Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Taylor Horse and the Cherry McPhee

Once again, we join the bedroom television in the guest room of the Casa de Pesos--the home of Dave & Steph--for another exciting edition of American Idol. Sincerely, I will have to find something to write about when this show is over, but for now... its live from Hollywood. We're to the point now where there are few enough contestants--five--to sing two songs each in the hour long show.

The first song is from the year they were born...

Elliott Yahmean was born in 1978, so he's picking a bluesy George Benson song. He just admitted that he's been biting his nails since he was a kid, and wouldnt make a good hand model. Then he smiles, and shows why a teeth model is out of the question too.

Oh, the song is "On Broadway". I always hated this song. Even though I don't think the performance is all that great, I am predicting that the judges will love it, Paula will openly gush, and Simon will say something about techincal performing or something like that. Oh look, Steph's Man Ace with the Ace Hair is in the house. Randy says "little rough to start, but it was great." Paula says same. Simon says "I don't think it was your best... you are lucky you got two songs tonight." Wow. I was off base.

Oh look, its Annoying Paris. Is she still on this show? She's singing "Kiss" by Prince. WHAT? She was born in like, 1988... oh dear goodness, I'm old. The first line tells me--I hate this version. This song is fantastic, but its one of those rare songs that I've never heard anyone top the original, like, ever. Maybe Tom Jones singing with The Art of Noise, but not Annoying Paris. She's wearing stilletos and jiggling. Gross. Randy says he likes it. Paula says she likes songs from the past eras from Paris. Simon says it best... "Screechy and annoying". That's perfect.

Daughtry is up next, and born in 1979, this should be fun. He's singing STYX's "Renegade", which is great, loud song. You know how some bands had no business singing rock songs--like if Justin Timberlake tried to to "Back in Black" or something? That was STYX in the 70s... kind of like REO Speedwagon and Air Supply. Just sing the love songs, fill the arenas and hair the hairband... yet "Renegade" is one of those great rock songs that somehow is cool. I remember playing it in the mid-morning show of WTBF down in Troy and rocking out in the studio... and on my iPod, its on my "Drive Fast, Man" playlist (which includes Bush, Burlap to Cashmere and Guns N Roses).

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this... one of the things I like about Daughtry is (oh, high note--go boy) that he doen'st just sing the song, he really entertains while he's doing. Something Yahmean and Annoying Paris can't do well, and My Girl McPhee has had trouble with until recently. This one was one of the few songs I can say that I would have liked to have heard all the way through. Randy says "hot one tonight, baby!" Paula loved him, of course. Simon? "A million times better than [Elliott & Paris] were tonight." I agree.

Okay, My Girl McPhee--don't let me down. She's wearing a dress that doesn't show any cleavage, which I'm sure is probably a good thing... she's discussing with Ryan about how, apparently, she was missing a button last week, which explained why the cut in her dress went up to her armpits.

My Girl McPhee was born in 1984, which again, makes me feel old (I was 9), and is singing... oh no... "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins. Oh no. No good can come of this. None at all. Idols don't sing this song and get away with it. I'm not feeling it... Randy? isn't feeling it either "though it was okay at the end". Paula says "fluff fluff not my favorite performance from you fluff fluff fluff". Simon says "Tonight it was a mess. The song got away from you." I'd have to agree... she almost pulls a Pickles and seems like she wants to say "I butchered it." She didn't... but she didn't do great.

Taylor Hicks is actually going to sing Wild Cherry's "Play that Funky Music White Boy" from 1976. This is just the kind of crap that is going to put him into the top 3, possibly the top 2. He's dancing. Love it. LOVE IT. After last week's James Ingram's disappointment, this is EXACTLY the shot in the arm he needed. I don't care what the judges say about him... this will get the fans moving again. And the awkward collapse at the end is perfect.

Randy can't stop laughing. "Wow... yeah...". Paula loved it, of course. Simon has no words. "For me... like a horrible wedding performance." And Taylor's paisley shirt is owning me, man.

Okay... thats the first wave of songs. Now, the next theme is Top Ten Songs from ANY of This Week's Billboard Charts. Ryan is giving us a rundown of American Idol appearances on Billboard Charts, telling us how Idols have had an impressive 9 (did he say 90?) number one hits, over half I'm sure coming from Kelly Clarkson alone. "A Moment Like This" jumped 51 spots into the #1 spot way back in the day, topping a record held by the Beatles, apparently. Never liked that song. And Ryan's pimping the new Idol CD, "Encores", coming out soon.

Elliott is singing "Home" by Michael Buble. I have this theory that Michael Buble's real name is Mike Bubbles, but he got so ragged in high school that when he got famous, he had to come up with something else... after trying Mikey Bubbs, Mike Bubel and maybe Mychal Bublay, he settled for Michael Buble (pronounced Boob-lay). Heh heh... I said Boob.

Yeah, Elliott sang okay too, I guess. Better than the first song. Randy says "I loved the tender side--nice choice baby, nice." Paula loved it, of course. Simon says "I'm not sure that I would have chosen a song that says 'I wanna go home' at this point.... I'm a little concerned."

Back to Annoying Paris... sigh. Do we have to? She's taking on "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige. Let me just tell ya, Mary J is some big mack boots to fill--that chick can sing. Okay, so either my tape cut out for a second, Fox accidentally dropped audio, or they just censored a lyric, because for about three seconds, the audio went silent.

I just looked up the lyrics... the song lyrics are, in the first verse "it's so true that (yes) we've been through it (yes) we got real sh** (yes) see baby we been...". Paris just sang "it's so true that we've been through it, we got real shhh, see baby we been..." Hmm. I mean, Paris is rocking the song, I'll admit. Of course, if she had wanted to say the actual sh** word, Fox cut out the wrong audio...

Randy says "Couple of pitchy things, but you rocked it." Paula loved it, of course, saying, "I would have loved to see you put your flip on it", while Simon smiles and says "I think you got that wrong, Paula... I think she did rather well." Of course, Paula goes defensive, and its sillyness abounding. Now Paris is talking, which is really unfortunate. If Elmo were a small black girl with a bad wig who could sing, it would be Annoying Paris.

Daughtry is singing "I Dare You", though I don't know the artist. You know, if Taylor or Daughtry truly know what is good for them, they'll tank this show and get a career anyway, without suffereing the indignity of singing the crap that Idol finalists have to sing (anyone remember last year's "Inside Your Heaven"? It was stuck in my head on Friday night... maybe that song was what was making me sick on Saturday.). Anyway, the song was just okay--Chris' voice cracked a little this time.

Randy acknowledged that perhaps Daughtry's voice was giving out, while Paula said "I agree, but I love ya" (can you just see Daughtry's wife come barreling up to the stage after one too many "I love you Chris..." flirt comments, and taking out Paula? In a scrap, Paula would last about four seconds--Daughtry's wife is all woman). Simon says "Your voice is going... watch yourself. Great first song, though, so you'll be fine."

At least he didn't sing Bryan Adams.

My Girl McPhee is coming up now... come on, Kat--don't fail me now. I lost Pickles last week, don't let me lose you too.



Any of you who have read this blog enough know that out of all the dozens of things that I'm almost disturbingly obsessed with, My Girl McPhee is one... and KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" is another. I just paused the video... for the first time this season, I will now put down the keyboard and not type until after the song is over... this could change everything for me on Idol. This has the potential to become a monumental minor moment in my life. This is like Scott Latta seeing John Smoltz flip the coin at the Iron Bowl, or Stephanie seeing Barbra Streisand cover an album of Carpenter songs, or Michael Nipp seeing Bono play Attacktix with The Edge.

Here we go.



I'm not even going to describe it to you, I'm just going to keep it in my memory... I mean what's the point of talking about an almost-as-cute-as-Steph McPhee slinking around on the stage floor, finally in some cool clothes, moving and groovin, along with these two cool guys onstage beating on some wood type thingys in perfect rhythm... whats the point?

Randy says "Now this is the McPhee that I loved!" while Paula loved it, of course. Simon says "I prefered that much more than the first one." Me? I thought it was pretty good. (and the box type thingy is the "boxdrum") Remember what I said about My Girl McPhee's version of "Someone to Watch Over Me" possibly entering into my all time favorites, but only time would tell? Scratch that... this song tonight just did.

Okay, Taylor, finish up strong--give me something good to write about. From an album on the Billboard Album Catalogue chart, Taylor is singing "Something" by the Beatles. He's doing his bluesy best, and sounding pretty good. He's more fun when he's dancing around like an idiot, but he's got a great voice too.

Randy liked the song, Paula said the song was tender and daring, while Simon says "Its very easy to forget with all your balminess that you are a very, very good singer."

If there is any justice, America, you send Paris home. Maybe Elliott. Definately Paris.

Results coming tomorrow night.

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