Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Idols Do the 50s

So here we are at American Idol again… Steph is watching it with me this time, so it will be interesting how much she drools over Ace, and how she snaps at me for drooling over My Girl McPhee (which, in that dress, might be a little)

Taylor has a blue coat on. Interesting. Tonight the show is 50s themed, so this should also be interesting.

Did you know Barry Manilow’s latest cd went #1 on Billboard? I mean, above Fitty, Kelly Clarkson, Gwen and others… at number freakin’ one. Anyway, I mention this because he worked with the Idols this week on the 50s songs they chose to sing.

Mandisa is first on the list. She’s singing “I Don’t Hurt Anymore” by Diana Washington. Very sultry, very swanky. She’s got the Aretha look down pat, too. Complete with the big ending, Steph says “Pretty cool.” Randy is speechless, cause he loved it. He says “Y’all gotta bring it tonight, Mandisa set the mark!”. Paula is rambling, as usual. And she called her a horse. Simon says “You are blossoming… it was like a great stripper song—I absolutely loved it.” I liked it too. Steph says “You look at her, you don’t think she’s that fat… then they pan down.” And Ryan just said “Bling.” Kill me.

I’m actually considering watching “Unanimous” on Fox. Am I bad person?

Bucky… Bucky… is doing “Oh Boy” from Buddy Holly & the Crickets, and is getting a different arrangement from Barry Manilow. This is considered a cool thing, right? And Bucky has his hair down again, like the Jessica Simpson look. Without the big boobs and stupid expression (Bucky has his own). He’s countrified the song totally… not a fan. Steph says “Eh. Wasn’t bad.” I would say “Eh. Wasn’t good.” Randy’s all about it, though. Paula loved it, as usual. Both agree a good choice of song. Simon’s reality check? “Nothing more than a pointless karaoke performance.” I totally agree. And both Steph & I agree that Paula claps like a seal.

Steph commented that Barry Manilow has had so much Botox, his face doesn’t move. No expressions. I concur. His face is frozen in time.

Paris is singing “Fever”, from Peggy Lee. I really don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t want to like Paris.

Crap. After that performance, I think I like Paris. Darn it to heck.

Daughtry is up next… and he’s doing “Walk the Line”. I am looking forward to this… Steph is right… nothing about Barry Manilow’s top lip moves. And Chris is rocking out the Johnny Cash song, with his own version—and its awesome. He’s successfully turned a fun Johnny Cash song into an Emo rock ballad… Steph liked it (“…but he was too low with it to begin with…”). However, I loved it. Randy didn’t necessarily love the vocals, but loved the way Daughtry did it. Paula tells the 1,000th Idol “you are true to who you are, and I love that.” Simon agreed with Randy… and added “you are the first artist on this show who refuses to compromise.”

And here’s My Girl McPhee (whom Steph likes better than Pickles—lately, I’d agree). She’s singing Ella Fitzgerald’s “Come Rain or Come Shine”

Sidebar: I had a chance to go see Barry Manilow a few years ago, for $6 per ticket (they had extra nosebleed seats) but I couldn’t find anyone who could… or would… go. When I relayed this story at Starbucks, Seth, one of my co-workers, said “I’d probably pay more than $6 to NOT have to see Barry Manilow.”

Anyway, back to My Girl McPhee… I like the music. I think she’s doing well. Not blowing me away, but satisfying enough to make me enjoy her. Steph says “I think I’d like her dress… if it were different.” I think it sounded great, and Randy agrees with me. “You took a really tough song… and dude, you worked it OUT.” Paula loves her, as usual. Just saw a sign that says “Call a Doctor, I have McPheever.” Maybe that’s my problem. Simon says “Tonight you turned into a star.” Oh, My Girl, McPhee, you’ve been a star for me since you began. She just discussed her double sided tape with Ryan, and jiggled a little by accident. Um, no comment.

Taylor Hicks is coming up now. He’s singing “Not Fade Away” by Buddy Holly. I love watching this guy sing. He’s got the blue blazer working, that leg swinging, hips jiggling… not the same jiggle as My Girl McPhee, but just as fun all the same. He’s jamming with the sax player too. Steph & I both agree he kinda looks like he has to pee. Steph liked it. Randy says “don’t know if it was much of a challenge, but you worked it OUT”. Paula loved it. Of course. Simon says “Sorry, but… it was a complete mess.” I don’t think it was a mess, but it wasn’t Taylor’s best—but I like him just the same.

So, Lisa Turtle is up next now… remember, she was in the bottom three last week. She’s singing “Why Do Fools Fall In Love” by Frankie Lymon, I think. She’s got great hair, I must say. Very 1980’s Whitney Houston “I Wanna Dance With Someone”, only darker and real. You know, with 50s music mostly being around 2 to 2 ½ minutes long, I’d almost them rather sing the whole songs and cut out the Barry Manilow clips. Randy says “Good song choice, but just aight for me.” Paula loved it. Of course. Simon says “Just okay”. Steph & I both agree. Eh.

Chicken Little, singing “When I Fall in Love”. Chicken says “I want to experience love one day, and hopefully it will last forever.”

My buddy Katy says this: I CAN’T STAND HIM. WHY WHY WHY was he in the final 24?!!!!???!!! Why? This is ridiculous. He won’t win. He won’t. And he has officially turned into my Scott Sovol of 2006. The boy who won’t go away. The boy who think’s he’s sooo hot. Is he 7 years old?

I just realized how pronounced his lisp is… and its not that a lisp is a bad thing—but not for Chicken Little. And his version of this song makes me have to pee. And speaking of Idols that should have never made it past the Top, I don’t know, 150… they just showed Jasmine Trias in the audience. Randy liked it. Paula loved it. Of course. Simon says “Kevin… I like you. You know who your audience is [9 year old girls and 60 year old mawmaws] and they’ll love you.” Steph liked it okay… I think he sucked crap. As usual.

Elliott Yahmean is about to sing now. With facial hair and all… and he admits that he wasn’t a big Barry fan to begin with, but now he’s a Fanilow. Yes, I said Fanilow. The Grateful Dead have Deadheads, Clay Aiken has the Claymates, The Deuce has the world, Barry Manilow has Fanilows.

Back to Elliott… he’s singing “Teach Me Tonight” by someone I didn’t catch. No doubt Yahmean’s got a voice, he’s just got this jacked up look with a second row of teeth on the bottom. Okay… sing the word “You”, and as you sing that one word, shake your face around so your cheeks jiggle, like Taylor and My Girl McPhee, only different. That would be Elliot tonight.

Speaking of someone you won’t remember after this season, they just showed Lindsay Cardinele.

Randy liked Elliott. Paula loved him. Of course. Simon says “Your singing? Fantastic.” Again, good voice. Trailer park appearance.

And here comes Pickles… singing “Walkin’ After Midnight” from Patsy Cline. And for you youngsters (probably half my audience, meaning 2 of you), let me just tell you Patsy is HARD to sing. I’m curious as to how much longer the “dumb blonde” is going to be cute before it becomes irritating, not just to me but to the voting public. Pickles looks like she stuck her face in a Mary Kay box and shook it… waaaaay too much make-up. The fact that Paula is clapping along means nothing—she claps to the Idol bumper music, I’m sure.

Anyway, Pickles did pretty good—not great, but not bad. She did the song justice, methinks. Randy really liked it. Paula called her not a minx, but a Tigeress. And loved it. Of course. Simon liked it a lot too. Steph liked it, as did I.

And finally, here comes Steph’s man Ace with the Ace Hair. Yes, my wife Stephanie is an Ace Highroller, and Ace is singing a jazzy rendition of “In the Still of the Night”, which could totally work—or backfire.

If I were gay, I don’t know that I’d be hot for Ace. Daughtry maybe. Did I say that? Steph liked it, saying “I’ll be Paula Abdul—its one of his best ones” (then she clapped like a seal.). Ace has like, fifty teeth in view when he smiles. Randy liked it. Paula loved it, of course, but this time using words like “sexy” and “sultry”. Simon, being honest (and right) said it wasn’t the best… but he liked it. Ace Highroller Steph says “Yay Ace.”

My prediction for the bottom three: Bucky, Lisa Turtle and Chicken Little... with Bucky going home.
Steph's prediction for the bottom three: Bucky, Lisa Turtle and Chicken Little... with Lisa Turtle going home.

We'll see in a minute...

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