Thursday, March 31, 2011

Idols Sing Dame Elton John

In one of the weirdest, craziest, most dramatic ever (sounds like I'm talking about a Rose Ceremony on The Bachelor) elimination shows last week, Casey A was eliminated... voted out by America... saved by the Judges Save before he got one line into his song... then did a collapsing all over the room, on his parents, on the judges, on the Idols, on Seacrusty...

...but that means, no more second chances.  The Judges Save has been used, is gone and is no more.  What America wants, America will get, which sometimes means America does dumb stuff without knowing what they are doing (Obama?)... Now, its over.  The Top Eleven compete tonight, and tomorrow night, TWO PEOPLE get booted.




Seacrusty comes out, and The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, slowly... "Ryan got... a new do... he got... his hair after all these years the same... now its different... I think... I think... I don't know... I dunno..."  Leave it to The Lovely Steph Leann to keepz it realz.

Tonight, its the music of Elton John, a true legend, and one of my Top Ten Artists of All Time.  I mean, he's an idiot now, he's a little bit crazy, he's got anger issues... but he's fantastic. 

1) "Tiny Dancer"
2) "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" (The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite Elton tune)
3) "Your Song"
4) "Take Me to the Pilot"
5) "Rocketman"
6) "I Guess Thats Why They Call It The Blues"
7) "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"
8) "Something About the Way You Look Tonight"
9) "Daniel"
10) "Philadelphia Freedom"

Its a little odd when Uncle Steven and J-Lo are looking at someone bigger and more important than themselves... Dame Elton John.

First up, Deep Voiced Scotty.  He's singing "Country Comfort" a song that is a little obscure, but was chosen because "it has the word 'country' in it..."

Once again, I'll say its not exceptional, but good.  He's seldom exceptional, but he's always really good.   And Uncle Steven says he's very good.  J-Lo says he was awesome.  And Randy the Dawg says, "I feel like I'm at your concert!  You have seasoned so fast on this show!"

Up now, its Niaba Beibaha doing something, as Seacrusty put it, "with a reggae twist".  And I just groan.   She's doing "I'm Still Standing", and so instead of groaning, I'm kind of excited... this might be the train wreck that gets her booted, with no Judge Save!

She says, in bad Jamiacan, "Dees on goes ot to all the peeples of tha worl who are sufferin..."   She sings her reggae swag, and J-Lo says, "I love you" about nine times, and then says she's not sure that this song is good for a reggae turn.  Randy the Dawg agrees with J-Lo, and though he loves reggae, he says the song itself came off corny.   Uncle Steven says, "boom shacka lacka lacka baby..."  He just says "good for you for picking a song that fits you...."  That's like someone wearing a horrible shirt, and having someone say, "You wear that well."

Okay, so when I typed those last words, "...wear that well..." it was 815p on Wednesday night.  I had to leave The Cabana and head over to The Deucecast Studios to do... a podcast.  Our podcast.  Yes, my buddy Mikey, Shawn and Tommy Mac, and also, from C'nooga, Matty R, are doing a podcast called The Deucecast.  We've been taping a few shows over the last few weeks, "test" episodes.  Our first real show is next week.  You'll hear more soon...

So every thing you read following was started on Thursday, 540ish, broken up again by having dinner with Melanie and the family at Pablos...

And we're back...

Up next is Pauly Mac... he's doing Elton John's "Rocketman", a song that he says his band covered before.  With a "How y'all doing this evening?" he strums his guitar, starts softly and dives into the rich, beautiful song.  The only thing more distracting than Pauly Mac's glistening, white teeth is that rose embroidered jacket.  He's one Bedazzler away from being the second coming of Porter Waggoner.

I really enjoy how subdued this cover is.  This would be great in a coffeehouse, as would his entire set.  Randy the Dawg called it a "quiet comfort", that was a bit pitchy, but overall good, but he and J-Lo both think he's holding back a bit.  And I just noticed that his pants match the jacket, with roses up and down.  Steven Tyler comments on this, and I'm really not sure exactly what he just said. 

And now, its Peepee Tuscany with her version of "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me (yeah!)", probably the one Elton John song I'm apathetic about.  I don't hate it, I can listen to it, but its not anywhere on my Elton playlist.  As a matter of fact, when I think of this song, I don't even think of Elton singularly, I think of his collaboration with George Michael (ladies and gentleman, meestah elton jahn!) and how huge that song was back in the 90s.

Peepee was told not to do another ballad, but Jimmy Iovine, the mentor/helper/producer/guider guy tells her if she can do it well, then do it.  And she does.

She walks out in a sparkly dress that most Disco Balls would be quite envious of.  Gotta tell ya, though, Peepee has a great, great voice.  Maybe her personality is not as cool and fun as Casey A or The Straight Adam Lambert, but her voice might be the best in this competition, if you are talking pure vocal talent.  And she gets hotter every week that goes by.  Just sayin'.

Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  Ballad or no balled, the judges love her.  J-Lo hollers her praises.  Randy the Dawg defends his "no more ballads" comment, saying "You sing ballads and you slay them, but I want you to switch your gears... you were unbelievable!"

Sometimes songs transcend music alone, and becomes pop culture icons themselves, anthems if you will... "Tiny Dancer" is just that song.  Along with "Your Song", its probably the most popular Elton song you'll ever hear, and its an amazing song.  Everyone knows it, everyone can sing it, and its my 3rd favorite musical scene in all of music when its featured in "Almost Famous", which you read about here.

Stefano Italiano steps up to take on the behemoth that is "Tiny Dancer", a task equal to doing "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney, or "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine.  You do it, you had better get it right.  With Stefano, not so much.  Annie Barrett from said it best:  "Counting the headlights on the highway is really not as traumatizing as Stefano made it look". 

And at the end of the song, he walks to the judges and does some weird hand extension move to the judges.  What? 

J-Lo said it was really good. Randy the Dawg loved his connection with the audience.  Steven Tyler loved it.  Me?  Not at all.  It was... well, corny, and if Simon were here (and I don't necessarily miss him that much) he'd say the same.  

Howie Mandel in the house!  He's sitting next to Pahpah Italiano, which sounds like a pasta restaurant.

For each Idol, they are doing a "makeover" video, with EW's photo shoot, and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina gets hers.  And wow she looks good.   Hold on...

(answers door.  Chris Hansen.  He asks me to sit in a stool.  Dang it.)

...and she's singing "Candle in the Wind", a song done for Marilyn Monroe, and then rewritten for Princess Di after her death, a song that was performed one single time by Dame Elton John.  He then swore he would never perform the song again publicly, unless requested by a member of the royal family.

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina looks, like, fine.  (peer over and see Chris Hansen with a transcript in his hand)... I mean, looks cute.  She cleans up nice. 

Randy the Dawg says it was one of the greatest America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's best performances so far.  Steven Tyler says, "America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, I've loved you since the first moment you laid eyes on me..." and then creepily comments on her short dress.  I think its an awesome dress I think its way too short.  J-Lo sings her praises as well. 

And now, The Straight Adam Lambert is ready for fighting... as in, "Saturday's Alright For Fighting".   Ya know, his vocals aren't that great, but he's doing something that many Idols forget to do--entertain.  He's not just singing, he's performing.  Starting in the audience, he is all over the place, running up and down the steps, tossing his mic stand, standing atop the piano, jumping off said piano, then having the piano catch on fire.  That was pretty awesome. 

Steven Tyler yells out, "The Straight Adam Lambert!  You brought the heat!"  The Straight Adam Lambert's hair looks like he did that whole finger-in-a-light-socket thing.  J-Lo loved the performance, and Randy the Dawg loves the fact that The Straight Adam Lambert enjoys himself while singing.  It was a great performance.

The Straight Adam Lambert mentions that with the amount of hairspray in his hair, he was afraid of a "Pepsi Moment" (when Michael Jackson lit his hair on fire in 1985 due to an accident in filming a Pepsi Commercial).   Seacrusty is quick to respond, "This show brought to you by Coca-Cola!" and when they go to break, its a Diet Coke commercial.  Coincidence?  Nah.

Young Thiamegia is going to be singing "Daniel", and the youngling is wearing a dress far too short (settle down, Chris Hansen, I'm being serious) and that camera angle almost gives us more Thiamegia than we could ever ask for.

So, her vocals sound better than The Straight Adam Lambert... but he entertained.  This is rather boring.  Peepee Tuscany just stands and sings, but does is 1000x better than Thiamegia.  So, as great as it sounded, it wasn't entertaining, it was just... a good song.

J-Lo calls it a beautiful moment.  Randy the Dawg says he liked that it was very relaxing, though a little pitchy, and safe, while Steven Tyler loved it.  He loves alot of the songs.

The Safe Casey A is going to have to do alot to redeem himself.  Jimmy Iovine said it best:  "The Safe Casey A went from killing it every week to last week, where he killed himself, and now he's got to come back."  And one of the producers tells him to trim and/or cut the beard off. 

And here he is, the newly shaven, or at least, beard trimmed way down, The Safe Casey A sits on a stool and sings.  It sounds great.  I don't know if this is quite good enough to save him again, because I don't know America's sentiment, but this is possibly the best way he could come back.  Good times.

Steven Tyler loved it.  Randy the Dawg thought it was great.  J-Lo says she doesn't regret bring him back to the show.  Personally, I thought it was the best of the night.

Seacrusty promises us a softer, gentler The Soulful Jacob Lusk, which makes me wonder aloud, is there any other kind?   He's got his pimp suit on, looking like he's joining Nate, Mike, Shawn and Wanya in Boyz II Men, though he could be the fourth member now, because Shawn Stockman left (to do what, you ask?  exactly).

Back to Annie Barrett, via, she tells that she figures out who
The Soulful Jacob Lusk reminds her of.  Hil-arious.
The Soulful Jacob Lusk is doing "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word", but Jimmy Iovine tells us, "When The Soulful Jacob Lusk does that over-dramatizing thing he does in his songs, he blows the whole thing."  TSJL does well here, though, by not going to crazy.

Steven Tyler loved it.  J-Lo loved it, and the arrangement.  Randy the Dawg loved it, but wanted one spot in a song that has him go all the way up. 

And somehow, Haley Reinhart gets the Pimp Spot.  Maybe the Idol Producers felt that they needed "sexy" on the show, and that would be all Haley.

Fortunately, Haley Reinhart is in another tight dress, laying on a piano.  Unfortunately, she's singing on of my least favorite Elton songs, "Bennie and the Jets".  You know the dress has a plunging neckline when not only can you see the space between the cleavage, you can see the space below it.  Hey, just sayin'.

Haley Reinhart in the sexy dress, in The Pimp Spot, and
atop the piano.
I would love to tell you she sings this song well, but I hate this song.  So, while she sounds good, its a terrible song.   J-Lo loved loved loved it, telling her this was her night.  Randy the Dawg loved it, calling it the best performance of the night.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven says it was a well placed chorus, and that "you... sing... sexy..." 

Strong night for the Idols, this Elton night... The only two I truly didn't like was Stefano Italiano and, of course, Nomfoofoo.

The Safe Casey A... The Straight Adam Lambert... Pauly Mac... Peepee Tuscany... The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Deep Voiced Scotty... Haley Reinhart... Thiamegia... Stefano Italiano... Noxema Agralatte


We open up with a quiet piano tune, and clips of our Idols getting makeup, hair, getting ready for their night.  But because Casey A became The Saved Casey A last week, we are reminded for the 34,022nd time that TONIGHT IS A DOUBLE ELIMINATION!!!





Tonight!  Two People!  Eliminated!   Casey A became The Saved Casey A last week, and so tonight, two people will go home, eliminated.

We scan the stage, and on stage left, we see The Comfort Couch, while ominously, three glistening, doom filled Silver Stools of Suck await on stage right.   Seacrusty reminds us that last night, 98 billion people voted for their favorite Idol, a new record.

Tonight, among what we'll be fast forwarding through tonight, besides the group song and Ford commercial, is a performance with Will.I.Am and Jamie Foxx, and also Fantasia.   But, they are mixing it up a little, on an Elton John themed Idol, we have Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina singing a duet to... "I Told You So" by Randy Travis and Carrie Underwood.  Wait... what?

Seacrusy pulls them to the middle of the stage after their excellent duet, and dim the lights!  After the nationwide vote... both of them get another chance next week, both are going to The Comfort Couch. 

Back from break, and fast forwarding through the Ford Commercial, Seacrusty is talking to the Idols again.  Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina are so relieved.  Seacrusty tells us that the Idols get alot of fan mail, and The Straight Adam Lambert shows off what he got... a replica WWE Championship Spinner Belt with the name "Crazy James" on it.  Cool.

Now, Naima Agrhabobo and The Soulful Jacob Lusk come out to sing Ashford & Simpson's "Solid as a Rock" (fast forward) and then come to center stage for the results.  I'm predicting that The Soulful Jacob Lusk is safe, and Noxamia is in the Bottom Three.  And I would be... right.  As usual.  He goes to The Comfort Couch, she heads to The Silver Stools of Suck.

Back from break, Fantasia. Fast forward.  Home girl has an Elliot Yahmean grill going on, post-Idol!  Braces for the diva!  Her lips may be big, but her talent is bigger.  Wait, who's at the door?  Reverend Al Sharpton?  Dude, she said it, not me!

Now, its a rendition of "Teenage Dream" from Peepee Tuscany, Haley Reinhart and Thiamegia.   The Lovely Steph Leann looks at me and shrugs, telling me, "Why are you watching?  Fast forward."  I do, and now the results.  I predict Peepee and Haley are safe, Thiamegia is in the Bottom Three.  And I would be... right about Peepee Tuscany, as she goes to The Comfort Couch.  And now, we find out that... Thiamegia is in the Bottom Three. Right again!! 

Wait... Seacrusty tells us we lose two people?  When did this happen?

A video clip shows the Idols in different celebrity settings, meeting Kelly Clarkson and Reba McEntire, and then we see the Idol Mansion that's got a leaky roof.  We see America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina taking a tumble down a few steps, and the Idol producer that helps her up has a butt crack showing.  Eewww.

We see footage backstage from after last week's results show, where he's crying in the hallway and then hugging all of them in the room.   Kinda sweet.  So is Haley's dress.  What?  What? 

And let's fast forward through Pauly Mac, The Safe Casey A, Stefano Italiano and The Straigh Adam Lambert singing a song that I really hate... "Band on the Run" by Paul McCartney and Wings. 

Results!  First, The Safe Casey A... and he's safe.  And now, The Straight Adam Lambert, who is... safe.  Leaving Pauly Mac and Stefano Italiano, and I'm predicting Pauly Mac heads to The Comfort Couch.  And I would be... Pauly Mac... Wow.  Well, I'm 2 and 1 now, so I don't feel so bad.

We fast forward through two commercial breaks and a performance by Will.I.Am and Jamie Foxx.

Back to results... who is safe?  Pauly Mac is safe!  And Naimeah Agrolabobo and Thiamegia are OUTTA THERE.   The camera cuts to America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, who is now bawling. 

Okay, so now, it gets hard.  I like all the other Idols quite a bit, in different ways.  Well, I guess we can get rid of Stefano Italiano, but The Lovely Steph Leann protests, because she loves his abs.  Or something.

So, thats the show! 


  1. Ok, I get it. I'll stop reading.

  2. SO glad Noxema and Thiamegia are GONE, GONE, GONE! Whew, I don't think I could have handled another week of all those teeth and fighting to stay awake.

    I thought Lauren Alaina won the night. She was magnificent. Coming in a close second? I hate to admit it, but it was Casey for sure.

    I would have like to have seen James Durbin sing Madman Across the Water. His number was great but sooooo predictable.


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