Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Kip Comes to Jacksonville's Idol

Welcome to another late night of American Idol... I is your host, d$, here at The Clouds in My Coffee Blog, ready to give you the running tally of winners, losers and those off to Hollywood. Tonight, we broadcast from Jacksonville, Florida... do you know that per area, Jacksonville is the largest city in America? From what I've heard, its also one of the most boring, but I've never been there (seen it as I drove around it on the interstate). Anyway...




We see a flashback to the band Journey, showing Randy Jackson onstage... Paula Maddox would be proud, Steve Perry lover that she might be. Or is. Of course, the Journey song they choose to play over the video is "Don't Stop Believin'". My personal favorite? "Separate Ways". "Some day love will find you, break those chains that bind you, one night will..."

Wait, we're starting!

Here's a guy, up first, who is proud of being compared to Justin Giarini. Guarini. Whatever, who cares. He's going to take on Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On". Joshua is the guys name, but it doesn't matter what his last name is, cause he sucks. Entirely.

Got a note from Mindy D'A who told me that some guy on this show reminds her of Kip from "Napoleon Dynamite", so I'm looking forward to that!

And... he gets a yes. What? What? He will be that guy that screws up the trio performance and blows it for two other people.

Sharon Wilber brought her Shi'Tzu dog, Sasha. Sharon is a looker... she passes off the dog to Simon, and will sing "Superstar" by The Carpenters. If The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she'd be on alert, as The Carpenters might fall into her Top Ten Of Freakin' Everything, if she had such a list.

She sounded a little like Britney Spears on that audition, Simon and Randy say yes, Paula and Kara mock kiss each other, Kara pulls up her probably-too-low-but-not-really-for-me-okay-yes-too-low dress, and Sharon goes through. Welcome to American Idol, Season VIII.

We go off to break, and we come back from break... Ryan Seacrest is touring Amelia Island, just outside of Jacksonville, in a golf cart, he says, "While I'm fighting gnats, Dana Moreno is fighting a losing battle with Chaka Khan."

Oh, how right Seacrest is... this chick just hit some notes that actually cause some of the paint in the living room of The Cabana to peel back. How will I explain this to The Lovely Steph Leann? Wow. Simon gives her some direction... out of the room.

Anita Baker's "Rapture", a tall order for 16 year old Kaneswa Finnie, but she's full of confidence. And from the first "bum bum", you know... its terrible. Idol was actually building her up to be pretty good... and wow. I almost grabbed the blanket and held it over my own face, in The Lovely Steph Leann's honor. That was simply terrible.

Simon calls Kaneswa's mom in, and drills her about how bad her singing is. Simon is wrong, of course. Mom says, "She's my American Idol!" And she can have her.

Julissa is Miss Florida Latina USA. I wonder if they have Latina USA contests in like, say, North Dakota, or Idaho? If I'm a 19 year old Latina hottie with aspirations of being in Miss Latina USA, I'm totally going to Montana, where there can't be that many (legal) Mexican hot chicks. The competition is probably a lot less fierce than, say, Texas or California. And yes, I just typed "If I'm a 19 year old Latina hottie..."

Anyway... Julissa is taking on Whitney's "I Have Nothing", one of those that you should never, ever, ever, never sing. And she doesn't do too bad... but her laughter? Awful. She has this gawd-awful heh-heh-heh going on. Paula gets offended at Simon and Randy, Paula walks out, Kara looks on in confusion, she comes back, Julissa reappears, Randy says yes, Paula says yes, Kara says yes, Simon reluctantly says yes. And everything that I typed just now was happening right as I was typing it. My fingers are out of breath.

Darin Darnell, a perfectly goofy stage name, is all about dancing, meeting people, bouncing around the room and is being built up to be...well as this show is progressing, who knows. When Darren's friend gets cut, he suddenly is unsure of everything. Confidence is gone.

Boyz II Men's "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye" is his song... aw, its my class song. A song about death. Darin just took a song about death, and killed it. Is that even possible? If Nate, Mike, Shawn and Wanya (the members of Boyz II Men, to those of you under 25... you know, ABC, BBD, the East Coast Family... three points to whoever can tell me ABC and BBD stand for!)

Oh, they cut Darin.

Here's the montage of tears. Naomi Sykes is the final contestant of Day One. I like that name, Naomi. What about Naomi Dollar as a 2nd daughter's name? Naomi goes on and on about her best friend who wants to meet Randy, the friend comes in, and she ends up sitting on Randy's lap. Naomi is going to sing "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton, known for a high note that has, at last count, killed 32 dogs over the decades.

Seacrest is in Kara's lap, Paula is in Simon's lap and Naomi just kicked Minnie Riperton in the face. Seriously. Naomi says the immortal line, "Everyone tells me I'm great." When Simon says, "Are you serious?", she cries. She then laments, outside, that she doesn't know what she did wrong. How about muck up a song that was already bad enough?

Nine people get golden tickets on Day One.

We move to the next day, and 16 year old Jasmine comes in. She hails from Starkville, Mississippi, and is going to take on "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Rock it baby, rock it... she did really great! Does it tell my age that when she said she was singing "Big Girls Don't Cry", I automatically thought of Frankie Valli's version in "Dirty Dancing"? Oh, Jasmine gets through.

George Ramirez is an FSU student who is studying physics. He must be smart to study physics, but he goes to Florida State, so he can't be that smart... ha! Jokes!

This might be the guy who Mindy D'A has compared to Kip. And she's totally right. He really should be singing "Yeees, I love technology... but not as much as you, you see..." George admits he has never sung in public, just around his friends. That was a strange, strange audition.

Anne Marie Boskovich flatters Kara by telling her how much she loved her singing. She sings a little bit, and they tell her to come back later and be "another person", or to be herself. They don't feel like she's a superstar just yet.

TK is back from last year's audition, ready to try again. "Imagine" is a hard to sing, but TK pulls it off. And he's putting his own spin on it, which is always good (see: Cook, David) and doing quite well with it. They tell him he was a little over the top, but they send him through by a 3 to 1 margin, with Simon dissenting.

There's a great montage of various family members, telling the cameras how great their own kids are. Michael Perrelli has a backstory, something we didn't have much of tonight! He learns that he can't play his guitar in the audition, and starts crying. Literally starts crying.

"Jumper" by Third Eye Blind is his song of choice. He doesn't do a terrible job, but not great. Simon says that Michael would struggle in the competition, and Kara nails it--she knows he needs the guitar.

Simon tries to tell him to start a band, be better, and when he starts crying, Simon says, "You're getting on my nerves". Tough times! And outside, he's still crying. Holy crap. Have a spine, suck it up.

Anne Marie comes back, has better hair, a new outfit, found a makeup artist. "Bubbly" is her song, and she does great with it. Randy says yes. Kara says yes, Paula says yes, Simon sends her to Hollywood.

Sixteen tickets came out of the Jacksonville auditions, meaning only 7 made it on Day Two. Wow, harsh judges!

Montage of everyone, good and bad, trying to sing "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina & the Waves. Even Kip, er, George, sings a little bit.

What's amazing to me is how there is an entire stadium of people try out, and SEVEN make it.

Tomorrow night, I think it might be the last of the audition episodes, this time from Mormontown USA, that being Salt Lake City! Make sure you read the blog to see who makes it, who doesn't, and if Simon or Randy pick up a few wives each!


  1. Thanks for the nod. You were right - George was a deplorable 2nd place to Kip in Napoleon Dynamite. Interesting segue to Wednesday night in SLC, right. Cause aren't most of those Napoleon Dynamite kids Mormon? It (SLC) really is a beautiful place, if you just look at it geographically.
    I'm missing Wednesday night's show to go to a Geek Girl event. Ironic? I don't think so. :)

  2. Ok, so I was pretty upset at that poor girl that sang the Carpenter's version of Superstar. What a nightmare! After all this time, the Carpenter's get credit for a song (btw, there have been several Carpenter's songs on Idol), and it's with a girl who sings "baby" about 6 different ways, all through her nose.


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