Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Idol Final Four

So, I'm sitting here watching the most ridiculous show this side of Method & Red... its Deal or No Deal. I have yet to see an entire episode, I always stumble upon it, much like you come across a dead possum being eaten by bugs. Anyway, when I turn it on... I can't turn away. Its sickening... of course, it's definately no Unan1mous (but then again, what is?)

But, why are you here? In addition to just checking to see what Dave has to say, you're here to read the results review. So, let's kick this puppy into gear! Its Results Time!!

801pm... the show is just beginning... Ryan coming down like usual, and hey, on the topic of irrelevant skank, there's Carmen Electra! Almost 46.5 million votes came in last night... kind of like a Deucefest turnout, huh?

802pm... So who's left? Elliott Yahmean, Annoying Paris, Daughtry, Taylor Hicks and My Girl McPhee. I actually know someone who went out with Taylor... "he was the cutest thing ever", she says. She's married now, not to Taylor, so apparently that didn't work out.

8:03pm... My Girl McPhee has Pantene hair.

8:04pm... In leiu of having a celebrity guest helper type person, they are just all singing together. This time, its "We Are One"... how inspirational. Daughtry is opening up, with this "man, I hope I get my cajones back after this song is over" look on his face. Boy... they are flying without wings. They've been waiting for a moment like this, haven't they? Ah, to only be inside their heaven.

8:05pm... Perhaps McPhee, Taylor AND Daughtry should tank this show... I haven a sinking suspicion that this song, "We Are One" will be the craptastic single released by the winner. For those Idol novices, during the finals, both of the final two sing one song written for them--the same song, mind you. The eventual Idol winner gets the song released. Oh, and they all suck. No kidding. Much like this song.

808pm... Speaking of really crappy contractual obligations, this Ford commercial has a song in the background that really, really sounds like Kelly Clarkson.

809pm... Coming soon, Madagascar 3: Over the Hedge... the follow up to Madagascar 2: The Wild.

811pm... "Hollywood Swinging " is the Ford commercial of the week, the one that stars all of the Idols. These actually look fun to make, no matter how dorky they end up. Daughtry is wearing a top hat in this one, while Taylor is wearing football shoulder pads and chains. Um. Yeah.

812pm... Time to kill some time... Ryan is talking to the judges, stirring the pot. Oh Ryan, you are such a pot stirrer. Its clip time, where we revisit the really bad showings from Elliott Yahmean and Annoying Paris, and yes, My Girl McPhee's "Against All Odds". Daughtry rocked it with "Renegade", though.

813pm... Boy did McPhee rebound with "Black Horse". Still thinking about how good that was.

815pm... How did you vote, America? Your results coming up... after the break. Let's be honest, in the three seasons of American Idol I've watched (I didn't watch the first one, with Kelly winning) the final two or three has always been either predictable, or I've had a clear favorite. I hated Fantasia, but I knew she'd win (Diana DeGarmo didn't really deserve to be in the top three... or four... or five. And #3, Jasmine Trias? Better tunes on Weather Channel's Local on the 8s.) I wasn't sure about Ruben, but I was rooting hard for him. Last year, I was rooting for Carrie, and I thought she'd win. HOWEVER.... as long as Annoying Paris and Elliott Yahmean don't make it into the final three, I'll be okay with whatever happens.

819pm... Ty Coffey just tried to call me. I sent him to voicemail. How dare he call me right now?

820pm... Here we go... two people with the lowest number of votes. Taylor? He's safe.

820pm... Daughtry... he's safe.

821pm... Annoying Paris is next... bottom two... bottom two... bottom two? YES!!! She's bottom two.

821pm... Now its between Yahmean and My Girl McPhee... but--Ryan is asking Annoying Paris to sing her version of "Kiss" again. Not only does she sound terrible, but her voice is shaky... she's a nervous wreck. While she's butchering this song, I'll tell you that Ryan said a minute ago that next week, the Idols are meeting with Colombia Record executive Tommy Mottola... yes, he's the ex-Mr Mariah Carey. She was awesome while she was with him and Colombia... then the divorce in 1997, and suddenly, Skanksville USA for Mariah.

823pm... Who's joining Annoying Paris? You'll find out... after the break.

825pm... "Rumor Has It", starring Jennifer Aniston and Kevin Costner is coming on dvd next week. Steph and I saw it... its actually pretty funny. A little frisky, but still... Steph loves Mark Ruffalo, so we had to see it.

827pm... Alrighty... lets get rid of Elliott or Annoying Paris.

827pm... America voted... My Girl McPhee IIIIISSSS SSSSAAAAFFFFFEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now Elliott is going to butcher an already poopy song, "On Broadway".

828pm... So Taylor is 29, Daughtry is what, 26? Elliott is 27 or 28. Even My Girl McPhee is 21... Annoying Paris is 17. YOu konw they are ready to ditch her and her squeakly voice, if not for the sole purpose of being able to go clubbing and not have to find those "17 to Party, 21 to drink" type places.

829pm... And now, going home... is Annoying Paris. Its about darn time. I'd have lost her before I lost Pickles (though towards the end, I'm not so sure I'd have taken Pickles over Elliott)

830pm... Aw... they are back to the Daniel Powter version of "Bad Day". I'd like to actually see one of the Idols sing this--I think Elliott might do it justice.

831pm... Now the collage of "how she got here" video. The segment we'll call "Annoying Paris and her 43 Wigs". Perhaps she'll move on to "Billie Holliday Idol", which she might do okay. Now Annoying Paris singing--slaughtering--"Be Without You" again, though they cut her off quickly (before the silent audio sh** part again.

832pm... Yeah--now my brain can rot to its conclusion with the finale of Unan1mous.

Off work tomorrow... having lunch with a buddy of mine, Brooke, and then probably hang out with Ty tomorrow some. Tomorrow night, Survivor. In the meantime? I have about 351 comic books to catch up on, I just started the DaVinci code, and darn it, I still have laundry to do.

Ah, life.

By the way... who else watches Idol, and who leaves it to me to give them the scoop? Who do YOU want to win?

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