Thursday, January 19, 2012

Savannah Idol Smiles

Its a revolution.  Its an American institution.  Its where Kelly Clarkson came from.  Its where Carrie Underwood got her break.  Its where Daughtry got famous.  After 10 years, another journey is beginning... new voices... new styles... new names... new nicknames... one will be crowd My Next American Idol... and one will be crowned the real American Idol.

"American Idol has been in my life since I was 6 years old!" says one chick... holy crap do I feel old.

Randy Jackson, Randy the Dawg returns.  Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, Creepy Uncle Stevie is back.  And Jennifer Lopez, J-Lo, is here again.  (note:  that's the first and last time you'll see their full names used in this season of American Idol).

Well, here we are again... its January, and you know what that means?  Its 32 degrees Monday through Wednesday, and 73 through the weekend, right?  Its MLK holiday, right?  Its only five months to summer, and hence, five months to "The Avengers", right?!  



Creepy Uncle Stevie in the pimp suit... J-Lo is the only chick... Randy the Dawg is the black dude... and Seacrusty
brings up the right side with the form-fitting black tee
Let's head to Savannah, Georgia, a sleepy Southern town full of old houses, old people and old living... the sight of one of my all time favorite books, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" by John Berendt.   Thousands of Idoloonies have come to the deep South to make their mark and go through the rigorous audition process to make it to see the judges.

Kicking it off, a youngster who says he's 17... his name is David, but is also called "Mr. Steal Your Girl". He actually hands a chick his cell phone and instructs her to put her number in it.  They show a video where he was 2nd in a musical contest with Scotty McCreery, who won... Deep Voiced Scotty won the whole shebang, of course.

Uncle Stevie looks like a pimp.

David Steal Your Girl throws down with a huuuuuge voice on an R&B classic.  Not bad, though he still looks like he's 12 years old.  Upon request from J-Lo, he sings some obscure Michael Jackson song--the first was better.  He's pretty good, and I feel like with a little work, he could be really good.

Gabby Carrubba is next, she's 16, and she's shaking from being so nervous.  She is a champion tap dancer, so that helps.  And she's excited to meet the dreamy Ryan Seacrest... I mean, who wouldn't be excited for Seacrusty?  I would.

Gabby is singing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5.  She hugs Nigel the Producer... she knows who the real power is in the room.  All three judges send her straight up to Hollywood.

Seacrusty then introduces a "Good Singer Montage", including our first Whitney Song of the Year--"I Wanna Dance with Somebody".  Several Yes votes send a number of chicks and dudes out with their yellow ticket... looks like we are on a hot streak in Savannah!

Twenty minutes in and no bad auditions... this is not boding well for Jessica Whitely, 19, is has a strange speaking voice... J-Lo jinxes Jess Whitely's whole audition by stating, "We've had a really good run this morning...".  Were I Jess, I would just leave.

And... its bad.  Its awful bad.  It sounds like a goofy voice I use sometimes when trying out voices for "Mr Frog and Mr Toad" stories that I'll read to Campbell soon.  Bad bad.

Blank stare from the judges, and she knows its over.  "Awful", Randy the Dawg deadpans.  She says, "I'll see you in Texas, then."  Which means she's headed to Texas to audition.  Yikes.

Now there's a montage of people trying to imitate Seacrusty... including one guy named Shawn who really played the part out well... dressed to the nines, hair styled like a boss, and a voice to match--he is shown saying all the catch phrases... "The votes are in!"... "Dim the lights!"... "Call or text 1 866 IDOL 001!"  Its quite funny, actually.

But he is auditioning, of course.  He's singing "Oh Girl" by the Chi-Lites... starts out loud and strong... falls apart halfway through... Randy the Dawg, J-Lo and Creepy Uncle Stevie all say no, complete with a background sound of "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.

Shannon Magrane, 15, 6 foot tall and looking 22 (Creepy Uncle Stevie has a grin on his face) tells the judges she's the daughter of World Series pitcher Joe Magrane from the late 80s.  Her family comes in, Daddy Joe shakes hands with the judges, and Daddy Joe asks Creepy Uncle Stevie, "How are things in Beantown?", to which Creepy Uncle Stevie replies, "Hot and happening... just like your daughter."

Aaaaaand that's why I like to call him Creepy Uncle Stevie.

She sings some jazzy Etta James, which wins me over just about anytime.  I love it, perhaps my favorite audition of the night thusfar.  Three YESes and she's on her way!

And here comes the bad montage... a big chick ruins a Jessica Simpson song... yes, made it worse... and here's the first butchering of "Rolling in the Deep".

However, in comes Amy Brumfield, 24, hailing from Gatlinberg, TN.  She lives in a tent in the woods.  Literally, in a tent.  Granted, its a large tent, and they have a pretty good set up, but its a tent nonetheless.  A tent.  Her and her man.  Times are tough, but she says, "I'd rather be outdoors and happy than indoors and miserable."  She says her boo's mom dressed her up with the jewelry and dress and such.

"Superwoman" by Alicia Keys is the song, and I really want this chick to be good.  She sounds good enough to go to Hollywood... but I don't think she'll make it out of there with success.  The judges say Yes.

Is it just me or does Amy not seem like she really wants to leave that tent?  Its like she's in Occupy Sherwood Forest or something.

Joshua Chavis has a dream to sing the national anthem at a NASCAR race.  Guess we have to have goals.  And then he just said, "I'm going to leave my nerves out the door with my boyfriend..."  I rewound it just to make sure I heard that.  I did.  He gets gayer every word he says.

You know, its not that he's gay... its that he's obnoxious AND gay.  He says his voice is like that of Brad Paisley or Daughtry.  Somehow, I doubt it.  He's now slaughtering "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.  He continues to become more and more gay.

Oy.  He's terrible.  And he gets no votes of confidence.  So what does he do?  He does the ol "I'll sing another song and that will impress them!" schtick... and Randy the Dawg is the only one who is really bold enough to say, "Dude, its bad."  But Joshua finds comfort in the arms of his boo.  His just-as-gay boo.

And the camera follows him as he cries on the phone, shoots the finger and throws a fit.

Fifteen year old Stephanie Renae is almost falling apart, being so nervous.  She watched Season 4... when she was 8 years old.  Excuse me while I replace the tennis balls on the bottom of my walker.

"Inside Your Heaven" by Carrie Underwood is her song... and its not bad.  Starts strong, struggles a bit but hits the big notes.  J-Lo tells her to correct the nasally part of her voice, but they tell her they like her voice.  Creepy Uncle Stevie says Yes... Randy the Dawg says Not Yet... but J-Lo says Yes, and Stephanie Renae freaks out.

Now, we get to see Skylar Dixon... sister of Colton Dixon... who both auditioned last year.  This year, only Skylar is doing it.  She's got great hair.  The judges force Skylar to go get Colton, which sucks, because he doesn't want to audition... which means that Skylar's chance at the spotlight solo is ruined.

She sings "Break Even" by The Script.  I love this chick's voice.  And now, they force Colton to sing, which he does.  Honestly, he doesn't sound all that great... he's really mumbly. If they judges give Colton a Golden Ticket and not Skylar, I'm going to... well, be mad.  But keep watching.

And the judges give both of them a Golden Ticket to Hollywood.  So, if Colton advances and Skylar gets cut early... wow, unnecessary drama.

Another montage, this time with tears!  Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces" is a perfect tune to play while all these people whimper, yell and go home thinking they were better than anyone else.

BACKSTORY ALERT!!  Lauren Mink, 25, works with people with disabilities in a home.  I can't tell if I think Lauren is pretty or her face annoys me.  Is that bad?  What's not bad is her audition... its quite good.  Three YES votes and she is on her way!


All three judges get back in place for the second day of auditions, and first up, is a dude from South Africa singing "Rascal Flatts".   A black dude from South Africa... I feel like there is only about six of them in that country... is apartheid still going on?  I dunno.

From the lead up, and the "Rhinestone Cowboy" playing, I can tell this is going to be horrible.  Mawuena Kodojo is just that.  I don't even recognize this song...

By the way, The Lovely Steph Leann is not here... she's out of town with Campbell and her mommy, but I can just imagine her on the couch at this second... and I imagine that blanket slowly creeping up to cover the face, and her whispering, "Make it stop!"

Randy the Dawg send him out to find people to say he's a good singer--if a few people will say that, Randy will send him to Hollywood.  An old man asks him if he's a runner... ha!

Seacrusty finds an old grandpa and four small children to tell Randy the Dawg that Mawuena is good.  Randy the Dawg says, "Its still a no."  I was so afraid they were going to send him on, like they did with Dave the Jumper Guy some years back.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Sista with long braids.

Got sassy 'tude.

Big glasses.  I'm afraid this is going to be a train wreck.

Holy crap.

Colton (L) Dixon is forced to sing, and passes, much to the obvious
chagrin of his sister Skylar (Schylar?) (R).  Sista Braided Hair in the middle.
She's... well, she's not too bad.  She is doing this freaky "Joy Hop" dance she created.  She sang "Come Together", which wasn't perfect, but pretty good... and enough to get herself a Golden Ticket.

Oh, its time for some more bad singers.  Though we are only seeing the judges saying no, not hearing the actual auditions.  We see them come out of the door empty handed, usually into the arms of family and friends.

WT Thompson is about to sing now... he had to quit his job to audition for Idol.  This might be bad.  He's got a kid on the way... his wife is 6 and a half months pregnant.  Oh my.

I feel like he goes through, but gets cut Day One.  Creepy Uncle Stevie says no!  J-Lo likes him, says Yes... Randy the Dawg says what I already thought... "Dude, you are going to be eating alive in Hollywood."  However, he says Yes.

One hour and 41 minutes in, there isn't a soul that has blown me away just yet...

Montage of how all the women love Creepy Uncle Stevie, including kisses on the young girls lips, and the grandma's lips... and one equally creepy chick named Erica Nowak who says, "He is my future ex-husband."

Randy the Dawg says, "I think they should hug!" and Creepy Uncle Stevie hugs her... and Creepy Stalker Erica grabs his butt.  Seriously.  She's singing "Super Duper Love" by Joss Stone.  I really want her to be terrible, because I don't like her and never want to see her again.

She then hugs Randy the Dawg and touches his butt.  She gets no's across the board.  Thank the Maker.

NBA Dancer Brittney Kerr comes in, and Seacrusty reminds us that last year, Creepy Uncle Stevie and Randy the Dawg were loving the ladies.  She sings another Joss Stone song, well by the way, and the camera actually starts at her shoes and pans all the way up to her head, slowly.  Randy the Dawg says Yes, J-Lo says No, and Creepy Uncle Stevie says Yes, as we knew he would.

A quick glance at some we haven't seen til now, and another look at Young David Steal Your Chick.  Some dude named Neco killin on some Bruno Mars.  Another look at whatshername... I dont feel like scrolling back up to get her name.  None are that memorable.

Philip Phillips?  

Who names their kids that?  What moron parents... that's like me naming my son Juan or my daughter Anita.  No can do.

Phillip Phillips stole the show.  Kinda has a "John Mayer singing"
vibe about him.
Phillip Squared is our first Guitar Guy of the season.   He's going to do a bluesy almost country version of "Superstition".  Not bad, but a little screechy for my tastes.  He's like something that Taylor Hicks crapped out.

Phillip Squared gets the guitar and then starts playing, singing a country version of "Thriller".  I like this guy alot.  Alot alot.  He wins Savannah for me.  And he's headed to Hollywood!

42 singers get a Golden Ticket in Savannah, GA, while thousands more are told "pump it, nimrod."

Tomorrow night... Idol Auditions head to Pittsburgh, PA!  Backstory Alert from a guy in a mine!  People crying!  Unsuspected talent!  And, for one guy, this means alot to him.

FINALLY!  We find the guy for whom this contest means alot!  See you tomorrow.

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