ole miss losses, auburn wins and florida still sucks

This is a few days late from my normal round-up, but here’s what I saw from this past weekend’s college football extravaganza

FIRST… OLE MISS LOSES IN THE MOST OLE MISS WAY POSSIBLE
Their star receiver has the ball, running in the end zone with less than a minute to put Ole Miss ahead, forcing Auburn to have to score a touchdown in the remaining 20 seconds or so. It was perfect, as Auburn would suffer it’s second defeat of the season, likely being eliminated from the Football Final Four. Ole Miss would show the nation that it can rebound from an upset loss last week to an improving LSU, and even moreso, make the Egg Bowl, vs Mississippi State, later this season a monumental bout.

And yet, not only did Laquon Treadwell fumble the ball, he fumbled it as a result of his ankle being caught under a tackling Auburn player, an ankle that snapped, while his head gets clocked from the affronting tackler, and another flying Auburn guy coming in at the last second.

Auburn holds on, and are forced to subdue their celebration. It’s a brutal way to lose a game… because not only did they lose a hard fought, up-until-then excellent game against a top five opponent, a de facto elimination game, they lost it on a mistake made by a star player who was taken out of not just the game, but the season.

SECOND… AUBURN WINS IN THE MOST AUBURN WAY POSSIBLE
Like it or hate it, the Auburn Tigers roll on. They are a great team, perhaps the best team in the country… sure, they lost to Mississippi State, but if they play on a neutral field, I’d put my money on Auburn. I believe that Auburn wins out, including a win over Alabama, because they have played the most rugged schedule of anyone. And that Kansas State win, in Kansas, looks really good right about now.

They beat Ole Miss. It was a crazy ending, a heartbreaking ending, but they won the game. And move on.

THIRD… TCU WILL WIN THE BIG XII
Maybe their defense doesn’t look all that good, but they figure, heck, we’ll just score more points than you and win it that way. Texas Christian is going to win out, as the Big XII front loads their hard games. If they can get past Kansas State this weekend, and I think they will, an 11-1 Big XII Champ that scores like, 187 points per game will be hard to ignore come playoff time.

FOURTH… ARKANSAS IS THE OLD MISSISSIPPI STATE
Like, every year until this year, State was that team that was always pretty good, but not really good, and most teams like Alabama, Auburn, Georgia, LSU and the like would be favored against… but if you weren’t prepared for them, they’d beat you and ruin your season. Well, now that Hail State has moved up into the echelon of top SEC teams—for now, anyway—Arkansas has fallen into that role. They almost beat Alabama. They were a play away from beating Georgia. They lost to State by a touchdown. And in two weeks, they’ll likely lose to LSU, but will make them work for it.

FIFTH… WEST VIRGINIA IS THE MISS STATE ARKANSAS OF THE BIG XII
Like Arkansas is this year, and Hail State usually is, it’s the Mountaineers of West Virginia that cause the damage. Beating Baylor, taking TCU down to the final few minutes, they are the fly in the ointment of everyone who comes to Morgantown.

SIXTH… FLORIDA STILL SUCKS
Sure, they beat Georgia. But let’s be clear… had they beaten Alabama, there would be cause for celebration. Had the Gators knocked off Ole Miss, or Auburn, then let’s tear the goal posts down. If they beat Florida State, especially in a blowout, then heck, it’ll be insane. But… they beat Georgia. Don’t get me wrong, Georgia is a good team and all, but everyone expects Georgia to lose one, maybe two games they are supposed to win. They already lost to South Carolina (that’s one) and then to Florida (that’s two). They’ll likely lose to Auburn at home, and still back into the SEC title game.

Freakin’ Will Muschamp. He was supposed to lose and all but guarantee his dismissal by the end of the year. And now? He has an outside shot to keep his job, especially if they back into the SEC East title and the conference championship. He can’t even get fired correctly.

AND FINALLY… THE BIZARRO SEC EAST
We can all admit that at the least, the SEC West is a good division. I’ve been on message boards recently, and people are not bashing the power of the West, they are bashing ESPN’s eternal coverage of it. I can see that, but honestly, you are fooling yourself if you don’t put the West at the top in terms of “best divisions in college football”. What divisions will you put ahead of it? Exactly. Sure, you can argue for Florida State being the only thing that matters in the ACC Coastal Atlantic Leaders East or whatever division they are in (does it matter? No one cares about the ACC except for FSU, Miami, sometimes Clemson and VA Tech every third year), but the only people really defending FSU’s dominance are Florida State fans and that’s it.

The SEC West is four teams—and if you count LSU as the powerhouse spoiler, five—battling for supremacy. The SEC East? Like, what? Vandy sucks, Tennessee, though improving, won’t stop sucking til at least next year, Florida is all over the place, Kentucky continues to give you hope only to let you down after Week 6, South Carolina is nothing more than Spurrier’s hobby at the point, and that leaves Georgia and Missouri.. Mizzou has a shot at the title, but Georgia still leads the division… but Florida could still get in? It’s like, no one wants to win this division at all… which makes sense, because it’s a little like the play-in game in March Madness—hype and hoopla and celebration to win a game that puts you in another game, where you’ll be slaughtered by whatever the #1 seed is.

Either Georgia, Florida or Missouri is fighting to not be the team that loses by 27 to Alabama, Miss State or Auburn.

MY NEW TOP TEN
1. Mississippi State
2. Auburn
3. Alabama
4. TCU
5. Florida State
6. Oregon
7. Georgia
8. Ole Miss
9. Arizona State
10. Michigan State

MY FOOTBALL FINAL FOUR RIGHT NOW
1) Mississippi State… 2) Florida State… 3) Auburn… 4) TCU

good bo or bad bo: saturday's football

As I've done in the last few weeks, here's my take on what happened today in the world of college football... as I type, there is about 6 minutes left in the USC/Utah battle, with USC leading 21-17, with the Trojans deep in their own territory. Here's the day:

First... Good Bo and Bad Bo Is Not a Good Thing, Its a Bad Thing

Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace is a great player. The problem is, everyone asks themselves before Ole Miss plays, "Will we get 'Good Bo' or 'Bad Bo' tonight?" Folks, that's a problem. If your quarterback is unreliable enough that you actually have nicknames for your playing levels, that's not good. Apparently, it was Bad Bo tonight... Ole Miss went into Death Valley to play LSU, and the carriage turned into a pumpkin for the Rebels dream season... 17-10, in a defense struggle, Ole Miss leaves with their first loss of the season.

Not only that, but the last :15 seconds were just bizarre... with :09 left on the clock, Les Miles calls a timeout to "ice" instead of sending their guy in a field goal attempt--and yes, because of a stupid penalty, at 47 yards it was right on the edge of their kicker's abilities--coach Hugh Freeze does this trickeration where Bo tosses a quick pass which was.... intercepted./

Not only did the timeout actually ice the coach, that's a lesson Freeze learned the hard way... it's very hard to out Les Miles Les Miles.

Update... 17 seconds left, Utah has the ball at the 1/2 yard line

Second... Auburn's Defense Just Showed Up to the Game... Two Hours After It Finished
What defense? Auburn scored 42 but gave up 35, in a game that was closer than that. The South Carolina Fightin' Spurriers nearly had their way with Auburn, but did what Spurrier usually does... they somehow found a way to lose. So an Ole Miss loss and an Auburn win sets up...

Third... A One Game Playoff
I love this four team playoff system. Love it. Love it. LOVE it. When there were two teams only, according to the BCS, many of the games we are watching are moot--I mean, they are important, but one loss really just knocks you out. With Florida State playing Bessemer Tech at home and then the Colorado School of Mines later, they'll be undefeated, meaning everyone would playing to get that one single spot against FSU... so there would be about three teams with a legit shot.

Update... Utah just scored, 8 seconds left, will be 24-21 after the PAT is made.

Now? Like, at least a dozen teams have a shot at the four spots... Florida State, Alabama, Mississippi State, Auburn, Ole Miss, Ohio State, Michigan State, Baylor, TCU, Notre Dame, Georgia... they win out, they have a legit shot at the Football Final Four.

And next week... Auburn playing at Ole Miss. Both have one single loss to a ranked opponent. 

Update... Utah wins the game, 24-21, their first win over USC, and now become bowl eligible for the first time since 2011.

The loser of the Auburn/Mississippi game is likely out of the mix of the Football Final Four. Oh, there's a chance that the loser may make it with 2 losses, but not likely. That loser will still probably make a New Year's Six bowl game, but not the playoffs.

Fourth... The B1G's One Game Playoff
Michigan State, who's one loss came to the Oregon Ducks, which is still a pretty good team, plays Ohio State, who's one loss came at home to Virginia Tech, which is not a very good team... I think Michigan State is a great team who has rebounded nicely from their loss, pimp slapping the Meeeeechigan Wolverines today. I think Ohio State is still a paper tiger... if they beat Michigan State, I think the B1G gets left out of the Football Final Four. If Michigan State beats OSU, I think they have a shot at it.

Fifth... TCU Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores.
Texas Christian absolutely steamrolled Texas Tech, dropping 82 on the Red Raiders. And Kansas State shuts out Texas. And West Virginia knocks off Oklahoma State. The Big XII is so up in the air, it's crazy... and what's crazier is that we are discussing TCU, Kansas State, West Virginia AND Baylor, and NOT Oklahoma and Texas for conference supremacy. 

Personally, I would love a 4 or 5 way tie for the championship, though I don't like that the ultimate tiebreaker is to let the 12 person Football Playoff Committee decide. I think the ADs of the conference should do that job... but either way, the Big XII is almost as exciting now as the SEC West. Almost.

Sixth... Georgia Could Still Win the Whole Thing
With all the talk of the SEC West, people are forgetting that Georgia is sitting over there at 6-1, with nearly guaranteed wins over Florida, Kentucky and Chuck-Southern to come. Auburn will be their only real test, but even if the Dawgs lose, they go into the SEC Title game at 10-2, and if they win, I don't know that anyone else from the SEC will go in. And Georgia could beat Florida State. Most of the top five could, really.

Seventh... Dumpster Fires Everywhere
Florida. Texas. Michigan. In flames. Three storied programs, three programs that just.. well, suck. Michigan can't do anything with Brady Hoke... Florida can't do anything with Will Muschamp... and though Texas is on the right track with Charlie Strong, it may take a season or two to right the ship. And I would imagine that the pressure in Austin is similar to that you'd find in Tuscaloosa--we need to win, and win very, very soon.

My Football Final Four Right Now... 1. Mississippi State... 2. Florida State... 3. TCU... 4. Alabama

My Top Ten
1-Mississippi State
2-Alabama
3-Auburn
4-Florida State
5-Oregon
6-Georgia
7-Ole Miss
8-Notre Dame
9-TCU
10-Michigan State

college weekend roundup

So, here I am, for the third week in a row, giving my recap for the college football Saturday that was. Not nearly as much chaos as when the college world exploded a few weeks ago, but a few upsets that give a few observations as usual...

First... Oklahoma. They Were Who We Thought They Were
That Boomer Sooner wagon that comes rolling out and around the field was essentially driven into the ditch and left for dead. Kansas State came into Norman, Oklahoma, and left with another victory over the Sooners. Pat Forde said something to the effect of "Stop me if you've heard this before... Oklahoma enters the season highly ranked and looks like they will make a run at the title, only to slowly play their way out of contention." 

And to that I say, "Oklahoma... ready to play a better, yet uninspired SEC team in the Cotton Bowl on New Year's Day." 

You could easily make the argument that Oklahoma lost the game, rather than K-State winning it, because the kicker (YOU HAD ONE JOB!) shanked a 19 yard field goal at the end, but my reply to such an argument has always been--the game should never come down to a missed field goal... your offense shouldn't put the kicker in that position.

Second... Auburn's Win over K-State Looks Really Good Right Now
Oklahoma's failings aside, Kansas State is a pretty good ball club. When Auburn went into K-State's home field and eked out a victory, and it was derided as "struggling to beat a mediocre ball club" (something Florida State has done several times this year). And now Kansas State has beaten the Sooners, are 5-1, are strong contenders for the Big XII title, and suddenly have an outside shot of making the Football Final Four.

Third... The Pac 12 This Year is What Everyone Thought the SEC Would Be
It's true. All we heard was how the SEC is down, missing key players and quarterbacks, and will likely have 2 losses per team, and might struggle to even make the Football Final Four. Well, the Pac 12 is exactly that. They are completely cannibalizing each other, the latest being Arizona State beating Stanford a few minutes ago. The SEC has four really great teams, one or two really good teams, and then the rest. The Pac 12 has no really great teams, but a bunch of really good teams that are just beating each other. 

Fourth... Muschamp? Like, MusCHUMP
Will Muschamp will soon enter the Hall of Shame alongside Ron Zook as a Florida coach who just couldn't get it done. Missouri went into the Swamp in Gainesville, and did what so many other teams are doing now... beat Florida. Handily. Like 42-13. There is a stat that tells you all you need to know... teams that hold the other team to less than 140 total yards (maybe its 120, maybe its rushing yards, but you see what I'm saying) are something like, 142-2 lifetime. The two losses? Will Muschamp's Gators. Not sure if he'll make it until Monday.

Fifth... Hawaii Loses
The final college football game of the day is San Diego State and Hawaii, in San Diego. With only a few seconds left in the game, San Diego State will beat Hawaii 20-10. The announcers just said that it's 16 straight road losses for Hawaii, and then he called them "the Rainbow Warriors". Didn't know that was still a thing. Also, this is the fourth straight week that I've stayed up to see the last play of the final game of the day. I like this trend..

Sixth... No Matter What, Jameis Winston Is a Great Player
For all the crap I give Florida State, and for all the opinions I share with many that Winston should be benched because he's got this hearing over his head, no one can deny that he is an amazing football player. Watching him work, watching him fire down the field and lead Florida State to get the go-ahead touchdown, it's pretty impressive. He's just a punk. And that's the problem.

That being said...

Seventh... Notre Dame Was the Better Team
The Irish won the game. It was a questionable holding call at the end, one that I really can't argue, but could have been called either way. Don't know his name, but the dude who held the FSU defender in the end zone, which resulted in offensive pass interference, which resulted in the touchdown with about :13 seconds left to be called back... that dude cost the Irish a shot at the national title... if the Irish win this game, they are likely to go undefeated again. However, it's what I said earlier about Oklahoma's kicker, and the same goes for the Irish--your team shouldn't be in that position anyway. 

The Seminoles will definitely go undefeated, because they just don't play anyone the rest of the year. For all the talk about the B1G being a crap conference, the ACC is pretty terrible.

Finally... Alabama Just Scored
They literally could have dropped 83 points on Texas A&M... nothing, and I mean nothing went right for the Aggies today. No defense, hostile environment and they just got outplayed in every way. And don't we remember in Week One, when they dominated South Carolina, how Kenny Hill was now on track for the Heisman, and how A&M was likely to be a Final Four Team? I'll brag and say I was one of the few people on social media that was like "yeah, let's just wait a few weeks to see what happens..."

It's notable that this time last year, Auburn was 24th in the rankings... and went on to win the SEC and come a few seconds from winning the national title... and Michigan State was unranked... and went on to a Top Five finish, a B1G title and a Rose Bowl win. 

So again, we don't know jack.

My Football Final Four this week...

The Can Happen Edition: (1) Mississippi State... (2) Auburn... (3) Florida State... (4) TCU
The Should-Happen Edition: (1) Mississippi State... (2) Auburn... (3) Alabama... (4) Florida State...

And my top ten
1-Mississippi State
2-Ole Miss
3-Auburn
4-Florida State
5-Alabama
6-TCU
7-Oregon
8-Georgia
9-Kansas State
10-Notre Dame

another big college day

In an effort to write something, anything, last Saturday night, I did my own little opinion piece on where we were after one of the most topsy turvy days we've had in college football in a long, long time.

So, since it's Saturday night still, and despite what the date says on this post, this was begun on October 11th, with seven minutes left in the day.

Last weekend, I harkened that we don't know jack. I still think that, but we do know a little more than we did. Observations:

First... State is King
Mississippi State is the best team in the country. They put a whoopin' on what I was considering the best team in the country, Auburn, and even though they won 38-23, it wasn't that close. State just tore up the Tigers in every way, storming out to a 21-0 lead, then holding on, answering Auburn every time they tried to mount a comeback. 

Second... I Was Wrong
Last week I said that Miss State was good, Ole Miss was lucky... well, I was wrong. Ole Miss is good. They beat up on Texas A&M, in College Station, in another game that wasn't close. I think State is still better, and Ole Miss has looked very good against two teams that are reeling (A&M this week, Alabama last week), while State has defeated three teams that, at the time, were nearly at the top of their game--LSU, A&M and Auburn.

Third... Defense? Defense, anyone?
Baylor and TCU are insane. Texas Christian was up by 24, and yet Baylor come back and win. However, as someone on Facebook put it, any team that gives up 58 points and still wins doesn't deserve to be ranked very high... true, but what a game anyway. 

Fourth... Florida State Does Their Thing
I didn't see a second of the Florida State/Syracuse game, except for what was featured in a few highlights... FSU is FSU. They look great against mediocre teams. They are the cream of the ACC, but would be probably 4th or 5th in the SEC West... maybe 2nd or 3rd in the Pac 12... and maybe 2nd or 3rd in the Big XII. But playing in the ACC, they are going to run the table. I think they'll beat a decent Notre Dame team next week and beat their chests about how good they are.

Sidebar... I started to write a paragraph about why Jameis Winston should be benched until his legal issues are resolved, but after four paragraphs, I decided that would be tomorrow's post. So look for that.

Fifth... Zona Too High
Watching Arizona and USC... I was dubious when Arizona went from like, unranked, to 10th, because they beat Oregon... and they are now looking like they aren't a Top 10 team.  Cause 60 seconds ago, they lost to USC 28-26 on the feet of three missed field goals. So there's that.

Sixth... Alabama is in Trouble
They play sloppy, the offense is a shell of what it was, and the defense is really the only thing keeping them going... but the mystique is gone. Alabama is no longer, at least for this season, the unbeatable powerhouse they once were. I think they'll end up with three losses this season... having already lost to Ole Miss, I see them losing to Mississippi State and Auburn, for a 9-3 year in which the Tide Nation loses its mind, called for Lane Kiffen's head and a small part of them start questioning if Saban can get it done anymore. Hashtag HAAAYPAAWWWLLLL... Finebaum on Monday should be a hoot.

Seventh... Sooners and Dawgs
Oklahoma and Georgia both looked good. Oklahoma let Texas hang around far too long, but because it's a rivalry game, I kinda let that go. Boomer Sooner kept Texas down, leaving them at 2-4 for the first time since 1956. Georgia, in losing Todd Gurley for his stupid suspension, just obliterated Missouri on the road, 34-0. They dominated that game in every possible way. 

Eighth... Sparty and the Ducks Again
Michigan State won their game as needed, Oregon smashed UCLA in the mouth, and only Oregon has a shot at the Football Final Four. Cause Michigan State shouldn't have given up that many points to Purdue, winning 45-31.

Finally, The Gators Are Just Awfule
LSU came into Gainesville, into The Swamp, a place where it used to be hard to win for the road team, a place that was loud and obnoxious and boisterous and now, LSU comes in and handles Florida. I watched the last part of that game in disbelief as screwed up here, screwed up there, and dropped a game winning pass into the end zone that, no joke, I could have caught. They are terrible. Will Muschamp is as good as gone.

My new top ten...
1) Mississippi State, 6-0
2) Ole Miss, 6-0
3) Florida State, 6-0
4) Baylor, 6-0
5) Notre Dame, 6-0
6) Auburn, 5-1
7) Georgia, 5-1
8) Oregon, 5-1
9) Alabama, 5-1
10) Oklahoma, 5-1

My Football Final Four this week... 1) Mississippi State... 2) Florida State... 3) Baylor... 4) Oregon or Ole Miss... though if the Pac 12 champ as 2 losses, they won't get in over a 1 loss SEC team...


Read "Why FSU Should Bench Jameis Winston"

we don't know jack

Once again, I revel in the fact that I can spend most Saturdays watching college football all day, and today was one of those special days when the whole College Football World went to Hell and back.

Skies turning to blood, the rivers running red, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

I watched as the 12th ranked Mississippi State Bulldogs ran roughshod all over #6 Texas A&M Aggies, then as #11 Ole Miss somehow, someway knocked off #3 Alabama, which was followed by the 5th ranked Auburn Tigers throttling the 15th ranked LSU Tigers, in a game that wasn't as close as the 41-7 score may seem. 

25th ranked TCU edged out 4th ranked Oklahoma, then unranked Kentucky came storming back to tie South Carolina, then let them blow the Wildcats out, then came storming back again to win the game.

In a Hail Mary last second pass to the end zone, Arizona State beat the 16th ranked USC Trojans--a few days after their state-counterpart Arizona knocked off the #2 team, Oregon.

And now, I just finished watching the 10th ranked Michigan State Spartans hold off a furious 4th quarter rally by the 19th ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers, a rally that saw the Huskers score three touchdowns in 10 minutes, and were it not for the interception thrown in the last 30 seconds, would have had a real shot of beating Sparty.

This is why I love college football... so here are my observations, before the new rankings come out, before Utah and #8 UCLA finish their game, where Utah is up by 10 in the 3rd quarter.

First... We Don't Know Anything
We thought we knew that Florida State, Oregon and Alabama were in the Football Final Four, and that fourth spot would either go to either another SEC team like Texas A&M or even Auburn, or probably Oklahoma would win the Big XII and take it. 

But now? Florida State struggles to beat EVERYONE... sure, they blew out Wake Forest today, but they started slow, Jameis Winston had a rough first few possessions, and FSU has been lucky to play against teams that would let them catch back up and win. And they play in the ACC, which might as bad as the Big Ten. 

And now, Oklahoma, Alabama and Oregon all have a loss. It's not the end of the world for either, as if any of them win out, they'll likely find themselves in a position to win their conferences anyway. But it got a lot tougher.

Second... Ole Miss is LUCKY and Mississippi State is GOOD
We watched the Ole Miss/Alabama game, and it reminded me of the FSU/Clemson game, where the Noles gave the Clemson Tigers every chance in the world to win, and Clemson refused to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Today, Ole Miss took that victory, as Alabama played... well, like crap. Ole Miss wasn't much better, as they dropped passes, missed opportunities and could have scored twice... but Bama played a game full of penalties and stupid mistakes. Alabama is a better team, but Ole Miss snagged the win.

Mississippi State, however, is solid. Perhaps it's that A&M is also not as good as we thought, and QB Kenny Hill isn't as Heismany as we thought, but State controlled that game from start to finish. They had their way with the Aggies like it was a prison shower... it was ridiculous. 

Third... Gary & Verne are Crazy
CBS longtime college commentators Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson are perhaps the most annoying announcers on the television today. If you watch college football, specifically the SEC coverage, you'll know this, so no need to dwell.

However, here's what I didn't like... CBS uses the Coaches Poll for their rankings, perhaps one of the only places that does. This is a big deal because in the Coaches Poll and AP Poll (the more used), Ole Miss is ranked 11th... but Alabama is 3rd in the AP and 1st in the Coaches. So, when Gary and Verne talk about how long it's been since Ole Miss beat a #1 team, it's just false. Perhaps having Alabama ranked 1st makes for a better story than if they were ranked 3rd. 

Fourth... Florida is Still Terrible
My team, the Florida Gators, are now 3-1 after getting by Tennessee 10-9 today. The Gators also had to take multiple overtimes to get past Kentucky, who isn't as bad as we thought (we'll get to that next), and needed a miracle to beat the better-than-last-year-but-still-not-good Volunteers team.. after Gators QB Jeff Driskol was finally benched. We'll find out next week what the Gators will do, when LSU comes to town, but right now, I think Florida is the worst 3-1 team in the country not in the Big Ten.

Fifth... Kentucky Can Win the SEC East
They won't. But who thought they'd even be in contention in October? 

Sixth... The Big Ten is a Cluster Muffin
Thru the first three quarters, as I flipped back and saw snippets of Michigan State's beatdown on Nebraska, I thought to myself "The Spartans might actually be the shining star of the Big Ten Conference... like FSU, they may be the one team a cut above the rest, and could make the Football Final Four". Then, Nebraska roared back in the 4th quarter and nearly beat the Spartans, all because Michigan State just fell apart and couldn't close. And then I remembered why no team from the Big Ten will make the Football Final Four.

Seventh... In a Sick Joke of the Football Gods, Alabama Needs to Root For Auburn
Here's how Alabama makes it back to the SEC Championship game... Auburn needs to win out (including beating Mississippi State and Ole Miss) and Alabama needs to win the rest of their games (including beating State). At some point, they have to hope Ole Miss will lose another along the way.

The Iron Bowl needs to be what it was last year--winner goes to the SEC Title Game. And to impress voters, it would serve the Crimson Tide well to be 11-1, taking on a 12-0 Auburn team, and to beat them. Let's say Alabama loses the SEC Title game to Georgia... there is still a chance Alabama can get that 4th spot in the Football Final Four, if they have beaten a team like 12-0 Auburn. Sure, it would make Alabama happy to play a 9-3 Auburn team, but they'd have to win the SEC outright to get a shot. Make sense?

Georgia is a solid team... but I think Auburn, Mississippi State and even Alabama could beat them, especially if they contained Todd Gurley.

By the way, I think this loss for Alabama might not be a bad thing... it's relatively early in the season, and it makes me think of the New England Patriots in '07 ('08?) who had run to 15-0, taking on the NYGiants in the last week of the season. They struggled to beat the Giants, rolled thru the playoffs, then lost a close one due to mistakes and sloppy play in the Super Bowl... to the NYGiants. 

I have always contended that had the Pats lost the last game, gone 15-1, they would have won the Super Bowl. The "undefeated" would have been off their shoulders, and they would have realized they were not invincible. Bama is similar... they realize now that they are not invincible, that their sloppy play finally caught up to them, and now that "we are the best" is off their shoulders... playing catch up might not be a bad thing for the Tide.

Eighth... We Still Don't Know ANYTHING
It's college football. Next week, Baylor, who is leading the Big XII and looking strong, takes on TCU, who beat Oklahoma today. Baylor hasn't really played anyone of substance, so this game is huge. So suddenly, TCU has to play explosive Baylor, and later Oklahoma State and then Kansas State... Baylor has OK State and K-State too. So if TCU or Baylor comes out undefeated, they are in. But if Baylor beats TCU, then loses to Oklahoma big, Kansas State is like "What about us?" 

If Auburn rolls up to Mississippi State, gets blown out, then beats up on Ole Miss, who then turn around and beats Mississippi State in the Egg Bowl, Alabama is like "Hey, we are still here!"

Florida State will likely lose one. They are playing too loose and clumsy. What happens then?

Utah is beating UCLA right now, which was the unbeaten left in the Pac 12... and they still have to play Oregon. So like, what happens? 

We don't know jack. 

That's why I love college football.


(My current prediction for the Football Final Four is 1-Auburn, 2-UCLA, 3-Baylor and... crap, I dunno... 4-Mississippi State)

ole miss is racist

Report out this week that a few members of the facility of the University of Mississippi are offended now by the term "Ole Miss", which is how the school is commonly referred too.  See, back in the slavery days of the 1800s, slaves were required to call the daughters and wife of the plantation owner not just "miss", but "Ole Miss".  The name evokes pain and suffering to all of those who have slavery roots.


Let me go on record and say that while I know more white people than I do black people, I don't know anyone who has any living relatives that are slaves.


But Ole Miss is a racist name, and we should change it immediately!!!!  People (a few) are offended by this!  It's bad enough that "Running Rebels" is a symbolic gesture of the South in the Confederacy, but to use the words "Ole Miss" with it??? 


Change it, and change it now, before anyone else is offended by this gesture.


Then I got to thinking about more college football teams... THE WHOLE SEC IS RACIST, RACIST, I TELL YOU....


Want proof?   Here...


"War Eagle", the battle cry of the Auburn Tigers?  I mean "War", really?  Glorifying combat and conflict?  That is the opposite of peace.  I'm offended.


"Roll Tide"?  Their mascot is an elephant, which hail from two places... Africa and India.  To invoke the proud elephant into such a violent game is it insinuate that people from those lands want war and love fighting.  I'm offended on their behalf.


The Florida Gators?  The Gator is hunted and killed for their skins and meat, senselessly.  To envoke such a game onto this proud animal is to enjoy the killing of such.  I'm offended on the behalf of animal rights activists


The Vanderbilt Commodores?  The Commodores were a great 70s funk band, led by Lionel Ritchie.  Unfortunately, Vanderbilt is known for a losing tradition... which means, the Commodores are losers.  I'm offended on behalf of any Lionel Ritchie fans and Commodores fans.  Easy indeed.


The LSU Tigers?  Their battle cry is "Geaux Tigers", which hails from a French background.  Using France's name in such a derogatory manner to promote your violent game is to recall another violent battle... the French and Indian war.  Now, I'm offended on behalf of two proud peoples.


The South Carolina Gamecocks?  Did you know a "gamecock" is a chicken?  That's meat, people.  You don't eat meat!  It's cruel!  I'm offended on behalf of all vegans.


The Texas A&M Aggies?  Aggies.  Put an "F" in the front of that, and now you have a horrible gay slur.  I mean, I wouldn't do that, but someone might, and let's be honest, we cannot take that chance.  I'm offended on behalf of the gay community.


The Missouri Tigers?  The Tigers are an endangered species, hunted and killed for their skins and coats.  This use of their animal name is nothing but a promotion of illegal game hunting and poaching.  I'm offended on behalf of all animal lovers.


The Kentucky Wildcats?  The word "cat" is used by the African American community, especially in the 70s, to describe another person.  To take this name, then put a "wild" in front of it, is to assume that because you are of a certain color, you are a wild person.  Like in Africa.  This is an egregious use of this word, and I'm not going to stand for it.  I'm totally offended on behalf of anyone of any color called "cat", ever.


The Tennessee Volunteers?  To "volunteer" means to not get paid.  You know, like not getting paid as much as a man does, if you are a woman?  You know, the gender equality in this country?  Why not just called them the Tennessee Unequally Paid but Harder Working Females?  Because its the white man that makes these names up.  I'm offended on behalf of all women.


The Mississippi State Bulldogs?  The Georgia Bulldogs?  You know what they use in riots to quell the protesters?  Tear gas and dogs.  If I was at Kent State, when all those people were massacred, every time I hear the word "dog", it would bring back painful memories of almost being bitten.  Not sure anyone was bitten during that event, but if they were, my memories would be more painful.  I'm offended on behalf of anyone who's ever been bitten by an animal, bulldog or otherwise.


The Arkansas Razorbacks?  Do you know what a Razorback is?  It's a hog.  Or a pig.  Another animal we brutally slaughter for meat purposes.  An animal that produces things like ham and pork, meats that can be horrible for your system to eat.  Meats that when eaten in excess, can give you blocked arteries, heart attacks, diabetes!  Meaning that every time someone yells "Hog Sooey!", if you have ever had a heart attack, blocked arteries or diabetes, you need to be offended.  No worries. I'm offended for you.


See?  Even the words "Southeastern Conference" is offensive.  "Conference", meaning a meeting, where we can sit around with our bosses and realize how much money someone else is making, and how much money we are NOT making, even though we do most of the work (especially if you are a woman...) and "Southeast"... well, I cannot even describe for you the racial overtones this has, except for three words "Hub of Slavery".

We should get rid of all mascots, because someone might be offended by them.  We cannot call them by their city names, because the people in poor Starkville do not need to be reminded how good people in the wealthier areas of Knoxville might have it.  And we cannot assign them colors, because red (Indian), yellow (Asian), black (Black), white (White), brown (Mexican), purple (sick people), blue (cold people--stupid global warming) will all be offensive.


We need to abolish football completely.  Then, and only then will we have an offense-free society.  Then and only then can we turn on ESPN and not be totally taken aback by the egregious racism that runs rampant through our sport.


or...


...we could be offended by the fact that children are being beheaded in Iraq because they might come from a "Christian" family.  I've seen the pictures.  That offends me.   Just a thought.

The 100 to 91st Coolest Things of 2011

Feels like we were just here, doesn't it?  I mean, with the coolest things of the year, right?  About a week or two ago, we learned how Melanie rules, my car is awesome, iLove my iPhone and "Inception" makes my head spin in a good way...but THAT was 2010.

We just passed 2011.  And in that year, cool things happen.  Which means its time to start our new list!  Now, perhaps we can finish it before December 29th of 2012, eh?

Quickly, though, for those of you who have never read this list before, its quite simply what I consider to be the coolest things of the past 12 months.  For the most part, stuff that has made this list before won't make the list again, because otherwise, I'd have a rolling list year after year that includes the same things like "Star Wars" and "Shawshank" and "Toy Story Mania" and My Darling Wife and so on;  rather, this is kind of "new things"--movies and shows I've never seen before this year, books I'd not read, experiences I'd not experienced, that sort of thing... and some of these things may have predated 2011, like a book that came out years ago, but it qualifies here if in fact I'd read it in 2011.

Enough chatter.  Here are The 100 Coolest Things of 2011, starting at the top:

#100... Auburn Wins the National Title
Perhaps that heading should actually say "Cam Newton" wins the national title.  There are two kinds of teams that win championships in college football... those with great teams, like the Alabama team that won it in 2009 (and subsequently, a few days ago for the 2011 season) and those with mediocre teams and one great, great player.  Auburn was the latter.  Cam Newton was electrifying... watching him run, watching him play was genius, probably a more trumped up version of watching a young Steve McNair at Alcorn State do magic in the air.   They were known as the Cardiac Cats, because they had this habit of falling behind early, many times to lesser opponents, then roaring back... and when they fell behind to a perhaps superior opponent, the Crimson Tide, they managed to get a score in at halftime--my bro-in-law Tyler was high fiving his dad, Big Daddy Ron, excited, celebrating and saying, "Yeah!  We are dominating!", while Ron simply smirked at the 20 point lead for the Tide saying, "This isn't enough.  I'm worried."  As well he should have been.

Anyway, it was kinda cool to see a program who hadn't won a title since '57 take it home, especially knowing its not likely to happen again.  See, while Alabama... and yes, The Go Gator Nation... build great teams, teams ready to sustain a few years of hug success separated by a year or two of so-so 9 win seasons, Auburn is awaiting its next great player.  Someday, perhaps.

Found on Twitter:  Its great that Alabama sandwiched its titles around Auburn's title.  Just like a good big brother should do.

#99... Got a "Pocket Full of Kryptonite", Ah...
The band is the Spin Doctors, the album is "Pocket Full of Kryponite", and the title is from a line in my favorite Spin Doctors tune, "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", one of my top 100 favorite songs of all time.  I owned this CD, though I don't exactly remember where I got it--what I do know is, it was completely scratched up, so much so that I'd never heard the entire CD because from Track 4 (a song called "Forty or Fifty") on, it would skip.

So during The Great CD Purge in the Summer of 2011, the scratched CD was one that hit the bricks.  I didn't mourn the loss of the album, yet I wish I had still owned it.  So, imagine my joy one day in late 2011 when I was touring 2nd and Charles, a used book/music/movie/electronic/everything/anything store, and I came across a copy, a like-new copy of "Pocket Full of Krytonite".  For like, $2.95.  Done and done.

Now that I own it, though, I must make an ironic confession... its really not that good of an album.  The two major singles, "Two Princes" (my senior cruise theme song) and "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong", plus the aforementioned "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", are the best part of the album by far.  Its not bad... but its not a great album.  But I do own it, and its the symbolism that counts, right?  Right.

#98... "Friends With Benefits"
Out of the three "friends who decided to hook up only as friends but somehow decided they liked each other" movies that came out within about 9 months of each other, this was by far and away my favorite.

Here's what I wrote on July 31st:

In my own (un)humble opinion, the far superior of the three films.  The script is funny and light, and more real than the rest (the hilarity of the first hook up is a great example), the jokes are funny, and there is great on-screen chemistry between Mila and JT.  You end up liking both characters a lot, and by the time you find out Dylan's story--father with the beginning stages of Alzheimers--it doesn't feel like a ploy to get you to like him because you already do.  Jenna Elfman shows up as Dylan's sister and plays the part great (and cameos from Emma Stone, Andy Sandburg, Rashida Jones and Jason Segel are great too) and the whole romance is entirely believable this time around.  I liked this film alot, and will probably be the only one of the three to appear on The 100 Coolest Things of 2011...

See... I knew.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of The Colin Firth Club, The Lovely
Steph Leann's Hollywood Boyfriend himself, Colin Firth.

#97... Colin Firth Wins the Oscar
Not much to say here, except that its always great when an actor who you know deserves to win an Oscar once in his career actually wins one, and its even greater when that Oscar is not considered by the masses to be a "lifetime" award, but a win for an actual singular performance... hence, Colin Firth wins Best Actor for his portrayal of the king in "The King's Speech", a great, great film.

Much like my excitement when my dear Kate Winslet won her award a few years back, The Lovely Steph Leann was beside herself when her man, Colin First, the president and namesake of The Colin Firth Club, took home the ultimate acting prize.  Now, if only Amy Adams would win one for me, and Hugh Jackman for The Lovely Steph Leann.

#96... "My Strange Addiction"
Holy crap, have you seen this show?  What a weird show.

Its one of those shows that the title gives you all you need to know... it documents real people who have real, strange addictions... like the chick who carries the urn with her late husbands ashes in it, everywhere she goes.  Oh, and she likes to eat the ashes by licking her finger, sticking it in the urn, and licking them again.

Eating is a big deal... there's the chick who drinks bleach... and the chick who eats foam cushions... and the chick who is addicted to eating toilet paper.... and the chick who not only pulls her hair out, but eats the follicles... and the chick who eats dryer sheets.  Lest you think that just the chicks have issues, which they do, there is the guy who likes to eat glass.

And of course, there is the dude who lives his private life as a baby, complete with diaper and giant crib... and the girl who wears a bunny suit everywhere she goes.... the chick who sleeps with her hair dryer... the list goes on.

What a weird show... weird, and yet a fascinating look at the human condition.

#95... Edge Bows Out 
When my best mate Wookiee, Big Tom and myself ventured to Atlanta in April, we witnessed something that you will find ranking high, high on this list, that being WrestleMania.  And in that event, we were able to see a legend wrestle in the opening match, successfully defending his World Heavyweight Title against Alberto del Rio.  The match was decent, nothing to spectacular, but was cool to see the Rated R Superstar, the Ultimate Opportunist, that being Edge himself, take the squared circle.

We didn't know it would be his last match.  Ever.

A week later, the following Monday, I'm at home in The Cabana, watching WWE Raw as I'm known each week, and Edge comes out.  Typically, the guys come out and do a trash-talk routine, or discuss who they are feuding with and so on, maybe even call out someone from the back and do a one-on-one confrontation that always ends in them punching each other and knocking over a table.  However, Edge took a different tone.  He started out discussing the realities of wrestling, the dangers and the real-life toll it takes on people.  He told us about the seriousness of a previous neck injury which resulted in the fusing of his cervical vertebrae, and the numbness he'd been feeling in the last few months.  Then, he told us of the MRI he recently had and how he had, in the last week, been diagnosed with cervical spinal stenosis.  And finally, he said the real-life doctors would now no longer clear him to compete, as an injury to his spine at this point could result in partial- or full-paralysis... or even death.


You think you know me.  Thank you, Edge.

And right there, Edge retired.  Winner of a record 31 championships in his career, and it was all over... and it wasn't like he could come out of retirement and do a match here or there, like Kevin Nash or Booker T, or even do his patented moves randomly, like Shawn Michaels does with his Sweet Chin Music... no, for Edge, its over.  He has made appearances here and there, but knowing that one missed fall, or one single move that didn't go quite right could kill you?  Done.

I tip my hat to Adam Copeland... you haven't always been my favorite, but its been a joy watching you be a heel all these years.

#94... "Fast Five"
What an absolute piece of crap movie.  A piece of crap movie that I love, one that months after I saw it, I pondered on how ridiculously stupid it was... but if ever there was a movie that lined up with the word "Craptacular", then this piece of glorious poop would be it.

I think we will look back in a few years at the crap that has come out, and rank "Fast Five" along side of "Con Air", "The Expendables" and "Armageddon" as the most beloved, improbable crap of our age.  And its a darn sight better than The Rock's other movie this year, "Faster".  Yeesh.

#93... "50/50"
I'm a fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan, but I was still surprised about how good this movie was--and how great Seth Rogan is as Jo-Go-Lev's best buddy, when Jo-Go-Lev's Adam gets cancer and has to learn to deal with it.  And the appearance of Anna Kendrick doesn't hurt in the least.

Here's what I had to say:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in a fair world, would be sniffing an Oscar nomination, at the least a Golden Globe nod, because his performance is awesome.  I love this guy in "Inception", as his character is one of the coolest cats out there, but he tops himself in "50/50".  I enjoy Seth Rogen being goofy in any number of movies, but his semi-serious turn that he couldn't nail in "Funny People" is nailed here.  Bryce Dallas Howard doesn't have a huge role, but does it right, while Anna Kendrick shines as Katherine, just like she does as Natalie in "Up In the Air", a movie which is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites. (note:  "Up in the Air" currently ranks as my 14th favorite film of all time--d$)

Loved this film, one of the best I've seen this year... however, this movie is not for kids, as the language flows pervasive and free flowing, and there is a few uses of the Mary Jane plant... there is one sex scene, though you really don't see anything, and it ends a little different than you would think, almost in a sympathetic fashion.  Its about an hour forty-five or so, maybe a little less, but it is paced really well and honestly, its one of those rare movies that I didn't want to end.

Read the entire review from September 29th by clicking here.

#92... The Aladdin Stage Show
Its no secret that one of my very favorite attractions at Walt Disney World is the "Finding Nemo: The Musical" show at Disney Animal Kingdom.  Being fans of Broadway style shows, "Disney's Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular" was circled on our list of things to do when The Lovely Steph Leann and I went to Disneyland this past May.

Located in California Adventure, it takes place in the 2000 seat Hyperion Theater at the end of Hollywood Boulevard.  The show itself is only similar to "Finding Nemo" in that its a musical stage show, but its great nonetheless.  In the 45 minute show, many of the classic scenes and songs from the movie are recreated onstage, and they even move some of the action into the audience, like Aladdin's arrival in the song "Prince Ali". There are flying carpets, magic lamps, great special effects, a lovely Jasmine, a handsome Aladdin and a convincingly evil Jafar... but the crown jewel of the show, like the movie, is The Genie.  Whether he's like that always, I cannot speak, but in the show we watched, the actor portraying Genie was brilliant.

If you are ever in the area and have a chance to check out Disneyland, or at least California Adventure, make this a must-do.  We loved it.

#91... "Something Borrowed"
Yes, yes, its a total chick flick, and yes, it was blasted by critics, and yes, the heroine of the movie is the chick who actually does the home wrecking and man-stealing in the movie, but you know what?  I liked it.  Sue me.

Coming up:  Getting the Help... Needing a dollar, dollar... and Gods of Thunder... and later, one of the best documentaries of the year is about... a coffee burn?

Shaking Finebaum's Hand

Its 342p on a Thursday when I type this.  My story takes us way back, back about three hours to about 1245p today.  The day that I met Paul Finebaum. 

Now, to say I'm a full fledged Finebaum fan is a bit of a stretch.  I enjoy his show, and because many days I get off around 2pm in the afternoon from my job, I listen in the car.  Sometimes I don't go straight home, making errand runs to the library or Target or Wal-Mart or wherever else I need to go before coming home... and in those times, I will flip the SiriusXM over to 94.5 Jox Sports Radio.

And let me tell ya, after a big win or a big loss for any of the state's big college teams, like Auburn, or ESPECIALLY Alabama, The Paul Finebaum Show might be the most entertaining time anywhere.  Because those fans that most people would prefer to remain hidden, even if they are rooting for the same team, come out of the woodwork to either complain about the officiating which caused the loss, about the sore loserdom of the other team, especially if its Auburn, or to congratulate their own team, coupled with bad officiating that almost cost them the game, plus the sore loserdom of the other team.

Many of these callers are people who call just about every day--heck, I can't even find time to blog more than two or three times per week, and some of the fans sit on hold for what must be an hour or more two, three, five times a week just to get on the air and share sometimes what amounts to 40 seconds with Finebaum.  And sometimes they call just to answer, even challenge, each other.  Occasionally, it gets personal. 

So, I'm in the store, standing behind a big espresso machine, making some mocha, steaming some milk, pulling some perfectly timed shots, and a spindly, short guy with glasses and a smooth dome came in.  He stood in line behind two women who were taking their time ordering, yet he seemed to be fine with the wait.

That looks like... wow... is that... ?

I had on a headset, so I pressed the button to talk to my fellow baristas, Melanie and Scotty2Hottie.  I whispered, "Is that Paul Finebaum?"

Melanie came back and said, "Whaaaa?" in a way that wasn't "Finebaum? What?!" but more of a "what did you say?"

I whispered a little louder, a little slower, a little more articulate, "Is... that... Paul... Finebaum?"

Melanie:  Whaaa?

So, here's how I felt...

Here's Chandler Bing.  Trapped in an ATM Vestibule.  With Jill Goodacre.

You know that episode of Friends, the one that came on in November of 1994, the one called "The One with the Blackout"?   Chandler Bing is in an ATM vestibule (is it a vestibule? maybe its an atrium?  Well, Jill says "vestibule", we go with "vestibule") when then-supermodel Jill Goodacre (who then, and now, is Mrs. Harry Connick Jr) comes in.  A blackout happens, trapping them both, as the automatic doors are locked.  Surprised by his good fortune, he calls Monica, but not wanting to alert Jill Goodacre that he's talking about her, he says in a voice that can only be duplicated if you clinch your teeth together, talk low and do your best to not move your lips while saying the follwing line:

I'm trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre

Monica replies, "What?"

Chandler sighs and says, "I'm trapped... in... an ATM vestibule... with Jill Goodacre.."

Monica replies, "Chandler, I have no idea what you are saying?!"

Chandler shouts, "Oh, put Joey on the phone!"

Joey gets on the phone, says, "Whats up buddy?" and when Chandler says, "I'm trapped... in an ATM vestibule... with Jill Goodacre!" Joey says to Ross, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe, "Chandler's trapped in an ATM vestibule with JILL GOODACRE?!?" 

Yeah, that was me today. 

Is that Paul Finebaum?

What?  Whaaa?


Is that Paul Finebaum?

Finally, Melanie says, "Yeah!  That's Paul Finebaum!  He comes in here alot in the midday."

Wait... what?  Paul Finebaum frequents the store I spend 45 hours in per week, and this is the first time I've seen him?  How did I miss this?!

Anyway, the visit was brief... he bought a grande cup of Pike Place, though I did manage to go over and shake his hand, introduce myself and tell him I enjoyed catching the show, especially days after big games for Alabama.  He laughed and said, "You shoulda heard Tuesday's show", and I replied, "Oh, I did... thats why I said that." 

He chatted for what was less than 45 seconds or so, I noticed it was close to 1, and I assumed he was headed to the station to get ready for his show.  Sad, though, because there is one question about the Bama nation I wanted to ask him.

This is a question I've posed to several Bama fans and have gotten varied answers from "you might be onto something" to "there's no way...", but if I have three minutes to talk to Finebaum, here's what I want to ask him:

We know that Roger Staubach, Bart Starr and Terry Bradshaw were fantastic quarterbacks.  We know this from stories, from anecdotes, from marred highlight reels and scratchy video, from stories told by commentators that we know and trust.  We cannot know their greatness from watching them play, because either they played before some of us were even born, or at least before we were old enough to be congnizant of what a good QB looks like.

Conversely, we know that Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers are fantastic quarterbacks.  We know this not only from those stories, from those anecdotes, from HD highlights run 40 times each on SportsCenter, but also from watching them play.  We know their greatness, because we've seen it with our own eyes.

Now, take Bear Bryant.  My generation knows nothing of The Bear except for what we've been told.  We read the books, we see the movies, we hear the stories told by those who were there, or by those who knew someone who was probably there.  We trust these sources, but we cannot really speak to our own witness, as we were too young, or maybe not alive.

Finally, here is Nick Saban.  Two championships in three years, fielding teams that are arguably some of the most dominant ever (did you see what they did to LSU's supposed juggernaut?).  He does not have a team that lucks out with one great player leading them to a title, a la Auburn, he has built a team that frankly, as a fan of The Go Gators, worries me a bit, because as Alabama and Florida meet in the next five straight SEC Championship games, Alabama will probably win 3. 

We don't just hear of his greatness, the evidence is there.  Like him, love him, hate him, he's got skillz. 

So, my question for Finebaum, and for you, Bama Nation, is this:  How many titles does Saban have to bring home to Tuscaloosa before the next generation looks at and reveres Saban based solely on what they have heard about him like this generation looks at and reveres Bear Bryant?  And, do you think this generation already looks at Saban as a Bear Bryant equal, even if they don't want to admit it, lest they be committing blasphemy?

Deep discussion and hard hitting questions is why you read Clouds in My Coffee... well that, and the uncanny ability to link Finebaum, Saban and Chandler Bing in the same post.  I rule.

If I Ruled the College Football World

I'll be straight up and honest... I'm not a fan of Texas A&M joining the SEC.  I can understand both sides of it... A&M sees the University of Texas Longhorns create its own TV network, and stand in front of bajillions and zagillions of dollars and decide that Texas is going to have all the money, which to A&M just ain't fair.  As far as the SEC is concerned, with the addition of Texas A&M, they'll have an arm into the largest state in the Great 48.   Of course, the SEC is saying they are happy with 12 members, but do you think Texas A&M would be ready to sever ties so quickly with the Big XII if the SEC wasn't a huge, huge possibility.  You don't break up with Kate Upton, unless you know you have a more than better shot with Brooklyn Decker, even if Brooklyn Decker has said she's quite happy where she is.  Do you get me?

I don't like it.  Nothing about Texas A&M says "Southeastern" to me.  Sorry.  Don't buy it.  Then again, nothing about "Vanderbilt" says "Conference of champions".  And now, I read Oklahoma is looking around?  The Big XII can, and probably will, survive if A&M bolts.  There are several teams from non-AQ conferences that would be willing to join up, and they might even find a few disgruntled BCS teams that are unhappy with where they are.  But if Oklahoma bolts, its over.  Texas will possibly go independent (another bad idea, in my own (un)humble opinion), and the conference will buckle, sending every other team scrambling for a home.

The Big 10 will welcome in Missouri, Iowa State and possibly one, or both, of the Kansas teams.  The Pac 10 will lap up Oklahoma State quickly, and maybe even Texas, if the SEC doesn't take Texas first.  That leaves Baylor looking for a home, and Texas Tech trying to squeeze into the SEC or the Big East.  Thus, the era of the Superconference is upon us.

And I just think that's a bad idea.  So here's my idea... let's just take one offseason, maybe in a few years, maybe before the start of the 2014 season, and let's just revamp our conferences.  No, I'm serious.  Let's pretend all the school presidents get together, along with the coaches and the athletic directors, and they meet up in Atlanta, Georgia (hey, if its good enough to produce the BCS national champion five years running, its good enough to host a College Football Revamp Summit) and they hash this stuff out.

By the way, my conference realignments pays no attention to money, which is probably the first problem, but also I don't move any current BCS conference team down to a non-AQ conference, though I do move some teams up.

So here's what happens... starting with...

THE BIG EAST

Staying put... Louisville, Rutgers, Syracuse, Cincinnati, UConn, West Virginia, South Florida and Pittsburgh.  Your right, that's the entire 8 team current lineup of the conference.  But let's add four more, give this conference a championship game and give the Big East some credibility.

What happens when the Vandy of the Big East (Syracuse) plays the
Vandy of the SEC (Vandy)?  They score.

Here's who they pick up...
Vanderbilt...  Let's be real.  This is where they can compete.  They'll go from an SEC doormat to a mid-card Big East member.  Can you imagine dropping a schedule that includes Georgia, Florida and South Carolina, and picking up one that includes Syracuse, Rutgers and UConn?  Go 'Dores.

Notre Dame...  Listen, they have had their day, their decade, their generation to be high and mighty.  But this is now, in a college football climate that doesn't care about the tradition of Knute and the Irish.  Especially when the Irish have stunk it up for the better part of 15 years.  Notre Dame, you need the Big East, and the Big East needs you.

Boston College... They should have never left.  The Golden Eagles were like the McLovin compared to the cooler guys of FSU and Miami when the ACC came calling.  The ACC didn't want BC, they just wanted someone to even up the divisions, and BC said, "Okay, we'll come."  Go back, BC.  Go back.

Miami... Let's be real here too--this ACC/Miami partnership has been a disaster.  They were supposed to, along with Florida State, be the Michigan & Ohio State or the Texas & Oklahoma of the ACC, as in, the dominant forces that, with a few odd years, would be constantly battling to the end for a championship.  But nay.  Its been one problem after another.  Miami should go back.

THE ACC

Ah, but now that we've stripped them of two of its members, what do they do?

Well, first, they lose Virginia Tech, which we'll get to later.

This leaves them with 9 members, that being Clemson, Florida State, Maryland, NC State, North Carolina, Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Duke and Virginia.  What if we add...

Navy... currently independent, it makes perfect sense to join a conference, especially being located right there in Maryland, central to the ACC geography.  They are year in and year out a fairly decent team, and this would benefit not only the Midshipmen but also the ACC as a whole.

And with 10 members, they lose their conference title game... which is okay.  I can't remember the last time I saw an ACC title game that was even interesting.

THE BIG TEN

First, I have no problem with The Big Ten having more than ten members.  In fact, I am used to them having 11, now they have 12, and I really don't have a problem with them getting 14.  I know, I know, slippery slope to a super conference, but hear me out...

Everyone in the conference stays put, especially with the Nebraska move, it makes a strong conference.  But let's add two more...

Missouri... Just makes sense, really.  I think they fit better here, both geographically and rivalry wise.  I'm glad they didn't come to the SEC.

Iowa State... This sets up a perfect rivalry between the Hawkeyes and the Cyclones, and not just in-state, but also, inter-conference.

THE MOUNTAIN WEST

Well, TCU is jumping over to The Big East in 2012, but in my conference lineup, they stay put.  And they want to stay put, because in my lineup, The Mountain West is solid enough to at least warrant BCS consideration.

We know that next year, Hawaii and Nevada are jumping to The Mountain West next year, leaving behind the Western Athletic Conference.  Fresno State is also leaving the WAC for Mtn West, but not in my system.  Put them aside for now.

So, remaining in the Mountain West are Colorado State, New Mexico, San Diego State, Wyoming, UNLV,  and Air Force, with the return of TCU, the new addition of Boise State, and the upcoming Hawaii and Nevada.  That's 10 teams.

I'm going to go on a limb and say the WAC will fold, which is fine, because... well, frankly, its useless.  So the Mountain West absorbs those teams, including San Jose State, New Mexico State, Utah State and Idaho.

Yes, I know, I know, you've got several crappy teams here, but really this was more about keeping TCU where they belong, giving Boise State somewhere where they can be challenged, giving Hawaii more presence and chunking the WAC.

THE PAC 12

This one is simple.  There are 11 current members that stay put--USC, UCLA, Stanford, Oregon, Oregon State, Washington, Wash State, Utah, Arizona, Arizona State and California.

Colorado goes back to the Big XII where they belong, but joining the PAC 12?

What happens when Pat Hill brings his 'stache to The Pac 12?  The Pac
12 gets a little more awesome.

Fresno State.  That's right, Fresno State.  I frikkin' love this idea.  Their motto is "anytime, anywhere" and they are moderately successful playing in the WAC, which we know is going away.  Give them the money of a BCS conference and who knows what they will do, right?  Okay, we do know... they'll average about 4 to 6 wins per year, but still, wouldn't it be awesome to see what they might do?  And heck, Colorado is going to win about 5 games per year for the foreseeable future, and the Fresno Dawgs are much more fun.

THE MAC

Stays intact, and by the time 2013 rolls around, when The Summit happens, UMass will be a full member.  I mean, do you know enough about The MAC to discuss realignment and expansion?  Did you even know they were the only conference to have 13 football schools?  Me neither.  

After all the moving and switching I did, the only independent team I had left was Army.  I guess the MAC would take them, but that would give them 15 teams and somehow, 14 is fine, 15 is too many and then we start all over.


THE SUNBELT

The teams in now are Florida International and Atlantic, their bands, Arkansas State, Louisiana Lafeyette and Monroe, Western Kentucky, North Texas and Middle Tennessee State.  Troy drops them like a bad habit, leaving an 8 team conference

CONFERENCE USA

All the teams stay the same, including East Carolina, Marshall, UAB, Central Florida, Southern Miss, Memphis, Rice, Tulane, Tulsa and UTEP.

Con-USA loses two members, that being Houston and Southern Methodist.  But the teams they gain?

In my plan, these two teams really never have to
play each other again.

LA Tech... Who in the blue blazes decided it was a good idea for LA Tech to join the WAC?  Its like the "Grocery Bag Conference", as in, they just hold the bag under all the other conferences and whichever teams filter through, they catch in their bag and go with it.  At first, I had LA Tech in the New Sunbelt, but Con USA needed 12 teams, plus it helps distance them from the other two LAs, that being Monroe and Lafeyette.

Troy... This is where they should be.  Heck, they are 2-0 in Big XII games at home.  They need to move beyond the Sunbelt and get into a conference with a title game.  One that me and my best mate Wookiee could attend.  It would rule.

THE SEC

Again, an easy conference, because they keep everything status quo, with Auburn, Alabama, LSU, Mississippi State, Ole Miss and Arkansas on one side, and Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee and South Carolina.  Vandy defected and is now in The Big East, and is enjoying 6 and 7 win seasons on a regular basis.  But filling that final spot?

Virginia Tech... Yeah, I know, VA Tech?  Really?  But seriously... it gives the SEC another market, it gets VA Tech out from under Miami and FSU and lets them really test Frank Beamer's teams with the best in the SEC East and replacing Vandy with VA Tech on a schedule would be another nail in the awesomeness house that the SEC has built.

THE BIG XII

This is the conference I had the most trouble with.  I went back and forth, I had both Air Force and Boise State in here at one time or another, I dabbled with the idea of Utah coming here, I even thought of TCU joining the Big XII... but decided on adding four teams to bring it up to 12 total, making it... The Big 12.

Remember, we lost Missouri and Iowa State to The Big Ten earlier.

So, let's keep Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Baylor, Texas, Texas Tech, Kansas, Kansas State, and yes, Texas A&M here.  Let's add the following...

Southern Methodist... They are still rebounding from the death penalty from the 80s, and frankly, I think they'll benefit immensely from this move.  They want back in, too, and I think they would be a great addition.

Houston... I figure Case Keenum will stay for another 3 to 8 years, so they'll continually be good.  I think Houston is like Baylor, one of those teams that when they are on, they are on.

Colorado... Another "shoulda never left" team.  They are going to get eaten alive in the PAC.

Brigham Young... Yes, they are independent.  But they shouldn't be.  BYU needs to be in a conference, and I think they are a little too big for the Mountain West.  Stick 'em in the Big XII, the Mormons will join the Sooners, and it will be good times all around.

So there ya go.  This is a perfect way to solve all the BCS mess and the NCAA problems, to get LA Tech playing games not in Pacific islands, to keep A&M where they belong, to get Vandy to a place where they can actually win back to back games and to rid us of the ACC title game.

THIS will work.  I promise.

The Summer of Blogging, Day Sixty Eight 

The College Football Preview Post

College football season has now officially started... I meant to blog and post this earlier today, but I got kinda busy, then I meant to post this earlier this evening, then I got dragged to Buy Buy Baby to help with the baby registry and, holy crap, I'm not sure I even understand the purpose of what half the stuff we registered for is.  What the heck is a drop-in when it comes to baby bottles?  I'm sure I'll find out, but not tonight.

Lots of media have already given their picks for the titles, the conference championships, even the Heisman, but they did it weeks ago, which means they couldn't account for the brouhaha in the bar for LSU, or the Tressle Messle, or the Miami Booster Bust... but not me.  I waited until College Football Day One.  So I can be objective.

So, here is the first official Clouds in My Coffee College Football prediction post.  Your winners--bank on 'em--for each of the Division I-A FBS football conferences...

Let's kick off with the minor conferences...

Con-USA... Houston defeats East Carolina in the title game.  Houston has Case Keenum, who has been playing for what seems like 7 years.

Go Troy!  Go Troy!  Go Troy!  Go Troy!

The Sun Belt... Troy Trojans.  Duh.  8-4.

The MAC... The University of Ohio over Toledo.  I think Frank Solich is experienced enough to be huge at Ohio this year.

Mountain West... Tough one, as its the only season where Boise State (who just left the WAC) and TCU (who is going to the Big East in 2012) will play in the same conference.  Even if Boise State loses to Georgia this weekend (which won't happen), the Broncos will more than likely run the table afterwards, win the conference and at least be in the hunt for a BCS at-large berth

The WAC... The loss of both Brigham Young (went indie) and Boise State this season (and Fresno State, which I believe joins the Mountain West, next year) leaves this conference floundering.  It does open the door for someone besides the Broncs to win, though, and I'm guessing Nevada or Fresno, though I'll lean Nevada.

And now, the big boys...

The ACC... Everyone is hyping Florida State like crazy, like Jimbo Fisher has created a monster in the offseason. Personally, I think the whole "Miami & FSU become the ACC tentpoles" expirament has been a fiasco.  However, looking at the ACC as a whole, I can't argue too much with the FSU hype, as there aren't many other teams that are going to be worth much.  Still, I'm picking Virginia Tech over FSU in the ACC title game.

The Big Ten Eleven Twelve Ten... The new blood is Nebraska, giving us the 12 team Big 10, and I think out of all the offseason moves, the best one has been this Husker transition.  With Ohio State a shell (good), this is as good a season as any for Nebraska to dominate--and face it, don't you miss the days when Nebraska, Notre Dame and Penn State were always good enough to hate?  Anyway, I think Wisconsin will roll this season in the conference, and will knock off Nebraska in the Legends vs Leaders title game.

Landry Jones coming back for one more year

The Big XII... XI... X... IX... XII... As far as conferences that won't exist in three years go, Oklahoma is the national darling right now.  But Oklahoma has burned me before... aren't they always supposed to be good, and end up sorta kinda sucking a little when it matters?  But Texas is still solving their problems, teams from Iowa (which should go to the Big 10) or Kansas or Missouri just ain't gonna do it, and neither is Oklahoma State.  I think Texas A&M, in what will likely be their final season before a possible SEC union (cue frowny face) will contend, but due to lack of good competition, I say Oklahoma.

The Big East... If you can explain to me why this is still a BCS conference, and the Mountain West isn't, then you are a better man than I.  Sure, they've got UNLV, New Mexico and Wyoming, but you can't tell me those teams are any worse than The Big East's Syracuse or Rutgers, or Cincinnati in the post Brian Kelly years.  But, in 2012, TCU joins and makes this a much better list.  Oh, I dunno... West Virginia?  Louisville?  Nah.  South Florida, your Big East champs.

The Pac 12... I like this conference, because they went with "Pac" and not "Big", so they can change the numbers as needed.   I feel like this conference mirrors the SEC, only if the best teams are in one division--the North--like the SEC West.  That leaves the title game with only one of the two best teams playing in it, and the other team being the 3rd, maybe 4th best, but yet a division winner just due to how its lined up.  Anyway, Oregon... believe the hype.  Stanford... don't.  Watch the Ducks dominate Arizona State in the Pac 12 championship.

Go Gators!  Go Gators!  Go Gators!  Tim Tebow... come back.

The SEC... Ah, the Southeastern Conference.  How you can even come close to suggesting that there is any conference close to the SEC?  I don't say that as a homer... just a fact.  Heck, the state of Alabama alone has given us two national championships and two Heisman winners in two years.  Georgia is the media love this go round, at least in the East, though South Carolina is getting a lot of love.  However, I'm going Florida.  Why?  South Carolina always falls apart at the end of the year.  Always.  Georgia is... well, Georgia.  Good team, not great.  That doesn't mean Florida will be that great, but they'll be good enough to back into the SEC Championship Game only to get steamrolled by Alabama by about 38 points.  Does Tennessee still have a team?

LSU is going to suffer because of what they've gone through, Arkansas is good, but not great, and Mississippi State is almost good, nowhere near great.  Either way, I'm guessing Alabama will win the SEC, while Auburn gets to a 6-6 record.  Just too many losses in the offseason.

THE HEISMAN... Oh, who the heck knows.  If 364 days ago from today, you said Cam Newton would win the 2010 Heisman, you'd be laughed off the planet.  But, I'll go with the Kool-Aid and say Andrew Luck.

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP... Another shot in the dark, because again, if you said 364 days ago that Auburn would win the BCS, again you'd be laughed out of town by all by the most diehard of Aubies.  However, it pains me to say it, but I'm picking Alabama over Oregon.  I don't think Oklahoma will have the BCS points to make it--if only because the Big XII is down, and Oklahoma's strength of schedule will take a big hit.

And here's my Top 25 to start the season...
1) Alabama
2) Oregon
3) Oklahoma
4) Boise State
5) Texas A&M
6) LSU
7) Wisconsin
8) Florida State
9) South Carolina
10) Troy
11) Oklahoma State
12) Nebraska
13) Stanford
14) TCU
15) Virginia Tech
16) Georgia
17) Mississippi State
18) Florida
19) West Virginia
20) Arkansas
21) Notre Dame
22) Texas
23) South Florida
24) Michigan State
25) Auburn

Bank on it.  Place your bets

The Summer of Blogging Day Sixty Seven

The 100 Coolest Things of 2010... #80 to 71

As always, you'd be better reading this on the mothership, not on Facebook, because of video, photos and the general screw up in lay out that happens when it imports into FB...

The 100th to 91st Coolest Things of 2010
The 90th to 81st Coolest Things of 2010

80... Affleck Robs a Bank
So, he gets a bad rap, but somehow, someway, not only as Ben Affleck turned into a credible actor, he's actually a pretty good director too.  In 2007, he directed--and starred in--"Gone Baby Gone", an excellent Boston crime mystery, and now, he's back with "The Town".



The story simply is that Affleck and a few of his buddies are bank robbers, including an excellent Jeremy Renner, and are trying to finish up their theivery career.  The film then follows Doug (Affleck) and his boys as they try to pick up the pieces after a robbery goes wrong, and after he ends up with a relationship with a chick they took hostage.

Jon Hamm, from "Mad Men", shows up as an FBI agent chasing them and... okay, I know, I know what you are thinking... "This sounds like every other bank robber movie, with a main character and an impossible romance (check) and heist gone wrong (check) and being talked into one last heist that they didn't want to do (check) and the rogue agent right on their tail (check)..." but seriously, its better than that.

There is a load of language in it, including a whole lotta F-bombs, and there is some violence--it is about criminals robbing banks, after all--and the like, perhaps not as Emmy Turnbow Safe as you'd want it to be.  But a great film, nonetheless.

79... "American Honey"
Song by Lady Antebellum off of their "Need You Now" CD.  What can I say?  Great song.

78... The A-Team Gets a Redux
Much like "Unstoppable",  the 81st Coolest Thing of 2010, "The A-Team" is nothing more than a popcorn flick, though what it has over "Unstoppable"--for better or worse--is characters that anyone over 25 will be familiar with.

Here's what I said on June 21st:

All in all,you can tell that this movie was made by people who loved the original TV show... it didn't set out to mock the show, or move the show from its original direction, it modernizes the tale, brings it to nowadays and sets up what might be a mildly successful movie franchise.


Bottom line, if you liked the TV show, you can consider this a PG-13, one hour and forty two minute version of that very show... most people I know liked this movie alot, and those people loved the original show... however, if you didn't like the TV show, you won't like this film at all. If you have no concept of the TV show, you'll view this movie as a popcorn ride with some interesting characters who's names you might be familiar with.

You can read the full review by clicking here...

I know this might be blasphemy, but a few weeks after I saw the movie, I was flipping channels and happened to see that an episode of The A-Team was coming on some ethnic channel called Centric One.  So, I flipped over and watched about half of it... and... well... it was bad.  I mean, really bad.  When I was 11 years old, this show was the junk.  Everything about it was rockin' awesome.  Now, especially since I feel like my tastes are more refined, I couldn't watch it.  The acting was bad, the story was bad, the jokes were horrid... maybe if I watched it again, my bar will be much, much lower, but I guess I was shocked by how terrible it was.  Just sayin'.

77... Jeff Bridges Finds a Legacy
Back in 1982, a little movie came out called TRON, and for its day (I'm sure you've heard this before, but I'll reiterate), it was revolutionary.  The graphics were new, the special effects were amazing, the story was creative and brand new, and it was all the rage.  But like many films from that era, or any era, it slowly slipped into the forgotten movies pile, becoming something only a certain aged section of the population would even remember, or even recognize by name.  TRON was a forgotten movie.  Even seeing it some years later, the story holds up, but the special effects are... ehh.

Smashcut to 2009, when a huge announcement was made--they were doing a sequel to TRON.  No one knew what it was about, no one knew how it would be recieved, but finally, another TRON movie would be presented to the world, one that would reunite the fans of the original with the Light Cycles and The Grid, one that would introduce new fans to just such things. 



TRON: Legacy came out in December 2010, and I went to see it as quick as I could... and I loved it.  It was just what the doctor ordered for the continuation of TRON.  Okay, I'll be real here--some of it is kind of hokey, especially when you see there are homeless "people" in The Grid, and when you discover there is an actual nightclub with real DJs and everything.  But the Light Cycles are worth the price of admission... no longer were they single beams of light cutting at immediate right and left angles (which itself was really cool), they were cycles that went in all directions, up, down, side to side and back again, which made for a great little Cycle Battle scene.

The effects have gotten worlds better, and even though its no secret that Jeff Bridges plays not only the main character, Flynn, in both TRON and its sequel, but they superimposed a much younger version of his face onto the villian, Clu, and at some points it looks terrible--but that's neither here nor there.  This was made to be a fun, futuristic, eat popcorn movie and I ate popcorn, thought it was fun and enjoyed it immensely.

Oh, and if you've seen the original and then watch Legacy, and think that "Alan Bradley" looks familiar, just wait.  It took me a minute, but I caught it.

76... Auburn Wins Alot
Who'd thunk it?  While Auburn didn't technically win their championship until January 2011, their magnificent season alone was worth a mention in the Coolest 100 of 2010.  You could have called them the Cardiac Cats, and many people did, at the first part of the season, as they kept getting way behind, then playing catch up all game, and pulling out the victory.

Which meant when they fell behind 24 points to Alabama, Cam Newton simply said, "Eh, we got this..." and darn if they didn't do just that.  Big Daddy Ron and Bro-in-Law Tyler went to the game, and when Bama had their big lead at halftime, with Tyler celebrating and high fiving everyone around, Ron just smiled and said, "This ain't enough... we didn't score enough points..." 

Yep, I'm a Gator Guy.  I still appreciated Auburn's win, and the SEC's fourth straight BCS Championship and what, five in seven years?  That's called domination.

Y'all Bammers call it what you want.  We all know that if Cam Newton had chosen Alabama, had won the school a 2nd consecutive Heisman, then led them to another nation championship (14th?  17th?  328th?) then every member of the Roll Tide nation would have defended him just like Auburn did, and conversely, every Auburn fan would be accusing Alabama of winning a dirty title.  Let's be real here.

75... Glee Finds a Queen
The Lovely Steph Leann loves her some Glee... I mean, like, l-o-v-es her some Glee on Tuesday nights, so much so that she's been completely excited when I've bought her Glee CDs as presents for certain occasions.  Now I must tell you in the spirit of full disclosure, I like Glee.  I don't love Glee, but I do enjoy it when I happen to be with The Lovely Steph Leann in the same room, and its on.  Maybe its the frequent appearances by Kristen Chenoweth.



Anyway, their versions of songs are usually good, but very rarely do they top the originals--but "Somebody To Love" is magnificent.  Its the Queen song, which usually ranks at the bottom of my Queen Favorite Songs List, that when is sung by Glee, takes on a whole new meaning and a whole new sound.  Love it.

74... Wal-Mart Has an Effect
So, in March of 2010, I read a book on Wal-Mart.  Don't ask me why, but I thought it was well written and told a great story of Wal-Mart's rise and business practices.  Here's what I wrote on April 3rd of last year:

I picked up the most fascinating book two weeks ago, solidifying the theory that I will read anything if it grabs my attention in the first chapter. "The Wal-Mart Effect" by Charles Fishman is a book all about... well, not just Wal-Mart, but the effect it has on those who buy from there, those vendors who Wal-Mart buys from, those communities in which Wal-Mart chooses to plant themselves... and also those people who don't buy from Wal-Mart, those vendors who Wal-Mart doesn't buy from (or doesn't anymore), and those communities from which Wal-Mart chooses to not be a part of--or be a part of anymore.

The book isn't about the history of Wal-Mart, though it does devote a page or two to its beginnings and its founders. Mostly, its about the good... and bad... of the largest private company in the history of the world. Fishman does his best to make sure he covers both sides of the equation... like, all the good Wal-Mart has done...

You can read the complete post here.

73... The Author Leaves a Note
Imagine my own surprise when I opened up my blog site, a day after reviewing "The Wal-Mart Effect", which you just read about above, and finding out that the author of the book itself left a comment on the page.  Sez Charles Fishman:
 
Wow, fabulous review. Almost as long as the book itself... The one thing you didn't offer your readers is a link to the book's website, where people can read reviews and other excerpts. http://www.walmarteffectbook.com.   Or, of course:  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0143038788/thewalmarte09-20

Thanks for the close and appreciative read.
Charles Fishman
Author, "The Wal-Mart Effect"
cnfish@mindspring.com

How great is that?  I thought it was... well, cool.  You can also find a few more links, plus a funny Wal-Mart story courtesy of Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) by clicking here.

72... Columbus Kills a Zombie
Once again, I remind you that this isn't a Coolest List of Things That Came Out Last Year, because our 72nd ranked Coolest, the movie "Zombieland", was actually released in 2009... but I didn't see it until some time last year, so hence, it makes the 2010 list.

Before "The Social Network" blew up his career into the stratosphere, Jesse Eisenberg starred in a number of films, including "Zombieland", where he plays Columbus, who is a survivor in a world where most people have turned to zombies.  He's trying to get to his parents in Columbus, Ohio, in which you learn that his name isn't really Columbus.. its what he is called because that's his hometown.  And then he runs into Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) and Wichita (Emma Stone, who I am just loving right now), and the comedy begins amongst all the destruction of zombies. 

And right smack dab in the middle is an incredible cameo by Bill Murray, which is the most hilarious part in an already extremely hilarious film. 

The scene as the festival got busier in the evening

71... The Middle Eastern Have a Festival
Every year, around October or so, there's a Catholic church which holds its annual Middle Eastern Festival, featuring delicious foods like kibbie, grape leaves, meat pies and spinach pies, an entire table full of desserts and hundreds of people milling around, and this year, our wonderful friends, The Zarzaurs--That being Chris, kids The Zach Attack, Jay Z and Special K, and of course, The Statuesque Melanie, invited The Lovely Steph Leann and I to come and eat and enjoy the festivities.

We pulled up to the church and as we crested the hill, we came up this huge tent canopy, full of tables and people getting full.  When we walked inside, we were met with the kids taking orders and running around like crazy, Chris Z throwing food onto a plate just as fast as he could, and Melanie trying to keep the peace and order--probably not unlike her usual evenings at home.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I enjoyed the food very much, sitting outside and watching a large group of kids dance (re: belly dance), and as we were about to leave, Melanie mentioned how rough the afternoon had been and was going to be, well into the evening.  The reason being?  Alabama was playing South Carolina--and all the free help wanted to watch the game.  The Lovely Steph Leann was pretty exhausted, so she bowed out, but I agreed to come back in a little while and help serve.

Melanie and The Zack Attack taking a break.  Actually,
The Zack Attack was bored to tears by this time.

And that's what I did.  I arrived back, and was immediately placed in the food assembly line.  There were several different kinds of plates, which I learned quickly, so I spent the next five hours filling the plates with rice and kibbie and meat and grape leaves and on and on, as the kids milled about, sometimes helping, sometimes not, and Melanie milled about, sometimes helping, sometimes getting onto the kids because they weren't.

It was a great time, spending a little bit of time in a bit of a culture I don't know much about.  I don't mean that everyone there was Middle Eastern and no one spoke English, but that it took place in a Catholic Church, which I was able to ask questions about, and the food alone was great conversation. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to help this year, if invited back!

Coming up... Norah Jones features... find out who dropped you on Facebook... and later, the best hat in the whole world...