Anyway, The Lovely Steph Leann is watching some Hallmark film starring Ben Stiller's wife in "Meet the Parents" , while Campbell Isaiah is zonked out on the couch, asleep under a comfy blankie. So perhaps we should get to business before young one starts a'stirring..
I know its just local, but it still amuses me that some WBRC Fox 6 guy sold Pepsi the ad space right before a Coke sponsored show begins.
Here we are in Aspen... and here we are with...
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
The judges arrive in a FORD, while drinking COKE, in Aspen, Colorado, and Creepy Uncle Steven already makes a "hey, Aspen sounds like Aspirin! Got a headache! Anyone got an... Aspen?" joke. To be expected.
Seacrust says, "Aspen is peaceful, tranquil and oh so quiet..." Cue the loud chick. And there she is.
Jenni Shick, 24, from Virginia, tells us of a safe list of people that she and her boo can kiss and it won't be cheating. Of course, Creepy Uncle Steven is on her list. Of course. She is singing some Pat Benatar, "Heart Breaker", which for me is a great song, but not a great audition. Eh.
This chick bothers me. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "What's with the weird people being able to sing?"
Jenni gets three YES votes, kisses Creepy Uncle Steven and rushes out the door.
Curtis Grey bemoans the fact he had to get up early, 6am, to get in line for Idol. This gets no sympathy from me, who is up at 355am or so to go to work. He's singing "Its So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday", a song that is hard to master, mostly because Curtis is pasty white, not black and names Nate, Mike, Shaun or Wanya.
I'm completely not impressed with this guy, but Randy the Dawg loved him, J-Lo loved him and Creepy Uncle Steven loved him. He's headed to Hollywood.
"I thought he was pretty good... he's got to open his eyes, thought," says The Lovely Steph Leann.
We get a triple-audition montage with three that we'll probably never hear from again, including one that might be this year's Scotty McCreery, if only for the deep voice.
And now here's Tealana Hedgespeth. Seriously? So, you have a last name like Hedgepeth, and you don't give her something easy like Shannon or Bonnie or Lindsey... you go with Tealana?
Anyway, Tealana is up, and she is telling us all about how she's lived under the shadow of her twin sister who apparently is much more talented... and let's say that it wouldn't take much for twin to be much more talented. Wow. We finally got us a good, long bad audition. Tealana is wearing a romper that looked like a highlighter threw up all over it.
Three NO votes, and well deserved. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Hmmm..." then silence.
And here now is HALEY SMITH FROM UTAH. She lives in a log cabin, is a vegetarian and IS 18 YEARS OLD. Her voice annoys ME AND SHE GIGGLES GOOFY. I type like this because this is HOW SHE TALKS. She is very excited about THE END OF HER SENTENCES. J-Lo is noticing HER 70s VIBE. She's singing Rufus and Chaka Khan's TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD.
I'm just NOT A FAN OF HALEY. SorRY. And The Lovely Steph LEANN DIDN"T THINK SO EITHER. However, Creepy Uncle Steven LOVES HER. J-Lo and Randy the Dawg ALSO RAVE ABOUT HER. Really? ReaLLY? Three yes votes send her TO HOLLYWOOD NOW. AwesOME.
Alanna Snare is a bartender from Colorado who tells us about serving up Rocky Mountain Oysters, which are really bull nards. The judges didn't know this, but I did. Alanna
Shelby Tweten, 17... BACK STORY ALERT! Just recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder (and so was she), she also deals with depression and has lots of meds to take. She is from Minny-Soo-Tah. She's singing some song called "Temporary Home", and though I like her voice, I didn't think it was special enough to warrant a backstory... but thats why I'm not a judge on Idol, I reckon.
J-Lo raves, as does The Dawg and Uncle Stevie. Three YES votes, and she got herself a Golden Ticket.
And finally, we get us a good, solid bad-audition montage! Thank you! We even get a white chick, scatting, to "Stand By Me".
And Jairon Jackson, 19, from Denver, Colorado, is doing an original song called "So Hard". Finally! Someone I actually like! All three judges like him quite a bit, and J-Lo even calls him a "lover". Of course, his white wifebeater shirt is about 3 sizes too big... but he can figure that out as he heads to Hollywood, Golden Ticket in hand.
On the way out, Jairon is so excited, he leaps and knocks out an overhead light... good times! Lights out! Uh-huh! Blast blast blast! (who knows that reference)
Angie Zeiderman, 25, is a self-proclaimed "vintage glitter queen", and models herself after Lady Gaga. She's doing some random show tune partly done with Swedish accent. No, I didn't just make that up. Then after a small disagreement of the judges, she does something more traditional, that being "Blue Bayou", and honestly, if I close my eyes, she sounds pretty good. Then I open them, and realize she looks like a travesty, and know that I don't want her in my Hollywood round. Three YES votes overrule me, though. Blech.
And finally... can you say two words... Magic Cyclops. Who left Iowa because of gambling debts. He also says he has 11,000 air guitars, but there is a guy overseas that has had more.
He chalks up his English accent to watching lots of PBS on television growing up. He sings Neil Diamond, sounds terrible, looks ridiculous and then transitions to "Margaritaville" upon J-Lo's request.
The Lovely Steph Leann says, "See, he can sing on cue, just sparingly..." He gets a unanimous NO shout from all three judges. And Magic Cyclops leaves, empty handed.
So now, we send 31 to Hollywood from Aspen, CO... and tomorrow night, we head to Houston for more Idol!
CHECK BACK HERE TOMORROW NIGHT, AS WE BLOG THE HOUSTON IDOL AUDITIONS