Thursday, April 21, 2011

Idols of the 21st Century (now with results!)

Man, I am turning into an Idol blog, and an Idol blog only... thats the tough part about American Idol--when I don't have time to post anything during a week, I get the Idol blog up, and then it looks like that is all I care about.... when that's just not true! 

Its been so busy around Clouds in My Coffee... got a podcast going now... working a ton... making sure I get some TV and quality time with The Lovely Steph Leann... making sure I get a lunch in with my friend Melanie... making sure I get some wrestling time in with my best mate Wookiee... watching Survivor, The Celebrity Apprentice and Grey's Anatomy... reading "Onward"... and keeping up with Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship).  So, yes, I've been sorta busy, so consider this my apology that when you come here, all you see is Idol Idol Idol! 

How about this... new material up this weekend?  I promise.

For now, thought... this is in fact, American Idol...

So, bad weather is rolling in overnight, and usually when that happens, the local networks are overtaken by meteorologists.   Sometimes they just cut out of the show, then cut back to the show still in progress, other times they pre-empt it and show it in its entirety at like, 217am.   So if you have no kind of recording device, DVR, TiVo, VCR, whatever, you are outta luck. 

However, I have little fear that American Idol's DVR airing that I'm watching at this very moment will be cut away from... because this is the #1 show in the country, and the biggest cash cow for Fox, like, ever.  So not a big deal.

I do hate it, though, when they slap a weather map in the corner and half the screen is taken up by outlines of counties that are far away from here. 

And here's the show... we open up with ProActiv Girl Ashthon, Thiamegia, Peepee Tuscany, K-Rod and Pauly Mac... and of course, the girl we can't get rid of, Nagasaki Aladdaba.  They are doing butchering an already bad song by P!nk, so let's just fast forward a bit...

So, tonight's theme is Songs from the 21st Century... so all the songs that were done after 2000.  So what does Deep Voiced Scotty do?   "Swingin'" by Leann Rimes...

But does he realize that "Swingin'" is a song from the early 80s by John Anderson?  Classic.  There's a little girl in my neighborhood, her name is Charlotte Johnson and she's really looking good, well I had to go see her so I called her on the phone, walked over to her house and this was going on...

Did that straight from memory. 

Deep Voiced Scotty sounds like every other time he sings... but it works.  Its not as good as I've heard him, but country music is going to snatch him up.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Stevie loved Deep Voiced Scotty.

J-Lo... didn't love it.  Randy the Dawg agrees with Jennifer Lopez. 

Up next, its The Straight Adam Lambert, aka, Blinky James Durbin.  By the way, they are showing videos of the Idols discussing the Idol in question... they riffed on Deep Voice Scotty's tendency to sing with the mic sideways, out of the side of his mouth, and now they riff on The Straight Adam Lambert's scarfy tale and screeching.

Jimmy Iovine likes the fact he's singing a Muse song, not that I know who that is.  I think I've heard of them.  Him.  Her.  Yeah.  So, he has a quartet of drummers come out, and he follows them to the stage.  He actually sounds pretty good, though he sounds kinda like a second rate Bon Jovi, circa 1986. 

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it.  Uncle Stevie riffs on The Straight Adam Lambert's outfit, but loved the song too.

And now, its Haley Cuteness, as the other Idols joke on her growl and her arm waving.  They don't show The Saved Casey A at all--it appears that he and Haley Cuteness are an item.  As in, they are going together.  As in, they are going out.  As in, boyfriend and girlfriend. 

And, she's doing my current favorite song, "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele, so I look forward to this.  Okay, so I know she gets a lot of grief on this show, and her voice isn't perfect, but I love her rasp, and I love her version of this song.  This was a perfect choice for her, and it sounded phenom.

Randy the Dawg thought it was great.  Uncle Stevie loved it.  J-Lo loved it. 

Coming in fourth now, its The Soulful Jacob Lusk, and he'll be singing some Luther Vandross.  All the Idols call him "diva" and laugh about his "yeah yeah yeah"s during his songs. 

He's doing "Dance With My Father", but really, I'd love him to do something a little faster.  He starts, and has a blip at the beginning, though I don't know if she missed the words or it was an emotional thing.  He ends up taking out his earpiece.

I just got done doing 2 hours worth of recording for The Deucecast Episode III: Podcast of the Sith, I was up at 4am this morning and at work by 420, and had another meeting all day.  So I'm tired.  This song is not helping me stay awake.   It was boring. 

Uncle Stevie loved it.  J-Lo... didn't love it.  Randy the Dawg didn't love it either. 

The Saved Casey A is next, and the other Idols are wearing fake long beards and poking fun at him.  They all take turns playing weird instruments and mock him .

Tonight, he's singing "Harder to Breath" by Maroon 5, while playing his guitar.  And he's rockin' it.  If I wasn't really paying attention, you would be able to convince me that this was Adam Levine, though I would be able to figure it out pretty quickly.  Good job, The Saved Casey A.  And he ends it by singing right to the judges, then at the end, gives a quick smooch to J-Lo.  And tonight, she looks great, so I don't blame him one bit.  I hope Haley Cuteness doesn't come claw her eyes out.

J-Lo loved it.  The song too.  Randy the Dawg thought it was great.   Steven Tyler said something that got bleeped, and everyone's mouth dropped, so apparently it was a compliment.   And Seacrusty came up, wearing the fake The Saved Casey A beard, and looking a bit Amish.

We are back from break, with tape over Steven Tyler's mouth.  He then sticks his tongue through a photo of Seacrusty. 

Ah, its Stefano Italiano!  The Idols jank on his cockiness and that he loves to flirt with anything and anybody.  He's doing "Closer" by Neo, and as he sings, I find myself being a bit bored again.  He's more exciting than The Soulful Jacob Lusk, and at least he's not doing a ballad, but nonetheless, I am yawning, and find my looking ahead to what America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina might sing.  Or thinkin about Haley Cuteness' polka dotted dress.

Randy the Dawg thought it was going to be a little jerky, but you know what, it was hot right there!   Uncle Stevie Tyler thinks it was a good job.  J-Lo loved it.  Steven Tyler has a lip print on his face, and Seacrusty asks him where he got it, and Steven Tyler's other daughter, Alana, is in the audience.   I think Liv got all the looks.  I mean, ALL. 

Finally!  America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is up now, and the Idols are singing "Born to Fly" by Sara Evans. I saw her and her hubby--that's Sara Evans, not America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina--come through our Starbucks drive thru not too long ago, in a big Hummer.   She had little make up on, and still looked great.  Some people.

Americaa's Darlin' Lauren Alaina comes out, wearing a skirt a little too short for the junk in her trunk, but sounds great.   Steven Tyler loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it.

So for me, here's best to last:  Haley Cuteness... The Saved Casey A... America's Darlin Lauren Aliana.... The Straight Adam Lambert... Deep Voiced Scotty... Stefano Italiano... The Soulful Jacob Lusk

Now, I'm predicting America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, Deep Voiced Scotty, The Straight Adam Lambert and The Saved Casey A are going to be safe.  I'm thinking Haley Cuteness, Stefano Italiano and The Soulful Jacob Lusk are Bottom Three, with Jacob going home.  Just my predictions.


And here we are, with The Lovely Steph Leann and I finally watching Idol together... granted, its the results show, but yes, we are together.  Seacrusty comes out and tells us that there were 83,038,723,038.7 votes cast last night... and that was just votes from Rhode Island!

Performing slaughtering Train's "Hey Soul Sister", here is The Soulful Jacob Lusk, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, Haley Cuteness and Stefano Italiano... we fast forward.

Then commercial break.  We fast forward

Then the Ford commercial.  We fast forward.

Then The Saved Casey A and Deep Voiced Scotty and The Straight Adam Lambert performing Coldplay's song that I can't remember the name of... Viva la something... Viva la poolhouse?  I dunno.  The Lovely Steph Leann is holding the remote, so our fast forwarding is erratic and pitchy.

And now, the Idols are on the couch, and The Saved Casey A holds up a painting sent in by a fan... kinda creepy.

The results, you ask?  Well, here we go!

The Saved Casey A gets up, as does The Soulful Jacob Lusk.  Who stays on the Comfort Couch, and who makes the long ominous walk to the Silver Stools of Suck?  America loves The Saved Casey A, and he sits on the Comfort Couch.  What about The Soulful Jacob Lusk?  He heads to the Silver Stools of Suck...

Commercial break.  We fast forward.

David Cook performing.  We fast forward.  The Lovely Steph Leann wants to listen.  Finally, we fast forward. 

Commercial break.  We fast forward.

We do end up watching a fun little video of the Idols going to a Dodgers game (me:  were they the only ones there?  look at those empty seats!) and then bowling.   Haley Cuteness even has low cut bowling shirts.  Seriously.  Then they head to a spa, which works on Stefano Italiano's unibrow and gives a mani-pedi to Deep Voiced Scotty. 

Back to results!  Seacrusty tells us that two more people will join The Soulful Jacob Lusk on the Silver Stools of Suck.   America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, Stefano Italiano and The Straight Adam Lambert join Seacrusty in the middle of the stage.   After almost the entire world's voting, Stefano Italiano is in the Bottom Three.  Again.  And I'm so shocked right now.

Deep Voiced Scotty and Haley Cuteness come to the center of the stage, and Haley Cuteness must be thinking "I'm with Deep Voiced Scotty and one of us is going to the Silver Stools of Suck?  Craaaaaap....  freakin' bottom three..."

After the nationwide vote... Seacrusty said, "DEEP VOICED SCOTTY!!" then threw in a "wow" like we would be fooled, then said, "You are safe." 

Oh, Seacrusty, you faker! 

Haley Cuteness joins The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Stefano Italiano on the Silver Stools of Suck, the Seacrusty pulls her to the center of the stage again, then whispers, "Haley Cuteness... you are safe..."

The Lovely Steph Leann:  "Seacrusty!  You teaser!! "

Commerical break.  We fast forward.

Katy Perry comes out to perform. 

The Lovely Steph Leann after seeing Katy Perry's outfit:  "Oh, we are definately fast forwarding now."  So we do.

Finally... who goes home?  The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Stefano Italiano stand in the middle of the stage.   Dim the lights, here we go.

The person leaving Idol tonight is... Stefano.  Finally, we knew it would catch up to him eventually, he's been the luckiest Idol in the history of the show.   Camera cut to The Straight Adam Lambert, who has his face in his hands, seemingly in tears.

Good thing for him, though, he's been expecting this for about seven straight weeks. 

Until next time.

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