the gift of the mayo

We have a friend named Rachel. She's in her 20s, and adorably cute--I used the word "mousy" once as a compliment, and thankfully, she took it as just that. She's been married to her soulmate boo Brett for many months, and The Lovely Steph Leann and I really enjoy her company when she's in town.

A few weeks ago, she was in fact in town, working on a local conference, and let us know where she'd be. Obviously, we made plans for dinner, and while The Lovely Steph Leann couldn't make it, our friends McQ and her new hubby JP came, as did our friend Amy McL... we agreed to all meet up with Rachel at the brand new Newk's eatery that had opened the week prior.

And it was a grand time, with laughter and love, fellowship and friendship, with old friends like Mc!, Amy McL and myself sharing tales of many days before, while new friends like JP listened intently and chimed in, and Rachel shared her own stories of her job and her new married life. 

I had Campbell Isaiah with me as well, and Rachel and Campbell have formed a friendship... well, sort of. When she stayed at our house a few months back (on the eve of McQ's and JP's wedding, no less), Campbell took to Rachel immediately. While she tried to work on a project on our dining room table, he kept coming up to her, interrupting her with his cuteness. She would hug him, or play with him, or show him a little love, then turn back to her project... and then a few minutes later, here he comes bounding up again. The Lovely Steph Leann would call for him to step back, to let her work and to quit bothering her, but Rachel insisted it was no bother--and I believed her.

She and Brett have no children of their own, and will probably "be married" for a while before they do, but more than once she's told me that she wants a baby sooner than later. So the notion of Campbell coming up and showing her attention is just a little slice of paradise here on Earth for Rachel Mayo.

Granted, Campbell does do this kind of interaction with a few other people--but it is only a few people. He's not shy, but he doesn't just love on just anyone. Don't know his criteria yet, but Rachel meets it.

I can't tell for sure, but when he saw her again a few weeks back, I'd like to think he remembered her, and in fact did give her a little Campbell Kiss (which is, take the pacifier out, lean over, plant his lips somewhere on your face--usually your lips, but it can be your cheek, nose, chin or elsewhere--put the paci back in and turn away like "that's all you get, so enjoy it"). Usually I have to say "Campbell, give ____ a kiss" for him to do it--with Rachel, he did it on his own.

So it's easy to say out of the hundreds of people I've become friends with through social media networks, Rachel is someone who has connected with our family more than most. Yes, we met Rachel through Facebook... and it's hard to explain, so I just won't try right now.

Campbell is a very sensory oriented child. He knows how to work a cell phone like crazy, as he flips through apps and can take pictures (not very good ones, but on par with some that are on Facebook pages belonging to the 19 year old who bought an expensive DLR camera and decided to come up with a catchy name for their newly opened photography business, despite not even knowing what DLR stands for--can you tell I find this to be extremely funny?) and he loves the stocks applications, where he watch the lines up and down, and things refresh.

Currently, he has an iPhone 3 to call his own, though it's a little older and worn, and it's battery dies down fast from the three or four straight hours of use he gives it at one time.

The crown jewel of gifts for Campbell would be an iPad. He is in therapy at a local place here in town, and they use iPads during their sessions to teach various things. While the iPhone becomes like a babysitter sometimes for Campbell, an iPad would be an invaluable learning tool, once we get the right apps on it.

But they are expensive, which is why we haven't gotten him one yet. 

So imagine my surprise when Rachel did.

At the end of dinner, Rachel pulls out a bag and says, "This is for Campbell's birthday! Happy birthday Campbell!" I smiled, thinking a book or a toy of some sort, and appreciative of Rachel's thoughtfulness. I debated about whether to open it there or wait til later, but decided to open it there--I pulled out the green tissue paper, and grasped something that felt firm like a large book, but cold to the touch.

I pulled it out, pulled back the tissue and there was a silver iPad in my hands. I looked at it, and looked at Rachel, back to the iPad and back to Rachel. I simply said, "This is an iPad? Rachel... I mean..."

She smiled and quickly explained that they had gotten new versions, and she wasn't sure what to do with that one. She apologized for it having her name on the back, said that she knew it would help Campbell to have one, and then added for good measure, "I wouldn't want anyone else but Campbell to have it." 

For one of the few times in my life, I was rendered nearly speechless. I stammered a few words of something, then wiped a couple of tears away noticed how badly my allergies were acting up, and how much dust was in the restaurant.

She got our son an iPad. It was as good as brand new, it's in nearly flawless condition and it looks amazing. A little boy who she only knows from pictures on Facebook, from the stories I briefly tell on social media and on this blog, she has taken to her own heart to love, and to encourage and love on myself and The Lovely Steph Leann...

...who, by the way, had much the same reaction when she opened the bag at home. She was nearly floored too, and was nearly speechless as well. 

By the way, we haven't given it to him yet. Two things we are waiting on--first, to get a cover for it. No parent gives their children any sort of electronic anything without some sort of protective casing to go on it. Second, we are waiting to talk to his therapy teachers to find out the best way for Campbell to use it. Like I said, the iPhone is really for play, so we want the iPad to serve a real purpose.

And no, I haven't used it for my own benefit. Not saying I won't watch a movie with it or something in the future, but it is in fact Campbell's iPad, and even is now labeled that once you plug it into iTunes.

Anyway... thank you, Rachel. You are beautiful and wonderful, and we love you greatly. We hope you have an incredibly awesome Christmas, take care of that man of yours, and you'll always have a place to stay when you come to town. And a little boy who will greet you with a hug and kiss. 

Find Rachel's Etsy shop, Rachel B Designs, by clicking here.
You can find her on Twitter @rachelcmayo and on Instagram @rachelbodinemayo

if you give a soldier a sundae

When I write something, I'll usually plug it on various social media sites, like Facebook--my own profile page, the Dreamers & Builders group page I'm in, the Clouds in my Coffee FB site, etc--and then sometimes on Twitter and even on Instagram.

Not going to do that with this post, because this isn't about what I did. It's about what we should all be doing.

The Lovely Steph Leann is out of town this week, doing a Young Living Essential Oils conference for the week. I'll get some Aunt Becky relief with Campbell on Tuesday night, but until then, its been hashtag guys weekend from Saturday morning, all day today and through tomorrow night--Campbell and I just hanging. The fact that the house hasn't burned to the ground is likely a good thing.

We went to Kingdom Comics today, as my friend Hurricane Rhett was on a Transformers discussion panel... I think KC is going to start a podcast, Kingdom Cast, which is an idea probably long overdue... anyway, Campbell was in the stroller as I wheeled him around the store while the panel was taking place--its small enough that I could still hear everything being said. Eventually, I stopped strolling him and just picked him up, where he proceeded to squirm, then stop squirming and nearly go to sleep in my arms. So, it was time to get him home...

...but first, I had to eat. So, I zipped down I-65 until I got to Hwy 119, then cut across to Sonic, where I proceeded to order a #1 combo with cheese, mayo, mustard and ketchup, tots and a blue coconut slush.  

As I waited for my order, I noticed a young man in camouflage walk up, followed closely by a little girl who was maybe 4, and a pretty young lady, who I guessed was either his wife, or at the least, his babymama.

I didn't mean to stare, but I kinda did, as he picked up the little girl, played a little, his wife laughing, and playing with the little girl too, and made my decision. When the chick came up to bring me my food, I took it all in, said thank you, and as she turned away, asked, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure!" Perky Carhop replied.

"See that guy in the camo right over there? And the little girl and woman with him?"

"Yup!" Perky Carhop replied.

"Do you know what they ordered? Like, do you know if they got dessert? Like, could I buy them a milkshake, or can you tell if they've already ordered their sweets?"

"Uh... I mean, I don't know... I don't... I didn't..." Perky Carhop stammered, smile gone.

"Never mind that," I said. "I have ten dollars. Can you take this, go inside and purchase two 5 dollar gift cards, and when you come out, just give one to the solder, and one to the young lady, and simply say that someone wanted to thank them both for their service and sacrifice? Please don't point me out, just give them the cards."

"I... I mean, I think... I don't know if we sell gift cards for $5, like, I'm like, not sure if you have to get them at $10 or more but... " Perky Carhop's friendly demeanor was all but gone, as I now was the customer she wanted to get rid of.

"Just please check for me. If you cannot get cards for $5 only, let me know, and we'll do something different..." I instructed.

Perky Carhop smiled wanly and disappeared back into the building.

And I then waited for at least 10 minutes. The family got their food finally, including sundaes and such, making the gift cards a better idea. Finally, I pushed the red button, wondering what in the world could take them so long...

This is the country that has made Iggy Azalea popular, as well as that "#SELFIE" stupid piece of crap song famous, mostly based on the purchases of today's youth, so I wasn't at all surprised that they were having issues doing... well, their job.

At last, Perky Carhop came back out to the car, and asked, "You wanted the gift cards, right?"

To me this was a completely puzzling question, because we just did four laps on this topic fifteen minutes ago, so I kinda feel like it was one of those questions you know the answer to, but you still ask it anyway as a way to simply bring it back up. Which is strange.

"Yes ma'am." I said.

"Okay, we can get those! I'll bring them out in a second!" Perky Carhop was back.

"New plan," I instructed. While she was in the building doing whatever it is she was doing that prevented her from loading two Sonic giftcards with $5 each, I thought about it, and thought about Campbell, who was happily in his carseat, just playing with his toy remote with the spinny wheel on top. He won't remember this instance at all... but I still wanted him to see the soldier and the family. Not so we could get praise, but so he could be there in the moment as we--me and my son--showed them appreciation that they so richly deserve. 

"If you wouldn't mind," I asked Perky Carhop, "please just bring the cards to me. I want me and my son to give them over." 

Perky Carhop smiled a smile that was not as much "That's so nice of you" as it was "Cool with me, so I can carry on with my day." She wasn't disrespectful at all, just more of viewing me as hindering her work, which I guess was kinda true. Still, I thought this was important.

Perky Carhop brought the cards out to me a few minutes later, and I unbuckled Campbell, and pulled him out of the seat. I walked over to the family, and simply said, "Hey guys... my name is d$ and this my son Campbell. We wanted to just tell both of you thank you so much for serving. And we wanted to give you each a small gift card, first to you sir, for serving, and then to you, ma'am, because you sacrifice a lot too so he can serve. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you, because you keep me, and especially this little guy safe at night."

Both the solider and the wife were bewildered at first, with the little girl looking on in curiosity. Then, the wife smiled, and said, "Oh my gosh... thank you, that's... that's so sweet... I mean... thank you..." and the soldier didn't so much smile as just have a "taken aback" look. "Thank you man. I mean, I really appreciate that. That's great."

"It's not a lot," I replied, "but enough to buy you two a milkshake or something. Anyway, you guys have a great day and enjoy your dinner!" Campbell grinned, tugged on my ear and probably said something like "Bah bah bah geh geh..." That could mean any number of things, but this time it probably meant, "Yes, what Daddy said just now. Dig that."

They waved, said thanks again, and we headed back to the Kia Soul. I loaded Pocket Change into the carseat, and as I got out of the backseat, the soldier stood there. "Hey man... thank you. I wanted to tell you how awesome that was."

I smiled, shook his hand, and said, "My dad was Air Force, fought in WWII and Korea, and so I have a deep appreciation for what you guys do, and for what your family has to sacrifice to let you do it."

He smiled, and said, "Yeah, honestly, I think my family has it harder than I do when I'm not there."

"I'll bet. Campbell doesn't talk yet, but I want to teach him to say thank you to you guys, even if it's just a simple 'thank you Mister Army Man'. I want him to understand."

"And we are trying to teach our daughter about doing nice things for other people.... and you gave us a great lesson to show her. Thanks again." The wife hollered out, "Thank you!" and waved from the table.

We parted ways, I got in the car and drove away. I looked in the rearview mirror at Campbell, smiled, and said, "That's how you do it. Just that simple."

Our military needs to be thanked endlessly. If I had had a $1000 gift card to give them, it wouldn't be nearly enough... how do you put a price on missing your kid's birthday, or your anniversary, or funerals of loved ones, or time with your spouse to grow closer together? You can't. And you certainly can't with a $1000 Sonic gift card... and I'm not sure who would want a $1000 Sonic gift card anyway.

Thank a soldier. Just extend your hand and say "Thank you". Or if you are in a Starbucks or McDonalds or a Sonic and you see someone in uniform, grab a $5 gift card and give it to them. Buy them lunch or a shake or a latte... let them know that you appreciate who they are and what they are doing. 

Sometimes they'll just nod your head and say, "Thank you." Many times they will talk to you, and you can see real appreciation and gratitude in their faces. It's so sad when the mere act of showing a soldier thanks results in you getting more gratitude from them then you are giving to them. Many parts of our government are increasingly showing less appreciation to the men and women in uniform AND to the families and friends who have to pick up their slack left behind while they fight--and are injured, maimed, or killed--for us.

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you. Like I said, this wasn't about me doing anything noble, it was about how we should all be doing the same until the act isn't so uncommon.

Thank you, Mister Army Man

things carly simon made me say late at night

Its two minutes shy of 11:30. And this is what is known as writer’s block… well, maybe. Sort of. I mean, I wrote a post on Friday, so its only been a few days… I guess I should write something, working on my 20,000 words for January. I’m getting close… you might say “well, you just wrote about movies and stuff, so that only sort of counts”, but I think it counts completely. They are my thoughts, my words, and I made sure not to count anything that I quoted from my earlier posts.

Its 1131 now. Someone on Facebook made a comment about my blog, telling me “You’re so vain. You probably think this comment is about you.” We bantered about lyrics from the song. Of course, as probably 98.7% of you know, that’s where the title of the blog comes from…

 “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee… clouds in my coffee and… you’re so vain…”

Of course, then I had to play the song. Put the earbuds in, turn on some Carly Simon, and type away.

Type away about what? I have no idea!!

I feel like every time I go to Wikipedia, they are asking for a little change. I always feel like I should contribute, because darn if I don’t use it just about every day, multiple times per day. When I watch a movie, many times I’ll look there and IMDb, just to read facts and such about the film… box office returns, trivia, production information. I’m really a nerd like that.

Yeah, this looks a bit dated, don't it?

“In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning”, from Carly Simon just played and ended. Now its “Nobody Does It Better” from what I’m positive is “The Spy Who Loved Me”, a James Bond film.

Never been a James Bond fan, really. I mean, I liked the Daniel Craig films… “Skyfall” and “Casino Royale” and not really sure what the heck a “Quantum of Solace” is, but I liked it. Pierce Brosnan was not too bad in “Goldeneye”. I’m sure if I saw more of the Sean Connery ones, I’d like them more.

 “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain” is on. I don’t know the album, but its such a great song. A great, “suck it up, Im heartbroken, but I got junk to do, so I’m gonna suck it up and get ‘er done.” Boom.

Boom is a great word. Boomsauce is an even better. I use Boom randomly. I think I’ll incorporate Boomsauce in there too.

So, when I was growing up, I heard about this syndrome called Toxic Shock Syndrome. It was this thing you could get if you were a chick and you improperly used feminine hygiene products. I’ve never heard of anyone ever dying of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and I never hear about it anymore. Is it still a thing?

Milo’s chicken fingers are so good. Milo’s is the burger joint in our area that serves their burgers with this brown gravy sauce on it that I don’t like, so I always get it plain, adding my own condiments, like ketchup and mustard and mayo...

"You Belong To Me” just came on. I know it best from the credits on the late Brittany Murphy’s “Little Black Book” a great little underrated, forgotten comedy with Holly Hunter and Peter from “Office Space”, who’s real name esca… Ron Livingston! Yeah, him. Anyway, it’s a great song.

Yes, its got the same title as the Taylor Swift song, and I probably like that song a little bit better, mostly because I am on the downslide to 40 and am a Taylor Swift fan and I’m #notsorrynotsorry. As a matter of fact, I'm going to listen to “You Belong to Me” right now.

Of course, it would help if I remembered that the Taylor Swift song was actually called “You Belong WITH Me”, not “TO Me”. Not quite as possessive.

She wears short skirts and I wear t-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers… this song makes me happy. When I hear it, especially if I watch the cutie-patootie video, it makes me think of high school, and how 16 year old me was the male Taylor Swift and I was singing to Julie Wise. That didn’t work out, and that’s okay.

Wasn’t I talking about Milo’s?

Yes, their fries are good too. And they just started doing chicken fingers a few months ago could have been a year ago, and I dig them. Dig ‘em a lot.

If I quoted Taylor Swift’s lyrics above, do those words count towards my total? Okay, I’m a purist, so I’ll discount those sixteen words. Does t-shirt count as two words? Its hyphenated, so

Holy crap “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears just came across my iTunes shuffle…. What. This song is so good. I won’t quote it or sing it here because I don’t want to have to count the word total and subtract it from my overall total. Too much work.

That’s the hard part about Milo’s… too much work. If its too go, I have to park, and in my lap, doctor it up with the condiments, and then what do I do with the empty packets of stuff? Toss them in the bag, sure, but like, I’ve got fries in there. Chicken fingers are less messy, but I can’t eat those in the car.

I was eating something in the car not too long ago, and like, I had on a white sweater, and I dripped ketchup out. Thankfully, it landed on a napkin, and I was so pleased that it didn’t land on the right side of my shirt where I thought it did. I didn’t look at the left side until a few minutes later, and yup, there it was. A little red splotch.

Splotch. What a weird word. Makes me think of the character Elmo Blatch in the movie “The Shawshank Redemption”, literally my 2nd favorite film of all time (#TheDave500).

Anyway, this red splotch was on my sweater, and I wiped it up, or blotted it anyway, not realizing some had gotten on my lanyard that I was wearing…

My new job requires us all to wear lanyards now, and my picture is a stark reminder of the fact my face gains weight faster than the rest of my gloriously pudgy frame.

..and when I was wiping up the spot on my sweater, I was moving the lanyard which was spreading more ketchup onto my sweater. It was a nasty business.

“Sunrise” by Simply Red is on. I’m addicted to this song, don’t ask me why. I watched the video of it recently, which was a live performance of Simply Red, though I think its just one guy now, singing it. He looks reeeeeeally old, which isn’t surprising because I remember their stuff like “Holding Back the Years” from the late 80s.

Anyway, towards the end of the song, this chicks sings lines from “I Can’t Go For That (no can do)” by Hall and Oates, which “Sunrise” samples.

Sunrise samples.

Sunrise sampler.

Mmm. Now I want to go to Cracker Barrel, or Waffle House.

Apparently the Grammys were on tonight. And I so didn’t care. Pharrell apparently wore a big hat. It looked like the Arby’s hat. So.

I tried Taco Bell’s Cinnabon Delights the other day. I watched “Undercover Boss” with Cinnabon’s CEO chick, Kat Cole, who I follow on Twitter, not that that matters, just worth mentioning and when I watched it, I suddenly wanted Cinnabon… and Taco Bell was as good as any… they were so delish.

I just said Delish.

"You Give Good Love" by Whitney Houston is on my iPod now. If you don't think I'm sitting here, mouthing the words quietly so as not to wake up the family upstairs, yet doing it with over exaggerated head movements that can only come at 12:05 at night, then you are crazy. You give good love to me, honey, never too much will ever be...

My friend Michelle had a huge problem with this song, mostly because it was so grammatically faulty.

I love Whitney Houston. No kidding. I also love Cinnabon Delights from Taco Bell. And Carly Simon music. And Walt Disney World. And my Deuce buddies. And WWE Royal Rumble, which we watched tonight. I don't love Toxic Shock Syndrome. But I do love Whitney Houston.

And yet, I still said Delish up there.

Geez, its late. Crap it all.

Perhaps tomorrow I won’t have writer’s block.

(17,888 words written for #500Words... 2,112 words left in #20KWordsInJanuary)

fresh fries make the difference

Yes, we are fast food fans.  We always have been, and like it or not, we might always be.  I can eat just about anywhere, but I do enjoy Arby's, Sonic, Whataburger, Milo's and Wendy's.  I do eat McDonalds sometimes, but its lower on my list.  The Lovely Steph Leann really only likes Wendy's, and sometimes Burger King... but our Burger King here is just terrible. 

I speak of the one on Hwy 280, right down the way from The Cabana, maybe a mile or so away.  They closed it and refurbed the entire thing a year or two ago, and it looks great.  But the service took a downward spiral fast.  Yes, the Caramel Bacon Sundae is almost worth it... but after ten years of working for Starbucks, plus another 15 years of eating at and experiencing the service at Chik-fila, I don't dig on bad service. 

I kinda quit going to Burger King on 280 altogether... food is not great, and the service team is full of people that just don't give a crap.  Yeah, you can experience "just don't give a crap" in most places, but it seems like they actually work on, and take pride in, their "just don't give a crap"ness.

So, when I went to Wendy's tonight, I was pleasantly surprised.  Their service is just average.  That's not really a knock on Wendy's, as ho-hum service is generally what you get elsewhere... tonight, I walk in and order.

The Lovely Steph Leann gets her burger with ketchup and mustard only.  Value fries and a small drink.  I get my burger with mayo, mustard and ketchup, with cheese.  When I order these meals, it usually blows the mind of whoever is behind the counter.  I get home with the food, and her burger will have cheese and mayo on it, I'll be missing cheese and mustard... or there will mayo on both and cheese is nowhere to be found.  I've actually taken to ordering and paying for them separately, just to keep confusion to a minimum. 

The guy behind the counter was as nice as could be.  He was chatty, friendly, and though I'm not sure of his name, it said "Dakota" on the receipt.  In conversation, I mentioned that our burger had unwanted cheese on it last time, and he said, "Well, let me check to make sure its right..."  He did, and it was, then he replied, "Yeah, our girl working the grill really knows what she's doing." 

He came back with two things of fries, but then stops before placing them in the bag.  He looks at me and says, "Ya know... we have fresh fries cooking.  Two minutes.  Would you like to wait?"  I said, "Sure, I'll wait for fresh fries!" and he says, "Yeah, you don't want these.  They have been sitting there for a while."  Then he just chunks the fries in the trash. 

Perhaps its a small thing, but it was a great gesture.  I feel like most people would have just said "Whatevs", tossed the old fries in the bag and sent me on my way.

Dakota, I thank you.  You made my Wendy's experience actually enjoyable.   

Its the little things, really.

a bacon sundae thursday

When I heard Burger King was doing a Bacon Sundae as part of their summer menu, part of me was completely grossed out, and the other part of me was kind of excited--yet none of me was surprised.  Our nation has become obsessed with nachos, bacon and fro-yo, though popsicles and cupcakes are trending hard by now.

Of course, this is the same company that had this in their window for a
day or so

Naturally, I had to have one.  I stopped at The BK a week or so ago just for this purpose, but there was a sign on the door that said "closed for store meeting", or something to that effect.  Naturally, my hopes were dashed...

So today,  I stopped by during lunch, and lo and behold, they are open.  They have these great video menu boards, kinda like The Rave Motion Picture Theater... the BK videos change and show new stuff, but no mention of the bacon sundae. 

I ordered my #1 meal, a Whopper with cheese, mayo, mustard and ketchup only, and patiently waited.  She asked me if I wanted a small, medium or large, and I've learned at BK, and also at Arbys and a few other places, you say "SMALL", or you will be given a 32+ ounce drink that poses for a medium, maybe even a 40+ ounce drink as a large--and these don't fit in your typical cup holder.

Before I paid up, I asked, "I reckon you don't have the bacon sundae, do you?"  She said, "Yes, we have it."  And without haste, I immediately said, "Yeah, gimme one of those!"

I got my food a few minutes later, and then stood in the drink line... they have one of those new fangled big Coke machines that only has one single dispensing spout... but 110 or more different flavors, with a touch screen so you can select the kind of Coke or Sprite or Fanta or Mello Yello or Dr. Pepper or Grapico or whatever you want.  I preferred Vanilla Coke myself, one of my all time favorite beverages. 

It took a while to get to it, though, as what usually happens at these machines was happening here... an older couple was standing in front of it, trying to figure out how to get a glass of Coke.  And they stood, fidgeting, pushing buttons for several minutes until they finally got what they needed--by that time, the line was seven or eight people deep, like we were at the dining hall of Shocco Springs BCM retreat or something.

I waited patiently for my Bacon Sundae, and finally she brought it over.  Looked delicious scrumptious tasty interesting.  Sat down at the little bar counter by the window, bit into my Whopper with Cheese, mayo, mustard and ketchup only, and found that it was just a Whopper with mayo, mustard and ketchup only.   Not deterred, and really not bothered by it, I just went to the counter and simply said, "Ma'am... can I have a slice of cheese?"  She said, "They forgot to put it on your sandwich?" and I nodded, with a smile, "Yes ma'am.  You can just hand it to me on a napkin or with your own hands, I don't really care either way."  As she went to get my cheese, the lady behind me grunted, "You paid fo' it, you should be gettin' it..."  And I did.

I had already eaten most of my fries while standing at the counter awaiting my Bacon Sundae, so I got through my burger quickly... and then, the dessert.  I opened up the lid of the sundae container, and stared at it.  It was simply soft serve ice cream with mocha sauce and caramel sauce drizzled all over it... and with some chips of bacon sprinkled on top and just under the ice cream surface, and to top it off, one strip of bacon standing straight up, like a pole waiting for a flag of obesity to be raised.

My first bite didn't have any bacon in it at all--it was a "Control" bite.  Having seen Mythbusters enough, I knew this was important to have a starting point for comparison.  My next bite, however, had the bacon bits in it.  And it was this strange mix of a hot summer day's dessert relief and an early morning visit to Waffle House.  I don't know how else to describe it.

Another bite, than another, as the bacon, the chocolate, the caramel and the ice cream all blended together and it suddenly became a harmony, albeit unexpected, of flavor.  Finally, about 1/3 of the way into the sundae, I pulled out the bacon strip and used it as a scoop for some ice cream, much like it was a fry diving into a Wendy's Frosty. 

Its interesting to note that I think it would have been better if the bacon itself had been better. I rather enjoyed the mixture of odd flavors, but had this been a Cracker Barrel, or even a Waffle House, where bacon is something they do like no one can, it would have been magnificent... as it was, it was pretty good.

It runs about $2.50 or so, only one size, and tops out at around 510 calories, 18 grams of fat and 60 grams of sugar... lucky for me, though, I wasn't going to gorge myself, so I only ate a little less than half... giving me around 190 calories, 7 grams of fat and 27 grams of sugar. 

I win! 

Excuse me... I have to visit the bathroom.

The July 31 Day Five

paying the price at taco bell

I do love me some Taco Bell.  Mostly because it's cheap, but in addition to that, the food is pretty good.   Okay, let's be real... its almost 99% because its cheap, and the other 1% or so is because of the food.  Its not that good, but the cheapness of it overrides the not good tasteness of it any day.  Why do you think I go to Krystal's sometimes?  Of course, Krystal's isn't cheap either, when you get more than one or two Krystal's, or toss in a Chik or even a Corn Dog Pup, but still...

Back to Taco Bell.

I'm a creature of frugal habit, and at Taco Bell, I dig on The Deal #4.  Its a burrito with a bag of Doritos and a drink for like, $2.39 or something.  I add on a 99 cent cheesy roll-up and up until recently, I'd add on a regular soft taco for 89 cents and my entire meal tops out at around 5 bucks, tax included.

Lately, however, I've been on this Doritos Locos Taco kick... if you don't know much about it, its simply a regular hard shell taco, yet the shell is made of an actual Dorito, all cheesy and greasy and fattening and everything else.  I'm personally a Cool Ranch Dorito guy myself, so the day they come out with that puppy will be the day I'll be living at Taco Bell, but I digress.

I also enjoy sour cream on my Mexican food.  Tacos are not any different, even when its fake Mexican like Taco Bell... the problem at The Bell, however, is sour cream comes at a premium.  Its 45 cents extra to get sour cream, and they essentially take what must be an actual tea spoon, scoop out a slight dot of sour cream and glop it right in the middle of your taco.  So for your 45 cents, you get two bites of your taco that taste normal, one glorious, sour cream filled bite in the middle, then two more regular, bland bites.  I must also tell you that I ask for no lettuce on my taco, so it really is just a meat and cheese experience.

So the first time I got my Deal #4 at Taco Bell, I added on my cheesy roll up, and decided to try the Doritos Locos Taco... the food was good, as usual, but the Doritos Locos Taco was marvelous.  So the next time, I figured I'd get the same thing, but added on the 45 cent sour cream.  Again, it was awesome, though that one single bite with the glop of sour cream right in the middle was marvelouser.  So, so good.

The next time I visited Taco Bell--mind you, this is over a matter of weeks, lest you think I'm just kicking it Bell School nine times per week--I did something a little different.  I noticed the price of the Doritos Locos Taco was $1.29.  The Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, however, was $1.49.  For you math scholars out there, that's a 20 cent different.  Add the 45 cents to the $1.29 price, and I'm paying $1.74 per taco...

however comma...

...the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme comes WITH the sour cream in that $1.49 price.  And they don't just drip it on in a minuscule amount... nay nay, since the sour cream is an actual ingredient in the recipe, they use that big sour cream tubey thing and smear it from one end of that crunchy Doritos shell to the other.  So this day, I ordered a Doritos Locos Taco Supreme with no lettuce or tomato for $1.49.  How smart am I, right?

Now, what kind of blog post would this be were there not some conflict?  And I'm not just talking internally with stomach issues later, 3 to 5 hours after dinner...

The view, standing at the middle register and
looking at the menus.

About a week ago, I went in with intentions on getting my Deal #4, and this time, skipping the cheesy roll up for two of the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, minus the lettuce and tomato.  I'm not going to give you the location (Highway 280) of the one I visited, but when you stand at the register, you can look up and dead center to you is a menu panel that says the words "FEATURED: DORITOS LOCOS TACOS", with pictures of the supreme and a few of the tacos in a box.  Below that are your options... the regular ($1.29), the supreme ($1.49) and the box ($5.00).  Its important to note that this is so plainly right in front of you, so remember this.

I don't remember the little 50-something white lady I talked to, but we'll call her Vivian...

Vivian:  What can we get for you?
Me: I want to get a Deal #4 please, and please add on two Doritos Locos Taco Supremes, minus the lettuce and tomato on both.
Vivian:  You know its the lettuce and tomato that make the supreme, right?
Me:  Yes, but it also has sour cream on it.  If I get the regular, its an additional 45 cents for a very small amount.  Or, I can pay only 20 cents more and get a larger amount included.
Vivian:  Oh, okay, I guess that makes sense.

She rings me up, I pay, and then stand off to the side with my receipt.  Had Vivian stopped there, I don't know that this post would exist, because I honestly can't tell you I'd be any the wiser... but she didn't stop there.

As I stood over to the side, she came over and said, "You know, if you wanted to, you could just get a 45 cup of sour cream on the side..." and I replied, "That's true, but then I'd have to put it on the taco myself, and its just easier to take off the lettuce and tomato from the supreme."  She then said, "Well, if you get a couple of them, it would be a little cheaper than the $1.69 price in the long run..." She pointed not to the Featured Doritos menu board, but to another menu board about two sections of the left of middle.

The board also had pictures of the Doritos Locos Taco with "$1.29" beside it, but then it had a Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, not priced at $1.49, but $1.69.

Wait... what?

I stared at this menu for several seconds, then took three or four steps to my right, back to the middle and stared at that board.  I looked down at my receipt, looked back up at both boards, stared again at the middle board searching for something that said "Offer good from -- to --", saw none, then looked back at the other board.  They were the exact same items offered for two different prices.

I looked again at my receipt, did the quick math and realized that I paid the $1.69 price, not the $1.49 price for both Doritos Locos Taco Supreme.

"Um," I asked, "can you tell me why you have the same item offered for two different prices?"

This was taken from the cafe, as they were suspiciously eyeing me after
I snapped the earlier photo.  You can't see the prices, but you can see on
the far left board in the pic, the fuzzy image of the Doritos Locos Tacos.
And on the far right, you can see part of the promo board.

Vivian, who was wiping the counter, looked up at me in confusion.  I continued, "Ma'am, I ordered the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, for $1.49 each, as you have on the menu.  But you charged me $1.69 for each one, the price on that menu board."

She stepped back and looked at both boards, then back at me.  "Well, how about that?  I guess that's a mistake.  We should probably pull this menu board [the cheaper one] down."

I chuckled, knowing this would be the response, and replied, "Maybe so, but you overcharged me."

Her smile faded slightly, and said, "Well, its $1.69 in the computer, and that's what I have to charge you."

Now, understand, this is not about the 38 cents I would save.  In fact, I told her that I didn't want a refund... but this is about the principle that I, as the consumer, am being overcharged for an item they are offering at a lower price.  Its also important to note I was being very respectful and kept my tone very light while saying all of this, so please don't think I was being a jerk.

"Well, ma'am, first, I've worked retail and fast food in my days, and can pretty much guarantee there is a function on that register to change an amount on an item," I said.  "Secondly, you overcharged me.  You are offering the same item for two different prices, and are charging me the higher price."

"You have a valid point, I'll definitely take it up with my manager."

"Understand, I don't want a refund, but I want you to see that its wrong to show an item for two different prices then charge the higher price.  If you went to a steakhouse and ordered a steak dinner for $12, then saw the same steak dinner on another page of the menu, you wouldn't be happy if they charged you $16 instead of the $12 you ordered."

"You have a valid point, I'll definitely take it up with my manager," she said again.

Knowing that she would forget this entire thing as soon as I was 10 feet from the counter, I said, "Well, may I say something to your manager?"

Her smile was now completely gone, as she walked over to a large black dude in the kitchen.  I heard her say something to the effect of, "I've shown him the price and he wants to pay a cheaper price...", which really annoyed me.

Big Manager Brother came over and asked me, "What's the problem, sir?"  I said, "Well, its not necessarily a problem, but I wanted you to know that you have a the same item for two different prices, and I don't think its right to charge me the higher price, especially when your promo menu doesn't have any sort of expiration date on it."

He looked carefully at both menus for a moment, and then said, "Wow, your right.  Same taco."

I said, "Yep."

He said, "We shoulda already taken this promo menu down."

I said, "Perhaps, but your failure to take it down isn't my fault.  Again, I don't want a refund, but if I come in again, I'll ask to pay the $1.49 price and expect you guys to honor it, if both menus are still up."

He said, "Oh, we will get this down tonight, cause we can't have both of these up..."

Vivian just smiled, somewhat fake, and waited for me to leave.  Yes, I had a valid point.

And I did go back in a few days later.  And here's what happened...

The 100 Coolest Things of 2011... #90 to 81

Let's continue our list of the Coolest 100 Things of the previous year... we've already looked at the 100th to 91st Coolest, so let's get to the next ten!

#90... Coin Dozer
What a colossal waste of time!  And I love it!

You know those time and money consuming carnival games where there is a pile of quarters sitting in front of a little wall that moves back and forth, and your job is to drop the quarter into the pile in the hopes that you place it in just such a way where the wall will push the quarters over the edge into the spot where you can reach in and grab them?

That's what this game is.  As a matter of fact, that's all this game is.  You are given a certain amount of coins, you aim and tap the screen, hoping the moving wall will knock more coins into your "prize pocket".  Also, prizes randomly drop, like sunglasses and teddy bears and dice and plush puppies and so on... got a few minutes?  Try Coin Dozer.  I've made it to over 100 levels and... wait, should I admit this?

This guy is the real deal.  And he's actually kinda
cool, at least with his intentions.

#89... "Superheroes"
What a great, bizarre documentary.  From IMDB:

'Superheroes' will introduce us to several of the country's most famous masked heroes including, Mr. Xtreme, a 33-year-old security guard officer by day, but a goon's worst nightmare by night. We'll follow Mr. Xtreme on his nightly patrols through the streets of San Diego, as he tries to stop evildoers and protect the innocent. We'll also meet the New York Initiative, a fantastic foursome of real life superheroes living together that tackle crime fighting, one Brooklyn borough at a time. Lead by Zimmer, we'll watch as they take to the streets and try to lure criminals out of hiding with their controversial Bait-Patrols. With over 300 registered superheroes in the United States, we'll definitively uncover the 'Real-Life Superhero' cultural phenomenon and discover what inspired these everyday citizens to take the law in to their own hands as they try to make the world a better and safer place for all.

In watching this movie, I just couldn't help being fascinated by these real-life superheroes.  Even going into the film, I wanted to openly mock some of these guys, especially the guy living with his mother, but by the end of the movie, I was rooting for them, and thought it was awesome that these men and women saw a problem--crime in their area--and wanted to do something about it.   And the documentary itself doesn't make fun of any of them... it simply tells their stories, letting them do much of the talking.  Great, fun movie.  And check out www.reallifesuperheroes.org while you are at it.

88... "The Rainmaker" by John Grisham
From 1995, back hen John Grisham was consistently good (The Firm, The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill, etc) and before Grisham became a tool (or at least a known tool... did you know he hates fan mail?  He hates people writing to him, and refuses to read anything, ever), "The Rainmaker" is a pretty good novel.

Rudy Baylor is a young lawyer who is on the verge of graduating law school, and the book chronicles first his efforts to find a law firm--there are issues with one after the other and his employment... second, an abused wife he meets and falls for in a hospital cafeteria... third, a case involving an old lady who becomes his landlord, and her will, plus the money grubbing family that wants it... and finally, making up the crux of the novel, a massive lawsuit against an insurance company, one that failed to provide health care to a family that resulted in the son becoming terminally ill--and eventually dying.

If it sounds like there are multiple subplots in this story, that's because there are.  Grisham has a habit of unfurling a few stories at a time, locked around a major one, sometimes intertwining, sometimes not, but this one seems to work.  There are a few loose ends that either he doesn't tie up satisfactorily, or even at all, but overall, it makes for a solid read.  The characters are worth investing in, and though some of it was a little predictable, it still came together quite nicely.

The movie, however, not so much.  After reading the book, I went out to Best Buy and found "The Rainmaker" on DVD in the $4.99 bin, and thought, "What the hey... why not?" and bought it.   Released in 1997, it stars Matt Damon as the lawyer Rudy Baylor, Claire Danes as the embattled wife Kelly, Jon Voight as the defending attorney Leo Drummond, and Danny DeVito as Rudy's partner, Deck.  Other names in the film include Mickey Rourke, Danny Glover, Virginia Madsen and Andy Shue.

I guess had I not finished the book the day before I watched the movie, it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was able to quickly figure out all the parts cut from the movie... heck, I was wondering how someone who hadn't read the book would even understand how one scene correlated to the next one as so many of the parts are tightly connected by stuff that didn't make the film.

It was well acted, but to me, not that great.  There are a hundred good courtroom dramas out there that you can rely on rather than this one... even the movie adaptations of the books I mentioned above are much better.

#87... "I Need a Dollar" by Aloe Blacc
You may have seen it on HBO's "How to Make It In America"... or maybe on the Boost Wireless commercial... or Conan or Jimmy Fallon's shows... or maybe heard it in a Starbucks... truthfully, I don't know where I heard it... but its addicting.

I need a dollar, dollar, dollar's what I need... I need a dollar, dollar, dollar's what I need (hey hey).

Check it out on iTunes and see if you like it.

#86... "Zookeeper"
Okay, I'll admit... this is an incredibly stupid, dopey movie.  The script is hokey... the acting is subpar... some of the jokes are flat... its got talking animals... its got talking animals... Sly Stallone IS a talking lion... but guess what?  I enjoyed it.

I went into this movie with very low expectations, and those expectations were completely met, even surpassed.  Understand--this is a fairly crappy movie.  Its stupid.  Its really stupid.  So why is it on this list?

It has "guilty pleasure" potential.  As in, I can imagine flipping through Starz in Black in March, and choosing between this and "The Departed" over on HBO, and since I am tired and just want something to be background noise, or just want something unencumbered by the thought process, then Kevin James wins. Try it out. If you let yourself, you might find yourself laughing a few times.

#85... Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

Taken as we walked into the attraction building

In our trip to Disneyland in May, we knew there were several rides in Anaheim that we've never seen in Lake Buena Vista, Florida... that is, in Disney World.  They've got the Alice in Wonderland ride out there, and the Nemo's Undersea Voyage and Autopia and California Screamin' (at California Adventure), all which were great... and then, there was one attraction that used to be at Disney World, but is no longer, yet is located in Fantasyland in Magic Kingdom.

That would be Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, the attraction based on the movie "The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad", and its a rollicking "dark ride" where you board a little car and then tour through the Toad Hall, Winkie's Pub, town hall and then, naturally, Hell. 

At Magic Kingdom, the attraction closed in 1998 and was replaced by The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.  Despite the many protests and calls for its return, the Disney Imagineers answered those calls... by placing a Mr. Toad gravestone statue in the pet cemetary outside of the Haunted Mansion.  And in the Pooh ride itself, one of the opening scenes shows Mr. Toad handing a deed over to Owl.

Not one of my all time favorite rides, but I liked it nonetheless.

#84... "The Help"
What can I say?  I liked this movie. 

I won't spend too much time on the specifics of this movie, as we all kind of know by now its a group of black housekeepers in the early 60s who are interviewed for a book by a white reporter about their living standards and such.

The ensemble cast is outstanding, with Viola Davis as Abileen and Octavia Spencer as Minny (who won an Oscar a few weeks back for this role) as the main housekeepers in the group, Emma Stone with the jacked up curly hair as Skeeter, the reporter writer chick, and various good and bad "housewives", played by Jessica Chastain (who got an Supporting Actress nod), Ashley Johnson and a great villianous turn played by Bryce Dallas Howard.

Its a movie that was made for awards, tackling Civil Rights, though I think the subject of the movie is actually better than the movie itself... does that make any sense?  Like, if you take Heath Ledger out of "Brokeback Mountain" and put in Natalie Portman instead, making it a hetero story and not a homo-story, I think "Brokeback Mountain" becomes a forgettable love story that gets very little notice.  You can't say "take out the race aspect of 'The Help' and it becomes a forgettable story" because race is the story, but I think you get my point.

The movie is well acted, the script is well written, though I can't tell you how it compares to Kathryn Stockett's book (I started it, got bored and put it down... will eventually read the whole thing).  Davis and Spencer are great in their roles and deserved their accolades, and as I mentioned, BDHoward is perfectly just mean, but I don't know that I really liked Emma Stone here--don't get me wrong, I dig some Emma, but still.  All the white chicks smoke, as per the culture of the day, but when Emma did, I didn't buy it.  Her curly hair was a little odd, and maybe she was a little mis-cast.  Who else could have done it?  I dunno.  And maybe if I see it again, I'll completely go with Emma here.

Which presents the issue... I dont know that I necessarily want to see it again.  Being featured on this countdown will tell you that I didn't think it was a bad film--nay, I thought it was a great movie, and I'm glad I saw it... but it didn't change my life, and when all is said and done, I don't know that it will be on my list of my Top 500 films of all time.    And truthfully, if this is on Starz in Black (what else would it be on?) in late 2012, I might still watch something else... perhaps "Zookeeper". 


#83... Jersey Mike's Subs
Man I love this place.  Big, thick bread, they slice the meat right in front of you, the cheese is fresh, and the prices are reasonable.  I do enjoy a Subway sandwich every now and then, but I do love to indulge in some Jersey Mike submarine sandwiches.  Dig it.

#82... "Thor"
One of the many superhero movies I've seen in the last few years, and one of several that make this countdown for 2011... here's what I wrote on June 21st:

Its a great movie. Chris Helmsworth is fantastic as Thor, and Tom Hiddleston is perfect as the weaker, yet smarter Loki. The effects are quite stunning, with the color and splendor of Asgard, the superhero explosions and superpowers you'd expect to find in a super hero movie, and to top it all off, the story is solid too. Again, I wasn't expecting nearly as much as I got out of the movie.

Even Natalie Portman was good--yes, we know she's a good actress, yes, we know she won an Oscar for "Black Swan", but in movies that aren't serious, she tends to mail her performance in (see: prequels, Star Wars), but she actually isn't that bad. Of course, there is stuff at the end of the credits, so stick around for that...
(see the full review, plus more reviews on "Devil" and "Three Days of the Condor", by clicking here)

#81... Brava Rotisserie Grill
Sitting next to Publix on Valleydale Road is a Subway shop.  Next to it used to be a Jungle Juice Smoothie place, but it now sits empty.  Next to it is a UPS Store.  And on the corner is used to be a coffee place called The Bean Hole... but no longer.  Oh, nay nay. 

Currently, there is a little chicken place called Brava, and its good food.  Its great food.  The chicken is grilled over a rotisserie with just the right amount of spice, while the fries are served with this awesome seasoning kind of stuff... each plate gets a piece of pita, with a little hummus and some dipping sauce, which is fantastic.

I know that Hurricane Rhett doesn't like it much, but his wife Amarylis by Mornin (up from san antone) really loves it... which helps the cause of myself and The Lovely Steph Leann when we four are looking for an after-church lunch spot.  (update:  they are no longer open on Sundays.  Frowny face)

I would say that I'll eat there tonight for dinner, but we had it last night... perhaps I'll hit Jersey Mike's. 

Coming up... the financial gain of Hot Coffee... a Disney makeover... and Misery.  And later... one of the best apps I've ever owned...

And No Sauce: A Dinner Out Lament

Why is it that I can't get a great experience while eating out?  I mean, I can't complain too much--I'm eating out.  I'm eating food, good food, and I've got the money to do so.  I'm sure those kids in Darfur would love to have some Full Moon BBQ chicken, sauce or not, for dinner.

But if I'm paying hard earned money, can I not just get what I want, especially if I speak clearly, friendly enough and with concise ordering perfection?

Case 1... Taco Bell
I've discussed this at length in previous posts, but I just don't understand how hard it is to leave something off.  I mean, I'm not asking for a precise amount of lettuce on my taco, I'm actually asking you to do LESS work.  Not putting lettuce on my taco is a step you don't have to take.  Just don't do it. 

But IF you do, then you need to be nice enough about it to say, "Oh, hey, my bad dawg... let me fix you another one real quick like..." because while I've never worked at a Taco Bell, I've watched from my perch on the other side of the counter, and let me tell ya, it ain't hard.  It ain't rocket science.

But the worse thing is not only when they screw it up, they actually leave it out of the bag.  Twice.  TWICE have I gotten home without my entire order.  And TWICE have I gotten back in my car to go back and get my paid for but not received food... the first was a soft shell taco, only meat and cheese, and the second was a cheesy roll up.  Both times did I say, "Hey, I got home and realized I didn't have my (insert which one at that time), so I came back up here to get it", and both times I was greeted with a simple sigh, a fake smile, and a piece of food tossed at me with a "sorryboutthat".  And I don't think they meant it.

When I left, I'm fairly certain that they were probably telling each other how dumb I was for, "coming all the way back up here for a taco?  man, is it that important?  it ain't but 89 cents..."

Yes, its that important.  Its the principle. 

But, with the couldn't-care-less resolution, I didn't leave a satisfied customer.

Case 2... Full Moon BBQ
Out of the three main BBQ places here in town, I think Full Moon is my favorite.  Jim-n-Nicks is good, and their cheddar biscuits are the bomb diggity dot org, but Jim-n-Nicks has two things against it--its pricey and its usually overly crowded.  Sunday lunch for two is a commitment, usually taking well over an hour and resulting in a bill of about $25 to $30--and that's two sweet teas, and two plates, and maybe sharing a piece of pie, maybe not.  The other known place in town is Johnny Ray's, and I tend to find their chicken to be a bit dry.  Its good, just not great. 

Our dear Aunt Becky is here this weekend, and Thursday night, I was given the task of going to get dinner at Full Moon. I like this place because its right down Hwy 280 from The Cabana, its reasonably priced and... well, the food is excellent. 

But I don't like BBQ sauce.  Sorry, I just don't.  I don't like sweet sauce, I don't dig on tangy sauce, or hot sauce or honey sauce or anything else... hence, I don't eat ribs often.  That's just the way I'm built. 

So when I order my BBQ chicken, I use the words "and no sauce" about four or five times in the conversation.  I use it often enough to hear the cashier repeat the words back to me, letting me know that she understands "and no sauce".

A few minutes later, my order comes up, and stupid me, I don't check it.  I get home, give Aunt Becky her pulled pork plate, I give The Lovely Steph Leann her veggie plate, and am ready to open up my own plate and chow down...

...again, not that I'm complaining, but this is an evening that followed a day that had me up at 3am (i must be lonely), picking up Hot Manager Melanie at 350a, picking up a few other managers and going to Atlanta to tour stores.  So, I've driven 350+ miles and I'm just flat out tired, not to mention that I have to be back up at 4am on Friday morning to work all day. 

I open the plate, and there's a big heaping helping of thick, what I can presume to be tasty but I wouldn't know, dark BBQ sauce all over the chicken.  This is actually the third time this has happened, though the other two times I wasn't doing the picking up and was far enough away from Full Moon to not make a return trip viable.  However, this night, I'm at The Cabana. I just frown, close the lid, put it back in the bag and walk right back out to the garage.

Its right at 9p, and they are closing.  However, I make it in the door before she locks it (I think she was headed that way) and the chick who rang me up recognized me.  "Is everything okay?" she asks, already knowing the answer.  "Well... I asked for no sauce, and there is BBQ sauce all over my chicken.  I need to get a new plate."

She responds friendly enough, and I follow her to the counter.  The manager comes up, I politely explain the situation, and he apologizes about four times.  One of the Full Moon'ers offers me some tea, and I gladly accept.  Meanwhile, I hear the manager in the back saying loudly, "And NO SAUCE on that chicken!  NO SAUCE!!"  He offers me an extra side, then a piece of pie... both of which I politely refuse.  Yes, extra fries would have been good, and a piece of chocolate pie would have been good, but I didn't need either, and I really just wanted my chicken, to go home and have dinner, then go to bed.

Perhaps next time I should lead with "And no sauce on the chicken I'm ordering right now."

However, I did leave a satisfied customer.

CASE 3... PABLO'S
Don't get me wrong, I love Pablos.  I love the atmosphere, I love the band that plays, I love the fun servers that are there, I love the deck, and the food is exceptional.  

But for whatever reason, sour cream eludes my order.  See, I don't like lettuce.  And I don't like spicy things.  But I do like tacos and quesadillas, and what makes it all better is sour cream.  Enough sour cream on any Mexican dish, and its a tasty meal.  But when I order my meal, and always order it with sour cream on the side, one of two things happen... either the plop a little dollop of sour cream atop a bed of shredded lettuce, which makes it hard to separate what I love and what I hate, or they just forget it altogether, and by the time I remind them and they bring it, everyone is half done with their food, and mine is only lukewarm.  Having said that, understand that Pablos is my favorite authentic Americanized Mexican cuisine--but this is the only area where they are grouped with others... all Mexican places forget my sour cream.  If fact, we visited the genuine Mexican place at Epcot... no, not the pyramid, the other one.  And guess what?  They forgot my sour cream.

By the way, Pablo's was still better.  Just sayin'.


Last time at Pablo's, they got the sour cream part right.  A bowl of the white heavenly condiment topping came out with my meal, my fish tacos ordered with "NO LETTUCE", and it was great.  However, in my tacos--Lettuce.  Tons of it.  And its mixed with the shredded cheese.  So removing the lettuce removes 94% of any cheese on the tacos. 

I didn't ask for another taco, I just went with it.  Sigh.

The company was more than satisfactory.  The dinner was satisfactory.  The lettuce was not. 


CASE 4... THE PIZZA PLACE
There's a new pizza place in town, but I'm afraid to mention it, because I don't want the following anecdote to dissuade you from going--its excellent pizza, and I will go back because it is such a good meal at a good price... so rather than call it Marco's, I'll just call it The Pizza Place.

...but never again on a Friday night.  Once again, I was sent out to retrieve dinner for The Lovely Steph Leann and Aunt Becky, and once again, it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be.  I arrived at The Pizza Place at 739p, and made my order at 746p.  Its busy, so I'm thinking that it might be a good 20 or 30 minutes before my pizza, sub and cheezybread would be ready.

Time ticks slowly by, as I hear a woman come in who has "three starving children, so can I go ahead and order cheezybread?  Please get that in, and then I'll order the pizza..." and another guy who came in and said, "Yep, I just want some cheezybread and a large pepperoni..."

I can tell, however, that things aren't going as swimmingly as it should be, as the people behind the counter seem a bit frantic.  There is a nearby restaurant that I also frequent for lunch, and the couple who run that establishment apparently are the aunt and uncle of the owner of The Pizza Place, and the uncle was there telling me how they never expected to be as busy as they are.  Their cafe is rather small, but it wasn't meant to hold a ton of people--the expectations were they would have pretty good delivery/carry out, and a cafe to hold a few patrons.

And when they started doing gangbusters, the whole staff was caught off guard. 

The aunt of the owner saw me and said hello, and asked me how long I had been waiting. I looked at the receipt, did the quick math and replied, "about 45 minutes." Then, still politely, I added, "you know, you probably should tell people it's going to be awhile for food--I probably wouldn't have ordered if I had known it would take this long."

Now, I must mention to you Brenda, across the counter. I'm sure she is a very nice lady, and I'm going to give her doubt's benefit in saying she was probably stressed, but she had the bedside manner of a wet mop. At the moment I was talking to Auntie, and giving my "truth about the wait" suggestion, I heard Brenda finish up an order on the phone by saying, "oh, it will be about 20 minutes." When Brenda hung up, Auntie said, "he's right. Don't tell people 20. You need to be saying 45 or 50."

The wait continued.  A few minutes later, the lady with the three kids who were starving came back up... "Um... we've been here for 45 minutes, and we don't even have cheezybread.  You didn't say it would take so long... my kids are still starving..." and at the same time, the dude who just wanted some cheezybread and pepperoni came up, saying, "Yeah, so we never got our bread.  Our pizza is half eaten already, so can we just cancel the bread?"

At the same time, I observed a couple who came in, and told Brenda, "We ordered our pizza an hour and 10 minutes ago for delivery... well, we only live 5 minutes away, so we figured we would just come get it."  Brenda gave a big sigh, and said, "What's your name and house number?"

Baseball players like Wes gotta eat too

Over in the corner, Major League Baseball player Wes Helms sat with a buddy.  He saw me and we both waved.  "Waiting for your pizza?" I asked.  "Yeah, man, been here for about an hour."

The one common denominator for all of these stories is simply this:  We LOVE the pizza, but didn't want to wait this long.  And its true--The Pizza Place has great pizza, so much so that we chose this on Friday over just ordering Papa John's across the street from The Cabana. 

Finally, 56 minutes after I placed my order, I was given a pizza, a sub and a box of cheezybread.  For my troubles, I was also given a good coupon for next time, a cup to get myself a refreshing beverage, and a two-liter to take home. 

In short, I waited forever, and was starving by the time I got home.  But the steak-n-cheese sub was excellent, and the pizza for Aunt Becky and The Lovely Steph Leann was great, according to them, so we were satisfied customers.

So there ya go.  Four cases of food service travails.  White people problems?  Sure.  First world problems?  Absolutely.  Blessed life troubles?  Yup.

But problems and troubles nonetheless.  I would imagine much of life's problems would be fixed, though, if they'd just include the cheesy roll-up, leave off the lettuce and warn me that my food might take almost an hour to prepare.

Oh, and leave off the sauce.

My Caylee Anthony Opinion

Alright, so here are my thoughts on the whole Casey Anthony thing.

I don't really care.

I feel bad that a baby died, be it intentional or by accident, but babies die every day by both causes, and this just happened to be one that we focused on.  I won't play the race card and tell you that I was intrigued by an opinion piece that asked, "If Caylee Anthony was black, would we care?", because truly... I don't care.  Sorry. 

I know, this sounds harsh.  I guess I hate saying "I don't care", but I know so little about the case, its hard to form an opinion one way or the other.  Since 98% of Facebook got their law degrees on the same day of the acquittal (why else would everyone else have the right answer?), it would be easy to ascertain that Casey is guilty... though a few rogue opinions say its Grandpa.  Heck, I didn't even know the baby died in a pool until after the verdict was read.  So, instead of coming late to the baby party, I figured I would just... well, not pay attention to it.  Or for lack of a better term, not care.  That's just me.

So the other night, its all kind of raining, and The Lovely Steph Leann comes in from her weekend away with Mama Ruthless, and we are both pretty hungry.  What to do?  Order a pizza!

Hop onto Papa John's online and order our pizza... now, I'm easy when it comes to pizza.  The perfect pizza for me includes four things... first, pepperoni.  Not too much, don't kill it, but some is good.  Next is mushrooms.  Next, black olives.  And its all baked atop a thick layer of extra cheese. 

We typically go the Papa John's route because its more often than not cheaper than Pizza Hut, and neither one of us are fans of Dominos.  Little Caesar's is only a choice if you are desperate, broke or at church . Or all three.

Anyway, The Lovely Steph Leann makes it easier because she is very low maintenance--she just wants cheese on it.  She used to go pepperoni, but now its just cheese.  So when I order, I get extra cheese on the whole thing, pepperoni, black olives and mushrooms on one side.  That's it, that's all, order, click, submit, and wait for the pizza to get there.

Forty five minutes later, a ding at the door tells me it has arrived.  I tossed on an overly priced 2 liter of Coke... it was $2.29, when at CVS about 1/5th of a mile away, its $1.09, but that would require me to get up, and we can't have that, can we?

The bill was just over $16, I gave the guy a 20 and told him to keep it (if that doesn't seem like a big tip, please know that I could walk to the Papa John's in about 15 minutes--and I only mention the bill and tip because this parlays into the story a little later).  I immediately walked it into the kitchen, pulled out a couple of cups, iced them, poured in some refreshing crisp Co-Cola for myself, and some lame caffeine free Co-Cola for her, took the drinks and napkins into the living room, then went back to the kitchen for pizza.

The aroma of cheese filled the air, the heat from the box emanating and warming my hands even before I touched that sacred cardboard, that holder of dinner, that box that would soon bring forth, upon opening, a cornucopia, nay, a cavalcade of wonder, flavor, fat and taste... I opened the box and immediately took a whiff of the cheese, the pepperoni, the onions...

(cue record screeching sound)

...the onions?

I glanced on the right side, and its just cheese.  Doesn't look like extra cheese, just cheese.  But on the left side... there are onions.  And peppers?  Peppers!  Peppers!!  I don't do peppers!  Peppers!  Not only do peppers infect the entire pizza with their spicy destruction, the mere presence of onions signifies so much time spent rooting and pulling out onions...

I called Papa John's immediately, was put on hold, waiting about 90 seconds, hung up, called back and predictably was put on hold again.  Finally, they came back to me, and I told them, very nicely I might add, "So, I was delivered the wrong pizza.  Wanted to call you back and let you resolve it."

Was put on hold.  Again.  Finally, a dude that sounded as if he had a little more authority came back on.  He asked my address, and I answered.  He asked me what was actually on the box that was delivered, and I replied, "Martha Calen, 1124 Inverness Cove Lane.  Not me."  He told me they'd send another one out pretty quickly.

I knew The Lovely Steph Leann was hungry, so I cut her out a piece from the cheese side of the mistake pizza... she expressed concern, but my argument was simply that they delivered the wrong pizza--surely they weren't going to take it back.  I certainly wouldn't want any pizza that had been in someone else's house... I mean, I trust us, but I don't trust strangers in strange houses.

I brought her a plate with a few pieces of cheese pizza, and sat down, awaiting the other pizza, the right pizza, to arrive.  A few minutes later, I got a phone call... from the driver.  He asked me what the box he'd delivered had printed on its front.  I told him the Inverness Cove Lane address, and he said, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I only had two on this route, yours and theirs... and I must have just grabbed the wrong one.  You mind if I swing back by?"

"I hope you don't mean to pick up the other pizza, cause... well, eew," I replied.  He said, "Naw, I was just going to drop this one by."

Now, I know mistakes can be made, and certainly it is to be expected that anyone delivering a few dozen pizzas night after night is bound to make a mistake.  But at the same time, I did pay for my pizza, and I wanted it to be as hot as possible, and by this time, it had been at least 30 to 40 minutes since he'd dropped off the wrong pizza.  Meaning my pizza had been in his car for at least 50 minutes, maybe an hour.

"Well, that's fine, but I already called Papa John's and they are supposed to send us another pizza."  Got a "Oh" on the other end.

A little while later, our delivery guy showed up and rang the doorbell.  When I opened the door, he just kinda tossed it at me, said, "Here ya go, no charge," and walked off.  I actually cannot be positive it was the same guy, he was gone so fast.  I closed the door, and The Lovely Steph Leann looked up.

"I would sure hope its free," she remarked. 

So, dinner was finally here, and it was tasty. 

You may not care much about my pizza story, but I really didn't want to talk about Caylee Anthony.  Partly because I know so little about the case...

...and partly because... well, I don't care.  Does this make me a bad person?  Hope not.

The Summer of Blogging Day Thirty Six

The Subway Fresh Conversation

Walking into Subway, wanting to eat fresh, picking up a sandwich for myself and for my awesome manager...

Habeeb, in broken English:  Can I help you, sir?
Me: Yes, I need to get two sandwiches.

Habeeb, in broken English:  Yes, what two sandwiches would you like sir?
Me:  I need to get two sandwiches, both are six inch.  One is turkey on white, the other is chicken on parmesan oregano

Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, turkey. Foot long or six inch?
Me:  Six inch.  They are both six inch subs

Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, turkey on six inch.  What bread?
Me: White

Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, cheecken?  Foot long?
Me:  Six inch.  Parmesan oregano bread

Habeeb, in broken English:  Turkey on white, cheecken on oregano.  Both six inch?
Me:  Yes, both six inch.

Habeeb gets bread and cuts.  He places chicken on one bread, turkey on the other.

Habeeb, in broken English:   Cheese?
Me: Yes, please.  Cheddar on both, please, and both toasted.
Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, cheddar cheese.

Habeeb places cheddar cheese on the turkey.

Habeeb, in broken English:  Cheese on other?  What kind?
Me:  Cheddar.  On that one too.

Habeeb, in broken English:  You want toasted? 
Me:  Yes, please.  Both of them.

Habeeb, in broken English:  Cheecken toastes.  You want turkey toasted?
Me:  Yes, please.  Both of them.

Habeeb places both sandwiches in oven for 15 seconds.  Both sandwiches come out, looking fresh. 

Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, what on turkey?
Me, speaking each ingredient slowly so as to allow him time to build the sandwich:  Mustard... Lettuce... Tomato... Banana Peppers... Oil & Vinegar

Habeeb, places all these things on the turkey sandwich.  I cringe as the same gloves used to pick up banana peppers with the juice dripping off are now placed on my own chicken sandwich.

Habeeb, in broken English:  Okay, what on cheecken?
Me:  Mustard...

I watch as Habeeb uses an almost empty bottle of mustard to squeeze a blob of mustard onto one end of the sandwich, accompanied by that farting noise an empty bottle is wont to make.

Me:  Mayo

I watch as Habeeb uses an overly full mayo bottle to squeeze out a line of mayo, from one end of the sandwich to the other, a line that looks about two inches wide.

Me:  A little bit of ranch

I watch as Habeeb squeezes the ranch bottle a little too tightly, giving an enormous amount of ranch on one side, then realizing his mistake, he uses just a trickle to cover the other five inches

Me:  Black olives

I watch as Habeeb grabs a few pieces of black olives and drops them right in the middle of the sandwich.

Me:  Would you mind adding just a few more?  Thank you.

I watch as Habeeb now grabs a handful and covers 94% of the sandwich in a inch and a half thick layer of black olives.

Me:  And just a few pickles

I watch as Habeeb then grabs all the pickles his hand will hold, and drops them onto my sandwich.  He's been burned already by having to go back to the black olive well, he's bound and determined to make this single pickle allotment the only pickle allotment needed.

Me:  And that's all. 

I watch as Habeeb folds my sandwich, using gloves that are drenched with banana peppers and black olive juice and pickle droppings.

Me:  Okay, just make one sandwich into a combo, if you don't mind.  Thanks.

Pause

Habeeb, in broken English, now standing at the register: Okay, what sandwiches you have again?

Anybody else? 

The Summer of Blogging Day Twenty Six