I want to be able to fast forward through some of these performances if desired... so its easier while watching it on DVR. I have the power, oh yes, I have... the power.
THIS
IS
AMERICAN
IDOL
Its "Inspirational Song" week here on Idol, but don't think you'll be hearing stuff from Amy Grant or Third Day or Stevie Curt Chapman... no, this is when you just pick songs that... well, inspire you. Personally, if I were a singer and on Idol, I do one of two songs:
"Standing Outside the Fire." by Garth Brooks. I think its the video of the Downs kid running on the track team that does it for me. Oh, and Garth just looks cool with fire all around him.
OR
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I do this one only if I were a chick. Which I'm not. Digressing....
Its our Top Seven singing this week... Big Mike, C'Bosox, Tim-may, Aaron, CJ, Lee De and Siobhan. And mentoring them this week? Alicia Keys. Okay, so, have you ever heard the song "Falling"? I'm sure you have... it was every other song on the radio some years back... and don't get me wrong, her voice is absolutely beautiful and haunting... but "Falling" is a terribly written song. Just my two cents. Who said "Fergalicious?" Shut up.
CJ is up first. Your first clue that this week is not "Inspirational" but "Songs That Make You Feel Good" is that Casey James is doing "Don't Stop", the classic by Fleetwood Mac. This is one of my least favorite Fleetwood Mac songs... personally, I'm a big fan of "Gypsy", "Rhiannon" and "Say You Love Me"... though who doesn't love "Go Your Own Way", especially because of the bitterness behind it--let's face it, everyone slept with everyone in that group.
Randy says the song was good, but not the best. Cindy Jo disagrees. She would vocalize it, except for the drooling. America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres busts out a real critique... "You have to be great, and I don't think anyone is going to remember that tomorrow". Kara the New Hotness is frustrated because he's better than that. Simon the Cowell says he wasn't inspired at all. And I can agree with that.
Lee DeWyze is doing Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer", which you'd know because it goes "Li la li... (crash) li la li li li la la la la li (crash). I like that song, but for me, you can't beat "Sounds of Silence" and "Hazy Shade of Winter" (though I prefer The Bangles 1987 version from the Andrew McCarthy/Jami Gertz/RDJr masterpiece of drugginess, "Less Than Zero"). Yes, yes, "Mrs Robinson" is good too.
What is this song about? Its about overcoming loneliness and poverty in New York City. So sez Wikipedia.
Randy the Dawg really liked it. Ellen DeG says it was great, the best of the night so far. Kara the New Hotness says Lee has his moment tonight. Simon says that two performances in, it was the best of the night... and then says it was sincere, emotional and inspirational.
Timmy Urban is doing "Better Days" by The Goo Goo Dolls, one of those bands that, almost 20 years later, they keep putting out likable songs. My personal favorite? "Black Balloon", though I've admitted that I haven't a clue what its about... didn't stop me from ranking it as one of the saddest songs ever.
"Slide", however, is a great, great driving song.
Tim-may Urban is having, shall we say, pitch problems. Randy says it was just so-so. Ellen DeG compares him to soup that sometimes she likes and sometimes she doesn't... and tonight, she didn't. Kara the New Hotness didn't like it. Simon the Cowell is finding it difficult to believe in him, and thinks it was a step back.
Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear... "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly is what Aaron Kelly chose. Directly from the soundtrack to the groundbreaking motion picture "Space Jam". You know how some people have said they've never seen Star Wars? Well, I've never seen "Space Jam". I'm okay with that.
You know which song I like by R. Kelly? "Ignition (remix)". That song rules. Especially when I start singing to The Lovely Steph Leann, "No I'm not tryin to be rude, but hey pretty girl I'm feelin you the way you do the things you do, remind me of my Lexus coup..." though by the time I get five words into it, she's already given me a stern look.
Aaron Kelly's version was terrible. I don't know what Randy the Dawg is hearing, liking it, but wow. That was dreadful. Ellen DeG believes Aaron can fly. Kara the New Hotness loved it. Simon the Cowell admires the guts to take on that song, but didn't like the performance at all.
Do you want to know Whitney Houston's worst song? And Mariah Carey's worst song ever? Its the same song. And Siobhan Magnus is doing it tonight... from "The Prince of Egypt", its "When You Believe". I hate this song, I really do. I really, really do.
Okay, I'll say this... she's got a great voice. She sings the song decent enough. But this song... is just terrible. Just terrible. I miss the Siobhan from the early weeks of the show... its like she listened to her own hype and wanted to morph into something more "radio friendly", and by doing so, lost what made her awesome.
Randy the Dawg didn't like it all that much. Ellen DeG loved it. Kara the New Hotness said "Technically, it was good. But it was theatrical". Simon didn't like it either.
Big Mike is doing "Hero" by Chad Kroeger. Once again, from a movie, this time from "Spiderman". Is this "Song That Make You Feel Good" or "Songs That Come From Movies But Also Make You Feel Good" Week?
Not a huge fan, but after this night, its the almost the best of the junk.
Randy the Dawg liked it. Ellen DeG liked it. Kara the New Hotness didn't like it. Simon the Cowell said it was sung well, and comments that it was from Spiderman.
And in the pimp spot. Crystal Bowersox is ready to blow us all away. I heard she was doing "People Get Ready", and immediately I thought of Crystal Lewis Rapture-Jam, "People Get Ready (Jesus is coming)" and I was all pumped.
Well, this is actually the version from the 60s by The Impressions. The first verse is sung acapella and Oh Em Gee. Wow. Wow. Wow wow wow.
Sans instrument for the first time, she just blows it away. And she ends up crying at the end. And it was so freaking awesome, I'm doing something that I haven't done all year... I'm rewinding it to watch it again.
Sometimes you see a performance that is just... well, magical. Amazing. Unbelievable. And tonight, Crystal Bowersox just did one of those, one that will be tossed into the ranks when they do those "Best Idol Performances Ever" lists.
Randy the Dawg says "That was unbelievable" and gives her a standing O. Ellen DeG says she's beautiful and loved the song. And DVR cuts out before I hear Kara the New Hotness and Simon speak, but I can only assume they went nuts too. I just did.
Tonight... Crystal Bowersox. Everyone else didn't matter.
Coming quickly... watching Idol Gives Back...
And here we go...
To give us a heading of how great this show is going to be, its He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected and The First Lady, Michelle. I just threw up in my mouth.
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
GIVES BACK!!!!
I wonder when He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected will start giving back... taxes, maybe? Personal freedoms? Government control? I'll stop before I start kicking things around The Cabana living area.
Seacrest reminds us we can make a difference. I'm wondering what the over/under is on how many times i'm going to fast forward tonight? Plus 400?
Seacrest is hosting, but Queen Latifah is co-hosting over in Pasadena. I used to totally dig her talk show when it was on. Tonight... the Black Eyed Peas! Carrie Underwood! Joss Stone! Annie Lennox! More! Yeah!
The time is 8:30, so I wonder how fast I'll shoot through this 2 hour show. Mary J. Blige and Alicia Keys are here tonight too!
Fast forward through the Top 12 reunited (and it feels so good) group song
Fast forward through Jennifer Garner's report on what Idol Gives Back has done for Kentucky
Fast forward through Posh Spice and Seacrest
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Capt Sulley's pleading for Idol Gives Back
Seacrest banters with Jonah Hill and Russell Brand. Not a funny bit.
The Top Seven sit on the Couch of Anxiety, all dressed in white as per usual Idol Gives Back dress code. Siobhan Magnus isn't used to such bright happiness.
Back over to Queen Latifah, who introduces The Black Eyed Peas. I'm completely alone in my chair, and out loud I just said "What the freak is Fergie wearing?" This song is a prime example of artists who sound great on the radio and in studio but onstage... uh... not really...
Fast forward through The Black Eyed Peas rockin' that body
Todd Bridges is in the audience. How did he get there? Shouldn't he be parking cars?
Fast forward through Malaria's greatest hits
Fast forward through commercials
Finally... some results. I thought they might push back an elimination until next week, but nay nay. And in another only slightly funny bit, George Lopez is onstage. Let's dim the lights.
Lopez then walks to the judges, as if one of them is getting voted off. He then takes some great shots at both Randy and Kara the New Hotness... Lopez then takes another shot at Kara's affections for Casey James, which then the camera pans to CJ, who grimaces. He didn't like that at all.
Seacrest then introduces Lopez as "Erik Estrada", which made me laugh out loud.
Fast forward through the Ford commercial
Now, really dim the lights. CJ and Crystal Bowersox join Seacrest in the middle of the stage. CJ looks grim, he knows he's in the Bottom Three or Two or whatever they'll do. He's standing next to C'Bosox. And in shocking news, Casey James heads to the Silver Stools of Shame, Crystal Bowersox lives to fight another day.
Aaron Kelly and Lee DeWyze come to the middle... which puts Aaron Kelly in the Bottom Three. By the way, I called that while Seacrest was still talking. Aaron heads to the Silver Stools of Shame.
Back to Queen Latifah, lets hear...
No, Fast forward through Jeff Beck and Joss Stone
Fast forward through dying mothers in Africa
Fast forward through commercials and Ban Ki-Moon, the Sect General of the U.N. Yeah, thats how you get me to donate. Put the U.N. support behind it. You could have gotten Bernie Madoff and I would have given it more creedence.
And now, Morgan Freeman. Can I just tell ya, I think he grand kids must have the absolute best time during story hour with Grandpa.
Fast forward through Mississippi's poverty kids
Fast forward through Alicia Keys
Fast forward through commercials
Seacrest banters again with Russell Brand and Jonah Hill. Jim Carrey makes an appearance... and seriously, he looks OLD. And why break up with Jenny McCarthy? Wow.
Queen Latifah introduces Carrie Underwood, singing the song "Change". This strikes me as a song that is going to inspire me, and they'll probably show video of kids. She looks ravishing... but...
Fast forward through Carrie Underwood. No background montages of kids, I'm guessing Carrie is too big of a star to have the camera not on her now.
Fast forward through Hungry People montage
Fast forward through a bunch of poverty stricken kids in church
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Bill and Melinda Gates
Fast forward through who I consider one of the least funny people in America, Wanda Sykes
Back to results. Siobhan, Timmy and Big Mike join Seacrest in the center of the stage. One will head to the Silver Stools of Shame. Siobhan is safe. She goes back to the Couch of Safety. Big Mike is safe. Timmy Urban goes over to the Silver Stools of Shame, joining Aaron Kelly and CJ
Fast forward through David Cook
Fast forward through poor kids in Ethiopia
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Annie Lennox in Africa
Fast forward through Annie Lennox, still in Africa
Fast forward through Annie Lennox singing. She might still be in Africa, who knows. Her song, "No More I Love You"... one of the Top Ten Worst Songs in the History of the World, in my opinion. Just saying.
Fast forward through commercials
And we're back. Its 9:07, and I've gone through 1:52 in just over 30 minutes... back to Queen Latifah and a bunch of others singing "Stairway to Heaven"
Fast forward through Queen Latifah and a bunch of others singing "Stairway to Heaven"
And I fast forwarded right to the end of the DVR recording. Its 9:09, and I quickly go to Fox 6 to see who gets kicked off... and the show is still going. Queen Latifah is standing with Sir Elton John, who doesn't look much older than Jim Carrey that we saw early.
Elton John sits to sing "Your Song"
Fast forward through... wait... crap. I'm watching this live.
Tis okay, though... I can handle this one. I dig early Elton, before we all knew he was singing to a guy. I do like that Elton John is on the show, even though he called the show "incredibly racist" after a Season Three Bottom Three featured black contestants Jennifer Hudson, LaToya London and Fantasia (Jennifer Hudson went home).
Aaron Kelly is safe, by the way. I think Timmy Urban is done for the season.
And.... as usual, I'm right.
Because they were pressed for time, I'm sure, as its now 9:24, they don't even let Tim Urban sing the final song. They show his "journey" clips, and then cut out. And thats it for Idol Gives Back.
Okay, okay, here's the number to donate if you want... 1-877-IDOL AID and here's the link if you want to donate.
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