THIS
IS AMERICAN
IDOL
Big Mike got the save last week, the Crystal Bowersox/Siobhan Magnus Memorial Save, the single one awarded by the judges... he got it. And what does that mean? That means that this week, two, count 'em, TWO Idolites go home.
But first, let's get to the performances... this week, its Elvis Week! The Top Nine come down the steps, and this week the mentor is a first... the first time an Idol alum, especially one that didn't win, has come back to be the mentor.
This week's mentor? The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert. Fitting, after the Christian music news that has come out this week.... okay, "come out" might not be the best term. He describes Elvis by saying the King was the complete package. Or had the compl... you know what? Never mind.
So, Carrie Underwood would have come back. I'm sure Daughtry would have. Maybe Kelly Clarkson would have snubbed her nose, but they could have gotten Kris Allen, Taylor Hicks, The Widower Danny Gokey and more... but no, they've got The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert.
The leadoff spot goes to C'Bosox. Doing a lesser known Elvis tune, she's singing "Saved". And... its pretty good. The word that comes to mind is "Rockabilly".
Randy the Dawg sounds like a broken record, calling it dope, and how Bosox brings it every week. America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres loved it. Kara that New Hotness loved it. Simon loved it.
Andrew Garcia is doing "Hound Dog", which in rehearsal, The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert called it "boring". Well, looks like we have a mentor that might be a little honest with us, huh?
He sounds like he's trying to channel Michael Buble on a "American Standards" type record, done in jazzy bluesy tones. And Andy Garcia is failing miserable. Randy the Dawg called it "not good karaoke". Ellen DeG decides she doesn't know what she's talking about and tells Andy he pulled it off. Kara the New Hotness thought it was terrible. Simon the Cowell thought it was lazy. And unpredictable.
The Ultimate Survivor Tim Urban, who managed to avoid elimination the first few weeks and suddenly has found himself to be in the middle of the pack instead of the back of the pack, is singing "I Can't Help Fallin' In Love With You".
I digress.
Did Seacrest just call Tim Urban "Turban"?
I digress again.
Randy the Dawg liked the song. Ellen DeG talks, and is quickly becoming a train wreck. No joke. Kara the New Hotness says, "my favorite Tim performance ever." Simon? He says, "Zero... to hero in two weeks."
The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert is meeting up now with Lee DeWyze... and he's performing one of my favorite Elvis tunes, "A Little Less Conversation", a lesser known tune until "Ocean's Eleven" made it super famous in 2001.
Dude. Guy has a great voice, and this is a great tune. I can look slightly past the laptop and see The Lovely Steph Leann's foot tapping away from under her Mickey & Minnie fleece blanket she's curled up with. I know, its mid-Spring, but The Lovely Steph Leann ALWAYS has a blanket handy. You know, just in case.
Randy the Dawg said he was In Da Zone. Ellen DeG loved it. Of course she did. Kara the New Hotness loved it. She suggests that he give the audience a little more playfulness, though. Simon the Cowell says it was on the money, and Lee nailed the song. I agree.
From the very second I discovered Little Aaron Kelly was singing "Blue Suede Shoes", I called 911. What did I say? "Hey, just wanted to let you know there is a train wreck about to happen. People are going to die. Lives are going to be altered. Global warming is real. Help."
And... I was completely, totally and unequivocally right. This is terrible. I mean, terrible. Remember in the late 80s, when networks would do "movies of the week" comedies, featuring stars from all of their shows? Like, ABC would do a silly family comedy or something starring Kirk Cameron, Candice Cameron, Alyssa Milano and maybe Corbin Bernsen... his outfit looks like something the kid from "Alf" would wear in that kind of movie in 1988. Bad jacket, solid color tee, silly dance moves... eesh.
Randy the Dawg says "eh". Ellen DeG gave him an A for effort. Kara the New Hotness likes him being out of his comfort zone. Simon didn't like it either. I thought it was horrific. The Lovely Steph Leann adds, "Hey, I've heard 'horrific' on this show. That's Paige Miles. This wasn't horrific. This wasn't good."
How can someone go from so cute to so un-cute as fast as Siobhan Magnus? And its Screecher Meets Screechette when Siobhan meets The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert... you decide who is the "er" and who is the "ette".
She's singing "Suspicious Minds", another favorite of mine, though again, not the Elvis version... I like the Dwight Yoakam version of this one. Though Yoakam doesn't screech in his version of it... like Siobhan does.
Anyway, its not bad. She gets into it, then slows it down at the end, hitting one of those soaring notes to wrap it up. Randy the Dawg kinda liked it. Ellen DeG loved her. Of course. Kara the New Hotness says that Siobhan has "two voices... and you don't know which you'll hear". Simon the Cowell says it was old-fashioned. She argues with him that she doesn't want to be pinpointed into one kind of singer, Seacrest applauds that kind of bravery.
Coming back... Seacrest takes a shot at, of all people, Brian Dunklemen. Really?
Big Mike meets The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert, gets advice from Siobhan and settles on "In the Ghetto". Guitar in hand, he, clad in leather jacket, sits on the edge of the stage and sings. I like it.
The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert gives him a standing O. Randy the Dawg says it was a little sleepy, but it was still hot, hot, HOT! Ellen DeG is glad Big Mike is back. Kara the New Hotness loved it, and Simon says "million billion times better than last week."
Up next is arguably one of The Lovely Steph Leann's least favorite Idols ever, that being Katie Stevens. She is singing "Baby, What Do You Want Me To Do?"... that is Katie, not The Lovely Steph Leann.
From EW's Idol review... "...perhaps because she was weighed down with 27 lbs. of gold accessories, everything about the performance felt labored and inauthentic. Admittedly, Katie's vocals were mostly in tune for the second week running, but there's no emotional gravitas behind the music. It's almost as if, as she's singing, you can picture Katie in her basement on a Thursday night stenciling ''Vote 4 Katie 4 Idol'' messages onto hot-pink slabs of posterboard..."
It sounds like a not so good Christina Aguilera impression. And I thought it was... well, eh.
Randy the Dawg says "nice vibe". Ellen DeG says there was a lot of horns in the song, calling it a very "horny song". Kara the New Hotness liked it. Simon the Cowell thought it was loud and annoying.
Seacrest says, "What do you want her to do?" and The Lovely Steph Leann answers back, "I... want... you... to... leave... the show..."
Finishing the show, in the pimp spot is Casey James, doing "Lawdy Miss Clawdy", a song I think I've heard of, but never heard. He sounds like... he sounds like.... oh, he sounds like Travis Tritt, in his prime in the early 90s. Don't laugh... back in the day, Travis Tritt had some huge hits, like "Country Club", "I'm Gonna Be Somebody", "Drift Off to Dream", the catchphrase spawning "Here's a Quarter (call someone who cares)" and my favorite, "Anymore", which had this awesome video where Travis was in a wheelchair, and he was estranged from his woman.
Randy the Dawg thought the blues was a solid performance. Ellen DeG liked him. Of course. Kara the New Hotness wanted more. Simon the Cowell said the vocal was good, but a wasted opportunity.
Here's how it breaks down for me... Lee DeWyze... Big Mike... Crystal Bowersox... Tim Urban... Casey James... Siobhan Magnus... Katie Stevens... Aaron Kelly... Andrew Garcia...
Results to come...
____________________
A quick recap of last week, simply put, is that Big Mike was saved from elimination. No more saves. Two Idols go home tonight.
And tonight...
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL (again)
Last night, over 34,000,000 votes came in... but tonight... the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. My Former Next American Idol Brooke White is performing, as is The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert. We might fast forward through the former, and definately through the latter.
Fast forward through the Elvis Medley group song
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through the Ford Music Video
Now, let's get onto the results... starting with Casey James. And Aaron Kelly. And Andrew Garcia. All stand, all come to the middle of the stage. A close up of CJ means that Cindy Jo is drooling.
And just like that... Andrew Garcia is told "Yeeeeeer out." Not a "send someone back", not a "you are in the bottom three..." just a flat out, "see ya, buddy". Nice guy... but not the American Idol.
Fast forward through Andrew Garcia's final song
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through video of Elliott Yahmeen and Kara the New Hotness' trip to Africa as a part of Idol Gives Back. Yes, we're heartless.
Here's My Former Next American Idol Brooke White and some dude named Justin Gaston. Noooo one.... hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston, in a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston...
Fast forward through most of the song
Fast forward through another set of commercials
And we're back. Dim the lights. Here we go. Casey James and Aaron Kelly are safe now, this we know. The other Idolites line up on stage, starting with Lee DeWyze. On to Siobhan Magnus. Then to Katie Stevens. I'm guessing either Katie Stevens or Siobhan goes home...
And then we get to Big Mike Then to Crystal Bowersox. And finally, Tim "Turban" Urban. After the vote... Crystal is safe.
After the vote... Siobhan Magnus is safe.
After the vote... Lee DeWyze is, after Seacrest goads him and leaves him hanging, safe.
After the vote... Tim, Katie and Big Mike remain onstage.
Fast forward through the commercials
The Lovely Steph Leann is eager to check out the musical stylings of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert. Its too bad he's not performing next week, during Idol Gives Back, as the Idolites are doing "inspirational songs". Perhaps The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert could do a Jennifer Knapp song. Oh! Oh! Too soon?
The light show going on behind The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert reminds me of the Michael Jackson Video "Rock With You"... from 1979.
The Lovely Steph Leann gives the okay to fast forward. Done and done.
Fast forward through commercials
Back to the results.
One back to safety is... Tim Urban.
Leaving Big Mike and Katie Stevens. I want Big Mike to stay, though the will of the people will push through, even if its Mike--save be darned. Of course, when does the will of the people matter, Mr. President? Oh! Got a million of 'em.
Who goes home? Katie Stevens. The Lovely Steph Leann just did three jumping jacks, two cartwheels and highfived herself seven times. She simply says... "Bye Katie".
And thats a good note to go out on.
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