THE IDOL RESULTS
It's Idol results time... hopefully they will, within the first two minutes of the show, go ahead and place Lil Rounds in the Silver Stool of Destiny, so we can have some suspense in the rest of the show. Unless they do what they did with Adam Lambert last week, wishing he would close out the show, so they put him in the Foregone Conclusion segment of the show.
And for the first time this season, The Lovely Steph Leann and I are watching the show within 12 minutes of the actual airtime, via DVR. We'll catch up at some point, and have to suffer through those dreaded commercials, but hopefully not until we are past the group song that I never watch.
And Seacrest informs us that tonight, we'll find out who will come back for the Wild Card show that is... tomorrow night (!). Wha? That's kinda soon... that means that next Tuesday, we'll see the first show of the Top 12. Allison, Kris, Mike the Oil... Welder? I don't even know. Alexis, Danny and Adam have made it thus far... two girls, four guys.
Yay... the group song comes up, after a "how they got here to this very moment" montage, and I get permission from The Lovely Steph Leann to fast forward through it! We skip to commercial, we skip commercials and now we see the "how they did last night" montage.
And somehow, Nate the Pansy gets more airtime. Hopefully, this is just the producers just throwing him a bone by... wait, perhaps that is the wrong word... hmmm...
And its revealed that last night, after his performance, Ju'not had an asthma attack and left the stage. Seacrest calls out Lil Rounds to stand up, off of The Couch of Anxiety... good, get her over to The Silver Stool of Destiny. And, in a "uh... yeah..." moment, she goes into the Top 12, easily.
Lil Rounds performs, goes to the Silver Stools of Destiny. Seacrest asks Alex W-T, Scott the Blind Guy, Arianna Afsar, Taylor Vanillimilli and Kendall B to all stand up, then says, "One of these contestants are through to the next round... who will it be?" Someone in the audience yells, "Scott!"
Until Scott the Blind Guy stood up, I was thinking they'd just wipe out half the contestants in one fell swoop... but then he stood up. Arianna Afsar, who kicked ABBA in the head and spit on their song... she's out. We knew this. Taylor Villafufu, who did a pretty good job on "I Ain't Got You", but wasn't so stand-outish that America would love her. And they don't. Gone.
Alex W-T, who gave one of the most entertaining songs of the night, probably doesn't have a very slim chance to go anywhere but out the door toward the flight home. And after the vote, I'm totally right. Out. Kendall Beard and Scott the Blind Guy stand up. Kendall? Hot. Scott the Blind Guy? More talented.
And who goes through? Scott the Blind Guy. We knew this. Alex W-T comes over to try to hug him and Scott apparently can't see him and does this awkward man-hug deal. You know when you hug someone, expecting a warm greeting and get an uncomfortable "who is that?" kind of hug back? That is what just happened. Poor Alex W-T.
I start to fast forward, and for the first time this season, The Lovely Steph Leann stops me and says, "I want to hear it". I think she's found one of her favorites. Granted, Scott the Blind Guy really sounds fantastic in front of a piano.
Nate the Pansy and Kristen Mac stand up... and the show is only half over, so we know they aren't going to put contestant #3 through to the Final 12 right now. Maybe Nate the Pansy and Tatiana the Annoying should team up on Annoying Idol. And both sit back down on The Couch of Destiny.
Von Smith and Felicia stand up. Which means they won't make it either... this is the night that several people more than three could have made it through, as opposed to other shows where the top three might have not been as good as the top five on this show. And both Von and Felicia are deeeenied. And I really liked Felicia too.
This leaves Jorge the Latin Lover and Ju'not Joyner. Seacrest opens the card like he's going to announce the one seated on the Silver Stool of Destiny. And... well, he's going to announce it. Who goes through? Jorge the Latin Lover steals it in a surprise! Wow... I was actually kinda surprised at this.
He's speaking in Spanish to the nation, and he's taking his seat, as Seacrest tells him we'll hear the song tonight.
So now we go to the Wild Card announcements... who comes back? And now, we catch up to the actual show, so we're watching Idol live for the first time this year.
There is a large group of contestants that haven't made the cut in the last couple of weeks, including the group tonight that didn't make it. Simon, Kara, Paula and Randy each pick 2 to perform for the Wild Card show.
Randy chooses Von Smith for the Wild Card Show, aka, The Show of Second Chances. Kara then chooses Jasmine Murray, who did a disasterous job the first go round, butchering "Love Song" by Sara Bareillas. Paula takes The Ballad of Ricky Braddy! Yay! I can say "The Ballad of Ricky Braddy" at least one more time. Simon then chooses someone from the first show, Megan Lee Corkrey. MLC heads to the Wild Card Round.
So, we go back to Randy and for his second selection... he chooses Tatiana the Annoying. Oh no... mayday, mayday... and here is your new selection for Vote for the Worst. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "How could they do this? Do we really have to see this? Sit down, chick..."
"I want to sing for you more than anyone wants anything in the whole world!" she says. I think Nate the Pansy wants to kill her. "That's my line! I want it more than you do!"
Matt Giraurd is Kara's next pick. Paula says, "This one is a last minute change we all agree on..." She picks Jesse Langseth. I can dig that. And for Simon, he picks the last spot... and it goes to Anoop. Which means that Ju'not Joyner and Felicia Barton don't make it...
And Jorge the Latin Lover sings out the show. Wild Card tomorrow....
THE IDOL PERFORMANCES
The Lovely Steph Leann and I were going to watch Idol at 7, but we kinda like the idea of being able to fast forward through commercials, via the magic of DVR. So we went out, got a quick bite at Dale's Southern Grill, one of our favorite restaurantarian establishments and then came back to The Cabana...
...now, she's under her blanket, ready for spur of the moment face coverage, I'm here with the laptop, mouse, keyboard and remote, and...
IS AMERICAN IDOL!!!
We've got 6 spots taken, and 6 remain for the coveted Top 12... out of tonight's group, their job is to sing well enough to, tomorrow night, sit in the Silver Stool of Destiny.
They are introducing tonight's contestants one by one, though they are going to fast for me to try and get all their names... and in the final spot, the "Remember Her, So Says the Producers" spot, Lil Rounds.
Von Smith, 22, from Missouri. He's ready to sing "You're All I Need (to get by)" from Marvin Gaye, not an impossible song, but still, Marvin is a classic.
He sorta kinda looks like a straight Clay Aiken. Not in the looks department, but the voice and body language. Then again, he could be ambigious for years, then pop up and make America say, sarcastically, "Oh really?" when announcing he's gay. Just like Clay Aiken.
I tell The Lovely Steph Leann that I can't decide if this guy is ugly or not. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "He's definately weird. At least he didn't shout at me. Thank you, Von." She liked it though, as did I.
Randy says it was hot. Kara liked it. Paula liked it. And Simon? "You remind me of Clay Aiken." Ha! I knew it! Von is also very toothy.
Ah, the pride of Hurricane Utah! Taylor Faifanua... Fufufalafa? Valafapalooza? What? I don't even know. Anyway, she's 17, and she's cute as a button, even with an unpronouncable last name... and she's taking on Alicia, "If I Ain't Got You". Tough sell.
She starts out well enough... not too bad. I glance over at The Lovely Steph Leann, who has this "Hmm..." look on her face, as if she's waiting for Taylor Valfapapa to mess it up. I kinda like this chick, though The Lovely Steph Leann is, "feeling very Randy Jackson on this song--I didn't like the beginning."
Kara starts out by telling her that Taylor Vafvavoom has a great voice (a bad sign) but no personality. Paula also says something about a great voice, but wondering why she didn't shine. Simon's problem was that he couldn't remember her. And he says tonight's song wasn't terrible, wasn't great, it was just generic. I agree. It was a good performance, but not real memorable. Randy echoes their sentiments.
From the "Where did that voice come from?" Department, it's Alex Wagner-Trugman, 19, from Studio City, California... he looks like a total geek, a total nerd, a total dork... but he's got a great voice.
"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John... wow, interesting choice. His video clip is highly entertaining, by the way. I like this guy alot, he makes fun of himself, and has a great sense of humor. And maybe the song isn't great, Alex W-T is making a show of it.
He probably knows he doesn't have the looks, or the muscles or the background of talent, so make it something people will remember. He even does a "grab the mic off the stand" move, and the stand falls over. The Lovely Steph Leann laughs out loud, and I do the same.
Hmm... the judges... we'll see...
Paula calls him quite a showman. She says he was entertaining, but in a way that lets him know she didn't think the song was great. Simon calls the whole thing ridiculous, calling him a "hamster trying to be a tiger" and calls the performance stupid. Randy calls it "crazy in a buck wild sort of way". Kara says she likes the fact that he was who he was.
They keep talking about his crazy dropping the mic stand, and three different times he whispers, "It was an accident... the mic stand fell on accident... it was an accident..."
Whatever. I loved the guy. I'll put him over Von and Taylor Vivaflasvegas.
Up next is Arianna Afsar, 17, from San Diego. Seacrest introduces her clip by saying, "Now, for the first ABBA song ever done live on Idol..." The Lovely Steph Leann pops her head up and says, "ABBA?"
"The Winner Takes It All" is the song. This should be really good... I hope so. I am digging some Arianna Afsar. I take back my "cute as a button" label from Taylor Valuefala and brand it on Arianna Afsar. Unfortunately...
...Arianna forgets the words in the first line or two. And though I was excited about the prospect of this song being sung, ABBA fan that I am, I'm a little disappointed by what I'm hearing. The Lovely Steph Leann says she's a little worried... and she should be, by that last, crackly note.
Simon says it was absolutely terrible, and way too big for little Arianna. Wow. I totally agree. Randy says she tried to do more with it than was in the song. Kara tells her she was a beam of sunshine, but she was way too dreary. Too serious. Paula searches for puppies and flowers, and can only come up with poo and dirt. Sad.
Both The Lovely Steph Leann and I agree--she should have done something fun, like "Take a Chance on Me", or "Waterloo".
After four... I go with Alex W-T, Von Smith, Taylor Vavafooma and Arianna Afsar...
Ju'not Joyner is singing "Hey There Delilah" by The Plain White T's. He used to be Junot, and auditioned as such years ago... didn't make it. Threw a " ' " in there, became Ju'not, and made it this year. "Joo-know" is how you pronounce it.
Come on Ju'not, let's kill it...
Somehow he takes an already slow ballad, and makes it slower. And he's got handcuffs hanging from his belt. No joke.
A little slow, but I can dig it. Kinda reminds me of Brian McKnight, which is a good thing.
Randy makes a "you know Ju'not you know" joke. I see this happening alot if Ju'not makes it through. Randy loved it. Kara likes his take on the song. Paula says the performance was great. Simon says, "it was better than I thought it was going to be. Perhaps a little safe..." and Ju'not says, "I had a cortizone shot in the butt..." TMI?
Ah, back in Hellywood week, Nate the Pansy and Kristen butted heads like crazy, mostly because they were in the group with The Black Nancy Wilson... and here they are, ready to sing.
Kristen McNamera, 23, is a karaoke host. Whatever that is. She's singing "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. And she's doing a Ju'not, opposite. She's taking a bluesy song, and making it a little faster.
First, I have to say that Kristen looked far better (and younger) in Hollywood. Now she looks really made over, and prematurely old. Her ring looks like she is wearing a tangerine on her finger. The song is catchy, the song is snappy, but... kinda just ehh.
It was a risk. Kara likes Kristen Mac's hair, but starts with "you are a great singer... but..." Not a great start. Paula references Hollywood, again not a good sign. Simon says he's puzzled about who she is, with the "you've got a good voice... but..." Randy says she tried to do too much with the song. Not my favorite.
Oh geez. Nathanial Marshall, or Nate the Pansy, who wants this more than anything, who wants this as he dream, who has wanted this for so long, because music is who he is, and he just wants to touch people with his music.
"I Would Do Anything For Love (but I won't do that)" by Meat Loaf. The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Reeeeeally?" I could make a great Nate the Pansy/Meat Loaf joke, but I won't.
He looks like a flaming gay guy who is trying to look tough, but can't look tough because he's soooo freakin' gay. If I were Meat Loaf, I would kill myself right now. I would literally throw my hefty body into traffic for this abomination of a rendition of a song that brought my career back in the 90s.
Luckily, Nate the Pansy sucked. No, not that, you gutter-mind. The song. And I'm hoping this means he will not advance.
Simon says, "Nathanial, I think you probably would. I'm kidding!" Then he calls him Olivia Newton-John. It was excrutiating. Randy says he likes him, but didn't like the song choice. Kara says, "you got a voice... but..." Paula loves Nate the Pansy, probably because they can go shoe shopping together. Seacrest runs out into the audience to talk to Grandma, who says, "I am used to Nate's music". What, the Pet Shop Boys? Boy George?
Paula even says that it sounded like a Boy George version of the song. Nate the Pansy says he just wants to touch people with his music. Please don't touch me with anything, Nate the Pansy. I can imagine Alex W-T sitting there thinking, "What the crap? I was more fun than this guy ever was! And a thousand times less gay!"
And can I just say, they are spending a ton of time with Nate the Pansy, almost like the producers are saying, "PLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEE!! VOTE FOR HIM!! WE NEED HIM!!!"
Can't stand him.
Here's Felicia Barton. I now give her the latest "cute as a button" label, ripped from Arianna Afsar, after her butchering of ABBA. Felicia originally didn't make it into the semi-finals... but then she got the call from Idol that Joanna Piscetti (sp?) was dropped, so enter Felicia Barton.
"No One" by Alicia Keyes is her song of choice. I'm bobbing my head methodically, and I dig it. Except for that note she just belted out there. Other than that, I can dig it. The Lovely Steph Leann just watches amusingly. She likes it too.
Paula loves Felicia's talent, gift, unbelievable. Simon liked the first part of the song, but not the second, but liked it okay. Randy is happy Felicia is back, and thought the song was hot. Kara says she attitude, prescence, and was very noticable. No one, no one, no one is gonna tell Felicia she can't sing. Loved it.
After eight... Ju'not Joyner, Felicia Barton, Alex W-T, Von Smith, Kristen Mac, Taylor Vulafula, Arianna Afsar, Nate the Pansy
Scot MacIntyre, aka, Scott the Blind Guy. He's doing an interesting song choice... "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby & the Range. Scott the Blind Guy starts out on a stool, but ends up getting up, taking a few paces. I'm pretty sure he knows how many paces it is to the edge.
I don't know that the vocals are all that good tonight, though The Lovely Steph Leann really likes him and his voice. He's got a good voice, but for me, its not great tonight... though The Lovely Steph Leann does bring up a good point--the song got better as it went along.
Randy says that when Scott the Blind Guy sings, you can feel the passion. Kara says he moves mountains when he steps onstage. Paula is wondering how a blind guy can find her room without a handler if she gives him the keys. Simon? He wasn't crazy about the song, but that Scott the Blind Guy is growing on Simon. "In a sea of forgettable people, you're the only one who I will probably remember."
New movie I want to see... "I Love You Man", starring Paul Rudd, which I'll watch in just about anything.
And now, its country girl Kendall Beard. Could she be the new Pickles? You know I love me some Pickles.
Tonight, Kendall B is singing "This is For the Girls" by Martina McBride. And you know I love me some Martina. And Kendall B sounds good... The Lovely Steph Leann says she doesn't like how the song is being slowed down, "draggy kinda".
Kara says, "I'm going to start with the positive..." Not good times. Paula tells her she looks the best tonight. Not good times. "I hope you enjoyed this..." meaning "you won't get another shot, chick." Simon says she did the right thing, but was ready for the song to end. Randy says it was good song choice (something you never hear) but it wasn't her best vocal performance.
The Lovely Steph Leann simply says, "Well, do I want to see her again? I don't know. Do I care? Maybe not." That says it all.
Jorge Nunez, 21, is from Puerto Rico. He might be related to me, I'm not sure. He's going to sing, "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me" by Elton John. Jorge the Latin Lover has some rockin' thick eyebrows. If you want vote for Jorge Nunez, call 1-866-IDOLS-11. If you want to vote for Jorge Nunez eyebrows, call...
It sounds just like you thought it would... a Latino with a thick Latino accent trying to sing a British song. Paula, standing up, liked it.
Paula figures that Scott is blind, so he won't know when she takes her room keys back and gives them to the Latin Lover Jorge. Paula says, "puppies, flowers, sunshine, clouds, rainbows..." Simon says, "You shouldn't have to change your accent. Be who you are. You sound different." Randy said it wasn't perfect, but it was really, really good. Kara loved it too. I liked it okay. He's not my Next American Idol. She says "You have that gift of touching people when you sing" and I will bet anything that Nate the Pansy is screaming inside, "no, no, I HAVE THAT GIFT!! I TOUCH PEOPLE!"
Jorge the Latin Lover is crying, so happy at the words.
And finally, the spot also known as The Producer Pimp Slot, or the Foregone Conclusion Spot, the last spot goes to Lil Rounds.
She's going to sing "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige. I imagine she could burp the alphabet on the mic and as long as she was in tune, she'll go through. Luckily, she's not burping anything... she's singing. And singing very, very well.
And from the side angle, she got back.
In the distance, while Paula is dancing, even Simon is bobbing his head, a rare instance. Seriously, perhaps I poke fun at her silly name... but Lil Rounds can freakin' sing. I predict right here, right now, she is the one who, 4th from the end, gets voted out in a shocking night of elminations, letting one of the lesser talents go through to the Final Three.
Simon says it was brilliance. Randy loved her. Kara tried to talk black "girl you a powerhouse when we met you, and you still a powerhouse girl". Paula says, "we're going to see you for many more lil rounds." Ha!
Seriously, though? She killed it. I gotta give her the best of the night...
My favorite of the night was Lil Rounds, followed by Ju'not Joyner, and then Felicia Barton. Now, I liked Alex W-T fourth, but I can't see him making it through, and I'm okay with that. Next, Scott the Blind Guy, then Kendall B, Jorge the Latin Lover, Von Smith, Kristen Mac, Taylor Vualfamalama, Arianna Afsar, who would have been dead last if not for a little pansy named Nate.
Idol Results! Tomorrow night!