Friday, March 02, 2012

The Idol Top Thirteen Revealed

I always say, concerning me and my proclivity to be long winded when I talk and write, "Why use 1000 words when 5000 words will do?"  For Idol, I always feel like, "Why take 30 minutes when 120 minutes will do?" 

They are giving us a two hour spectacular to reveal The Top Five Chicks and Top Five Guys, in terms of votes, and the three Wild Card Picks, with one per judge. 

Now, to refresh, I picked Elise Testosterone, J-Sanch, Hollie Cav, Jen Hirsh and Skylar Laine to make the chicks side, and for the boys, Phillip2, Colton Dixon, Joshua Lidet, Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) and Reed Grimm... my three wild card selections are: The Welfare Justin Timberlake... Brielle Von Hugel and EVP.

Chicks on one side, dudes on the other, small stage, Seacrusty in the middle, telling us that 33.4 billion votes, just in Rhode Island, were cast.  Let's do this...




First, Chase Likens, Jeremy Risotto and Phillip2 come up together.  We now see a video recap of their performances from the other night, plus a word from mega-producer Jimmy Iovine.  And Jimmy says that Chase isn't fresh, and Jeremy doesn't have what it takes to cut it, but for Phillip2, he says, "We need originality, and Phillip2 has that!"

DIM THE LIGHTS!!  Here we go!!!

After the nationwide vote, Jeremy Risotto has not made the Top Ten.  After the nationwide vote, Chase is also not in the Top Ten... Phillip2 goes over and becomes the first to sit in the Silver Stools of Security this Season.

And its time for the ladies!  J-Sanch, Hallie Day, Brielle Von Hugel and Hollie Cav now come on up.  Jimmy says, "Little girl, big voice, especially with the right material" about Hollie Cav.  For Brielle Von Hugel, he says she's got real charisma, but her old song selection will hurt her.  Jimmy then speaks on Hallie Day, saying this was her best performance.  And finally, for Jessica Sanchez, Jimmy tells us that J-Sanch has talent from A to Z, and has the pole position in this show right now.

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

Perhaps its unfair that I don't like Brielle Von Hugel, because its really that I don't like her mom, but there it is.  After the nationwide vote, Brielle Von Hugel is NOT in the Top Ten.  After the nationwide vote, Hallie Day did NOT make the Top Ten (boo!) and that makes Hollie Cav and J-Sanch the newest seat takers in the Silver Stools of Security.

More results.

White Chocolate... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Joshua Lidet are now asked to come forward.  Now, we look back at their performances... Jimmy says about Joshua Lidet that he's the real deal... about White Chocolate, Jimmy says the whole "black woman in his body" thing that its a little confusing, and they aren't connecting... and about Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), Jimmy says, "This guy completely confuses me..."

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

After the nationwide vote... Joshua Lidet is IN the Top Ten!  And one of the remaining two is in the Top Ten... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) makes it!  White Chocolate nods and goes back to the couch.  He's done, by the way--he won't be a Wild Card pick.

Bayley Brown!... Chelsea Sorrell... Skylar Laine... Shannon Magrane... they are called to the front.  We watch the videos from the performances, seeing Skylar Laine first.  Jimmy Iovine tells us that she blends soul and country, and it was great... next, we see Bayley Brown!, who let me down, and gave me a frown.  Jimmy says that Bayley Brown! has all the pieces, but didn't put them together on this night.  "Out of tune, out of here."  Sigh.  Now, Chelsea Sorrell, to which Jimmy says she has a nice voice, but not original enough.  Finally, Shannon Magrane, one of my favorites, but hard for me to read on how America will feel.  Jimmy tells us that she's got a great voice, and great poise, but needs help in her look. 

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

After the nationwide vote... Shannon Magrane makes it!  YIPPEE!!  That makes me really, really happy, and I mean that in all seriousness.  While I think Bayley Brown! is just hot, I think Shannon Magrane is just a great chick.  Skylar Laine also makes the Top Ten

Next, Aaron Marcellus Wallace... The Welfare Justin Timberlake... Reed Grimm.  Now, Jimmy Iovine says he's real talented, but way too cabaret... for Aaron Marcellus Wallace, Jimmy says he was a bit cheesy... and for The Welfare Justin Timberlake, Jimmy says he was screechy and he didn't care for his voice.  Agreed. 

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

After the nationwide vote... Aaron Marcellus Wallace did NOT make it.  Now, after the nationwide vote... The Welfare Justin Timberlake did NOT make it... and Reed Grimm is also NOT in the Top Ten. 

Oh, Seacrusty, you faker!

Back to the ladies... Elise Testosterone... Erika Van Pelt... Haley Johnson and Jen Hirsh all come up, hoping for that final spot in the Chicks side.  Jimmy Iovine says Jen has a great voice, but she should stay away from Adele.  For EVP, Jimmy likes her quite a bit, and that she has great restraint, "Something this show needs more of, not less..."  For Haley's horrid Eurythmics destruction, Jimmy says it was very robotic.  And for Elise Testosterone, Jimmy tells us that he liked her, and would love to see her do original material. 

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

After the nationwide vote, Haley Johnson did not make the Top Ten.  We knew this.  Next, EVP, who also did not make the Top Ten.  And that leaves Jen Hirsh and Elise Testosterone... and after the nationwide vote, the final spot goes to Elise Testosterone! 

Back to the guys, with D'Kenny G... Eben Beiber... Big Jermaine... and Colton Dixon... and two spots left.  We go to break, then come back, and see the videos, plus Jimmy Iovine's take on them.  For the Gentle Giant, Big Jermaine, Jimmy is so glad the judges brought him back and could listen to his voice all night.  For D'Kenny G (I can't help it, this kid annoys the crap out of me), Jimmy says that he's got a lot of potential, but needs a coach.  For Eben Beiber, Jimmy says he's got potential, but is not ready, and he sang a song that was way to mature for him.  Jimmy then tells us about Colton that he's really talented, one of the most talented on this show, but needs to pace himself.

DIM THE LIGHTS!! Here we go!!

After the nationwide vote, Seacrusty tells us that D'Kenny G is OUT!  YIPPEE!!  Now two of the three are in... which two will it be?  Colton Dixon is IN the Top Ten!  Now, one Silver Stool of Security, with Eben Beiber and Big Jermaine left.  Who makes it?  After the nationwide vote, its Big Jermaine! 

So this is where we stand now...

Top Ten Guys:  Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Phillip2... Joshua Lidet... Colton Dixon... Big Jermaine

Top Ten Chicks:  Shannon Magrane... Hollie Cav... J-Sanch... Skylar Laine... Elise Testosterone

Now, the judges will reveal the SIX contestants they want to hear again... meaning eight are done already, they just don't know it yet.

First, its Jen Hirsh.  She, along with the other five, will get to "Sing for her her life".  She'll sing, and the judges will pick three of the six chosen--one per judge--to advance to the American Idol Finals. 

She sings a bluesy song, maybe called "Oh Darling", and it sounded great.  She stands in the middle, with the winners on the right, the losers on the left. 

Next, they choose Jeremy Risotto to come in and sing.  He kind of reminds me of Italiano whatshisname last year, chosen as a wild card pick due to this kind of "last chance" last chance.  He does another ballad.  I like Jen Hirsh better.  J-Lo is tearing up, and I really think this guy is her Wild Card Pick, regardless of how the others do.  I think he's kind of boring.  J-Lo is freakin' sobbing. 

The third Idol to get one final chance is Brielle Von Hugel.  The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Oh no... seriously?  Why do they keep giving her chances? I just don't like her!"  Maybe its because this, music, is Brielle Von Hugel's life, this means so much to her, this is all she wants to do.  Give her points for originality, Bob.

Even down to her original song choice, by... yep, you guessed it, this year's Go-To, the wonderful Adele.  BVH is singing "Someone Like You".  And I think she sucks.  And Mom Von Hugel is cheering in the audience... and I wonder if the Idol producers are telling the judges they have to pick BVH because Mom Von Hugel makes for great TV.   Oy.

And the judges just flat out tell her that it just wasn't that great, and even Randy the Dawg says, "You might be in some trouble."

I just threw up in my mouth when Randy the Dawg says, "We've chosen D'Kenny G to sing again."  I grunt loudly, and The Lovely Steph Leann, while doing a burp-inducing pat on Camp's back, says, "Are you really surprised?"

He's actually singing "Georgia on My Mind", a song that I didn't like when Michael Bolton did it, and I definitely don't like D'Kenny G doing it.  Blah.  And the judges all three frakkin' love this kid.  No joke.

J-Lo tells us that fifth on deck, EVP gets a final shot at the glory.  And when I typed "final shot at the glory", that was about 20 seconds before she revealed the song she was going to sing... "Edge of Glory" by Lady GaGa.  Is it GaGa or Gaga?  Who knows.  Point is, I'm telepathic.  Telepathetic.

I really like EVP, though I don't know if her song is good enough to get her in the Finals. 

Okay, so one more Idol gets a shot at Singing for Their Life.  And that one more Idol is Reed Grimm... I hand it to The Lovely Steph Leann, who just said, "I'll bet its Reed Grimm", and I said, "Him, or The Welfare Justin Timberlake..." and then Seacrusty says, "Reed Grimm!"  She's telepathetic too.

Before Reed Grimm can sing, we say goodbye to the other 8 who didn't get that final shot, including Bayley Brown! and Aaron Marcellus Wallace, and Hallie and Haley and Eben Beiber, and with the rules in place, none of them can try out again.  When you make it this far, if you don't go any further, your Idol career is over. 

Reed's final song is "Use Me" by Bill Withers... and he writhes and wiggles all over the stage, doing his Reed thang. 

J-Lo says, "We thought America deserved to see you one more time..." which means first, that Reed, and Brielle, who also got that, won't make it, they just felt worthy enough to perform once more...and this also means that their selections were pretty much made, they just had to fill SIX spots.

D'Kenny G... EVP... Brielle Von Hugel... Reed Grimm... Jeremy Risotto... and Jen Hirsh... three will advance, three will go home.

Randy the Dawg picks EVP as his Wild Card Pick.  J-Lo picks--duh--Jeremy Risotto, who falls to his knees, cries, then runs around and hugs J-Lo uncomfortably so.  And now, Creepy Uncle Steven picks as his Wild Card none other than.... D'Kenny G.  Crap it all. 

My thought is that America is annoyed with this kid too, and he won't make the real Top Ten--as in, he'll be voted out in the next three weeks.  Done and done.

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I think that we have a great group here, except for that Kenny G guy."  Well said.

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