Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Katy Hudson Perry Kissed an Idol (and she liked it)

Back from Dale's Southern Grill, its just after 8:45pm CST... we're here... I'm in the recliner, laptop atop the lap... The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch, blanket in hand, ready to cover... Seacrest on the air...


Its Los Angeles this time around!  Hollywood, movie stars, and 11,000 of our closest friends who think they can sing.  Don't forget--My Girl McPhee came from this area... and her blond hair?  Not quite.  Not quite at all.

Avril Lavigne, who hasn't been relevant since 2006, is tonight's guest judge... and first up?  Neil Goldstein, who's ego is almost as big as his hair.  Hey Neal, "Facts of Life" called, Blair Warner wants her hair back. 

Neil goes on about wanting to sing to express love and help people and so on... The Lovely Steph Leann mumbles, "Oh, Lord..."

When he comes in and talks to the judges, suddenly this weird tick thing starts.  "Rock & Roll Dreams Comes True" is his song of choice.  The first line is "Remember everything that I told you..." and then he blanks.  Simon says, "How ironic..."

If you are singing, and you take your index finger and tap your throat as you sing, and that's how Neil sounds.  He is not going through, and he refuses to leave, saying, "There is no reality except for what we make for ourselves!" then goes on to argue with Kara the Hotness, Randy and Simon, while Avril starts laughing... and I'm getting the sense that he's putting on a little bit.

The Lovely Steph Leann observes, "His hair is... really far off of his forehead..."

And here comes a heartwarming story from a guy named Jim Ranger, who is a worship pastor, and has about 83 kids.  Do all worship pastors have this many kids?  Doesn't Kris Dekker, from Valleydale Chrch (an sbc fellowship) have like, 9?  Or is that Amanda Cranston?  Anyway...

He's got much cooler hair than the aforementioned Neil, and he's singing a song he wrote called, "Drive."  Simon likes the voice, Avril just rambles about something before saying no, Kara the Hotness says yes and Randy says yes.   So Avril?  She's kind of annoying.  And giggly.  Which is a bad combination.

So the next montage is those who didn't make it... including a guy who makes The Lovely Steph Leann yelp, one guy who makes me laugh with his "Kung Fu Fighting" and another guy who looks like Danny Zucko, but doesn't sing as well.

Here comes a guy who excels in martial arts (The Lovely Steph Leann: "Oh, baby... this is going to be bad... oh no oh no... please don't his that high note here...").  

Damien Lefavor starts to sing destroy, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"  Simon says, "You should just go."  Damien leaves, though he thinks the bad note at the end is what killed it for him.  Uh...

Scary Girl shows up, and suddenly Avril just loves her.  Mary Powers is singing, "Love is a Battlefield" and... well, she's really not bad.  She's actually pretty good... Mary is dressed like your typical rock star, dark, dyed hair, eyeliner, punk outfit... she gets four yes votes, and she heads to Hollywood.   And Mary's daughter comes in to meet her hero Simon, and she's speechless...

And of course, we get our share of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert wannabes... and one guy recorded a demo for said Gay American Idol Runner Up, and apparently Gay American Idol Runner Up liked it--so sez AJ Mendoza.

You figure he might do well... but "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour, known for being one of the world's first rock bands with a black dude in it... the song is fantastic.  The audition is terrible.  Terrible.

So Katy Hudson Perry is up now as a guest judge ("I'm glad Avril is gone.  I don't think I'd like her in real life"--The Lovely Steph Leann).  Did you know that Katy used to be a Christian rocker?  I've got her CD upstairs somewhere.  Its okay, I guess.  Though I can honestly say, like Lady GaGa, I've not heard much Katy Hudson Perry.  I'm sure she's a good singer and all, but not my thing.

I'm so afraid that Lorelei Addison will be raised in a good Christian Cabana, attending Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and she'll end up like Katy Perry... using her God given talents to hook up with a bad British comedian, wearing booby-flashing outfits and singing songs about joining the First Lesbiterian Church. 

Here's Austin Fullmer.  His shirt looks like it was bodypainted onto his chest... not only is he trying to do Cheap Trick, he's trying to do the accents.  British accents, like Mick Jaggar... I don't think Cheap Trick is even British.  I liked Cheap Trick, though, because that guy in their band had that guitar that had like, four necks on it... that was just cool.  When I was in 7th grade, I'd watch their videos on MTV just to see that guitar.

And Austin doesn't make it, and blames Simon. 

Here's another failure montage... and a girl crying because she didn't make it.  A guy crying it because he didn't make it.  Another girl crying.  And another.  And another.  And a wailing chick.  And there's Sanjaya's crying girl who didn't make it in the auditions this year.  The Lovely Steph Leann picked it up.

Heartwarming backstory of Andrew Garcia, who has tried to not join a gang and tried to live a straight life.  Dad starts crying.  Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.

He's pretty good, though, in his audition  He's got that Michael Buble kind of voice, even though he looks like a Mexican landscaper with glasses.   Simon says, "The only person today that I genuinely believe is a good, good singer."  Kara the Hotness liked it alot, Randy the Dawg tells him he gotz mad vokulz, and Katy Hudson Perry says it gave her chills.

Tasha Layton?  She's this chick who is a personal assistant by day and by night a.... minister?... really?   I want to be a fly on the wall when Tasha and Jim Ranger discuss theology.  She sings "Baby Baby Baby" by Joss Stone, and it sounds great.

All four judges say yes, and Tasha is off to Hollywood.

And in the teaser we saw this contestant that I thought was a chick... and then he talked.  Jason Greene needs to visit the ProActiv booth at the mall.  And he's singing... "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls.  I comment that he misses a line in the song, and from under the blanket The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I don't think it matters... make it stop."

I've got this song on cassette single.  I know every line to this song, but I can't remember Philippians 3:10.  I need a Jesus moment.  I think I caught the clap from just watching that audition.  I need the H1N1 shot.  Jason Greene needs to be shot. 

Finally, here's a guy who grew up in foster care.  He's been in 2,944 different families.  In a single year.  He lost seven parents in a span of a week due to meth and self rising flour.

Chris Golightly has had a hard life.  Cindy Jo is blubbering incessently.  "Stand By Me" is his song of choice, and I think the teaser built it up more than they should have... I think he's good.  Not brilliant.  He kind of looks like Justin Guarini, and Kara the Hotness and Katy Hudson Perry disagree... but both give them a yes.  As does Simon and Randy. 

There were 22 people that made it through tonight... but we saw like, four good ones?  That's all we can see?  Seriously? 

For tonight, only two stood out to me... Tasha Layton... Andrew Garcia

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