THIS IS AMERICAN
Tonight's episode? Songs of the Rolling Stones, including Mick "Liver Lips" Jaggar and Keith Richards. Don't know if you know this, but Keith Richards actually died in 2003, they've just been propping him up like Bernie at every show, with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman behind him moving his arms.
And away we go...
He takes the stage tonight, singing "Miss You". The video clip shows him and his family, and I had completely forgotten that he had him a white woman wife. She and the baby are cutie-patooties. Big Mike prances around stage, tight jeans and chain included.
"Miss You" is one of those songs that you might not know by title, but as soon as you "ooh ooh ooh" background vocals, you'd immediately go "Oh yeah, I know that song."
Randy the Dawg says he wasn't crazy about it at the beginning, but thought Big Mike was awesome. America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres said he didn't disappoint. Kara the New Hotness, lookin' hot, said Big Mike had that Jaggar 'tude. Simon said it was sung well, but kinda corny. The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Yeah, it was alright."
Its probably good that Jaggar wasn't a mentor this week, otherwise Katie Stevens, Paige Miley and Lacey Brown would have been in trouble. And not because of their singing.
My last great hope for a hot American Idol sings next. We see her mom during the video, and I'm a little shocked. She looks like that kid from "A Family Affair"--the boy, I mean.
"Playing with Fire" is her song, and she starts out all sultry (I almost typed "slutty" accidentally... whoops) on the stairs, and ambles her way down to the stage. She sounds good, not great, but doesn't hit any huge notes to show off her pipes. I think its really good, as a matter of fact.
Randy the Dawg says for the first time in weeks, she was on fire. Ellen DeG liked the song and the fact she made the word "fire" two syllables. Oh, the humor of Ellen DeG. Kara the New Hotness loved the darkness of the song. Simon the Cowell agreed with all the other judges. The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Yeah, it was pretty good."
Could she be My Next American Idol? We shall see.
His video shows his hometown off, and discusses his parents divorce. He had some affliction early in his life, I wasn't really paying attention, though Cindy Jo is openly weeping, I'm sure.
"Its All Over Now" is the song he's singing, one I don't know that I have ever heard. The Lovely Steph Leann already commented, "I don't know many of their songs", and I can concur with that... neither do I.
CJ makes this song sound like an Allman Brothers tune, a la Bo Bice. If I'm being honest, it sounded pretty good. Not great.
Randy the Dawg said he liked it. Ellen DeG says, "For most women, their hearts will start racing by looking at you... and for people like me... you know, blondes..." She thought it was fantastic. Kara the New Hotness says he was a rock star. Simon the Cowell says CJ looks great, and played the guitar and sang well, but it was like an audition performance and he should have used the stage to make a great performance. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I thought it was pretty good. It was better than the Gavin DeGraw song he did."
The Idol Who Has 9 Lives was born and raised in Amarillo by morning, which is just up from San Antoine. Everything that she's got is just what she's got on. When that sun is high in that Texas sky, she'll be bucking at the... what? Oh, sorry, I was rambling.
From 1967, here is "Ruby Tuesdays". And why is she singing a song from a restaurant? Was "You Belong at Applebee's" taken? I kid, I kid!
I gotta admit, I love Lacey's voice, its unusual, its kinda raspy, and I think the Leigh Nash comparison has already been made by me and Kara the New Hotness (she reads the blog, what can I say). Having said that, she truly does have 9 lives, as she should have been voted off weeks and weeks ago. And tonight? Its okay.
Randy the Dawg says he wasn't jumping up and down vocally, but was pleasantly surprised by how Lacey held it together. Then he calls it interesting, which is NEVER good. Ellen DeG uses the word "weird" and "sleepy". Kara the New Hotness says it was 50/50, and there were note issues. Simon the Cowell says she performs like an actress, where everything is precise and exact, and she's got to stop over thinking it every week. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I thought it was alright."
The video shows Andy's parents, and how the childhood was rough and such. Same ole. His song is "Gimme Shelter".
Andy rocks it out, does his thing, so on. I'd love to see 50's week, and have him do "La Bamba". That would rock. Or maybe Mexican One Hit Wonder Week, and have him do "Rico Suave".
Randy the Dawg says pitchy. Ellen DeG said she loved it. Kara the New Hotness says since the song is written about war, she wanted to feel the connection and power of that song. Simon the Cowell questions Kara the New Hotness and says, "What do you want him to do, come on stage with a tank?" He liked the effort, but it was better in rehearsal. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yeah, it was okay." Then she adds, "I really, really, really want to like him, but when she sings, I really just kinda like him." Then she concludes, "Either way, I really, really, really want Alex 'Don't Call Me Adam' Lambert back."
She has been told be younger, she has been told to be more mature, she has told to let loose, she has been told a thousand different things. Tonight, she is singing, "Wild Horses". The video shows baby pictures of Katie from her home, and I mention, "You do realize that these pics were taken in like, 1998, right?"
Sitting on a stool, dress flowing, she starts the song slow, and suddenly, out of nowhere, for the first time this season... the people in the front... holding their arms up... moving side to side... nay, swaying.
THE SWAYBOTS ARE BACK!!!!
While the Swaybots sway, at least its something to keep your attention while Katie sings, because I don't think this is very good. In fact, right before I could type the words, "I'm bored", The Lovely Steph Leann piped up, "I think this is kinda boring. She can sing, but she's kinda boring."
I'd rather see Katelyn Epperly.
Randy the Dawg says it was sung well. Ellen DeG liked it lots. Kara the New Hotness says she wasn't technically perfect, but it was the right direction. Simon the Cowell says she finally chose a really good song. Whatever. I was bored. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Of all the stuff she's done, its probably the best, but it was boring."
Tim "I Only Wish I Were Keith" Urban
He grew up in a big family, apparently with very fertile parents. Heck, with all those kids, they could have been members of Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship).... is Tim's parents named Cranston or Wimberley? Just curious.
"Under My Thumb" is the song, and it starts out with an almost Jamaican reggae sound. Tim "Don't Call Me Keith" Urban has the guitar, bouncing while strumming. I am kinda bored with this song too.
Randy the Dawg didn't like it very much. Ellen DeG thought she was a resort, drinking a pina colada, listening to a bar band. Kara the New Hotness liked the originality, but not the song all that much. Simon the Cowell applauds the attempt for a boring song itself, but says it just didn't work. I was bored. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yeah, but I liked it better than Katie's"
From her video, it wouldn't be hard to convince that the Magnus family came out of the Delorean, straight from 1974 hipsterville.
"She's All That" as the geeky looking girl that you knew was hot and would prove it by merely taking off her glasses and letting her hair down. Tonight, the glasses are off, and she fluffed her hair, Katelyn Epperly style... rock on.
And rock on is what she is doing... Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Even before she just threw down on that ending note. Loved it.
Randy the Dawg says "Yo. Bringing the drama. That was hot! That was hot!". Ellen DeG loved her look, loved her sound. Kara the New Hotness says she was having flashbacks of The Unambiguously Gay Adam Lambert". Simon the Cowell says it was the best of the night thus far. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "It was pretty good." Then she adds, "I liked it." Then she adds, "Her facial expressions remind me of Stifler's mom." Uh, okay.
The rocker of the season this year sits with Seacrest and discusses paint colors. It would take longer to explain than the payoff would make it worth it. His song is "Beast of Burden", again like "Miss You", one of those you might not know much about, but you'd know it if you heard it. I actually kinda like this tune.
Its not perfect, but he's got a great voice in my not so humble opinion. I think the song is great, and you can tell the progression of Idol over the years as the lyrics, "...make love to me..." are sung loud.
Randy the Dawg says it was dope. Ellen DeG thought it was great, though was hoping for a bit more rock from Lee. Kara the New Hotness says he is growing fast onstage. Simon the Cowell says he really likes Lee Dewyze, but Lee needs to shine onstage. Song was too safe. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I liked it." Then adds, "I think Lee is my favorite guy. Especially since they took away my Alex." I liked it too, but I agree with Simon the Cowell.
Seacrest is standing amongst the Swaybots, and sends it over to the video for Paige. She's a good singer, but she's not the best--however, she's not Haeley Vaughn, and for that, I'm thankful.
"He tried to take me upstairs for a ri-ide!" sings Paige Miles, belting out "Honkytonk Woman", yet another "don't know the title, but if I heard it..." song. You know, as much as I hate to admit it, she sounds pretty good. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I've been waiting for this miracle that Simon says is inside Paige. At least she's singing good."
But she's not Katelyn Epperly.
You know who else she's not?
Its been too long since we've had a Pickles reference
Randy the Dawg says he liked it. Ellen DeG says she's got star quality. Kara the New Hotness applauds Paige for hitting big notes even though this week, she was struggling with her voice. Simon the Cowell asks, and finds out she had laryngitis. He thought the song was good, considering her issues this week, but said it was a little old fashioned. The Lovely Steph Leann admits, "I thought it was good."
So, his mom's name is Kelly Kelly. No, not the wrestler. The mom. And Aaron's adopted, happened when he was very young... which was like, 1995. Sheesh.
"Angie" is the song, and its a slow ballady type tune. He's going to have to nail this one, otherwise he'll be chided for being old fashioned. He starts out on the stairs, makes his way across the stage. Like Paige, I'm pleasantly surprised that he sounds pretty good. The Lovely Steph Leann sighs, and concedes, "Its the best he's done. If were Ellen, I would tell him he's FANTASTIC! Cause she says that alot."
Randy the Dawg says AK-16 was born to sing. Ellen DeG says it was great, and liked it and Siobhan's song the best tonight. Kara the New Hotness says he connected and was powerful. Simon the Cowell admits that he thought Aaron Kelly plus Rolling Stones would have been a disaster, but he surprised and thought it was very good. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "A million billion times better than I've ever heard him. It was really good."
So in the homerun position, C'Bosox. Her daddy tears up in the video, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Aww" and Cindy Jo has a weepy meltdown.
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" is her song, and like usual, she starts out great. She reminds me of America's Other Favorite Lesbian Melissa Ethridge, which is a very, very good thing. She's got that bluesy thing going.
She powers through it, almost perfect and ends. Another rock solid song. She truly is the chick to beat... but... I edge Siobhan up a little more tonight.
Randy the Dawg said it wasn't her best ever, but it was great. Ellen DeG says she was missing personality. Kara the New Hotness agrees with Ellen and Randy. Simon the Cowell says she came out the clear favorite, but this is the first time, she was beaten by someone--Siobhan. Ha! He reads the blog too! C'Bosox says, "I didn't think I was the clear favorite... but thank you for saying it!" The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I thought it was pretty good. You get the Kris Allen and The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert mix in her. Wouldn't shock me if both were the final two--you got Siobhan, who says 'give me a note and I'll sing it', and you got Bowersox, who is really good."
So here is my Top 12, from first to worst...
Siobhan Magnus... Crystal Bowersox... Didi Benami... Lee Dewyze... CJ... Paige Miles... Big Mike... Aaron Kelly... Andy Garcia... Katie Stevens... Tim "I'm Not Keith" Urban... ... Lacey Brown...
Prediction... I think that Tim "Not Keith" Urban and Lacey Brown need to be worried... which means that Didi Benami will get voted off. Naturally.
Well, its a day later, I have just returned home from a night of slingin' magic to the masses at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and since its Wednesday night, what does that mean? That means... The Idol Results Show...
The Lovely Steph Leann is still up! Its like, 11:20 or so, and she's on the couch! Apparently, she got sucked into about 6 episodes of "Felicity" on DVD, Season 2, and by the time 10 or so rolled around, she figured, hey, I'm up, I'll wait on my good lookin', good lovin', hard workin' man. And so she did.
The good thing about results shows is that we can shoot through half the show on fast forward. There's a group song that we won't see, there's a Ford commercial that we won't see, there's a couple of special performances that we won't see... well, we will, but it will be in 2x speed.
Seacrest tells us that the judges save is back in effect... what that means is, the judges can unanimously agree to "save" one person from elimination. Last season the judges save was used on... used on... uh... I don't remember. The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Matty G."
fast forward through David Cook's performance after a thirty second trial...
fast forward through commercial
fast forward through Idol group Ford commercial
fast forward through Idol group Ford Fiesta obnoxious promo
Time for results. The Silver Stools of Shame are in full effect, reserved for the Bottom 3. Pagie Miles is standing first. And right off the bat, Paige Miles heads to one of the Silver Stools of Shame.
Lee Dewyze stands up next. And he's safe, back next week.
Siobhan Magnus, who sang the best song of last night, stands up. She's safe. Duh. Who would vote off such a talented... wait... oh, Katelyn Epperly, wherefore art thou?
Aaron Kelly stands up. He sits, safe. Andy Garcia and Tim "Not Keith" Urban stand. One of these two will be in the Bottom Three, and I'm guessing Tim "Never Keith" Urban. Aaaaand... I'm right. Tim "Don't Call Me Keith" Urban joins Paige Miles in the Silver Stools of Shame.
fast forward through commercials...
fast forward through Oran... who? Who the crack is this? The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Lord help, I'm so out of touch, I don't know who any of these people are..."
fast forward through more commercials...
One more person is in the Bottom Three. I'm hoping its Katie Stevens, and I was fearful that it might be Didi Benami. But Didi Benami is standing now. And she's safe. Thank you, America.
Crystal Bowersox stands up. I don't think she'll get kicked off until there are three people left... Siobhan Magnus being one of them. This is what always happens. But for now, she's safe.
Katie stands up. Alone. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "That sucks. No one is standing with her." This leaves Big Mike, Casey James and Lacey Brown, one of which will head to the Silver Stools of Shame. Now, I'm guessing Lacey Brown. By the way, Katie Stevens is safe, The Lovely Steph Leann grunts.
Big Mike stands up, again alone. And again, he's safe.
Lacey Brown and Casey James stand up together. Lacey is wearing a flower the size of a pie plate in her hair. After the nationwide vote... Lacey is in the Bottom Three, Casey is sitting down.
So Paige, Lacey and Tim "Not Keith" Urban. Seacrest asks the judges if either of these are worth using the "save" tonight, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres stumbles around with the answer, wanting to say "no", but saying "I dunno"... since you can only use a Save once per season.
And they send one person back to the seats... thats Tim "Not Keith" Urban.
fast forward through commercials
fast forward through Ke$ha's new song. Having never heard "Tik Tok" or whatever her song was before, I figured I would give Ke$ha a listen. That lasted 30 seconds, and it was 30 seconds that sucked, by the way. That was terrible.
fast forward through more commercials
And who is getting kicked off, not even to make the Idol Summer Tour? That would be Lacey Brown, the chick who had 9 lives has finally gone through all of them. There is no way in the world I can possibly imagine the judges using the "Save" this early in the season...
To try to save her raspy tail, she sings "The Story" by Brandi Carlile, and right off the bat, I can tell you, she is going home. Her and her pie plate flower upside her head. Simon the Cowell, when asked by Seacrest if they'll save her, says, "Oh hellz to tha no!" Actually, he said "We say no", but you get the point.