Idol Hits The Vegas Strip

The Pepsi can is opened, and the voiceover says, "Enjoy the show".  The Lovely Steph Leann whispers to no one in particular, "Oh, we will..."

Over 742 million people auditioned, according to Seacrusty and Idol's stats... but now, we are down to only 70.  And tonight, we will trim that number even further.  Tonight, the Idols travel to Las Vegas to perform on the big stage... because they can't do that in Los Angeles, apparently.

THIS IS

VEGAS

IDOL,

BABY

Tonight, they'll be singing music from the 1950s & 60s, performing on the Viva Elvis stage, traveling by bus.  The groups have been instructed to form groups of three or four, and will be working with vocal coaches.  Like Peggy.  Remember mean Peggy? She's back!

And here are the highlights:

• Skylar Laine is having all kinds of trouble... she says, "All my friends got cut, so I'm lost without a group..."  She was placed in a group with Colton Dixon and two others.
• A quick look at the judges, and The Lovely Steph Leann merely says, "Wow.  Randy the Dawg's argyle sweater..."
• We also find out immediately that Colton's Sister is still in the group--first we've seen of her in weeks!
• Cari, Chase, Colton and Skylar are all dressed in their fancy 50s garb, and sound great.  I guess being in Vegas affords them the chance to dress up, and they've got an old Ford Mustang and 50s props behind them.  And the cuts are made immediately.  Chase, Colton and Skylar make it through... Cari Quoysnerourour goes home, just like that.
• The next group features four of the youngest contestants who have all been friends since they met in the Savannah audition line... and they are singing a song that seems easy enough, "Rockin' Robin", yet is turning out to be really hard.  
• The trick on doing these songs is that each person wants equal time to showcase their vocal talents... so "Rockin Robin" is divided up four ways, each taking random lines here and there, all trying to really shine.  And all four, including Little Pimp David Leathers, make it through.
• White Chocolate is leading three chicks in doing "Great Balls of Fire", jamming on the piano.  They all doing their thing all over the stage, looking kinda weird.  Angie Gaga freaks me out.  Erika Van Pelt didn't sound that great, and some chick named Shelby also kinda soured.  And they all live to sing another day.
• Dressed as USO Nurses, Schylar Dixon (Colton's missing sister), Brielle Von Hugel and some other chick do "Why Do Fools Fall In Love", though its not awesome.  Its decent, I guess.  Doesn't matter the other name, as she gets cut.  
• Seacrusty runs through a list of names we should know that were cut, like Wayne Wilson?  Aubrey Deckmayer?  Like, I vaguely remember these names... Stephanie Renae?  Ah, who cares.  They are gone.  
• Reed Grimm channels his inner Michael Buble with his group performance, doing Bobby Vee's "The Night has a Thousand Eyes".  Also in the group is Elise Testosterone!  Love this chick!  Haley Johnson sounds great!  And Lil Eban, who is a prime candidate for becoming The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol, brings it to a close, and this is the best performance by any one Idol or group so far this season.
• And Jerkweed Cowboy Richie has joined up with Big Jermaine to make the only duo of the round.  And they are both baritones.  Ebony and Ivory.  And their song is proving to be difficult... Vocal Coach Debra sends them away to learn the melody of the song before practicing with the piano.  Cowboy Jerk is, of course, blaming Big Jermaine.  He says, "I didn't come here to recycle music.  I came here to make it."
• The Lovely Steph Leann and I both like Big Jermaine... "But I hope this doesn't screw Jermaine over", she says.
• Big Jermaine sounds great... but Jerkweek Cowboy sounds like Kermit the Frog is trying to do an imitation of himself.  But the judges liked it lots.  And they both make it through.
• Baylie Brown!!!!  
• Seacrusty shows us Chelsea Sorrell, and both The Lovely Steph Leann and I go, "Who?"
• One of our vocal coaches is Piesha McPhee... that's right, the mom of My Dear Kat McPhee!  
• We've got three Idols that have gotten virtually no screen time so far, and I seriously think that Kenny G is auditioning as a singer.  
• About Candice Glover, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She's good, but her outfit is not.  A woman of size should not wear pants like that without a top that compliments it.  Dress your body to look good."

We've been hearing about a "twist", and its revealed... with 10 more groups coming on Day Two, if they find great groups, they might make more cuts to those who made it through on Day One. 

The Lovely Steph Leann and I debate the merits of this, and we both agree this is a little unfair to tell an Idol that you are through, then tell them that no, they didn't make it to the end of the round after all.  We shall see.

More highlights:

• The dude that just spelled "Vegas" by saying "V-A-G-A-S"... cut him now.  And the guy who said, "We will be singing 'Jailhouse Rock' on the same stage that Elvis sang on!", referring a stage that was built what, ten years ago?  Right.  
• The Neopolitans, as they call themselves, include Jessica Phillips, Brittany Kellogg and Courtney Whatshernuts have made the confident proclamation, "We didn't need to practice with the band.  We sing for a living."  This isn't going to be good.  And its not stellar, by any stretch.
• And the judges all catch them on the chances they took in the song--"if you are going to take those chances, you need to be unbelievable, and you weren't...", says J-Lo.  Brittany Kellogg makes it through.  Courtney Whatshernuts makes it through.  Jessica Phillips gets cut.  She's the chick with the special needs boo... and its sad, because I really liked her.
• I say I liked her... and then Jessica becomes a brat on camera... "They aren't looking for real artists... there are people who are making it through that aren't as good as me," spoken while standing next to Courtney and Brittany, who reaches over and grabs Jessica's hand--and Jessica blows her off.
• Finally, we get to Vocal Coach Peggy, who drills her people with a hammer.  And insults them.  And chides them.  And warns them, "Do not NOT sing it..." Kinda reminds me of the "Again" scene in "Miracle" when Coach Brooks makes his team skate about forty times back and forth on the rink.
• Lauren Grey starts off "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow", with Wendy Taylor, who, at 28, is on her last chance, and Mathenee Treco (who?  what?), who gets some screen time.  Lauren and Wendy get cut, Mathenee (he's a guy) gets cut.
• So, I can't spell Asian Guy's name, so I will call him Asian Guy for now--if you watch this show, you know who I mean.  He says, "Do we have scary vocal coach?"  And the answer is Yes.  Vocal Coach Peggy is in full effect.
• Neco Starr, who already has a Hollywood name, is with Asian Guy, Jairon Jackson and Phillip2 doing "I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos.  Flamingoes?  Heejun!  That's his name!
• Poor Heejun... he's now such an Idol favorite to showcase his humorous moments and such, he has to wait til the end of every round to perform, so American Idol can tease his performances with funny clips and soundbites.  They all four make it through to the next round.
• Or do they?  
• The Final Group calls themselves Lady & the Spectacles, which is a fun name... and they are doing "Sealed with a Kiss".  Nick Boddington, Jen Hirsh, The Welfare Timberlake and Aaron Marcellus Wallace are featured here, and though they all sound good, the whole thing is sort of boring. Aaron Marcellus Wallace, The Welfare Timberlake and Jen Hirsh make it through... Nicky B says goodbye.

Day Two Idols have finished.  So all of Day One has been brought back to the stage for another round of cuts... and Day Two have been asked to join them.  J-Lo breaks it down, and they have to get down to 40 people.  

Little Pimp David Leathers makes it.  Colton Dixon makes it.  Schlyar, the sister, doesn't make it.  And Colton cries on camera, and tells us how much he thinks it sucks.  Eben makes it.  Reed Grimm moves on.  Jerkweed Cowboy, Big Jermaine make it.  Angie Gaga says goodbye.  And Brittany Kellogg gets cut, and has a breakdown.  "I worked my butt off, every performance was perfect, I dont get it."  

Lauren Grey moves on.  The Welfare Timberlake moves on.  But a total of 27 other people said goodbye... leaving a Top 40.

And next week, each of the 40 get one final performance, then the judges cut 16 out... then, our Top 24 head to the voters.  

Plus, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler moons us.  Cant wait!

Group Night Idol Highlights

Well, its been quite a day today... Our little man has been fussy, so we don't even start Wednesday's episode until Thursday around 7pm or so... but The Lovely Steph Leann is on the couch, feeding Camp, and we are ready to go...

THIS 

IS

AMERICAN

IDOL GROUP NIGHT

Rather than going note by note, due to lack of time and energy, I'll touch on the highlights...

• Everyone keeps forgetting the words.  We get a montage of people who keeps forgetting the words, including a few people who just make up lines like, "I can't believe... I blew my shot..."
• Some of our favorites get knocked out, including the dude who quit his job to audition.
• The Bettys, who had part of the group go to bed and part who kept working, had a bad audition... the one who stayed made it through, one who went to bed made it through, and the one who came back got cut.  So goes it.
• The Idolites are dropping like flies, as we have no less than three who faint and/or throw up, including one chick who passes out on stage, causing Seacrusty to shout a word that has to be deleted.  The worst part about it was one of the dudes kept singing, you know, just in case, 'til Randy the Dawg shuts him down.
• Symone Black, the fainter from our previous episode, doesn't make it either.
• A standout group early in the show, busting out some "Hold On (i'm coming)", and all four dudes and the chick, Jen Hirsh, sail through.
• We see some entire groups get cut, mostly due to lack of lyric memorization.  Maybe I'm just dreaming, but you ask me to learn any song, I've got 24 hours to do so, and my entire career is on the line, I'm freaking learning that song.  Every last note.  I mean, I'd do the entire 14 minutes of "Rapper's Delight" if I had to.  All seven verses of "Lyin' Eyes".  Or the quick lyrics of Eminem's "Without Me"... I'd get it down.
• The MIT (multi international talent) group, with a black dude, two white dudes and an Asian guy, has been the feature of several segments due to one of the white dudes--the cowboy--taking over and running the show, and the other guys not being happy about it (but not speaking up to Cowboy).  And they all make it through.
• Asian Dude (I forget his name) says on camera, "I'm sorry I talks alot of craps about Richie (cowboy), since you will see it on TV".  Hilarious.
• Elise Testosterone makes it through!  I hope she makes the Semis, because I like the idea of typing "Elise Testosterone" over and over.  Its a better name than Peepee Tuscany!

Now, the group round is over, and 98 are left.  Each will perform a single song, either alone or with the house band, and they wont get their results until the end of the day--this is when they move the Idols into groups, into the waiting rooms, and they go to each room and tell the entire room Yay or Nay.

More highlights

• Dude named Joshua just killin' it with "Jar of Hearts", bringing the soul and the house down.  You want to be in the room with this guy.  J-Lo, Creepy Uncle Stevie and Randy the Dawg gave him a standing O
• We see Colton Dixon, who didn't want to audition again after last year, making it to the solo round, but we are wondering what happened to his sister, who was the one who actually did want to audition, and was overshadowed by her reluctant brother.
• Phillip Phillips?  We need him too.  I'm thinking of just calling him Phil2.  Or P2.  Or maybe Phillip2.  
• Jen Hirsh is doing the only version of "Georgia on My Mind" that I actually could tolerate.  Except for Michael Bolton, natch.
• The Welfare Justin Timberlake, by the name of Creighton Fraker, sings "What a Wonderful World".  Don't want him to make it.  "The Welfare Justin Timberlake" is a lot to type every time I reference The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Heck, last season's America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina almost killed me. 
• Seacrusty tells us "So far, its been a great start to Solo Day".  Which means we'll now get the bad auditions.
• With thunder crashing in the background and rain pelting outside, its throwing people off apparently.  Like, Reid Grimm, who was going to do acapella, so he didn't practice with the band.  And then Seacrusty tells him that he can't do a capella.  So he has 30 minutes to get a song ready with the band, though he only has the vocal coach to work with, not the band.  Not good times. 
• And in the middle of it, he asks to call his mom... he's headed for a breakdown.
• Shannon Magrane is doing "What a Wonderful World", garnering cheers and yelps from the audience and a good deal of head bobbing from the judges.  
• Back to Reid, he's, in effect, having a breakdown.  And is in tears to his mom, wondering if all of this is even right for him.  You know what?  There are 97 other people who want this, without question.  Go home, you pansy.
• Reid gets onstage, and gets behind the drums.  And will audition while playing such.  He starts singing, and immediately Randy the Dawg looks at J-Lo and says, "We got another Casey there."  She agrees. Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler gives the slight head shake, with a satisfied smile, eyes closed.  Either he loves this, or he's still thinking about Shannon Magrane, who was just on.
• And here comes the clips of those emotional because they know they might have blown it.  
• Sklyar Laine woke up at 4am, ended up at the hospital to get fluids for dehydration, and is back onstage, singing a little twangy country.  Not bad.
• Rachelle Lamb forgets her words, but recoups nicely, while Adam "White Chocolate" Brock ends the day with a tone that makes The Lovely Steph Leann quietly go, "Mmmm..."  I don't even make her do that.  What the...?

Now, the 98 must go into the Holding Room and wait.  Wait to die.  Wait to live.  Wait for an absolution that will never come.  The 98 are split into four groups, into four rooms.  Two rooms will advance. Two will go home.

Where the crap is Baylie Brown?  I'm wondering if she gets cut, thus the reason Idol has forgotten all about her... 

Room 1 contains The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Room 2 has Phillip2.  Room 3 has Rachelle Lamb.  And in Room 4, Baylie Brown sits.

Looks like Room 1 will get the call... Colton Dixon is in there. That Joshua guy is there, as is White Chocolate... J-Lo, Randy the Dawg and Creepy Uncle Steven come in, and tell them that they are all through.  Jermaine Jones makes it!   Lauren Grey makes it!  The screams erupt, and can be heard down the hall in Room 3. 

Because they now feature Room 3, I'm guessing this room doesn't make it.  And the Idols in that room know it, as some start crying before knowing anything.  And we even have a slight cat-fight between two chicks who aren't getting along to well.  

Room 2 makes it, with Reed Grimm, Shannon Magrane, Jessica Phillips and Phillip2.  They scream in celebration... 

And this means two rooms won't make it.  And now we definitely know which ones.  Room 3 gets the news, including Kid from Kid N Play, Rachelle Lamb and NBA Dancer Brittany Kerr.

Finally, Room 4. Including my dear sweet Baylie Brown, who gets cut.  Again.  Is there no justice in this world?  Here comes the judges, and Randy the Dawg goes on and on about how tough it was... then tells them... THEY MADE IT!  

THREE ROOMS MAKE IT!  Baylie Brown Lives!!!

Which has to suck for Room 3... that's like, 24 people out of 98 that didn't make it!  

So, the remaining contestants head to Las Vegas, for another group night with full band.  And you will read it all here...

Just Another Sad Love Song Part 1

"Its just another sad love song, racking my brain like crazy. Guess I'm all torn up, be it fast or slow, it doesn't let go or shake me... and its all because of you..." -- Another Sad Love Song by Toni Braxton

Some years ago, say, 2006, I did a post called "Sad Songs Say So Much", where I listed what I felt was the 20th Saddest Songs Ever.


Well, here we are, six full years later, and its time to revisit. So for this Valentine's Day, I wanted to give you my new list, this time, The 25 Saddest Songs Ever... many of the songs are the same, just lower or higher, but since in six years I've gained several new readers, this is new to you!

Broken into 2 parts for length and time (I've got just long enough to finish this before The Lovely Steph Leann wakes up, meaning Campbell wakes up on the couch and I've got to feed him. And her), here is numbers 25 through 11... the top ten will be listed in a day or so. I promise.

Note... these are all about heartbreak. There are many songs out there about abuse and suicide and death and tragedy and destruction and such, but I centered only on the loneliness, despair and ache that can only be felt with a broken heart... except for one song, which will be explained when we get there. So no "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men, a song about death.

Honorable Mentions... "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel (too much like #23)... "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (overplayed to the point that its lost its punch)... "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (too easy)... "Superstar" by The Carpenters (too stalkery).... and "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss (too drunky)


(25) "Somebody Lied" by Ricky Van Shelton 
"Hello? Yeah, this is me. Lord, its been a long, long time. I know this ain't no social call, so go ahead, get it off your mind. You heard what? Well, it ain't true. I was here most all last night... I got over you the day you left, could it be somebody lied?"

Talk about a gut wrenching song... this dude gets a call from his ex-chick, and his ex is like, "Dude, I heard you been asking about me too all our friends... what the crap, yo?" and he is like, "Naw, that ain't me. Somebody been lying to you." And then she's like, "Man, I been done heard you been like, crying and all to all of our peeps, yo." And then, he is like, "Naw, I ain't shed a tear in years. And that I talked about you? That is crazy... I ain't even noticed you be gone, yo."

Then, he asked, "... so, if they were true, what would it matter to you, would it change the way you feel? If the rumors were right, would you be here tonight, to help this old heart heal? But, don't worry, it wasn't me. Just someone who's world was torn in two. Someone who looks alot like me, and loves someone like you."

(24) "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi
"... I guess this time your really leaving... I heard your suitcase say goodbye... and as my broken heart lies bleeding... you said true love is suicide..."

Ouch. Jon Bon Jovi's growly voice kicks in after a memorable twangy opening, then spends the next five minutes or so simply begging and pleading for her not to leave.

But she ain't having it. She says she's cried a thousand rivers, but now she's swimming for the shore.

(23) "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen, the "Jerry Maguire" version
"...I was just about to tell you... that I love him. I DO! I love him! And I don't care what you think, I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man... he almost is! I love him, Laurel. I love him. I love him."

That line is spoken in the depths of the movie "Jerry Maguire", one of my 100 favorite films of all time, and also at the very beginning of this version of the highly underrated Bruce Springsteen song. Its a song all about a chick who is distant, who is secretive, who lets her man in only so far, then pushes him away... while the dude himself yearns to be closer to her. "She lead you down a path, there'll be tenderness in the air. She'll let you in just far enough so you'll know she's really there..." Sad, sad.


I frakkin' love this movie. No joke.

(22) "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley
"...don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend its him in some fantasy. Darling, just once let yesterday go, you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight, and don't close your eyes..."

So, not only does this guy have to suffer through having a chick, being in love with this chick even, that he knows has a previous man... but he has to suffer with the knowledge that even though she is with him, she's thinking of her previous man! What!? What what?! So rather than telling her to hit the bricks, he actually just begs her to just stay awake, because if she closes her eyes or goes to sleep, she'll think of her old boo. Sad. And even worse, I've been there.

And its even worse that Keith Whitley ended up drinking himself to death a few years after this monumental hit.

(21) "With or Without You" by U2
"see the stone set in your eyes, feel the thorn twist in your side, and I wait... for you."

I echo my sentiments from six years ago... You chicks are evil. Seriously.

(20) "Separate Lives" by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin
"Oh, its so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall (build that wall), you build that wall, and you make it stronger... you have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind. Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes. But for now, we'll go on living... separate lives."

Whew. Written by Stephen Bishop (a soft pop guy from the early 80s, had a hit with "It Might Be You" from "Tootsie"), he dated Karen Allen, who we know as the love interest from the first and fourth Indiana Jones movies. They had a bad breakup, and Bishop wrote this song after actually calling her from his hotel room--which is in the song. Ouch.

(19) "I'll Never Get Over You (getting over me)" by Expose
"...I try to smile so the hurt won’t show… tell everybody I was glad to see you go…"

Talk about someone who can’t let go! Here’s a chick who is just watching her man go about and have a good time, she has watched him not only move on, but also forget about her. From 1992, its Expose’s last hit on the charts.

By the way, Expose falls under that Pat Benetar category of "Artists that you never realized had so many songs that you like"... I mean, Expose was a pretty big deal in the late, late 80s and early 90s... "Point of No Return" and "When I Looked at Him" and of course, their biggest hit of all, "Seasons Change", which is an awesome song.  

(18) "Can't Let Go" by Mariah Carey
"...you even realize the sorrow I have inside, every day of my life? Do you know they way it feels when all you have just died? I try and try to deny the way that I feel but still you remain on my mind…"

From the 1991 album “Emotions”, here’s Mariah Carey’s ode to losing someone… not just losing someone, nay nay! Losing someone and not being able to move forward! Losing them and watching them be with someone else! Now this song was Mariah’s 6th single ever, but the first to not make it to #1, as it stalled at #2. The song that kept it from #1? All for Love by Color Me Badd.

(17) "I Can't Stay Away from You" by Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sounds Machine
"...and I don’t wanna be your second choice, don’t wanna be just your friend… you keep telling me that you’re not in love, you wanna throw it all away…"

From 1988, the album Let It Loose, its Gloria Estefan AND the Miami Sound Machine. This one is heartbreaking because not only does she lose her boo… not only is he moving on… not only can she not move on… but she can’t stay away from him. She can’t stop thinking about him. She wants him to call her up and say “I need you too”. Its just so… so painful.

Is there a better band name that "The Miami Sound Machine"? That's an awesome name. I think if the Miami Dolphins ever had a good defense, they could call it "The Miami Pound Machine". Wait... that sounds wrong. Never mind.

(16) "Nothing Broken But My Heart" by Celine Dion
"If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm fine. All I needed was a little time.... so if you think I still need you, baby, I really don't know why... but if you see me, nothing's broken... nothing's broken but my heart."

Here's my absolute favorite song by Celine Dion… from her self titled album released in 1992, it’s a tune about a bad breakup. She herself has moved on, just like her man. She’s gotten herself together, she’s started a new life and all that rot. But still… she finds herself reflecting and says, “you know, you might think my world has ended, but really… nothing is wrong. Except for the fact I have a broken heart.” And there it is.

Dig the Vh1 logo in the corner. Old school.

(15) "No One Is to Blame" by Howard Jones
"You can see the summit, but you can't reach it. The last piece of the puzzle, but you just can't make it fit... doctor says your cured, but you still feel the pain, aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain..."

Its all about being attracted to someone you just can't be with. The entire song is filled with contradictions--you can be the fastest runner, but you aren't allowed to win. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. And you want her, and she wants you... but it just ain't happening. And guess what? No one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.

Howard Jones got the idea for this song in 1985 on a trip to San Francisco, when a friend asked him about the women in San Fran. When Jones said he found them great, the friend said, "Well, you can look at the menu, but you don't have to eat." And it was a song after that.

(14) "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
Oh Whitney. Oh, dear, sweet Whitney. I'm not ready to discuss this yet--I truly do feel, no joke intended, that a piece of my music loving soul passed.

Moving on.

(13) "There's a Light In Your Eyes" by The Blessid Union of Souls
"It's been a while since I've seen you, how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send?"

To me, a quite simplistic, yet painful line. Its about a guy who is fondly remember his woman, the one who left. Perhaps she left because he was a jerkweed, perhaps she left because she knew she herself was a jerkweedette, or perhaps its over because... well, sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes relationships just don't happen. "I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude... sometimes the distance is more than two people can use..." And the dude singing has this great melodic voice that just fits perfectly. Perfectly painful. There's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me?

(12) "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Its not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away."

Such a simple song. Maybe two verse, an undefined chorus and 25 uses of the words "I know". Yet, Bill Withers in his soulful smoothness sings the pain of the heart, the missing of the woman he loves. Because when she's gone, its dark everywhere, especially in the heart. One of my 25 favorite songs of all time.

(11) "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall
"...I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But its so hard to let you go now, and all that could have been. I'll always have the memories, she'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing when you don't want it to."

From the soundtrack of a pretty good movie, that being "My Best Friend's Wedding", this is a little known artist named Amanda Marshall... like many artists, big in Canada, not well known here. Its all about the fun of watching your best friend, the one you are in love with, the love of your life, not only love, but end up with someone else. I only know of one other song by Amanda Marshall, that being "Birmingham", but this one is the one to remember.

Next... The Police, sort of.  Gloria returns.  A Broadway staple.  A reverend.  The Top Ten Saddest Songs Ever.

Group Idol... Hollywood Week Part 2

So, we see dejected, rejected, objected, deflected, subjected, detected, froblected and saddened Idols leaving. Over a hundred made the flight to LA, only to sing less than 45 seconds and be told "no".  Or as J-Lo says, "I'm sorry baby, but no."

But for those who have made it, now comes the first part of the entire audition process where its not entirely on you.  I've seen great Idol after great Idol audition, get into a sucky group and be held accountable for their lame partners, then get cut.  Or in Baylie Brown's case, be as good as the other two, then forget your own words, and watch the snobby, uppity prisness get rewarded with another day, while you go home.

Thus... my favorite part of Idol so far.

THIS IS


GROUP WEEK

But let's remember how we left the previous show... Symone Brown fell off the freakin' stage.  Like, took a step forward where there was nothing to plant her feet upon and gravity took over.

While Creepy Uncle Steven, J-Lo and Randy the Dawg look on, Seacrusty comes out for a look-see, and the other 9 left onstage say a quick prayer together.  She is finally helped up, Symone and Daddy head to the hospital, seemingly okay though.

But, as Seacrusty reminds us, the Show Must Go On!  Lauren Mink is in this group, as is Jeremy "Dirty" Rosado with the weird yellow tongue, and Ethan Jones, who I do remember liking a bit.  And who makes it?  Symone Black makes it!  And the show gets a little more Dirty, but Ethan and Lauren go home.

So, to the group round we go, with 185 Idolees now.  And here comes the drama, because by the end of the next night, about 90 of them will be cut.  Remember last year?  Deep Voiced Scotty wandered around, singing "Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low..." about 35 times before finding a group that wanted him... then he got a little teary eyed, when the group that he was in was extremely mean to another contestant...

...the words "to another contestant" were written on Thursday evening about 915p, right before I got a call to go to my in-laws home to deliver some medicine for Campbell, who was staying there overnight since The Lovely Steph Leann was out of town... and Friday came and went, as did Saturday, with little sleep, lots of work, a visiting Aunt Becky, a dinner with some guys and, of course, the death of Whitney Houston.  Now its Sunday afternoon, and we finally get back to the show, this time with The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch...

And so we begin, with the Idols filing into the theater for further instructions.  The Idol producers come in and tell them they have to get together of 4 or 5, a mixture of Day One and Day Two contestants which is hard, because naturally, people already bonded with others from the same day... and of course, some have already formed groups--which is silly, because this is what they did last year.   Wouldn't someone go, "hey, maybe we should be careful about planning too much for this..."?

Amy, the chick who lives in a tent, is sick, but is pushing through.  A couple of Idols get on the stage and shout out who they are, what they want and call out for people.

We see a series of people getting together, rejecting each other, begging for groups and even some groups that are formed and have begun practicing.

And a chick named Brielle, who as in Peepee Tuscany's group doing one of the best of the round, "Grenade", is back and is taking charge of her group, but a dude named Kyle is "supervising" and making sure its going smooth... and Brielle's Mom isn't happy about this.

And the Falling Symone Black has returned... and now has to find a group.  She finally hooks up with a group, and then we flash over to Woodsy Amy, who not only is sick, but apparently has been infecting other people... including a chick named Gabby, who has a throw-up bag in front of her while she practices.

Another dude group has the typical guy who says, "I'm the only one who knows what is going on, I HAVE musical theory training...", which the other guys aren't taking too well.

A dude, the only one in an all girl group, has walked away sick, catching the Idol Bug of Puking.  He returns to many hugs and cheers, though the chicks are very stressed.  The dude, Christian, still can barely stand.

As the night progresses into the wee hours of the morning, we see some groups who feel comfortable with what they can do and are headed for some rest... but for other groups, they are still practicing, continuing to work... and some groups argue over whether they should stop and rest or not.

We see a heart warming moment when one chick comes back to the other, saying, "There are so many people still practicing!  I'm not leaving!" and they embrace, and then the two of them go to work.

I love Group Night!

Now, its after 7 in the morning, and the judges arrive.

And who is first?   The Bettys, the group that split up with half going to bed and half practicing.  And as the song starts, the show ends...

Next week, we see even more collapsing on stage!  More fainting!  Solo performances!

I love Group Night!!

A Fallen Idol... Hollywood Week Part 1

Okay, let's be real here... I frikkin' love me some Hollywood Week on American Idol.  I love watching the potential divas flame out, I love watching the dynamic between the individuals and groups, and especially love watching the Idols who piddle around, maybe even go to sleep instead of practice, get shot down when they blow their Hollywood Auditions.

More tears will be shed, more lives will be changed, more stakes will be raised, more drama will be unstoppable, more passion will be unbelievable, more talent will be... well, talented out.

THIS IS HOLLLLLLLYYYWOOOODDD WWWEEEEEEKKKK, yo.

So this year, 309 are headed to Southern California... yes, I wrote that right, its THREE HUNDRED AND NINE Idolites, or as Seacrusty tells us, "the nation's elite".  Or something.

Now, its hard to discuss this first part of Hollywood Week, really, so I'll try and hit the highlights.  We see our judges, Randy the Dawg, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler and J to the Lo  from the Block grace the stage for a goofy pep talk.

Contestants come out in groups of 10 and sing a song of their choosing, and the judges will give no reaction or feedback.  Then, they immediately look at the group of 10, discuss each one right there, then give them the "you are through" or the "you are done"... or as J-Lo would say, "not this year, baby".

And I'll be honest with ya, I remember these faces, but I don't remember alot of these names--unless I can see them on the graphic.

Johnny Keyser is doing "Dreamin'" by Amos Lee, who I really like.  And during the song, despite the no-feedback rule, we see the judges smiling and nodding and such.  Up next is Heejun Han, who admits that the guy before him--Johnny--is a good looking dude, and he wonders himself, "Why am I even here?  Everyone here is so tall and pretty... I have to figure out how to overcome the beauty!"  Well said, sir.

Heejun does some music by The Bolt, singing "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You", garnering some judges smiles and even some Woos! and Hoos! from the audience.  It is kinda funny, though, you can pick up on his Asian accent slightly as he sings.  Good thing he didn't try Shawn Mullin's "Lullaby".  That one was for you, Hurricane Rhett!

Johnny and Heejun are the only ones in this group featured, so our cameras focus on them.  Johnny and Heejun and some chick named Gabby make it through... the 7 behind them, the 7 that we will never ever see or hear from again, are sent home.

Elise Testosterone is shown, as is Baylie Brown... she made it this far already, it was the group round that killed her.  Hallie Day is shown again, doing "You Make Me Feel (like a natural woman)", and doing it well.  And the entire group of 10 gets sent through to the next round.

Seacrusty hows us some contestants backstage, discussing sweaty palms and shaky nerves and twitchy fidgets and such.  Jen Hirsh is up, singing some obscure (and its obscure to me because I've never heard of it) some by Patti Griffin, called "Up to the Mountain".  She belts it out strong, but then hits some crazy notes that make Randy the Dawg wince.

Her line performs, including Lauren Grey from St. Louis, who keeps singing, even though Randy the Dawg is waving for her to stop.  Jen Hirsch and Lauren Grey made it.

And someone named Heather just butchered "Crazy on You" by Heart--my favorite Heart song, by the way--and we hear other tunes being slaughtered, including the usual pleading of "can I sing a little more?  please?  I started off bad, but can I start again...?"

Phil Phillips is back!  Sounds like a disc jockey name.  I used my real name when I was on the air, which is a rarity for many DJs, but it didn't matter, because no one believed it was my real name.  "Your name is d$?  No way.  You are lying!"  Phillip Phillips is doing "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag", while Reed Grimm is scatting "I've Got a Golden Ticket" from the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory... which, by the way, was great when I was a kid, but now is a little creepy and strange and makes me feel like I should have used some acid before watching it.

Travis Orlando is back after being cut last year, as we get a BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!!!   Truthfully, I kinda like this guy.  He does need to find a job, though.  Phillip Phillips and Reed Grimm get the okay, while Travis Orlando gets the "I'm sorry baby, not this year" from J to the Lo.  Tearfully, he tells us that he goes back to "nothing", which is kinda sad...

Romerio Garcia goes home. So does mechanic Wolf Hamlin.  Jenny Schick also is sent packing.  Sixty-eight go home at Day One's close.  And who cares how their names are spelled?  They are gone.

At Day Two, the judges arrive, ready and raring.  Inside the "holding room", everyone is freaking out.  Adam Brock, who we have not seen in one single frame up until now, admits that he's been told, "There is a large black woman trapped inside of me."  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  He is sad that he will be away from his daughter for a few days for the first time.  Really?  I mean, The Lovely Steph Leann is out of town for three days and she's fine.  Seriously.

The Unseen Adam Brock is soul'ing up "Walking in Memphis" quite nicely.  One of my favorite songs.  And here comes Lil' Jim Carrey, that being Jane Carrey!  She's doing a chick rendition of CCR's "Looking Out My Backdoor".  Not sure this is legal, according to the laws of Rock n Roll--you know, the same laws that include "You Must Play ALL Verses of 'Lyin Eyes' and 'American Pie' or risk stiff FCC fines up to and/or including suspension of your radio license."

Adam Brock makes in, while Jane Carrey, doing a Scooter Girl'esque flash in the pan, goes home, as does a big Samoan looking sum'gun in the corner.

We see a montage of those accepting defeat and walking away with dignity, and more begging and pleading for one more shot... because THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!

So, 17 year old David Leathers, Jr, is a short little guy... kinda reminds me of the lead kid in Another Bad Creation.  And when he talks, they've added subtitles.  Is it a good thing when you speak English, yet you need subtitles?   Oh, here's Shannon Magrane, who Creepy Uncle Steven earned the "Creepy" title by opening calling her "hot and happening"... in front of Daddy Magrane.  Yowzers.  She is taking on a hard song, "Fallen", while Little David Jr is singing Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me".  I can't wait to hear The Lovely Steph Leann's take on his performance.

And following Little David Jr is Jessica Phillips, who's boo had the stroke--BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!  Seriously, though, I really liked her and liked her story, and hope she does well.  She sings "All the Man That I Need"...



Oh, I do love me some Pre-Crack Whitney.  No stinkin' joke.  He fills me up!  He gives me love!  More love than I've evaaaa seeen!  He's all I gots!  He's all I gots in this world!  But he's all the man... all the man that I neeeeeed!!!  Dig it.

So, out of that group, Little David Jr, Shannon Magrane and Jessica all make it to the next round.   More auditions including Erika Van Pelt, the DJ chick, and New Yorker Creighton Fraker.  And here's Aaron Marcellus, the music teacher from Atlanta.  Okay, who doesn't think "Marcellis Wallace" from "Pulp Fiction" when they hear the name Marcellis?  All these sail on to the next round.

Savannah auditioner Lauren Mink is the chick who works with adults with disabilities, and she breaks out more Heart with "Alone".  After Carrie Underwood did this, it should be retired from rotation.  Jeremy Rosado, being nicknamed "Dirty" by Randy the Dawg, works as a front desk clerk at a Infection Disease Clinic.  Wait, what?  It gives me pause knowing that, because for whatever reason, his tongue is yellow.

And here's Symone Black, 16, trying out "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay".  This song makes me think of the old Root Beer commercial for Hines (or is it Hires?)... sitting on the dock of the bay, drinking Hines.  And then...

...SHE FALLS OFF THE STAGE!!!

Someone yells "get the medic!!!!"

What the... I mean... what?  

Shouldn't she have sung "Fallen"?

(was totally watching the next episode and was going to blog it and post it tonight altogether, when I get a call from one mother in law, Mama Ruthless... with The Lovely Steph Leann out of town and me getting up at 355am for work, Campbell is staying with the grandparents... however, they are missing some medicine.  So I'm out the door, headed to deliver some medicine, and will recap Group Week tomorrow. I know you can't wait...)

The Super Blog XLVI

So here we are, blogging live from the Nipp Home, upstairs from the official The Deucecast Studios. I didn't do one last year, as I was headed back from Disney World on Super Bowl Sunday... Likewise two years ago... But, thanks to a budget we are on, plus a little to do with Campbell, we have no Disney Trip planned.

This exchange actually happened a few days ago:
The Lovely Steph Leann: Just think... we would be headed down to Disney World at this time in a normal year. But now we have Campbell.
Me: (silence)

We jump into the first quarter, 9 minutes left, no score. One set of commercials, a stylish but boring Bud Platinum ad, then a deceptively funny Audi ad with vampires.

542p... Intentional grounding, resulting in Giants scoring a safety, and we now a mildly amusing Pepsi ad with Elton John, then a forgettable Hyundai ad.

549p... NYGiants driving... Eli looking good so far. Could he be the better Manning? Is it possible?

550p... Pats strip the ball! But wait... Pats have 12 men on the field?! Belichek?! What the...?

552p... NYG in the end zone! Another Bud Platinum ad? Bud shouldn't be allowed to do commercials unless they are funny. And an M&M ad with... Candy nudity? Yeah!

555p... More commercials. Polar bears means Coke. A Chevy means you'll survive the end of the world in 2012.

559p... This exchange...
Mikey: Did the Pats deactivate Ochocinco?
Me: doesn't matter. If they win, you'll see his ring pop up on Pawn Stars in 3 years.

602p... Bridgestone Tires... GoDaddy... And a Lexus ad. And the trailer for "Battleship"... Liam Neeson stars. The aliens steal his daughter for sale into sex trafficking and he doesn't know who he is. And the ships are grey. Does that about sum it up? Yup.

606p... And those hoping for a shutout here are disappointed. NYG leads 9-3.

606p... The Bud Clydesdales make their annual appearance. Doritos. Chevy Camero. And we are back!

608p... Back to the game for about 2 minutes... And more ads. GE.

Me: is anyone actually going to buy a GE turbine?
Mike: my dad might.

609p... The trailer for John Carter. I eh. Now an ad for TaxAct, involving pee.

613p... The ad for "The Lorax"... A VW ad with a hilarious working-out dog, plus a Star Wars twist.

631p... Sorry, took a break to eat... More ads... The new Chevy Sonic, which makes me want some tater tots. And a trailer for the 3D re-release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

634p... Looks like the Pats are finally getting something going.

635p... THE AVENGERS!!!!!

636p... Teleflora.com... Skechers, with a shoe wearing dog... Xbox Kinect... Cars.com...

643p... Doritos. E-Trade Baby. And my mancrush, The Rock, in the new GI Joe... Rock on, The Rock.

645p... 18 seconds left, and the Pars are in range, in the Red Zone.

647p... Touchdown!!! Brady to Woodhead! PAT for the Pats coming up.

650p... Halftime. It's NYG leading the NE Pats 10-9. Now? Commercials for the NFL... A local ad for Schaeffer Eye Center... Arby's... And Shunnarah law Firm.

701p... I feel like there are some people who should just retire. Brett Favre. Michael Jordan. Harrison Ford. People who are past prime and sticking around longer might destroy their legacy of greatness they have left.

702p... And for our halftime show, Madonna!!

708p... So, MIA and Nikki Minaj are joining Madonna and... NBC13 just goofed up as we go to a local blue screen...

711p... And we hear her new song, then classic "Open Your Heart", followed by "Like a Prayer", along with CeeLo Green.

719p... Clint Eastwood narrated a commercial that makes me want to go out and punch an Arab in the throat. Or a Democrat. USA! USA!!

723p... And the 2nd half begins with the Pats starting on offense... And Ochocinco is in the game and gets a catch!

728p... Touchdown Patriots! And the game is on! NE 17, NYG 9

729p... Tomorrow... Smash starring Debra Messing and Kat McPhee. I'm so in.

731p... A poorly filmed Yellawood ad making the Super Bowl? Wow. Down year for the ads.

731p... A shot of Brady leads Tommy McL to ask, "Is he wearing a power glove? I can never tell..."

735p... Random thought. The LA Raiders won about 17,097,233 championships according to Tecmo Bowl--Bo Jackson was the most unstoppable player in video game history.

738p... The NYGiants get 3.

739p... A terrible Fiat commercial... And a Pepsi Max ad.

741p... Me: not to often do you see a black dude named "Chung"
Mikey: I was waiting for someone to say that.

745p... Acura with a winner featuring Seinfeld, The Soup Nazi and Jay Leno.

747... And down goes Brady! Down goes Brady!

748p... Budweiser... Another Bridgestone ad... More The Voice... And back to see a big hit on Tom Brady...

754p... The Giants are at the 10... Eli is sacked... The NYG have to settle for a field goal... Score now? The Pats 17, The Giants 15

756p... What?! These two teams played in the Super Bowl a few years ago? The Giants won, ruining the Patriots attempt at a perfect season? I haven't heard any of this! Why havent
the networks discussed this at length?!

807p... And the Matthew Broderick takeoff on Ferris airs... And it's funny... But even better? A Met Life ad that brings out the Peanuts cast, leading old school cartoon characters like Voltron, He-Man, Sherman & Peabody, Richie Rich and so many more. Met Life for the win.

815p... Mikey says, "I guess I didn't realize how good Eli was...", leading to a quick conversation about how good Eli is or isn't...

818p... After two bumbling plays by the Giants, resulting in terrible yard losses, the Pats get away with a interference. They flash to NYG coach Tom Coughlin, who I think dropped a bad word.

821p... A rather amusing Kia commercial, but amusing mostly because of an inside joke that we were sharing here, laughing at someone else's expense. We are horrible people.

825p... Samsung Galaxy phone, featuring The Darkness... And another The Voice promo...

829p... It's late 4Q, and Brady is driving for the knock out punch... Looks like a fourth title for the Pats... Barring a collapse...

831p... Which might happen... The Pats drop a few key catches... And here comes Eli.

835p... A fantastic catch by the Giants draws a challenge by Belichek, but there's no way this gets reversed. It was a legit, great catch.

840p... Lucius Malfoy has a new show coming up!

841p... A buck-thirty left, NYG at the 7

844p... NYG's Bradshaw gets to the 1, and in a huge "suck it, pats", he falls backwards into the end zone... A TD they didn't want, because now Brady has 50 seconds. NYG 21, NE 17

849p... The Pats are in a 4th and 10... Two dropped passes and a sack puts them dead to rights... And he tosses one up the field for a first!!

851p... 9 seconds left!

853p... HAIL MARY dropped. The New York Football Giants defeat the Patriotic New Englanders 21-17. Eli 2, Peyton 0. Oh, Brady, still 3.

Arches, Portlandia and Backstories Aplenty (an idol recap)

It's Portland, Oregon.  So says the caption.  And as the video begins of people packing, The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up and says, "I think... I think that caption said AUDTION day..."  I looked around, rewound it back, and instead of "AUDITION"... its "AUDTION".  She remarks, "Who is in charge of that?!"

We see the Idolites on the road, walking in the civic center, and the dorky guy giving a thumbs up... he's wearing a Coke shirt, which I am sure was planned for a shot at TV time.  Well played, dork man, well played.

THIS IS 


AMERICAN


IDOL

Notably, this is the area my buddy Mikey, co-host of The Deucecast, hails from.  He's a diehard U of O Ducky fan through and through.

The thousands and thousands of people line the stadium seats, screaming.  All wanting their shot.  They all want this so badly.  They have been wanting this all their lives.  This means so much to all of them.

Our first Idolite of the night is Brittany Zika, who tells us in her BACKSTORY ALERT video that she is a huge Sara Bareilles fan--so am I, so that's cool. However, she sings "The Story" by Brandi Carlile, and actually sounds alot like Brandi Carlile.  She takes off her dorky glasses and dorky hat, and has a Rachel Leigh Cook in "She's All That" moment, where cute girl becomes cuter girl merely by discarding accessories.  All three YES votes send her to Hollywood.

A comical video shows a dude that burps while clearing his throat (causing The Lovely Steph Leann to wince), blowing his nose, picking his nose, bumping his chest and hocking a loogie.  His name is Ben, and he's from Philadelphia... and he's come across the country to come to Portland.  And they are setting this guy up to be horrible... the fact that he says "I'm singing "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga tells me that this is going to be bad... and I am right.  An attempt at another song has this scrawny white guy busting out some Nicki Minaj junk... and its not so good.

"I get the feeling its a NO," Ben says.  And he would be right.  He blames the fact his throat hurts and that he's stuffy and sick.  Wow.  Its nice to have a full, terrible audition.

So, we get back from commercial and its already afternoon.  Two auditions, and its after lunch.

Jermaine Jones... BACKSTORY ALERT!!!.. is up next, and I have a feeling that this is going to be a pretty good audition.  Jermaine says, in the video, "I'm a mama's boy!" as he hugs his mama.  The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Aren't all black men 'mama's boys?'"

Big Jermaine is 6'8 and a half tall.  That's my best mate Wookiee size!  Jermaine is singing "Superstar" by Luther Vandross, or at least Luther's version, as its a Carpenter's song.  Randy the Dawg is all about it, as is Creepy Uncle Stevie.  J-Lo is smiling big... all three toss out a YES vote for Big Jermaine, though they do tell him to loosen his nerves a bit.

That's Day One in Portland, Oregon, with two of three auditioners making it to Hollywood.  I'm sure their were more, but we haven't seen them.   Day Two begins with J-Lo coming in and asking for a pair of black tights from a production assistant.  Diva.

BACKSTORY ALERT!!  This blonde chick with two kids shows up with a big group, all wearing "I (heart) Britnee" shirts.  So, Britnee Kellogg, 27, is here to sing for her two beautiful boys... she was married to a basketball player, and she gave up her singing dreams for his b'ball dreams, but when he ended up chasing other women, she chased her own dream.  Idol.   She's singing, "You're No Good", ironically.   Love it.

This chick is singing with full passion, with a big "suck it" to her ex.  Three YES votes and the family comes parading in.  J-Lo tells her to take her kids with her if she makes it, because "you never leave your family!"

And now, 21 year old Sam Gershman, who is one of those annoying, dance around, look stupid and act stupid all the time kind of chicks.  She is singing "I'm a Woman" by Helen Reddy.  I'm wincing, though I'm afraid she might be good enough to pass through.  Creepy Uncle Stevie says its a little too Broadway... J-Lo is agreeing.  Randy the Dawg says NO, and both the other judges nod in agreement.  Thank you!

NERD ALERT!!  David Weed comes strolling in, vest, square glasses and goofy curly hair, complete with spots of acne and self-deprecating humor.  He's going to sing "Tom Sawyer" by Rush, which is a little surprising that he wold even know who Rush is.  As all the blood Rushes to his head, turning his face beet red, he fails miserable.

You know this is bad when Randy the Dawg says, "Got anything else you like to do beside sing?" and when he says, "Stand up comedy...?" he shares a horrible joke that The Lovely Steph Leann laughs at.   In his post-audition interview, he says, "For 22 years, people told me I've got an incredible voice, but those three hated it..."

The next contestant is Romeo Diahn... BACKSTORY ALERT!!!... from the country of Liberia.  We hear of his escape from Liberia's civil war and his coming to America.  And now, he's living the dream... by going after American Idol.  I would expect that attendance for Liberian Idol is a bit low, as is the voting participation.

He's singing Bob Marley, I believe, and though he sounds alot like Bob Marley, I can't tell you I like it, because I don't like Bob Marley.  At.  All.  I hate reggae music.  Hate it.  And that was this.  Good voice, bad song.   Creepy Uncle Stevie and Randy the Dawg say YES, and J-Lo says YES, though reluctantly... more of a yes.

Naomi Gillies, 22, is asking Creepy Uncle Stevie to sing one of his songs, that being "Crazy".  Of course he says yes, and she starts... a little low, an alto voice to be sure, but seems to really have the hang of the song.  Three YES votes, including a "That's how you do it!" from Randy the Dawg.

And here is the bad voice montage, seeing NO votes over and over, and broken dreams and slumped shoulders and teary eyes.  And some middle fingers and even a camera push by a few upset Idol failures.  Seacrusty says, "This is too depressing... let's see if this next contestant can lift our spirits"... and this is going to be bad, as we go back to Geek Boy from the beginning of the episode, with the Coke shirt on.

Sometimes I get the feeling that when Seacrusty talks to certain people, he wants to just punch them in the face.  Like this guy, Ben Harrison.  His face is pink, he has a baby-face look, and his hair is all bushy and weird.  And he's singing "Somebody to Love" by Queen... and Campbell doesn't like it, as he starts to whimper.

Next shot is Ben walking out of the room to his family with no Golden Ticket in his hand.

The Last Audition of the Day... which gives us a BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  Idolite after Idolite comes out of the audition room with a NO vote.  But for Jessica Phillips, from Brooklyn, NY, this is more than just a dream.  Its an attempt at a better life.  Jessica's boo, D'Angelo, had a stroke last year, and she's been his caretaker since then, helping him walk and helping him learn to speak again and such.  In broken words, D'Angelo struggles on camera to say, "Honestly... I would be... no... no where... with not her..."  Wow.

I really want her to be good.  Don't do this to us, Idol.

"Again" by Faith Evans is her song of choice, as Jessica compose herself to jump right in... and sounds great.  Of course, this is remeniscent of last year's Chris Medina, dating his girl who was in an accident, and how he's taken care of her.  Jessica gets three YES votes--duuuuh!!!!--and comes out to D'Angelo who says, "I.... love you..."

45 Golden Tickets were handed out for Hollywood this week, making what, 988 so far?  Lots of Golden Tickets.

And now... on to Thursday's episode... and St. Louis!

Let's take you back to 2004, to Oklahoma.  There's a chick named Carrie, living in a country house, talking with a country accent, wondering about that American Idol contest coming up and how she might do.  Eight years later, a few things have changed.  From milking cows to winning Entertainer of the Year at the CMAs, Carrie Underwood is a true (last) Idol success story.

The cameras follow her to St. Louis, where she auditioned.  Jesus, take the wheel.   So, now we come back to The Arch City...

THIS IS ALSO

AMERICAN

IDOL

There is a crowd of 10,000, hoping to live the dream and become the next superstar, or at least, the next act signed to Jive Records with hopes of making a tolerable song.

Randy the Dawg, J-Lo and Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler sign autographs, take pics and kiss babies... and then take their Thrones of Audio Judgement.

BACKSTORY ALERT!!  Here's a dude named Johnny Keyser, who is all about his dad, who is all about his son Johnny.  JK is doing "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke, one of those songs that, if you are going to sing it, you gotta bringz it.  Its too powerful of a song to screw it up.  Johnny stops singing, and J-Lo says, "Keep singing!"  Truthfully, he does sound really good.  Really, really good.

This would be the kind of guy that Paula Abdul would be slipping her room key to.  Three YES votes and he is on his way!

And here's a montage of Hall of Shame Auditions--Statue of Liberty guy, Apple Girl, Falsetto Bearded Man and of course, William Hung.  As an homage to "The Artist", Idol does a "silent film" musical minute, letting us see judges reactions to terrible voices, without having us hear the terrible voices.  Um... thank you?

Rachelle Lamb, from Missouri is 27.. and... you know what this means?  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  She's going through a divorce, and its a story like Britnee Kellogg from the above recap.  Rachelle is doing this for her daughter, she tells us.

And for added effect, Rachelle brings her daughter Madison into the audition room.  She tells us of her ex and its not a good ending.  She's going to sing "Find Somebody New" by Faith Hill, and immediately, I'm digging her voice.  Dedicated to her ex, Rachelle sounds awesome.

Creepy Uncle Steven thinks she's great.  J-Lo loves the passion.  Randy the Dawg loves the pure tone... which results in three YES votes!

The Lovely Steph Leann remarks, "I find it very interesting that we are seeing a lot of women who's former men have held them back... maybe a correlation between J-Lo and Marc Anthony, since they split up...?"  I concur.

Here's a bad voice, though!  Some dude named Oliver--last name unimportant because he ain't cutting it--is butchering Seal so bad that Heidi Klum is probably cracking up.  And we're seeing some terrible ones here... "Rolling in the Deep" is rolling in the crap with this guy.  And Fat Elvis is killing off "The Thunder Rolls".  Poor Garth.

Riee Kloeckner was bullied in high school.  TEARJERKING BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  From a small school, he was transferred to a big school, and was bullied by the bigger kids.  But, he joined the choir,  and all is well.  I'm waiting for the words "...and I came out of the closet..."

He's singing "Lean on Me", and it sounds pretty good.  He might be a gayer, thinner version of Chunky Beiber from last season.  The Lovely Steph Leann says he sounds like Jason Mraz... and three YES votes sends Gay Beiber on to Cali!

Creepy Uncle Steven is out in the audience, giving the next dude up some encouragement.  Ethan Jones, 22, has himself a bleeding forehead, accidentally scratching himself in the waiting room.  His dad was a rock band guy too, and spent alot of time in rehab for substance abuse.  Oh, wait, I forgot to warn you... BACKSTORY ALERT!!  Anyway, Ethan supports his dad, and is singing Edwin McCain's "I'll Be".   And thankfully, after that hard story, Ethan is good.  He's sporting a red, sunburned neck.  Not that that means anything, but I thought I'd mention it.

Truly, now that I'm not hearing "I'll Be" every five minutes on the radio, I can say that I dig that song quite a bit.  Edwin McCain has a great voice.

And we kick off Day Two with a montage of our varied contestants... and now, we got a guy who actually works at the hotel where the auditions are being held.  Apparently, he just decided to audition like, now.  Dressed in his serving gear, he's ready!  And he's flanked by a bunch of others that work here...

Mark Ingram, 28, is singing Stevie Wonder's "Overjoyed", and starts strong, but hits a tough voice crack in the middle... and another.  The staff flanking him loved the song.  The judges however... not so much.  So when Mark Ingram starts singing again, it gets worse.  J-Lo even says, "I wanna say yes to you so bad... but I just can't."  And he sings another song, and it gets even worse.  Stop singing, Mark Ingram!  Go back to running the ball for the Saints!   Three NO votes, deservedly.

And our last audition of the day belongs to Lauren Grey, 22, complete with her own BACKSTORY ALERT!!  She has a famous family in her small town of Hardy, Arkansas--they own a one-stop wedding shop, with a grungy old dad who sets up weddings by day and sings in a band at night.  Her dad looks like an old, less boozy Eddie Van Halen.

She's doing some Adele, and nails it!  Booming voice, strong tone, and all the judges, The Lovely Steph Leann and myself--even Campbell--can dig it.  

Randy the Dawg's shirt looks like an Astro-Pop.  Just sayin'.

Anyway, Lauren Grey gets not three, but six YES votes.   Three of them, and three here at The Cabana...  good job.

So, that's St. Louis.  A total of 46 Golden Tickets were given out here, and that makes the grand total now around 250 or so.

Next week... its perhaps my favorite, if not a tie for first on my list... its Hollywood Week.  Where dreams are puffed up in auditions to be deflated and crushes in Round 2.  We even get the patented, "Give me one more chance, and I'll show you!!" said by someone who more than likely just got cut.

NEXT WEEK!!  Hollywood awaits.

Time, Love and Tenderness: The Michael Bolton List

I started to talk about my fandom of early Michael Bolton last week, but decided it was too much to squeeze into a two paragraph sidebar amongst an Idol recap... so, here is my "Mike Bolton Post" as promised... Did you know that The Bolt released a total of FIVE albums, starting in 1975 with his self titled debut "Michael Bolotin" (his real name), before hitting it big with his 6th release, "Soul Provider"?  My man has been around awhile... and you might think this entire post is in jest, is making fun... and you might be right, partly.  But honestly?  I dig Bolton, ever since I remember him really hitting it big in the late 80s.  I'm old enough to admit it without shame.  So, I nod my head to The Bolt and say, "Good job".

So here we go... my own personal Bolton Top Ten...

Honorable Mention... 

"Don't Make Me Wait for Love"... I couldn't officially list this as one of my favorite Bolton tunes, because technically, its a Kenny G song.  Kenny G did this with a dude named Lenny Williams on his 1987 album "Duotones", but recorded another version of it with Michael Bolton for Kenny G's live album, appropriately titled "Kenny G Live!", in 1989.  Personally, I like the Lenny Williams version better, if only because the video is so frakkin' ridiculous (and never shows Lenny at all, its just Kenny G running around looking all curly headed, macking on all his chicks).  

When Kenny G plays his sax on the porch, the Unintentional Comedy 
Scale blows through the roof.

10) "When a Man Loves a Woman"... For my money, there's nothing better than when Michael Bolton sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."  I celebrate his entire catalogue.  

Do you own this album?  No?  You should.

9) "When I'm Back on My Feet Again"... Sometimes we all need a little inspiration, and Track #7 on "Soul Provider" provides just that.  It's not necessarily a song about love, though it could be.  Its about a tragedy, one that knocks you down, one that puts your butt on the floor, one that rocks your world, nay, turns it upside down, inside out and back over again.  And this song centers on how you deal with that tragedy... a promise of, "One day..."   As in, one day, I'm going to break these chains around me.  One day, I'm going to learn how to fly again.  One day, these tears will all be dry. Soon these eyes will see the sun--might take time, but I'll see it.  You know, when I'm back on my feet again.  

Though I'd have to go and dig the box out to confirm, I do believe that this is the only cassette single I own by The Bolt.  Awesome.  

8) "Love is a Wonderful Thing"... Now this tune, from "Time Love and Tenderness", is most notably famous for its lawsuit that followed the release.  When this song hit big in 1991, reaching #4 on the charts, The Isley Brothers had a big problem with it... because, they claimed, that it sounded a lot like their own 60s release, strangely titled "Love is a Wonderful Thing".   In 1994, the courts of this great land declared that yes, Bolton's song had many similarities beyond the title, ruled that Mike B and his team had to pay The Isley Brothers all profits from the song, plus 28% of the entire album's profits.  This ended up being in the neighborhood of $5 million or so, after all was said and done.  And the ironic part was that The Isley Brothers' original song wasn't even that big of a hit, recorded in 1964, but not even released on a single until 1966, where it languished between #125 and #101 on the pop charts.

The verdict was appealed, of course, and ran all the way up to the US Supreme Court where in 2001, it refused to review the case at all, upholding the original verdict.

I always hated that this song had such legal issues... Its fun, its peppy, its easy to sing and its catchy.  Awesome.

7) "That's What Love Is All About"... Such a sweet song, all about a couple who have been through everything and back again, yet they are still together.  They are simply two hearts who have found a way, somehow, to keep the fire burning.  Something they couldn't live without, and if it took forever, they were going to work it out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cause you see, this is what love is all about.

See, finding the good times is easy--but the hard times?  Well, they can tear you apart.  There will be times in your heart when the feeling is gone... what do you do?  Well, you keep on believing.  You keep holding on.  Duh.

I can imagine this song being a popular song at a 50th anniversary vow re commitment celebration.  Awesome.

6) "How Can We Be Lovers"... Truly a question for the ages, featured on "Soul Provider", one asked by men and women of each other, and of themselves, since the dawn of time.  A question that, when asked, hangs in the air, itself asking, NAY, demanding (!) and answer.  A question that truly wants to know how this relationship will not only work, but how it will even begin.

That question is quite simply... "How can we be lovers when we can't be friends?"

Now, if that question doesn't throw you, if that doesn't make you too queasy, then there are follow up questions.... queries like, "How can we start over if the fighting never ends?"  And then, "How can we make love if we can't make amends?"

Then, a flat out command... TELL ME, how can we be lovers if we can't be, can't be friends.  See, going from friends to hookin' up is a common theme in pop music, but The Bolt puts a spin on it... you have two people who have a passion for each other... but can't get along as friends.  Thus the brilliance of this tune.  Awesome.

Michael Bolton's 7th album, and his glorious mullet

5) "Time, Love and Tenderness"... What a code to live by, eh?  When love puts you to the fire, when love puts you to the test, NOTHING heals a broken heart like Time, Love and Tenderness..."  Suffering from a terrible break-up?

According to the Bolt, you need three things.  First, you need Time.  Perhaps time doesn't heal all wounds, but it will make it better.  You need Love.  Maybe to replace the love lost, or just the love of your support group around you.  And finally, you need Tenderness. You need people to treat you with care.  And those people are the ones who you can call friends.  Great song.  Awesome.

4) "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You"... From "Soul Provider", this is originally a song made famous in 1983 by Laura Branigan (but The Bolt was a co-writer on this), this one is just heartbreaking.  I mean, right off the bat, we are talking about a broken relationship... "I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today, I had to come and get it straight from you", meaning that he didn't even find out from the chick, he had to find out second hand, then go to her to confirm it.  Confirm what, you ask?  "Said you were leaving, someone swept your heart away, and from that look upon your face I see its true..."  Not only did he find the info out second hand, he found it out even though SHE WAS LIVING THERE!!!  Great tune, Bolton's raspy voice only adds to the bitter lump of heart pains in this song.

This was the song that truly put him on the map, as it ended up being his biggest hit ever.  It became the first #1 single of the 1990s, staying at the top for 2 weeks, from January 6th through the 13th.  Awesome.

3) "Steel Bars"... Probably one of the best opening beats of any Michael Bolton song, it's a fast paced pop song that tells of a man who loves his woman to the point where she's got "steel bars" wrapped around him... as in, the bonds are so strong, they cannot be broken.   And if you can believe it, this song was co-written by Bob Dylan!

My favorite part... "Every desperate step I take, every desperate move I make, its clear to me... what can all my living mean, time itself is so obscene, time itself don't mean a thing, I'm still loving you!"  Awesome.

2) "Missing You Now"... Baby I just can't wait, til I see your face, takes away this loneliness inside!  When your close to my heart, right here in my arms, then and only then will I be satisfied, I'm missing you now!  But the prime part of this song is the video itself.

Open up with a young Teri Hatcher working as a sales clerk, perhaps at a gas station, giving some guy the change, while she listens to a male voice on the phone that says, "I can't even talk right now, I'm just... just locked in the studio, I'll be working real late.  Can I call you tomorrow?"  She says, "That'd be great.  I can't wait to see you."  

Smashcut to Michael Bolton, leaning over a wall phone in a recording studio, saying, "Just wanted to tell you I miss you."  Teri then replies, "I miss you too. Go to work," she smiles and hangs up.

And now, the song begins... "Talk to you but its not the same... as touching you... every time you whisper my name... I wanna run to you... we'll be together, it won't be long, it won't be long... but it feels like forever... and its hard to be strong..." The video cuts back and forth between The Bolt sitting on a stool, baring his soul into a hanging mic and Teri back at the gas station, looking in the distance and forlorn.  But then, we see flashbacks of how Bolt and Teri met, with his car breaking down, a mechanic looking under the hood, and Bolt looks up to see this ravishing Teri standing in the doorway, staring at him.  

Their romance blossoms, with wine and roses and the camera slowly panning over a window where the curtains are blowing, showing off the cool nighttime sky, and then over a bed where we see The Bolt and Teri giving kisses to each other.  I mean, who knows when they got married... that's why they are there, right? Right.

And outta nowhere, there's Michael Bolton and Kenny G, hanging out on a couch, laughing.  

Awesome.

1) "Soul Provider"... Bay-bee I-I-I-I wanna be... your soul provider... bay-bee I-I-I-I wanna stay that way... for the longest time!  Truly his first real hit of any kind, its the title track of the 1989 album of the same name.  "Soul Provider", the album, reached #3 on the pop charts, went 6 times platinum, and sold... get this... 12.5 MILLION copies worldwide.  And its his sixth album!  

This is truly my favorite Michael Bolton song, just because its a great song really.  Well written, well sung, good lyrics and... well, its Awesome.

BONUS BOLTON... Lest we forget "Forever Isn't Long Enough", an unreleased gem from the "Time Love and Tenderness" album.  See, the gist of the song is he wants her to ask him "How long will you love me?" and is answer is "Forever isn't long enough to give all my love to you...", which means he loves her lots and lots, because the word "forever" means from here to infinity, with no end, yet he says his love for her is actually beyond that, meaning beyond infinity, which is a really, really long time.  See what The Bolt did there?

He attempted to do the same thing with "Said I Loved You... but I Lied", which is really about a guy saying "the word 'love' isn't strong enough to convey my affections for you, my dear," and its just not a great song.  I consider this single the turning point and beginning of the downslide of The Bolt's career.  Don't even get me started on "Can I Touch You... There?"  Yeesh.

ALSO... The song "I Found Someone" is a song made hugely famous in 1987 by Cher, and it essentially resurrected her career.  However, did you know that the song was written by a guy named Mark Mangold, by Laura Branigan (yes, the one mentioned earlier in "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You") and by none other than The Bolt himself.   Branigan, who had hit the charts with "Gloria" and "Self Control", had "Axel F" composer Harold Faltermayer arrange "I Found Someone", but without a video to support it, it only got to #90 on the charts.

Cher picked it up for her 19th studio album, "Cher", in 1987 and with a big budget video that was heavily played on MTV, the song was huge.  Its also my personal favorite Cher song, and would rank somewhere in the 150 to 200 spot on my All Time Favorite Songs list.  Just a great tune.


The guy in this video, her love interest, was, at the time, her real life boyfriend... it made headlines in 1987, as he was 27 years her junior.

Anyway, The Bolt finally recorded his own version of this song and placed it on his 1995 album, "Greatest Hits 1985 - 1995", though after listening to it moments ago, I gotta tell ya... Cher's is better.  Her voice is perfect on it.

So, that's the Michael Bolton round-up for you folks, since you were dying to know.  

Tinker Tailor Snoozer... Sigh

With the addition of a new person in our house, something that we've always done freely--that is, go to the movies--has now entered "premium territory".  Anyone with children will just nod their heads in agreement when I say that with a child, you now much pick and choose what to do when you go out, because those times when you are free to do so are much fewer and far betweener... between.  Yeah, that.

So, when The Lovely Steph Leann had somehow convinced Mama Ruthless, her mom, to keep Campbell, allowing us an afternoon at the movies, we were excited.  Granted, there aren't a ton of movies out there that we are just dying to see, as January is known as a "movie dead zone", but two caught our attention... first was "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy", a smart, dramatic British espionage drama starring a great cast, including Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy and the president of The Colin Firth Club himself, Colin Firth... second, the 9/11 drama "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close", starring Tom Hanks.   We also considered "The Artist", the much ballyhooed Oscar front runner, but decided to wait awhile longer on seeing it.

We both really wanted to see "The Descendants", the other Oscar Best Picture race leader, and had we been able to find it, we would have just gone there.  Alas, it wasn't playing locally yet--it actually doesn't hit wide release until this weekend... just looked.

So after a few texts and discussion back and forth, we decided on "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy".  I was kind of excited, because while I do enjoy stupid movies that don't require much thought process (hence my love of "Black Dog", "Beavis & Butthead Do America" and the Damon Wayan's award winning "Mo' Money"), I enjoy movies that challenge me and require me to connect dots.  "Inception" is a perfect example of a movie that I loved and was pumped to see again, to help me better understand it.

And then, we saw "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy".  Well, I saw it.  The Lovely Steph Leann sort of dozed through some of the slow parts... oh, who am I kidding--the whole movie is a slow part.

Apparently, there are a group of highly ranked officers in British intelligence, but one of them is a mole... that is to say, one of them is giving secrets to the Russkis and its all bad, because we don't know who it is, as one is called the Tinker, and one is called the Tailor and one is known as the Soldier and they are all spies and...

...and who cares.  Seriously.

The positive is that the movie looks good.  The drab color is very stylized and fits the pace of the movie well... there are few laughs, but truly, there doesn't need to be many.  The acting is good, with Gary Oldman even earning a Best Acting nod for the upcoming Academy Awards... perhaps he earned it, as his performance is very serious, very subdued and he looks very cool.

The negative?  Dear goodness this movie was slow.  And plodding.  And a little confusing, but I feel like had I  paid more attention, I would have understood it better... the problem is, I didn't want to pay attention.  With "Inception", it was so good, I was eager to understand it... With "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy", I could care less. If I see it again, or if I don't, whatever.

And when a movie makes me not care--not even hate it, but just not care--it's never a good thing. So, watch the flick with a few shots of espresso and some Red Bulls handy... Otherwise, you might end up with a nap lasting about 137 minutes. Just saying'.

Houston, We Have an Idol

Cue "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum... naturally.

Some 250 miles above the Earth's surface is a space station, and in that space station is an astronaut, and that astronaut is holding a microphone and telling us that he is an astronaut in a space station hovering some 250 miles above the Earth's surface... some 250 miles above Houston, Texas, above the lines of 10,000 people that are waiting to get into their auditions... those auditions that will help us find the next Lee DeWyze Taylor Hicks Ruben Studdard Carrie Underwood.

Seacrusty opens the show surrounded by a whole lotta Idol hopefuls as the music cues and the credits roll.  Let's get it on!

THIS 

IS AMERICAN

IIIIIIIDDDDOOOOLLLLLL

Nine times Idol has come to Texas, including the first set of auditions... where they found a young lady by the name of Kelly Clarkson.

And first, is a dude names Phong Vu, with an odd accent.  On camera, he starts tearing up about the possibility of being the next American Idol, and just being born in America to begin with.  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

He tells the judges he loves to sing female artists like Celina Dion. Yes, Celina.  And his rendition of "Unbreak My Heart" is probably making the wonderful Toni Braxton reach over and smack her sister.  Sista, even.  The Lovely Steph Leann has no blanket this time, nay, she's feeding Campbell... I think she's about to put the bottle down and cover her face with Campbell himself.  Wouldn't blame her.

Of course, its a NO from all judges.  And even after a NO, he does his best Derek Zoolander and busts out some iconic moves and looks, as he calls it.  And he promises us we'll see him next year.  One can only hope.

And in an unusual move, at least for this season, we see several bad auditions in a row, including three really back country dudes.

BACKSTORY ALERT!  Seventeen year old Skylar Laine, who we see doing a little deer hunting and fishing... we know this by the big deer head hanging on her bedroom wall.  She says, "I don't know if too many 17 year old girls hunt..." which means she's never been to South Alabama.  Her family owns a restaurant, which has hit hard times with the local economy.

She's doing "Hell on Heels" by the Pistol Annies, and sounds awesome.  Love this chick so far. Three YES votes and she's on her way to a Lauren Alaina future!

This is the first incarnation of Baylie Brown, before she was screwed over
by Antonella Barba in the Hollywood Round of Season 6

We see a montage of how some of the Idol hopefuls practice, in mirrors, in front of others, on the sidewalk, and so on.  BAYLIE BROWN IS BACK!  Holy crap!  Talk about one of the best ever and did one of the biggest flame-outs in Hollywood week.  That was five years ago?  Wow...

Now, Baylie is 21, and is singing "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi.  The Lovely Steph Leann gives Campbell and lighter, then holds him up and sways him back and forth.  Three YES votes and she's on her way... rock on.  I'm totally rooting for her.

And here comes Kristina Osorio, who, at 28 years old is at the maximum age limit--this is her one shot.  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  We meet her kids, see her small home, and hear her hard story of the divorce she's going through right now.  She's also covered in tats.  That doesn't mean she can't sing... she took out a loan for her divorce lawyer and instead spent that money on a plane ticket to fly to Texas to audition.  Dave Ramsey would throw up.

She's pretty good, though, tats and all.  As she starts to sing, J-Lo looks up and whispers, "Thank God..."  Three YES votes and she's on her way to Hollywood!

Okay, so about 703p, right as it was coming on, we made the decision to watch Idol around 730, so we could skip through commercials via the magic of DVR.  In that time we could also eat dinner, I could get laundry worked on, I could make a bottle for Camp, The Lovely Steph Leann could do some dishes then feed him and so on.  In the background was one of my favorite guilty pleasures, "Grown Ups" from 2010.


So, about 724p, the screen goes black, and we see "PARTIAL SIGNAL LOSS" on the screen, meaing we couldn't watch the HBO channel it was one... lasted about five minutes or so.  Made me wonder how that would affect the DVR'ing of American Idol.. and now we find out.  We hear Seacrusty say, "Coming up after the break..." then the screen blips, then we go straight to this next chick being judged.  so, now we know.

When we come back, we see a contestant that apparenly just sang.. she giggles, "I'm about to pee myself" and Creepy Uncle Steven says, "Go ahead..."   He says YES, and Randy the Dawg says YES, while J-Lo says, "You need more experience, so NO."  After the chick leaves, J-Lo fusses at the boys and says, "When you watch this back, you are going to wish you'd sent her home."

Now we see a few clips of J-Lo saying NO to people, while the boy judges say YES.  Now we see Seacrusty with... well... you know those Idolites that the producers spot, and think, "There is no frakkin way this person will ever, ever, EVER make it to Hollywood, but this is good tv because we're going to make all kind of fun of this kid while making them feel like we are interested, and when they see it at home and realize we were totally making a debacle out of them, who cares, they'll be at home..."?  That's this guy.

Viva la Idol!

Big chunky dude who asks the judges to, "Grant me the power to bring revolution to the world through my music!"  Bad hair, bad ponytail, tight shirt tucked in... wow.  Alejandro Cazeres is singing "Thinks are Looking Up" by Paramore.  And for some reason, his tongue is blue.  Matches his shirt.  J-Lo tells him flat out his voice is not good enough for American Idol... and Alejandro begs for that chance to show the world what he can do, and how he will fight for the dream harder than anyone.

Randy the Dawg says, "Dude... your voice is terrible."  Alejandro gets on his knees to beg, "What can I do?! What can I do to make it!"  And the bouncer comes out and ushers him out.  Its never a good time when Big Hoss says, "Time to go" and puts his firm hand on your back to show you the door.  Viva la revolucion indeed.

And we now go to Day Two in Texas, as we see J-Lo in a tiny little top that stops about an inch below the bottom boob line.

Cortez Shaw is next with a BACKSTORY ALERT!  He used to be homeless, had a hard life, but believes in himself and his future.  He's kicking up "Someone Like You" by Adele, putting a little snap and rhythm to it... dude, I like this guy.  He sounds fun.

Randy the Dawg says, "What else you got?" while J-Lo says, "What?!  He was awesome!"  Cortez gets a YES from The Dawg and from J-Lo, and Creepy Uncle Steven says YES too.   Golden Ticket in hand, Cortez rushes out to his cheering family and friends.

The Idol Dream burns bright, as we hear about five Idolites say something about how they are the next Idol, or the next big thing.  Poor Adele.  "Rolling in the Deep" just got butchered, and no joke, Campbell just started whimpering.   Another bad rendition, this time of "Heard It Through the Grapevine"... were I the late Marvin Gaye, I'd come back and haunt this chick.

"Unbreak My Heart" makes another appearance by a guy (?) who makes The Lovely Steph Leann say, "Is that a girl?"  Randy the Dawg lowers his head behind the table to laugh.

And here we are, the last contestant of the day.  Rimino Garcia is from Houston, TX, and works as a worship leader.  BACKSTORY ALERT.. he was born with... get ready for this... no ears.  Surgeries repaired and built him ear canals when he was a youngling, and how he grew up learning how to hear.  His hair is a bit shaggy, so we cannot see the sides of his head.

"Amazing Grace" is his audition, and though its not fantastic, its also not bad.  He certainly sounds better than some of the people they have put through... and I really like this guy.  Creepy Uncle Steven likes him lots, too.  Randy the Dawg is hopeful for him, and says YES.  J-Lo says its a "leap of faith" and says YES too.

Rimino's dad is crying outside the door, even more so when Rimiro emerges with a Golden Ticket.  Awesome.  For all of Idol's emotional pandering, this was a good story.

A total of 55 Golden Tickets were given out in Houston (and Galveston, down the road, where some of the auditions were held), making the total bound for Hollywood like, 4,098 or something.  Seriously.  And next week, we head to the northwest in Portland, I believe.

And I'll be here giving you the note-by-note replay.  I watch it so you don't have to!