top ten books of 2018 (the final four)

Okay, so in this two blog posts that turned into four blog posts somehow (because why say in 500 words what we can say in 2400?), here are the final four books in my list of 2018's favorites.

But first... the links to previous stuff...

The Not Top Ten Books of 2018
Top Ten of 2018, Part 1 
Top Ten of 2018, Part 2 (review of "The Six")


The 4th Best Book I Read for the First Time in 2018
"DON'T BULLSH*T YOURSELF: CRUSH THE EXCUSES THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK" by Jon Taffer

Excuse makers seem to put more time into crafting the perfect justification for their actions (or inactions) that into working and succeeding. We all do it. And it's time for us to stop. Excuses are the common denominator of failure. - Jon Taffer 

So, I'm a big fan of the Spike TV now Paramount TV show "Bar Rescue"...

First, does anyone else remember The Nashville Network?  America's country home? I remember watching  the nightly show "Nashville Now" hosted by Ralph Emery, featuring some puppet named Shotgun, while the country stars of the 80s and early 90s appeared, stars like Marie Osmond and Dan Seals and Alabama and Vern Gosdin and so on. This sounds like a blog post on it's own, so we'll come back to this later.

Anyway, "Bar Rescue" is this reality show that features business man and bar expert Jon Taffer who goes into failing bars and restaurants and helps turn them around with what can only be described as tough love. Usually, the bars are nearly bankrupt because of poor management, so Jon yells at them to get their act together, has his compatriots teach them bartending and cooking skills, and overhauls the bars.  The level of success is debateable, as I've read stories of how some of the rescued bars still fail, but overall, the show is awesome.

Taffer offers the same level of pull-no-punches instructions to the readers as he does to the Bar Rescue viewers, but this time talks about the things that get in our way and keeps us from being successful -- fear, knowledge (or lack of), time, circumstances, ego, and scarcity -- and it all boils down to a simple "Stop making excuses and get your crap done."

I found the direct line of coaching to be pretty refreshing, and I think this is a great book for anyone who needs to pull a Toby Keith (put a boot in your a**, its the American way) and get their stuff done.

The 3rd Best Book I Read for the First Time in 2018
"REPUBLICANS BUY SNEAKERS TOO: HOW THE LEFT IS RUINING SPORTS WITH POLITICS" by Clay Travis

"Sports united us and the games themselves entertained us. They helped to keep us sane amid an increasingly insane political and global environment. Until, that is, everything changed and ESPN, the most powerful source in sports media, decided to turn into MSESPN, the nation's most far-left-wing mix of politics and sports, and every other sports media entity followed their lead" - Clay Travis

Okay, first up, you may hate Clay Travis. And if you do, then keep scrolling, because I'm obviously going to talk about how much I liked his book. So don't @ me.  (is that what the young folk are saying? Don't at me? Only using the @ sign? Is that like a clapback?  I'm so old now)

I don't listen to Travis' morning show, but I do listen to the (mostly) daily 30 minute Outkick the Show podcast, which is a humorous take on sports and news of the day.  Travis will tell you himself, and has many times, that he worked on the Bill Clinton campaign in the 90s, and voted for Obama twice, so he's not a Republican, but he hates the hypocrisy that is all up in our politics from both sides of the aisle, and this book spells out much of that.

If you listen to him on podcasting, you'll know his take on how ESPN let Jemele Hill slide on something awful she said on Twitter, while firing Curt Schilling over something he said in private, and the media embrace of Lebron's claim that someone vandalized his home (no evidence) and Michael Bennett's claim to have been racially profiled in Vegas (evidence to the contrary) and some stuff about Trump and how ESPN has gone full-on left wing.  And a chapter on Michael vs LeBron politically, which lends to the title of the book, based on something that Michael Jordan is alledged to have said.

Think he's a punk and full of crap?  Well, Clay Travis called the ESPN ratings collapse two years ago, as we are beginning to see some of that now.  And he's made several more predictions of that kind, and they've come to fruition.

I like the guy, as he makes me laugh. I don't agree with many things he says, but some things are dead on. And if you like him, you'll enjoy the book like I did... and if you don't... well, like I said, keep scrolling.

The 2nd Best Book I Read for the First Time in 2018
"THE ART OF WORK: A PROVEN PATH TO DISCOVERING WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO DO" by Jeff Goins

"This is not a book about miracles. It is a book about finding your calling, about how you discover what you were born to do. A calling is that thing you can't not do, an answer to the age-old question, 'What should I do with my life?'" - Jeff Goins

I've been a fan of Goins for a while, especially since I finally met the guy at The Thing conference last May. He basically writes about the creative process, including writing actually about writing, with books like "Real Artists Don't Starve" and the aptly named "You Are a Writer" (which I really enjoyed).  

This is a book about finding your calling, but more than that, finding out what you were meant to do -- including being a writer.  Each chapter is based on a theme, from Awareness to Discovery to Profession and so on, with sharing a real story from each theme.

It goes through subtle, and not so subtle, hints in life about embracing failure... when trying isn't good enough... learning from unexpected teachers... building a legacy and much more.  Ultimately, it tries to help you answer the simple question of "What were you meant to do?"

For some folks, you'll find an answer, for others, you'll be reassured of what you are doing now (like me), and maybe for some, you'll be just as lost as before, but with more wisdom and soundbites in your head.

And of course, it doesn't hurt that Goins pulls a great theme from the Michael J Fox magnum opus "The Secret of My Success" to discuss happiness and opportunity. And if you really want to know what the Secret of My Success is, then just ask the 80s band Night Ranger... "The secret to my success is working TWENTY FIVE HOURS A DAAAAAAAAAAAY"

THE BEST BOOK I READ FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2018:
"THIS IS MARKETING: YOU CAN'T BE SEEN UNLESS YOU LEARN TO SEE" by Seth Godin

"Marketing is the act of making change happen. Making is insufficent. You haven't made an impact until you've changed someone. You can do this by creating and then relieving tension. By establishing cultural norms. By seeing status roles and helping to change them (or maintain them). But first, you need to see it. Then you need to choose to work with human beings to help them find what they are looking for" - Seth Godin


Not that I have a bookshelf full of marketing books, but I've read a few here and there, and can tell you hands down, this is the best marketing book I've ever read. Without question. And that even surpasses some of Godin's other marketing books.

Quite simply, the book is about storytelling. And being someone who sees the needs of others, those you are trying to serve, as you market to them the product or service you want to serve them with.  Its the seeing that most people miss.  According to Godin, "Marketing isn't a battle, and it's not a war. It isn't even a contest. It's the generous act of helping someone solve a problem. Their problem."

The book is a tweet factory, as I felt like I could have tweeted out 3,000 statements and one liners from the book itself, as it uses various examples from companies both big and small in marketing ideas.

I don't even know what to tell you about this book other than if you have a small business, or a large one, and your marketing scheme doesn't seem to connect -- then get it. The audio is great, as Godin reads it in his dry tone, but I'm really wanting the workbook now that will go with it.

And I want to read it again, this time to absorb more of it and try to not just read, but soak it in.

Well done, Mr. Godin. Well done.

And there you are... the best books I read for the first time in 2018...

american idol's last hurrah

I'm not sure that anyone but myself, The Lovely Steph Leann and our friend Cindy Jo is actually watching American Idol this season.  Heck, I stopped doing Idol blogs years ago, even before the dumpster fire that was the Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj season...

SIDEBAR -- I'm proud to say I've been alive for the entire five or six years that Nicki Minaj has even been a thing, and I'm proud to say I haven't heard more than five seconds of any Minaj song.  I know she has one called "Starship" or "Spaceship" or something, but I only know it because the title appears on my screen on SiriusXM, but I'm quick to turn it.  To be fair, she does add a little flair to the Jessie J/Ariana Grande song "Bang Bang" which I want to publicly denounce, but deep down in the iPod of my heart, it sits next to "Party in the USA" as "My Jams" 

OTHER SIDEBAR -- I don't know a lot about Jessie J, other than she sorta looks like a poor man's Idina Menzel.  And honestly, I'm trying not to like Ariana Grande because she's really flaky, but darn it if I actually kinda like her.  Let's move on.

Where was I?  Oh yeah...

Anyway, we are rocketing towards the finale like a Meat Loaf album title (wait for it) and most unexpectedly.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I have had more than one conversation about how Idol has been a mainstay for Fox for a decade and a half, making it a bajillionty dollars, and yet, it's as if the execs at Fox said "Get it done and over as quick as possible."

So much so that we are chunking two at a time in the past few weeks, not even a separate results show, and seriously, I freakin' miss the Silver Stools of Doom that the Bottom Three had to sit on to await their fate!

I figured they would have at least a full Top Ten, even after that quick slashing of the Top 24... but nope. Knocking two out, then two more, then another, all under the guise of "Judge's Save", giving the power to Harry Connick Jr, Jennifer Lopez & keith urban to pick the best of the Bottom 3 to remain.

Anyway, tonight's show was the Final Six, soon to be a Final Five, as the judges use the "last Judge Save".  I didn't even know we were calling it that.

Who do we have?  Sonika Vaid, with her old school Demi Lovato teeth gap... Tristan McIntosh who, for the life of both myself and The Lovely Steph Leann, we cannot figure out how she made it this far... Mackenzie Bourg, who strikes me as very toothy... Dalton Rapattoni, the token eyeliner-wearing guy on the show... Trent Harmon, who is The Lovely Steph's Leann's favorite and seemingly a pretty cool guy... and La'Porsha, the big haired prohibitive favorite who can not just sing, but SAANG.

Here are my thoughts on tonight's episode...

First... Harry made some comment about how this is the final night to use the save, and said something about how everyone is bringing it tonight because they haven't used it yet... but actually, when he said it, the Judge's Save had been used about 10 minutes prior to save Sonika.  This show IS live, right?  Are they pulling a Seacrusty Fakery on us?

Second... Olivia Rox should still be here.  Avalon shouldn't have lasted this long, just like Tristan.

Third... If Idol were to continue, La'Porsha's version of Mary J. Blige's "No More Drama" would go down in A.I. folklore as one of those seminal moments on the show, a la "Summertime" by Fantasia or David Cook's version of "Hello" or Carrie Underwood's "Alone"... something you remember for years to come.

Fourth... While it's never a wrong time to have the performance of your season, like MacKenzie did tonight, it's not quite as magical when you blow everyone away with a tender version of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" only to have everyone be blowered awayer more when La'Porsha comes up.

Fifth... This is perhaps the first season that I could see anyone in the Top Four actually winning and being successful (which is a relative term for Idol, because though we have Kelly, Carrie, Daughtry and a few others, we also have DeWyze and Bowersox and many more forgotten names).  I say four because Sonika will likely be dropped next week.  It's time.

Sixth... Do you mean to tell me that Idol listened to the fans and American actually chose "Wild World" by Cat Stevens?  I'd almost guarantee that 88.4% of the Idol audience had no idea who sang "Wild World", and probably 67.9% of that group may not even know who Cat Stevens is.  I smell shenanigans.

Seventh... Its a joy to watch J-Lo, Harry and keith do their thing, because you can tell they truly are having a great time.  People complain that since Simon left, it's gone downhill, but I am one of those people who didn't watch for the disasters, I watched for the talents.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed William Hung and "Pants on the Ground" like anyone else, but I have really reveled in watching the real artists emerge (long live Julia DeMato!), and our three judges feel the same.

Eighth... While not in this episode, go out and find Kelly Clarkson's version of "Piece by Piece" from a few weeks ago, her new song.  Holy crap.  It might be the best performance Kelly has ever pulled off.



Ninth... Speaking of returning Idols, what is Adam Lambert doing that he can't take 2 hours and sit at the table and judge?  Or work with the Idols a little?  Seriously... Kelly Clarkson is like forever pregnant, but sat right down and did a great job helping the Idols, and THEN performed.  I give a pass to Carrie Underwood but Adam Lambert?  Sit yo' butt down and talk to these kids.

Tenth... I'll admit, I like Tristan, but I agree with Harry when he says that she's uber talented, but just not ready for this.  Which is annoying, because he was one of the three people that put her into this Top Ten limelight, but there it is.  She sang a Martina McBride song for the 2nd week in a row, and while last week's "Broken Wing" saved her bacon (she did it justice), this week she did a piano ballady version of "Independence Day".  That's not a song you can make into a ballad, or at least not easily.  And while she sang okay, the song lost its umph with her version.

Last point... Tristan and Sonika were in the Bottom Two, and had to sing to try and earn the Judge's Save.  While Tristan did the aforementioned "Independence Day", Sonika chose to sing, "Demi Lovato's 'Let It Go'"

This led to a deep chat between myself and The Lovely Steph  Leann, because I was somewhat bugged by the fact that it was "Demi's 'Let It Go'"  I immediately piped up with "That's Idina, not Demi.  What the heck?"

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah, but Demi did it
Me: No, Demi did a version of it.  That's Idina Menzel's song.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah, but Sonika is doing Demi's version of the song
Me: Then Seacrest should say that she's doing Demi's version of an Idina song.
The Lovely Steph  Leann: It's just like when the Carpenter's did "Ticket to Ride".  You don't say they did the Beatles "Ticket to Ride", they did their own version of it.
Me: (Pause): Yeah, but still.

And as usual, she's right.  Still Idina's song.

13 things not in 2013

I, like many people here in 'Merica, have made a list of resolutions... or, if you will, things I want to accomplish in 2014.  But I hope to take a look back at 2013, to remember the year, and some of these things I managed...

Coming later this week, my list of 38 things I want to do in 2014... on Monday, Clouds presents its first Movie Monday, with a list of my Top Ten Films of 2013, plus a quick list of all the movies I saw this year for the first time (and the worst films too!)

Next week, a list of books read in 2013, as we close out the year...

however comma

I'd be remiss if  I didn't own up to the things that I didn't do this past year. 

And honestly, I am okay with... even proud of... this list of 13 things I did NOT do in 2013:

In 2013, the year of our Lord...

**I did NOT adopt the word "Cray" or "Cray Cray" into my daily vernacular.  And cheers to The Huffington Post for keeping it real about what people my age should be saying... I know, right?

**I did NOT read a single page, nor learn a single thing about the "50 Shades of Grey" series. 

**I did NOT see a single minute of any real housewife in any city on any reality show of any kind

I think how good Miley Cyrus can be is directly proportional
to the length of her hair.  Here?  Awesome. Short cut?  Not
so much.  Also, beware, unless you Google "Miley Party in
the USA" specifically, you'll get lots of her 2013 images.
Ew.

**I did NOT see a single second of anything to do with Miley Cyrus when it comes to a wrecking ball

**I did NOT hear a single note of the aforementioned "Wrecking Ball" song, nor have I actually heard any Miley music since "Party in the USA".  In fact, to me, she doesn't exist after "Party in the USA".

**I did NOT grasp any understanding of the word "twerk", what it means to "twerk", how to "twerk", or anything else associated with "twerking" of any kind. 

**I did NOT hear any Nicki Minaj song.  As a matter of fact, this is a two year streak now.  I don't know anything she sings, and wouldn't recognize her voice at all.

**I did NOT hear anything by Justin Beiber.  Similarly to Miley's "Party in the USA" cutoff for me, the only Beiber song I know anything about is "Boyfriend", and that's only because its so utterly ridiculous.

**I did NOT learn what a Harlem Shake is, nor have I ever heard it sung. 

**I did NOT see a single frame of any show featuring the words "Duck" and "Dynasty".  No offense to any of those guys, I just haven't seen the show, ever, and have no desire to watch it.  Ever. 

**I did NOT find out what the fox says.  Apparently that was a song.  Thankfully, I never heard it. 

 

**I did NOT gain the ability to distinguish any of the Kardashians from one another.  I think there is a Khloe and a Kourtney and a Kim?  Maybe?  Who knows?  Better yet, who cares...

 

**I did NOT get a Pinterest, SnapChat, Kik or whatever else is out there.  Right now, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook are enough.  Perhaps I'll pick up Pinterest in the future, as I am promoting a Disney site, but for now, I'm full up on Social Media. 

 

By the way, parents, make sure you check out this article about SnapChat, and how dangerous it is for teenagers--especially teen girls.  I'd eventually like to have a daughter, but I tell ya, this world is not kind to young women...

 

There are probably a few more things I didn't do this year, but that's my main list... of course, there are things I DID do in this vein, notably, fall in love with "Blurred Lines".  Can't say I'm proud of that, but there it is. 

 

Check out the site tomorrow, Friday morning at the latest, and you'll get my (already written) list of things I want to do in 2014, which I call my Great 38...

 

The 100 to 91st Coolest Things of 2011

Feels like we were just here, doesn't it?  I mean, with the coolest things of the year, right?  About a week or two ago, we learned how Melanie rules, my car is awesome, iLove my iPhone and "Inception" makes my head spin in a good way...but THAT was 2010.

We just passed 2011.  And in that year, cool things happen.  Which means its time to start our new list!  Now, perhaps we can finish it before December 29th of 2012, eh?

Quickly, though, for those of you who have never read this list before, its quite simply what I consider to be the coolest things of the past 12 months.  For the most part, stuff that has made this list before won't make the list again, because otherwise, I'd have a rolling list year after year that includes the same things like "Star Wars" and "Shawshank" and "Toy Story Mania" and My Darling Wife and so on;  rather, this is kind of "new things"--movies and shows I've never seen before this year, books I'd not read, experiences I'd not experienced, that sort of thing... and some of these things may have predated 2011, like a book that came out years ago, but it qualifies here if in fact I'd read it in 2011.

Enough chatter.  Here are The 100 Coolest Things of 2011, starting at the top:

#100... Auburn Wins the National Title
Perhaps that heading should actually say "Cam Newton" wins the national title.  There are two kinds of teams that win championships in college football... those with great teams, like the Alabama team that won it in 2009 (and subsequently, a few days ago for the 2011 season) and those with mediocre teams and one great, great player.  Auburn was the latter.  Cam Newton was electrifying... watching him run, watching him play was genius, probably a more trumped up version of watching a young Steve McNair at Alcorn State do magic in the air.   They were known as the Cardiac Cats, because they had this habit of falling behind early, many times to lesser opponents, then roaring back... and when they fell behind to a perhaps superior opponent, the Crimson Tide, they managed to get a score in at halftime--my bro-in-law Tyler was high fiving his dad, Big Daddy Ron, excited, celebrating and saying, "Yeah!  We are dominating!", while Ron simply smirked at the 20 point lead for the Tide saying, "This isn't enough.  I'm worried."  As well he should have been.

Anyway, it was kinda cool to see a program who hadn't won a title since '57 take it home, especially knowing its not likely to happen again.  See, while Alabama... and yes, The Go Gator Nation... build great teams, teams ready to sustain a few years of hug success separated by a year or two of so-so 9 win seasons, Auburn is awaiting its next great player.  Someday, perhaps.

Found on Twitter:  Its great that Alabama sandwiched its titles around Auburn's title.  Just like a good big brother should do.

#99... Got a "Pocket Full of Kryptonite", Ah...
The band is the Spin Doctors, the album is "Pocket Full of Kryponite", and the title is from a line in my favorite Spin Doctors tune, "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", one of my top 100 favorite songs of all time.  I owned this CD, though I don't exactly remember where I got it--what I do know is, it was completely scratched up, so much so that I'd never heard the entire CD because from Track 4 (a song called "Forty or Fifty") on, it would skip.

So during The Great CD Purge in the Summer of 2011, the scratched CD was one that hit the bricks.  I didn't mourn the loss of the album, yet I wish I had still owned it.  So, imagine my joy one day in late 2011 when I was touring 2nd and Charles, a used book/music/movie/electronic/everything/anything store, and I came across a copy, a like-new copy of "Pocket Full of Krytonite".  For like, $2.95.  Done and done.

Now that I own it, though, I must make an ironic confession... its really not that good of an album.  The two major singles, "Two Princes" (my senior cruise theme song) and "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong", plus the aforementioned "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", are the best part of the album by far.  Its not bad... but its not a great album.  But I do own it, and its the symbolism that counts, right?  Right.

#98... "Friends With Benefits"
Out of the three "friends who decided to hook up only as friends but somehow decided they liked each other" movies that came out within about 9 months of each other, this was by far and away my favorite.

Here's what I wrote on July 31st:

In my own (un)humble opinion, the far superior of the three films.  The script is funny and light, and more real than the rest (the hilarity of the first hook up is a great example), the jokes are funny, and there is great on-screen chemistry between Mila and JT.  You end up liking both characters a lot, and by the time you find out Dylan's story--father with the beginning stages of Alzheimers--it doesn't feel like a ploy to get you to like him because you already do.  Jenna Elfman shows up as Dylan's sister and plays the part great (and cameos from Emma Stone, Andy Sandburg, Rashida Jones and Jason Segel are great too) and the whole romance is entirely believable this time around.  I liked this film alot, and will probably be the only one of the three to appear on The 100 Coolest Things of 2011...

See... I knew.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of The Colin Firth Club, The Lovely
Steph Leann's Hollywood Boyfriend himself, Colin Firth.

#97... Colin Firth Wins the Oscar
Not much to say here, except that its always great when an actor who you know deserves to win an Oscar once in his career actually wins one, and its even greater when that Oscar is not considered by the masses to be a "lifetime" award, but a win for an actual singular performance... hence, Colin Firth wins Best Actor for his portrayal of the king in "The King's Speech", a great, great film.

Much like my excitement when my dear Kate Winslet won her award a few years back, The Lovely Steph Leann was beside herself when her man, Colin First, the president and namesake of The Colin Firth Club, took home the ultimate acting prize.  Now, if only Amy Adams would win one for me, and Hugh Jackman for The Lovely Steph Leann.

#96... "My Strange Addiction"
Holy crap, have you seen this show?  What a weird show.

Its one of those shows that the title gives you all you need to know... it documents real people who have real, strange addictions... like the chick who carries the urn with her late husbands ashes in it, everywhere she goes.  Oh, and she likes to eat the ashes by licking her finger, sticking it in the urn, and licking them again.

Eating is a big deal... there's the chick who drinks bleach... and the chick who eats foam cushions... and the chick who is addicted to eating toilet paper.... and the chick who not only pulls her hair out, but eats the follicles... and the chick who eats dryer sheets.  Lest you think that just the chicks have issues, which they do, there is the guy who likes to eat glass.

And of course, there is the dude who lives his private life as a baby, complete with diaper and giant crib... and the girl who wears a bunny suit everywhere she goes.... the chick who sleeps with her hair dryer... the list goes on.

What a weird show... weird, and yet a fascinating look at the human condition.

#95... Edge Bows Out 
When my best mate Wookiee, Big Tom and myself ventured to Atlanta in April, we witnessed something that you will find ranking high, high on this list, that being WrestleMania.  And in that event, we were able to see a legend wrestle in the opening match, successfully defending his World Heavyweight Title against Alberto del Rio.  The match was decent, nothing to spectacular, but was cool to see the Rated R Superstar, the Ultimate Opportunist, that being Edge himself, take the squared circle.

We didn't know it would be his last match.  Ever.

A week later, the following Monday, I'm at home in The Cabana, watching WWE Raw as I'm known each week, and Edge comes out.  Typically, the guys come out and do a trash-talk routine, or discuss who they are feuding with and so on, maybe even call out someone from the back and do a one-on-one confrontation that always ends in them punching each other and knocking over a table.  However, Edge took a different tone.  He started out discussing the realities of wrestling, the dangers and the real-life toll it takes on people.  He told us about the seriousness of a previous neck injury which resulted in the fusing of his cervical vertebrae, and the numbness he'd been feeling in the last few months.  Then, he told us of the MRI he recently had and how he had, in the last week, been diagnosed with cervical spinal stenosis.  And finally, he said the real-life doctors would now no longer clear him to compete, as an injury to his spine at this point could result in partial- or full-paralysis... or even death.


You think you know me.  Thank you, Edge.

And right there, Edge retired.  Winner of a record 31 championships in his career, and it was all over... and it wasn't like he could come out of retirement and do a match here or there, like Kevin Nash or Booker T, or even do his patented moves randomly, like Shawn Michaels does with his Sweet Chin Music... no, for Edge, its over.  He has made appearances here and there, but knowing that one missed fall, or one single move that didn't go quite right could kill you?  Done.

I tip my hat to Adam Copeland... you haven't always been my favorite, but its been a joy watching you be a heel all these years.

#94... "Fast Five"
What an absolute piece of crap movie.  A piece of crap movie that I love, one that months after I saw it, I pondered on how ridiculously stupid it was... but if ever there was a movie that lined up with the word "Craptacular", then this piece of glorious poop would be it.

I think we will look back in a few years at the crap that has come out, and rank "Fast Five" along side of "Con Air", "The Expendables" and "Armageddon" as the most beloved, improbable crap of our age.  And its a darn sight better than The Rock's other movie this year, "Faster".  Yeesh.

#93... "50/50"
I'm a fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan, but I was still surprised about how good this movie was--and how great Seth Rogan is as Jo-Go-Lev's best buddy, when Jo-Go-Lev's Adam gets cancer and has to learn to deal with it.  And the appearance of Anna Kendrick doesn't hurt in the least.

Here's what I had to say:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in a fair world, would be sniffing an Oscar nomination, at the least a Golden Globe nod, because his performance is awesome.  I love this guy in "Inception", as his character is one of the coolest cats out there, but he tops himself in "50/50".  I enjoy Seth Rogen being goofy in any number of movies, but his semi-serious turn that he couldn't nail in "Funny People" is nailed here.  Bryce Dallas Howard doesn't have a huge role, but does it right, while Anna Kendrick shines as Katherine, just like she does as Natalie in "Up In the Air", a movie which is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites. (note:  "Up in the Air" currently ranks as my 14th favorite film of all time--d$)

Loved this film, one of the best I've seen this year... however, this movie is not for kids, as the language flows pervasive and free flowing, and there is a few uses of the Mary Jane plant... there is one sex scene, though you really don't see anything, and it ends a little different than you would think, almost in a sympathetic fashion.  Its about an hour forty-five or so, maybe a little less, but it is paced really well and honestly, its one of those rare movies that I didn't want to end.

Read the entire review from September 29th by clicking here.

#92... The Aladdin Stage Show
Its no secret that one of my very favorite attractions at Walt Disney World is the "Finding Nemo: The Musical" show at Disney Animal Kingdom.  Being fans of Broadway style shows, "Disney's Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular" was circled on our list of things to do when The Lovely Steph Leann and I went to Disneyland this past May.

Located in California Adventure, it takes place in the 2000 seat Hyperion Theater at the end of Hollywood Boulevard.  The show itself is only similar to "Finding Nemo" in that its a musical stage show, but its great nonetheless.  In the 45 minute show, many of the classic scenes and songs from the movie are recreated onstage, and they even move some of the action into the audience, like Aladdin's arrival in the song "Prince Ali". There are flying carpets, magic lamps, great special effects, a lovely Jasmine, a handsome Aladdin and a convincingly evil Jafar... but the crown jewel of the show, like the movie, is The Genie.  Whether he's like that always, I cannot speak, but in the show we watched, the actor portraying Genie was brilliant.

If you are ever in the area and have a chance to check out Disneyland, or at least California Adventure, make this a must-do.  We loved it.

#91... "Something Borrowed"
Yes, yes, its a total chick flick, and yes, it was blasted by critics, and yes, the heroine of the movie is the chick who actually does the home wrecking and man-stealing in the movie, but you know what?  I liked it.  Sue me.

Coming up:  Getting the Help... Needing a dollar, dollar... and Gods of Thunder... and later, one of the best documentaries of the year is about... a coffee burn?

Dude, I Love This Stuff... Hollywood Week Parts I & II

HOLLYWOOD WEEK PART I

Welcome to Hollywood Week!  The audition rounds are over!  The Hollywood Single Elimination Round is about to begin!  Now, even though I've watched three hours of Idol in like, two days, I'll tell ya that I have no idea who is who and what is what.  If The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she could help me remember, but she's in Pensacola, so we'll figure it out together, eh?

THIS

IS AMERICAN

IDOL

HOLLYWOOD

So, 327 Golden Tickets were given out, and are converging to Hollywood for the chance to chase their dreams.  They cash in the Golden Ticket for a shot onstage, to be told "You are through... to the next round..." or "You are through... and are going home..."

J-Lo and Steven Tyler come into it all smiles, but Randy the Dawg knows better.  "You get ONE shot.  Bring it."

The come out in lines of 10, they will sing acapella and will get no feedback.  They will then be told Yay or Nay.  From New Orleans Auditions, Brett Lowenstern is a ball of nerves, but busts out "Let It Be".   The rest of the line sings, then out of the first 10, three goes through.  Seven go home.

And it begins.

Casey Abrams

Rachel Zevita, from New York, sails through.  Thia Megia gets her second round on.  Casey Abrams gets a quick YES. 

Ten more walk out.  And the Incredibly Annoying Victoria Huggins is up now.  In her little video, she's talking about staying a while, and brought ELEVEN suitcases for the long haul.  And the other girls are looking at her like she's an idiot.  Judgment time comes.  And she doesn't make it.  Yeah, she's pretty annoying, but ya still kinda go "awwwww" when you see her tearing up while hugging her mom. 

We see James Durbin (who, in real time, was seen on a show that was almost a week before this, but in tonight's blogging, I saw fifteen minutes ago) and we see Paris Tassin, who has the little girl with the hearing disability.  Paris belts out Celine's Titanic, and James does "Oh Darlin".  And here comes Stormi Weathers, or whatever her name is, and sings "Why Don't You Stay".   And here is 15 year old Lauren from Georgia, singing, "Unchained Melody".   James steps forward upon hearing his name called.  Lauren steps forward.  Paris steps forward.  Those three continue on, while the back seven, including Stormi, are cut.

Funky Chris Medina, with the disabled girlfriend, probably the most dear and affecting Sob Story I've ever seen on Idol, is up now.  Maybe I don't know if he should win.  Maybe I don't want him to hit the final 24.  I dunno.  But I want to see him get past this round.  Funky Chris Medina steps forward, after singing "You and I Both" from Jason Mraz... and he gets through.  I'm sincerely glad.  Sincerely.

Montage of nerve wrecked auditions, including lost lyrics, shaky hands, thumping heads, and Hollie Cavanaugh, Robbie Rosen and young JC Badeaux, who does "God Bless the Broken Road" (and gets cheers from the chicks in the audience).  Robbie Rosen does something smooth and bluesy, and Hollie manages to get through her little tune too.  All three get through.

Steve Baghun, the boring accountant, comes out in the next line of 10, doing Michael Buble.  He doesn't make it, along with three more.  We see more familiar faces that I barely recognize and won't even remember by midnight tonight that get cut and end up in tears.

One guy is telling us, "Its tough... (through tears)... its really tough... because I have nothing..."  See, if you have nothing and are banking all of your life into a show that offers a very slim chance to give you any future, even if you make it to the second round of auditions, then you need a life plan.   Just sayin'.

Just heard the words "Glee catches Beiber Fever".  Wanna ensure I won't watch Glee this week?  Use those words.

Montage of more forgotten lyrics, botched notes and "OMG... I cannot believe I missed that..."  The contestants backstage get to watch the contestants onstage, and the pressure is mounting.  We now get the chick and the guy who broke up and are auditioning together, and are bunking with Nick and Jackie, who was that lovey dovey couple from a few episodes ago.  Rob, the ex, is singing, "I"m So Lonesome I Could Cry".  Chelsee, the other ex, is singing something else, and I just noticed that they are in the line with the red headed Brett Lowenstern, the first guy in the first line who sang and got through.  Look at y'all, Fox, doing some clever editing.

Nick, the boyfriend, is up now and from the previews, he won't make it, because he begs the judges for another shot.  Jackie, the girlfriend is singing much, much better.  And Nick steps forward with one other guy.  Jackie stays in the back row, name not called.  And Jackie makes it, Nick is cut.  And like the previews, he begs to sing one more time.  Randy the Dawg reiterates, "Like we said, One Shot.  Sorry."  And what does Nick do?  He starts singing in the aisle.  Jackie shakes her head and walks away.  This is like a Lifetime Movie. 

Smashcut to them backstage, both crying.  I'm guessing that Nick is upset that Jackie is not more upset, and while she is upset that her boo ain't making it, she moves on.  And there some joy in that, right?

From Milwaukee, 17 year old Scotty does the song he did in his original audition, this little country ditty that showed his deep voice.  Jackie Wilson, the white country girl, not the 50s soul singer, also does some country, and both make it through. 

So, here comes the chick with the stars on her boobies, in the last line for judging.  Tiffany Something or Other says, "I am tired of seeing people trying to do what I know I can."  The contestants in the audience all look around and look affronted, as they should.  Were I the judges, I'd cut her fast.  Travis Orlando, from Jersey, is the one who has lived in and out of shelters, and I kinda am rooting for him. 

Cut to the judges deciding, J-Lo comments on "What she said makes her not likable".... Travis steps forward.  And misses the cut.  Tiffany makes the cut.  We might have an enemy now. 

Out of 327, 168 of them get another shot.  And the next show?  The Group Round.

HOLLYWOOD PART II

Its Group Round Time!  This is one of my favorite parts of the entire Idol process, because this is where we see all the people who are complete strangers, save for the friendships they might have forged in, you know, the last day or two, try to jel and perform together... some will stand proud and emerge as favorites.  Others will fall apart, clash and one bad contestant can ruin the dreams for several others in two minutes.

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL

The 168 who made it are filed back into the auditorium, are told they must form groups, coordinate the routine and learn their song they chose together... all in one single night.  Some contestants were already forming their own groups and had started working on routines to get ahead of the curve, only to be thrown a slick curveball of their own... all groups have to be a mixture of Day One and Day Two auditioners.  Which means a scramble of groups who split up, calling out "We need a Day Two Boy!" and "Day One Girl?  Anyone?!"

Brutal.

Tiffany Rios

Tiffany Rios, the "I'm tired of seeing people try to do what I know I can do" chick, can't find a group.  No one wants her.  She says, "I actually can join any group I want, but I want to find the right one," but no one wants her at all.  She runs into Deep Voiced Scotty and asks him about his group.  He says, "Sing for me?" and she says, "Sing for you?  Like you are the prize?  You should sing for me..."

The drama continues as groups are swapping, stealing Day One and Day Two contestants from other groups  Even one group ends up audition Day Two contestants to join their foursome of Day Ones... Tiffany gets on the mic to find a group, and no one wants to join them.  Deep Voiced Scotty can't find anyone to join.  And a group called The Sugar Mamas can't find a Day Two.  And time is a'wasting.

Remember... they are all fresh off being told they made it.  Its late, they are already clashing in groups, and some can't find anyone to join.  The night is wearing on, and more time wastes.  They all have to be ready the next day, the next morning in fact, to sing for the judges. 

Dude, I love this stuff.

Tiffany and her partner can't find a third, and have to get the producers to let them slide on having just two in their group.  I forget the name of the chick with her, and I like her, but I'm willing to see this chick fail to have this Tiffany chick bite the dust.

Groups like The Guaps, The Minors, The Hits and more all are desperate to find a place to practice, with some groups being in the mens bathroom, some going to the hallways and still others going to the parking garage. 

Ashley Sullivan

Ashley Sullivan, who is like 24, but looks like a 42 year old Waffle House waitress who smokes, even up and quits, leaving The Hits down a member.  She has a meltdown in front of a producer, and the other girls in her group are being remarkably supportive. 

Deep Voiced Scotty joined The Guaps, and it seems like his addition making it a fifth... and then they ousted 15 year old JC Badeaux, who was part of the original group.  One guy made the decision, the girls kinda wanted to keep him, and JC is now scrambling while looking for a group, tears in his eyes.  That was kinda harsh. 

Jordon Dorsey, who was "auditioning" other people to join his group, looks like he's ready to leave that group.  He joins up with Four Plus One, while the old group gets in sync without Jordon.   230 in the morning.  Overdramatic Ashley tries to rejoin The Hits, but they have been already rehearsing without her. 

Brett Lowenstern is a member of The Sugar Mamas are still down a member, and end up finding Day Two kid JC Badeaux... I'm happy this kid found a group.  Its 3am and some groups turn in to get some sleep.   At 420, other groups continue, like Three's Company, who include exes Rob and Chelsee and Nick-less girlfriend Jackie, and their group is on the verge of a meltdown.

The sun comes up, and the contestants rise after three hours, two hours, one single hour of sleep.  And the groups are try to keep rehearsing into the morning.  Thirty nine groups are going to do their thing for the judges, and the stage looks menacing.  They wait silently in the theater, they are present... but are they ready?  Let's find out.

Dude, I love this stuff.

Steven Tyler and J-Lo give them a pep talk, and Randy the Dawg, speaking from experience, yells out "Don't ever... forget the words!!"

Up now, three chicks that I couldn't pick out of a lineup or tell apart, are up first... and they sound fabulous singing "Grenade".  That was a great way to start out the Group Auditions.  The judges loved it, and looks like they are all going through.  Pressure is off. 

Four Plus One, which includes Jordon Dorsey, who abandoned his group 4-40, looks like they are up next.  4-40 is talking trash about Jordon and Four Plus One.  Might be a gang war brewing.  Four Plus One starts their song.   Remember, the judges aren't seeing all the drama and who did what, and who's character shone and faltered in the previous night, all they see are the results.  As one contestant put it, "The judges don't care if we lost a member and had to start all over, they just want to hear us be good."  And all of Four Plus One makes it through. 

Now, its 4-40, singing "Forget You" by Cee-Lo.  Love this song.  I just heard a lyric get mixed up, so that's not good.  Lauren, who mixed up the lyric, steps forward, as does everyone else, and they all get through.

They keep showing the good songs and good performances, but you know the bad stuff is coming.  And here comes Tiffany Rios and her partner, Jessica Yance, who had to get permission from the producers to just do a duet because they couldn't get anyone to join them.  And it warms my heard to hear Tiffany Rios be completely off key during Beyonce's "Irreplaceable".  Randy the Dawg even stops them from finishing because they were so awful.  And they both get cut.  YAY!!!!!

Members of the group Spanglish have to go retrieve one of their members who was still asleep, and leave the judges waiting.  Its four Hispanic Americans, by the way.  And they all sound terrible.  Two of them make it, two of them don't, including the guy who overslept.

Centerstage brings out four chicks who invite Steven Tyler to come sit onstage in a chair.  They bust out with "Some Kind of Wonderful", and bringing Steven Tyler onstage was a brilliant move--anyone else that tries it will be met with rejection I'm sure.  They leave a room full of contestants wondering "Why didn't we think of that?"  And only one of them make it through.  Cue the song "Cryin" by Aerosmith.

Its 1145 in the morning, and The Nashville Stars take the stage.  They all came from the Nashville auditions, as the five begin to sing.  Some are shining through.  Some are falling apart right in front of our eyes.   One guy, Colton Dixon, makes it though.  The other four are done.

More bad notes, more forgotten lines, more off key melodies, more bad dancing, more J-Lo hanging her head, more Randy the Dawg shaking his head, more Steven Tyler wincing. 

Paris Tassin, with the disabled daughter, gets cut.  More tears from more contestants, including Emily Anne Reed with the cool voice.  And Aaron gets cut while his brother Mark advances.  More breakdowns in the hallway after the news.  Sad.

Dude, I love this stuff.

This Hits take the stage, with Overdramatic Ashley, and begin.  Strangely enough, they are singing "Hit 'Em Up Style", and somehow it kinda works. Even Overdramatic Ashley gets it done, though she seems really out of place.  Randy the Dawg says they are the best harmonized group so far, and they all go through.

James Durbin (L) and Funky Chris Medina (R)

The Minors are getting insight from The Moms--not a new group, but the mothers of the The Minors, and it has to be annoying.  Five moms, five opinions.  First up, though, The Deep Vs, who are singing "Somebody to Love", and The Deep Vs contain James Durbin with the crazy note.  And it didn't go as well as you'd like.  Ryan Seacrest even looks around like "whaaa?"  J-Lo says it sounded like a bad glee club.  James makes it through with one other guy, and three of The Deep Vs go home.

The Moms get to the camera and criticize, then praise their own kids, The Minors, who come up next, also singing "Somebody to Love".  And The Minors end up getting it done, and The Moms are quite happy that "they bay-bays did it right..."  The judges give The Minors a standing ovation, and they all get through.

And honestly... yeah, they were really good.  Really, really good.  I wish The Moms would leave, but The Minors were really great.

Its 4p, and outside the theater, the remaining groups continue to practice.  Three's Company isn't, however, as poor Rob is passed out on the sidewalk.

Back inside, one guy is singing off a little card in his hand, and Randy the Dawg mutters to J-Lo "He's gone".  Another guy in the group looks all over the place while singing, while J-Lo yells, "Look here!" and Hollie Cavanaugh is just all over the place.  But Hollie makes it, as does a guy named Corey. 

The Night Owls come up, featuring Casey Abrams and Julie Zorrillo choose to sing without music, doing "Get Ready" by Smokey and the Miracles.  Julie and Casey make it, the others don't.  Here comes Ebony, Ivory and Emory, also singing "Get Ready", also singing acapella.  This is the group that contains Naida Adepalodpla.  And they all make it through.  Steven Tyler says, "Every bit of it was beautiful."

Up next is Four None Blondes and That Guy, which might be the best name of the night.  Notably, its the group that has Funky Chris Medina, and all practiced in the ladies room all night.  Seeing Carson Higgins, a pasty white surfer dude sing "Forget You", with sass no less, was hilarious.  And awesome.  Out of the five... four of them make it, including Carson and Funky Chris Medina.  The one who didn't make it, Devyn Rush, is upset and is just begging into the camera to get back in the room, and feels like "I don't deserve to go home."  But... she is.

The day is waning, as its 6pm.  More groups are cut, all featuring people that we've never seen and will forget in about five minutes.  But here comes the group that took in JC Badaeux, after he was kicked out of his group in the middle of the night.  Sugar Mama and the Babies come out, singing Duffy's "Mercy", a song that JC had never heard of just 12 hours prior.  And JC forgets his words, and ends up singing the line "I dont wanna go home" right in the middle of the song." 

Randy the Dawg asks what happens, and Sugar Mama and the Babies tells them how JC got kicked out.  And in one of the best moments of the whole doggone show, everyone's name is called, including JC, and they all go through.  JC starts tearing up on stage.  The audience erupts in applause.

Dude, I love this stuff.

Now, its the group that kicked him out.  Randy the Dawg drills them about kicking out JC, eliciting boos from the audience.  Deep Voiced Scotty pipes up and says, "Its my fault for not standing up for him.  He's the best kid in this competition."  So the group starts, led by a guy we formerly liked, Clint from LBC, who was instrumental in kicking out JC.  But, they all make it through.  Deep Voiced Scotty made it, but is tearing up in the hall, saying, "This whole thing with JC... its a bad feeling...."

Exes Rob and Chelsee.  Rob went home, Chelsee stays,
and though she says they will always be friends (all
chicks say that), Rob just walks off.  Seems like it really
is over.

So far, 38 groups have taken the stage and we've seen 67 contestants be given their walking papers.  Last is Three's Company, which you know that Fox has left for performing last to stretch out the drama, and they've succeeded.  Girlfriend Jackie and ex Chelsee are confident, while ex Rob is struggling.  "Forget You" is their little ditty.  Chelsee might just be singing to her ex Rob, while ex Rob can't even get the words out.  Jackie even sings a little uncensored lyric, with a bleep.  Randy the Dawg just stops them midsong.  Ex Rob is going home, while Ex Chelsee and Girlfriend Jackie move on.  Good for Chelsee.  Time to shed the dead weight, honey.

100 contestants are left.  Tomorrow night, its solo night, and half the group will be shed. 

Dude.  I love this stuff.

When Harry Connick Jr Is Behind You On Piano (results included)

Well, here it is... Tuesday night, and time for another (un)exciting recap of another (un)exciting episode on America's most (un)exciting show... no, I'm not talking about Accidentally on Purpose...

THIS IS...

sigh..

...American Idol.  Yeah.

You know how, when you are in junior high or high school, you pick an artist and think, "Ya know, I'm going to become a fan of this artist, mostly because not many people know too much about them, and by me knowing about this artist, owning their albums [re: cassettes], it will make me a bit cooler?"

That was Harry Connick, Jr, for me back in the last 80s, early 90s.  I own like, four of his albums, and they are all good albums, mind you.... and I mention this because Harry Connick Jr is the mentor tonight, with this theme night of "Songs of Frank Sinatra".   My favorite Connick album?  "She", featuring my favorite Connick song, "(I Could Only) Whisper Your Name".



Everyone loves Sinatra.  Seriously.  One of my favorite lines in any movie, ever, was in Ocean's Thirteen, when Danny Ocean is telling Willy Banks, the bad guy, "...you shook Sinatra's hand.  you should know better..."

And The Lovely Steph Leann and I are marveling at the fact that not only is Harry Connick going to mentor, he's also done their arrangements, and will be playing in the band behind their performances... that is just awesome.

Sinatra's daughters, Nancy and Tina, are in the audience.  And someone has had some work done...

AARON KELLY
With Harry Connick Jr on piano, Aaron Kelly sings, "Fly Me to the Moon".  Everything sounds better when HCJ is behind you on piano.

Randy the Dawg says it was a really good performance.  America's Favorite Lesbian jokes that the piano was a little pitchy, but was highly impressed with Aaron's song.  Kara the New Hotness says it was good, but not as good as last week.  Simon the Cowell said the vocals didn't have conviction, but that people like Aaron Kelly, so it might be okay.

CASEY JAMES
With Harry Connick Jr on piano, Casey James sings, "Blue Skies"... well, the word caterwaul comes to mind, because that was not a good opening.  Almost everything sounds better when HCJ is behind you on piano.

After the song, The Lovely Steph Leann looks up at me, then looks back at the TV.  Not a good sign.  Randy the Dawg says it was the worst performance for CJ.  Ellen DeG says that CJ has no swagger and just wasn't cool.  Kara the New Hotness says it took him too long to warm up and get in pitch.  Simon the Cowell says it wasn't great.  And it wasn't.  HCJ says he thought it sang well in rehearsal saying, "You killed it about two hours ago... but that won't help you tonight, I guess..."

CRYSTAL BOWERSOX
Seacrest shows us that Hannibal Lecter is in the audience.  Awesome.  Then he shows off the new Coke Cups for product placement.  Mmm mmm.

With Harry Connick Jr on piano, C'Bosox is singing "Summer Wind", a song that I'm not that familiar with.  C'Bosox says the song is personal to her, but doesn't share, to which HCJ says that is what makes the song so great.

One word to describe C'Bosox tonight... sultry. 

Sultry is a strange word that doesn't get used much... but when it is used, its typically a good thing.  Like tonight.  Everything sounds sultry when HCJ is behind you on piano.

Randy the Dawg says it was a bit subdued and sleepy.  Ellen DeG says it started slow, but loosened up.  Kara the New Hotness liked it.  Simon the Cowell says he loves the song, but wouldn't have chosen this one for her.   C'Bosox defends her performance. 

BIG MIKE
With Harry Connick Jr on piano, Big Mike is singing my favorite Sinatra tune, "The Way You Look Tonight".  Back in the day, I wanted to use this in my proposal... at least, when I thought I would be proposing to someone other than The Lovely Steph Leann. 

Everything sounds better when HCJ is behind you on piano.  Didn't like it, loved it.  It helps that it was this song.

Randy the Dawg loved the arrangement, loved the vocal, loved the performance.  Ellen DeG loved it.  Kara the New Hotness loved it.  Simon the Cowell says its been a tricky night, and the first three performances were just okay, while Big Mike was great.

LEE DEWYZE
My first experience with "That's Life" is in "License to Drive", when the drunk guy is singing the song, driving Les' Grandpa's Caddy, the one that he wasn't supposed to take from the garage... the drunk guy steals it, and sings loudly to "That's Life!" as he crashes it.

With Harry Connick Jr on piano, Lee DeWyze is singing "That's Life".  Everything sounds better when HCJ is behind you on piano. 

Randy the Dawg loved it.  Ellen DeG makes a "Harry's organ" joke.  Kara the New Hotness tells him he can win this thing.  Simon the Cowell says what he really liked was Harry's mentoring, and helped Lee show personality and confidence. 

For me, the rundown is... Big Mike... Lee DeWyze... Crystal Bowersox... Aaron Kelly... Casey James

AAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDDD the results...

Harry Connick Jr, probably one of the best mentors I've ever seen on Idol, is awesome.  Amarylis by Morning (up from san antone) has seen him three times, and I'm jealous. 

By the way, check out Entertainment Weekly's list of the Most Awkward Mentoring Moments on Idol... the reminder of Randy Travis meeting and disapproving of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert's version of "Ring of Fire"... and Gwen Stefani's frown on Sanjaya's version of "Bath Water", which incidentally makes Idol's worst performance countdown too.

Once again, we are treated to a performance by Lady Gaga (is it GaGa?) later tonight, which I'm sure we'll fast forward through... I said before that I have never heard a Gaga tune, and someone corrected me by saying "you commented on her when she performed on Idol" last season.  Tis true, but I remember nothing about it.  In fact, I remember her gawd awful outfit. 

Fast Forward through the Idol's medley of Sinatra standards (says The Lovely Steph Leann:  We don't need a medley of nothing)

Fast Forward through commercials

Fast Forward through Ford commercial

We get a montage of the Idols and their typical week at rehearsals and such... I don't fast forward because I am getting the above links for the EW lists, and end up watching the montage, which is kinda fun.

Alright, folks... dim the lights.  Someone in the audience went "Awwww...."

Lee DeWyze stands up and is directed to the middle of the stage.  They spend a lot of time discussing Lee's performance last night, with Simon telling him "its the first time that you looked like you believed that you could win."  Either way, Lee is safe, and headed over to the Silver Stools of Security.

Fast forward through commercials

Truly, I can't be the only person not excited for Shrek: Forever After... well, actually, I think it was called "Shrek Goes Fourth", but they changed it... and I've seen it called "Forever After" and "The Final Chapter".  Either way, I call it $11.75 I'm going to save for "Ironman 2".

By the way, Lady Gaga actually taped her performance several weeks ago.  All that we are seeing onstage actually happened in April.  The audience you hear is that night's audience, and they just show the tape to the current audience.

In my typing, I actually hear a Lady Gaga song.  It's not bad, as long as I don't actually look at her.  The name of the song is "Alejandro", and I have no idea what it means.  She's wearing fishnets.  All over her body.  Including her face.

Alright, enough Gaga.

Fast Forward through the back hallf of Lady Gaga's song

Fast Forward through commercials

Cracking up at Harry Connick Jr's mentoring process... he seems like a hilariously funny guy. 

Not Fast Forwarding through Harry Connick Jr.  I hope I don't have a mancrush on this guy.  The Rock is enough for me.

By the way, scanning Facebook, there are about fifty chicks I know that are drooling over themselves because of HCJ.  Like The Lovely Steph Leann.

Fast Forward through Idolites singing HCJ songs

Harry Connick Jr is relaying a story about when he met Frank Sinatra back in the day.  He mentions his wife Jill Goodacre, who I know from the Season 2 episode of "Friends" when Chandler Bing is stuck in an ATM vestible with Jill Goodacre... now, say the words "I'm stuck in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre", but say it with your lips almost closed.   "Gum... would be perfection".  Man that was funny.

Dim the lights!  Crystal Bowersox stands up, and after the vote, she is going to the far side of the stage by the piano.  Big Mike stands, and is sent to the near side of the stage.  Casey James goes to the far side with C'Bosox, and Aaron Kelly joins Big Mike on the closer side. 

Lee is asked to join one of the groups, and he refused.  Seacrest relents, and announces that Big Mike and Aaron Kelly are the Bottom Two. 

And after the nationwide vote, Aaron Kelly goes home.  Big Mike is in the top four.

I've been saying this for weeks and weeks... Casey James vs. Lee DeWyze in the Finals.  I think Big Mike is third, and I predict that Crystal Bowersox goes home NEXT WEEK.  Not that she deserves to, but thats the kind of Idol season we got going on.  You heard it here.

Discussing Diddy, Didi and Yogurt Mountain

To read the latest Idol recap, scroll down or click here

To read "Chirp", a piece of which I'm quite proud of and hope doesn't get buried and unread, scroll down farther or click here

We headed to dinner late tonight... out of our choices for dinner--Baha Burger, Chipotle, Dale's, Purple Onion, Jason's Deli, of which I didn't really want to go--we chose Baha.  We got there at 7:53.  They close at 8p, and we felt pretty bad walking in wanting food with five minutes to go.  So we walked next door to Pablo's Mexican.  Let me just say, it was fantastic...

My three rules of Mexican restaurants:
1) Keep the tea coming
2) Bring my sour cream out with my meal, not a few minutes after
3) Read rules 1 and 2 and follow them.

Our guy was great, filling our tea when it was barely at the half point full, and the sour cream was out with the food.  Awesome.  And while we were in there, we saw half of Idol, the half that saw Katie Stevens join the Bottom Three.  As Katie walked to the Silver Stools of Shame, we left, full and happy.

Full, yes.  Done, no.  We then went to this fairly new place that I like to call Build-A-Waist.  Otherwise known as Yogurt Mountain, where there are over a dozen kinds of frozen yogurt (I went with cheesecake, she with strawberry cheesecake), and at least 30 toppings (I went with coconut, peanut butter chips, cheesecake bites and graham crackers).  You fill up your cup and then pay by how much you have in there, at a rate of 45 cents an ounce. 

And now, full, overly full and happy, we return to The Cabana.

And here's some Idol chatter...

Fast forward through the recap, through Ruben Studdard singing, through the Ford promo, through the Clash of the Titans promo, through what seems like 15 sets of commercials... seriously, why is this show an hour long?  This can be knocked out in 30 minutes easy, even with a few promos and a performance.

They are killing so much time, talking to each contestant, talking to the judges about each contestant, droning on and on about nothing.

Fast forward through a Justin Bieber sighting--who is this kid, anyway?--and an Usher performance

Fast forward through another set of commercials

Safe so far tonight?  Lee Dewyze, Casey James, Siobhan Magnus, Aaron Kelly.

Didi Benami stands up and I call it--Didi taking a walk to the Silver Stools of Shame.  Now, Big Mike stands up.  Seacrest fakes Big Mike out by saying, "This is surprising, Mike would you walk over here, please..."  And amidst looks of shock, Big Mike walks.  Seacrest stops him, gives him a handshake and says, "You are safe."  Then Big Mike proceeds to yank Seacrest off of the floor, high in mid-air. 

C'Bosox stands.  She's safe.  Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban stand up.  Andrew is safe, Tim Urban joins Katie Stevens and Didi Benami on the Silver Stools of Shame... Seacrest sends one of them back to safety... and it's (please Didi... please Didi... please Didi...) Katie.  The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "SUCK IT!" in frustration.

I'm afraid Didi Benami is going home tonight. 

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through Diddy Dirty Money

This exchange:

The Lovely Steph Leann: Who?
Me: Diddy Dirty Money
The Lovely Steph Leann: Who?
Me: It's Diddy.  You know, Puff Daddy?
The Lovely Steph Leann: Like, Sean Combs?
Me: Yeah.  He's Diddy, and I guess his group is Dirty Money.  I dunno
The Lovely Steph Leann: That's a stupid name

Fast forward through more commercials

My thought is that the only way the judges would use the Save tonight would be for Crystal Bowersox, Siobhan Magnus or now, Lee Dewyze.  And because Tim Urban nor Didi Behami's names are Crystal, Siobhan or Lee, there's no chance.

And I was right.  Didi Benami is gone.

I thought the Idol season was on an upswing.  I thought perhaps, after last night's show, with Usher, maybe, just maybe we were seeing things on the rise.  People were starting to step it up, we were getting rid of the chaff... and now this? 

This show sucks.

"I Don't Know What America Wants to Hear"

We went to The Most Magical Place on Earth last weekend.  I'll do my best to discuss that later, but while we were gone, I had the DVR set to record the following:  Survivor.  The Amazing Race.  The Academy Awards (though I had forgotten to actually set it for the Oscars and had only gotten the pre-show).  WWE: Raw.  And the boys & girls performance shows of American Idol.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I got back late, late Wednesday night, a little after midnight, so after unpacking, we went on to bed.  We both had to be at work the next morning, with me beginning what I called a "Work Gauntlet"... that being The Happiest Place in the Mall on Thursday, Starbucks on Thursday night, back at Starbucks at 6am on Friday morning, a quick lunch then off to The Happiest Place in the Mall on Friday night, then back again at The Happiest Place in the Mall on Saturday.  Its hard to complain about anything when you get back from vacation, I recognize there are people with real problems in the world, but seriously, I was just flat out tired. 

We were able to meet up with St'ray and C'ray for dinner last night (Saturday), and I was able to watch Survivor finally.  This morning was church, and The Lovely Steph Leann and I took in "Alice in Wonderland" (review later) and then was able to relax this evening.  I haven't had a chance to zip through the rest of the shows, though I may or may not get to WWE: Raw.  I just deleted the Oscars pre-show, since I missed the actual show itself.  I'm two episodes behind on The Amazing Race, but will get there eventually.

That leaves American Idol. 

I had every intention on watching all episodes, even if and when I found out who was kicked off.  I went to EW.com on Friday, figuring I was tuning into the demise of Paige Miles, perhaps Lacey Brown, maybe even Katie Stevens, probably Todrick Hall and if we're lucky, Aaron Kelly.   Todrick was right on... but...

Katelyn Epperly?  Lilly Scott?  The Mulleted One, Alex "I'm Not Adam" Lambert?   For shame, America, absolute for shame.  At least He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected gave out false hope and promises to get votes... Aaron Kelly gave nothing.

This might be the worst season of American Idol ever.  EVER.  EEEEHHH--VVEERRR.

I turn it over to the great writing of Michael Slezak, on Entertainment Weekly's interweb site... this is his recap, which is enough for me.  I'm going to now delete all American Idol episodes so I don't have to watch Lilly Scott or Katelyn Epperly disappear...

Slezak writes:

Outrage. It's as integral to the process of enjoying American Idol as seeing Simon Cowell's insuppressible smile during a genuinely good audition, or rewinding your DVR after a performance by some heretofore anonymous kid who just gave you goosebumps all the way to your spleen.


Indeed, Idol's eight-season history is littered with unspeakable horrors that drove us to scream at our televisions and insist to anyone who'd listen: ''I'm done with this show! Never watching again!'' My stomach clenches even now thinking about Jasmine Trias over Jennifer Hudson, Haley Scarnato over Sabrina Sloan (maybe that's just me?), Sanjaya Malakar and Scott Savol over, well, pretty much anyone ever. But like I said, outrage is part of the process, imperative to create the ebbs and flows and emotional crescendos of American Idol the TV Show, even if it's our least favorite byproduct of the relentless search for the next Kris Allen or Adam Lambert or Allison Iraheta.

So you'd think by season 9 — during the inconsequential semifinals, no less — it would be easy to brush off the bad judgment of speed-texting tweens, to process the way-too-early exits of Lilly Scott, Katelyn Epperly, and Alex Lambert (plus the sort-of-maybe-too-early ouster of Todrick Hall), and move on. Once upon a time, we survived Daughtry's fourth-place finish, so why do the ritual killings of the dreams of four indisputably flawed semifinalists feel like they're part of something bigger, a shifting of the tectonic plates at the core of the Idol universe?

Maybe it's this: In the course of 21 episodes, we've endured the sadistic pillorying of Angela Martin, we've swallowed our disgust at the sight of Kara's rogue left shoulder rubbing hungrily up and down Simon's torso, we've witnessed precious few performances that would hold up to the Kelly Clarksons and Melinda Doolittles of Idol seasons past — let alone the Mandisas and Michael Johnses. And in the background all this time, we've heard the steady, approaching war drums of The X-Factor.

Which is why, for the past few weeks, we've looked to a ragtag group of 24 singers to reassure us that Idol's still got a little life in it yet. We wanted them to assure us that it's not yet time to leap off this carnival ride, shrug our shoulders, and shout ''Thanks for the memories!'' as we run full-tilt toward that monster rollercoaster the British guy with the deep V and the sunburned chest is erecting on the other side of the fairground. (Sorry, that was a lot of sentence.)

And that's precisely why each abysmal voting result tonight stung so badly.

Katie Stevens getting more votes than Lilly Scott didn't just mean that we'd lost the chrome-haired chick who experienced pitch problems Tuesday night on Patsy Cline's ''I Fall to Pieces.'' No, it meant we'd had the gift of surprise ripped out of our hands, and replaced by a three-pack of department store socks wrapped in ruffled, off-the-shoulder, hot-pink wrapping paper.

Aaron Kelly outlasting Alex Lambert was demoralizing not just because the latter teenager was so shattered during his exit performance that he resembled an expendable crew member about to get devoured by a space creature in a bad sci-fi movie. It was demoralizing because we'd lost the most distinctive male voice in the competition — one that with a little nurturing had the potential to be something special — and now all we're left with is a kid who'll offer semi-competent covers of Rascal Flatts and Lonestar and Garth Brooks till he eventually goes home in ninth place.


And Katelyn Epperly going home before Paige Miles? Do I need to dig between the couch cushions for an outlandish metaphor to prove the point of how freakin' wrong that is? No, I do not. Not if you heard Paige earlier this week channeling a car-battery jump-start to the tune of Charlie Chaplin's ''Smile.''

Heck, on some level, I'm even gonna miss the histrionic gymnast-dancer who sullied the world's favorite Kelly Clarkson tune in the most peculiar way. I mean, it's not like Todrick Hall had (brace for Randy-ism in 5, 4, 3 ,2...) a million-billion in one chance of taking home the season 9 crown, but wouldn't it have been more fun to spend a couple extra weeks with the guy who takes his coloring book and turns it into a papier-mäché sculpture than someone like Tim Urban, who's going to bore you to tears filling in the outlines of better artists with his pale, insipid colors?

Of course, the notion that bad things were about to happen was telegraphed right from the show's opening seconds. Please tell me I'm not the only Idoloonie out there who found himself deeply perturbed by the dated, red font the producers used to blast words like ''tonight,'' and ''Top 12 revealed'' and ''coveted spot'' across our screens. And then, of course, there was the fact that a crying Katie Stevens was the last image flashed on the screen before the cameras cut to Ryan telling us ''we could be in for a surprise or two.''

Katelyn was the first to walk the plank last night. And somehow, when it came down to the shaggy haired blonde standing next to the ''Smile'' killer, Simon declared that ''the one with the most potential is Paige,'' thereby continuing the fascinating mythology that Ms. Miles is some kind of powerhouse vocalist who saves her 'A' game for those special times when her mic pack is switched off and there isn't a camera within 100 yards of her. Memo to Paige: Survivor is the reality show where you win $1 million by hiding your gifts and ''flying under the radar'' in the early parts of the game.

It must be said, though, that Katelyn's sing-out to Carole King's ''I Feel the Earth Move'' was a vast improvement over her stilted Tuesday night rendition. Katelyn took a lot more chances vocally — twisting the melody till it resembled an origami swan that took flight.

The night's second elimination could've been a lot more suspenseful had Ryan put Aaron and Todrick in the ''one stays, one goes'' positions — and if Todrick hadn't chosen to wear hideous fingerless gloves for the second consecutive night. Did the dude learn nothing from Michelle Delamor and Jermaine Sellers last week?


Elimination No. 3 contained material that was unsuitable for young viewers, viewers with actual human-like emotions, viewers who enjoy good singing, and pretty much every other subset of our species with the possible exception of Heidi Montag and her new psychic manager. (God, please don't smite my brain area for housing such hideous information.)

And that's why I don't want to talk about seeing He Who Might Have Had an Actual Chance to Crack the Top Three If He'd Cut His Mullet and Learned to Confidently Phrase a Song standing next to He Who Has Been Defined by His Cover of an Awesome Paula Abdul Track. I had already suspected Andrew was gonna be safe, since Ryan had previously chatted him up about what he had to say to his fallen comrades. (''I love them and I'm glad I met them''? Kinda sounds like a tepid yearbook autograph, no?) But, oh, really...no...no...no. I am not ready to be done with Alex and his bad Russian figure-skater hair. The two of 'em (Alex and his hair, along with Katelyn and Lilly) have an open invitation to appear on Idolatry whenever they are next in New York City*. I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE, OKAY? Because I can't bear to see Alex crying. And I can't bear to see Siobhan crying about Alex crying. Let's thank our lucky stars that Fox chose not to air slo-mo replays of whatever occurred during what Ryan called an intensely emotional ad break.

(*Offer does not include major holidays, airport layovers lasting less than one hour, nights when I have an Idol TV Watch recap due, or any time period where Matt Giraud is stopping by to perform Allison Iraheta's ''Scars.'' Standard text-messaging rates apply. Diet Dr. Pepper is on me. And I'm gonna expect you cats to sing. Jermaine Purifory, Tasha Layton, Jesse Langseth, Leneshe Young, Tami Gosnell, and Mishavonna Henson, this invitation also applies to you.)

And now I am going to slide myself back into a deep funk by returning the topic to Lilly's ouster. Kara's assessment that the juxtaposition of Lilly vs. Katie was ''very interesting'' was perhaps only slightly less phony than when she told Ryan earlier in the week that she had nothing to do with the offensive proximity of hers and Simon's chairs. I mean, come ON! Kara writes and produces hit records for a living; she has to know that Katie Stevens is the next Jasmine Murray, destined to be that name you'll Google search in two years when some misguided season 11 contestant decides it's a good idea to cover ''Put Your Records On.''


But since Kara didn't have the guts to speaketh the truth, Lilly did it herself. ''I thought I did really well. I really gave it my all,'' she said, clearly flummoxed by her swift and sudden downfall. ''I don't know what America wants to hear.'' Was Lilly response perhaps a tad cocksure? Um, yeah. I mean, it's Idol, and everybody's supposed to put up a facade of false modesty and wonderment — lest they lose a vote or two from easily offended audience members. But I have to give Lilly props for going out with her head held high, her feathers in her ears, and her own sense of Idol outrage as prominent as the zig-zags on her most curious tights.

Finally, a few random notations and observations...

A Memo to Simon and Kara: It is not your job to create an ''Idol moment.'' That's for the contestants. Stop frakkin touching each other.

A Memo to Ellen: Your hugs have consequences. For every bit of praise you lavish on Tim Urban for not totally tanking on ''Hallelujah,'' there is a counterbalance. Hopefully you learned that when you saw the devastated face of Mushy Banana tonight. Bottom line: Not everyone gets a gold star.

A Memo to Big Mike: Glad-handing your fellow contestants for the duration of the already interminable group numbers only adds to the discomfort and disgust the audience is feeling. You have a newborn baby, sir, but this does not make you the father figure to the top 12 contestants and/or the entire home viewing audience. Thank you.

A Memo to Lacey Brown: Wait. What kind of artist do you want to be again? ''I like to sing songs that evoke emotions.'' Ohhhh. Okay, thanks. I can't wait to buy that masterpiece.

A Memo to the Group Performance Choreographer: Your journey ends tonight.

A Note About the Scott MacIntyre and Matt Giraud Duet: In cooking terms, Matt threw it down on the grill; Scott gently nudged it onto the dorm-room hot plate. Methinks Matt deserves a followup invite to return to the Idol stage (and not have to share it with anybody) later this season.

And finally...A Memo to the Crystal Bowersox: We feel your pain, MamaSox, and we hope that by next week, you'll find the will to smile again, to enjoy the journey for however long this wacky nation of music lovers will allow. Because, honestly, we need you in this competition. We need you to give Siobhan a hug. We need you to keep up the jaunty repartee with Seacrest. And we need you to give guitar lessons to some of the doods.

p.s. We could read your lips after Katelyn got the axe, and we 100 percent agree with you. ''This is f----- up.'' Yep, it is. But keep on carrying on.