Thursday, May 05, 2011

Idols In It To Win It!

Just a warning... I have a very liberal amount of italics, statements in bold, lots of ellipses and sometimes all three in one sentence.  Its a grammatical nightmare.  Oh, and this has video on it, so if you reading on the Facebook, shift over to The Mothership and read it on mine own site.  Thanks.

The atmosphere in Hollywood is electric, is crazy, is pumped and geared for the Idols! 

The atmosphere in The Cabana?  Relaxed.  Well-fed.  Simple.  Quiet, except for The Lovely Steph Leann's subtle movements on the couch under her blankie, and the typing of this post.  Oh, and the show itself.  Its Thursday evening, The Lovely Steph Leann is back from a Pensacola trip, and for the first time in a long, long while, we are going to watch the show together, comments and all.

The Top Five await... The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Deep Voiced Scotty... Haley Cuteness... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... The Straight Adam Lambert... and Randy the Dawg wonders, "Who is in it to win it?"  Because some of the Idols are here not to win.  Right.


And tonight's mentor!  Sheryl Crow, one of my top five favorite artists of all, all time.  I love, love love Sheryl Crow and am pumped she's on the show tonight... yes, yes, she had the toilet paper remark, but I still love me some Sheryl.  She helped define my college career.

#10... "The First Cut is the Deepest" from "The Very Best of"

#9... "Strong Enough (live)" with The Dixie Chicks, from "Live from Central Park

Each of the Idols gets two songs, the first being a modern song, and the second being one from "Back in the day" as Seacrusty puts it.

First!  Modern Songs!

The Straight Adam Lambert is up first, singing.. "30 Seconds to... something".  To Mars?  To Morrow?  In it to win it?  Who knows.

Uncle Steven says, "You kicked that song's a**."  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg thought it showed where Blinky James can go as an artist.  The Straight Adam Lambert is in it to win it.  Dawg.

Now, The Soulful Jacob Lusk is ready to sing Idol winner Jordin Sparks song "No Air", a song that I can pretty much tell you that I not only know nothing about, I don't know that I've ever heard the entire thing.  Or part of it.  I do know that Chris Brown sang with Jordin on this--Rhianna says you can't beat that.  Ha!

This performance leads to the following exchange:

Me:  This... this sounds horrible.
Her:  What... what is he doing?  His dancing is... what? (pause).  They did this song on Glee.  I liked it on Glee. 

J-Lo liked it.  Randy the Dawg didn't like The Soulful Jacob Lusk's direction, and didn't like him trying to sing a duet song solo.  Uncle Steven Tyler loves his voice. 

#8... "Can't Cry Anymore" from "Tuesday Night Music Club"

#7... "Picture" with Kid Rock, from "The Very Best of"

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is taking on Carrie Underwood's tune, "Flat on the Floor", from the album "Carnival Ride".   We open the performance with a fiddle, and I like it already.  Then she starts to sing, and I love it.  Rock on.

The awesome Dr. Callie Torres of Seattle Grace Mercy
West Hospital.
The Lovely Steph Leann is giddy because she spots Dr. Callie Torres in the audience.  Seeing that FOX is an Idol show, I'm not sure that Seacrusty is going to introduce Dr. Torres to us.

Randy the Dawg declares America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina to be "in it to win it."  Steven Tyler says, "For 15, the sky is the limit!"  (The Lovely Steph Leann mutters, "She's 16, Steven, she's 16.")  J-Lo loved it.

Now, its time for Deep Voiced Scotty "the Body", and he'll be doing his country roots justice with Montgomery Gentry's "Gone". 

I declared this... were I of 17 or 18 years old, in this competition and singing with Sheryl Crow... I'm asking her out.  No stinkin' joke.  She'd say no, but I would walk out of there knowing I hit on Sheryl Crow, and that's good enough for me.

Once again, Deep Voiced Scotty is doing the country thang, and doing it very, very well.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg felt as if he were at a Scotty the Body concert.  And.. guess what, Deep Voiced Scotty's "in it to win it!!!"

We are back from break, and I wonder aloud if Haley Cuteness' boobs have their own number.  The Lovely Steph Leann grunts and says, "Yeah, they aren't that big." 

Haley is doing a Gaga song, an unreleased track that she was able to get permission from Lady G herself to sing.  Its "You and I", and Sheryl Crow loves it. 

Haley Cuteness starts on the steps, seated, and singing in her sultry voice.  She looks great, though I figure it wouldn't take much to convince me that she got her sparkly pants out of Pauly Mac's closet. 

What can I say?  I love Haley Reinhart now. 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "You and I?  Its not really grammatically correct.  Lady Gaga needs to fix that.   I laugh heartily.

J-Lo didn't care for it.  What?  What?!  You dug Blinky James but didn't like Haley Cuteness?  Her issue is the same as Randy the Dawg's issue, which is, Haley shouldn't have done a song that no one knows about.   Uncle Steven says, "you are one perfect song away from being the American Idol... you need to find that song..."

#6... "A Change Would Do You Good" from "Sheryl Crow"

#5... "Anything but Down" from "The Globe Sessions"

Back in the Day Song Time!

The Straight Adam Lambert is tearing up while listening to "Without You" by Nilsson, to the point where he leaves the rehearsal studio sniffling.  Sheryl Crow and Jimmy Iovine both look at each other in bewilderment.  The original is a fantastic song, both by Nilsson and Pre-Skank Mariah Carey... how does Blinky James do?

With tears streaming down his face, you can judge this two ways... first, you can say that it was very heartfelt and honest, which led to his voice being shaky.  Or, second, you can say it just wasn't that great.  I kinda fall in between... it was an emotional song, and I liked it.  Didn't love it, but liked it.

Randy the Dawg agrees with me, and says that "this competition is yours to lose."  Uncle Steven said it was pitchy in a Blinky James sort of way, but still beautiful.  J-Lo loved it.

Seacrusty says, "Up next, The Soulful Jacob Lusk with a Nazareth hit!"  Wait... what?

The Lovely Steph Leann asks who Nazareth is, and I reply, "They do that song 'Love Hurts'... you know... love huuuurrrttss!  Love... something..." cause I couldn't remember the next line.  She says, "Uh, oh yeah... that one... sure."

Okay, so he starts out pretty good, strong, soft, but not too much... yet, he finished with a screech and a wail and too much.  The Lovely Steph Leann agrees.

Uncle Steven Tyler loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg says, "that might have been the highest note ever sung on this stage!"  What are they listening to? 



We notice Sir Anthony Hopkins in the audience, and Seacrusty does too as he introduces him, along with Kelly Preston.. and Dr. Torres sits a few seats away, and gets no love.  Because she gets a check from ABC.

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing "Unchained Melody", which prompts The Lovely Steph Leann to say, "Really?  The Righteous Brothers have other songs that are just, if not more, fabulous!!" 

The original kind of bores me, and her version kinda does too.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it.  Steven Tyler loved it. 

Deep Voiced Scotty's second song is "Always on My Mind" by Willie Nelson (though I think he said Elvis... maybe Elvis did this song, but Willie is the only one I know of...)  I grew up on old school country, so this song was a staple around my house.

Anyway, it sounded like Scotty, which meant it sounds country good.  Country strong.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it.  Steven Tyler loved it. 

Seacrusty says, "Up next, Haley Cuteness takes on  The Animals!"

Me: I hope she doesn't do "House of the Rising Sun"
Her:  Well, sure... did The Animals do anything else?
Haley Cuteness:  I am doing The Animals' "House of the Rising Sun"

Sheryl Crow suggests Haley start out acapella.  I would say if Sheryl told me I should start out with a banana peel on my head and a booger on my left eyelid, I'd do it, at least when it comes to singing, so naturally Haley Cuteness starts the song sans instruments.

I'm not a fan of this song in its original form, but Haley has seemingly made this song sexy... which she seems to do with anything she sings.  Go Haley.

The Lovely Steph Leann observes that Dr. Callie Torres loved, judging by her woot woot'ness.  Randy the Dawg calls this the song of the night.  Steven Tyler loved it.  J-Lo loved it. 



So here is how I rank the songs tonight, for my own personal preference... (1) America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's "Flat on the Floor"...  (2) Haley Cuteness' "You and I"... (3) The Straight Adam Lambert's "Without You"... (4) Deep Voiced Scotty's "Always on My Mind"... (5) Haley Cuteness' "House of the Rising Sun"... (6) The Straight Adam Lambert's "30 Seconds to Mars"... (7) Deep Voiced Scotty's "Gone"... (8) America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's "Unchained Melody"... (9) The Soulful Jacob Lusk's "Love Hurts"... (10) The Soulful Jacob Lusk's "No Air"

And for me, The Soulful Jacob Lusk needs to go home. 





I fast forward to the next show and stop when the judges enter the stage... and The Lovely Steph Leann begins to shriek.  What?!  What?? I ask, and she is horrified.  Horrified by Jennifer Lopez's short skirt.  "Make her sit down so I don't have to see that!  But I wonder how much of her butt will be on that chair, because there's no way that skirt is going to cover her butt when she sits down... make her sit down!"

Seacrusty comes out and discusses Steven Tyler's new book, his autobiography, "Do You Hear The Noise In My Head."

Seacrusty:  Tonight!  J-Lo will be doing her latest smash single!
Me: That means you'll get to see that skirt again.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Uuugghhh....

Group Song... fast forward

Commercial break.. fast forward

Ford Music Video... fast forward

Video with the Idols in Hell's Kitchen.  We actually watch this, even though its shameless self-promotion.  Its amusing.  They all cook omelets for Chef Ramsey's approval... and southern girl America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina gets the only good comment from Ramsey--that's good ol southern cooking at its finest.

And now, here's the new song from their new album... its Lady Antebellum's "Just a Kiss"... and I dare not touch the remote, lest I get divorced like, tomorrow. 

Up now, in another example of making a 10 minute show into an hour... a funny video about the Idol's decisions in fashion and picking songs.



Now, let's get to the results!  Dim the lights!   The Straight Adam Lambert stands up, and after a review of last night, is sent to the other side of the stage to "start a group".  My prediction is the whole, two Idols on one side, two Idols on the other, and the remaining Idol will have to decide which group to join... they love to do it, and haven't done it so far this season. 

After Jimmy Iovine says, "Based on last night, I think America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina will be in the bottom three", America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is led to stand on the near side of the stage, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Aww!  She's about to cry!  Look!  Don't cry!!"

Commercial Break.  Fast Forward

Another Hell's Kitchen/Idol video.  We watch.

J-Lo's performance of her new single.  Fast Forward

Commercial Break.  Fast Forward.

More results!  Dim the lights!  The Soulful Jacob Lusk stands up.  After Jimmy Iovine doesn't give him much hope, he is asked to stand next to America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, who is probably thinking "Crap!"  And now, Haley Cuteness is up for review.   She is sent over to join The Straight Adam Lambert. 

Finally, Deep Voiced Scotty stands.  Seacrusty says, "You have never been in the Bottom Two... and tonight?  No different... you are safe."   But, Seacrusty tells Deep Voiced Scotty to go stand with who he thinks is in The Bottom Two, and Deep Voiced Scotty says, "Don't do that, man, don't do that to me."  Seacrusty pulls him to The Straight Adam Lambert and Haley Cuteness, and says, "you are all three safe!"

Based on Seacrusty saying, "And you might be surprised at the results" earlier in the show, I say, "I am afraid America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is going home."   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "NO!  She can't go home!!!"

After 60 billion votes, the person going home tonight is... The Soulful Jacob Lusk.

 I breath a huge sigh of relief... I was actually nervous and my stomach was kinda twisty at the thought he would stay and America's Darlin Lauren Alaina would go home.  Whew. 


 From the album "The Globe Sessions", its "My Favorite Mistake". 

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