The Idol Eighties

Just rolled up into town from a trip down in Andalusia, Alabama, seeing the family and showing Campbell off to everyone.  I even took my computer with me, thinking I'd have a few free minutes to blog something or another, give you, my fair Coffee Drinkers, something to read and look at, but alas, by the time 1140 rolled around last night, I was tired as a one-armed paper hanger.

That being said, I have much to blog, some funny, some pics, and some personal, but first, we have a little matter of a episode of American Idol to discuss.

Now, I must tell you going into this performance episode, I already know who has been voted out.  The Lovely Steph Leann is in the dark, as she's good at avoiding such info when she needs to not-know, but I managed to see.  It wasn't my fault, though, I wasn't looking for the answer, I just happened to get a message that said "Hannah Armstrong left a message on your timeline", meaning my Facebook wall.  And dear, sweet Hannah, not knowing that I had not seen the episode nor heard anything about it... her message told me exactly what I was avoiding.  So, I know.

We still need to review, though.. so let's get to it. 

CAUSE THIS

IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Its 80s night, and we'll be hearing 80s performances as well as 80s duets.  We see a music montage featuring Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings", seeing their sad faces as Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) says goodbye last week, but their determination (and backhanded insult to the others who have said goodbye) by someone saying "Its down to the best of the best".  If only we could get rid of D'Crappensuck... if only.

This week's mentorship, joining Jimmy Iovine, is from Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal from No Doubt. 

D'Crappensuck is first up.  He'll be singing some song from El DeBarge, which means he found something that lets him to his falsetto so annoyingly much.  Gwen Stefani says that D'Crappensuck is the "total package".  Yeah, total package... of CRAP!  Ha!

I don't care if it was good or not, I can't bring myself to start to like anything this kid does.  Heck, even with Obama, I'd give him credit for doing something right (I'm just waiting for that moment), but with D'Crappensuck?  Not so much.  The judges love him, of course. 

Eh.

Randy the Dawg says, "El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd!' from that performance..."  No, Randy the Dawg, El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd' because he's locked up. 

Here comes the much loved Elise Testosterone!  She's doing "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, made famous by Jeff Buckley.  She then tries "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. 

E-Test sounds good--not great--but good, and does a mature performance with the song.  I think "Hallelujah" would have been a true Idol moment, but when Gwen Stefani tells you "do the Foreigner song", you do the Foreigner song. 

Randy the Dawg calls her out on pitch issues, and Creepy Uncle Steven, who was swaying to the music when the Idol cameras showed him, says it was the wrong song choice.  Really?  And J-Lo gives her the death line... "you look beautiful tonight'.   That sucks. 

Islands in the stream... that is what we are.. no one in between... how
can we be wrong... sail away with me... to another world.. where we
rely on each other... uh-huh.. from one lover to another... uh-huh

DUET TO IT!!  Colton Dixon and Little Skylar Laine bust up on Kenny & Dolly's immortal "Islands in the Stream", a song that, as corny as it is, you just cannot help but like.  I think everyone likes this song... Bill Clinton.  James Hetfield.  Brad Latta.  Courtney Love.  Barry Manilow.  They all love this song.  Who doesn't? 

Since country is her forte, Little Skylar Laine does better in this than Colton Dixon, but its admirable that she doesn't just blow it out and show him up. 

And Seacrusty, that drama starter, makes a comment about the "strong chemistry" up on stage, while Colton gives him the death look of death.

And now, let's hear it for Phillip2, and he'll be singing "That's All" by Genesis, and in rehearsal, he looks not only terrible, but also like he's in pain.  Gwen Stefani says the same, that maybe he wasn't quite getting there... though she does feel like he'll be in the "top tops" eventually.

Me: Did she just say "top tops"?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  That's what she said.

As for Phillip2, it was good.  Again, not great, but good.  I like the original, and I get a kick out of how Phillip2 eats the mic John Mayer style, but this was just decent. 

The judges loved him.

That's all.

DUET TO IT!

So, what's better than one appearance from D'Crappensuck!?  TWO, count 'em, TWO SONGS by D'Crappensuck!  That's right!  Appearing with Hollie Cav, they are set to butcher sing The Pointer Sister's "I'm So Excited".

All I can say is, as a child of the 80s, I cannot hear this song without thinking of Jessie Spano singing this to Zack Morris when he tries to take away her caffeine pills. 

When asked about the performances so far, J-Lo says, "I loved D'Crappensuck!"  When this guy goes, she might just kill herself, live, on-air.  Seriously.  Randy the Dawg then asks the question, "I wanna know, who's got to have IT tonight?!"

The answer?

R&B Crooner Joshua Lidet is singing one of those songs that I don't care for, Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... personally, if I'm talking Simply Red, you should check out "Sunrise".  Great song, great sample of Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That (no can do)"

By the way, I remember listening to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 back in like, 1987, when Simply Red was in their heyday... apparently, they were called "Red", but as they were going on stage, the guy introduced them as "Red Simply Red" due to a miscommunication.  Frontman, and red haired Mick Hucknall, whispered loudly, "No, its Red!  Just simply Red!" and the MC says, "Okay... Simply Red!".  There ya go. 

I like Joshua Lidet, but he kinda sounds exactly the same from week to week.  Great voice, great style, but nothing new. 

The judges loved it, of course.

Jessica Sanchez is taking on her second pre-crack Whitney song of the season, this time being "How Will I Know". 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm glad she's not singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', that song is overused."

J-Sanch kicks off the song a little shaky, but then digs in and sounds great.  Like usual.

Okay, so I wanna be the guy who sets up the background images for the performances. No joke, there is an image of a cassette tape in the background with the word "CASSETTE" written on it.

Me: So, they have to spell out that its a cassette?  Are these kids that ignorant?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  What do cassette tapes have to do with "How Will I Know"?

The judges loved it, of course.

RANDOM NOTE... So the two people who wrote the song "Waiting for a Star to Fall", Shannan Rubicam and George Merrill, also known as the duo Boy Meets Girl, wrote "How Will I Know" AND "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".  Now you know.

DUET TO IT!!  Because Idol can't get enough of Stevie Nicks,we've got Elise Testosterone playing Stevie to Phillip2's Tom Petty on "Stop Dragging My Heart Around".  They both have perfect voices for this, and truly, that was a great version of this song.  E-Test really shone, and helped picked up Phillip2's slight slack on the song.  Good times!

No Hollie!  No ma'am!  Don't do this!  Jennife Beals
barely pulls it off...

Here comes Hollie Cav, and she'll be doing Irene Cara's "What a Feeling... Flashdance".  Now, I hope that they don't do a bucket of water poured onto Hollie Cav as she leans over a chair, as you see her silhouette... since Hollie Cav is so young, that would be creepy.

BUT... if she wore leg warmers and the sweatshirt that had the collar cut out and draped off her shoulders, that would be seven shades of AWESOME.

I think Hollie Cavanaugh sang it decently well... but she didn't seem to ever get into it.  The judges agree with me on that.  However, after hearing all three judges pile on, I think she was better than they gave her credit for.  This could be bad for Hollie Cav. 

DUET TO IT!!  Seacrusty asks us if we'd ever wondered what it would sound like if Joshua Lidet and J-Sanch teamed up... on my way back from South Alabama, I spent over an hour wondering that very thing!  Thank you, Seacrusty!!

They are doing the Aretha Franklin/George Michael mega-hit from the late 80s called "I Knew You Were Waiting".  I used to love the foo' out of this song, spending a few months atop my mental Favorite Songs list... it was followed by Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me", strangely enough, which spent a few weeks atop my mental Favorite Songs list.  Don't ask me how I remember that. 

Anyway, good duet by J-Lid and J-Sanch.

The judges loved it, of course.

I think that we should invent a drinking game, where every time Randy the Dawg tells us he worked on a song or worked with (name drop here), you take a shot.  You'd be eligible for Al-Anon by 38 minutes into the show.

Colton Dixon is doing a song that made The Lovely Steph Leann say, "YES!"... the song that makes Tony Kanal and Gwen Stefani say, "every time we sit and write a song, we want to write this song... we wished we had written this song"... the song that I considered one of my favorites of all time, Top 100 definitely, and one of the most beautiful covers I've ever heard by Nichole Nordeman...

Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time". 

I think I like this performance, but being Colton Dixon, I really wanted to like it more.  I think the fact he keeps singing "Time After Tie" bugs me, and I'm not sure I like the sped up arrangement of it all. 

The judges are going nuts, though, and I guess with Colton Dixon, that's okay. 

Finally, in the Pimp Spot, its Little Skylar Laine, and she's doing some cheese with "The Wind Beneath My Wings" from Bette Midler, featured in the movie "Beaches".  Great movie.  I shed one single tear as I watched it, though that might have been my subconscious trying to show Ginny Kochen that I was a sensitive guy as we watched it with Miranda Bryant, Bobby Black and Mandy Stewart in Miranda's & Mandy's 4th floor room in Shackelford Hall back in like, October 1993.  Ginny and I only went out once.  Taught me a lesson, that being, "Even though girls say they want the flowers and romance and such, they really don't want it until well into a dating relationship, lest they think you are coming on too strong and might be a little creepy."  There's a story there, I tell ya.

Anyway, Little Skylar Laine just killed that song.  I mean, made it her biz-nitch, pardon my Frez-nench. Personally, it was the best solo performance of the night, and I think it was not just the voice, but also the country arrangement. 

My list, from first to worst, of performances: 
Colton & Skylar's "Islands in the Stream"...  Little Skylar Laine's "Wind Beneath My Wings"... E-Test & P2's "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"...  Phillip2's "That's All"... Colton Dixon's "Time After Time"... Joshua & J-Sanch's "I Knew You Were Waiting"... Elise Testosterone's "I Wanna Know What Love Is"... J-Sanch's "How Will I Know"... Joshua Lidet's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... Hollie Cav's "What a Feeling... Flashdance"... That crap from D'Crappensuck, where he sucked Hollie Cav down into his crappiness... That crap from D'Crappensuck by himself...