The Bad Career of a Good Katherine Heigl

So, we have the movie channels on our Dish Network satellite system, and though the legendary channels like HBO and Showtime are there, we have to say that we do enjoy the Starz Channels and now the somewhat new Epix Channels, as both are full of movies that only recently were in theaters.

We've DVR'd no less that 10 films that were out in theaters a year ago or sooner, and have been watching them night by night... in fact, when our promotional price runs out in February, I'm pretty sure we'll still pay for them, cause they rule.

One of the movies we ended up watching was a little film called "Life As We Know It", starring Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl.   Set in Atlanta, they play Messer and Holly, respectively, and are set up on a blind date by their besties Peter and Allison.  Things go from bad to worse as Messer and Holly despise each other from the get-go.  And things then go even further south when Peter and Allison are killed in an accident.  Well, imagine Messer and Holly's surprise when they find out that Peter and Allison's one year old daughter, Sophie, has been left to the two of them in the form of guardianship.

Oh, look... its the poop on the face joke.  Never seen that.  Original.

And, you can imagine what happens next... they hate each other, but are forced to live together to take care of Sophie, but end up somehow getting along after a while and, well, guess what, they share a bed and decide they just love each other now.  Perhaps I just gave away the ending of the film, but seriously, you had to know where this was going.

My problem with this film is the actual entire premise itself.

Let's say that The Lovely Steph Leann spits out a girl in December, which seems to be the going consensus around my circle of people.   So, a year later, we are at Epcot and the top row of Soarin' collapses--because we refuse to ride anything other than the top row--and we both die, leaving Lorelei Addison parentless.

Well, during that year between our child's birth and our own untimely death, we decided that, should we die, we wanted our friends Marky Mark and his wife Cindy Jo to become guardians of our dear offspring.  In my mind, and this is just me being crazy, this is a conversation we would have had with Marky Mark and Cindy Jo perhaps over dinner, or worst case, a random Wednesday night conversation at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship).  "Hey Warners, would you guys mind at all taking care of our precious daughter in case we, you know, bite it sometime soon?" giving them a chance to talk about it, maybe even say no.

So neither Peter, best friends with Messer, nor Allison, a BFF to Holly, had the foresight to tell their best friends, who incidentally don't even like each other that, upon their own deaths, their kid would become the besties responsibilty?  Who the crack does that?!?

Now, I've watched movies before with glaring problems right from the get-go, and many times, a good story will make for an excellent film, or at least a decent enough film to overcome such issues.  "Life as We Know It" has no such luck.  Its a terrible movie.  A terrible movie.  Its badly written, its badly acted, its even badly edited, something that I usually don't bring up.

Case in point... there is a scene where Messer, who is an Atlanta Hawks NBA broadcast TV producer, is forced to take the baby to work.  The first half of the game when Hawks are playing the New Orleans Hornets goes well enough.  Hilarity and baby hijinks ensue at halftime, and someway, somehow, the Hawks end up playing the Miami Heat the second half.  Good job, "Life As We Know It" edit guys.

Which brings us to the overall subject of Katherine Heigl.  I like Kate Heigl, I always have.  She's fun and she's cute and she does have at least some talent, as I loved Dr. Izzie Stevens on "Grey's Anatomy".  In her younger days, she was fun to watch in a movie, like the kid in "My Father the Hero", and Steven Seagal's niece in "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory", and even as Jade in "Bride of Chucky".  No problem there, right?

I never saw "Roswell", but I've heard the entire cast was great, include Kate Heigl.   But lately, she's like the Ted McGinley of movies... she starred in "The Ugly Truth" with Gerard Butler, which was three shades of awful (Gerard Butler's career is another that can be classified as "overrated")... she did "27 Dresses" which I only saw part of, leaving me with the desire to never see the rest of it.  She was also with Ashton Kutcher in "Killers" which was not necessarily a bad movie... but it wasn't a very good movie either.

I like Kate.  And in the right goofy role, I kinda like Ashton.  This film
should have been better.  Wait, it was.  It was called "Knight and Day".

Here's my take on "Killers"... if you go to the welfare line, and with Obama's taxes many of you will, and ask for your butter and cheese, they will hand you the gub'mint butter and the gub'mint cheese... if you ask for Transformers, they'll hand you Go-Bots.  If you ask for a copy of "Knight and Day", they'll give you a copy of "Killers".  Take that as you will.  Heck, I like Katie Heigl better than Cammy Diaz, but "Knight and Day" is a far superior film that only gets better on subsequent viewings.

She's also got the misfortune in being a part of what is known as the "Movie That Made The Least Amount Of Money, Like Ever, at Theaters to the Tune of $30," a film called "Zyzzyz Road".  That's another story, a great one, you can read at Entertainment Weekly, but lets just say, not a good time had by all.  Or some.  Or anyone, from what I can gather.

In fact, Katie's best film, in my (un)humble opinion, was "Knocked Up", one of Judd Apatow's first movies and a somewhat over-the-line hilarious comedy about two people that hate each other, yet have a child together (sounds familiar?  "Knocked Up" does it right, where as "Life As We Know It"...) and even though its the best film she's had, its the one she denounces.

Look, I like Katherine Heigl.  I want to see her do well, I want her to see her in better films, and perhaps its only her script choices... there is hope on the horizon, though, as she's playing the title role of Stephanie Plum in the "One for the Money" adaptation, based on the Janet Evanovich books.

Kate, if you read this, please choose scripts better.  Because Katherine Heigl's movie Life As We Know It needs some work.

The Summer of Blogging Day Sixty Two

The 2008 Oscar Running Diary

The Oscars have begun with a cool little animated montage with references to about 100 films or more… and since it actually started at 730pm our time, and its actually 930pm our time… we’ll start from 930pm.

930pm… Jon Stewart is introduced as the host of the 80th Annual Academy Awards. I remain one of about 4 people in the world that doesn’t think he or the Daily Show is actually funny (mostly because its so inaccurate as “news”, which it never claims to be yet enjoys its status as a newscast)

933pm… Jon makes a few funny remarks, though.
--“’Away From Her’, a remarkable movie about a woman trying to forget her husband. Hillary Clinton called it the ‘feel good movie of the year’”
--“’Norbit’ got a nomination… too often, the Academy ignores movies that aren’t good”

935pm… Ah, there he goes. Political jokes. Its funny, he discusses issues and positions, then nudges a vote for Democrats. Somebody please tell me what Obama has done? Ever? Ever?

937pm… Here comes the awards! Jennifer Garner is up to present the first Oscar, that being the Costume award. I went with Atonement… and the winner is… Elizabeth: The Golden Age. It’s a two point category, and Stephanie and Nikki get it. Ashley, me and Mikey – Zero.

940pm… George Clooney is up now, looking debonair as always, to introduce a montage over the last 80 years of Academy Awards. I always think the montages are fun, honestly…

945pm… Anne Hathaway is joined by Steve Carrell. Anne has a total strangeness in dress. And for the 2nd award, it’s the Animated Feature category. Jon Stewart = not really funny. Steve Carrell = totally freakin’ funny.

948pm… I went with Ratatouille. And the winner is… Ratatouille! I’m 1 for 2 tonight, and pick up the 3 points. So does everyone else. Nikki & Stephanie are at 5 points, while Mikey, Ashley & myself are at 3 points. Brad Bird is Ratatouille’s director, and has a great speech.

950pm… Katherine Heigl is here for the makeup award, which is ironic because she does have a little bit too much rouge on. This is the movie Norbit was nominated for… but I went with Pirates 3. And the winner is… La Vie An Rose. Curse it all. One point goes to Mikey, which puts him at 4. I didn’t realize this was the Marion Cotillard movie, otherwise I would have gone with it… shucks.

953pm… The first of the five songs are up now, this one being “Happy Working Song” from Enchanted, one of the Top Ten Coolest Things of 2007. And Amy Adams, aka Total Hotness, is singing it! The Lovely Steph Leann has a grin the size of a Buick right now. This grin is nothing to what will be going on that lovely face when Amy Adams throws down to “That’s How You Know”.

958pm… The Rock is in the house! The People’s Champion! Yes, yes, mancrush. Shut up. Here comes the Visual Effects Award. I picked Transformers. And the winner is… The Golden Compass. And Nikki gets it… one point awarded, Nikki 6, Steph 5, Mikey 4, d$ and Ashleynipp have 3. My solace is that the movie made about 57 dollars at the box office, and half of that was popcorn.

10pm… Cate Blanchett is up for Art Direction. She’s one of those that sometimes, like tonight, can look totally gorgeous… and other times looks hideous. I chose There Will Be Blood in this one. The winner is Sweeney Todd. I am absolutely sucking wind tonight… just terrible. Steph Leann, Mikey and Ashleynipp get it, putting me in dead last. Nikki & Steph 6, Mikey 5, Ashleynipp 4, me 3.

1003pm… An Acting Award, one of the big ones, a four point category. They are replaying the Cuba Gooding Jr win for Jerry Maguire in 1997, which was absolutely awesome. Tonight? I picked Javier Bardem for “No Country for Old Men”. His role of Anton Chigurh was amazing. Personally? I’m rooting for Hal Holbrook, just because it was would be so cool to see him win one at 80 years old. The winner is? Javier Bardem. Four points for me, Steph Leann and Mikey. Steph has 9, Mikey has 8, I have 7, Nikki has 6, Ashleynipp has 4.

1013pm... Keri Russell appears, looking very elegant. Never thought she was all that good looking, but she does look classy tonight. This song she’s introducing is from “August Rush”, a little film that I’ve never seen, and most of you probably won’t see either.

1017pm… Owen Wilson, Academy Award nominee (for what?), is here for the Short Film category. I have no idea what I picked, Steph Leann has the ballots. The winner is The Mozart of Pickpockets. I didn’t pick that, I’m sure. Steph Leann gets it right… one more point for her. She now has 10 points overall. This guy who won the Oscar is talking, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to talk or cough something up, with his accent so thick.

1020pm… The Short Animated Film category is up, and I picked I Met The Walrus, whatever that’s about. The Oscar goes to Peter and the Wolf, which looked pretty awesome from the clip they showed. No one gets it right.

1024pm… Supporting Actress award, presented by last year’s supporting actor winner, Alan Arkin. This is a four point category, and I went with sentimental favorite Ruby Dee, from “American Gangster”. And the winner is… Tilda Swinton for “Michael Clayton”. I actually didn’t see that one coming, and Nikki takes the four points. Nikki and Steph Leann are tied at 10, Mikey has 8, I still have 7 and Ashleynipp has 4. Tilda looks terrible. I accidentally saw her nude in a film once, and it hurt my eyes. I turned the channel quickly.

1030pm… The teaser says “Stay tuned for Jessica Alba!” to which Steph Leann says “Jessica Alba will never be taken seriously again. Like she ever was. She hasn’t made a good movie in like, forever.” Jessica Alba is out to present the Scientific Technical Awards. We fast forwarded.

1032pm… Josh Brolin and James McAvoy are out together to present another award, this one being Adapted Screenplay. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. The winner is “No Country”! Its 4 points, and Steph Leann goes to 14, Mikey goes to 12, I have 11, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp has 8.

1039pm… “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted is being played, being sung by Kristen Chenoweth. Steph Leann’s grin went from really, really big to sort of a smile, now that Amy Adams isn’t singing it. Though she still has the head bobbing. Of course, if you are going to replace Amy Adams with anyone for this song, you can do a lot worse than Kristen Chenoweth.

1044pm… Dame Judi Dench and Dame Halle Berry are coming out and… oh wait, this is Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan. This is even better. And they are pretty funny… anyway, the award is for Sound Editing, and I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. And it wins! Another point for me! Steph Leann is at 15, Mikey stays at 12, I tie at 12, Nikki has 10 and Ashleynipp has 8 still.

1047pm… Seth and Jonah are still at it. The award is for Sound Mixing, and I went with Transformers, just cause I’d really like it to get something. And the winner is… The Bourne Ultimatum again. Stupid me… I should have picked this for both of these Sound awards. No one gets it this time around.

1051pm… The Best Actress Award is up next, the first 5 point category. I went with Julie Christie, only because she got tons of praise for this role… not that I have seen it, or will probably see “Away from Her”. I would give up the entire Oscar contest to see Laura Linney win an Oscar, though…. I luv luv luv Laura Linney’s acting. And the Oscar goes to Marion Cotillard, a heavy favorite… and no one picked her. Stupid foreigners gettin’ our awards. It was cute, though, with her walking off stage crying.

1059pm… Colin Farrell walks out, and almost slipped. He’s here to introduce the 4th nominated song from the little seen Irish film “Once”, it’s the song “Falling Slowly”. The song starts, I ask Steph Leann if I can fast forward, she looks at me funny with a “no”. So we listen to “Falling Slowly”. The might want to put the word “asleep” in the middle of the title.

1102pm… Jack Nicholson comes out… always a good time. Just hearing him talk cracks me up. He’s here to introduce the montage of “Best Pictures”.

1107pm… Either Renee Zellweger or Jewel just came out, I can’t tell. Though I think they might be the same person. Here’s the Film Editing Award, which I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. I got another one! Personally, The Bourne Ultimatum could have been a Best Picture nominee. Scorecard: Steph Leann 15, d$ 13, Mikey 12, Nikki 10 and Ashleynipp has 9.

1110pm… Jon Stewart: “Film editing… someone just took the lead in the Oscar pool based on a guess.” Yep.

1110pm… Nicole Kidman is out now. I used to be so into Nicole Kidman, though she’s kind of falling out for me. She’s still pretty, but I lean Kate Winslet now. This is some sort of Lifetime Achievement Award for an art director, one who’s 98. Robert Boyle gets an Honorary Oscar, and a standing ovation. It is cool, however, that they award someone who’s not an actor nor a director.

1118pm… Steve Guttenberg is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Just sayin’.

1119pm… Penelope Cruz comes out to present another award. The Foreign Flick Prize. I think I picked the Polish film, Katlyn. The Counterfeiters from Austria gets it. Steph Leann picks it up, as does Mikey. Steph gets to 17 points, while Mikey goes to 14.

1122pm… A member of Steph’s “Colin Firth Club”, Patrick Dempsey comes out to introduce “So Close”, also from Enchanted. Luckily, Steph Leann allows me to fast forward through it.

1124pm… John Travolta, who should have gotten a nod in the makeup category for “Hairspray”, is giving out Original Song. Travolta’s face is heavily made up, and looks plastic. I picked “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted. The winner? “Falling Slowly” from “Once”. I wonder if Enchanted canceled each other out. Steph Leann is unhappy, calling the people who did win it “Losers”. The three points goes to Mikey, who now tied Steph Leann at 17. I’m at 13, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp still has 9.

1128pm… Me: If “Its Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can beat Bono for best song, then anything can happen in this category.

1130pm… Jon Stewart brings out the chick from the duo that just won best song. The guy got to talk, but the music cut them off, so Jon got her out to say her thank-you’s. That was actually kinda cool.

1131pm… Cameron Diaz comes out… remember what I said about Cate Blanchett? Yep. Cameron too. Our award now is Cinematography, and I went with There Will Be Blood. A 2 point category, its important to stay up with the leaders. And the winners are… There Will Be Blood! My total runs to 15, and Nikki finally gets up to 12! Mikey takes the lead at 19, Steph Leann is still at 17, and Ashleynipp breaks double digits with 11 points now.

1134pm… Two time Oscar winner and one time Chad Lowe wife, Hilary Swank! And here’s the legacy montage, and I’m sure a big ovation will be given to Heath Ledger. This one is always kinda sad. Sometimes you get the “I didn’t know that guy died!” reaction. This time it was Dabbs Greer, the old mad in “The Green Mile”. Sadly, we also lost Deborah Kerr. And the loudest reaction is given to Heath Ledger. Strangely, no Brad Renfroe mention.

1139pm… My latest Hollywood crush, Amy Adams, comes out with a “Academy Award nominee” label… it took us a second to remember “Junebug”, which I still haven’t seen. The award for Best Score is being given out. I picked Atonement. Rock! The winner is Atonement! 3 points go to me… and everyone else but Ashleynipp. Mikey has 22, Steph has 20, I have 18, Nikki has 15 and Ashleynipp is at 11.

1143pm… Tom Hanks, a two time winner, is up next, giving out the Documentary Awards, first the Documentary Short Film. Actually, they cut to soldiers in Baghdad, naming the nominees and giving out the award. Great move. I picked Sari’s Mother. Sari’s mom has it going on. You know that Sari. The winner is… Freeheld. Crapola. At least no one else picked it either. Except for Michael. His lead goes to 3 points, now with 23 total. Steph Leann screams “Mikey… you suck!!” And, even better, Freeheld is all about gay marriages. Mikey would get that one right.

1147pm… Tom Hanks now has the Documentary Feature Award. I picked No End in Sight, because an anti-American, anti-military movie is right up Hollywood’s alley. Taxi to the Dark Side, another anti-military film gets the win. Here comes the anti-American speech! Ashleynipp gets the 2 points, bringing her total to 13.

1150pm… “After Gitmo’s atrocities…” says the guy holding the award. That’s right, after four meals per day, prayer rugs, religious freedoms and all, how terrible it must be for these terrorists who want nothing more to blow up and destroy American lives.

1151pm… Harrison Ford walks out in all his stature. Are you pumped for Indy 4? Me too. He’s got the award for Original Screenplay, and its worth 4 points. I picked Juno. Unfortunately, we all picked Juno. Diablo Cody wins for Juno, and even gets a standing ovation. Mikey still leads with 27, Steph has 24, I have 22, Nikki has 19 and Ashleynipp trails with 17.

1156pm… The Best Actor Award is up now, another 5 point category. I think most of us picked Daniel Day-Lewis. Helen Mirren is up to give the award, and I think even though she’s like, 84 years old, she’s remarkably stunning. And she just said the word “cajones”.

12am… Daniel Day-Lewis, predictably, picks up the Oscar. Mikey jumps to an almost insurmountable 32 points, Steph has 29, I have 27, Nikki has 24 and Ashleynipp has 22 still.

1201pm… I think Daniel Day-Lewis is one of those actors that is highly underrated, and that no one mentions when they are talking about ‘Great actors’, but perhaps should. I mean, he doesn’t do a ton of work, but what he does is remarkable… he was the best thing about Gangs of New York, he was apparently great in There Will Be Blood, and he was awesome in Last of the Mohicans.

1204pm… It’s time for the Best Director Award. Last year, Scorsese won it, given to him by Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas. Someone in the room said, “I wonder if George Lucas wants their Oscars” to which, Drew Morris replied, “Yes, but I HAVE BILLIONS!!!” Funniest line of the night.

1206pm… I went with the Coen Brothers for “No Country For Old Men” for this award, and I was right. Another 5 points… for everyone but Nikki. Mikey has 37, Steph has 34, I have 32, Ashleynipp takes over 4th with 27 and Nikki is in danger of a First to Worst finish, still with 22 points.

1208pm… And finally… Denzel Washington comes out for the Best Picture. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. And the final Oscar goes to… “No Country for Old Men”. The final tally of the night? Michael wins it with 42 points, Steph Leann finishes 2nd again with a 39 point total. I end up with 37, Ashleynipp finishes with 27 and Nikki bombs out with 22.

So, that’s your 2008 Academy Awards… Michael is now a 4 time winner, though this one might have an asterisk on it, being over email and with only five participants, as opposed to the usual 12 or more people every year.

Well… I guess we’ll see you on Idol. I’m going to bed now.

Steph Leann (repeating this three times): “Stupid Michael”

The 100 Coolest Things of 2007... 100 to 91

Here's the Intro...

#100... Michelle Carr. She's a lifelong missionary, and leads a blessed, faith filled life that most--including myself--could only dream of. My friend Michelle has one of those kind of lives that, when God calls her home, Jesus will say, simply, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Well done." And that makes her cool in any year.

#99. "The Myth of You and Me" by Leah Stewart. Yeah, its kind of a chick book, or at least, a book about friendship. But its sweet. Its the story of a lifelong friendship, one involving Cameron and Sonia, and its a friendship that has its ups and downs... notably a devastating betrayal by one and a refusal to forgive by the other. I found myself enthralled in the book, a short one that was knocked out in two days, and was happy after I finished it. Then I went and set something on fire just to feel manly.

#98. Tony Dungy. He's the coach of the Indianapolis Colts, who won the Super Bowl. It was his players in Tampa Bay that Chucky won the Super Bowl with back several years ago (2002?) and finally, Dungy took Peyton & the Colts to this years championship. However, its not what he did, it's how he observed it. The hype was all about how Dungy, and Lovie Smith, coach of the Chicago Bears and the Colt's opponent, were the first two black coaches to face off in a Super Bowl... and after the game was over, here's what Dungy had to say about that:

“I’m proud to be representing African-American coaches… to be the first African-American to win this…But again, more than anything, Lovie Smith and I are not only the first two African-Americans, but Christian coaches, showing that you can win doing it the Lord’s way, we’re more proud of that.”


You can read more, and see videos too, at this website I found.

#97. The Air Supply Infomercial. Flipping channels late at night, I stumbled upon the guys from Air Supply. Yeah, that one, the crooners of what I think is the pinnacle of Soft Rock Cheese, "Making Love Out of Nothing At All". Anyway, there they are, hocking the greatest soft rock in history, 11 CDs, 168 songs, and a low examination fee of only $9.95! (You can order here, if I just sold you... personally, I don't know how they got into Paula Maddox's LP collection, but hey...). But its so bad, its so corny, its so filled with cliche and bad music, you can't turn away. Its like... a wreck on tv. You're glued. Its the only infomercial I think I've ever (conscience) watched twice. Wanna see it? I know you do... here is a sample on You Tube, complete with a Gino Vannelli sighting.

#96. Katharine McPhee. That's right. I've still got McPheever. And after a lame season of American Idol, and the flop that is Taylor Hicks national career & autobiography, Katharine still shines. Her album is actually pretty good, with some catchy pop tunes (I mean, don't expect to hear "Singer-Songwriter" used often, this isn't Carole King) and her videos are fun too. Plus, she's in my Top 10 Hottest Chicks of 2007 Not Named Steph Leann or Ashley Judd.

You give me McPheever... McPheever when you hold me tight... McPheever! McPheever in the morning, McPheever all through the night

#95. "Surf's Up". I didn't expect to like this movie, and to be honest with you, the only reason I even saw it was the fact it was the free movie attached to the double feature at the Argo Drive In, when we went to see "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer". And you know what? "Surf's Up" was better than FF:RofSS. It was fun. And funny. And well done. Perhaps its just the Year of the LaBeouf, as the great voices included Shia, Jeff Bridges, Zooey Deschanel and a hysterical turn from Jon Heder as Chicken Joe. Some of it is filmed in "documentary style", which is fun since its an animated film about the Penguin Surfing Championships. Check it out. You'll notice that "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer", though fun, didn't make the 100 Coolest Things of 2007 list, while "Surf's Up" did.

#94. NYCJenni. She was #31 last year, and still makes the list, albeit at #94. Why did she slip? We just haven't talked that much in the latter half of the year, but I still had to include her because we did talk. NYCJenni, one of my favorite blog characters, still has a great shot of making it back in the Top 50 in 2008.


#93. Amy Adams. I didn't rank her higher only because, though I noticed her in "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby", I didn't really pay attention to her until "Enchanted". Now, I've got "Junebug" and "Cruel Intentions 2" on my Blockbuster queue to check out her other works. I look forward to being fascinated with her for about two more months before I move on.


#92. "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles. Clever pop song by newcomer Bareilles, all about a girl who's trying to write a song about her man, but since she's been wronged, she's not going to write him a love song... and ends up writing him a long song. Isn't it ironic... don't you think? Fun song, good beat, snappy little tune. I dig it.

#91. "Knocked Up". Its raw and raunchy, much like the new Hollywood Gang of Seth Rogan, Judd Apatow, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann and the like are making their movies. And somehow, it works. Starring Rogan and Katherine Heigl (who was in the Top Ten Hottest Chicks of 2007 Not Named Steph Leann or Ashley Judd until I found out she was a smoker, and that ruined it for me), its a family friendly comedy about two people who get way wasted and have a one night stand--for a dork like Ben Stone (Rogan), it would take alcohol to get someone like Alison (Heigl) to sleep with him. And lo and behold, she ends up pregnant.

I'll be honest with you.... this movie was hysterical. Even the Lovely Steph Leann liked it, though she gave her famous "...but I don't want that movie in my house". (see also: Superbad, American Pie 1 thru 3, The Phantom Menace--no one blames her on the last one)

I really like the fact she doesn't consider abortion, and what really makes this movie is the entire ensemble cast, including Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill (who went on to star in "Superbad") and the funny, funny, FUNNY Paul Rudd.

Coming up... The singer of that 1-2-3-4 Apple song... a canceled Fox show... the hottest travel host ever... and K-Dub

5 Movies, 5 Days

It's been a movie kinda weekend for me... you know, where somehow the planets align, the stars twinkle just right, the time falls where it may, and you get the chance to watch several movies you've been wanting to see, all in a few days...

Friday Night -- "Ocean's Thirteen"
Loved "Ocean's Eleven". Thought it was clever, at the time it was original, and its funny. And its one of the few movies that I can totally recommend the commentary on the DVD (Pretty boy or not, Brad Pitt is a really funny guy)

"Ocean's Twelve" was different. I walked out disappointed. Didn't watch it again until it came on HBO a year later, then I gave it another shot... and liked it. Then I saw it again a few days later... and really liked it. It grew on me quickly, and though I don't consider it on par with the first, I can watch it and not be disappointed now.
So, "Oceans Thirteen" is out, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Reviews were really good, so I hoped it would live up... and it did. The gang is back, out to avenge the injuries suffered by Reuben at the hands of Willy Banks (a smarmy good Al Pacino). I won't go into detail about the plans, but know that Linus (a great Matt Damon) gets a main part this time, Turk & Virgil lead a workers strike in Mexico, Basher channels his inner Apollo Creed mixed with Evel Kneviel, someone cries over Oprah, you feel great sympathy for That Guy Hall of Famer David Paymer, and both Bruiser and Toulour make appearances, as does Terry Benedict. What happened to Tess? You find that out too. And only because I had a huge crush on her in 1989, I'm taking Ellen Barkin over a combined Catherine Zeta-Jones and Julia Roberts (For, like, two months, "Sea of Love" was my favorite movie of all time in 1989).

Like Twelve, Thirteen is like one big inside joke, but unlike Twelve, Thirteen lets you in on the joke so you can laugh too. And like Eleven, you may not laugh all the way through Thirteen, but you'll find your self amused the whole time.

Saturday -- "Knocked Up"
If you didn't liked "The 40 Year Old Virgin", then you won't like this. Directed by the same guy, Judd Apatow, it has a lot of the same people, including Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann, and Seth Rogan is promoted to leading man. Steve Carell even makes a cameo.

Hotness Katherine Heigl is an up and coming E! news reporter who, while hanging out with her sister, gets a little too drunk. She has a foolish one night stand with Ben, a guy that it would take a very drunk hot chick to be with, and kicks him out the next day. Eight weeks later, she discovers she's going to have a baby. Ben's baby.

So the movie progresses as Alison and Ben try to make a relationship work, at first just for the baby, and then after finding out they really do like each other, for each other. This movie is rude, crude, lots of F-bombs, a couple of boobage scenes (though only one is real, the others are the guys watching boobage on tv, which is part of Ben's job. You'll find out why when you see it) and is actually lots of fun. Several things I liked about this movie...

• Paul Rudd. This guy is really funny. He's been in "Clueless" (which Steph Leann loves), "Wet Hot American Summer" (a highly underrated comedy), "Anchorman" and much more, and each time, he's fantastic.
• Katherine Heigl. I'm so glad she's more than Izzie from "Grey's Anatomy", and "Nicole" from "My Father the Hero"
• Abortion was never really considered. It is mentioned as an option, but without explaining how she came to the decision, Alison decides to keep the baby, as if its the only thing she could do. I respect that.
• Ben's buddies. Several no-names, including Jonah Hill, who was in "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Accepted", make up Ben's entourage, and its classic. If the Deuce Guys weren't Christ-followers, and were into weed and bongs, this might be them. I'd be Ben, of course, with the hot chick.
• Ryan Seacrest. Hearing the "American Idol" host curse is just about the funniest thing in the movie.
• Leslie Mann. Also in "Virgin", where has she been? Why am I just now discovering her?
• It's good that Steve the Pirate is still working
• Maggie Seaver! We missed you!
• The pop culture references. From Meg Ryan's boobage to Matthew Fox ("You know whats interesting about Matthew Fox? Nothing!") to a hilarious Steely Dan dis to various other movies and celebrities that are randomly dropped in, it sounds like the Deuce guys sitting around. Without the weed and bongs.

I recommend it only if you wanted to see it--its worth the laughs. But know what you are getting into.

Sidebar: Speaking of Paul Rudd, if you ever have the chance to rent or watch Neil LaBute's "Bash: Latter-Day Plays", do so. It premiered on Showtime in 2001, shot as it was being performed onstage. Three separate pieces, one each with Calista Flockhart (who knew she could do more than Ally McBeal?) and Ron Eldard, both engaging in violence in different ways. The jewel, however, is the middle one with Calista and Paul Rudd portraying a couple attending a wedding. The night drags on, with the girls hanging at the hotel, and the boys going out for a night on the town... and end up precipitating a vicious hate crime. Paul's story telling, and the evil in his character, is chilling. If ever I was to direct theater outside of church, I'd do this in a heartbeat. You can pick up a copy of the script online.

Monday -- "The 40 Year Old Virgin"
I might have been one of nine people in the world who had not seen this movie, and I laughed all the way through it. If you don't like American Pie humor, this is not for you. I say American Pie, but the humor is not as directed at teenagers, as it is directed at the side of us that laughs at things we know we shouldn't laugh at.

Steve Carell, in his star making turn, plays Andy. Andy works at SmartTech, collects valuable toys and though 40, has never had sex. When his buddies Dave (Paul Rudd), Cal (Seth Rogan) and Jay (Romany Malco) discover this, they make it their mission to... well, make him not a virgin. One attempt includes a funny turn by Leslie Mann, but it, like others, fail miserably. Enter Trish (Catherine Keener, who we'll get to in a minute), who works across the street at the eBay store

Though very crude, with lots of F-bombs and lots of crude terms for various things, this is, at its heart, a sweet movie. And oh, its funny... I laughed for ten minutes when Dave used the phrase "Man-o-lantern". First, the fact he's a virgin is met with very little ridicule, which is great considering this world wants you to have as much sex as possible. Secondly, though morons they may be, his friends turn out to be pretty loyal in the end. And third, Catherine Keener.

I really liked this film, even better than "Knocked Up"... Seth Rogan was funnier here, and Katherine Heigl is no Catherine Keener, who delivers a Sydney Ellen Wade performance.


What can I say? I really like Cat's part in this movie. She sparkled.


Sidebar: "Sydney Ellen Wade Performance". Its time we had a term for this. Every so often, when watching a movie, there is a leading lady who just shines. I mean, maybe not just acting wise, like Charlize Theron in Monster, but perhaps a performance that just... glows. As in, she lights up every scene she's in. Charlize, who was devastatingly good in "Monster" does not, at any time, glow.

This might be subjective, but the epitome of this was Annette Bening in "The American President". Her character, Sydney Ellen Wade, made me love this movie. Annette never looked as good before, or since, that movie. She just... glowed. Lit up the screen with every step, every word. No, its not subjective... I'm right.

Now, I was tempted to call this rare phenomenon an "Audrey Hepburn Performance", but that was too broad a term--Audrey was in a class all by herself, so I use Sydney Ellen Wade to describe such a performance. Other Sydney Ellen Wade performances? Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail" and Brittany Snow in "John Tucker Must Die" (I didn't say the movie had to be good... but she owns that flick). Oh yeah, and now Catherine Keener in "the 40 Year Old Virgin".

Tuesday -- "Breach"
If you don't know the story, in early 2001, Robert Hanssen, a top dog in the upper crust of the FBI, was arrested and charged with treason. He had been selling US government and military secrets to the Soviets and Russians for the better part of 16 years. On the outside, he looked like a great family man and patriot, but the truth was he was a total jerkweed in every way. Wikipedia has his story here.

"Breach" is the film version of that story, starring Chris Cooper as Hanssen, and Ryan Phillippe as Eric O'Neill, a young FBI agent wannabe assigned to be Hanssen's aide, and to be undercover for the FBI to swipe Hanssen's palm pilot, copy documents and so on.

Based on a true story, and with the real O'Neill serving as film advisor, this is pretty close to how it went down, if I understand it correctly. This is not a film to watch when you are sleepy, but it is a great movie. It builds slowly, with the first 45 minutes showing you what a great guy Hanssen is, almost wanting you to play the part of all the people that knew him before the truth was known. After that, however, you begin to see how... well, evil Hanssen is. His actions and spying ended up putting dozens of US undercover agents in danger, including three who were executed in Russia as a direct result.


This picture of the real Robert Hanssen always creeped me out. Either he looks like too nice of a guy to do these things, or he looks like a child molester.

One thing the film does is portray Hanssen as a brilliant mind who spied not for the money, but for the game, because he felt unappreciated and underused by his own country. Gary Cole (whom I feel bad for, because no matter what he does, he'll always be Lumbergh), President Palmer and an always fantastic Laura Linney (one of my top ten favorite actors... though I can't decide if she's pretty in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way, or just pretty...) are supporting roles, while Chris Cooper is awesome, and Ryan Phillippe makes me believe in his character, something I'm not sure he's ever done. Well, except for maybe in "Antitrust".

Sidebar: If you get the dvd, make sure to watch the "Dateline" segment in the special features. It originally aired in 2001, right after Hanssen had been arrested, and Chris Hanson is the host. He's got huge hair, and the segment is grainy (what, NBC didn't preserve its film six years ago?), but you still expect Robert Hanssen to be sitting at the counter eating cookies, with Chris Hansen appearing, asking him to sit down. "Um... I didn't know they were Russians, sir"... "I know you knew they were Russians--I've got the documents right here. What are you doing??"

Tuesday -- "Ghost Rider"
By the time "Breach" was over, my mind was wiped out. Tense, taut political thriller, I needed something light and campy. Enter "Ghost Rider".

Based on the Marvel comic, "Ghost Rider" tells the story of Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to the devil to save his father. Well, the devil's son is loose and trying to take over, and so the devil will let Johnny Blaze out his contract if he'll take on the son and... does it matter?


The skull guy was Nic Cage's original costar in Face/Off, but he dropped out and was replace by Travolta weeks before shooting. Somewhere, at least one of three Lattas is laughing.

Lots of cartoony violence, a skull on fire riding a chopper on fire, Nic Cage at his "I've got my Oscar, I don't care anymore" best (see: "Capt. Crap's Mandolin", "Lord of War", "The Wicker/Weather/Family Man"), and... Sam Elliott. You cannot go wrong with any movie that has Sam Elliott in it, especially if he's narrating. When they make the movie of my life, I want Sam doing the intro.

It's hard for me to root for an ingenue that I don't find attractive (which is why I avoid Angelina Jolie movies... well, that and most of them suck), so it was hard to root for Nic Cage and Eva Mendes to get together... beyond that, however, I found "Ghost Rider" to be fun, breezy, not too serious and likable. And that's important.

And hey... I'm off Wednesday and Thursday... who knows what I'll get watched by then...

Hey... Lionel Richie Is Universal

We're sitting at The Purple Onion, a great Greek place here in The Ham, and just having great conversation like best friends do. Over head, we hear "You are the sun, you are the rain, you make my life a foolish game...", so turn to Steph Leann and say "Hmm... kinda weird we'd hear Lionel in The Purple Onion.


Say you. Say me. Say it for always. Lional Richie.

Without missing a beat, she says, "Hey... Lionel Richie is universal". So, then, a few weeks later, I'm sitting and watching Vh1's Most Softsational Songs, and during "Hello", one of the commentators says "Did you know Lionel Richie is huge in Iraq?" Cut to L-Rich himself who says "It's weird, because they know every word to every song...", and then you see an Iraqi woman who says, in broken English, "Allo... is it me you look for? I wonder where you are..."
So, yes, Lionel Richie truly is universal.

Here's some links and stories to pass the time today...
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I just discovered Scott Baio has his own reality show, coming on Vh1. The title? "Scott Baio is 45 and Single"

Okay, so when I said "Scott Baio raise your hand if the first thing you thought of was "I want Charles in charge of my days and my nights..."? And I'll bet 90% of you who did not raise your hand haven't ever heard of Scott Baio, and that saddens me.
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Unfortuntely, I don't have many font options here on Blogger. Though I prefer Trebechet, it doesn't transfer well to MySpace, so I just use Georgia, the default font. When doing documents and spreadsheets, my font of choice is Arial Narrow. Count me in the crowd that thinks Comic Sans is overrated and overused. However, I must beg the question, what's up with Helvetica?
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Ever bought a CD because of a great song, only to find out its the only good song on the whole album? This happened to me in 1992 when I picked up The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith", because "500 Miles (I Would Walk)". Terrible album, save for one single good track. Rolling Stone has issued their own list of the 25 greatest songs from bad albums. Elton John is listed twice.

Along the same lines, Spinner Magazine listed its choices for the 25 Most Monumental Album Flops. I was a little shocked, yet amused, that U2 was first band on the list. (By the way, I totally own "Fairweather Johnson" and think its awesome. So there. Of course, I also own "Glitter", but... um, next link)
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Here's something fun... what would Lilly Rush from "Cold Case" make? Or, what about Lynette from "Desperate Housewives"? As in, what would they make in the real world? And Meredith Grey makes far less that I would have imagined...
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And speaking of Grey's Anatomy, Katherine Heigl is a smoker. That turns me off totally... of course, as the episodes have rolled by, and Steph Leann and I have watched them season by season, I'm beginning to think that I find Meredith more attractive than Izzie. My lovely wife, however, is still a McDreamy fan.


Shouldn't the twentysometing hot blonde be preferrable to the late 30s brunette? Perhaps not. Maybe is a sign 'm getting older. I mean, thirtysomething Steph Leann is preferrable any blonde I know.
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FYI... just saw this story on Fox News. Because I know her, I actually knew this months ago. I've seen them together. It was so odd, I called my wife and my sister to tell them so. Personally, I am surprised it took this long to hit the news, but really don't think its a big deal.
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Want a way to kill, like, an hour when you should be working? I got four words for ya...
Celebrity Mustache dot com

It has a great picture of a mulleted Michael Bolton AND a Stamos sighting
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Crap! I can't believe we missed it! Bidding ended on June 1st! (well, it cost $5,000 to ship, so I guess its okay that I didn't win it)
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Went to Wal-Mart earlier tonight, and three things caught my attention...

1) As I was driving through the parking lot, the ice cream truck was pulled over. Next to it were three police cars, officers walking around the truck, and some dude being interrogated. I was expecting Chris Hansen to walk out holding chat transcript and say "why don't you have a seat right there". (by the way, I'm totally buying his book)

2) I stopped by Sonic (settle down, settle down, I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a Coke. No tots. For those who know me well, "no tots" is a big sacrifice). While I waited for the food, I heard Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape" over head. Now, I like this song, I really do... but I have heard it SIX times this weekend, none on the radio--its in restaurants, gas stations and on tv shows. And I always hear Akon's "woo-hoo! wee-hoo! woo-hoo! wee-hoo!"

3) Every Wal-Mart has this aisle they just throw various crap like books, toys, electronics, socks, baby gear, and slap a red sticker on it with a "get this crap outta here!" price on it. While perusing the aisle, I noticed a radio/cassette Walkman. When I was in 8th grade (in 1989), I wanted one soooo badly. It was like, $40, and no 8th grader has $40 lying around. So I never got one. Tonight, however? $4. Four dollars. I almost bought it just on principal.
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As reported to me first by my friend Nikki, they are planning to build a Harry Potter theme park in Orlando's Universal Studios. How much fun will that be? Perhaps it will be done by Thanksgiving, when we head that way.
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Watching some of MTV's Movie Awards, and like it has been the past few years, its pretty boring. Of course, Sarah Silverman's really dirty (but really, really funny) jab at Paris Hilton was great, if only because they cut to Paris in the audience, and she was not happy.

Mike Myers got the Generation Award, or whatever they call it, and though I like Mike Myers, it surprised me that when he came out to accept it, he got a good applause... but no standing ovation. They always give standing O's when getting a special award like this... but not this time. The Sports Guy said it once, and I agree... has any series of movies held up worse over time (as in, we just don't quote or talk about them like we did when they were new) than the Austin Powers movies? Except maybe the Wayne's World movies?
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Two songs I just downloaded... "What a Fool Believes" by The Doobie Brothers (with Michael McDonald singing lead), and "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins.
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New movie called "Good Luck Chuck" coming out this summer. Starring Dane Cook, its about a guy who finds himself the victim of some curse because when he sleeps with a girl, she finds the man of her dreams. This makes him very popular with the ladies who are looking to settle down.

The only reason I mention this is because this has been done before... well, not exactly, but I found myself in the midst of a similar situation. Like, from 1993 to 1996, I was in this streak where six out of seven girls I dated married the guy they dated after me, including Chrissy Bullock, Heather Howell and Melanie Jackson, (whom I count because she didn't really date Reggie McCallister).
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Because I've always loved her, even since college, I naturally try to see any movie featuring The Hollywood Goddess. Her latest flick, "Bug", stars said Goddess and some guy named Michael Shannon, who starred in the stage play the film is based on.

The Hollywood Goddess plays Agnes, who, for whatever reason, actually lives in a rundown Oklahoma middle-of-nowhere motel room. She works in a lesbetarian bar with her friend R.C., and one night R.C. brings into Agnes' room a strange guy named Peter Evans (Michael Shannon). He actually sounds like Peter Weller, to be honest.

Anyway, long story short, Peter gets paranoid that he is crawling with bugs, internally and externally, and Agnes is so lonely and desperate for anything to believe in, she hangs on his every word... and slowly, the couple... (wait for the cliche)... descends into madness.

This movie was weird. I'm not even sure if this qualifies for The McGriddle Effect, to be honest with you. As soon as the lights came on at the end, this brother and his boo in the front row both stood up, and he shouted "We gotta get up outta here".

"Bug" makes for another entry into a unfortunately growing longer line of crap that The Goddess has found herself a part of. Perhaps after I finally do my Nic Cage blog, I'll do one about my love and devotion to Ashley Judd.
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And finally, my favorite Lionel Richie song is "Stuck On You". Its a great little that says "Im stuck on you, I got this feelin' down deepin my soul that I just can't lose... I guess I'm on my way. I needed a friend, and the way I feel now I guess I'll be with you 'til the end... I guess I'm on my way. I'm mighty glad you stayed."

Story goes that Lionel was on tour in the early 80s, and he was at a truck stop. Big trucker dude came up, and told Lionel how much he loved that "Once, two times, three times my lady" song. Lionel smiled, accepted the compliment, and the trucker followed it up with, "Yeah, reminds me of my ol' lady. We been together a long time. I shore am stuck on her."
The phrase "stuck" with Lionel and he went back to his hotel room and wrote "Stuck On You" in about thirty minutes. And now you know.
And knowing is half the battle. (GI JOE!!! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo!)