Idol: The Year of the Cook

It's another week of Idol, after missing last week (you can figure out where we were instead by clicking here). Even though I didn't blog about it, I did get to see last week's horrendous Beatles butcherings (after the first week of magic), and I was fortunate enough to see Simba get the boot.

As for now...

They made their way into the Top 10, and into the tour. Now, can they make their way to the top of American Idol?

This.

Is American Idol.

Tonight's theme is "Songs from the Year You Were Born", which means Young David Archuleta is picking from... 1990. Like, 17 years ago. Like, when I was a sophomore in high school.

Ramiele Malubay
Singing from 1987, the video shows her parents, who might be from Al-Queda.

Oh no. She's singing Heart's "Alone". Oh no. This will be compared to Carrie Underwood's masterpiece of this song a few years ago. The Lovely Steph Leann, who loves her some Heart, says, "This might not be as bad as I thought she wou... wait, yeah, she's really bad."

This is terrible. J Rob looks at me. "I'm not feeling this at all."

The Lovely Steph Leann adds, "She's wearing off the shoulder, with a strap. And that's not what was popular in the 80s.

I was going to post a video of Heart singing "Alone", for the benefit of people like KT or Scotty Latta to see the brilliance that is under that big hair, but I still can't figure out how to embed videos from YouTube. Anyone?

Randy says it wasn't the right song. Carly did this earlier in the season, much, much better. Paula tries to find something positive to say, and finds some sunshine buried down deep. Simon says he didn't think it was as bad as Randy says, but it was shrieky.

Jason interprets what Simon says, "You suck, but people like you enough that you'll fly under the radar."

The Lovely Steph Leann declares Lil' Ramy this year's Jasmine Trias, who was a Top 3'er that deserved only to be a Top 15'er in Season Three. Latoya London and Jennifer Hudson went hom before Jasmine.

On a sidenote, surprisingly, they are doing the songwriting contest again. This is the same contest that gets us "This is My Now". I'm just sayin'.

Jason Castro
He's singing from 1987 as well. The Lovely Steph Leann says he's kinda hot, but not in a Colin Firth Club kind of way. KT still thinks he looks retarded.

His take is Sting's "Fragile", a song I'm not familiar with. The Dreadlocked One is with guitar, and both KT and J Rob says he looks Princess Leia-ish with his hair done like its done.

By the way, The Lovely Steph Leann gots her hair did tonight, and it looks great. Just so you know.

And even after last week's French disaster, he's singing foreign language again, this time Spanish.

Randy declares this song one of his favorites, which I'm beginning to understand Randy has about 12,833,499,228 favorite songs. Every song is one of his favorite songs. Paula blows sunshine, but still kinda disses him on the "wow" factor. Simon says this is the second bad week in a row, and that its time for The Dreadlocked One to take it more serious.

He says, "I guess I could spend a little more time practicing if I'm going to do this..." He looks like he played outside the subway last week in New York.

Syesha Mercado
The Black Julia Stiles was born in 1987 as well... is this '87 Idol?

Tonight, she's singing "If I Were Your Woman", another song I'm not sure I know much about. The good thing is, she's back to the 'fro, and that means she has a real shot at killin' it tonight.

The Lovely Steph Leann points out that with Syesha's 'fro, its almost a Hidden Mickey. The Black Julia Styles is belting it out, sounding great. My favorite of the three thusfar.

Even Jason thought it was good.

Randy says it was her best performance to date, and it was stellar. Paula is backing up a dumptruck of sunshine, ready to dump on Syesha, somehow calling her "dark" and a "horse." And Simon didnt think it was as good as Randy says. I thought it was great.

CheezyDeezy
The other black person in the show, born in 1985. I was ten. His mom's name is Chika. I don't even have a joke here... yes I do, I just can't decide which one of the dozens in my head.

"Its Only For One Night" is the song of choice, yet ANOTHER song I don't know. What the heck? Am I that igernent on music of the 80s?

I do like CheezyDeezy, cause he sounds like Luther Vandross, and he's singing to the chicks in the audience. I think there has been two or three kids concieved in this last few minutes, due to CheezyDeezy.

Randy says that CheezyDeezy sounds like of old fashioned, and not "hip and cool" like Syesha made hers. Paula disagrees, of course. She says CheezyDeezy is a good throwback, which is funny, because Paula talking is like a good throwup. Simon said it was sung well, but the performance was very cheesy (deezy).

By the way, its a Brenda Russell, who sings my #3 song of all time, "Piano in the Dark", featuring Joe Esposito on piano, from 1988.

Brooke White
My Next American Idol was born in 1983, and she's taking on "Every Breath You Take". For once, her hair is gorgeous, according to KT (which, she's right). On piano, My Next American Idol Brooke White starts out... poorly.

Actually, she just had a little blurp at the beginning, but immediately picked up right after. And she sounds awesome... truly awesome. KT and J Rob both aren't fans. They don't know talent.

Randy liked it just okay, not a fan of the arrangement towards the end. Paula liked it much better. Sunshine. Its blown. Simon agrees with Randy, saying that My Next American Idol Brooke White should've stayed on piano only, with the band not coming in.

They actually liked the fact she messed up and corrected herself professionally at the beginning.

Michael Johns
Born 1978, down in Australia, perhaps we'll hear some 70s rock. Or maybe disco. That would be funny.

Crocomichael Johndee is taking on "We Will Rock You" and since Ryan said "two for the price of one", I'm wondering if he'll transition into "We Are the Champions"... which he does.

For the record, you should never, ever hear "We Will Rock You" unless its followed by "We Are the Champions" immediately. It's like playing the radio-friendly, three verse version of "Lyin Eyes" or the four verse version of "American Pie". Its unacceptable. All or nothing, take it or leave it. This goes for you, Magic 96.5 and Hits 101.1.

Randy says "Finally! You use that big voice!" He declares it the best for Aussie Michael this season. Paula declares it "your shining moment". Simon says he finally saw star-potential, and that he just got it right.

Aussie Michael has been trying to recover his magic since Hollywood Week's "Bohemian Rhapsody", and finally, he did it.

Carly Smithson
Born in Dublin, she came into the world in 1983. Here mom's name is Mary Murray, and Carly's name comes from Carly Simon, who was playing on the radio when they were headed to the hospital during labor.

Carly has a big voice. J Rob says she should sing with The Cranberries.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" is the song tonight. Can Carly take on The Immortal Bonnie Tyler? By the way, this is one of my 100 favorite songs. Ever.

She looks great on stage, though she looks like she's grinding with no one behind her. But she sounds just awesome. Could be one of my favorites of the night... until that last note. Ow. The Lovely Steph Leann is covering her eyes, KT her ears and Jason his mouth.

Randy didn't like the song choice, though I totally disagree... that's the perfect song for Carly. Paula blabbers for two minutes. And she says absolutely, postively nothing. Simon says it was decent, but that she seemed too intense and wound up... it might be the dress.

David Archuleta
Young David was born in 1990. We've been over this already. I was 15, in 10th grade, in like with Stephanie Phillips, and living the high life in Samson. They are showing some video of Younger David dancing as a kid, which means I was graduating high school at the time.

With "You're the Voice", another seemingly inspirational song. First, "Imagine", the "Another Day in Paradise", now this... is he going to do an entire album of "Songs To Make You Feel Good About Yourself"?

Rebecca St. James did a Christian spin on this song on her incredible album "God", her best ever. One of my favorite 10 Christian albums ever.

Randy says that it was a strange song choice, but he worked it out. Paula blows sunshine. Simon didn't like the performance at all, sounding very theme parky. He actually uses the word "ghastly" in his description.

J Rob says Young David looks like he stepped out of a Toon Disney show.

Kristy Lee Cook
Born in Seattle, Washington, KLC was born in 1984. Pictures of her as a teenager makes her look like she had hot potential, though I don't know what happened exactly. Excuse me, Chris Hanson is at the door.

She's singing "God Bless the USA", a take on Lee Greenwood's megahit. J Rob starts laughing. KT says this is a fireworks song. The Lovely Steph Leann laments that the stupid "mosh pit", the giggly teenagers in the very front, can't even wave their arms the same way.

They do this song in the "frickin' laser" show. And through all this, KLC is taking a big crap on this song. Lee Greenwood is beating his wife because of this performance, and the people at Stone Mountain are angered that this song has disgraced their laser performance.

Randy liked it. Paula says, "Its okay, but I've seen better from you." When? She sucks! Simon says it was her best performance by a mile. And he actually says, "It was the most clever song I've seen performed on this show in years..." and he even name drops Lee Greenwood.

Perhaps I am just completely tone deaf, because that was really crappy.

David Cook
In 1982, David Rob Thomas Cook popped out with a massive head--we just saw pictures. And he's taking on Michael Jackson...

"Billie Jean" is the song of choice... you know, he's right up there with My Next American Idol Brooke White as my favorite. He turned it into just a ballad, with a slow guitar behind it. This is just awesome. Seriously.

This is his Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name" performance... add it to "Hello" and "Daytrippers" and he's working on an entire album of American Idol performances... and I would buy it.

Randy says David Rob Thomas Cook is the one to win the whole lot, on "that joint right there". Paula is standing up for her sunshine. She offers him her official hotel key. Simon says that was "truly brave. It could have been insane or amazing... and it was amazing."

Jason declares David Rob Thomas Cook his next American Idol.

So running down the night... David Rob Thomas Cook takes the cake, followed closely by Aussie Michael, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Irish Carly, CheezyDeezy, Syesha Mercado, Young David, then KLC, and finally Lil' Ramy.