Idol's Final Judgement (part one)

Now... its time.  Its real.  Its real time.  Its Idol Judgement.  Next week, the voters decide.  The live shows begin, and the voters take over.  But tonight, we have 42 Idols to deal with.  Those 42 must be transposed, and will turn into 24.

Tonight, the Final 42 are back in Las Vegas, and after being treated to some Cirque type show, in which half the Idols look disinterested and bored, they return to this same stage for one final song, backed by one single instrument.

And after those performances, they will be judged by J-Lo, Randy the Dawg and Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven.

THIS


IS


AMERICAN IDOL


FINAL JUDGEMENT

Idol is calling them one personality at a time, and as they walk to find their final fate down the walkway, up to the deus to sit in the lonely chair, facing the judges.  And American Idol apparently will recap those solo performances along the way to getting our 12 guys and 12 girls selected for The Semi Finals.

• Jen Hirsh is up first.  Firsch?  Her final song is some song called "I Need You" or "I Want You" or "Baby I Need and Want You" or something like that... it was very breathy.  And Jen becomes the first into the Semis.
• Up next... Creighton Fraker, aka, The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  His solo song was "A New York State of Mind", and to me, sounds a little self-indulgent.   BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  Wait, what?  He found out his biological dad was the lead singer of the 80s band Flotsem & Jetsom.  Seriously.
• I like the fact you can call his dad's wife "Mother Fraker".  And looks like I'll be typing "The Welfare Justin Timberlake" over and over, as he makes it through.  

This could be Lauren Grey's future--she could do worse,
I guess.

• Lauren Grey is coming up next.  She has a very lounge-singery kind of voice... that's a good thing.  I see her in a sexy red dress atop a piano, singing "Making Whoopiee", a'la Michelle Pfieffer in "The Fabulous Baker Boys", in some smokey jazz bar named "The Blue Martini" or something.  And the judges tell her she didn't make it this year.  The Lovely Steph Leann gives a slight, disheartened, "Mmm..."
• Joshua Lidet, the PK, makes the long walk to destiny.  Randy the Dawg starts out with the whole "we have to say goodbye to so many people and its hard on us to tell people no" schpeel, before giving him the predictable "you made it, bro."
• Some chick named Blaire didn't make it... and Naomi, that I only slightly remember seeing, ever.  And I guess that's okay, because Idol gave them so little airtime, we had no chance to even like or dislike them.  
• Haley Johnson moves in next.  And Creepy Uncle Steven stretches it out before telling her she goes through.  Before he could even say it, though, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She goes through."
• And now, Neco Starr, who sang some ballad to J-Lo in his solo performance... how come I'm having trouble figuring out what some of these songs are?  His hair is awesome, having definitely been enhanced by Soul-Glo (let yo' soooooouulll glow!!!!).  Randy the Dawg tells Neco that his soul didn't glo.  Neco goes away.
• Clayton Farhat (who?) says goodbye.  So does River St. James.  (WHO?!)  And rocker Caleb Johnson totally screws up his solo song and thus, he's done too.
• Elise Testosterone now makes the journey to the stage.  She kinda reminds me of a younger Maria Bello, if Maria Bello was battered by her man at a young age.  J-Lo does the "I'm going to talk to you and make you think you didn't make it, but then tell you that you did" bit... Elise Testosterone moves to the Idol Semis.
• Reed Grimm now moves on deck.  He's like, if Taylor Hicks and Casey Abrams had a baby, it would be this dude.  He sits in the Seat of Destiny, and he makes it through.
• And now, wedding singer and gummy Erika Van Pelt is featured.   Whatever song she sang in her solo performance, J-Lo openly says, "I don't like this song for her."  So, this might bode unwell.  J-Lo tells EVP that they had their eyes on her because of that voice, but the solo song really blew it.  However, EVP makes it to the Idol Semis
• And here comes country girl Chelsea SomethingorOther, who forgot her words in one of her earlier rounds--but is prompted to continue by Creepy Uncle Steven, which must infuriate those who forgot their words and were excoriated by the judges.  Chelsea Sorrell now faces the judges, who stretch it out again... she makes it.
• Baylie Brown!  Baylie Brown!  Baylie Brown!!!  Baylie Brown! sang "Here Comes Goodbye" in her solo performance, and when I question the song, The Lovely Steph Leann immediately says, "Lady A".  That's Lady Antebellum for you uninitiated.  In the same way that Death Cab for Cutie is really "Death Cab" for the real fans, Lady Antebellum is just "Lady A" for the real fans like The Lovely Steph Leann.  
• Anyway, Baylie Brown! makes it through!  
• And now its Cowboy Jerkweed Richie, who I kinda hope not only fails to make it, but also trips and falls off into the water on the way back from getting the bomb dropped on him.   Idol shows us a very boring version of "Ring of Fire" done in his solo performance.  And thankfully, Cowboy Jerkweed doesn't make it.  Unfortunately, he makes it back to the waiting room fully dry.
• Heejun Han  sits with Seacrusty, who asks him "So, what are you sweating?" to which Heejun says, in all seriousness, "Water."  And he does a far superior version of "A New York State of Mind" than The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Does he make it?  Yes he does... and we shall call him Hey Jun.  He took a sad song, and made it better.  Wiping tears away and crying, Hey Jun walks back to the waiting room.
• Here comes Jessica Sanchez, who has been watching the show since she was 5 years old.  The same show I started watching at like 26 years old.  Oy.  And as she faces the judges, she's already crying.  And even more so as she's told she's going through.
• In the background, some tech dude crawls across the floor in a poor attempt to not been seen.
• Philip Phillips has a turn next.  And Philip2 gets his admission to the Idol Semis.
• Now, Colton Dixon made it to Hollywood last year and got cut... he wasn't going to audition this year, but when his sister Schylar came before the judges, they also asked, even demanded, that Colton try out too... and they both made it.
• And now, Schylar was cut last week, but Colton has made the Top 42.  And The Lovely Steph Leann digs her some Colton.  And so do the judges, as Colton Dixon moves on.  
• Up next, its Brielle Von Hugel and her mom, Camille.  Overbearing Mom?  Abso-smotherin'-lutely.  And Mama Camille will be around a little while longer, and Brielle flies through to the Semis.

By now, 14 spots are taken... there are 10 left.  The final showcase of the night is Adam "White Chocolate" Brock.  He does a slow rendition of "You Don't Know Me", but J-Lo is concerned a bit that White Chocolate doesn't quite know who he is.   And do we find out if he makes it?  Well, if it were Wednesday, we wouldn't, because this aired on Wednesday.  His fate was shown on Thursdays episode... so before the $ clan heads to bed, screaming child in tow, we start the DVR on tonight's show to find out.

White Chocolate's fate?  He makes it.  After stretching it to what, two nights?  Yeah, he makes it.

The Rest of the Top 24 Coming Friday Evening...