they shall not grow old

I have to give full credit to my buddy Clay Shaver up in Detroit for really pushing me to watch more documentaries... since I met the guy in 2015 (well, in person... I've known him online since 2013... hashtag Love at AOL) we've discuss many a movie, and many of them have been documentary recommendations from him.

And 2018 was a strong, strong year for documentaries. "Won't You Be My Neighbor" is currently occupying my top spot in my mental list of "Biggest Oscar Snubs", and just as good -- and just as snubbed -- is the Gilda Radner biopic "Love, Gilda". On my agenda to watch in the coming days are "Minding the Gap" and "Three Identical Strangers", both films I've heard rave reviews on.

But I watched something last night that I just had to talk about, a documentary from Peter Jackson (the Lord of the Rings Jackson). He's a World War I buff and a project he's been working on for a while is this documentary. For me, it just kind of came out of nowhere, as I started seeing trailers for it at the end of December, leaving me wanting to see it.

I saw the Thursday night preview, so all following showing may or may not have what I was able to see -- a quick 2 minute intro from Peter Jackson, the hour-forty movie itself, then following the credits, a 25 minute "making of" feature, which is well worth staying for.

Jackson and his team pulled together over 100 hours of film footage and 600+ hours of audio, paring it down into what you see.  The narration of the entire movie is made up of voices of the veterans, each giving one or two lines at a time, sharing their stories. There are at least 120 different voices, so good luck trying to keep track, but the audio goes along with the footage you see on the screen (I doubt you'll much, if any, film of a soldier, with that soldier doing the narration).

Concentrating on the British war experience, the film takes you through the opening stages of the war, all the war propaganda and recruitment, then into the boot camp.  You spend a good chunk of the film in the front line trenches, those huge ditches dug at jagged angles all through the countryside (we are in Belgium for much of this), with the Germans a mere 100 or so yards away.  Bombs constantly going off, the narration voices tell us how they knew if you stood up too tall, or weren't paying attention, you could easily catch a bullet from a sniper.

Who knew that lice was as big a problem as the fear of bombs and bullets? The sanitation in the trench was pretty much zero, as shown by their toilet set up (imagine a pole on brackets, where you sit and take a dump, sitting next to four or five other guys doing the same thing). The rats were everywhere, feasting on scraps the dead bodies, bodies they couldn't do a lot with because they couldn't really risk going outside of the trench very far.

This is a remarkably done scene when you learn the lengths that Jackson's
team went to to figure out what the officer was reading (left). This pic gives
you an idea of the original footage vs the restored/colorized footage.
Remember, this was silent film, so any sounds made were done in this
documentary's production.

There is also a memorizing 15 minute sequence where the narration voices talk about the times when the soldiers would rush the Germans, the hand to hand combat, shooting people at will, even one voice cracking as he tells of shooting a soldier at point blank range, one who was mortally wounded and screaming in pain.

And finally, we see the terrible way the British soldiers were treated when they returned home upon the war ending.  No one would hire them, people were not interested in finding out their stories, they were basically ignored or treated as if they didn't just fight to save the world.

The after-credits feature is also a real gem, showing how Jackson and his team would scan the footage, do close ups to allow for panning, how they made the choice to colorize the film, how they synced up voices with what you see on screen and so many other decisions made to make this film come to life. The soldiers in the movie are never named, their ranks are never identified, its just a inventive and incredible way to show life in a British WWI trench, with pictures taken from 100 year old copies of War Illustrated to show the combat scenes.

Be aware, though it's not over the top, some of it is graphic, mostly through pictures of killed soldiers lying on the battlefield, many of which are missing parts of their heads, their faces, limbs and so on. And one guy's foot is totally jacked up due to gangrene. I mean, really jacked.  Yuck.

I loved this movie, and its sad to me that it's not Oscar eligible... they missed the submission deadline for this year's Academy Award eligibility, and because it's a 2018 film, they won't be eligible for next year's awards either. Which is sad because this was one of the 1 or 2 best documentaries from last year that I've seen, and even though its the 22nd "new to me" movie I've seen in 2019, its the only one that I give a 4-star rating.

It's worth noting that Jackson said he didn't involve historians in this movie because he wanted the veterans to tell the story through their own eyes. "It's a film made by a non-historian, for you, the non-historian"

And it 's worth the time.

And it's worth staying through the credits just for that ending song.

two docs, one fyre

There are two things I really enjoy in my entertainment life... pop culture and pop culture documentaries.  So when I got the word that Netflix was doing a documentary on Fyre Fest, I was hooked before I saw the first shot.

I checked my Just Watch app on Tuesday and was totally confused, as Hulu showed a documentary called "Fyre Fraud". I wondered if Netflix had loaned it's doc to Hulu for some reason, or maybe I misunderstood which streaming service would have it... nope, turns out, Hulu undercut Netflix and released their own doc a few days before Netflix could.  All's fair in love and docs, I guess (after Netflix bragged on Hulu during the Golden Globes!  Shade!)

Two docs about an event that most people had forgotten about

Here's the set up... In 2017, Fyre Fest was this massive paradise event down on a Bahamian island where thousands of people would converge for two weekends, see musical artists like Blink 182 and Ja Rule, hang out in cabanas and yachts and possibly meet up with the celebs and see lots of "social media influencers".  I am not sure that job existed 10 years ago, but apparently its a thing now.

Influencers like Bella Hadid and hundreds of others posted and promoted, including posting up a simple orange square, then telling people that Fyre Fest was the place to be.  In fact, Kendall Jenner was paid $250K just for posting said square.

But the event itself was a complete fiasco of the highest proportions.  Nothing was built, no musical acts were there, the infrastructure of the island wasn't stable, there was no food and water, barely any plumbing, and those yachts and cabanas turned out to be wet mattresses inside of FEMA tents that were left from Hurricane Matthew. Hundreds of teens and millennials and up were stranded on this small island with no place to go and no way to get home. And it got ugly fast.

So I saw "Fyre Fraud", the Hulu doc, first.  And it is fantastic.  Focusing on William McFarland, who was the man behind Fyre Fest, it follows him from his early days as a scam artist up until he was making real money conning people. And it all led to promising 1000s of people that the biggest concert around would take place in the Caribbean, with all the big names and social media influencers you could imagine... and it was both sad and hilarious at the same time, watching the Fyre Fest team shake their heads about the impossible position they were put in.

This one orange square posted and reposed 1000s of times helped sell out
Fyre Fest, including selling yacht and beach home spaces that didnt exist

Hulu seems to not only point a finger at Billy McFarland, but also a few of his associates, including the Jerry Media group he partnered with, and even some to rapper Ja Rule, who was involved as well. Another thing that has some people irked with Hulu was that they paid him to appear in their doc, but to me, it was worth it to watch him look so uncomfortable on camera, and say a lot of things without saying really anything at all -- he is obviously well rehearsed in how to dance around answers and never admit to anything. In short, he is a total scumbag.

So then, Netflix releases it's documentary today (Friday Jan 18), and I'm pretty much pumped as can be for it. Officially titled "FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened", it was actually made in conjunction with Jerry Media.  That did send up a red flag to me, as how unbiased can it be if the people in one documentary are helping to tell the story in the other?

Well, the Netflix doc (also fantastic) points it's Spotlight of Blame directly at Billy McFarland and doesn't let up. It jumps right into the Fyre Fest planning, starting 5 months before the festival.  Keep in mind that festivals of these size takes a year, maybe 2 years to put together, and that's likely after a plan is already in place.... McFarland thought he could do it in 5 months, and that's as he was shopping for an island to purchase.  Yes, this dude thought of the festival first, started promoting it, then went to buy an island for it. (purchasing an island once owned by Pablo Escobar. Yep. That's a true story)

Because you know it's a disaster, you watch with a sense of anticipation, knowing this house of cards that McFarland is trying to build is about to crash, but you just aren't sure exactly when... and it gets worse than you'd think. To the point where one of McFarland's assistants was instructed to go meet with a Bahama official to get a trailer full of bottled water released, and was told to... well, take one for the team and do something pretty unbelievable to get that water. It's mind blowing how many bad decisions, either knowingly or not, were made in this thing.

Both docs give you time frames of "5 months until..." and "6 weeks until...." and "5 days until..." and you just marvel at all the things that aren't done and won't be completed -- and how McFarland just keeps moving forward.

He wasn't featured in the Netflix doc, but his partners were, and they all tell the tale of how promising it sounded but how it quickly became unfathomable that it would happen. Netflix's "Fyre" is much more in depth than Hulu's "Fire Fest", not only in what happened on that island...

(one attendee talked about how when the sun went down, "the camaraderie was over", the looting began, tents on fire and so on. And honestly, I am shocked that neither documentary mentioned anything about sexual assault... either it didn't happen, or they just didn't report that)

...but also what happened legally when it call came crashing down .

(cut to Billy sitting in a massive NYC penthouse, with a small staff, sending out emails to people to sell them VIP passes to things like MET Gala, Victoria's Secret fashion ship, and meet n greets with Taylor Swift... it's important to note that the MET Gala is invite only, Victoria's never has VIP passes and TayTay doesn't do meet n greets.)

Someone in the Netflix doc makes the point
that it took 100s of models and celebs posting
an orange square to build Fyre Fest, but only
one picture of a cheese sandwich to bring it
all crashing down. 

After discussion the documentary on social media, I'm a little surprised on how many people have never heard of Fyre Fest, as it was a massive story in 2017.

Admittedly, I knew little about it as it led up to the event, because I didn't pay any attention to Bella Hadid or any Jenner or Kardashian or anyone else you could call a Social Media Influencer, so both of these movies really helped tell the story, both in their own way.  You could layer them atop one another and you'd get mostly different interviews with much of the same perspective. Hulu has one of the island workers who was trying to spearhead construction, while Netflix talks to one of the local restaurant owners.  The owner of the now infamous Twitter account @FyreFraud (his name escapes me) was in both movies, telling the same type of tales.

Both movies also show you the sheer power of social media, and the power of its users... when reports began to leak out about Fyre Fest, including the infamous picture of the cheese on toast, which really solidified everyone's fears and suspicions that Fyre Fest was truly a fraud.

Plus the ugly side of social media comes out when post after post is shown of people reveling in the misery of "rich kids", some of which sold all of their possessions,  their cars, quit their jobs and cashing out college funds  to come to the Bahamas.  As comedian Ron Funches says, "If you had $1000s of dollars to go on a trip to see Blink 182, that's on you.  That's Darwinism at it's finest." Indeed.

If I had a preference, I'd pick Netflix's version, only because it is deeper and more in-depth about the festival itself, but I loved how Hulu gave you the backstory on McFarland's previous scams, including the creation of Magnesis, which Netflix barely touches on.

See the both if you can.

they call him the bandit

As I get older, the movie stars that consumed my childhood do the same. And as they were already miles ahead of me in years when I was a kid, it only stands to reason that we will lose them steadily as time goes by.

Another piece of my childhood passed on today. RIP, Burt.

I'm just awaiting the day when I'll see on Twitter that Clint Eastwood has passed on... he is 88, after all.  Or Harrison Ford, who is 76.  Or even Dick Van Dyke (92), Robert Duvall (87) or Julie Andrews (82).

Even my boyhood love Rene Russo, is sitting pretty gorgeous at 64.  And Michael Keaton just had a birthday, and turned 67, and I thought "Wow... that guy is almost 70..." and despite the number of years so many of my boyhood favorites have lived past 70, that 7 decade number seems to be my mental age of demarcation where I subconsciously think, "Okay, now they are on a 'we could lose them'" list.  I think it was Steven Spielberg turning 70 in 2016 that it suddenly clicked on the mortality of Hollywood.

And so today, while I was not shocked at all, I was still saddened by the news that Burt Reynolds had died. On one hand, how is that possible?  He's the freakin' Bandit, for gosh sake. Bandits don't die!

Well... yes, yes they do. Just like Snowmen died (Jerry Reed in 2008) and Sheriff Buford T Justices die (Jackie Gleason in 1987), Bandits do pass on.

Reynolds... oh, whatever, I'm calling him Bandit... so Bandit starred in a boatload of movies, many of which are likely forgotten, regulated to that side of our brain that is only accessed when trivia comes up, or you see the title flash on your DirecTV or Dish guide as you scroll past AMC or FXX on a Sunday afternoon.  Or the type of films you'd see on WGN as the movie of the week were this, say, 1998.  Movies like "Stick" and "Heat" and "Gator" and "City Heat" and "Sharkey's Machine" and "White Lightening" and "Physical Evidence"... these are movies most of you will not remember... well, I'd say in a year or two, but I can say later today. I barely remember them and I co-host a 340+ episode movie podcast.

Then there are the movies that he's really known for.  The aforementioned Bandit films (1 and 2 especially... 3 is an abomination, even for these movies), and as Jack Horner in "Boogie Nights", a film that he later expressed regret over because of the subject matter, despite the comeback it meant in his career and the Supporting Actor nomination the Academy gave him.  And who can forget "Deliverance", his breakout role as Lewis, the leader of a group of guys who are out fishing in the woods to horrible consequences.  Squeal like a pig, Ned Beatty.  Indeed.

He even did some TV work, spending years on CBS in "Evening Shade", a staple for my parents every week.

But it was this 10-15 year run in the 70s and 80s that made me a lifelong Bandit fan. The movies I watched over and over and over, the ones that sealed themselves in my memory as "great films" that I know upon a rewatch today, would be proven wrong... well, except for this fifth one.

Here are my five favorite Burt "Bandit" Reynolds roles:

5 - Paul Crewe in "The Longest Yard" (1974).  I actually saw this in the last five years or so, and while the Sandler remake isn't terrible (Bandit even shows up in that one too!), "Yard" is a funny and still somewhat dark comedy about a group of prisoners who play football. Eddie Albert is the Warden, as is a great villain.

4 - Hooper in "Hooper" (1978). Bandit is this stuntman trying to prove himself, even with upstart Jan Michael Vincent's Ski on set to try and be the better stuntman.  Admittedly, I hadn't seen this in a while, but I remember this cavalcade of 70s stars, including James Best (also Roscoe P Coletrane), Robert Klein, Adam West (the original Batman), Terry Bradshaw (he kept trying to act... see #1 below), and 70s That Guy Robert Tessier

Onc could argue that the true star of this movie is the car. And one
wouldn't necessarily be wrong. 

3 - Bandit in "Smokey & the Bandit" (1977) and "Part II" (1980). I'd venture to say this is Bandit's most iconic role, even above "Deliverance" and 'Boogie Nights", and if a movie about hillbilly rapists wasn't enough of a breakout, then this sent him over the moon, as he became the biggest star in the world.  And why not? This movie, with barely a script, a co-star (Sally Field) who feared this movie would ruin her career -- and who Burt fell in love with -- and an unproven director became the 2nd biggest film of 1977, behind some forgotten flick called "Star Wars".  Toss in Jerry Reed as his semi driving BFF, a basset named Fred, an obsessed, racist, rude sheriff on his tail and an iconic, black T-Top Trans Am, and you've got a hit. Make a part 2, have a bunch of county mounties and Mountie mounties take on a few dozen semi trucks, and you've got me hooked for life.

SIDEBAR:  In "Smokey & the Bandit Part II", Bandit and Snowman have to haul a baby elephant across the country. Towards the end of the film, Bandit takes on Buford T. Justice's brothers (also played flamboyantly and over the top by the impeccable Gleason) with a fleet of trooper and Canadian Mountie police cars. Snowman shows up with a squad of Semi Trucks, and for 8 year old me, this 20 minutes was the highlight of my year. It was so funny, and hilarious, and cool, and watch that car bend in half and oh look Bandit is driving over the tops of the semis and so awesome.  Problem is, I re-watched this not too long ago... its not 20 minutes.  Its 2 minutes.  And it's so bad. Everything I thought I loved as an 8 year old stayed with me being 8 years old.  Use caution when revisiting your youth. 

Their chemistry was great, and I even had the diecast car of the
ambulance they drove.

2 - Stroker Ace in "Stroker Ace" (1983). Bandit is a NASCAR driver caught in a contract under the jerkface Clyde Torkel (Ned Beatty, eating up the scenery in a very chewy movie), and is forced to race in a chicken suit. Toss in Loni Anderson as love interest/publicist Pembrook Feeney, Jim Nabors and crew chief Lugs, and a fantastic Parker Stevenson as rival driver Aubrey James, and it's a delight.  This movie is the definition of so bad but so stinkin' fun.

And finally, my favorite Burt Reynolds role:

JJ McClure in "Cannonball Run" (1981). I cannot tell you how much I love this movie. This is a prime example of a film that hits you at just the right age, a film that if anyone else watched it, they may or may not hate it. Because its a ridiculous movie, filled with stars from the day -- Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, country star Mel Tillis, Terry Bradshaw, Farrah Fawcett, Adrienne Barbeau, Roger Moore, a newbie Jackie Chan and many, many more. And they are all in a race across the country.  JJ McClure and his buddy Victor (the late and so, so great Dom DeLuise) decide to use an ambulance to race in, figuring the sirens would get them moving faster.

Fast cars, pretty girls, funny jokes, an awesome soundtrack by Ray Stevens (that opening music is so great) and fantastically whimsical theme by Chuck Mangione, then one of my favorite fight scenes in all of movies (the whole cast up against a biker gang) that DOES hold up, as I've seen it recently, all make for a movie that I would watch right now, and will be watching when I'm 50, 65 or even 82.

Yellow hat. Its funny. Because it's bigger than a normal hat.

PS... Avoid Cannonball Run II.  It tries to recapture the magic of part 1 and just can't do it. 

So thanks Burt. Thanks for all you did, thanks for helping my childhood movie fandom develop, thanks for driving that ambulance, that chicken car, that T-Top, and even that speedboat in "Gator".

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin', we gonna do what they say can't be done. We gotta long way to go and a short time to get there, I'm east bound and watch ol' Bandit run... 

Also... don't discount Norm McDonald as Turd Ferguson on Saturday Night Live's "Celebrity Jeopardy". Its one of the funniest things to ever be on that show in all it's 45 years

dino ex machina: a jurassic review

I was originally going to do this review as a part of a Dozen Movie Dash, which is a random post that I do giving quick reviews of a dozen recently seen films (which, until last night, I didn't realize how random, as I haven't done one since 2014)

As a part of the DMD, I figured I'd talk about "Tag" and "Action Point" and maybe Dolly Parton's "Nine to Five" that I just watched, and of course, talk about "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom", which I saw this weekend...

Then I realized my review was longer, so taking on 11 more films would make this an obnoxiously long post... not that that has stopped me -- I mean why say in 500 words what I can say in 1500, amma right?  Up top!

So I figured I would just give this it's own post...

The reviews for this have been all over the map -- it sits at 50% critics and 62% audiences scores on Rotten Tomatoes, and 6.7 on IMDb, and after watching it, I could see where someone would love this movie, and where someone would hate it.  If you wanted more of the same as "Jurassic World", then you get it -- if you wanted a different story, then you are out of luck.

Without giving too much away, the general story is the Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard, who I really like, though I'm more a Jessica Chastain fan in the "Pick one of the two actresses that are nearly the same") is recruited by the extended family of John Hammond (Richard Attenborough, from the first film, though he is only referenced -- Attenborough died in 2014) to go get the dinosaurs on Isla Nublar. The island is being destroyed by a volcano, and Claire, who has strong armed Owen (Chris Pratt) into coming along, is to assist in getting a least a few of each species onto a transport ship, where they will be taken to a new habitat to live in peace for the rest of their days. But, of course, not is all as it seems.  

Here's the thing... we love dinosaurs. And in "Jurassic Park", we got them... and they were amazing. They were incredible, unlike anything we'd ever seen.  With "Lost World Jurassic Park" and "Jurassic Park III", some of the luster was gone, as the story was sacrificed to show us more impressive dinosaurs.  So when "Jurassic World" came along, some 14 years later after JPIII, we were ready to be dazzled again, and we were. A new generation of teen fans were discovering the T-Rex and the raptor and other extinct creatures, with new characters and new story lines and more!

But something happened between "World" and "Fallen Kingdom".  They pulled the checklist out and made sure that what made the first one so good would also be in the second one... 

• Jerk military guy. Check!  
• Invented dinosaur creature. Check!  
• Claire's plucky and wisecracking assistants. Check!
• Kid involved. Check!

And, something I've dubbed Dino ex Machina.  Remember in the very first Jurassic Park, when Grant and Ellie and the kids are surround by raptors in the lobby of the main building of the park?  All hope was lost, they were about to get eaten... and suddenly, the T-Rex comes out of nowhere to save the day??  And then at the end of "Jurassic World", Claire and Owen and the kids are cornered by Indominous Rex, and are about to get eaten... and suddenly, a giant sea monster comes out and eats them??  

Dino ex Machina.

When the dinosaur pulls a deus ex machina and improbably saves the day. And there are several of these moments in "Fallen Kingdom", by the way. It's lazy writing and was a little irritating.

One of my favorite movie jokes ever

SIDEBAR:  The official term is "deus ex machina" and is from a Latin translation of a Greek term "god from the machine."  It's defined by Wikipedia as "a seemingly unsolvable problem in a story is suddenly and abruptly resolved by an unexpected and seemingly unlikely occurrence, typically so much as to seem contrived. 

My own personal favorite example of this is in the movie "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" where Peter, played by Vince Vaughn, has sold the gym to White Goodman - Ben Stiller - and despite winning the tournament, is still under threat of demolition by Globo Gym... until Peter wheels out a literal treasure chest, informing White that with the money he got from selling Average Joe's Gym, he gambled it into enough cash to purchase the majority stake in Globo Gym, thereby now owning both gyms.  And on the treasure chest?  "Deus Ex Machina".  It's a brilliant joke that I think a lot of people never notice.  Thus, when a T-Rex or other dinosaurs suddenly rescue our heroes... Dino Ex Machina.

Overall, despite the last several paragraphs, I enjoyed the movie. It was loud, it was a little tense (though the fate of the main characters were never in ANY question), and the CGI was good. The best part of the film is what takes place on the island, though we are done there by the first half hour, and its onto the rest of the movie.  It's nice to see Dr Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) but he's completely under utilized in his bit parts. 

I guess you could say this movie is "Brain Candy", meaning, its loud and blowey uppy and roar filled and people in danger but the real people we love are never in real danger, and Brain Candy isn't a bad thing. Its a movie you don't have to think about, it's a movie you can just watch and not be encumbered by the thought process... but that pro is also a con, because the original "Jurassic Park" is a very smart film at it's core, even with it's absurd premise.

So go see it at the theater to get the full scope of the visual and audible... but keep your expectations lower than you want.

PS... I think you'll agree with me... the first one should have been called "Jurassic Island".  This one could have been called "Jurassic Kingdom".  The final one in this trilogy (and honestly, let's hope the final one for a long time) could have been called "Jurassic World"... and you'll see that in the 10 second blurb AFTER the credits. 

the first scary movie

Out of the 2800+ movies I’ve seen in my life time, I can tell you the last 200 movies I’ve seen—I started last year, keeping track of each movie seen, typing them into my little note app… I saw 109 in 2013 (starting with Les Miserables on 1/1/13, and ending with RIPD on 12/31), and I’m up to 95 now for 2014 (starting with American Hustle on 1/2/14) and I just saw Hotel Transylvania on 10/27.

But what are the first movies I’ve seen? The first movie ever?

There are three movies that are interchangeable in my memory as my first movie I remember seeing. If I close my eyes, I can visualize snippets of each of the films--all very different movies, about as different as you can possibly imagine.
I cannot say one of these films is the absolute first film I ever watched, because who knows what I saw when I was under the age of movie accountability…
It could have been “The Muppet Movie”. My mom/grandparent’s good friend Cathy took me to the movies to see this great movie, and I remember Kermit on the log singing “Rainbow Connection”, and that scene where Animal takes the growth pills and busts through the ceiling of the old country store.

Or maybe, it was “The Shining”. Yes, that Shining, the one with the evil hotel, and Jack Nicholson, I saw that at the drive-in theater with someone, though I don’t know who. I’m pretty positive it was a family member.

Finally, it might have been “Any Which Way You Can”… wait, was that the first one? Or the second one? The other is “Every Which Way But Loose”… they both have Clint Eastwood as the oddly named Philo Beddoe, with Geoffrey Lewis as his friend Orville, and Ruth Gordon as Ma and Sondra Locke as Lynn Halsey-Taylor.

Random thought, sometimes when I take a drink from a water fountain, I see the name “Halsey Taylor” on it, which must be a water fountain manufacturer of some sort... when I see that name, I think of Sondra Locke and these movies. I might be the only person in the entire world’s population of 6 and ½ billion people to think of Sondra Locke that often, but there it is.

Anyway, I remember a big fight—Philo fought for money--and remember Philo, Orville, Lynn and Clyde, the orangutan, in a pick up truck, when they get pulled over by an officer on their way out of town, the officer tells them that he lost a lot of money betting on the other guy… Philo says, “Right turn, Clyde”, and you see this monkey arm out of the truck window throw a punch, nailing the officer in the face and knocking him out. The credits roll as the truck drives away on the desert highway. There’s this cool song that plays over the credits called “The Good Guys & the Bad Guys”, which, according to Wikipedia, was done by John Durrill… and thanks to the magic of iTunes, I just downloaded it like, right NOW, and am listening to this song for the first time in about… 20 years, at least. Maybe 25. My life rules.

I just checked on the timeline—it’s the second one. Oh, one more thing about “Any Which Way You Can”… well, a few more things, because this is my blog and I wanted to talk about this… first, the guy that Philo fights, Jack Wilson, is played a guy named William Smith, a bigtime character actor of the 60s, 70s and 80s. That cat has been in over 300 productions from TV and movies… “Any Which Way But Loose” is the first one, in 1978, and had the late, great Eddie Rabbitt singing the title track… Glen Campbell sings “Any Which Way You Can”, the main song from the 1980 sequel.

I had a completely different point for this post, before I got sidetracked by bad Eastwood films from the late 70s and early 80s…

My question is… what’s the first movie that scared you? I have an answer for myself, and it’s one word: “Poltergeist”. This wasn’t the first film I’d ever seen, as mentioned above, but it was probably in that top 20 or 50 movies I’d ever seen, ever. As a kid, I also remember snippets of “Time Bandits” and “ET” and watching “The Empire Strikes Back” (and later, “Return of the Jedi”) in the theater… but “Poltergeist”, I remember vividly.

I was 7, and the year was 1983. I lived with my Granny and Grandpa (who I called Mom and Dad growing up, as they raised me) in an apartment in Austin, Texas—they ran the joint, the Villa Rio Apartments… 4551 Airport Boulevard, Apartment 301, Austin Texas 78751… but for summers, my grandmother and I would usually go visit one of my aunts either in Florida, or like this summer, Hampton, Virginia, to see my Aunt Betty, my cousins Shannon, Frankie Jr and my cousin Marty, who I kind of idolized, cause she was older, really pretty, really smart and could do no wrong in my book. She’s still pretty awesome, 32 years later.

Anyway, don’t ask me how it came up, but somehow the film was on television. Perhaps it was a beta tape, perhaps it was one of those new fangled “VEE CEE ARE” things, but either way, the family was watching “Poltergeist” on tv… and it scared the living crap outta me.

The movie centers around the Freeling family, with dad Steven (Coach) and mom Diane (an 80s crush worthy JoBeth Williams), and their three kids, oldest daughter Dana (the late Dominique Dunne), middle child Robbie (Oliver Robins, who went on to do Airplane II: The Sequel) and the most famous of all, Heather O’Rourke as Carol Anne.

One night during a storm, the kids crawl into bed with Steven and Diane. This is back when there was little to no cable TV, and most stations when off at midnight, signing out with the national anthem, then going to a snow filled screen until early the next morning when they resumed broadcasting. Carol Anne is awakened, she crawls out of bed, seemingly being called to the TV… she gets up close to the screen, placing her hands on the front. She then watches some sort of white entity, a spirit come out of the television and then shoot into the wall of the bedroom. Carol Anne says, “They’re here…”

And this is where it starts. Crazy things start happening, as little as chairs sliding across the floor and glasses breaking on their own to a tree reaching into the window and trying to eat Robbie while he sleeps.

Let me say that again… during a storm, a tree uses its branches like arms, reaches into the bedroom window like you would reach onto the dashboard of a car from the outside, and grabs Robbie, trying to swallow and eat him. And while this is happening, Carol Anne is then sucked into the walls of the house.

What.

Later, as they call in experts to find Carol Anne from whatever ghostly dimension she’s in, a Beast like creature shows its face, we hear the phrase “Go towards the light Carol Anne!” uttered for the first time, and after a guy sees a rotting steak move across the counter on its own power, he then rips his face off. Like what what.

This movie terrified me to no end… I’m watching it, mesmerized, and yet, now realizing that my house too is probably built onto an Indian Burial ground, just like the Freeling house. Like, I too will be be sucked into the wall…

Or worse yet…

...The house has been determined spirit free by the scientists who came… and of course, instead of hightailing it out of there with the family, they decided to spend one more night in the home. Big mistake.

Robbie is in his bed, trying to sleep. There is this clown puppet that he has in his room, again, I’m not sure why, and it’s resting in a rocking chair. Robbie looks at it, stares at it, then tries to throw his jacket over it to cover the clown face. The jacket slips off. Robbie hides under the blanket, then dares to look once more and…

…and the clown isn’t there. Okay, for me, at this point, I wouldn’t even be in that house, I’d be sleeping on a park bench if needed, but were I stuck in that room somehow, I would not do what Robbie does… no, I’m taking a leap off of that bed to the door, and hightailing it downstairs as fast as I could go.
But no, Robbie takes a different approach. He slowly looks over the side of the bed… sees only floor. And then he does what we would all do (and by “all do”, I mean “no one would do”)… he slowly peers down until he sees under the bed.  Nothing.  But as he gets up, the clown is right behind him, wrapping those skinny arms around Robbie's neck and then dragging him under the bed. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Warning:  this clip contains scary clown things, and JoBeth Williams in her underthings being thrown around the room.  You may see "underthings", but trust me, ain't nothing sexy about this scene.  It's terrifying. 

Then, we see Robbie fighting off the clown... Diane outside yelling for help, falling into the swimming pool that they are installing, skeletons popping out of the water, then graves and coffins coming through the ground as the house collapses in on itself.  I mean, what's not to love when you are 7 and already afraid of the dark?

When I saw this film, it scared me for years, and I mean "years".  I wouldn't hang an arm, a hand, a leg or a foot off the side of  the bed at night, and wouldn't dare to ever look under the bed.  Ever.  Ever.  You die like that.  I was about 14 or 15 before this started being a little easier.  And my closet door also stays open, to this day.  I want to see the monster in the closet as it comes out to eat me.  I still think about this film from time to time.  I've seen it in recent years, and can see how it's a bit dated--some of the effects are a little off, and you can even see the way the clown arm wraps around Robbie's shoulder looks very fake... terrifying, but fake.  It's a great film.

Interesting story... at the time, it was cheaper to buy real skeletons and use them then have plastic skeletons manufactured, so that's what you see--real bones.  Also, JoBeth Williams wasn't bothered by the human skeletons, she was more concerned about the wiring around the movie set, and her being electrocuted due to the muddy water she was required to be in.  Producer Steven Spielberg got in the water with her, just off camera, telling her that it was safe, but if she died, then he would too.  Whatta guy.

Also, it's widely been rumored that director Tobe Hooper, who's credits included the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, didn't actually direct this film, but that it was Steven Spielberg who called the shots.  Both Spielberg and Hooper have vehemently denied this claim, with Tobe Hooper getting defensive many time about it... however, Zelda Rubenstein, the short little old lady named Tangina who plays a pivotal role in getting Carol Anne back from the spirits, has been very vocal when asked, saying that Spielberg was the only director she saw for the six days she filmed, and that "Tobe was only partly there"... this echoes the sentiment held by several other cast members.

And, finally, the movie is known for the "Curse of Poltergeist", due to the fact two of the cast members died at a very young age... Dominique Dunne, who played eldest daughter Dana, died six months after the film was released in June of '82 at the hands of her abusive boyfriend.  Dunne was 22.  And Heather O'Rourke, the Carol Anne character, died at the age of 12 in 1988 from complications due to surgery.   Also, two other actors featured in the sequels to the movie died unexpectedly.  The Curse is attributed to the fact they did use the real skeletons in the film.  And you can choose to believe it or not...

As for the sequels, stay away.  Both "Poltergeist II: The Other Side" and "Poltergeist III" are terrible films.  Just run. 

So there ya go.  What started out as a wandering journey through two of Clint Eastwood's arguably worst best worst craptastic films has ended up in the scariest movie I've ever seen.

Poltergeist is the essential scary movie, perhaps a perfect ghost story.  It's not gory, it's not violent, it just preys upon everyones fear of the dark, of what's under the bed, and the unseen.  It takes a simple snowy screen that we all have seen before and makes it sinister and turns a two word phrase spoken by a six year old little blonde girl--They're here--and makes it one of the most frightening things you can imagine.  If you haven't seen this film, you owe it to yourself to do so.

And the music on the ending credits... so creepy.  And the clown.  Yeesh, that clown.  I hate clowns. 

under the skin: a scarjo movie review

My Scarlett Johansson fandom has come on recently, mostly from "The Avengers", but also because I think she's turned into quite a great actress. And yes, she's a looker.

So, I watched "Under the Skin" starring her and a bunch of other dudes you've never heard of, nor will ever hear from again. It's a science fiction sort of movie, with some suspense, and a van, and made in some foreign country, and a dude with a messed up face gets nekked and she's weird and...

...well, she like, is this chick who... uh...

...okay, so, she does her first nude scene in this film, and it's really weird because...

...what I mean by that is, she... I mean, what she does is...

...like...

...uh...

...this movie is perhaps the weirdest movie I have ever seen in my life.

I literally have nothing else to say about this movie.

this is where i leave you: book vs movie

It's rare that I can watch a movie, then read the book nearly immediately after, but I was able to do so with "This is Where I Leave You".

Written by Jonathan Tropper in 2009, the novel chronicles the Foxman family, who is forced to come together for a week of sitting "shiva"--a Jewish tradition where the family greets mourners for 7 days--when the patriarch of the family passes away.

 

The main protagonist of the story is Judd Foxman, third oldest of the four children in question, who finds his life simply falling apart when he discovers his wife in bed with Wade, his boss, a radio shock jock who show Judd produces.

Judd finds himself renting a shoddy room from an Asian couple, while still paying the mortgage on the house that his wife Jen and Wade are now living together in.

The cast also comprises of Wendy, the oldest of the children and only girl, who's husband is a business only executive and is starved for attention... Paul, the eldest brother, who stayed behind to help the now deceased father with an electrician business... and Phillip, the youngest, the wildest and considered the family screw up. Phillip seems like a good guy, but can't stay away from women and trouble.

The mom, Hillary, is the author of a parenting book from a way, way long time ago, who used her own children as examples in the book of dos and donts, of which all four kids suffered humiliation from classmates because of it. Across the street is Horry, an old flame of Wendy who suffered an accident some years ago, and has brain damage. Horry lives with his mom, Linda, who is very close to Hillary.

The spouses join the cast too.. Barry, the aforementioned hubby of Wendy, and Alice, Paul's wife, who is a bit flaky and is desperate to get pregnant. As for Phillip, well he shows up with his girlfriend, a mid-40s therapist knockout named Tracy. And finally, there is Penny, a close friend (with benefits) of Judd's from his teenage years, who still lives in town and who Judd develops an eye for.

Got all that? Good.

The cast of characters is marvelous. Tropper does a great job of giving each one their own distinct personality, their own sarcastic streaks and their own soft spots. As wise-cracking as Wendy is, she has a couple of deep, touching chats with her brother Judd, while Paul, seemingly the even keeled brother of the family, nearly comes unglued at the end due to several past and present incidents.

The book is filled with comedy--and language--and many heart warming moments as you can see the dysfunction of the family from the first few pages, as well as Judd's life completely falling apart one by one. His discovery of Jen, the wife, and Wade, the boss, in his own bed is one thing... how he reacts is both sad and hilarious at the same time.

The book is not one long plotline... there are several subplots along the way--how does Wendy really feel about Horry? Where does Linda fit into all of this? What extreme measure will Alice go to to have a baby?--but it flows nicely, and I found myself eager to get to the next chapter... and a day after finishing it, I kinda wished it had gone a little further.

The movie version has a steller cast... a bearded Jason Batemen is perfect for Judd Altman (changed from "Foxman"), as his body language and reactions are just as great as his vocals... Tina Fey plays Wendy, and though she seems a bit more sardonic and mean spirited in the book, I do love me some Tina Fey, so I was happy with it... Corey Stoll, a character actor in movies and some TV shows, takes on Paul, and does fine, while Adam Driver, who you might know from the HBO show "Girls" (I wouldn't know, because I don't watch it) but you may have heard about because he'll be a villian in Star Wars Episode VII, coming December 2015, is absolutely brilliant as Phillip.

Jane Fonda is nearly perfect as the oversexed mother of the clan, Hillary.  Then, bring in Connie Britton, who is gorgeous, as Phillips older, saddened lover Tracy, Timothy Olyphant as a quiet Horry, Dax Shepard as the very unlikable jerkface boss Wade, Kathryn Hahn as a subdued version of usual antics as Alice, and Rose Byrne as Penny, and you've got yourself a great cast.

Kathryn Hahn intrigues me, because in the movies I've enjoyed watching that she happens to be in, like "We're the Millers" or "Anchorman" or "Wanderlust", she's all over the place. She's loud, screechy, annoying and many times, dressed down or fluffed up where she's nearly unlikable. I've now seen two films, the very good "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" and this film, where she is wonderfully loveable. I hope this continues. I like normal Kathryn Hahn.

And while my Hollywood girlfriend is Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with), if I ever decide to take my affections across the pond, I'm not sure who'd win between Emily Blunt or Rose Byrne for my affections. Just sayin.

Back to the film...

The book goes in directions that it's obvious the movie cannot go, hence it risk a very hard R, or even an NC-17 rating... that's not to say the book is dirty, but... Alice, who wants a baby so bad she can't stand it, does one thing in the movie to help her have a baby... and in the book, does that very thing, but ten times worse. Judd's reaction to finding Jen and Wade together, while both are upsetting, are markedly different between the book and the movie.

Plus, there is an entire subplot that outlines the chasm in the relationship between Paul and Judd in the book that the movie never even approaches... probably for time, but it's a great story told, and it gives you a little more understanding into both characters.

Overall, I loved the book. Loved the way it was written, loved the story it told and how it told it. I can tell you that I liked the Paul in the book better than the Paul in the movie, but I would have loved to have seen this cast performing the book itself. Tropper did write the script for the film, and did a fine job, but of course, the book has more.

Glad I read the book, may never read it again... glad I saw the movie, will probably watch it when it comes on Starz in Batement in July of 2015--I mean, Rose Byrne, Tina Fey and Kathryn Hahn? I say yes.

And soon enough, I just saw "Gone Girl", and I'm halfway thru the book (though I stopped it over a year ago, so I'll likely start at the beginning again)

the edge of a dozen movie dash

Here's what I like to call "The Dozen Movie Dash"... a quick review on 12 movies I've seen recently, some new, some old...

MALEFICENT (2014)... If you love the original film, you may have an issue with this retelling of the Sleeping Beauty story. Well, not if you love it, I mean, if you are a loyalist to the original animated film... because this takes that film, flips it over like an Etch-a-Sketch, shakes it, and redraws a new tale... and this tale is very polarizing, as most people either love it or hate it. I don't know that I loved it, but I liked it very much.

Those cheekbones are a little weird... but overall, she's fantastic in this role.

We see Maleficent as a young fairy, meeting Stefan for the first time, forging a friendship and growing up together... and we see the heartbreak Maleficent had when Stefan forgot all about her, in order to chase his dream of being a human king. As the original story goes, a daughter is born (by a queen we see for a few minutes, and then hear that later, she's sick), is cursed by Maleficent, and is put into the care of three bumbling fairies named something, another and whatever (not the Fauna, Flora and Meriweather we all know and loved). The story does take a turn somewhere towards the end, though you might predict the "True Love Kiss" aspect of it, especially if you've seen "Frozen", and ends in a big battle scene, complete with the requisite dragon and everything.

The star of this film, though, is Angelina Jolie... she is completely mesmerizing. I'm one of about four guys in the entire world of 7 billion people who doesn't find Jolie all that attractive (she looked her best when she looked all mussed in "Gone in Sixty Seconds"), but in this film, I was just captivated. When she's onscreen, you can't look away, as they put her perfectly sculpted face and ruby red lips front and center each time. Even the cuteness of Elle Fanning as Aurora can't take anything away from AJ... and I'm okay with it. "Maleficent" is Angelina's movie, as I cannot think of anybody who could have done this film as well as she did.

Love it, like, dislike or hate it, this isn't a movie you'll forget, especially Angelina in the title. role. Rated PG for fantasy violence.

EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014)... There are three things that I learned about this film. First, Tom Cruise still has it. He's excellent in this, he plays cowardice (early in the film) wonderfully, and we know he can be the hero (the rest of the film) from all the other movies he's been in. Second, despite what you hear, this isn't "Groundhog Independence Day", though I could see how one might think it. The whole plot centers the planet Earth, in the midst of an alien invasion, and a solider named Cage (Cruise) who ends up replaying the same day over and over... when he dies in battle, and in the beginning, it's very quickly, he wakes up again the day before, in the same spot. Only every time he starts over, he has learned a little more. Unlike "Groundhog Day", you learn in "Edge" of exactly why he is coming back again and again. And the story itself isn't entirely living the same 24 hours over and over again... the plot expands, and it's very well written, comical at just the right time, and a great popcorn movie to be enjoyed.

Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise facing off in their battle gear.  As long as
Tom stays away from "Oblivion 2", we're okay.

Oh, the third thing I learned? Emily Blunt is beautiful. Well, I already knew this, but she's great in this. PG-13 for language and science fiction violence.

MILLION DOLLAR ARM (2014)... In this typical Disney sports film of overcoming the odds, Jon Hamm is JB, a sports agent who has seemingly lost the account that will save his agency. Things look grim, things look bleak, things look downright impossible... and yet, one night, while randomly watching Indian cricket with his friend and business partner Aash, he gets the stroke of inspiration he needs... hold a talent competition in India to find the next, great Major League Baseball pitcher. Off he goes, and first it doesn't work out, then it starts to, and then there are trials and tribulations and toss in Alan Arkin being crotchety as usual, then Bill Paxton in a low key coaching role and the gorgeous Lake Bell for eye candy, plus a few unknowns from Bollywood... and you have this movie.

I liked it okay enough, but I won't remember it in six months. PG for language and drinking and such.

AMERICAN HUSTLE (2013)... I loved this film. I thought it was great, it was inventive, it was funny, and it was so, so well written. The all star cast includes Christian Bale, Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with), Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner, who has gotten no love in the last awards season for his part even though his hair alone was amazing... of course, the movie itself got no Oscar love either, nominated for 10 or 11 awards, and won absolutely Zero of them.  The director is David O. Russell, who did The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook... and yeah, those movies contain a many of the aforementioned cast.

Lots of cursing, as you'd expect from a Rated R film to contain... now, the story is a con movie. Who's conning who, who's telling the truth, who is lying, and so on. I figured it about 2/3rd of the way through, but that didn't lesson the enjoyment of the film at all. If you liked The Fighter or Silver Linings Playbook (both are superior films), you should enjoy this--the performances, which are marvelous, outdo the story itself.

PAIN & GAIN (2013)... I'll watch anything with The Rock, and am a big fan of Mark Wahlberg as well, so this had potential. Set in the mid-90s, Daniel Lugo (Wahlberg) recruits his friends Paul (The Rock) and Adrian (Anthony Mackie) to help kidnap a millionaire (Tony Shalhoub) because they all feel like they deserve more, and "they are doers". Full of random comedy, yet wanting to be a crime story too, it sorta works. A little long for my tastes, and its hard to believe the characters are as stupid as they are--of course, it was based on a true story. One of the funniest parts sees one The Rock actually grilling hands that have been cut off from dead bodies... to remove the fingerprints. Suddenly the scene freezes, and the words "THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY" are shown on the screen... and I laughed heartily. Rated R for lots of language, some random boobage, and lots of violence.

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE (2014)... Following the success of 300, which was a great movie, this is not only a prequel, but its a sequel... and a... concurrentqual? The storyline of Rise of an Empire begins before the events of "300", during the events of "300" and continues after the ending of "300", with many callbacks to the "300" characters, notably Leonidis (Gerard Butler). His widow, played by Lena Hedley, plays a big part in this one, as well as former Bond Girl, Eva Green. Honestly, I couldn't decide if I found Eva Green attractive, or if I was terrified of her. Not as good as "300", but not as bad as you think it would be. Rated R for language and boobs. And violence.

 

You'll find yourself singing that "Everything is Awesome" song a whole
lot after you see it.  It's addicting, as it should be.

THE LEGO MOVIE (2014)... Everything is awesome! Everything is awesome when you see this film... Everything is cool when you are watching this film, everything is awesome! This movie is great... I mean, just great. Its fun, its original, its funny, its filled with hidden jokes, the cast is perfect (Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Morgan Freeman, Will Arnett, so many more), and the ending scene has a great twist that I did even see coming... I know a few people who don't like this movie, and I just don't get how you can't at least find this movie mildly amusing. Its great. Rated PG.

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS (2013)... This film is excellent. I mean, just excellent in so many ways. The cast is brilliant--Tom Hanks shines as Captain Phillips, while newcomer Barkhad Abdi is the lead Somali pirate, Muse, is both creepy and menacing and sympathetic and pitiful all at the same time. It took a slightly different direction than I expected about halfway through, though the movie is all the better for it... based on a true story, this movie is thrilling and pretty much non-stop all the way through. Rated PG-13 for violence.

THE INTERNSHIP (2013)... Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play two dudes who need some direction in their lives, and they end up applying for an internship at Google... there is this summerlong program where people compete in teams, with the winning team landing jobs at the Google empire. Of course, Owen and Vince get placed on a team of misfits (like Dodgeball... or The Watch... ), and though I won't spoil it for you, you can guess where this leads... especially when you toss in Pretty Girl that Seems Unattainable But You Know Will Be Attained and Arrogant Dude That Always Gets His Way Until This Movie, Where He Will Get His Come-Uppance characters. Typical, predictable, yet Owen and Vince are charming enough to make is sorta funny. We enjoyed it, but we also like those guys alot, which might have helped. Rated PG-13

Here is the DIVX cover.  It's all bad.

FIRESTORM (1998)... After the success of Christian Slater and John Travolta in the military plane "Broken Arrow" (a film that is awful awesome awful awesome), someone said, "Hey... Howie Long did pretty good as Travolta's sidekick. Let's give him a movie!" Then someone else said, "Hey! Let's put fire in it!" and then someone else said, "Oh, fire in the wilderness!" and then some big suit down at the end pounded the table with a closed fist, saying, "Dang it! That's it! We make Howie a fire fighter in the woods! By jove, we've got it!" And so they made it. And the results are pretty stinkin' awful. I mean, its bad. Rated R for language and violence.

ENOUGH SAID (2013)... Out of all the great performers we've lost in the last year--Dennis Farina, Larry Hagman, Philip Seymour Hoffman--one of the biggies was James Gandolfini. He was such a versatile actor, and in this romantic comedy-drama, he shows even more range. A divorced father ends up meeting a divorced mother, played perfectly by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and somehow they hit it off. Things get complicated when they end up knowing the same people, and try to make a relationship work, even though neither have dated for a long time. The movie is sweet, and funny, and bittersweet all at the same time. It never tries to bill the characters off as sexy or hot or perfect, or even likable, though they are very likable. The movie just shows them as real people, which is what makes this movie so fun and real. I loved this film, and at the very least, you have to appreciate the performances by both Julia and the late, great Gandolfini. Rated PG-13 for language and sexy stuff.

MONUMENTS MEN (2014)... With a cast like George Clooney, Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, that guy from The Artist, and more, how can this movie not be the best movie like, ever. The premise is that in World War II, there were a group of soldiers commissioned to track down and save priceless works of art, those paintings and sculptures and more that Hitler had seized and stolen, to open his own self-aggrandizing museum in Germany. This is based on a real story, from a real book that I read earlier this year.

And like the book, this movie just didn't do it for me. It felt like a series of vignettes that were only slightly connected to each other. It ran long, parts were just uninteresting, and though the book itself tells you of the hundreds, maybe thousands of men who were a part of this Monuments Men team, the movie doesn't even refer to anyone else but the immediate team. Just eh. Disappointing more than anything, because the cast itself almost promises you a better film, and it breaks that promise.

And a bonus...
NEVER SLEEP AGAIN (2013)... On The Deucecast, we do an Assigned Films segment, where we assign each of the other two co-hosts a film to watch and be prepared to discuss them on the next episode. Sometime we get funny, and give movies to each other that we know they will hate, just for laughs, and other times we hand off movies that we genuinely think the other person will like. And then, for fun, sometimes you get handed a 3 hour and 58 minute documentary about "The Nightmare on Elm Street" films. So, over the course of the last week or so, I watched it via Netflix, in bits and pieces, when I could.

And I loved this movie. Every second of it. Now, I'm not a huge Nightmare on Elm Street fan... I liked the original, I thought the third one was pretty good, and the seventh, "New Nightmare", in which all the actors actually play themselves, suddenly terrorized by Freddy Krueger, who has escaped imagination and entered the real world, was just cool.

Though the 238 minute running time is itself a nightmare, it's really an extremely easy watch--it's broken up into 15 and 20 minute segments, each concentrating on a different film in the series. Starting with the first, then the second ("Freddy's Revenge"), then then third ("The Dream Warriors"), then fourth ("Dream Masters), fifth ("The Dream Child"), then the sixth ("Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare"), then the finale ("Wes Craven's New Nightmare") and ending with the encore ("Freddy vs Jason").  Somewhere in the middle, the film even has a segment devoted to the short lived late 80s TV series. 

Along the way, you get great interviews with the actors in each movie, some of them with characters that die in the first few minutes, others that live through multiple films, and of course, lots of Robert Englund (who plays Freddy), Wes Craven (the creator of the series) and Robert Shaye (the former CEO of New Line Cinema, who released the films).

For anyone is even a passing fan of the Elm Street series, this movie is worth a watch, even if you only catch it segment by segment. It goes by much quicker than you think, it's entertaining and it's full of behind the scenes tidbits on how to make scary movies on practically no budget whatsoever.


So there ya go... twelve thirteen movies for your enjoyment... choose wisely.

x-men love

Oh, do I love the X-Men... I collected comic books as a kid, and I thank X-Men for that.  I walked down to the IGA Foodmart in Samson, Alabama, and would get a few issues every month, as my allowance would allow it... and when they released the X-Men vs The Avengers 4 issue limited series, which centered around the arrest and trial of Magneto, I was over the moon.  Still have all 4 issues in good condition buried in my comic boxes.  The reason they are only "good" and not "mint" or "near mint" is because I read them about 50 times each... loved that storyline, plus the pictures of The Avengers locked up with the X-Men in an actual physical brawl.



 

Through college, I couldn't buy many comics, and I kinda lost touch with the stories and the series, but in 2001, when I knew there was an actual "X-Men" movie coming out in May of that year, starring some dude named Hugh Jackman, plus Halle Berry and Captain Picard and, of course, the young and beautiful Anna Paquin... well, I just had to go get me some X-Men comics.  And I did, stopping by Captain Comics (was over on Lorna Road, though the shop has been closed for at least 10 years) and diving headfirst into several series, but my favorite were, of course, The X-Men, followed by The Fantastic Four (I had a comic thing for Sue Storm) and The Avengers.  Because I was working two jobs, I had some money to work with at the time... I likely dropped $50, sometimes $80 per month on comic books--I'd take them to my little cube at the radio station office I worked in, and in between projects, I'd read. 

But it was truly the X-Men movie that sparked my revival.  Now, I don't buy many comics (re: any) because they are just so doggone expensive... when I was buying them, and my monthly issue of Mad Magazine, back in the late 80s, the comics were about $1.00 each, maybe $1.25, and my Mad Magazine declared on the front cover "$1.99 CHEAP!"... when I had my comic buying renaissance in the early 2000s, they went from $1.99 to $2.50 to $2.99 each in the span of about 2 years.  Now?  $3.99 for a regular issue... the art work and graphics are awesome, but when it costs $40 for ten different issues?  Nope.

I guess for those not fully seeing the X-Men appeal, maybe you don't know what I'm talking about... here's a nerd explanation...

First, X-Men are a team of mutants--humans who were born with various "gifts", everything from shape shifting to extraordinary healing... back in the 60s, Stan Lee came up with the concept of "mutants" to explain how to give some of his characters powers without making them otherworldly.  They are mostly Earth-born, but different.  And the mutant struggle for acceptance has been many times connected with the struggle of the homosexual community in what they've gone through over the years for acceptance and such.  Not sure if that's where the artists were truly going with that over the years, but there you go.

Psychic and wheelchair bound (long story) Charles Xavier helps to round up some of these young mutants to train them to start a team, the X-Men, with the likes of Cyclops (fire shoots out of his eyes), Beast (scientist Hank McCoy turns blue and... beastly), Jean Grey (another psychic) and various others, usually doing battle with the evil mutant Magneto, who can control metal at will.

Of course, there is Wolverine, aka James Logan, a sometimes out of control rough n tumble mutant who's special power/gift is healing, but he also has bone claws that can come out of his hands--in a later storyline, those become "adamantium", an almost unbreakable metal. 

So then you've got the bad guys, like Magneto and Mystique and The Brotherhood of Mutants, who believe that normal people are inferior, and that mutants should rule, and will do whatever they need to do to rule such "ungifted people"... you get the drift.

All this leads to "X-Men: Days of Future Past", the movie we watched last night... based on one of the most popular storylines in the comic series history, it makes a few changes to the original story to tell a tale of time travel, dark pasts, darker futures and assassinations.

The movie opens years into the future from the present day, where giant robot Sentinels are wiping mutants off the face of the Earth.  Through some trickeration, Professor X and Magneto, along with young mutants Shadowcat (also known as Kitty Pryde), Pyro, Iceman, Bishop, Warpath, Colossus and a few others help to send Wolverine back in time.  The purpose is to stop the then-young mutant Mystique from assassinating scientist Boliver Trask (played to the hilt by Peter Dinklage).  The killing sparks a series of events to which the Sentinels are then created and sent out to murder the mutants (leading to the future we saw at the beginning of the movie)

However, when they stop Mystique, they discover things to be even worse.  Hugh Jackman is Wolverine, and by that I mean, he IS Wolverine.  All others in this franchise of films can be replaced--but he is an important to X-Men movies as Robert Downey Jr is to the Avengers series.  He's the focal point.

The stellar cast also includes the gorgeous-in-whatever-she-does Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique, in full blue body paint... Sir Ian McKellen reprising his older Magneto role... Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde... James McAvoy as the young Charles Xavier... and Michael Fassbender, who owns the screen every time he's on it, as the younger Magneto.

The movie itself was spectacular.  The action was great, the story was great, the script was well done, and new mutant Quicksilver (Evan Peters) nearly stole the film out from under everyone... the "Time in a Bottle" sequence is one of the most well done X-Men sequences since the opening scene of X2: X-Men United with Night Crawler.

Sorry, did I lose you again?  Well, the opening scene of the 2nd X-Men movie, aptly titled X2: X-Men United, introduce the mutant Night Crawler, who can teleport, and its an amazing scene.  The Quicksilver scene here was nearly as good.

Finally, there is the matter of all those other X-Men films, and how does this connect?  The answer is simple.  It doesn't.  Except for when it does.  Except for those times it almost does, but doesn't, but then does.  "Days of Future Past" draws heavily from the previous film, "X-Men: First Class", and has several nods to the first two movies, X-Men and X2... it kinda ignores "X-Men: The Last Stand", the 3rd film, which is ok because several of us ignore that one too. And only sorta references the two stand-alone Wolverine films, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" and "The Wolverine"...

...but as you'll see at the end of this film, the writers were clever enough to set it up where all that doesn't matter, and from here, they can kinda do what they want. 

There you have it.  Go see "Days of Future Past", even if you aren't a comic fan, you'll catch on pretty fast.  Go read some graphic novel collections of the X-Men, including the original story, as told in Uncanny X-Men #141 and 142.   Watch this movie, then read this hilarious spoiler filled explanation of everything you just saw.


X-Men: Days of Future Past is 3rd in my Happy Summer 100 list.

2013 movies... the best part two

So, finally... after the my favorite ten movies of 2012 and before that I watched in 2013... here are my top ten films of 2013 that I saw in the calendar year of 2013... hope that makes sense...


10... Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)... Trumping its predecessor, 2010's Star Trek, (but only by a bit), this sequel jumps into action, and goes full blast nonstop til its very end. Added to the mix is Benedict Cumberbatch--which sounds like a villain's name, only he's the actor--playing Khan. And Khan is a villain... or is he? That's a good question that the movie takes its time to answer. The cast is perfect--Chris Pine as Kirk, Zachary Quinto as Spock, Zoe Saldana as Uhura and so on, the special effects are visually mindblowing and the story is solid. Loved this movie... hence, my top ten.

9... Prisoners (2013)... First... Hugh Jackman is freakin' awesome in this movie. I mean, unbelievable. He's a dad, along with a subdued, yet terrific, Terrence Howard, who's daughters are kidnapped. They find a suspect, Paul Dano, arrested by Jake Gyllenhaal, but can't hold him... so our dads kidnap Paul and torture him for information. And it tosses up the moral question of "What would you do?" that many movies ask but can't pull off--this one does, though. Its quick, its serious, and it just sticks with you... and the cast is superb, with no wasted roles, characters or scenes.

8... World War Z (2013)... Right out of the gate, WWZ tosses you right into the action... Its a not only a zombie movie, its a smart zombie movie, and Brad Pitt is great as a scientist and family man racing around the world to try and find a cure for what ails them. A smart, undead film is a rarity, and I really enjoyed this one. The shot of the zombies climbing the walls in Israel is pretty fantastic.

7... Monsters University (2013)... Being a Pixar fan, it was hard to not like this movie. While I don't consider it one of the best Pixar films around, and as time goes by, I think we'll hold the original Monsters Inc as the superior of the two, Monsters U is just really entertaining. The college aspect of it makes it a bit nostalgic for those of us who look fondly on our own college days, while the newer characters are all kinds of fun to watch and get to know. The "backstory" on some of the characters is fun to watch too, especially when you realize the relationship that Randall (the Monsters Inc bad guy) had with Sully... don't think too much, though, because some of the events here don't quite line up with the events of the first film, leaving you with a "If that is supposed to happen later, then why did they do ____ in this one?" kind of feeling.

But the animation is spectacular, and miles and miles ahead of 2003's Monsters Inc. Great movie, so much fun.

6... Gravity (2013)... There are some movies that you should see on the big screen, like "Star Trek Into Darkness" and "Monsters University"... and then there are some movies that almost require a large screen viewing to understand, to comprehend the scope and magnitude of the feature film you are witnessing. "Gravity" is one of those movies. It is epic, it is grandiose and it is harrowing.

A movie came out a few years ago that totally freaking The Lovely Steph Leann out, and made me all kinds of edgy, that being "Open Water", about two people stranding in the middle of the ocean with sharks all around. This is like that, except in space.

You see two faces, really--George Clooney and Sandra Bullock... and Sandy is the one that remains throughout the entire film. First, and foremost, its a gorgeous film... its a visual masterpiece and is so wonderfully put together. The acting is superb, the story is strong, and at 90 minutes, it doesn't keep going 20 minutes after it should have ended. It knows when its story is done. This is probably one of the top two or three BEST movies of the year--but this is my FAVE films, so its at #6.

5... The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)... Its great when a sequel meets and even surpasses the first in the series, and this one manages that feat. Katniss is back, done so well by Jennifer Lawrence, with her co-horts, the unfortunately named Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) and Haymitch (Woody Harrelson), and through the decisions of a sadistic president of the country, is forced to once again fight in The Hunger Games... this time against previous winners. 

I read all three books in the past year, and "Catching Fire" was my favorite of the three, so it was great to see the movie follow the book so closely... for time's sake, obviously there were chunks cut out and a few things changed for time, but overall, even though I knew the outcome, I was still kept in suspense as it went on.

4... Fast & Furious 6 (2013)... One of the reasons I enjoy "Ocean's Eleven" so much is that you can tell everyone is just having a ball of fun being around each other, eating up the dialogue--which I'm sure much of it was ad-libbed... and its great that they don't take themselves so doggone seriously. Those things, plus the knowledge that you won't be winning any awards with what you are doing, is what makes the last two Fast & Furious movies a blast. 

Vin Diesel, my mancrush The Rock, the returning Michelle Rodriguez (she's not dead! Spoiler!) and the late, great Paul Walker return for some silliness about The Rock needing to stop a crime boss, so he reaches out for Vin's help and gets the gang, like Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson, back together...

But honestly, who cares? The plot is a little predictable and passable, but they know this, delivering funny one-liners and self-reverential humor... and the main star? The action sequences, which are completely absurd, are a blast. And, as I said before, the best part of this, these guys are having FUN... they know this will never be up for any kind of real award, so they wanted to make the most entertaining movie possible... and they succeeded completely. 

3... Saving Mr. Banks (2013)... In our January 5th, 2013, episode of The Deucecast, our movie podcast that I co-host, we did a "Top Ten Movies Most Anticipated 2013 Films, and here was my list: 10-Fast & Furious 6... 9-Iron Man 3... 8-The Hunger Games: Catching Fire... 7-Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (I still haven't seen this)... 6- Star Trek Into Darkness... 5 (tie) The Wolverine & Man of Steel (meh)... 4-Oblivion (blew that call)... 3-Grown Ups 2... 2-Monsters University... and my most anticipated film of 2013... Saving Mr. Banks.

Being a Disneyphile, when I heard about the prospect of this film--Tom Hanks was Walt Disney, it was filmed partly at Disneyland, it told the story of how Mary Poppins was acquired--I was giddy, and the film that I waited all year long for, didn't disappoint.

Emma Thompson is marvelous as the unsettled, impatient PL Travers, the creator and writer of the Mary Poppins books, and rather than be mad at her for being so temperamental, the film shows her as a child, and what she dealt with that grew her up in the manner that she did.

Also wonderful in a supporting role are BJ Novak and Jason Schwartzman, who play the famous Sherman Brothers, and also someone who has gotten only a little notice, Paul Giamatti, as PL Travers personal limo driver. The whole cast is wonderful, and its a family film through and through. 

2... Frozen (2013)... Disney is on a roll. I submit to you their last three animated features.... Tangled... Wreck it Ralph... and now this one. The tale of two princesses, Anna and Elsa, the former being a goofy little girl who grows up to be a goofy, lovesick teenager, the latter being the more responsible one who becomes the queen... only she has ice powers she cannot control.

The music in this film is just tremendous, especially with the Idina Menzel's power bomb "Let It Go", but don't let that overshadow the other songs, especially Olaf the Snowman's whimsical ode to what it must be like in the summertime... and no one wants to tell him what happens when a snowman meets summer. This film is gorgeously drawn, well executed, and even its flaws can be overlooked for how great it actually is. 

1... The Way Way Back (2013)... Talk about a surprise entry outta nowhere... this is the simple story of a boy named Duncan who travels with his mom (Toni Collette), and her skeezy boyfriend (Steve Carell in a completely different, welcome, role) and sister to vacation in Cape Cod. Duncan deals with all the parts of being 15, but also the emotional abuse he gets from Trent, Mom's boyfriend, and his cold sister, plus his Mom who always takes her boyfriend's side of everything.

Friendless, he meets Susanna, a daughter of a neighboring, friendly family, and then ends up visiting--then getting a job with--the local waterpark, Water Wizz.

And this is where the movie really soars... Sam Rockwell is Owen, the guy who essentially takes Duncan under his wing, with co-workers played by Maya Rudolph, and the directors of the films, Nate Faxon and Jim Rash. 

Its a true coming-of-age story filled with fun moments, growing up, remember whens and you cheer for Duncan when his life hits the upswing, and feel for him when he gets knocked down again. And seeing Steve Carell play a bad guy is just wonderful as well.

So there you have it... my favorite 2013 films I actually watched IN 2013... So glad you stuck around, now on to other things!


(#500Words... 1670 written in February, 13,330 to go for #15KinFeb)