Thursday, March 10, 2011

Music of the Idol's Idols (now with results)

Scroll down for results...

So, I just typed out an entire review on the latest episode of American Idol... and through some magic work of the keys, through some accidental hitting of whatever key combination that if you touch for just 0.000000005 seconds, it screws up everything, everything I just typed was just deleted.  EH-VAH-REE-THING. 

Tonight's theme was "Idols of the Idol contestants", so, here's what I'm going to do... I'm just going to give you my favorites of the night--

Haley Reinhart... I was surprised at how well she did "Blue", and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.  And maybe it was the low cut blue dress, but I'm also surprised at how cute I think this chick is.  Might not be everyone's cup of tea, so she is borderline.

The Straight Adam Lambert... Singing "Maybe I'm Amazed", one of my favorite songs of all time, he really does it justice, and sounds great.  Safe.

Casey A... didn't disappoint, with Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends".  Safe.

Deep Voiced Scotty... Took on Garth Brooks.  And won.  Safe.

Peepee Tuscany... Did a great version of "All By Myself", though nothing I haven't heard before.  Safe.

Lauren Alaina... Not her best night, but sounded better than the judges made her out to be.  America loves her, so safe.

Pauly Mac... Unusual song by Ryan Adams, fit his voice perfectly.  Borderline.

Thiamegia... Did a Michael Jackson song, and the arrangement was weird.  Safe, this time, though she can't be mediocre again.

Ashthon Jones... Boring performance tonight.  In danger.

Stefano Italiano... Took "Lately" by Stevie Wonder and then destroyed it with a horrible arrangement.  In danger.

The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Disappointing, though singing "I Believe I Can Fly", one of my least favorite songs.  America loves him, so safe.

K-Rod... Singing Selena's "I Could Fall In Love", she sounded terrible, and sounded like a song that was too big for her.  And in real danger, and I would definately say she's headed home, and then I heard...

Nimiaa Namabohbow... Horrible.  Terrible.  Horrible.  What is America's obsession with this chick?  Wait, what is the judges obession with this chick?  She needs to be gone, if only for the use of the word "overstand".   I think she's in danger. 

My predictions for the Bottom Three:  K-Rod... Stefano Italiano... Namboo Agreapooh... and though I'd love to see Naboo go home, I'm thinking K-Rod will hit the road...


Its American Idol results time!  Okay, first, let me mention that we get Idol on the local Fox affliate, WBRC.  Now, you can see the Coke is all over Idol, from Steven Tyler sipping from a Vitamin Water bottle, to J-Lo reaching for her cup that says COKE ZERO on it.

Well, right before the show itself, we get a Pepsi commercial, with Snoop Dogg... and as the commercial ends, it cuts to a full screen size can of Pepsi Maxx, and a hand enters the picture to open the can.  Anyone who has ever tried to open a pop top can single handily knows how hard this is, at least to do it without the drink fizzing and splashing, but that's not the point--the point is, Pepsi must have signed one mega-deal with Fox, or at least this Fox affliate, because that same commercial has appeared before every single episode of Idol this season.  Is this a local thing?  Or is this national?  Cause if its national, I'd be pretty hacked off if I was Coke.

Anyway, time for the results.  Seacrusty comes out, waves to J-Lo, Randy the Dawg and Creepy Cool Uncle Steven Tyler.  The Lovely Steph Leann is hanging out in Gulfport, MS, so I'm all by myself tonight.  Seacrusty tells us that an impressive 875 billion people votes last night... and the Idol Save is back, meaning they can save one single person from elimination, once this season.

I call it--if Naboo Agreakpo gets voted off, at least after tonight, they save her.  She's like Kudzu, no matter what America does, we can't get rid of her.  I think the judges should be able to use the Idol Save--but NOT on anyone they gave a Wild Card spot too, meaning Naboo, Stefano Italiano and Ashthon Jones should not be able to be saved... America already said they didn't want these three, and they shouldn't be asked back if America reiterates that in voting.  Just my two cents worth.

So, we cut to a video of the Idol Mansion... something new this year, all the contestants are spending time together, living in one big mansion.  Okay, so CBS has this deal with Showtime Network, a premium channel--I think they are owned by the same company--and when Big Brother is on, Showtime will show the unedited, uncensored stuff on a late night show called Big Brother After Dark.

We need an Idol After Dark.  No joke.  I can imagine Lauren Alaina in the confession room crying because Peepee Tuscany and Naboo Ackbar have been making fun of her the entire time, meanwhile Casey A is so sick of hearing The Soulful Jacob Lusk and his vocal runs that he lays in a hammock and just rants about it to The Straight Adam Lambert, who then runs off and tells The Soulful Jacob Lusk about it, and we get this race war going on, and meanwhile, Stefano Italiano has a thing for Thiamegia, but she's under aged, so there is high drama about what he'll do, and meanwhile again, Ashthon Jones and Deep Voiced Scotty have fallen for each other, and its this crazy subplot about what Scotty will do as a country white boy from the sticks falling for a black chick, sort of like Brokeblack Mountain, and... seriously, WHO WOULDN'T WATCH THIS?  No joke.  I'm in, every single night on Idol After Dark.

I normally fast forward through group night, because its usually crap, but I heard the beginnings of a classic, "Wanna Be Starting Something", so I stayed tuned in.  And I'm glad I did.  Because there is comedy, there is high comedy and then, there is Deep Voiced Scotty sitting with Peepee Tuscany, singing MJ's "Rock With You".  Homeboy Countryboy looks so lost.  They roll into "Jam", MJ's collaboration with Heavy D, and it then gets worse, as Naxema starts with "Man in the Mirror".  Yikes.

Amanda Seyfried
Back from break, what I will not compromise on is the Ford Music Video.  Fast, stinkin' forward.  Seacrusty does a promo for "Red Riding Hood", the yearly movie that the Idols get to go watch together, and we see Amanda Seyfried in the audience.  Hot?  Not?  I dunno.  Its the McGriddle Effect, at least tonight.  Maybe if I were into elves...

...but I am into results!  First, gotta tell ya that Casey A is not here tonight, he's sick and in the hospital... remember he was in the hospital last week with stomach pains, so I'm hoping that is not a recurring thing that will sideline him.  I'm only guessing that he's safe tonight.

Seacrusty is looking for the Bottom Three, and across the stage are the Silver Stools of Failure, all waiting for three butts to sit in them, all waiting for one of those butts to be kicked out of the show. 

First up, The Soulful Jacob Lusk, Stefano Italiano and K-Rod.  Seacrusty talks to each, going over each performance from the night before.  I'm guessing K-Rod will take the first Silver Stool of Failure, sending the other two back, turning The Couch of Anxiety that the others are on into The Couch of Comfort.  And Seacrusty says, "You are all safe..." and as the crowd starts to applaud, and The Soulful Jacob Lusk hugs Stefano Italiano hug each other, hanging K-Rod out to dry, Seacrusty holds his hands up and says, "...except... except... K-Rod.  You are in the Bottom Three.  Head over to The Silver Stools of Failure."

Oh, Seacrusty, you faker!

And now, I will fast forward through the artist that Hurricane Rhett called "the most brilliant gay musician since Justin Bieber", that being The Unambigiuously Gay Adam Lambert... after the song, Seacrusty hugs him, and I'm guessing that when this show is over, he's going to immediately run over and make out with girlfriend Julianne Hough, just to compensate.

Now, Lauren Aliana, Ashthon Jones and Haley Reinhart join him in the center of the stage.  When asked about last night's performance, Lauren tears up and says, "It sucked.  It was bad, it was bad... I'm sorry..."  Of course, Seacrusty says, "I can see you are emotional, so I won't drag this out... unfortunately, darlin'... [by the way, I knew this was coming--d$]... you are going to have to endure the judges next week.  You are safe."  She starts bawling. 

Oh, Seacrusty, you teaser!

This leaves Ashthon Jones and Haley Reinhart.  So, I watch Idol on HDTV, and in that, its an incredible picture.. but sometimes, it doesn't help.  If I had standard def, perish the thought, Ashthon Jones would be quite a looker.  But in HD?  She's got a rough complexion, and might just be a ProActiv spokeschick later.

"Ashthon, you are in the Bottom Three", Seacrusty announces, and then immediately says, "as are you, Haley Reinhart..."  They both look unsuprised, and Haley even says, "Great..." as she walks toward the Silver Stools of Failure.

The Couch of Safety is stunned, and Seacrusty has to even coax them to celebrate... its almost as if they aren't even paying attention.  Hilarious.

So The Silver Stools of Failure contains the behinds of Haley, K-Rod and Ashthon.  But, before we get to the results, we have to fast forward through.. Diddy Dirty Money?  Who?  What?  I know what a Diddy is, but what is a Diddy Dirty Money?  Apparently, its got Puffy Diddy Daddy doing his quasi-rapping thing. 

I'm so out of touch.

Back from break, Seacrusty tells us that K-Rod is here and safe again.  K-Rod heads back to The Couch of Safety.  Boo. 


So now, Haley and Ashthon are left.  After the nationwide vote, Ashthon is going home, while Haley is safe.  Now, I say "is" without a finality to that, because there is an outside chance that the judges will give her the Idol Save.  She did this last week, when she "Sang for her life".  But, I don't think the judges are going to save her this early in the finals.  After her Diana Ross song, she's in tears. 

And J-Lo gives her the inevitable truth, that the Save is saved, and Ashthon Jones is headed to her career as a spokeschick for ProActiv.

No word yet on whether she'll be back with Deep Voiced Scotty in Brokeblack Mountain.

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