Friday, April 29, 2011

The King of Idols

Living in Alabama, in the real world, there are good times and bad times, and this weeks worth of storms definately qualify as "bad times"... even fills up the entire catagory, I would say.

So, its silly for me to rail about having to watch the Idol peformances on Friday, when they came on on Wednesday night, because Wednesday night, The Lovely Steph Leann and I were sitting on the couch, watching amazing, awe-inspiring and at the same time, heart breaking live video of a mile-wide tornado destroy half of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and level about a dozen other small towns. 

Fox 6 promised that Idol would come on on Thursday afternoon, but instead, they showed a press conference, and ya know, I can't say I was too upset about that.  It would have been nice to have a little scroll that said, "American Idol will be broadcast at such and such time", but as they were covering the search and rescue of neighboring towns... I say towns, its more like thousands of piles of rubble and junk now... anyway, I can't complain too much.

So, I won't go too deep into this week's Idol, because frankly, I just don't feel like its as important as other things... but since I want to stay consistant...

This is American Idol.

Seacrusty opens up the show by telling us that out of 134 billion people who auditioned, there are six that remain... Deep Voiced Scotty... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... The Soulful Jacob Lusk... The Saved Casey A... and Haley "Not Hot But Cute" Reinhart.

Tonight's theme is the music of singer/songwriter Carole King.  I do like--like, not love--Carole King, but some of her stuff is a little much for me.  "You've Got a Friend" is a song that I just cannot stand, especially since it was really made famous by James Taylor, a dude that I'm not a fan of either way, I will say that "Its Too Late", "Feel the Earth Move" and her version of "Feel Like a Natural Woman" are fantastic.  And her song "Where You Lead" is the theme song of The Gilmore Girls, a show that whether you admit it or not, everyone likes.  The hotness of Lauren Graham alone is enough to keep me looking up at the screen when The Lovely Steph Leann is having a marathon session of Gilmore.

Oh, and the night just gets better... the mentor is not Will.He.Be this time around, its Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds.  Back in the 90s, Babyface was Da Man, producing hits for Mariah and Whitney and Boyz II Men and so on, and that continues to this day, really.  But he had an awesome solo career that includes awesome R&B hits like "For the Cool in You", and the soft ballad "When Can I See You" and the sweet ballad "Everytime I Close My Eyes" and the strangely but cooly named "Whip Appeal" and back up on Eric Clapton's Grammy winning song "Change the World", and of course, this one song that has 58 plays on my iPod (that's just the single--the video itself has 37 more plays), mostly because I love singing this song really, really loudly in Red Robin when I'm cruising down the highway...


Where was I?  Oh yeah, American Idol.

So, I would say if I were in the Top Six, I would be thrilled that Will.He.Boom.Boom.Pow.Am is gone, and a true master of musical production came in.  I mean, I could see Babyfact doing "My Humps", but I cannot see Will.He.Shut.Up singing "...And Our Feelings".  And if you think I also love this song because it has a ellipses to start the title, well... you might be right.  I love me some ellipseses... ... ... ...

I want Babyface to sing at my birthday party. 

Back to the show.

The Soulful Jacob Lusk is up first.  Jimmy Iovine says, "He's an incredible singer... but I think he's in the most jeopardy."  I agree.  Especially with a plaid blazer, a purple bow tie, a yellow shirt and an aqua vest.  And an off tune cover of "Oh No Not My Baby."

Crazy, Creepy Uncle Steven thought it was beautiful.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it.

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is singing "Where You Lead", the aforementioned theme to the late WB show.  I kinda like this arrangement, and maybe I'm too used to the Gilmore version, I keep forgetting the original.   ADLA does kind of put a country spin on it...  she ends it sitting on the steps singing into the eyes of some random dude brought on stage as a prop. 

...I also keep forgetting that when the show is an hour and a half, they have a lot longer to sing with just six people as opposed to 12 or even 9 or 10. 

J-Lo loved it.  Seriously, I just noticed that Randy the Dawg was wearing a 50s high school sweatery type sweater, with a big "R" on it... I thought either "Riverdale" or "Rydell".   He drops the "in it to win it!" stuff on her.  Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful.

So, now, its duet time, with The Saved Casey A and Haley Cuteness singing "Feel The Earth Move"... of course, they won't admit it, but they are alluding to the rumors that Casey and Haley, sitting in a tree, s-i-n-g-i-n-g and all that.  Is it bad to say I kinda wish The Saved Casey A would go away in this song, and I could hear Haley Cuteness sing the whole thing solo? 

Steven Tyler says it was beautiful.  I'm sure J-Lo loved it.

Now, its Deep Voiced Scotty the Body singing "You've Got a Friend."  Soft, tender, kinda sweet... not a fan of the song itself, but I'm impressed Deep Voiced Scotty can really bring this to life.  Just enough country to make it a possible country single for him, but just different enough to not make you say, "he's doing the same thing over and over!"  Not that that's bad, because he's good at that same thing.

Randy the Dawg thought he turned the other cheek.  Wait... what?  According to The Dawg, Scotty's in it to win it, dawg.  Uncle Steven thought it was great.  J-Lo loved it.

So now its The Straight Adam Lambert, the one and only Blinky James.  He's doing "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow", as made famous by The Shirelles in 1960, and you might recognize the music from "Dirty Dancing".  He starts out a capella, crooning like a rock star into the mic.  And it sounds pretty good. 

It does turn into a rock song, because that's who he is, but it still ends great too.  Not sure what Steven Tyler just said, but he apparently made out to this song in a bowling alley.  Or something like that.  J-Lo loved it.   Randy the Dawg tells him he's turned the other cheek, and HE'S IN IT TO WIN IT!!  He might WIN THE WHOLE THING!!! 

And now, our next duet, with America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina and Deep Voiced Scotty, and Seacrusty is trying to lead to that whole "what's going on between you two?" and both are a little embarrassed, and saying, "We are like brother and sister" and thinking, "I hate you Seacrusty, I hate you."

They are singing "Up on the Roof", and though both voices are great, the song is kinda boring for me.  J-Lo loved it.

So now, The Saved Casey A is taking on the Blood, Sweat and Tears classic "Hi-de-Ho That Old Sweet Roll", a song that I didn't know I knew until I heard The Saved Casey A sing it.   Randy the Dawg liked it lots.  Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful. J-Lo loved it. 

He was a bit too growly for me.

And finally, in The Pimp Spot, its Haley Cuteness... and I'm immediately distracted by her headband.  Like, she could have been rehearsing with Babyface and Jimmy Iovine, and been wearing a bra and a a leopard print tutu, and I still would have been captivated by that ridiculous headband.  Her song is "Beautiful", and I'll say it... she has grown and grown in this competition, and I officially love me some Haley Cuteness.  There.  I said it.

Steven Tyler claims he saw God in Haley's performance... so he liked it.  Randy the Dawg didn't love the beginning, but liked the ending mucho.  J-Lo loved it. 

The final duet of the night?  The Straight Adam Lambert and The Soulful Jacob Lusk is doing "I'm Into Something Good", made famous by Herman's Hermits.  The original song?  Awesome.  The performance?  Silly and weird.  Flipping J-Lo's chair around and singing to her as she tries to cross her legs quickly because her dress barely covers her waist?  Awkward. 

For my money...
Haley Cuteness... Deep Voiced Scotty... The Straight Adam Lambert... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... The Saved Casey A... The Soulful Jacob Lusk

And now... THE RESULTS!

As the judges walk out, I observe that Steven Tyler looks like a gay pirate and a gay cowboy had a baby.   Seacrusty comes out and tells us, "Tonight, a lot of fans will be disappointed at the results..." letting us know that The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Haley Cuteness will NOT be going home. 

Group Song... fast forward.

Ford Music Video... fast forward.

Crystal Bowersox singing... fast forward

Viewer questions for the Idols... for some reasons, we aren't fast forwarding. 

Dim the lights!  Results time!  Haley comes to centerstage, as they show clips from last night.  Jimmy Iovine shows up and says, "She doesn't know who she is..." to which Haley mouths a bad word... remember, people, this is a theme night show.  Geez louise.

After the nationwide vote, Seacrusty declares her SAFE and sends her back to the Couch of Comfort. 

Deep Voiced Scotty comes centerstage.  Seacrusty tells him to take a seat and relax again, with no definite answer.  America's Darlin Lauren Alaina comes centerstage.  She is then sent to the Couch of Comfort with no answers.  The Saved Casey A comes centerstage.   He then goes back to the couch with no answers.

The Straight Adam Lambert comes up... and is SAFE!  The Soulful Jacob Lusk now comes up, centerstage.   Seacrusty then brings up Deep Voiced Scotty, The Saved Casey A and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina to the stage... then sends America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina back to The Couch of Comfort.

Mind you, he never said Scotty, Casey and Jacob were in the Bottom Three...

Bruno Mars singing.  Fast forwarding.

Dim the lights... here we go!  After 48 billion votes last night, The Soulful Jacob Lusk is SAFE.  Now, its The Saved Casey A and Deep Voiced Scotty standing together... Randy the Dawg is opened jawed, and J-Lo is befuddled. 

The Eliminated Casey A is going home.

The judges give him a Standing O, Haley Cuteness looks on the verge of tears, and The Voted-Off Casey A sings "I Put a Spell On You", kissing J-Lo, hugging Steven Tyler and Randy the Dawg, then smooches about 938 people in the front row, and hugs another 83 more. 

He ends the show by staring at Haley Cuteness while saying the line, "... YOU'RE MINE...."

Gotta hand it to him... The Dropped Like a Bad Habit Casey A has got style.

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