Thursday, January 26, 2012

Houston, We Have an Idol

Cue "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum... naturally.

Some 250 miles above the Earth's surface is a space station, and in that space station is an astronaut, and that astronaut is holding a microphone and telling us that he is an astronaut in a space station hovering some 250 miles above the Earth's surface... some 250 miles above Houston, Texas, above the lines of 10,000 people that are waiting to get into their auditions... those auditions that will help us find the next Lee DeWyze Taylor Hicks Ruben Studdard Carrie Underwood.

Seacrusty opens the show surrounded by a whole lotta Idol hopefuls as the music cues and the credits roll.  Let's get it on!




Nine times Idol has come to Texas, including the first set of auditions... where they found a young lady by the name of Kelly Clarkson.

And first, is a dude names Phong Vu, with an odd accent.  On camera, he starts tearing up about the possibility of being the next American Idol, and just being born in America to begin with.  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

He tells the judges he loves to sing female artists like Celina Dion. Yes, Celina.  And his rendition of "Unbreak My Heart" is probably making the wonderful Toni Braxton reach over and smack her sister.  Sista, even.  The Lovely Steph Leann has no blanket this time, nay, she's feeding Campbell... I think she's about to put the bottle down and cover her face with Campbell himself.  Wouldn't blame her.

Of course, its a NO from all judges.  And even after a NO, he does his best Derek Zoolander and busts out some iconic moves and looks, as he calls it.  And he promises us we'll see him next year.  One can only hope.

And in an unusual move, at least for this season, we see several bad auditions in a row, including three really back country dudes.

BACKSTORY ALERT!  Seventeen year old Skylar Laine, who we see doing a little deer hunting and fishing... we know this by the big deer head hanging on her bedroom wall.  She says, "I don't know if too many 17 year old girls hunt..." which means she's never been to South Alabama.  Her family owns a restaurant, which has hit hard times with the local economy.

She's doing "Hell on Heels" by the Pistol Annies, and sounds awesome.  Love this chick so far. Three YES votes and she's on her way to a Lauren Alaina future!

This is the first incarnation of Baylie Brown, before she was screwed over
by Antonella Barba in the Hollywood Round of Season 6
We see a montage of how some of the Idol hopefuls practice, in mirrors, in front of others, on the sidewalk, and so on.  BAYLIE BROWN IS BACK!  Holy crap!  Talk about one of the best ever and did one of the biggest flame-outs in Hollywood week.  That was five years ago?  Wow...

Now, Baylie is 21, and is singing "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi.  The Lovely Steph Leann gives Campbell and lighter, then holds him up and sways him back and forth.  Three YES votes and she's on her way... rock on.  I'm totally rooting for her.

And here comes Kristina Osorio, who, at 28 years old is at the maximum age limit--this is her one shot.  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  We meet her kids, see her small home, and hear her hard story of the divorce she's going through right now.  She's also covered in tats.  That doesn't mean she can't sing... she took out a loan for her divorce lawyer and instead spent that money on a plane ticket to fly to Texas to audition.  Dave Ramsey would throw up.

She's pretty good, though, tats and all.  As she starts to sing, J-Lo looks up and whispers, "Thank God..."  Three YES votes and she's on her way to Hollywood!

Okay, so about 703p, right as it was coming on, we made the decision to watch Idol around 730, so we could skip through commercials via the magic of DVR.  In that time we could also eat dinner, I could get laundry worked on, I could make a bottle for Camp, The Lovely Steph Leann could do some dishes then feed him and so on.  In the background was one of my favorite guilty pleasures, "Grown Ups" from 2010.

So, about 724p, the screen goes black, and we see "PARTIAL SIGNAL LOSS" on the screen, meaing we couldn't watch the HBO channel it was one... lasted about five minutes or so.  Made me wonder how that would affect the DVR'ing of American Idol.. and now we find out.  We hear Seacrusty say, "Coming up after the break..." then the screen blips, then we go straight to this next chick being judged.  so, now we know.

When we come back, we see a contestant that apparenly just sang.. she giggles, "I'm about to pee myself" and Creepy Uncle Steven says, "Go ahead..."   He says YES, and Randy the Dawg says YES, while J-Lo says, "You need more experience, so NO."  After the chick leaves, J-Lo fusses at the boys and says, "When you watch this back, you are going to wish you'd sent her home."

Now we see a few clips of J-Lo saying NO to people, while the boy judges say YES.  Now we see Seacrusty with... well... you know those Idolites that the producers spot, and think, "There is no frakkin way this person will ever, ever, EVER make it to Hollywood, but this is good tv because we're going to make all kind of fun of this kid while making them feel like we are interested, and when they see it at home and realize we were totally making a debacle out of them, who cares, they'll be at home..."?  That's this guy.

Viva la Idol!
Big chunky dude who asks the judges to, "Grant me the power to bring revolution to the world through my music!"  Bad hair, bad ponytail, tight shirt tucked in... wow.  Alejandro Cazeres is singing "Thinks are Looking Up" by Paramore.  And for some reason, his tongue is blue.  Matches his shirt.  J-Lo tells him flat out his voice is not good enough for American Idol... and Alejandro begs for that chance to show the world what he can do, and how he will fight for the dream harder than anyone.

Randy the Dawg says, "Dude... your voice is terrible."  Alejandro gets on his knees to beg, "What can I do?! What can I do to make it!"  And the bouncer comes out and ushers him out.  Its never a good time when Big Hoss says, "Time to go" and puts his firm hand on your back to show you the door.  Viva la revolucion indeed.

And we now go to Day Two in Texas, as we see J-Lo in a tiny little top that stops about an inch below the bottom boob line.

Cortez Shaw is next with a BACKSTORY ALERT!  He used to be homeless, had a hard life, but believes in himself and his future.  He's kicking up "Someone Like You" by Adele, putting a little snap and rhythm to it... dude, I like this guy.  He sounds fun.

Randy the Dawg says, "What else you got?" while J-Lo says, "What?!  He was awesome!"  Cortez gets a YES from The Dawg and from J-Lo, and Creepy Uncle Steven says YES too.   Golden Ticket in hand, Cortez rushes out to his cheering family and friends.

The Idol Dream burns bright, as we hear about five Idolites say something about how they are the next Idol, or the next big thing.  Poor Adele.  "Rolling in the Deep" just got butchered, and no joke, Campbell just started whimpering.   Another bad rendition, this time of "Heard It Through the Grapevine"... were I the late Marvin Gaye, I'd come back and haunt this chick.

"Unbreak My Heart" makes another appearance by a guy (?) who makes The Lovely Steph Leann say, "Is that a girl?"  Randy the Dawg lowers his head behind the table to laugh.

And here we are, the last contestant of the day.  Rimino Garcia is from Houston, TX, and works as a worship leader.  BACKSTORY ALERT.. he was born with... get ready for this... no ears.  Surgeries repaired and built him ear canals when he was a youngling, and how he grew up learning how to hear.  His hair is a bit shaggy, so we cannot see the sides of his head.

"Amazing Grace" is his audition, and though its not fantastic, its also not bad.  He certainly sounds better than some of the people they have put through... and I really like this guy.  Creepy Uncle Steven likes him lots, too.  Randy the Dawg is hopeful for him, and says YES.  J-Lo says its a "leap of faith" and says YES too.

Rimino's dad is crying outside the door, even more so when Rimiro emerges with a Golden Ticket.  Awesome.  For all of Idol's emotional pandering, this was a good story.

A total of 55 Golden Tickets were given out in Houston (and Galveston, down the road, where some of the auditions were held), making the total bound for Hollywood like, 4,098 or something.  Seriously.  And next week, we head to the northwest in Portland, I believe.

And I'll be here giving you the note-by-note replay.  I watch it so you don't have to!

No comments:

Post a Comment

I want to hear your response! Click here!!