Idolwild

One of the hard things about waiting a day to watch Idol is the fact that I can't flip over to EW.com, or even Fox News or Obama Online, for fear that I might find out what happened... at least, that is the day after the results.

KT texted me earlier and shouted that she couldn't believe what happened, and I had to text her back and tell her to tell me no more. By the way...

KT IS GONNA HAVE A BABY. Got that text yesterday morning. I was pretty stoked for her and J Rob.

Back to Idol... they picked the 8 to be on the Wild Card show, three of which will get to move to the Top 12 Finals... and of course, Tatiana the Annoying is one of them. Making it on the stage is a pretty big deal... to get a second chance is an even bigger deal.

THIS

ISAMERICANIDOL

All eight contestants stand behind the Silver Stools of Destiny, each wanting to put their bums in one of them. These Silver Stools of Destiny hold the safety of coming back next week. You don't sit, you don't continue.

Randy, Simon, Paula and Kara will make the decisions tonight on who will get those three spots. All eight will sing, and the judges will pick.

Tonight, Jesse, Matt, MLC, Jasmine, The Ballad of Ricky Braddy, Anoop Dawg, Tatiana the Annoying and Von...

First is Jessie Langseth, who will sing "Tell Me Something Good". And the first note is pretty terrible... followed by a few more terrible notes. This is not a good song for her to sing. Jesse paints you pictures of how its gonna be, right now I should better, her dreams are never free. Tell me all about our little trailer by the sea, Jesse, you can always sell anything to me... (who remembers that one?)

Randy gives her props for the song choice, but didn't like the performance. Kara likes her swagger, but admits her off key notes. Kara then calls her Sasha Fierce. Paula is impressed with Jesse's tenacity--so, uh, what about the song, there Paula? Simon? He tells her that she was the last one they put in, though he didn't care for the song.

Matty G feels as if his last performance didn't show them his soulful side, so now he's busting out with Jackson Five's "Who's Lovin' You?" You could do much worse than the Jackson Five if you want to show off your vocal choppity chops. He's got a great voice, but he's wearing this weird ascot bandana thing... I can't decide if he lost his ascot and he just grabbed a generic paisley bandana, or if he was wearing it to do "Wanted Dead or Alive" as a masked robber (then changed it when it wouldn't stay up).

Kara is happy the bluesy, soulful Matty G is back. Paula says it was the perfect song. Simon says it was a billion times better than his Coldplay from last week, but he hates the clothes and, "I see bits of Taylor Hicks" which is funny, because his dislike for The Leader of the Soul Patrol is legendary. Randy liked it too.

So, up comes Megan Joy Corkery, or MJC, who is singing "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree". Made famous by KT Tunstall, done by My Girl McPhee a few years back to perfection... MJC is doing the song justice, but doing this weird hip shake, like she wants to dance, but doesn't want to fully commit to breakin' it down. And for one of the few times ever, the backgroud vocals really suck.

Paula likes the song selection. Simon? "I've always liked you... and I still like you." Hear hear! Randy liked it. Kara thinks that she is needed in the show.

Von Smith is one of those guys who looks like someone, but I can't think of who it is. I'm sure I'll come up with it... "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word" is his song. It's originally by Elton John, on the album "Blue Moves".

Simon says that Von is becoming boring. I agree. Randy agrees with Von. Kara wasn't crazy abou the song either. Paula is babbling.

Just for your info, this is a pretty popular song, as its been recorded by Mary J. Blige, country chick Suzy Boggess, Chet Akins, Blue, Ray Charles, Richard Marx, Blue and Leona Lewis.

And now, its Jasmine Murray, who I am not crazy about. She's got talent--even with her crappy "Love Song" take a few weeks back--but I'm just not on the wagon. She won't do her any favors winning the full backing of Clouds in My Coffee by singing Christina Aguilera's "Reflection."

Randy says she was a 100% better, but it was still too big a song for her. Kara says she didn't even know that Jasmine could even sing with that kind of big voice. Paula loves the song, and babbles. Simon? She did a ton better than before. Simon then insults her on her outfit, which makes Jasmine look forlorn, while Paula is doing some sort of arm twist on Simon.

The Ballad of Ricky Braddy. As much as I love this guy's nickname, I don't see him as My Next American Idol. He's now going to be the latest dorky white guy to try to jam to Stevie, this time, "Superstitious." Why, The Ballad of Ricky Braddy, why Stevie?

Kara says, "You could sing your butt off!" She even liked the song. Paula babbles, drools on herself and speaks Paulese. Simon thought the performance was rather clumsy. Randy likes the voice, but the song was not the right song.

Tatiana the Annoying is up next. She really makes me want to stick my big toe in my eye. With a hangnail. On her video clip, she rivals Paula on babbling. At least Paula was hot at one point in her life. She's doing Whitney's "Saving All My Love For You", one of my favorite Whitney songs. Why do you do this, Tatiana the Annoying? She's singing way too low for this song, she's wobbly on it, she sucks.

Let me ask you, Audience of Dozens... if Tatiana the Annoying was the Next American Idol, would you buy her CD? Do you know ANYone who would buy her CD? No? And no? My point.

She's babbling, with an accent that somehow has made its way to Tatiana the Annoying. She and Paula are talking, and I'm not even sure if they are even forming coherent sentences. Paula compliments her "freakin' power voice". Simon laments that they've heard her sing it three times. Simon calls her out on doing so, and Tatiana the Newly Accented Annoying starts babbling in a stronger accent. Randy is trying to be nice, I think. Seriously, are they done with her now? Kara calls it The Adventures of Tatiana. The Annoying.

Ryan then makes an accidental innuendo. Funny.

Anoop Dawg is busting out with "My Perogative". This is the song he sang at Hollywood Week, and did quite well. An American guy from the Middle East singing an R&B classic made famous by a black dude that used to be in New Edition, and ruined Whitney's career.

Simon goes first. He is calling Anoop "interesting". Randy says it was hot, doing better than he did last time. Kara agrees with Randy. Paula calls some of his moves "nasty". Dare she leave that room key?

And now... the judges pick. The contestants are sitting on The Couch of Anxiety currently. Jasmine Murray is up first. Randy tells her that she makes it to the Top 12. Jasmine goes to the Silver Stool of Destiny now.

The Ballad of Ricky Braddy comes up. Kara says no. Its over. He leave the race. Megan Joy Corkrey and Tatiana the Annoying both come up. Paula is doing the announcing now, as she is saying, "Before I tell you, just know you should continue the dream. And MJC is going to make it."

YAY! MJC makes it through. Tatiana the Annoying starts crying, and actually goes down on her knees in front of the judges table, crying. Paula leans over, tries to console her, even telling her that she's going to go on and be a great singer, and even a great actress too. Simon has this "get this chick off of my bloody show" look on his face that is priceless.

Who wants to lay money down that she ends up on another edition of "The Surreal Life" or some other even wackier reality show that washed up-has been-never will be reality show wanna bes go?

Seacrest hurries up, announcing the next ad break. And wouldn't you know it, the DVR stops. I gotta start using that "add'tl 15 minutes" feature.

So, I missed the Top 12 becoming the Top 13. Matty G and Anoop Dawg made it through, becoming two more in the "Race to Become the First To Get Kicked Off and Be Forgotten in Two Seasons".