Thursday, March 04, 2010

The Idol Dudes Underwhelm... Again

My Idol resolve is being tested.  My willingness to watch and comment, for whatever its worth, be it your entertainment or just posterity, is being tested.  Let's look at the facts...

Its 1120pm on a Wednesday night... I've worked, in this order since Sunday--The Happiest Place in the Mall (Sunday)... The Happiest Place in the Mall & then Starbucks (Monday)... Starbucks & then The Happiest Place in the Mall (Tuesday)... Starbucks & then the Happiest Place in the Mall (today)... and tomorrow, I work The Happiest Place in the Mall all day long.  I'm exhausted.  I'm sleepy.

I haven't seen either the girls or guys this week do their thing.  I'll have to, even with fast forwarding, go through about 2 hours of Idol.  And its 11:23pm now.

I could watch it all tomorrow night, but tomorrow night is results... and also Survivor.  And I also have to pack for leaving town Friday.  And The Lovely Steph Leann wants to do a little shopping.  And we are leaving somewhere between 330 and 630am on Friday morning.  And its 11:24 now.

My middle finger on my left hand has a little cut on the cuticle, and there's a little spot on my index finger of my right hand, where I accidentally poked it with a box cutter, so either hand hurts slightly to type the D, R, E, H and a few other select keys.  And now?  Its 11:26pm.

But I press on.  I move forward.  I do it... I do it for you.  I do it because...



First of all, last week, Tyler Grady went home... I'm okay with that, though The Lovely Steph Leann had problems with it.  And Joe Munoz went home, which is a travesty, considering The Wrong Jermaine, John Park and Tim "Wish I Were Keith" Urban all are still on the show.  And then for the girls... fine, punt A-Rod.  I'm okay with that.  But Janellybean?  Janell Wheeler goes home and Haeley Vaughn survives?  

By the way, that is Captain Tebow with Janell Wheeler... apparently, they were going steady at one point.  Who knew? 

I seriously am not pointing out any conspiracy here... but sometimes I wonder how much "affirmative action" takes place on this show... just sayin'.  I ain't sayin', but just sayin'.

Our judges tonight, still Randy the Dawg, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness, sporting a high-bangs still hot hairdid, and Simon Cowell. 

Big Mike is up first.  He's singing James Brown's "Its a Man's World", and in his opening video, he makes comments that the judges are supportive, here for them and he takes none of their comments negatively... which makes me laugh, because its almost a direct response, being from the heart or from the producers pencil, to Tyler's and A-Rod's comments last week that the judges didn't give them good criticism and their feedback was way too late.  Punks.  But Janell?  I am in mourning.

Big Mike finishes up, was pretty good, and Randy the Dawg makes the obligatory "I feel like the season just started RIGHT NOW!!" and does a standing O.  Don't know if it deserves all that, now.   Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness and Simon the Cowell heap praise onto Big Mike as well. 

John Park is singing a John Mayer song... look, I have nothing against John Park.  He seems like a good kid, he's got very womanly hair, and he's got some good tone on "Gravity".  But he's not great.  He's good.  He's decent.  He'll do.  And you never want your American Idol to be good, decent and just "do".  You want feeeee-nominal.  And Feeeee-nominal is not John Park.  I think Boooooo-ring is John Park. 

The judges agree, with Simon the Cowell even predicting that John will head home after this week.  I would be okay with that, but there are so many I'd rather see go than John Park.  And then see John Park go. 

Up next is Casey James with... seriously?  I mean, seriously?  There should be a list of songs that are no longer allowed to be performed on this show, songs like "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson... "Respect" by Aretha... anything by pre-crack Whitney and pre-skank Mariah... and this song, "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin McGraw.

Course, if I was Gavin McGraw, I would be thanking the Good Saviour Above for the show American Idol, because without this show, this song would be completely irrelevant.  What's that you say?  You like that song?  Sure.  Remember "Flagpole Sitta" or anything by Sum 41... or 42 or whoever?  My point exactly.  Irrelevant.

Perhaps I'm just bored by this song, and that's why I'm unimpressed with CJ's rendition, though he is adding some flair to it by playing the electric guitar.  Randy the Dawg loved it, Ellen DeG loved the guitar playing (it was good, btw)... but Kara the New Hotness didnt like it, telling him he took steps back.  Simon the Cowell agrees with Kara.

Next, we have Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert, the kid with the semi-mullet.  He's nervous, just like last week, and he's not the strongest vocal performer, but he's a lot more likable than John Park.  He's doing "Everybody Knows" by John Legend.  Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert sits on the stool, guitar in hand, and sounds... well, sounds pretty good.  That last note was kinda iffy, but still... not bad. 

Randy the Dawg liked it... Ellen DeG comments on his mullet, and liked it... Kara the New Hotness likes him quite a bit... Simon the Cowell says it was a million times better than last week, but tells him he needs more confidence.  I agree.  I can almost see a Clay Aiken, awkward kid who can sing who morphs into a real contender in about five weeks.  You heard it here.

Todrick Hall is singing "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, another big song... remember, he's the guy who did "Since U Been Gone", and though I thought it was fun and different, if not a little sketchy, the judges ripped it apart.

Toddy has changed the arrangement up, like last week, and has a jazzy, smooth sound to the song... I say "smooth", but thats meaning the flow of the song, not his performance. 

So, it wasn't perfect--far from it, but here's my bone with the judges.  They ask for people to make songs their own, they don't want copycat versions and soundalikes, but when someone like Todrick Hall does something different, they don't just discuss the issues with the tone and voice, they chide him for the version he did.  How can you tell what they want? 

The Wrong Jermaine, aptly named because Purifory was cut while Sellers lives on, and watching his little video makes me like this guy even less.  "Them judges was cut-troat!" he says.  He's singing "What's Going On" by Mavin Gaye, and he's sporting some sort of poofy-in-one-spot-on-his-head hairdid...

This song was terrible.  Randy the Dawg agrees with me.  Ellen DeG agrees with me.  Kara the New Hotness agrees with me.  Simon the Cowell tells him that he takes great songs and makes them meaningless.  As EW pointed out, its as if he's auditioning for Cirque de Soleil: Holleration!   The Wrong Jermaine says he knows God, and implies that God will keep him hear.  I'm sure Todrick is awesome in church... but not while singing Marvin Gaye tunes.

Andy Garcia's video shows his ability to breakdance.  Yeah!  That's what I'm talking about!  Backspins, popping, the caterpiller... rad.  To the max.  Tonight, he's singing a James Morrison song.  With "You Give Me Something", I admit I'm not a music scholar, and I personally cannot sing worth a lick... but I usually know what's not good.  That song?  Not good.  Not at all. 
Randy the Dawg didn't like it, Ellen DeG did.  She mentions the "Straight Up" rendition in Hollywood Week, which leads one to wonder how much mileage one guy can get off of one performance.  Heaven forbid he pulls off a Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name" or a David Cook "Hello" kind of performance, they might just give him the title right there.  And Kara the New Hotness even tells him he needs to take a song and make it his own... and I'm sure The Wrong Jermaine is thinking "What am I supposed to do?"

Aaron Kelly is up next.  He's doing The Temptations... or Four Tops... song "My Girl".  I am wondering if The Four Tops and The Temptations are actually the same band.  No one knows for sure.  Seacrest says the song is from The Four Tops, but I'm not convinced. 

He seems a lot more confident than last week, but if you put your fingers up to your throat, then tapped as you sang, it would sound much like we are hearing right now.   I don't want to give up on this kid yet, though... he's got some potential.

Randy the Dawg liked the first half of the song.  Ellen DeG told him the song is forgettable.  Kara the New Hotness really liked it.  Simon the Cowell didn't like it at all.  Kara the New Hotness comments that it was good that Aaron did his own version of the song.  The Wrong Jermaine just slapped himself.

Tim "Not Keith" Urban is doing "Come On Get High". The kid has good hair, and has some Troy Bolton kind of look to him... again, I like this kid overall, though I'm pretty sure he's not my next American Idol.   As he was singing, I sort of got distracted by Facebook.  So, I kinda heard it... but not enough to tell you it was great.   But... it wasn't bad.

Randy the Dawg didn't like it, neither did Ellen DeG.  In fact, she tells him he should act, maybe on "Glee", and do singing as a second skill.  Kara the New Hotness tells him he should have made the song his own.  The Wrong Jermaine just kicked a hole in the wall and shot a puppy.  Simon the Cowell... liked it.  And when Simon the Cowell says he liked it, Tim "Not Keith" Urban's jaw drops and mouths "wow". 

As Seacrest calls out his phone number, Tim "Not Keith" Urban looks down at his fingers for a minute, taking a second to get 9 digits in the air.  Funny.

And finally, its Lee Dewyze, who's singing "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. I like this guy alot, he's got a cool voice and seems like he can take that "rocker" status easily, and doesn't even have to try, unlike Casey James, who doesn't quite fit the rocker mold.

I'm not really familiar with this song... but its not bad, Lee's version of it.  Its all... well, pitchy.  Randy the Dawg tells him that its good that he took chances.  Ellen DeG loved it.   Kara the New Hotness dug it.  Simon the Cowell liked it.

For the night... last week, my favorite was Joe Munoz, and he's gone... I hope the same fate doesn't befell Alex Lambert...

Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert... Lee Dewyze... Big Mike... CJ... Aaron Kelly... Andy Garcia... Tim "Not Keith" Urban... Todrick Hall... John Park... The Wrong Jermaine...

If I had to pick The Dude Half-Dozen, I'm going with Alex Lambert... Big Mike... Casey James... Andy Garcia.. Lee DeWyze... and Aaron Kelly, getting a small nudge over Tim Urban.  Its time for Todrick, The Wrong Jermaine and John Park to get bounced--but you know at least of them will make it into the Top 12.  Ain't saying.  Just sayin'.

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