the slimy book of disappointment

Being a big audiobook fan... dirty little secret, I listen to audiobooks just about all the time (when I'm not listening to podcasts)... I constantly check on the "coming soon" section of Audible, to find out hwen Stephen King's new book is coming out, or when one of my favorite actresses, Judy Greer's memoir is coming, or Adam Carolla's new book, or his podcast co-host Bald Bryan's cancer memoir (these are all four books I'm excited to read), and I usually add any books upcoming of particular interest to my wish list...

SIDEBAR... my wishlist on audio is absolutely ridiculous.  You'd think I'd have a major wishlist on Amazon or something, movie fan that I am, but no, not a single thing on Amazon.  On Audible I currently have 27 titles that I'd like to one day read... biographies on Jim Henson, and Anthony Rapp (from Rent and Adventures in Babysitting)... one of my favorite sports nonfiction books, "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer" by Warren St. John... Bob Goff's "Love Does"... "Double Down", the sequel to 2008's brilliant, election centered "GameChange" (which is also on my list to reread)... I need like, 30 credits right now. 

...anyway, that all is to say that, when I saw a book entitled "Slimed", I thought, "Hmm, that sounds like an interesting title."  Then, when I clicked on it, my interest turned to sheer joy when I saw the full, official title:  "SLIMED: An Oral History of Nickelodeon's Golden Age"

Matthew Klickstein, shame on you for taking such an awesome idea and
making it so poorly executed.

What?!

WHAT THE...?!

WHAT THE WHAT???!!!!

Immediately, I ordered it, and a few days later, it was released and I got it and jumped in immediately.  This was going to be awesome... I mean, I grew up in Nickelodeon's "Golden Age"... when shows like "You Can't Do That On Television" were all the rage--Mom didn't really like me watching it, my friends moms didn't like them watching it, so naturally, it was all we talked about at Ridgetop Elementary School.  It had adults smoking!  SMOKING!  On a kids show!  A sketch show, YCDTOT was from Canada, and featured many of the same characters from episode to episode, and when anyone uttered the phrase "I don't know", they got slimed--green slime dropped from the ceiling and poured all over the actor.  When they said "Water", it was then h2o that doused them.

And I loved it.  Other shows like "Hey Dude!" featuring a teenage, and so gorgeous to my 12 year old eyes, Christine Taylor... and "What Would You Do?" and kids game shows and dramas and a block of shows on Saturday night called "SNICK", featuring "Who's Afraid of the Dark", a horror anthology--for KIDS... and "Double Dare", hello! every kid's dream to run that obsticle course and get slimy by looking for a flag in a giant nose... and of course, "Ren & Stimpy", a show that my 15 year old silly self found so funny that I would cry sometimes from laughing so hard.

I was alone in my room, unpopular, not invited out, watching SNICK and then later listening to Open House Party with John Garabedian. 

Sigh.

I digress.

This was going to be fabulous... not only the history of Nick, but tales from behind the scenes, perhaps the fights, the Nick-sized scandals, how certain shows made it, how certain shows failed, and, of course, the infamous tale of how the creator of "Ren & Stimpy", far and away the most popular show in Nick's history at that time, was fired from his own show.

This was going to be a walk down my childhood, into adolescence.  And it was going to be wonderful, right?

The other part about this book that excited me were the words "oral history", as in, "oral narrative".  I first experienced this type of story telling when I read the excellent "Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN", the story of ESPN.  The authors didn't just tell the stories, they let those who were there tell the story... anecdotes from the likes of Chris Berman, Rich Eisen, Robin Roberts, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and so on and so on, all compiled together to make the narrative, telling the story of ESPN's beginnings, its history, its early years into its modern day.

Last year, I read "I Want My MTV", another oral narrative, with everyone from MTV VJ Alan Hunter to Jon Bon Jovi to Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran giving their take on MTV's history (more about this in my next post, my Top Ten faves of the year)

So, naturally, to not only hear Nickelodeon's story, if not complete, then at least its "golden age", from its beginning to maybe the mid-90s, told from the people there--Christine Taylor from "Hey Dude!" and maybe that kid from "Don't Just Sit There" and Marc Summers (who did the forward of the book, another selling point) and Alasdair and Lisa and Christine from "You Can't Do That On Television"--was going to be awesome.

So I dove in. 

And it sucked.

I mean, just completely sucked.

It breaks my heart to tell you this, but its a terrible book.  I mean, atrocious... it would be one thing if the book had Fabio on the cover, you would know going in that this likely would be, well, not good.  But this?   This entire idea, this entire concept was genius... there were millions of people like me who grew up on Nickelodeon, who would be excited to read the stories of their favorite childhood network... but no. No no no.

Two reason:

1) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?? 
When reading books like "Those Guys Have All the Fun", you see a constant pattern... before you read the anecdote, it will tell you not only who they are, but WHO they are.  "Chris Berman, Anchor".  "Kenny Mayne, Anchor".  "Bill Simmons, writer, Grantland.com".  You get the idea.  In "I Want My MTV", there were things like "Joe Elliot, Def Lepperd" and "Downtown Julie Brown, MTV VJ" and so on... again, you get the idea.

Imagine my surprise when the first chapter, "The Tween: What It was Like Growing Up Nick" had the first name of "Christine Taylor".  No "Hey Dude", no "Actress", not even a "Ben Stiller's Wife" or "The Hot Chick in Dodgeball"... just her name.  Well, that's okay, I knew who she is.  But then?  "Danny Tamberelli".  Then "Elizabeth Hess".  Followed by "Judy Grafe".  Who?  Who?  And Who? 

No identifications.  No names.  No sources.  "Heidi Lucas" and then "Justin Cammy" and then "Trevor Eyster"... who are these people?  Not even a comment on what role they play--no "actor" or "producer" or "writer" or "best boy" or "gaffer" or "caterer to Harvey on Double Dare". 

Immediately, I was lost.  There is a huge reference in the back, with a few hundred names listed, who they were and where they are now... but to keep going back to it four times just to read a page is so tiring.

2) ITS ALL OVER THE PLACE
That Tween chapter I mentioned, the first one?  Not only do you not know who these people are, you don't even know who the 'tweens were.  Some were people who played adults on the shows, others were the kids, but you had no idea what their frame of reference was when they spoke. 

Secondly, it goes everywhere, from some drug use to filming to lines to school to crushes, then veers off in a completely different direction, before coming back again.  Other chapters are just like this... the one I was looking forward to, the split between Nick and the creator of "Ren & Stimpy" spent half the chapter on this, then part of the chapter somewhere else, not coming to any satisfying conclusion.

Halfway through it, I was beginning to question whether I should even stick it out... I did, begrudgingly.  And I'll never do it again.

The idea itself was brilliant.  The concept was exciting and fun, and stuck into that nostalgia that people like me have for the days when you came home from school and watched programs as they came on, because otherwise you'd miss them--no DVR or TiVo or at my house, no VCR to record it... you watched it then, because you couldn't watch it online or get the season from NetFlix or Best Buy... not in 1983. 

The disappointment.  The potential, and the huge letdown from the very beginning.  This is why "Slimed: An Oral History of Nickelodeon's Golden Age" was the worst book I read in 2013.  Matthew Klickstein--do another version, update it, and I guarantee I'll buy it again. 

(5484 words written for #15KWordsinFeb, 9516 words to go)

the 2013 oscar blog

(scroll down for updates)

7:25... Here we are... the first blog of February, and its the Academy Awards... I love the Oscars, because I love movies, so once again, I'm excited to be watching it...

...And unlike the Golden Globes, its not a monsoon outside, which means the chances of satellite going out are slim to none. 

Me: The Lovely Steph Leann, what are you wearing?
The Lovely Steph Leann (blank stare)

Five minutes to GO!!!

728... I kinda feel like "Splash", aka "Celebrity Diving", is on the air because there was a bit too much vodka in the planning meeting...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (is it Joseph-Gordon Levitt?) (l) and Harry Potter (r)
join Seth MacFarlane for a soft shoe dance as part of his opening monologue

730... And we begin.  Seth MacFarlane begins with a shout out to Tommy Lee Jones' grumbling... who ends up chuckling.

731p... Seth tells us that this years theme is celebrating music in film. Something tells me Annie 2 won't be mentioned.

732p... The obligatory "Win an Oscar, disappear from the industry" joke...

734p... Seth is trying, and mostly succeeding... you can tell he's testing his waters, getting a "oooh" from a Chris Brown & Rihanna joke.

735p... SHATNER!!!  SHATNER!!! SHATNER!!!

738p... What the... what is happening?  Boobs? 

739p... I'll admit it... "We Saw Your Boobs".. funny.  Really funny. 

739p... I just typed "We Saw your Boobs" for the first time in the history of this blog.  Ever.

741p... Another first.  "A Denzel Movie with Sock Puppets" (left)

742p... This is the best Oscar show in years. 

744p... Seth looks like a walking Easter Seal symbol... or a gay pope. 

745p... A real "Smokey and the Bandit" reference... in the Oscar monologue.  The first time Oscars and Smokey & the Bandit have ever been used together.

747p... Let's get to some awards!! 

748p... Octavia Spencer won last year for "The Help" for Best Supporting Actress... and she is out to give Best Supporting Actor to either Alan Arkin (Argo)... Bobby DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook)... Phil Hoffman (The Master)... Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) and Chris Waltz (Django Unchained)...

My pick?  Tommy Lee Jones. 

Last year I did horribly at the Oscar picks...  this time?  Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained.... wow.  Wow.  He has now TWO Oscars for Tarantino Films.

This is good, though... Tommy Lee Jones didn't win, so he got the smiling out of the way.  No more grins for the rest of the evening.

752p... So... as he walks off, they play the theme from ET:  The Extra Terrestrial.  What the what??

Commercial Break

755p... Paul Rudd!  I love Paul Rudd!!  Even though he was in "My Idiot Brother", which is terrible.  Melissa McCarthy looks like a beluga whale in her grey dress, and her too-much-blush-cheeks.

756p... Paul Rudd looks like he stepped out of a 1977 Scorsese film

757p... Paul and Melissa pick up the Best Animated Short for "Paperman", a delightful little movie... I go 1-1 so far.

759p... The popular choice is "Brave" for Best Animated Film because its Pixar... but I went with Wreck-It-Ralph.  "Brave" wins.

Here's my original review of "Brave"

8p... Reese Witherspoon. 

Wow. 

Wow.

That is all.

801p... Because there are 114 films nominated for Best Picture, they are doing away with the "Famous Actor Introducing One Nominted Film" thing, having Reese present "Les Miserables", "The Life of Pi" and "Beasts of the Southern Wild".

804p... Quavenzene Wallace, nominated for Beasts of the Southern Wild, looks up as Seth MacFarlane gives her a shout out.

Quavenzene:  Why is that white man saying my name?

805p... Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury come out to banter and do Cinematography...

806p... SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S JACKET--FOR THE WIN

807p... I chose Life of Pi... and it wins.  Life of Pi will rack up several of these lesser awards tonight, I predict.

809p... I think Lucius Malfoy is giving an Oscar speech

810p... Visual Effects... I again chose Life of Pi... I love being right.

811p... So the "Get Done With Your Speech Music" is... Jaws?!  That's HILL-AIR-EEOUS

Commercial Break

816p... Seth introduces Channin Tatum and Jennifer Aniston, two people so beautiful that somehow, I almost think their kids would be butt-ugly.

817p... And the award for Costume Design goes to Anna Kareninninanninana... when do you stop the last name...?

819p... "Hairstyling" added to the "Makeup" category... and there is only three films nominated... I guess they would either have to add "Hairstyling", or "Les Miserables" would run unopposed...

820p... I wonder how much of Les Mis' win was for the butchering of Anne Hathaway's hair...

821p... Halle Berry out now.  Does it make me a bad person, or gay, if she doesn't appeal to me? 

822p... My buddy Mikey Nipp is peeing himself right about now... Bond Tribute time. 

We are treated to an extended Bond Tribute, full of clips and snips from all 23 James Bond movies.  I'm just not a huge fan.  I mean, I liked a few here and there, but none are considered "favorites" of any kind. 

826p... I think I'm too young to appreciate Shirley Bassey... and probably 1/3 of the crowd is clapping because they don't want to be on camera not clapping. 

Commercial Break

830p... I know Connery is retired, and maybe Daniel Craig is too busy... but Dalton, Lazenby, Moore and probably Brosnan were free, I'm sure.  They couldn't have been recruited for that video montage? 

831p... Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx, stars of Django Unchained, come out, looking almost as beautiful, though not quite, as Channing and Jen earlier.

832p... K-Wash and J-Foxx are here to give us the Best Live Action Short Film winner... I chose Buzkashi Boys, a shot in the dark.  I feel like Oscar ballots should give you a five or six word description about these short films... "Curfew" wins.  Whatever that is.

835p... Winners are now talking fast, in fear of the "Jaws" music..

835p... Best Documentary Short.  The Oscar goes to Inocente... I picked Redemption.  Again, who knows?! 

837p... Seth MacFarlane is back up now, introducing Liam Neeson, the original Darkman. 

837p... Liam has a very special set of skills

838p... "Argo"... "Lincoln"... "Zero Dark Thirty"... the films that Liam is introducing.

FYI.... Here's my review of "Argo"

841p... Seth tells us the other actors who played Lincoln... and said "the actor who really got into Lincoln's head is John Wilkes Booth... too soon?"

842p... Ben Affleck comes out to present the Documentary Feature...

843p... Not gonna lie... I liked Reindeer Games.  Its a big more watchable than Good Will Hunting.

844p... Searching for Sugarman takes the Oscar.

Commercial Break

849p... Jennifer Garner... gorgeous or hideous?  I just cannot tell.  I don't know the answer.  I struggle with it.

849p... Jessica Chastain?  Elegant.  Not gorgeous, but elegant. 

850p... Best Foreign Film.  Not sure how "Amour" can be nominated for Best Picture and NOT win this award.  Aaaaand... I'm right.

852p... Christoph + this guy for Amour = 2 Austrian Oscar Wins! 

852p... Seth tells us about the Oscar Orchestra... who are performing down the street for the show! 

852p... John Travolta comes out... I mean, onstage, not out-out...

853p... Travolta has a harder time saying "Miserables" than I do.  I didn't add the "s" on the end, he added four more syllables. 

855p... Catherine Zeta-Jones, singing a song from "Chicago"... and not sounding nearly as good as she did in "Chicago" 10 years ago...

857p... Zeta-Jones... a member of the "Angelina Jolie Chicks That I'm Supposed to Find Hot But Don't" Club...

858p... Jennifer Hudson is singing "And I Am Telling You That I Am Not Going", from DreamGirls... notably, the song that probably won her the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.  American Idol, anyone?

9p... Holy schmoly crap.  Jennifer Hudson just smacked that song around and said "I'm your mama, now shut up".  That was freakin' awesome.

9p... The Lovely Steph Leann just perked up as Colin Firth Member Hugh Jackman came on stage, singing. 

The Colin Firth Club:  Those that The Lovely Steph Leann would consider leaving me for... see:  Downey Jr, Robert... Whitford, Bradley... Firth, Colin... Bon Jovi, Jon

903p... The cast of Les Mis comes out to sing "One Day More'... including Russell Crowe. 

I imagine this conversation a month ago:

Agent:  Russ, you have to sing again
Russell Crowe:  What?  What do you mean? 
Agent:  In your contract
Russell:  People made fun of me singing!!
Agent:  Its in your contract, Russ
Russell:  #*&&#  (throws phone)

908p... Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, from Star Trek, and according to Seth, "Future Priceline.com spokespeople" are out... discussing the Tech Awards.

910p... Mark Wahlberg... and Ted, from the movie "Ted"... I haven't seen it.. sheepishly, I want to.

911p... Sound Mixing... I chose The Life of Pi.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Wrong.  Les Mis.  Its the live singing." 

912p... And its Les Mis.  "I told you!  Live singing!  Live singing, baby!"

914p... Two presenters... one is funny and animated and fake... the other is Ted, the teddy bear.  Oh!

915p... Sound Editing... I picked Zero Dark Thirty.  THERE IS A TIE?!?!

916p... Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty pick up the Oscars... a Tie!?!

915p... Like, two Oscars?  A Tie?  Couldn't they do a run-off?  Or a vote tonight, with the audience, with just these two films in the running?

917p... Last tie?  Streisand and Hepburn in 1969 for Best Actress, for (I think) Funny Girl and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, respectively...

(screaming kid... not at The Oscars, but at my house...)

922p... Seth is making some Sound of Music references... but we have a screaming kid.  Kinda killing the joke for me.  Darn you, Campbell Isaiah.

922p... Christopher Plummer comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... he won Best Supporting Actor last year for the family comedy "I'm Old and Gay", or something like that. 

925p... So, they gave out the award for Supporting Actress just now.. but we are 3 minutes behind.  Campbell is just going bonkers. 

925p... Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, is nominated... I love her.  I really do.  She'll win hers one day, a la Kate Winslet.

925p... And the award goes to... Anne Hathaway.  The award should actually go to whoever said "Hey, let's just keep the camera on her for one, long single shot..."

I dreamed a dream that theeeeey... would stop talking about... my haaair...

927p... PRINCESS MIA GOT AN OSCAR!!! SHUT!!! UP!!!

930p... Didn't notice it til just now... must be... well, cold in there. 

The summation of the last few minutes... Campbell Isaiah woke up, screaming... I had to run and get the cookies we were cooking out of the oven... then toss in his dinner... making peas... sweet potatoes... plums... and a bottle of prune juice/water... some older dude is speaking about student films... and... we're about 10 minutes behind.  Sigh.

I love my kid.  But we are only having one.  That's all I can deal with.  Sigh.

944p... Sandra Bullock is onstage... Best Film Editing is the award she's giving out... William Goldenberg for "Argo"...

946p... 13 awards given, I've gotten 7 right.  This night is a disaster.

947p... Jennifer Lawerence is exquisite.  Not sure I have any other words for it...

948p... Adele is singing "Skyfall"... its nominated for Best Original Song... I chose "Pi's Lullaby" as the winner of that category, and this is what I regret the most--I should have gone "Skyfall". 

949p... Adele is 24 years old.  I cannot tell you what a bumbling no-direction hunk o'junk I was at 24.  Or 34.  Or now, actually.

Commercial Break

950p... Nicole Kidman comes out to present the final three Best Picture Nominees... "Silver Linings Playbook"... "Django Unchained"... and "Amour"

953p... Harry Potter and Bella from Twilight are onstage together.   Kristen Stewart looks miserable, all the time.  All.  The.  Time.

955p... Daniel Radcliffe, they are called tweezers.

956p... Seth calls out Salma Hayek... I think her neck has been lengthened by 8 inches due to that dress.  Like, her dress is a volcano, and her face erupted.

959p... I think Salma was honoring those who won special awards.  Then again, she could have been telling me a great recipe for Guadalajara bacon crispers, and I wouldn't know it.

Commercial Break

1001p... And here comes George Clooney. 

1001p... The In Memorium segment... and Campbell quiets down.  He knows how to respect Michael Clark Duncan and Ernest Borgnine.  Re-cah-nize.

1003p... Adam Yauch from The Beastie Boys gets a nod.  As does one half of the Sherman Brothers. 

1004p... Barbra Streisand.  Blech.

1006p... She is honoring the late composer Marvin Hamlisch.  If I were Marvin, I'd be rolling in my grave.  Any a'yall play Barbra at my funeral, and I'm coming back to knock some teeth out.

1007p... This exchange:
Me:  Since we are still a few minutes behind, we can definitely fast forward this
The Lovely Steph Leann (dirty look)

1009p... Seth MacFarlane comes back out, Campbell cries.  Maybe he just doesn't like Family Guy like I hoped he would.

1010p... The cast of "Chicago" comes out--Gere, Latifah, Zeta-Jones and Jewel!

1010p... Renee Zellweger looks like she's perpetually trying to hide pain. 

1011p... And the winner for Best Score is... The Life of Pi...

1012p... I was secretly hoping John Williams would win for "Lincoln" so the Jaws theme could play him off stage.

1013p... Queen Latifah tells us the Best Song category is up now...

1014p... Why didn't someone tell me "Chasing Ice" was about our melting glaciers and how American Republicans are destroying the Earth?   And whats more, why isn't that winning everything?

1017p... So now, the award goes to "Skyfall" from "Skyfall", sung by Adele.  The first Academy Award to go to a Bond film. 

1019p... "Gotta fank the acahdummy..."

Commercial Break (and finally back on live TV!)

1022p... Charlize Theron comes out with Dustin Hoffman...

1022p... This probably happened:

Charlize:  So, cut my hair like Anne's in that Les Mis movie
Stylist:  Before the cut or after?
Charlize:  After

1023p... And its time for the Final Six--Picture, Director, Acting and Writing...

1024p... For Adapted Screenplay... the winner is Argo.  I'm a little shocked that Beasts didnt get it. 

1026p... For Original Screenplay... the winner is Django Unchained.  That's fantastic.  No, seriously... that's awesome. 

1028p... The Oscars are only 2 minutes from ending!  Or supposedly ending.  Looks like it might not end on time.  But it will probably end before next year's start.

Commercial Break

1032p... Seth introduces Hollywood Legends, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas--who starred together in The China Syndrome... not a bad movie. 

1033p... Best Director Award.  And its...

1034p... ANG LEE for Life of Pi.  What the what?

1034p... They should give him 3.14 minutes to accept the award.

1035p... Campbell is crying again.  He must have known Ang was the same dude who not only directed "Brokeback Mountain", but also "Hulk".

Commercial Break

1040p... Jean Deajunana (sp?) from The Artist is out to give the Best Actress Award... camera cuts to Kristen Stewart, who looks unhappy and unimpressed--meaning, her usual self.

1042p... Great goodness... please don't let Quivenzhannena win this.  Not because I dislike her, but because Beasts of the Southern Wild is NOT A GOOD MOVIE

Whoops

1043p... Jennifer Lawrence wins for "Silver Linings Playbook"!!!  And she trips on the way up...

1044p... Hugh Jackman rushes to help her.  The Lovely Steph Leann:  He's so gallant.  Happy sigh.

1045p... So Katniss can shoot a precise arrow, but can't climb a staircase? 

1045p... Seth just says "Our next presenter needs no introduction", and drops mic and walks off.  That was a great move

1046p... Everyone all together:

Daniel

Day

Lewis

For Lincoln

That was easy.

1046p... During the nomination readings, The Lovely Steph Leann sighed, "Oh... Hugh Jackman was so awesome... so... so awesome..."

1048p... Out of all the "Flight" clips, they show the one from the end?  That's like showing a Bruce Willis clip from "The Sixth Sense" when he realizes he's dead... geez.

1049p... Watch closely.  Meryl Streep doesn't even open the envelope. No joke.

1050p... "Before Lincoln, I was committed to playing Margaret Thatcher... and Meryl was scheduled to play Lincoln..."  The delivery is fantastic.

1051p... Daniel Day-Lewis has reached Spielberg & Streep status... that is, "Don't dare play them offstage..."

1052p... Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to present Best Picture. 

1053p... And Jack sends it up to... Michelle Obama at the White House?  What is the point of...?  What?

1054p... So, Michelle just talks about movies, and then asks Jack to do the nominees?  Seriously?  That was pointless.

1055p... If Les Mis wins this, The Lovely Steph Leann's head might explode with Hugh Jackman glee

1055p... And Michelle Obama opens the envelope, and its.. Argo!

1058p... So three producers--Affleck, Clooney and Some Guy... and since Ben didn't get a directing nomination (for which Ang Lee is thankful), you'd think Some Guy would let him talk... and finally, Some Guy lets Ben talk.

1059p... Argo is a great, great film. 

11p... If directly following Gigli, you knew an Affleck film would win Best Picture, raise your hand... (crickets chirping)

1104p... Kristen Chenoweth and Seth MacFarlane sing us off into the night, nodding to the losers of the evening... and thats our 2013 Academy Awards... thanks for reading!

1105p:  Argo to bed now...

Seth is being brutalized by the press for a terrible Oscar hosting job.. first, I think he did pretty good.  Secondly, I know
even know who would do a good job... even Billy Crystal's return was met with bad reviews.  And, I do love Kristen
Chenoweth, all 4ft 9 inches of her.

the 2013 golden globes running diary

If I suddenly disappear for a few, its because (a) my internet went out due to rain... (b) my internet went out because my internet blows... (c) the satellite went out... (d) both a and b... (e) both A and C... (f) both A, B, C, D and E... just a warning...

7p...And here we are... Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are onstage, kicking things off... shots at Ricky Gervais and those movies "that have only been in theater for 2 days"...

705p... Amy nods to Kathryn Bigelow, director of "Zero Dark Thirty", saying "I would take advice about torture from a woman who was married to James Cameron..." drawing a huge laugh and a huge "whoa!' from the crowd.

706p... The Satellite just went out.  Again.

710p... Still out.  Who won? 

710p... Thanks to Twitter, I learned the Christoph Waltz won best Supporting Actor in a Movie for "Django Unchained."

712p... Satellite still out.

719p... And the show comes back on, with Eva Longoria and Don Cheadle onscreen, giving out some award for Mini-Series or Movie... and the winner is "GameChange".  A brilliant, film, by the way... and this is someone who is a staunch conservative.

719p... Apparently, Professor McGonagall won for "Downton Abbey" a few minutes ago.  I think.  Stupid rain.

720p... And its off... and its on... and the satellite is off... and its on... and its off... and its...

720p... Off.

720p... At least we got to see a speech by the husband of the lead singer of the Bangles. 

730p... Still off.  Seriously.  One of my favorite nights, where I get to blog and make fun, and nothing. 

And... turns out I've been hit with some sort of malware called Scour.  And my Norton didn't find it. 

732p... Here we go again!

What did we miss?  A Les Mis montage. 

Now we have the always awesome Paul Rudd and the sometimes cool Salma Hayek for Best Actor in a TV Series.  "Homeland" won a ton of these acting awards at the Emmys, and so, Damien Lewis picks it up for the same show.

734p... And so begins a Homeland lovefest.  Perhaps I should see this show at some point.

Teleprompter screw up?  No problem.  Paul Rudd is here.

735p... Paul Rudd and Salma have an awkward moment before giving the Best TV Drama to Homeland.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Seriously?  Homeland?  The Newsroom is so much better.  (I tend to agree)  But, Claire Danes looks good after just having a kid.

737p... Apparently, the teleprompter screwed up.  Paul Rudd needs to host every teleprompter breakdown.

742p... After a quick commercial break, we get a clip from the nominated film Argo, which is a great film that you should see right now.

744p... Best Score now, with Jennifer Lopez and Jason Statham are out to give the award.   And the award goes to... Homeland!

745p... Just kidding.  Life of Pi.

745p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?!  Now the Life of Pi love begins... crap.

747p... Best Original Song!  Music from Skyfall... The Hunger Games... Act of Valor... some Pacino/Walken film... and Les Miserables... and the winner is? 

749p... Adele be Rollin in the Deep, with the Skyfall win.  Movie wasn't that great.  Neither was the song.  Let's be real, here.

750p... I think Life of Pi will win 3.14 awards tonight.

801p... Due to the fact I have some crappy malware on the computer, I had to do a re-start on the computer.  Good times.  So, we are about 8 minutes behind, which hopefully we will catch up on during commercials

802p... Campbell just smashed his foot in the baby gate.  Cause he's a genius.

803p... So, Kevin Costner just won for Hatfields & McCoys... he's actually giving a better acting performance right now than he does in most of his movies.

806p... Bill Clinton?  Really?

807p... Hollywood Libs are going nuts right now.  He'd still be president if they coulda changed that stupid Constitution... though... I wonder what would happen if Obama and Bill ran against each other?   The first black president AND Obama?  Wow... 

809p... Will Ferrill and Kristen Wiig come out together.  Can they host next year?!  That would be awesome too!

809p... Best Comedy/Musical Actress award...

810p... I've never used these words before but.. Kristin Wiig is friggin' hot.  Just sayin.

811p... Will and Kristin are cracking me the heck up...

This was Tommy Lee Jones.  He's actually laughing here.

812p... They just showed a stone faced Tommy Lee Jones... I think that was him laughing.

813p... Jennifer Lawrence won!!  Taylor Swift gave her a standing O... and J-Law says, "What does this say?!  I beat Meryl [Streep]!!" then follows it up with "Harvey [Weinstein], thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here..."

816p... Best Supporting Actor TV Series/Movie/Mini-Series...

816p... John Krasinski is with Kristen Bell to give the award to... Ed Harris for GameChange.  I dig it.  I kinda think that John Krasinski is a possible entry into The Colin Firth Club for The Lovely Steph Leann.  He's a good dude.

817p... Jamie Foxx out to discuss "Django Unchained"

818p... And now, Jonah Hill and Megan Fox... a mismatch of epic proportions.  Awkward banter.

819p... Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture... Amy Adams is nominated.  I'm in love with her, I don't care, I'll admit it.  But?  Anne Hathaway wins this easily. 

I just won a Golden Globe?  And am probably headed for Oscar
gold?  Shut!  Up! 

819p... Princess Mia won!!!  Hope she saves room for the Academy Award on the shelf.

821p... She even references Genovia!  Winning!!! 

822p... Caught up to Live TV!

823p... Amanda Seyfried with the cute, weird eyes and Edward the Gay Vampire are out for the Screenplay Award.

824p... Tarantino won!?!  "I wasn't expecting this!" he says.  Neither was anyone else in that room, QT.

Favorite Tweets of the night so far: 
@bradlatta... Anne Hathaway is the cutest boy in Hollywood
@MissMovies... Three words:  JLaw boob shelf
@pourmecoffee... Taylor Swift is so sad in losing to Adele she's going home and listening to Adele
@JamiesRabbits... I feel like Jennifer Lopez only checks her rearview mirror before going out

826p... Jeremy Irons being very Jeremy Ironsy...

827p... I prefer Will and Kristin's description of Salmon in Yemen

827p... Lucy Liu and Debra Messing is out for Best Actor in a TV Comedy Series... Don Cheadle for House of Lies.

833p... Sly and Arnold are giving out Best Foreign Film.  Is it usual to have the presenters speak a foreign language?  "Amour" from Austria wins... and I think this is where it picks up steam to steal a major award Oscar in a month. 

@JamiesRabbits:  I feel like Sylvester Stallone being in a movie called "A Bullet to the Head" is a bit redundant

836p... Nathan Fillion and Lea Michele come out for Best TV Actress Drama... Excuse me, Nathan Fillion, Lea Michele and Lea Michele's overbite.  The winner is... Claire Danes, for Homeland.

I knew that, by the way.

844p... Sacha Baron Cohen is out, holding his wine, and acting like Sacha Baron Cohen, which is a bit refreshing, because in Les Miz, he was very Un-Sacha-like.   And being fairly funny.  Best Animated Film.

846p... At least he's not hiding his drinking.  "Brave" wins, from the category of Foregone Conclusion.

848p... I wonder if Liev Schriber looks at Hugh Jackman, thinks about "Wolverine" and wonders how it all went wrong.

850p... Aziz Ansari and Jason Bateman makes a Downton Abby weed joke that everyone laughs at, except for the Downton Abby table.

851p... Lena Dunham wins the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy series.  I think that she is an actreZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

859p... We've seen far too little of Amy and Tina tonight...

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann's knees wobble again, as Robert Downey Jr comes onstage. 

901p... Jodie Foster is getting the Cecil DeMille Award for lifetime achievement?  I'm sorry... wha...???

902p... I'm confused... wasn't she just in "The Silence of the Lambs like, 3 years ago?

905p... "Nell"... "Sommersby"... "Nim's Island"... "Little Man Tate"... thank you Jodie Foster for your great body of work. 

906p... Taaaaay.... in da wiiiinnn.....

908p... I'm not positive... but Jodie Foster might've been drinking.  Just a bit.

908p... Real subtle cut to Jane Lynch

909p... I'm not even sure what Jodie Foster is talking about.  And I'm not sure if the audience knows it either.

911p... I really hope there is a written version of this speech somewhere online, so I can re-read this and start to decipher what just happened.  I feel like Jodie's therapist.

916p... Back from commercial... Halle Berry... Best Director

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is so bizarre!  Her boob is hanging out all weird!

917p... Ben Affleck just won Best Director for Argo... an award he wasn't even nominated for in the Academy Awards this year.  This is awesome!

919p... Josh Brolin is out to discuss "Moonrise Kingdom"... a movie I'm halfway through at this point.  Looking forward to finishing it after the awards.

@JamiesRabbits:  Ben Affleck.  We can now forget Gigli.  (I agree)

921p... Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon out to give Best TV Series Comedy/Musical... the award goes to Girls on HBO. 

922p... I should feel happy for a success story like Lena Dunham but... I just don't.

@BradJLatta:  Girls, on the other hand, doesn't sound like a show I'm ever going to watch

927p... Lena Dunham drops a Chad Lowe reference... and finally, he gets thanked for Hilary Swank's Oscar win!  Only took a decade.

@JamiesRabbits:  Chad Lowe SHOULD be namedropped.  All the time.  As my co-workers will learn this week.
Random online comment:  Girls.  The most awesome uncomfortable show ever.

Its 930, and they are about to race through the rest of these awards like a boss.

929p... Christian Bale comes out, not hitting anyone, but to give accolades to"Silver Linings Playbook".  Really want to see this film.

930p... From the category of "About time...", I really like "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers. 

931p... Jennifer Garner comes out to give Best Actor in Comedy/Musical... Hugh Jackman just won for Les Miserables.

933p... The Lovely Steph Leann is wobbly and weak. 

934p... And yes, I'm happy he won this.  He may not win the Oscar for it, but since Actor is divided up into Comedy/Musical and Drama, then he and Danie Day-Lewis can both win.  Tonight. Not on Oscar night.

938p... Jeremy Renner... straight from The Artist?  He's out to review Best Drama Movie

939p... Dustin Hoffman, director of Quartet, a movie that no one has ever heard of.   Not you, not me.  Don't jive.

940p... Best Comedy/Musical... and the winner is Les Miserables...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Oh listen.  They are playing the song that they left off the soundtrack.  Which is the theme of the whole movie, right?  What the heck?

@BradJLatta:  Who's that boy groping Amanda Seyfried?
@michaelanipp:  Probably Michael J. Fox's son
@davedollar:  Just keep Taylor Swift away from him!  And her!
@bradjlatta: Turns out it was just Anne Hathaway

And there's this:

@JamiesRabbits:  Is it wrong to wish fatal bodily harm to Mrs. Hugh Jackman so he can grieve and then meet me at a Chick-fil-A?
@davedollar:  My wife would beat you to that Cool Wrap luncheon, I promise.
@JamiesRabbits:  Sister Wives!!

947p... George Clooney is out to give Best Actress to Drama... Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty.  I almost feel like there are several locks for this year's Oscars... and Jess Chastain is one of them.

950p... And in the other lock, Best Actor for Drama... Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln.  Clooney just spits that out there like "yeah, we all know this..."

@Dougbenson:  Meryl couldn't be here because she has Streep Throat.  Goodnight!

955p...  You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.

955p... I feel like if I could have pulled that Last of the Mohicans line off successfully, I would have gotten more dates.  Just sayin'

@DanWolken:  Being in an award category with Daniel Day Lewis is like coaching against Saban in a championship game

958p... Julia Roberts sighting...

958p... Argo wins Best Picture at the Golden Globes.  Now, this throws the entire Best Picture race into all kinds of a tizzy.

959p... Argo fu.... wait a minute...

So... thats it.  Its 10pm, Campbell Isaiah is screaming his fool head off, we had too little Tina & Amy, we're all tired, my Google search doesn't work and so on and so forth. 

mr. wizard being grumpy

When I was a young tyke, in the midst of the kid stage, there were several shows I watched on television... we didn't have Barney or Dora the Explorer or Blue's Clues (the first two I am going to avoid at all costs when introducing educational programming to the young Campbell Isaiah)... no, we have PBS and Nickelodeon. 

We had Sesame Street, of course, and The Electric Company, which I didn't watch much of, but there was another show I watched every day that I can't remember the name of... but it had a segment called "MathNet", a "Dragnet" type Math sketch with two Math Detectives. 

But the bulk of my programming came on Nickelodeon... this was before "Nick Jr" and "Nick Kids" and the Noggin Network and so on, and this is before TV Land... this is when they had kids shows in the morning and midday, they had older kids shows until about 7p, then they went to Nick At Night, showing reruns of My Three Sons, Gilligans Island, Newhart and Donna Reed... then around midnight, we had infomercials.

During the day, I took in healthy amount of "You Can't Do That On Television" and Leonard Nimoy's "Lights Camera Action"...

SIDEBAR... I remember in 2nd grade, at Ridgetop Elementary in Austin, Texas, we were all in the class and Ms. Martinez asked us to name our favorite TV show, and I wanted to say "You Can't Do That On Television", but due to my seat in the class, I was one of the last people to have a turn, and Brian Bruner at about four chairs down, and as it zipped around the class, I didn't hear YCDTOT, and I was excited because me, at 7, would get to say this cool program that many parents hated, and I would look cool and then, four chairs down, Brian Bruner went and he said "You Can't Do That on Television!" and a bunch of kids in the class said, "I love that!" and "Oh, I forgot that, I want to change my answer!" and I was so mad because I wanted to say it and get that reaction so when it went to Gloria Gil, then Jesse Gomez then Pete the Stereotypical Big Kid in the Class, it got to me, and panicking, I said, "Lights Camera Action!", which wasn't a lie, I did love that behind-the-scenes-movie show, but I knew it wasn't as exciting as "You Can't Do That On Television", and I was so disheartened when from across the class, Becky Rocha said, "Oh, that show is boring"... and I just sank in my chair...

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Nick at Nite...

Anyway, my parents and I watched "My Three Sons", and once they had a contest for a week, saying if you could write down the names of each of Steve's dates in each episode and be one of the first people to send it it, you'd win a Nick at Nite address book.  So, each night at 7, I labored through episode after episode (it was usually on from 7p to 830p, but only one episode had Steven going out on a date), for five straight nights, and wrote down those 50's type names like "Mildred" and "Esther" and "Dorothy".  I wrote it on a piece of loose leaf paper and stuffed it in an envelope and addressed it--I don't remember the address, but I'm sure it has something to do with "Avenue of the Americas" in New York City--and sent it out... and a week later, I got my Nick at Nite address book!  Word.

The daytime shows that taught me my education included "Today's Special" and "Mr Wizard's World", and the latter is why I'm even posting anyway. 

Seriously... I actually wanted to post a video, but I ended up getting distracted in thinking about my childhood shows... don't even get me started on "Double Dare" and "Hey Dude"...

So, I found this video online, and thought it was awesome.  Mr Wizard was a dude named Don Herbert who had a show on NBC in the 50s, but then revived it for Nickelodeon in the early 80s.  Only producing 78 episodes, it aired three times a week, and in reruns until 1990.  At its peak, it was the #3 show on the channel, and why not?  It was cool.  It made science cool.  Even if Mr. Wizard was a curmudgeon.

And thinking back, I didn't realize it at the time, but now, Mr. Wizard comes across as a grumpy old man... back when you could be a smarty pants to kids on television and no one would say anything about it. 

Warning... as you can see, the title of the video contains a crass word... I didn't do it, and I would have used the word "jerk" but there it is.  And I can't change it, so please just avert your eyes...

By the way, I totally remember some of these episodes, like the spoon on the dry ice, and I remember many of these kids, like the Indian kid and the "...what?..." kid too.


Hope you enjoyed our little venture to Nickleodeon's heyday...

Denmark Loves Me (and other random thoughts)

So, watching USA Network's latest two-word-titled original series, "Necessary Roughness"... this, of course, follows "Royal Pains", "Burn Notice", "Fairly Legal" and "Covert Affairs"... yes, "In Plain Sight" has three words, but "Psych" only has one, so it averages out.

Powell, Dr. Dani, Nico and T.K.

"Necessary Roughness" is the story of Danielle Santino, a lovely 30-something wife and mother who is a licensed therapist, helping people to quit smoking, halting their addictions and generally helping those clients stop their own self-destructive behavior.

Of course, Dani's own family is falling apart when she discovers her hubby is a total sleaze, which is partly only that has her husband got him another woman, but also that he's got several another womans, her daughter is continually busted for skipping class and her son, though seemingly sane, is following after his dad with his own array of women that he's dating.

Enter Coach Powell (Marc Blucas), an assistant coach (and possible love interest) for the pro football team The Hawks (I missed the city, I think), who has a star player, Terrance King, who is paying tens of millions of dollars but can't hold onto the ball... so Dani is brought on to be T.K.'s therapist--who, of course, doesn't want a therapist. 

Now, Dr. Dani Santino is a therapist of the overpaid prima donna players of a professional football organization.  And that's where we start the storyline for the entire show.

I've tried to watch "Burn Notice" and "In Plain Sight", but ended up missing a few episodes here and there and just gave up, but I think the element of the unusual storyline (football therapist?) mixed with the football culture, which I enjoy, plus a strong cast (Callie Thorne is awesome)... and Nico (Scott Cohen), who's title isn't defined, but is somewhat of... security?  Agent?  Who knows, but Nico is pretty darn cool.

The first episode's main plot is somewhat wrapped up in the episode itself, but I'm hoping this won't be the case... I like procureal (that is, story per episode, very little bleeding over to next week) in "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" and "Law & Order", but when it comes to shows like this, I like the stories that continue... makes for interesting watching.

It's on DVR, and I didn't delete it, I'll just tell The Lovely Steph Leann to give it a shot.  Otherwise, I'm in.  At least til' I miss a few episodes and give up.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Now, here's a little shameless self-promotion... so, I'm huge in Denmark.  Don't ask me why.

On blogspot, you can actually check your stats and see a number of things... readers and page visits over different time periods, "most read" posts, and where your traffic is coming from.  Also, you can find out what countries are visiting your page.

It would make sense, and thus comes as no surprise, that this page is mostly viewed in the United States of America... but if you look at the country with the 2nd most loads its... Denmark?  Like, overseas, this page has been loaded and viewed almost 3,000 times. 

Now, I'm not under any illusions that there are a hundred people in Denmark that checks this page every day, or even a dozen, but I'm assuming that my page comes up under a various assortment of search terms, due to the wide variety of subjects that I talk about on Clouds in My Coffee... but hey, Denmark!  Go Danes!

Also viewed in the thousands would be the United Kingdom, Germany and Canada! 

Speaking of shameless self-promotion, you can also look at traffic sources, and where people are going first to find your website... for some reason, BoldLeather.com and GenesisRealityGroup.com keeps coming up, though after visiting both sites and looking around, I can't figure out why.

But... there is some user name Wilt that I must send a big thank you too... on the website PhantasyTour.com, which I think is a site for the band Phish, they were discussing the concert dubbed "The OJ Show", a concert held on June 17th, 1994... and the message boards were tossing back and forth the thought of doing a show on that date, and how the band apparently had yelled to the crowd "Run OJ Run!"... and some user named Wilt simply posted "Crazy Day", and then gave this link:

http://broadwaydave.blogspot.com/2011/06/june-17th-1994.html

How cool is that?  Thank you, Wilt, thank you.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Another source of referrals for this site is a blog called Happy Harper Stories, and this chick that goes to my church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), writes it a few times a week, and truly, its become one of those sites that I routinely check.  Its a bit hypocritical to ask my own readers to check back every day, when I only check some blogs a few times per week, but I do look at that one.

I've discussed it before, and the Jamie, the author, and I don't really know each other beyond the blogosphere more than "Hello!" and "How are ya" as we pass by each other at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), but we apparently have alot of the same readers, because I get more an a little traffic from her own site.

Her sight is definately a website with a chick perspective, but encouraging nonetheless.  I do think that she and I share a common bond, and that is we are known as "the blog people" at church.  That's not to say there aren't other blogs at church, but there are certain other people who are known for what they do, whether professionally or as a hobby--Sarah Cook is known as The Photographer.  There are other photographers, but I hear her name and see her pics on Facebook more often than not.  Hope is known as the Cake Lady.  Karin, and now Justin Fisher, are known as The Authors.   The Lovely Steph Leann and I have a reputation for being The Disney People (though that's really only within our circle of friends and a slight outlying layer--there are others that are as big of Disney fans as we are).    I'm sure there are others, but I would venture to say that Jamie's blog and my own blog are two of the most familiar to people at church.

Could be wrong.  I am jealous, though, of the layout she's got... not that I want an owl family in a tree with stripes for my sight--works for hers, not mine--but I do wish I were a little more astute when it came to web design. 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Random thoughts I'm having while watching "Inception" for what feels like the 400th time--and still loving it.

• Ever wonder why the world "palindrome" isn't one? 
• Just once, I'd like to hear the automated chick voice say, "Our options are exactly the same, so if you know what you need, just go ahead and press the appropriate button"
• I feel like if milk came in a solid steel container, there would still be that random milk ring on the counter after I move the jug.  How does milk seep through anything?
• Sometimes, when I'm in the shower, I toss my hand up on the glass and drag it down, leaving that weird, smudgy handprint... just like Jack and Rose in the backseat of that old car in "Titanic"
• If you are in the Wal-Mart checkout line, carrying an iPad, talking on your iPhone with your hand that has designer nails, while your kids are holding Blu-Ray movies while wearing their own designer clothes, only to get into anything other than a hatchback or a car thats a minimum of 5 years old, you should not be allowed to use WIC or be receving a welfare check.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

And finally... we have now begun the official process of turning The Cabana Extended Stay Suites and Resort Spa into The Cabana Playskool and Daycare.   The Lovely Steph Leann and I sat down in our expensively nice futon upstairs and began to make lists for our guest room into nursery process... what to do with the hundreds of CDs we have, the hundreds of books we have, cleaning out a closet and possibly trimming down my comic book collection by maybe half, and all the other stuff. 

First task?  Pull out the old computer, plug it in, fire it up and start deleting stuff.  This might take a while. 

The Summer of Blogging Day Twenty Eight

My Yard Goes Disney

Summer of Blogging, Day Eight

So, just finished dinner at the in-laws, and beside me, a refreshing glass of Cheerwine poured into a limited edition glass tumbler, with animated pictures of "The Great Muppet Caper" from McDonald's, circa 1981.

We just recorded, and are watching back, this show on HGTV... now I don't really watch HGTV, because every show on their schedule might as well be called "Kitchens and Backyards That You'll Never, Ever Be Able to Afford TV" or KABTYNEBATATV... in hindsight, I guess HGTV works better.

The show that would get me watching HGTV?

My Yard Goes Disney



Daddy Bradburn holds Little Tommy and says, "I can
tell he's laughing, because his drool is flapping back
on me!"  No, he really said that.

 Apparently, HGTV invited people from all over the country to make videos telling them why they deserved to have a Disney-themed backyard makeover.  The Bradburn family won, and they are getting an unbelievable prize...

A backyard with an 8 foot sorcerer's hat, a Tinkerbell themed teapot that serves as a playhouse, a Tinkerbell themed birdcage kids swing, flowers with kids pics in the middle and topped off with a freakin' train with 200 feet of track running from their backyard into Mawmaw's backyard next door, and of course back again.  All designed by genuine Disney Imagineers. 

They even have train cars and materials that meet the National Amusement Park safety standards... yes, they are hand cranked, but still. 

You know, Walt Disney himself had a train in his backyard, actually steam engine powered, and running through his own backyard... it wrecked, though no one was hurt.  Made me think, though, that back then, you could do that.  However, Walt trying to install a train in his yard and inviting kids from all over to come and ride it, even with his own daughters around, he'd get lots of suspicious parents about that "creepy Disney guy" and probably a few lawsuits when some punk kid wasn't paying attention and stubbed his toe... anyway...

Okay, so I would have totally played in this, even if it is a teapot.  Of
course, I would have played "V" or "GI Joe" or "Star Wars" because
let's face it... a Teapot Rebel Base is a rebel base nonetheless
(cue NBC's The More You Know jingle)

So, in this backyard, the amenties keep coming... The umbrellas match those you'd find on Main Street USA... the Sorcerer's Hat has blue, soft interlocking tiles along the floor... the teapot playhouse is carpeted... there is a flower bed in the middle of the yard yellow flowers making a Mickey, surrounded by red flowers...

Are you dadblamed kidding me?  This is why the terrorists hate us...

Leave it to The Lovely Steph Leann to be realistic... "What's going to suck is, in about three years or so, they are going to have to paint all this crap..."  That, of course, is a Blessed White People Problem...
 
It makes me wonder what happened to those completely stupid tricked out cars on Pimp My Ride... how many were stolen, and how many were repossessed or impounded for lack of insurance, because Billy could barely afford to drive a 1981 Honda Civic with a Kelly Blue Book value of around $575, so do you really think he can pay for the insurance on a revamped 81 Honda Civic with four flat screen tvs in the trunk, a juice maker in the glove box, a Bose sound system, leather seats (made with bits of real panther!) and a disco ball?  Nay nay, I say.  
 

So in other words, "My Yard Goes Disney" is ridiculous.  Over the top.  Absolutely unnecessary.  Probably priced their home out of its possible sale in their neighborhood.  Kids are completely spoiled.  And yes, when they install an Animal Kingdom playground in a yard next week, I'm totally watching.

The War for Late Night

Summer of Blogging, Day Two!  Reading this on Facebook?  Click over to Clouds in My Coffee--gives me another load on the page (onward to 75k!) so you can see the videos...

The Tonight Show used to be a big deal.  Now, its a show that comes on after news, one that Jay Leno is on, one that Conan O'Brien had for a forgettable amount of time (do you even remember anything that happened on the Tonight Show when Conan was on it?)... its a show that you might catch a second of, depending on who is on that night (Vedder?  Adam Carolla?  Tom Hanks?), or you might end up watching Letterman, or now, Kimmel, or yes, Conan on TBS.

But back in the day?  The Tonight Show was a big deal.  Johnny Carson was a big, big deal.  I can only remember him in the late 80s and into the 90s, when I actually paid attention to such things as late night television, but I remember how huge it was when he retired, and even remembered the last two shows... in the next to last show, Robin Williams came out first, and then Bette Midler came and sang a song or two.  At the end, she did a duet with Carson, "One for My Baby (and one for the road)".  You know sometimes when you see something, especially on television, and you know, even at a young age, you just witnessed something magnificent, something classic, something... well, perfect?  

Watching Bette softly sing to Johnny, both with tears in their eyes... that was one of those moments I'll never forget.


The clip has Bette singing a little with Carson, the video blips, and then it cuts to the final performance.  Its just breathtaking, and so filled with emotion.

His final show featured no guests, was more of a "retrospective" show, and opened with Johnny sitting on a stool facing a by invitation-only studio audience, and he said this:   And so it has come to this: I, uh... am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. I want to thank the gentlemen who've shared this stage with me for thirty years. Mr. Ed McMahon, Mr. Doc Severinsen, and you people watching. I can only tell you that it has been an honor and a privilege to come into your homes all these years and entertain you. And I hope when I find something that I want to do and I think you would like and come back that you'll be as gracious in inviting me into your home as you have been. I bid you a very heartfelt good night.

And like anyone who remembers that era vividly, you know what happened after that... Letterman was the heir apparent, the one who was supposed to slide into Johnny's chair, because after all, Letterman had hosted Late Night with David Letterman for over a decade, right?  It was time... and then, Jay Leno got The Tonight Show.  In fairness, Jay was considered a "permanent guest host"... beyond that, I don't know much about exactly what happened, save for the HBO movie "The Late Shift". 

Bill Carter, the guy who wrote "The Late Shift", also wrote the book I just finished reading, "The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy".  And while I have a fairly decent recollection of Letterman vs. Leno, I vividly remember the 2009 battle between Leno and Conan and NBC.

"The War for Late Night" kicks off at the 2009 upfronts, where the new "Tonight with Jay Leno" would be premiering the following fall, a new concept for primetime... a five day per week variety show not seen since the 70s. 

What follows in the book is a brief history of how Jay Leno came to be the star of The Tonight Show, his background from the early days of comedy, Conan O'Brien's Ivy League beginnings and his eventually rise into Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and even David Letterman's history. 

To me, the book opens with a bang (because we know what a debacle the Tonight with Jay Leno show was to become) and closes with a bang, and everything in between is a fast read but totally enthralling. 

When NBC realized that Conan's contract was up in 2004, they were frantic because they knew they would lose him, likely to FOX who, at the time, was making a serious run at him.   So, with very little input from Jay Leno, they promised The Tonight Show to Conan in five years... it was a great solution for the near future, but a horrible solution long-term... perhaps they thought that Leno would be willing to walk away or retire, perhaps they never imagined that Leno's ratings would consistently thrash Letterman (and eventually, Jimmy Kimmel) or maybe they just figured they'd deal with it when it came up, but after five seemingly comfortable years where everyone knew their role (Jay on Tonight, Conan on Late Night, then Jimmy Fallon on The Late Show), 2009 finally arrived.

And all hell broke loose.

The book goes into detail with interviews and first hand accounts of how Leno didn't like the idea of being forced out in five years, and he especially didn't like the idea of leaving when he was on top...Conan worshipped Letterman and Carson, and considered The Tonight Show the coup de gras, the pinnacle, and when he was awarded it, he thought he was on top of the world...

And when NBC undercut him immediately, he realized how quickly it fell apart... it was when NBC decided that the 9pm Jay Leno Show wasn't working, and they were going to move Jay back to 1030, moving Conan to 11pm, that Conan realized it was over. 

The book highlights the arguments, the conflicts and the disagreements, and describes in detail the personalities of those involved--Leno, the people pleaser, who just wanted to stay at 1030, no matter what the show was called... Conan, the lanky red haired host who couldn't believe everything he was given, especially since he struggled with confidence issues... and Letterman, the crusty, grumpy, sharp witted host who has never gotten over the bitterness from being passed over by NBC...

We even get highlights on other hosts like Craig Kilborn, Craig Ferguson, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, though sometimes their backgrounds get a little lengthy, especially when both Craigs are barely mentioned in the latter half of the book. 

One of the biggest revelations for me was when Conan was struggling with NBC's new idea of moving Jay to 1030 and The Tonight Show to 11, and Jay Leno offered to his own bosses to call Conan, to discuss with him what could happen--the bosses told him "No.  Don't do it.  Don't call him."  Conan, however, took it personally when he never got a phone call from Leno, even more so when he found out that Jimmy Fallon and Jay had spoken on the phone recently. 

And when Conan writes his "Manifesto", ostensibly telling NBC to essentially "Go Eff Yourself", its brilliant.  Not too long after that, Jay is relentlessly pummeled in the news and by other comics (though Jerry Seinfeld was pro-Jay), and the book details a hilariously funny, yet almost too-much bit when Jimmy Kimmel comes on the Leno Show and just verbally rapes him on-air. 

  It takes a minute or two to get good, but this is brutal.  I mean, Kimmel just slaughters Leno, right on the air, on LENO'S SHOW--this clip is from Jimmy's YouTube site, as he made sure he filmed it from every angle to make sure he'd have a copy--he paced his answers so closely together to make sure editing would be very difficult--you get Jay's very unhappy reaction in the book.

The NBC execs are portrayed as... well, jerks.  Greedy jerks who really want nothing but the bottom line to be filled, no matter who was promised what, and David Zucker, NBC Top Dog, looks like a complete d-bag.   Though it doesn't give Jay Leno a sympathetic light, you kinda feel sorry for the guy, because he really wasn't given much of a choice, and took a beating in the media over many decisions that weren't his fault.  Yes, he could have walked away from NBC completely when Conan took over, but why would he?  He was being offered gobs of money, plus he never wanted to leave in the first place.  Conan is shown as the victim in the book, the guy who just wants what he was promised, and tries to stand up to Evil Big Network when they try and renege on everything.

I loved the heck outta this book, and now want to find "The Late Shift" and find out what happened between

The 100 Coolest Things of 2010... #70 to 61

The Coolest Things of 2010, 100 to 91
The Coolest Things of 2010, 90 to 81
The Coolest Things of 2010, 80 to 71

70... Facebook DeFriended
Sometimes, you just want to be narcissistic.  Sometimes you get on Facebook and you notice that you have 2 less friends than you had yesterday.  And then, another day later, you gain a friend.  Could it be that people have dropped you?  Could it be that people deleted their account, then recovered their accounts?  If you delete your account, can you recover that account again? 

Either way, Facebook Defriended will take care of your narcissistic needs.  Buy the app for a buck, and you can hook it up to your account.  Then go into Facebook Defriended, and it will tell you your friend list activity over the last few days... who dropped you, who added you and so on. 

Why do I need this?  I don't.  Its a ridiculous app meant to only feed my ego and fuel my wonder of why someone would drop someone as awesome as I am (I say that with a smile and a wink), but still, I check it a couple of times per week.  Because I'm me. 

69... "Love the Way You Lie"
Overall, I'm not a fan of Eminem.  I respect what he does, and his mastery of wordplay and how he sings/raps, because if you just listen to how he does what he does, he's amazing.  What he actually says, however, is quite alarming and discouraging, because he has a ton of pent up anger and aggression in his lyrics, many times towards his own ex-wife.

Sometimes, though, he does get one out there that really makes me smile, one that I really enjoy.  "Without Me" was one a decade ago, while "Lose Yourself" is one that everyone likes.  And in 2010, a collaboration with Rhianna led to "Love the Way You Lie", which has this infectious, memorable opening riff--"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn... that's alright... I like the way it hurts..."

And the video, starring Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan (Charlie from LOST), is just awesome.

Note... Eminem is not a clean guy, so please don't take this as an endorsement of his music.  As in, if you go and download this song, at least the explicit version, and are offended by the language, then don't blame me.  Listen at your own risk.  The album version of this song is not Emmy Turnbow Safe. 

68... Danno Gets a Reboot
I was never a fan of "Hawaii Five-O" in its original inception, not because it wasn't a good show, but because when it when it came on in 1968, I was a few years away from life.  When it ended in 1980, I was five.  When I saw re-runs in syndication, I barely remembered it.

So, when CBS decided to reboot the television show for the 2010-2011 television season, I had low expectations for the show.  Truth in advertising, I have low expectations for many shows when they premiere, because networks now rarely give most shows a chance to catch on... both Seinfeld and Cheers were low rated when they first appeared, but after catching on, they were awarded further seasons, and both went on to become television classics. 

The Lovely Steph Leann and I chose three shows to watch this time around, trying to watch them week by week via DVR, and those would be "No Ordinary Family", "The Event" and "Hawaii Five-O".  All three shows were good, but to me, "Hawaii Five-O" was exceptional.  It was funny, it was well written, and the cast is well placed.  Alex O'Loughlin and Scott Caan lead, with Daniel Dae Kim (Jin from LOST, and its hard to see him as anything beyond that) and Grace Park, and it also stars, of course, the Hawaiian coast line, the volcanoes and the culture.

Well, we stopped watching all three show on DVR, just because we got too far behind... and I'm quite alright with that for now, because "The Event" and "No Ordinary Family" are gone.  The former is in EW's "Danger Zone" and the latter is just scrubbed (which is sad, because it was also a good show).  However, "Hawaii Five-O" made the cut... and we'll put it in a category with "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" and "Grey's Anatomy"... watch it on DVD and get through a season in a few days.

67... The Fury Goes Crazy
Anyone who reads this blog for longer than a few days will know I'm a big Stephen King fan.  And in the early 80s, there was a "Quad-fecta" of novels that I really, really enjoy.  "Firestarter", "Cujo", "Pet Semetary" and "Christine", about a car, a '58 Plymouth Fury with a mind of its own, and evil side, one that cannot be stopped and is raging with jealousy and anger.

Arnie Cunningham is a loser in high school, best friends with Dennis, who happens to be kinda cool, and important enough at school to keep Arnie from getting beat up daily.  This, however, begins to change when Arnie "meets" Christine, a rusty old 1958 red and white Plymouth Fury sitting in a junk yard.  The car has many secrets, a horrible, evil past and slowly begins to change Arnie's life--for the worse, especially when Leigh Cabot, this beautiful chick who moves into town, goes out with him... enraging the car.  Yep, I said that and meant it. 

The book is a quick read, its well written and though not overly frightening, has its creepy moments.  I do remember when I was a kid, having just seen the movie when it premiered on network television, walking home from a football game (we lived two blocks from the high school) and being creeped out at 10 at night because some old truck was sitting on the side of the road, staring at me.  I kept waiting for the headlights to pop on. 

Good book.

66... We Figure Out The Tip
I've got over 140 apps on my iPhone, with games and weather and news and email and interweb capabilities and so on, but one of my favorites, one of most useful apps I have ever purchased is one called "The Tipulator".

Its quite simple.  You type in the amount of your bill, say $32.89.  It will automatically tell you your tip amount, then give you a total.  If you have good service, and want to leave 15%, then it will tell you that you should leave $4.93, and you should pay $37.82.   They give really good service?  You can adjust your percentage from 15% all the way up to 50% (which must be incredible service).  If you wanted to leave 18%, then The Handy Dandy Tipulator will tell you your tip is $5.92.  Poor service, but you still want to leave a tip?  You can knock it down to 13%, which is $4.60.  Or 1%, which is 33 cents.

Other settings include the ability to round your tip up or down to the nearest dollar, or your total amount to the nearest dollar, you can split the check from 2 people to 50.   I have mine set to round the total amount to the nearest dollar, with the tip set at 15% or more.   The price is a mere 99 cents, and I would definitely recommend it if you ever eat out. 

65... Denzel Carries The Word
When movies come out in January, they are usually considered "throw away movies", that is, movies that are dumped into the post-holiday season when most people aren't going to the theaters because they spent too much money during the Christmas season.

But every now and then, they dump a movie into January that turns out to be darn good.  I give you "The Book of Eli".  Denzel is the title character, wandering on a mission through a post-apocalyptic United States carrying what, at that time, is a very valuable and rare artifact--a King James Bible.

This is part of my review on the film:

We see right away that Eli is not a guy to be messed with... he's got somewhere to be, and he's headed that way. And when people try to stop him, he stops them from trying to stop him in the most convincing "don't bother me" way possible. Trouble comes when he drifts through a town and its discovered by the town's "ruler", Carnagie (played by Gary Oldman, who excels in this type of role), that Eli is carrying with him last copy of the Bible.


The film is bleak in color, as many of the movies with this setting are, and language pervades throughout. The sexual moments are very few, with only a couple of allusions to it, mostly within the context of the town's danger. Violence is also heavy in this film, so expect lots of knives and gunshots and big armored vehicles. All that is to say that this movie is NOT for kids. I dare say its not Emmy Turnbow safe, but at the same time, I think Emmy Turnbow would like this movie--at least, an edited version that might come on the USA Network in June of 2012 or something.

Written on June 6th, you can read the full review here.

64... Norah Gets a Duet
Norah Jones is only for certain tastes, because the argument is that "all her stuff sounds alike"... and yeah, thats kinda true.  But if you like that sound, you'll love this album.  In her career, she's done several solo albums and has also done lots of work as a part of other bands like The Little Willies, or projects with other artists, like Ryan Adams or Willie Nelson. 

Released in November of 2010, "...Featuring" is a compilation CD of Norah Jones and.  Norah Jones and... the Foo Fighters.  Norah Jones and... Ray Charles.  Herbie Hancock.  Q-Tip from a Tribe Called ?uest.  And several, several others.

My favorite tracks on the CD are a cover of "More Than This" with Charlie Hunter, a cover of the 80s rock song, and a "Take Off Your Cool" with OutKast, as featured on the OutKast album "The Speakerboxxx/The Love Below". 

And if you think I wanted to mention OutKast's album "The Speakerboxxx/The Love Below" because I wanted to seem a slight bit cooler, then... you may be right.

63... Bruno Loves His Woman
Bruno Mars has had quiet a year... among many of the hits he's helped pen, Cee Lo's "Forget You" was a massive hit, as was Flo Rida's "Right Round", and had a couple of hits of his own, including "Grenade" and my 63rd Coolest Thing of 2010, "Just the Way You Are". 

Its a fun little song about loving a woman just... well, just like she is.  She's perfect.  He tells her that, "when I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, cause you're amazing, just the way you are."

And in interviews, I liked the idea that he doesn't try to go too deep, he just simply says, "I'm a big fan of songs like Joe Cocker's 'You Are So Beautiful' and Eric Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight' - songs that go straight to the point. You know, there's no mind-boggling lyrics or twists in the story - they just come directly from the heart. And to me 'Just The Way You Are' is one of those songs. There's nothing mind-blowing about it. I'm just telling a woman she looks beautiful the way she IS - and, let's be honest, what woman doesn't wanna hear those lyrics?"

62... The Candlelight Processional
One of our several trips to Walt Disney World found us there in December, actually getting a chance to spend a little time with one of my best friends, Melanie, and her family, that being Chris Z (the hubs), and the kids, Special K, Jay Z and The Zach Attack.  And because it was Christmas time, The Lovely Steph Leann was very adamant that we see The Candlelight Processional.

What is it?  Well, at Epcot, its a special Christmas presentation featuring a choir, awesome Christmas music and a reading of the Christmas story--yes, the one from The Bible--by a celebrity.  The small amphitheater, near the American Pavilion, was decorated beautifully, with bright reds and greens all around, and at least a hundred poinsettias adorning the stage and spaces between choirs.

The choir itself consists of mostly Cast Members who auditioned, and
local talents, as well as the orchestra

The Lovely Steph Leann saw The Candlelight Processional in 2009, and just missed Steven Curtis Chapman and ended up witn Anika Noni Rose, voice of Tiana from "The Princess & the Frog"... and this year?  We still missed Steven Curtis Chapman.  He was reading later in the month, but our reader was none other than Ariel herself, Jodi Benson, who I believe is a Christ Follower.

After the choirs filed in, they sang a few Christmas hymns, then Jodi took the stage.  Over the next thirty minutes, music was interspersed with reading from Matthew, and at the end, she spoke briefly on the birth and eventual death of Christ.  And yes, this was all at Walt Disney World, a magical place, but still quiet secular.

Jodi Benson reads the Christmas Story.  We almost had Susan Lucci,
but they moved her around and gave us Jodi, and I was cool with that.

61... "Kick-A**"
Here's what I had to say in June of 2006:

Okay... so, for every reason I shouldn't, I thought this movie was hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Its title that I feel very uncomfortable saying (and don’t, especially on a website that I like to keep PG), its got the same language you’d find in equally as funny movies like “Superbad”, its got comic-book style violence that still produces blood spatter like crazy, and it’s got a bunch of teenagers trying to get some. There is no redeeming quality to this movie.

Let's be clear here... this movie is NOT for children.  As a Christ-Follower, this movie is a prime example of the topic of "what do you place in front of your eyes?", which is another conversation for another day.  I've tried to give you the rundown on the film as best I can, so now its up to you as to whether to see it.  Cindy Jo is probably not going to see this film.  Hurricane Rhett might go out tonight and catch it.

Read the whole post, including the full review, by clicking here.

Coming up... A great indictment of the NCAA Postseason (what?)... keeping my head and hands warm... and later, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife