THIS IS
THE AMERICAN
IDOL
FINALS!!!!!
As I was typing, the show spends about 90 seconds doing a quick "This night will end differently for the two finalists" video, and it jumps immediately into a group song. I pause it so I can fast forward as soon as I'm done typing, but The Lovely Steph Leann insists we watch it.
So we see the Idols, dressed all in white, singing some "Runaway Baby" song, while a couple of gay dudes in black do acrobatics all over the stage. Glad we waited for this.
Finally, she says, "I don't understand this. Whenever you are ready, we can fast forward through this." And I quickly do.
908p... Here come the judges, and here comes Seacrusty! He tells us that a staggering 566 billion votes came through last night, and that was just from Delaware! Unbelievable.
910p... P2 and J-Sanch come out, and I wonder if they were backstage watching the group song, and saying to each other, "Thank the maker we didn't have to do that crap...
910p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
911p... Phillp2 is on stage with CCR's John Fogerty, singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain". Hey audience, raise your hand if you've ever heard of either Creedence Clearwater Revival OR John Fogerty? Yeah, thats what I thought.
911p... Fast Forward through P2 and Fogerty
912p... Blooper reel! Including one chick who's singing was so screechy, Campbell just cried out.
 |
| Remember me!? I'm Season 3's fifth place finisher, George Huff!! |
917p... And he brings out Fantasia. Fast Forward.
917p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
918p... Campbell Fussy Break
920p... Video with Jimmy Iovine and the judges, especially how he confuses the names "Jessica" and "Jennifer" over and over, even saying "Josh-icca"...
922p... Fast Forward through the Ladies Group song, with special guest Chaka Khan
923p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
924p... Fast Forward through final Ford Music Video of the season... I missed them ALL! I RULE!!!
924p... Phillip2 and J-Sanch are giving away Ford Escapes to two dudes in the audience. And then Seacrusty gives the Idols each a Ford Fusion. I think the dudes got the better end of that.
925p... Rihanna!
925p... Fast Forward through Rihanna!
925p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
926p... And now, its Little Skylar Laine, doing her country thing. And of course, Reba McEntire joins her. Why wouldn't she?
926p... Fast Forward through Little Skylar Laine and Reba
927p... Video of Creepy Uncle Steven and his "dressing room", adorned with a sign that says "All Who Enter Here Must Surrender the Booty"
928p... I think I just caught hepititus B while watching that.
928p... Campbell Fussy Break
931p... Fast Forward through J-Sanch doing her "I Will Always Love You" from earlier this year
932p... Fast Forward through the Guys Group song
933p... Stop when I see Neil Diamond come out, if only because they are singing "Sweet Caroline", and everyone is required to go "bah bah bah!" during that tune. Its just part of Americana.
934p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
935p... A video on Randy the Dawg and his amazing original one-liners... like, Randy the Dawg saying "You could sing the phone book" about nine times in a row, to nine different Idols. And so, naturally, we see the Idols holding the Yellow Pages, and yes, they are singing stuff out of the phone book. This is a group song I'll watch. Even D'Crappensuck was funny and well placed in this piece.
937p... Randy the Dawg now introduces Jennifer Lopez to the stage. Fast Forward.
939p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
 |
| Congrats to Ace and Diana |
941p... Dim the Lights, here we go! He proposes!!!! SHE SAYS YES!
942p... Now THAT was an Idol moment. Awesome.
942p... Will.I.Am (you know, from Fergie!) says this chick was awesome... and she is... here is Hollie Cavanagh! And Jordin Sparks, minus, like, 89 pounds!
944p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
944p... Seacrusty mentions the death of Robin Gibb, and deservedly so. And the Guys Group comes out, and I hit the --> button.
 |
| Randy Watson, the lead singer of Sexual Chocolate, with The Reverend Brown. Put a fluffy wig on the reverend, take off that 'stache, and its a pretty close take on Jennifer Holliday. |
948p... At one point, J-Sanch just stops singing and shakes her head. Jennifer Holliday is freakin' owning her. I would imagine backstage, she looked at J-Sanch and simply said, "Listen, little girl. I don't get much TV time any more. This is my spotlight, my song. You sing when I let you sing. And only then. Otherwise, you keep your mouth shut."
949p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
949p... And whaddya know... its Aerosmith! I say that seriously, not in jest... Aerosmith is awesome. However, it is late... so... -->
950p... So, thats J-Lo and Aerosmith. Wonder if Journey is coming out so Randy the Dawg can play his guitar?
951p... Fast Forward through Commercial Break
952p... Fast Forward through a duet by P2 and J-Sanch, backed by the Idols, of "Up Where We Belong". Did you know Joe Cocker, who sings opposite Jennifer Warnes on this song, was British?
954p... Seacrusty finally gets down to business, bringing Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez to centerstage. The accounting guy comes out with the "official results" in a gold envelope.
954p... I guess they are automatically the Bottom Two? Or the Top Two?
955p... Dim the lights! Here we go! After a nationwide search and vote...
the winner is...
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!!
PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!!!!!
957p... And The American Idol Phillip Phillips does "Home", which was on the previous night's episode, but we just heard it a little while ago... and its still good. Phillip Phillips ends up crying halfway through this performance, however, and struggles to get to the next line.
Finally, before the song is even over, he just walks away, off stage and to his family.
I guess the best way to end this recap, and this season of Idol, is simply to quote The Lovely Steph Leann, who just said, "Well. There is it."
Indeed.
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