who, along with Luiz Guzman, is part of a Mexican That Guy Mafia), is still hilarious.  Honestly, this movie has no social redeeming value, has no purpose on this earth and this is so far removed from being Emmy Turnbow Safe, it makes "The Hangover" look like a Pixar movie.  As a Christ Follower, I cannot in good faith, along with a desire to be encouraging and not a stumbling block, recommend you see this movie.  That being said, its a hoot. 

Here's Rutger Hauer.  He plays a Hobo.  And that Hobo has
a shotgun.   It doesn't get much deeper than that.

The whole point of this blog, though, was to discuss "Hobo With a Shotgun", a movie I saw recently on cable.  Starring Rutger Hauer, the film stems from a contest winner--the contest asked participants to submit trailers, with the winning trailer getting a chance to be made into a film.  The contest was held during a recent South by Southwest festival, and was held by none other than the aformentioned Robert Rodriguez.  

Rutger plays The Hobo, who wanders into Hope Town, which has been taken over and is being run by a mean guy named The Drake, along with his sons Ivan and Slick, and all The Hobo wants to do is save up some money and open up a lawnmower shop, and he ends up meeting and caring for a young girl named Abby--he protects her, not chases her, by the way--and she wants to help him with his business when things go horribly awry and The Drake gets involved and then things get violent with The Hobo and then and so on and... well, you get it.

This movie was pretty terrible all the way around.  I mean, I tried to watch it tongue-in-cheek, tried to appreciate why it was made, and how intentional the crap was supposed to be, and still, it was a pretty crappy movie, 

So, there's your look at recent grindhouse.  I'd recommend "Planet Terror", and possibly "Vanishing Point", and if you can handle the long conversation, "Death Proof".   "Machete" is likable, but its really bad, and "Hobo with a Shotgun" is just bad all the way around.  

The Summer of Blogging Day Thirty Five

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... #20 to 11

One step closer to revealing what is the absolute, bar none, most awesome, Coolest Thing of 2009... but first, we have nineteen more things to discuss.  And here's ten more, starting with...

The 20th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Where We Eatin', Y'all?"
On my blogroll on the right, there are over 20 blogs listed.  My rule usually is that if you don't update your blog in two months or so, I take it off the blogroll... of course, I'm still expecting to be on theirs, so its a hard double standard line to toe.

There are several who do update on a regular, or semi-regular basis, which include:

Happy Harper Stories... Married mom of two, Jaime, shares stories of family and kids, but mostly I like to wander aimlessly around her blog--her set up is much better than mine.
B&W Daily Photos... Former Deucemate and Pimpalicious Shawn Sharp simply takes a photo each day.  Sounds simple enough, and it is, but its a fun little site showcasing some great talent.
Life's Random Happenings... One of my kids, Betsy, has this fun little random site she writes on, and I'm actually enjoying her list of things to accomplish before she dies. 

And then there's this little beauty... its got this ridiculously clunky title, almost too long to remember, but long enough that you'll remember enough of it, called, "Where To Go Eat Or Not Go Eat... And Why", and its not so much about restaurant reviews as it is about the legendary Barnett Curse.

When its $10, $20, maybe $30 bucks for Amarilys By Morning (up from san antone), her husband Hurricane Rhett and their daughter Raspberry Vinaigrette to eat, they do okay.  Mostly.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I had dinner with them the other night, things went swimmingly.

When they fork over the $100 for dinner at the fancy schmancy places, they do okay, like you usually do when you are paying that much for dinner.

But when it gets between $30 and say, $70... all bets are off.  Everything from waiters making racial jokes to time lapses of more than a few hours from arrival to departure.   They wreak havoc on restaurants when they show up, not on purpose... but the Bad Service Fairy hovers over the place from the time the Barnetts walk in to the time they leave.  And it makes for a great blog.

And the restaurants they've cursed include... The Egg and I... Wendy's... Red Lobster... and my favorite still, where The Barnett Curse perhaps began... The Cheesecake Factory.

The 19th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Sunshine Cleaning"
From April 2009 (written a year ago today, which tells you how far behind I am on getting this Top 100 finished)...

A couple of days ago we saw "Sunshine Cleaning". This was one I had been waiting on, as the previews looked wonderful and it helps that I'm in love with Amy Adams. Amy plays Rose Lorkowski, a 30 something woman who's life hasn't turned out like she hoped. Rose is not making much money, her son is a problem child, and she's having an affair with a guy that she knows down deep will never leave his wife. She's a maid for a maid service, and realizes that her life has really hit a wall when she ends up cleaning a house for someone she went to high school with.

I loved this movie in every possible way. It was charming, it was fun and there aren't a thousand subplots to try and tie up at the end. Some of the cliched stuff that you think would happen in a movie like this never does, which was refreshing, and Rose is such a lovable character that you root for her the entire time--and its heartbreaking when the major "event" happens that seems to ruin everything late in the movie. You even end up really liking Norah, despite some of the stupid things she does. What I also loved about this movie is it doesn't' feel the need to resolve every little issue with a Hollywood happy ending. Some things are... well, just done when they are done. Rated R for language and some Amy Adams underwear shots.

The 18th Coolest Thing of 2009... The Adam Carolla Podcast
In the years leading up to 2009, namely 2005, 2006 and 2007, I knew only of Adam Carolla from "The Man Show"--no, I never watched it, I just know it was on Comedy Central and Spike TV for a while--and as a co-host of MTV's "Loveline", another show that I never watched, but knew about.

In 2008, Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons started having Adam come on his own podcast from time to time, and they were always podcasts I thoroughly enjoyed.  Adam would usually pitch a "movie idea", and it was always something to laugh at... my favorite is the idea for a movie called "Long Snapper", about a disgraced NFL longsnapper named Rush Blitzer... and in it, he'd throw every cliche that movies present, from the cutaways to birds leaving the trees when something traumatic is going on to that weird double take look when someone sees something that surprised them.

I found out in early 2009 that Carolla was getting his own podcast, so I checked it out... and I've been listening ever since.  Now, Adam Carolla is not Emmy Turnbow safe by any means--he uses foul langauge, he discusses topics that are not necessarily meant to be discussed at the dinner table, and he is seldom politcally correct... but he's hysterical.  And practical.  He doesn't pull any punches, he says it like it is, and he makes fun of himself to the extreme sometimes.  Its randy but never disgusting, its Rated R but not NC-17... he also has guests in the studio (which in the early shows constituted his couch in his home, and now is a couch in a warehouse) and its fun to watch them let loose and discuss.

He's anchored by his friend Donnie, who he's dubbed "The Weaz", who helps produce the show, and will also feature his friends Bald Bryan and Teresa Strasser, who used to co-host "What Not to Wear" (and has her own funny blog) and many times, depending on the guest, its the first show out of the gate I listen to when I'm scrolling through my podcasts, even beating out Rush.  (don't worry--I am now and forever will be a Rush fan until someone can not only convince me he's wrong, but prove it... hasn't happened yet...)

The 17th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Relator"
The movie theater isn't the most likely place to discover music you like... but The Lovely Steph Leann and I were sitting, chitchatting away in the dim light, awaiting whatever movie to start to... well, start.  The familiar voice of That Guy who does that Movie Tunes broadcast says something like, "Here's the new one from Ingrid Michelson!" and Ingrid Michelson starts out her song "Everyone".  You know, "everyone, everyone wants to love, everyone everyone wants to be loved, oh whoa whoa... oh whoa whoa..."

I thought it was cool.  I got out my phone and texted "Ingrid M Everyone" to myself.  Wanted to do that so I would remember to listen to it, and possibly download later.

And then, after "Everyone" had finished, the same guy rambled on about something or another, possibly telling me I should go get a refreshing Coke for like, $8.75, at the refreshment stand.  Then he says something strange--"Here's a new tune from Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson".

Exsqueeze me?  Bakin' powder?  When did ScarJo become a singer?  What did I miss?

And here comes this raspy voice, a voice that I struggled to place with ScarJo... "When I met you... I didn't know what to do... I was hungry, I was tired, I fight..."

And once again, I grabbed my phone, texting "ScarJo P Yorn Relate" to myself.  All I've got is this tune in my head, "you don't... relate... to me... no no..." and when I finally get home, I Google the lyrics and it comes up with "Relator", by Scarlet Johansson and Pete Yorn, from their duet (!) album "Break Up".  I've listened to most of the tunes on the whole album, and they are alright enough, but "Relator" is the gem.  Its a great, great driving song.

 

The 16th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Book of Basketball"

Anyone who knows me knows I have an affinity for The Sports Guy.  He's a columnist on ESPN.com, a former writer for ESPN The Magazine, and the author of the book that was the 6th Coolest Thing of 2006.  His latest book is a must-read for anyone who has ever enjoyed anything about the NBA... its almost NBA overload. 

In this 700+ page behemoth of a book, The Sports Guy tackles the Top Ten Greatest Seasons of All Time... He looks back and retroactively awards MVP titles to those who should have gotten them, as opposed to who did get them (many times not the same thing) and his love of the Boston Celtics and the National Basketball Association shines through when he devotes hundreds of pages to the best players of all time, ranked from great to greatest in his attempt to revamp the Basketball Hall of Fame.

There are tons of statistics and names dropped, a few shots taken at players like Vince Carter, Kareem and Kobe, and lots of basketball history--the man did his homework--but what sets him apart from other columnists I enjoy is his pop culture knowledge.  Being a pop culture afficinado myself, I not only appreciate, but revel in the jabs and jokes that come along, sometimes making me feel a little special because I know some of his references are harder to identify, and only a few of us can do so.  Cause we rock.

Because of time contraints, it took me a solid two months to plow through this book (and I'm actually going back and re-reading my favorite chapters because the start time to finish time was so lengthy), and after his baseball book, and now The Book of Basketball, it makes me wonder if a football opus is around the corner at some point.

The 15th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children"
From a post written on August 23rd, 2009...  You know, I take pride in the fact that I'm pretty good with films. I've seen thousands of movies over the years, and many of them are the same, or at least the same type, and you can kind of predict patterns, kind of see where a movie will go, sometimes have a good clue as to "whodunit" before the blood dries on the ground...

however comma

I have to be honest in saying that this film went in a COMPLETELY different direction than what I was thinking it would. The trailer, which was very cleverly uninforming by Tarantino, tells you nothing of what this movie holds and where its going to go.

The Basterds, as they are called, is a group led by Lt. Aldo Raines, played by Brad Pitt, and he wants to kill Nah-zees.

Aldo Raines recruits a group of soldiers to do just that very thing, but along the way, we also see the story (and backstory) of Shoshanna (a wonderful--and gorgeous--Melanie Laurent), who's entire Jewish family is butchered by infamous Jew Hunter, Col. Hans Landa. Landa is played by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz,  (who ended up winning an Oscar in March of 2010--d$) and the character is played to unsympathetic perfection. You want to absolutely hate Landa for who he is and what he does, but you almost find yourself liking him just because he is so "I'm just doing the job they asked me to do, and I'm going to do it well" blaise about it. Only the job isn't tiling a bathroom or fixing a transmission, its hunting and killing Jews in France.

Anyway, I enjoyed it quite a bit. On QT's movie rankings, I'd still ranking Dogs as my favorite, followed closely by "Pulp Fiction"... and then this one. I look forward to watching it again, enjoying all of Tarantino's eccentricities that he dashes throughout his films

The 14th Coolest Thing of 2009... MZ Gets a Starbucks
Its always good when your friends succeed.

When I went to The Happiest Place in the Mall in July of 2008, I stepped down as a manager at Starbucks, and went just part time at a store in Homewood, AL.  It was a store that had scheduled to close, and at that time I was almost at 6 years with the company, and I was asked to help the store close down.  When it finally did, I was transferred over to the Starbucks on 280, right next to Hwy 119.

Working there?  My friend MZ that I had known when she was a customer ordering her Grande Raspberry Mocha on a daily basis.  She became a barista, then a shift... and when the long term manager left for another career, she was promoted, much to the chagrin of some who thought she was "too new" and they were next in line. 

She was very "new", but she was experience enough to know what she was doing, and humble enough to know she was in over her head.  When I found The Happiest Place would become The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I asked her if I could come on full time... and though we were friends, she took a professional stance and actually thought about it and about what would be best for the business.  She agreed, and when my job ends, I'll once again be doing Starbucks 40 hours per week.

Its been about a year or so now, and she's learned alot... and I've learned alot from her.  I'm excited about working for, and with, MZ, because I've watched her already.  People respond to her leadership, which is built on relationships and a fever to help each person do their best in whatever they are doing--that in turn will be best for the business.  Maybe she's "new", but she's already miles ahead of many managers who had been doing this for a long, long time.

The 13th Coolest Thing of 2009... Inside the Magic
I love audiobooks (I'm right in the middle of a 30 disc narration of "Under the Dome" by Stephen King... which I'll talk about when I finish, because its marvelous) but when I listen to an audiobook (like said 30 disc novel), I always have to play catch up on my podcasts... such as the 1:45 it takes to listen to a complete, commercial free Rush Limbaugh show.  Or the 45 minutes to an hour it takes me to listen to either Carolla's podcast or The BS Report with The Sports Guy.  Or the 30 minute weekly show called ESPNU College Football, which comes on every other week in the offseason.

And last January or so, I decided I wanted to jump into a few Disney podcasts... I listened to a few, and found some to be either long winded or too random, but one stuck.  I listened to "Inside the Magic" again the following week... and the following week.. and the following week... and sometime would go online to watch the videos that host Ricky Brigante would post, various openings of stores, or coverage of a press event or so on.

Each show starts with a "Trip... around the world", with Ricky, an Orlando resident and frequent visitor of the parks, giving news from not only Walt Disney World, but also Disneyland, sometimes parks overseas if the news is big enough, various news and rumors from other Disney areas like movies and music, and even sometimes news and such from other Orlando area attractions like Sea World and Universal.

Ricky's got this odd voice that you think will grate on you, yet in a short time it becomes an easy voice to listen to even for long period of time (his Ear in Review show?  Four hours) and his wit comes through as he's not afraid to take a jab at Disney... he's a fan just as much as we are, and with that comes the good and the bad.

Says Ricky:  "In the next bit of news, I don't know why I didn't lead with this... huge news for everyone... its officlal.  Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato... are dating.  You heard it here."

The show sometimes features movie reviews, music reviews and restaurant reviews, many times has interviews with people from the Disney universe, and will often feature a segment called "Cruisin' the World", with Skipper Ben, a former Jungle Cruise skipper who lives in Dallas, TX, but has never lost the Disney bug.

The show has been a valuable source of information for me in my time at The Happiest Place in the Mall, many times hearing rumors and news, getting release dates of certain things like DVDs and such, even before the company let us at the store level know.  If you are looking for a weekly podcast, you can find Inside the Magic in the iTunes store, or on their new website, but will also add to the Disney links on the right.  Back to yooooooooooou Ricky.

The 12th Coolest Thing of 2009... Disney with The Lovely Steph Leann
Once again, for our anniversary, The Lovely Steph Leann and I headed to Orlando, FL, to spend 9 days amongst The Most Magical Place on Earth--that being Walt Disney World.

Now, you may wonder "Why is a vacation with your wife only ranking 12th?  Shouldn't that be the most important and coolest thing?  What kind of man are you?!"

To that, I answer that yes, this trip was very cool.  Any trip with The Lovely Steph Leann is a good trip.  A cool trip.  But the two reasons that this trip ranks 12th and not 1st are simply... 1) We went with my mother-in-law and aunt.  Now, this wasn't inherently a bad thing, it was enjoyable, and Mama Ruthless actually paid for several meals and took care of us through the trip.  We hung out with them some, and split up from them some... but the fact that our anniversary vacation was taken with a mother-in-law and an aunt... just sayin'.

And 2) The Lovely Steph Leann got sick.  I mean, sick.  I mean, sick sick.  It started in the middle of the trip, and perhaps began when I didn't feel good.  I went through a day or so of stomach issues, with my immune system, usually built like a tank, fighting off the stomach flu. But as the old saying goes, "That which does not kill us goes after The Lovely Steph Leann and makes her sick."  And the stomach flu did just that very thing, knocking her completely out of action for one full day and bits and pieces of days after that.  She's said it was one of the worst, darkest days of her life. 

So the stomach flu was the big hindrance to this trip being 12th and not 1st... but for a few notes from the trip, you can click to the one post I wrote concerning the trip. 

The 11th Coolest Thing of 2009... Movies With Mikey
There's a road that runs through the little town of Hoover, and on that road--Lorna, to be exact--there's a little shopping center... I say shopping center, but there really is no shopping... maybe its a business area.  There's a club there that has been through about fifteen different names, including Frogger's and Roper's, and I think its Bumper's now. 

Next to it is a small movie theater that I'm sure in its heyday, back when Ace of Base ruled the charts and perhaps the Dallas Cowboys were beginning a dynasty, was a clamour of activity and profit.  You know its an older theater when you walk in and you realize you don't have to climb any steps to get to your seat.  Nay, you have to walk down a slight incline and choose your row.

We take for granted stadium seating and you young fellas and gals probably don't remember a time when all seats were on the same level, save for a ramp that took you a little lower the closer to the screen you got.

This is why Mikey and I love this theater... and this is why Mikey and I make it a habit to get together a few times a month for a movie there.  Oh, and the fact that its a single dollar to get in.  If you've ever walked out of a theater you've paid $9.75 to get into thinking "Man, that movie was terrible... I hate that I wasted a Zaxby's meal and a Chick-fila Cookies-n-Cream milkshake worth to see that." 

That's the idea behind The d$ and Mikey Crappy Movie Series.  We go see movies that we kinda want to see but don't dare pay $10 for, because we aren't sure we'll even like it. Sometimes we make it a point to go see the worst of the worst.  Someitmes we are pleasantly surprised at how much we like a movie.  We always have a good time.

Some of the movies we have seen this past year include... "Observe and Report", one of the worst films I've ever seen... "Land of the Lost", a pretty bad Will Ferrell flick... "Men Who Stare At Goats", which I'm still trying to figure out the plotline... "I Love You Man", solidifying my love of Paul Rudd... "Year One", funny at times but only here and there... and "The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard", pushing hard to be worth the one dollar we spent...  talk about your epic, award winning films.  All were preceeded with a burger at Baha or some other find eating establishment, and all included great conversation with one of my best mates. 

Here's to another year full of crappy, terrible one dollar movies.

And finally... here comes the top ten.. two movies, eight people, two songs, a gathering, a toy and a toy ride... the Top Ten Coolest Things of 2009...