Saturday, March 31, 2012

Idols in the Nicks of Time

Well, here we are once again, on a rainy, lazy Friday night... The Lovely Steph Leann has Campbell in her arms, as they snooze, the only sound in the house is the clicking of my keyboard, backed up by the whirring and humming of the washing machine upstairs as it cleanses bibs, onsies, diaper cloths and other apparel for the umpteenth time of formula, soured milk and general baby droolness.  How's that for an opening run-on sentence?

The Lovely Steph Leann was gone for two nights, and the grandparents agreed to keep him overnight both nights, to afford me the chance to be at work at blue-thirty in the morning... so with 2 evenings free, my mind raced to all the things I could do:  clean the upstairs back bedroom!  watch a few DVR'ed movies!  grab a quiet dinner somewhere nice like Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits or Krystals!  or blog some of the movies I've seen recently, like "The Hunger Games" or "Green Lantern" or "Safe House" or "Warrior"!  I think the term for this is "best laid plans", and I think that might be a Toby Keith song or something, who knows.

Along with all the things I didn't get to do, because I never got home until 830, or even after 9, is the viewing of this week's American Idol.  And apparently the Top 9 get a house together?  I remember the Idols living together at some point, but I never remember it being a "milestone" like, "Top 12 in the finals" and "Top 10 make the tour" and so on.  I keep expecting Seacrusty to say "Remember, those who make the Top 8 get pedicures every day for the rest of their Idol journey!" and next week, to come out with "And our Top 7 will get to watch endless Adam Sandler films, 24/7!". 

Anyway... let's get 'er done...




What is the theme?  Not a clue.  But here's Seacrusty to first introduce us to our Idols, and he pulls out a "Hunger Games" reference by saying, "Idols, may the odds be ever in your favor!" 
Tonight's theme is actually "The Idols own personal Idols", which I almost feel is a cop-out theme.   "Just pick your favorite artist, and just hope they aren't so obscure or unknown that we won't have anything for you to sing, and you end up having to sing Meat Loaf."

In addition to the Idols Idols, they will also be singing in trios over the course of the night... and Jimmy Iovine has brought in a musical icon, that being Stevie Nicks.

First!  Its Colton Dixon!  He'll be singing Lifehouse's "Everything", which he declares as "his favorite worship song".  Who doesn't love this kid?  And Stevie Nicks is turning that worship song into "something I want sung to me."  Nicks, a known Wiccan, has an interesting perspective.

It takes the chorus for me to remember the song, but I do remember belting this out in church... and Colton is making it happen.  And I love the fact he's not afraid to say the name "Jesus" and not just "God" on TV. 

Creepy Uncle Steven says "You are a dream come true for a judge on Idol!"  J-Lo is all emotional and moved.  Randy the Dawg says that Colton is a star, and full of passion.

And for me, I liked the fact it wasn't a song, but it was a performance.

Now, we get Little Skylar Laine, doing some Miranda Lambert, notably "Gunpowder and Lead".  Stevie Nicks tells her that she [Little Skylar Laine] is a storyteller, and truly, I would think if she can make it into the Top Three or Four in this year's competition, I can see the country scene snatching her up a'la America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina.  Maybe not someone who will win Grammys or even a bunch of CMAs, ACMs, CMTs and whatever else country music gives awards for, but someone who can have a few hits on the air. 

Having said that, while this song was done strong and with power, I wasn't a huge fan of it.  Good job, just not my song.  The judges, however, loved it.

The first trio of the night is, naturally, "Landslide", featuring Colton Dixon, Phillip2 and Elise Testosterone.  You could do a lot worse than this, by the way.  Personally, I like the Dixie Chicks version of this better than Stevie Nicks, but honestly, I like the Dixie Chicks version of anything and everything better.  "Landslide" transitions into E-Test's gravelly voice doing "Edge of Seventeen" (that's the one that says, "just like the white winged dove, sings a song sounds like she's singing, ooh, baby ooh, baby ooh).  To finish up, Phillip2 leads "Don't Stop", another Fleetwood Mac standard.  Marvelous.

Up next, its Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), who was lambasted last week for not taking the competition seriously.  Bayley Brown! would have been better.  Long Live Bayley Brown!

He'll be singing "A Song For You" by Donnie Hathaway, one I'm not all that familiar with.  Like Little Skylar Laine, I have no complaints about the effort... I'm just bored with the song... I mean, how is he going to convince America to vote for him when he can't get the to stay awZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ



(smack lips, grimace from gross sleepy mouth taste)

Where was I?   Oh yeah, Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) just finished.  The judges loved him.   And the producers were hoping against hope that he'd suck it up this week, so he wouldn't win. 

Jason Derulo with his neck brace.  His blingy neck
brace.  Three words you don't see together often.
Seacrusty tells us that there is a new Idol song contest, with Coke.  You can help Jason Derulo write a new "smash" for Co-Cola... there's an old one?  And it looks like Jason Derulo had a smash of his own, wearing a neck brace from a neck break recently.  Wait... what? 

Anyway, the last time Idol had a songwriting contest, we got this travesty of American justice called "This is My Now", which gave me endless fodder to the point where some folks don't even recognize the joke. 

Hollie Cav is singing "Jesus Take the Wheel".  Of course she is singing Carrie Underwood.  Someone had to.  I wonder if one of the Idols piped up to sing Kelly Clarkson, and the producers slapped that down, saying, "No way... she's a traitor... she showed up on The Voice.  And dissed us.  Take that Kelly crap outta here."

I've noticed Hollie Cav has very, very fine, thin lips.  See, I know chicks who have thin lips, and that's all well and good, but I need a little puff to my chick's lips.  Not collagen, or Botox or anything, just a little life.  My darling wife has good lips.  Just sayin'. Where was I?

Randy the Dawg said the song was a dangerous choice, but still was a good performance.  J-Lo said it was one of the best from Hollie Cav.  Creepy Uncle Steven says he wished she had sang a different song, but "I'm not going to mess with Jesus or Carrie..."

And now, the low part of the show... and I wonder if the judges also see this too, as they bury him right in the middle of the performances.  Its DeAndre Crappensuck himself, singing an Eric Benet (!) song called, "Sometimes I Cry". 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Who?"

In one of my favorite re-watchable crappy movies in recent years, "Grown Ups" starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider, there is a scene where David Spade's character, Higgins, makes a gesture after being grossed out by something.

He uses both hands, then imitates throwing up, making a "bleeeaahhhh" sound.  I want to make the exact same sound and use the same gestures. 

J-Sanch has loved Beyonce since she, J-Sanch, was like 7 years old.  Of course, I was about 23 when Destiny's Child hit the scene, and about 25 or 26 when Beyonce was good to go solo.  J-Sanch is singing the Sasha Fierce tune, "Sweet Dreams"... another one that I don't really know very well. 

Here's my thing with Jessica Sanchez... she's very, very talented.  She's very articulate.  She's got a pure, beautiful voice and could sing just about anything in the R&B/Pop/Easy wheelhouse.  Maybe the best all around voice in the whole show right now.  But she's boring.  I like Phillip2's style, I love E-Test's gravelly voice, Colton Dixon's all cool and got the hair and all that... but J-Sanch?  She's just boring. 

But, I am glad it wasn't a take on Beyonce's take on the Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams", which I have grown to really despise over the years.  Or maybe I just don't like Annie Lennox.  That's probably it.

The judges love it, by the way.

So now, its D'Crappensuck, Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) and Joshua Ledet, doing the second trio of the night, this a medley old Michael Jackson... starting out with "Lady in My Life", they transition into "Rock With You", which I totally dig in real life, but watching Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) try to rock with you makes me laugh.  The next song is "P.Y.T (pretty young thing)", a forgotten classic by MJ on the "Thriller" album.   Not bad. 

Me: I feel like PYT is one you never hear anymore... I really like that tune
The Lovely Steph Leann:  I had a co-worker that had that song as her ringtone
Me: PYT?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah
Me:  That is AWESOME

Phillip2 is doing a Jonny Lang song called "Still Rainin".  Stevie Nicks tells him that "you'd been friends with me and Lindsey Buckingham in 1975, Mick Fleetwood would have invited all three of us to join Fleetwood Mac.  No doubt in my mind."  Friends, THAT is a compliment. 

Now, Phillip2 isn't the most vocally awesome Idol in the show... but he's still awesome.  Never heard this song, and I like it because right now, I can only hear him singing it. 

The judges give him a standing ovation... which they have also given to Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), Colton Dixon and D'Crappensuck. 

When Joshua Ledet started in practice with "No I can't forget this evening or your face when you were leaving...", The Lovely Steph Leann just sighed, saying, "I love this song.  This is my favorite Mariah song."

Frizzy hair notwithstanding, I like Mariah much better in the early
1990s.  She is much more clothed and much less ho'ey.
Its not my favorite Mariah song, personally--but its near the top.  This is vintage, VINTAGE I SAY, pre-skank Mariah.  This was her in her prime, before the short shorts and plunging tops and making out with Taye Diggs lookalikes in every other video and featuring every rap guy ever in every song... "Without You" is Pre-Skank Mariah in near perfection.

Oh, I miss you, Mariah.

By the way, lest we forget Harry Nillson, a middle-aged white guy, originally did this song in the 70s and sounded good.  But not like Pre-Skank Mariah.

Joshua Ledet sounds good, but it almost sounds a little forced.  He did his vocal tricks all on the end, and I liked it... but didn't love it.

Randy the Dawg said it was flawless.  Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  J-Lo called him an angel from Heaven and a phenom. 

Back from commercial, maybe one that went too long, it jumped right to J-Sanch standing atop a staircase, singing "Like a Prayer"... and Hollie Cav sounded better.  Certainly better than Little Skylar Laine.  When they go to "Borderline", Hollie Cav outshines both of the other two chicks.  Finally, when they do "Express Yourself", Little Skylar Laine takes the lead--and I think she sounds dreadful.  Its like, if its not country-powerhousey, she can't do it.

Seacrusty tells us that Elise Testosterone is doing... Zeppelin?  Wait... what?

This will be the most awesome thing or most awful thing I've seen all day. 

She's doing "Whole Lotta Love", and will be channeling her inner-Robert Plant.  Jimmy Iovine and Stevie Nicks both said, "She came in and murdered it... awesome."  Then Jimmy got Stevie and E-Test to sing "Dreams" together...

Me:  She's singing with Stevie Nicks.  Holy crap.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  I know!!

And this might the be the most awesome thing I've seen all day.. she sounds fan-frakkin'tastic.    By far and away, the best performance of this night.  I think I love Elise Testosterone.  And I think I would at least buy some of her music on iTunes, if not an entire CD. 

Creepy Uncle Steven said, "I wasn't sure you could pull that off, cause no one can pull that off... but Robert Plant would be proud."  J-Lo gushed.  And Randy the Dawg mentioned how hard the flava' was in that song... and how she did it. 

My trio choices:  First, Colton/Phillip2/E-Test... Hollie/Skylar/JSanch... Crappensuck/HeeJun/Joshua

Elise Testosterone's "Whole Lotta Love"... Colton Dixon's "Everything"...  Phillip2's "Still Rainin'"... Little Skylar Laine's "Gunpowder and Lead"... Joshua Ledet's "Without You"... J-Sanch's "Sweet Dreams"... Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)'s "A Song for You"... Hollie Cav's "Jesus Take the Wheel"... that crap from D'Crappensuck.

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