Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Idol Final Four

I like how every week, we do this whole montage of how many people tried out, and how many people made the second round, and now here we are with the remaining number of Idols and so on and so on.   This week we get a montage of those Idols who made the Final Three, like Carrie and The Widower Danny Gokey (last night about 702p, I heard a shriek of joy and thought it sounded like a distant cry of Cindy Jo, and I guess I was right) and Young Archuleta and Dave Cook and so on.  Fitting, because tonight, our Final Four will try their dadgummest to make the Final Three...





There are two rounds tonight, the first being "Songs that Inspire You", and the second being songs written by another famous duo that I had to think about before I realized I had heard of them--Leiber and Stoller.  Seacrusty tells us that a mentor tonight is a modern legend, that being Lady Gaga.  She's pretty big right about now, but I don't know that "legend" would be the word I would use. 

The Straight Adam Lambert, Haley Cuteness, Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina all make their way out, and in just two weeks, one of these four will be Our Next American Idol.

The Straight Adam Lambert comes up first, and his inspirational song is "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey... can I just tell you that without Glee, this song would be just the favorite Journey song of most people, and probably one of the top two or three songs purchased by Journey on iTunes.  But when Glee tackled this song, not only did it make Glee relevant, it brought Journey back to the forefront, and suddenly people who had never heard of Journey are suddenly Journey fans all the way around.  My personal favorite is "Separate Ways", but this is good too.

And The Straight Adam Lambert does really well with it.  Randy the Dawg loves the song, especially because he used to play with Journey.  And The Straight Adam Lambert is even wearing a Journey shirt!  J-Lo loved it, Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful.

Next is Haley Cuteness, with a Michael Jackson song.  Now she's not doing "Man in the Mirror" nor "Heal the World" nor "My Childhood" (which is good because I am tired of the first one, and can't stand the latter two)... no, instead she's doing "Earth Song", which is another song by MJ I'm not a fan of--but guess what?  Haley Cuteness made me like it, and she even growls like MJ does at the end, back when he was alive and all.

J-Lo didn't love it.  She should have.  Randy the Dawg didn't love it... he does this whole "I'm confused about who you are..."  I mean, Double-U Tee Eff, Randy Jackson... The Straight Adam Lambert screeches every week and gets lauded, Haley Cuteness does it better and gets picked on.   Haley fires back and tells him, "I didn't think I should have changed it.." and Steven Tyler jumps in and says, "Don't listen to them!  They are both wrong!"

When Steven Tyler is the voice of reason, there is something whacked out.

Seacrusty's words "I hear the girls screaming all day long" is funny until you find out that Deep Voiced Scotty is singing Alan Jackson's "Where Were You (when the world stopped turning)"... then Seacrusty's line is just a little off and in poor taste.

Deep Voiced Scotty sits on a stool and plucks his guitar and sings one of the most emotionally written songs ever.  During the CMA's in November 2001, a few months after 9/11, Alan Jackson did this song.  Sitting on a guitar, he just sang it gently, without raising his voice or getting too strong with his lyrics.  And it was monumental.  I still consider it one of the finest 9/11 tributes ever done.  It was met with a thunderous, immediate standing ovation.

And Deep Voiced Scotty does well as he always does, but I didn't like that he tried to do too much with it.  Its not a song to show off, its a song to pluck and sing.  Randy the Dawg thought it was awesome.  Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful.  And J-Lo loved it. 

Taking on one of my favorite artists of all time, Martina McBride, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing "Anyway", which is a great song and

(so... this is the part where Blogger shut down.  Don't know if you heard the geek tech news, but blogspot went kaput for about three days, meaning that after a certain time on Thursday afternoon, anything written on blogspot was not saved.  And millions of people lots millions and millions of posts that were written over those few days--and like millions of those people, before I clicked away from the page, I didn't "select all" and save.  You'd think I'd learn by now... anyway, over half of my Idol review was taken with it.  And because it was down, when I got to watch the results show on Thursday night, I ended up having to write the recap on a Word Document.  And so, you'll have to do with what you read above, and what you'll read below.  I love Haley Reinhart.  That's all you need to know, really)

Well, there are four Idols left, and only three will move to next week, only three get the “going home” video montage, only three will perform in a bloated seven hour extravaganza next week. Seacrusty tells us that over 73 trillion votes came in last night, and its going to be a big night!

Our top four come out, with The Straight Adam Lambert, America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina, Deep Voiced Scotty and Haley Hotness, who is wearing a skirt that is almost illegal.

The first duet of the night has The Straight Adam Lambert and Deep Voiced Scotty. Fast forward.

Commercial break. Fast forward.

America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina and Haley Hotness have their duet. Fast forward.

Product placement for Windows 7, as Windows 7 connected the Idols with their families. We see each Idol laugh and cry as they talk to their loved ones. And in the video, we see the Idols move things around, show off features of Windows 7 and give them all kinds of free pub.

Dim the lights! Results time! There are three Gold Stools of Victory on the side of the stage… Seacrusty tells us that the first person to plant their junk in one of those Gold Stools is… America’s Darlin Lauren Alaina. She heads to a stool, puts that junk in her trunk in that seat.

Commercial break. Fast forward.

Lady Gaga. Fast forward… but first, The Lovely Steph Leann says, “She kinda looks normal. This is the song that Haley Hotness sang. And… she’s wearing a bikini.” She says this last part twice, in disbelief.

Enrique Iglasias. Fast forward.

Commerical break. Fast forward.

Ford Music Video. Fast forward.

Jordin Sparks. Fast Forward.

Commercial break. Fast forward.

Steven Tyler’s new video. Fast forward.

We just covered almost 40 minutes in about 37 seconds. We rule.

Dim the lights. More results! After the nationwide vote… Haley Hotness makes the top three, sending her somewhat better looking junk to join America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina’s somewhat larger junk in a Gold Stool of Victory.

The Lovely Steph Leann looks from The Straight Adam Lambert to Deep Voiced Scotty, and shouts, “This is hard!!!”

Dim the lights! Here we go… joining the Idol Final Three, its Deep Voiced Scotty. Tonight, The Straight Adam Lambert, Blinky James Durbin goes home.

I’ll be honest and say that in the beginning, I thought he’d split around 7 or 8… but he kept getting better and better, and even though I didn’t see him winning, I’m happy he made it this far.

Good job, Blinky James.

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