Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The iTunes tHemed iDol rEsults!

Since last night's post was so long, which happens anytime you talk about the magic of Celine Dion as many of you well know, I decided to break up the Idol week into two parts... the performances and now, the results...

The show is getting all serious and junk now, doing this high tech, fancy schmancy opening with flashes of the judges criticism and praise, the artists singing, and whipping around and looking important. The remaining 9 stand, only 8 move forward after tonight.



I'm so out of touch with popular music now, I think, as I have no idea who Lady GaGa actually is... I've heard her name, seen the song sold on iTunes, but I guess I can hear her music tonight. Also, David Cook will perform, and The Goke will see how a real Idol swoon the cougars of the nation.

The judges, Randy the Dawg, Simon the Crank, Paula the Flake and Kara the New Hotness are here, the nine are here, and Seacrest is here. And Paula the Flake is talking, while Simon the Crank looks at her with a, "What the ($*% are you even saying?" Simon the Crank says that Anoop Doggy Dogg, Matty G and MJ(c) should be worried. I'm guessing MJ(c) will get booted, finally.

During the Ford Commerical, Scott the Blind Guy looks so out of place... not that he sees it. Ha! And the group song? "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. Somewhere, somehow, Paula Maddox is kicking something very, very hard. Paula being the biggest Journey fan I know.

We see a video montage on "the average week of the Idol", which is actually pretty funny. Lots of interviews, lots of photo shoots, lots of rehearsals, and ya know, MJ(c) is pretty hot. But she needs to go. We also see Matty G do an impersonation of The Goke. Then we see Gokey (which Seacrest called him just now) do Matty G, then Anoop Doggy Dog does Kris Allen, then Red Allison does a great The Goke doing "PYT" and "Jesus Take the Wheel". A funny bit.

Alrighty... let's get to some results. MJ(c) stands up. Matty G stands up. Kris Allen stands up. They all go to the other side of the stage... now The Ambigiously Gay Adam stands, along with Lil Rounds and Red Allison stand up. They travel the center of the stage. This leaves Scott the Blind Guy, Anoop Doggy Dogg and The Gokester standing.

This is the group format... my guess is one of the groups is the Bottom Three. If you are in a group with The Goke and The Ambigiously Gay Adam, you have to be thinking "YES! I'M SAFE!!!" To build the suspense, they should have put Lil Rounds, The Ambigously Gay Adam and The Widower Danny Gokey in the same group....

...unless... person from each group is in the bottom three... hmm... in which case, I'm guessing MJ(c), Anoop Dogg and... maybe Allison? But The Lovely Steph Leann and I are guessing that Kris Allen, MJ(c) and Matty G is the bottom group.

The Lovely Steph Leann: That would kill me, because I love Kris Allen!

And Cook performs, and sounds pretty good. They then present him with an award that shows his debut album has gone platinum... which is kind of a big thing, cause its a million copies and now, albums/CDs are competing with digital downloads and such. Good job, Cook, good job.

Let's get back to the results... let's go to the cards... Seacrest goes to Kris Allen, who sang "Ain't No Sunshine", who is safe, heading to the Couch of Safety. Matty G is up next... Kara the New Hotness says that she doesn't want Matty G to go home... this week? Seacrest fools him, making Matty G think he's in the Bottom Three... instead, he gets to the Couch of Safety.

MJ(c) heads to the Bottom 3. We knew this. Seacrest says, "You can have a seat right over there in the Bottom 3..." and MJ(c)... cacaws... and flaps her arms like wings as she heads to the Silver Stools of Failure. The Lovely Steph Leann and I both look at each other... what was that???

Lil Rounds comes up next. She's safe. The Couch of Safety for her. Red Allison Iraheta is up now... and she's in the Bottom Three. She does a little mock-flap with her hands, heading to the Silver Stools of Failure. The Ambigously Gay Adam, in one of the least shocking events of the night, is safe.

The Widower Danny Gokey is coming back another week. Scott the Blind Guy and Anoop Dogg are all that remains... one of them is safe... Randy the Dawg predicts it would be Anoop, and... Seacrest pulls Scott the Blind Guy over to the Couch of Safety, while Anoop Doggy Dogg goes to the Silver Stools of Failure.

And now... Lady GaGa. This is the first time both The Lovely Steph Leann and I have heard the song "Poker Face", or have heard the song "Poker Face". I ask The Lovely Steph Leann what she thinks, and she looks at me with an odd expression.

Says her: "Am I old now because I find this to be very bizarre?"

Then we both notice the fact she has an opened zipper on her eye. I liked Lady GaGa better when she was 1971 Elton John. I tell this to The Lovely Steph Leann, and she says, "Yeah, or Freddie Mercury... I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody is one of the weirdest songs ever, but that had to come pretty close..."

Seacrest sends Allison Iraheta back to the Couch of Safety, leaving MJ(c) and Anoop Doggity Doggity left... MJ(c) is going home. She's really odd, making some strange faces... is she the new Paula? She says, "Its okay, I don't care!" and Simon the Crank says, "MJ(c), based on the fact you don't care, we aren't even going to pretend to contemplate saving you, so this is your swan song. Have fun, its over for you."

So long, MJ(c) and your funky weird voice and your Carly Smithson wanna be tats. Next week, songs from the year you were born... which means 1993 or 94 for Allison Iraheta! Good times!


  1. Yeah, not gonna miss that MJC. Tonight's farewell performance was even worse than last night because she tried even harder to "get Rasta" as she sang. Not happening. So long MJ; glad that you get to see your little one again soon.

  2. I wonder if she thinks she's better than she really is... as in, she's thinking "oh well, look at Jennifer Hudson and Daughtry and McPhee and Pickles... they didn't win, and they did quite well" without thinking about Jon Peter Lewis and Chris Sligh and Julia Damato and such.

  3. Michael and I did the same look at each other when Megan did her bird thing. I have liked her but this week she went a little nuts and I was glad to see her go! (Oh, and surely you know that Chris Sligh has a Christian album with a couple of really good songs!)

  4. I was wondering what the bird thing was all about myself. Strange children, but they look like they have a really good time from what the video showed.

    Cookie is still as delightful as ever to behold and yet I didn't like the song live just as I don't like the song on the album. And he needs some taken off the sides 'cause he's continuing to lose it on top (which the reference to was hysterical).

    The Lady Gaga song isn't as weird in its radio version. The beginning isn't like that though that was an incredibly cool acrylic piano, I must say. Take a listen to the radio edit, and you may find it strangely catchy. Unfortunately, I had the same "I must be getting old" thought run through my head as I watched the performance. I think it would be incredibly useful to be able to zipper one eye or both closed sometimes, though.


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