The Oscars have begun with a cool little animated montage with references to about 100 films or more… and since it actually started at 730pm our time, and its actually 930pm our time… we’ll start from 930pm.
930pm… Jon Stewart is introduced as the host of the 80th Annual Academy Awards. I remain one of about 4 people in the world that doesn’t think he or the Daily Show is actually funny (mostly because its so inaccurate as “news”, which it never claims to be yet enjoys its status as a newscast)
933pm… Jon makes a few funny remarks, though.
--“’Away From Her’, a remarkable movie about a woman trying to forget her husband. Hillary Clinton called it the ‘feel good movie of the year’”
--“’Norbit’ got a nomination… too often, the Academy ignores movies that aren’t good”
935pm… Ah, there he goes. Political jokes. Its funny, he discusses issues and positions, then nudges a vote for Democrats. Somebody please tell me what Obama has done? Ever? Ever?
937pm… Here comes the awards! Jennifer Garner is up to present the first Oscar, that being the Costume award. I went with Atonement… and the winner is… Elizabeth: The Golden Age. It’s a two point category, and Stephanie and Nikki get it. Ashley, me and Mikey – Zero.
940pm… George Clooney is up now, looking debonair as always, to introduce a montage over the last 80 years of Academy Awards. I always think the montages are fun, honestly…
945pm… Anne Hathaway is joined by Steve Carrell. Anne has a total strangeness in dress. And for the 2nd award, it’s the Animated Feature category. Jon Stewart = not really funny. Steve Carrell = totally freakin’ funny.
948pm… I went with Ratatouille. And the winner is… Ratatouille! I’m 1 for 2 tonight, and pick up the 3 points. So does everyone else. Nikki & Stephanie are at 5 points, while Mikey, Ashley & myself are at 3 points. Brad Bird is Ratatouille’s director, and has a great speech.
950pm… Katherine Heigl is here for the makeup award, which is ironic because she does have a little bit too much rouge on. This is the movie Norbit was nominated for… but I went with Pirates 3. And the winner is… La Vie An Rose. Curse it all. One point goes to Mikey, which puts him at 4. I didn’t realize this was the Marion Cotillard movie, otherwise I would have gone with it… shucks.
953pm… The first of the five songs are up now, this one being “Happy Working Song” from Enchanted, one of the Top Ten Coolest Things of 2007. And Amy Adams, aka Total Hotness, is singing it! The Lovely Steph Leann has a grin the size of a Buick right now. This grin is nothing to what will be going on that lovely face when Amy Adams throws down to “That’s How You Know”.
958pm… The Rock is in the house! The People’s Champion! Yes, yes, mancrush. Shut up. Here comes the Visual Effects Award. I picked Transformers. And the winner is… The Golden Compass. And Nikki gets it… one point awarded, Nikki 6, Steph 5, Mikey 4, d$ and Ashleynipp have 3. My solace is that the movie made about 57 dollars at the box office, and half of that was popcorn.
10pm… Cate Blanchett is up for Art Direction. She’s one of those that sometimes, like tonight, can look totally gorgeous… and other times looks hideous. I chose There Will Be Blood in this one. The winner is Sweeney Todd. I am absolutely sucking wind tonight… just terrible. Steph Leann, Mikey and Ashleynipp get it, putting me in dead last. Nikki & Steph 6, Mikey 5, Ashleynipp 4, me 3.
1003pm… An Acting Award, one of the big ones, a four point category. They are replaying the Cuba Gooding Jr win for Jerry Maguire in 1997, which was absolutely awesome. Tonight? I picked Javier Bardem for “No Country for Old Men”. His role of Anton Chigurh was amazing. Personally? I’m rooting for Hal Holbrook, just because it was would be so cool to see him win one at 80 years old. The winner is? Javier Bardem. Four points for me, Steph Leann and Mikey. Steph has 9, Mikey has 8, I have 7, Nikki has 6, Ashleynipp has 4.
1013pm... Keri Russell appears, looking very elegant. Never thought she was all that good looking, but she does look classy tonight. This song she’s introducing is from “August Rush”, a little film that I’ve never seen, and most of you probably won’t see either.
1017pm… Owen Wilson, Academy Award nominee (for what?), is here for the Short Film category. I have no idea what I picked, Steph Leann has the ballots. The winner is The Mozart of Pickpockets. I didn’t pick that, I’m sure. Steph Leann gets it right… one more point for her. She now has 10 points overall. This guy who won the Oscar is talking, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to talk or cough something up, with his accent so thick.
1020pm… The Short Animated Film category is up, and I picked I Met The Walrus, whatever that’s about. The Oscar goes to Peter and the Wolf, which looked pretty awesome from the clip they showed. No one gets it right.
1024pm… Supporting Actress award, presented by last year’s supporting actor winner, Alan Arkin. This is a four point category, and I went with sentimental favorite Ruby Dee, from “American Gangster”. And the winner is… Tilda Swinton for “Michael Clayton”. I actually didn’t see that one coming, and Nikki takes the four points. Nikki and Steph Leann are tied at 10, Mikey has 8, I still have 7 and Ashleynipp has 4. Tilda looks terrible. I accidentally saw her nude in a film once, and it hurt my eyes. I turned the channel quickly.
1030pm… The teaser says “Stay tuned for Jessica Alba!” to which Steph Leann says “Jessica Alba will never be taken seriously again. Like she ever was. She hasn’t made a good movie in like, forever.” Jessica Alba is out to present the Scientific Technical Awards. We fast forwarded.
1032pm… Josh Brolin and James McAvoy are out together to present another award, this one being Adapted Screenplay. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. The winner is “No Country”! Its 4 points, and Steph Leann goes to 14, Mikey goes to 12, I have 11, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp has 8.
1039pm… “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted is being played, being sung by Kristen Chenoweth. Steph Leann’s grin went from really, really big to sort of a smile, now that Amy Adams isn’t singing it. Though she still has the head bobbing. Of course, if you are going to replace Amy Adams with anyone for this song, you can do a lot worse than Kristen Chenoweth.
1044pm… Dame Judi Dench and Dame Halle Berry are coming out and… oh wait, this is Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan. This is even better. And they are pretty funny… anyway, the award is for Sound Editing, and I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. And it wins! Another point for me! Steph Leann is at 15, Mikey stays at 12, I tie at 12, Nikki has 10 and Ashleynipp has 8 still.
1047pm… Seth and Jonah are still at it. The award is for Sound Mixing, and I went with Transformers, just cause I’d really like it to get something. And the winner is… The Bourne Ultimatum again. Stupid me… I should have picked this for both of these Sound awards. No one gets it this time around.
1051pm… The Best Actress Award is up next, the first 5 point category. I went with Julie Christie, only because she got tons of praise for this role… not that I have seen it, or will probably see “Away from Her”. I would give up the entire Oscar contest to see Laura Linney win an Oscar, though…. I luv luv luv Laura Linney’s acting. And the Oscar goes to Marion Cotillard, a heavy favorite… and no one picked her. Stupid foreigners gettin’ our awards. It was cute, though, with her walking off stage crying.
1059pm… Colin Farrell walks out, and almost slipped. He’s here to introduce the 4th nominated song from the little seen Irish film “Once”, it’s the song “Falling Slowly”. The song starts, I ask Steph Leann if I can fast forward, she looks at me funny with a “no”. So we listen to “Falling Slowly”. The might want to put the word “asleep” in the middle of the title.
1102pm… Jack Nicholson comes out… always a good time. Just hearing him talk cracks me up. He’s here to introduce the montage of “Best Pictures”.
1107pm… Either Renee Zellweger or Jewel just came out, I can’t tell. Though I think they might be the same person. Here’s the Film Editing Award, which I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. I got another one! Personally, The Bourne Ultimatum could have been a Best Picture nominee. Scorecard: Steph Leann 15, d$ 13, Mikey 12, Nikki 10 and Ashleynipp has 9.
1110pm… Jon Stewart: “Film editing… someone just took the lead in the Oscar pool based on a guess.” Yep.
1110pm… Nicole Kidman is out now. I used to be so into Nicole Kidman, though she’s kind of falling out for me. She’s still pretty, but I lean Kate Winslet now. This is some sort of Lifetime Achievement Award for an art director, one who’s 98. Robert Boyle gets an Honorary Oscar, and a standing ovation. It is cool, however, that they award someone who’s not an actor nor a director.
1118pm… Steve Guttenberg is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Just sayin’.
1119pm… Penelope Cruz comes out to present another award. The Foreign Flick Prize. I think I picked the Polish film, Katlyn. The Counterfeiters from Austria gets it. Steph Leann picks it up, as does Mikey. Steph gets to 17 points, while Mikey goes to 14.
1122pm… A member of Steph’s “Colin Firth Club”, Patrick Dempsey comes out to introduce “So Close”, also from Enchanted. Luckily, Steph Leann allows me to fast forward through it.
1124pm… John Travolta, who should have gotten a nod in the makeup category for “Hairspray”, is giving out Original Song. Travolta’s face is heavily made up, and looks plastic. I picked “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted. The winner? “Falling Slowly” from “Once”. I wonder if Enchanted canceled each other out. Steph Leann is unhappy, calling the people who did win it “Losers”. The three points goes to Mikey, who now tied Steph Leann at 17. I’m at 13, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp still has 9.
1128pm… Me: If “Its Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can beat Bono for best song, then anything can happen in this category.
1130pm… Jon Stewart brings out the chick from the duo that just won best song. The guy got to talk, but the music cut them off, so Jon got her out to say her thank-you’s. That was actually kinda cool.
1131pm… Cameron Diaz comes out… remember what I said about Cate Blanchett? Yep. Cameron too. Our award now is Cinematography, and I went with There Will Be Blood. A 2 point category, its important to stay up with the leaders. And the winners are… There Will Be Blood! My total runs to 15, and Nikki finally gets up to 12! Mikey takes the lead at 19, Steph Leann is still at 17, and Ashleynipp breaks double digits with 11 points now.
1134pm… Two time Oscar winner and one time Chad Lowe wife, Hilary Swank! And here’s the legacy montage, and I’m sure a big ovation will be given to Heath Ledger. This one is always kinda sad. Sometimes you get the “I didn’t know that guy died!” reaction. This time it was Dabbs Greer, the old mad in “The Green Mile”. Sadly, we also lost Deborah Kerr. And the loudest reaction is given to Heath Ledger. Strangely, no Brad Renfroe mention.
1139pm… My latest Hollywood crush, Amy Adams, comes out with a “Academy Award nominee” label… it took us a second to remember “Junebug”, which I still haven’t seen. The award for Best Score is being given out. I picked Atonement. Rock! The winner is Atonement! 3 points go to me… and everyone else but Ashleynipp. Mikey has 22, Steph has 20, I have 18, Nikki has 15 and Ashleynipp is at 11.
1143pm… Tom Hanks, a two time winner, is up next, giving out the Documentary Awards, first the Documentary Short Film. Actually, they cut to soldiers in Baghdad, naming the nominees and giving out the award. Great move. I picked Sari’s Mother. Sari’s mom has it going on. You know that Sari. The winner is… Freeheld. Crapola. At least no one else picked it either. Except for Michael. His lead goes to 3 points, now with 23 total. Steph Leann screams “Mikey… you suck!!” And, even better, Freeheld is all about gay marriages. Mikey would get that one right.
1147pm… Tom Hanks now has the Documentary Feature Award. I picked No End in Sight, because an anti-American, anti-military movie is right up Hollywood’s alley. Taxi to the Dark Side, another anti-military film gets the win. Here comes the anti-American speech! Ashleynipp gets the 2 points, bringing her total to 13.
1150pm… “After Gitmo’s atrocities…” says the guy holding the award. That’s right, after four meals per day, prayer rugs, religious freedoms and all, how terrible it must be for these terrorists who want nothing more to blow up and destroy American lives.
1151pm… Harrison Ford walks out in all his stature. Are you pumped for Indy 4? Me too. He’s got the award for Original Screenplay, and its worth 4 points. I picked Juno. Unfortunately, we all picked Juno. Diablo Cody wins for Juno, and even gets a standing ovation. Mikey still leads with 27, Steph has 24, I have 22, Nikki has 19 and Ashleynipp trails with 17.
1156pm… The Best Actor Award is up now, another 5 point category. I think most of us picked Daniel Day-Lewis. Helen Mirren is up to give the award, and I think even though she’s like, 84 years old, she’s remarkably stunning. And she just said the word “cajones”.
12am… Daniel Day-Lewis, predictably, picks up the Oscar. Mikey jumps to an almost insurmountable 32 points, Steph has 29, I have 27, Nikki has 24 and Ashleynipp has 22 still.
1201pm… I think Daniel Day-Lewis is one of those actors that is highly underrated, and that no one mentions when they are talking about ‘Great actors’, but perhaps should. I mean, he doesn’t do a ton of work, but what he does is remarkable… he was the best thing about Gangs of New York, he was apparently great in There Will Be Blood, and he was awesome in Last of the Mohicans.
1204pm… It’s time for the Best Director Award. Last year, Scorsese won it, given to him by Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas. Someone in the room said, “I wonder if George Lucas wants their Oscars” to which, Drew Morris replied, “Yes, but I HAVE BILLIONS!!!” Funniest line of the night.
1206pm… I went with the Coen Brothers for “No Country For Old Men” for this award, and I was right. Another 5 points… for everyone but Nikki. Mikey has 37, Steph has 34, I have 32, Ashleynipp takes over 4th with 27 and Nikki is in danger of a First to Worst finish, still with 22 points.
1208pm… And finally… Denzel Washington comes out for the Best Picture. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. And the final Oscar goes to… “No Country for Old Men”. The final tally of the night? Michael wins it with 42 points, Steph Leann finishes 2nd again with a 39 point total. I end up with 37, Ashleynipp finishes with 27 and Nikki bombs out with 22.
So, that’s your 2008 Academy Awards… Michael is now a 4 time winner, though this one might have an asterisk on it, being over email and with only five participants, as opposed to the usual 12 or more people every year.
Well… I guess we’ll see you on Idol. I’m going to bed now.
Steph Leann (repeating this three times): “Stupid Michael”