Saturday, March 31, 2012

Bye Jun! He'll Take a Sad Song and Leave the Idol

As we open up, we see the clips of the Idols coming into the theater... getting ready for their show... practicing... then performing... and we hear the judges toss around words like "star" and "crazy" and "contender" and so on.  After 87 standing ovations by the judges, and around 93 gahgillion votes, its time to make our 9 become 8.




Seacrusty:  We have hip-hops It Girl, Nicki Minaj tonight!
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Oh.  Oh joy.

And we see the Idols, then we see D'Crappensuck go nuts when Eric Benet comes out--I don't know that I could have picked this dude out of a lineup. 

Fast Forward through Ford Music Video

Fast Forward through Commercial Break

Now that we know the Top Nine would live in the house together, we seen a clip of the Idols moving into the Idol's Mansion. 

But now... Elise Testosterone, Hollie Cav and Phillip2 come to the stage... Jimmy Iovine tells us about E-Test's huge, huge rendition of "Whole Lotta Love", and tells us it was a transporting performance for her and Idol.   Jimmy Iovine then tells us that because Stevie Nicks gave such high praise to Phillip2, then he deserves to be here.  He says that Hollie Cav lacks experience, and how it will come down to a Hollie Cav vs J-Sanch match.

Dim the lights, here we go.  After the nationwide vote, America decided that Holly Cav is in the Bottome Three.  Hollie Cav has a seat on the Silver Stools of Suck.  Phillp2 is safe, going back to the Couch of Comfort.  Elise Testosterone also heads to the Couch of Comfort. 

Fast Forward though Commercial Break

Seacrusty comes back, and starts to introduce Nicki Minaj, and The Lovely Steph Leann yells, "Hurry!  Fast forward!  I've never heard her, and don't want to!"

Fast Forward through Nicki Minaj successful.

Fast Forward through Commercial Break.

Here we are again, more results.  Colton Dixon, Joshua Ledet and Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) come to center stage.  Jimmy Iovine says that Colton was good, but not good enough, and that he needed to stay poised.  He says that Joshua Ledet sounded better in the Michael Jackson trio medley.  And finally, Jimmy Iovine tells us that Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) is just not good as the other singers.

Dim the lights, here we go!  After the nationwide vote, America says that Colton Dixon can head back to the Couch of Comfort.   Joshua Ledet is faked out by Seacrusty, that ol' faker, and is sent to The Couch of Comfort, while Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) goes to join Hollie Cav on the Silver Stools of Suck.

Fast forward through Commercial Break

Fast forward through Deep Voiced Scotty McCreery's performance

We stop and watch, though, as Jimmy Iovine comes out and presents Scotty with an award signifying that Scotty's album, "Clear As Day", has gone platinum. 

Fast forward through Commercial Break

And now, finally, D'Crappensuck, Little Skylar Laine and J-Sanch come centerstage.  Jimmy Iovine says about Little Skylar Laine that she didn't sound great in her song, but sounded better than ever in her trio performance.  I thought the exact opposite.  For D'Crappensuck, Jimmy Iovine says he needs more experience.  And finally, about J-Sanch, Jimmy Iovine says he's fully on-board for her.

Dim the lights, here we go.  After the nationwide vote, J-Sanch gets a quick send back to the Couch of Comfort.  Who will end up in the final empty Silver Stool of Suck?  Little Skylar Laine gets the bad news, while the rest of us get the bad news that D'Crappensuck will be around next week.  Darn it.

Fast forward through Commercial Break

Dim the lights, here we go!  Sending one person back to the Couch of Comfort, Seacrusty says Little Skylar Laine's name.  Seacrusty is, "The person who is at risk of leaving us tonight is... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)".   Does he really need to say "at risk"?  Because let's face it, no matter what he sings, no matter how good he is, there is no way in Heaven, Earth, Alabaster and Ensley that the judges will use their Judges Save on him.  No way.  Not after last week's debacle where Creepy Uncle Steven practically called him out for not taking it seriously enough.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  I love it how the judges are leaned in, pretending to collaborate.

Creepy Uncle Steven tells him flat out, "You knew this was coming, after last week... we have to let you go."  It would have been just as well to see Donald Trump go, "Ya fy-ahd..."

But here's the real question...


Thank you.

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