Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Idol Results and Other Quandries

So Jessica Hawbaker got her bracket in, so she's at 10 points right now with the other leaders. I'll be updating off and on all day tomorrow as the games start.
So, here I am, watching the Idol result show. Am I obsessed? Yeah, probably.

8:02pm... Just watched

8:08pm... Is anyone at the same time intrigued, yet repulsed by Fox's new series "Unanimous"? A bunch of people in the same house, where one person wins $1.5 million dollars if the rest of the group unanimously agrees to give it to them. Wait, did I just agree to like this show? Someone... kill me. Send me Home.

8:09pm... Oh geez. I just watched the first in what will be a series of Ford commercials, featuring all the Idols. Chris was on guitar, in a campfire scene where the cast sings "All I Want" from Toad the Wet Sprocket. Very sad.

8:13pm... Stevie Wonder is now singing a song from his new album "A Time 2 Love". The Idols are on the side clapping along. Is it possible that they were threatened with expulsion if they didn't act like they were having a good time? Of course, I like this better than two seasons ago, when they had special guest judges Ashford & Simpson. I mean, was David Hasselhoff or Peter Frampton really that busy?

8:15pm... "Okay, Idols... I don't care if he belches and farts in the microphone... you clap and cheer like your life depended on it."

8:16pm... The three people who have the lowest number of votes... my guess? Steph's man Ace with the Ace Hair is in the bottom 3.. over Chicken Little.

8:17pm... Ace looks like someone told him "Um, Ace... you're not pretty." The rest of the cast, including the judges, are just stone faced... who knew?

8:19pm... How could Peter Gabriel sell out "Solsbury Hill" for a Cingular commercial? Is there nothing sacred?

Sidebar: So I'm watching the blog counter as I type and refresh--its not going up because I'm refreshing, which means someone is following along as I type this. Its happened a few times. If I truly do have fans out there, besides Jaci who loves me (this I know), you should comment sometime. Unless you think I suck. Then don't come back. =)

8:22pm... Steph's man Ace with the Ace Hair wearing a shirt that says "God Rocked Out". I don't know what to think about that.

8:23pm... Paris is safe (I don't want to like her)... Pickles, looking just adorable, is safe... T-Hicks will live to bend another day... how can Chris not be safe? (he is)... Now to Melissa, who should be in the bottom three...

8:24pm... Now to Eliott Yahmean... one of these is in the bottom three. And I was right--its Melissa. REMEMBER YOUR WORDS, CHICK.

8:24pm... Mandisa is safe (duh)... My Girl McPhee had better be safe... and she is. I didnt want to have to pimpslap someone.

8:24pm... Lisa Turtle and Bucky... Bucky. One will be in the bottom three (I'm guessing Bucky)

8:25pm... AND ITS LISA TURTLE?!?!?!

8:26pm... Ace looks stunned. The judges look stunned. The other safe Idols look stunned. I'm a little surprised that Lisa Turtle is up there.

8:27pm... So, Teen Vogue says that Fox's new show "The Loop" is "...a season must-see". Boy, let me drop what I'm doing now for this show.

8:28pm... Ryan just sent Steph's man Ace with the Ace Hair back to the bleachers to the other Idols.

8:28pm... Yeah, Chicken Little is trying to look mortified that he wasn't in there, but as the self-proclaimed Sex Symbol, he's pretty happy.

8:29pm... And Lisa Turtle is safe. I missed 2/3rds of the bottom three, but I got Melissa's exit exactly right.

8:30pm... When they show any montages of people screwing up, they always play Daniel Powter's "Bad Day". And during her montage, they are playing it now. How funny is this? "Yes, Melissa, our anthem for sucking is your song for leaving".

8:31pm... She's going to sing "Lately" again... will she hope her premontion misses, not her recognition?

8:31pm... Doesn't matter. Fox cut her off to quickly go to "The Loop". Not only did they NEVER show her in the auditions, they don't even give her a proper send off. Thats kinda funny.


I just turned to Vh1. Remember the song "Gonna Make You Sweat", but C&C Music Factory, and that chick that screamed "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW"? She was all thin then. She's biiiiiiig now. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, this is the top dance songs of all time. And Paula Abdul is the host... and she's so reading the cue cards with the total "I'm here, I'm cashing my check, I'm going home and I don't give a rip" face.

If ever there was time to assemble Hal Sparks, Mo Rocca, MIchael Ian Black, Patrice O'Neal and Racheal Harris, it would be for the Best Dance Songs ever, especially since most of them are from the 70s.

Just saw a commercial for the new season of Hogan Knows Best, where he's looking at feminine products. You know, the words "Dry Weave" and "Tampax with Pearls" should never come out of some mouths... The Rock. Sammy Jackson. Sean Connery. Hulk Hogan. I'm sad now.
And I'm not sure there has ever been a movie I've wanted to see less than my desire to see "Failure to Launch", with Matt McConaughy and Sarah Jess Parker. Not to mention that I have never thought SJP was even pretty, or even cute, I don't want to see Terry Bradshaw in anything unless he's parodying himself, like in Cannonball Run.
Not only is E! Channel showing "101 Celebrity Slimdowns", its being hosted by Carnie Wilson. I weep for this nation.

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