A Bad Idol 12 (now with results!)

With a look at Nick/Norman Gentle, Seacrest tells us the power is in our hands, and asks, "What have you done?".

THIS

IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS!!

All the contestants are on The Couch of Anxiety, awaiting a possible trip to The Stools of Destiny. Currently in those stools are Alexis, Mike the Oil Rigger and Danny Gokey. I think "Gokey" is too good of a last name to NOT have a nickname. I'll work on that.

Here we see the clips of "how they got here", that being the contestants that performed--and mostly blew it--last night. Its funny to see how excited the judges were back then, as compared to how brutal most of them sounded last night.

I'll mercifully--to me, not to you--fast forward the DVR through the usually painful group song. Equally as painful is the clips from last night, with most of the songs being butchered, and Simon telling Nick/Norm that he hopes he doesn't go through... which again, I have to say, why did they put him through to this round?

Seacrest holds some banter between the contestants and the judges, and talks about song selection with Jesse, who looks like a thinner, taller, more attractive Jeanine Garofalo.

First off The Couch of Anxiety is Allison. She did "Alone" and did that overdone song really, really well. Seacrest then calls Jesse down, after she did "Bette Davis Eyes". Then he calls down Matt the Welder, who did Tonic. Allison, Jessie and Matt the Welder stand together.

Who makes the cut, to the Stool of Destiny? Allison Iraheta. Rock on. I really like this chick, and am looking forward to seeing what she can do next. Honestly, that was pretty obvious how that would turn out.

Seacrest pulls down MLC and Kris Allen. MLC did the Corinne Bailey Rae song, while Kris Allen, who no one has really seen much of, did the weird version of "Man in the Mirror". Then Jenny V and Matt G come down. Jenny V has to know that she has no shot at this, probaby making her the most relaxed person in the room.

Seacrest then gives us the worst kept secret thusfar. He tells Jenny V to sit down. Then he tells Matt G to sit. Whats funny is Adam Lambert is not up here yet... he's going to be the last one chosen...

Finally, Kris Allen gets the nod to the Top 12. I disagree. He'll be out in the first two to three weeks. I'm going to fast forward again so I don't have to be creeped out by his "Man in the Mirror".

We get to see the montage of "retrospect" that we saw at the beginning of the season, including a shot of Pickles! I love Pickles!


It's always a good time to put a pic of Pickles on the site

And speaking of love, while I was at The Happiest Place in the Mall making magic, The Lovely Steph Leann shot me a text and told me someone I enjoyed was back on Idol... My Next American Idol Brooke White! I really loved this girl, she was just great...


Here's "I Am She Said" from last year's American Idol, featuring My Next American Idol Brooke White

And she tells Seacrest that the song she's about to sing is available on iTunes, as its her first single...

...guess what I just downloaded off of iTunes! It's "Hold Up My Heart" by My Next American Idol Brooke White!

Five more contestants sit on The Couch of Anxiety. Mishovanna, Kai, Adam, Nick/Norm and Jasmine all come down. I think I should probably think that Mishovanna is prettier than she actually is... but I don't think she's all that pretty...

He then tells Mishovanna, Kai and Jasmine they are all done, and go sit back on The Couch of Anxiety. That leaves Adam Lambert and Nick "Norman Gentle" Mitchell. America speaks, and does the right thing. After screwing up the presidential elections, they got this one right... though we kinda knew that Adam would make it through.

Next week, we'll see, among others, Nate the Pansy, Lil Rounds, Jorge Nunez, Kendall Beard, Blind Scott and Ju'not Joyner. I want Nate the Pansy to flame out so badly, but part of me feels guilty for saying that... because, remember, Nate "wants this soooo badly" and "music is everything to me".

______________________

THE PERFORMANCE SHOW
We have Idol tonight, and not last night, as last night was taken up by President B. Hussein Obama giving us hope, faith, love and a future.

Fox tonight! Its two new hours of American Idol! Fox Wednesday Idol blog starts right now!

THIS IS AMERICAN

IDOL

We are here at The Cabana, Yours Truly and The Lovely Steph Leann, ready to play judge and jury as a fresh group of contestants battle for our vote. Alexis, Mike the Welder and Danny "Yes, yes, his wife died, we know" Gokey are the first three in the Top 12 Finals.

And tonight? I was going to try and type all their names, but they are being announced too fast... so we'll just go one by one.

Let's start with Jasmine Murray, 17, from Columbus, Mississippi. She's going to sing one of the songs that I've been addicted to for a few weeks now, "love Song" by Sara Bareilles. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "It's a little low for her."

For me... Jasmine is doing okay. But not great. The Lovely Steph Leann's blanket stays where it is, wrapped tightly around her arms and neck, but still, she doesn't think it was all that great. I should get her a Snuggie.

Randy says "aight". Kara says, "All over the place". Paula agrees. Simon says, "You've got the attitude and the confidence, you just don't have a great voice. I don't think you are ready for this now."

In other news, I'm totally excited for "Race to Witch Mountain" mostly because of my mancrush on The Rock.



We're back! Next up is Matt Giraud. He's 23, from Kalamazoo, MI, and is doing "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. Did I mention he's a piano player? Not tonight, though... Matt comes out, and... and... I like this guy.

He's not Chris Martin, but he has the whole grab the mic, straddle the mic pole, suck on the mic like John Mayer, kind of rock star singer thing going on. However comma that last note at the end was a little rough, and The Lovely Steph Leann flinched slightly.

Kara says, "I'm just not blown away". Paula tries to give a compliment by complaining. Simon says, "It was verging on a horrible performance." Randy says he is still pulling for him.

Jeanine Vailes is a 28 year old bartender from Washington DC. She did well in Hollywood Week, and tonight, she's going to sing "This Love" by Maroon 5.

I can't decide if the shorts she is wearing are actually shorts, or a belt. The first note is not good... and she doesn't get any better. The Lovely Steph Leann mumbles from the blanket, "I think she's kind of flat..."

I don't like this performance at all, and as Jeanine continues, The Lovely Steph Leann actually grunts twice.

Paula says, "Um... great legs." This is when she is not wanting to say anything bad. Simon hated it, "but you do have very good legs". Randy agrees on the legs, but says it was completely the wrong song. Kara is looking for something else pretty about Jenny V there.

Personally, I think that Jenny V looks like a man trying, and succeeding, to dress like a man. Jenny V does say, though, "I felt like I had to come out and be heard, because no one has seen me or heard me so far." Randy says, "It would have helped if it were in tune" and The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Yes! Thank you! I am so glad someone agrees with me!"

But we should vote for her... because she wants this really badly, for so long.

We get told that Norman Gentle/Nick Mitchell is coming up. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Please let someone sing! This whole show has been sucky so far... these first three have been pretty painful."

So, here comes Nick/Norman. How he has made it this far is beyond me. I haven't really found him funny, though I can appreciate his trying.

I laugh loudly, though, as he starts as Norman Gentle, and is singing "Am I Am Telling You (that I am not going)" from Dreamgirls, a song that helped earn former Idol Jennifer Hudson an Oscar.

I gotta tell you... his voice isn't bad. And after the first three so far, he's been the most entertaining we've seen. But if I'm the other Idols, and he gets one of the Top 12 spots (and you know he will) I'd be pretty hacked off, because I'd think that he didn't earn it at all.

Simon says, "I pray you don't go through to the next round". YOU FOUR PUT HIM THROUGH!!! HOLY CRAP!!! YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!! Simon! Randy! Paula! Have you EVER SEEN THE SHOW???

Randy enjoyed it, and Kara says it was very memorable. Paula laughs, and Ryan comes out and says, "This is the first time that anyone has ever gotten to 2nd base with our logo." And Seacrest and Simon make another gay joke--which I think is hysterical.

So the first 3rd of the show, here's where I rank 'em.... Matt G, Jasmine, Jenny V, NickNorm

Did you know that Paula is dissing the idea of Kara being that fourth judge?

Here comes 16 year old Allison Iraheta, who is in a painful banter with Seacrest, before revealing that she's going to sing "Alone" by Heart. Both The Lovely Steph Leann and I look at each other, upon hearing this nugget, I say, "Oh no", and she gets wide-eyed.

Carrie Underwood sung it the best it can be sung on this show, so retire it now. Heart has other songs.



Allison Iraheta isn't slaughtering it like I thought she would be... it actually is the best of the night, though considering what we've gotten thusfar, that's not saying a ton. She starts good, she has it good, she sounds like she is yelling a little in the chorus, but still...

Randy says, "You done blew it out the box", which is a good thing. Kara likes it lots too. "You're great", Kara says. Paula says something about puppies and feathers and rainbows and blue skies. Simon? "You're the best so far, by a clear mile. You were so boring in your interview with Ryan, but turned it into an amazing performance."

I do notice she has very square teeth.

Countryboy Kris Allen, 23, from Arkansas takes the stage next. He's going to take on... what? What? "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson? What? The Lovely Steph Leann informs me that this is her favorite Michael Jackson song, which is news to me, because I didn't even know she had a favorite Michael Jackson song. What else do I not know about this woman, three days before our 5th anniversary? Hmm??

We used to do a parody of this song in high school, and sing "I'm talking to the man in the bathroom, I'm asking him hurry up..."

As far as Kris Allen goes, I'm not even sure how I feel about this... it might be the first time that an Idol has given me the McGriddle Effect. The Lovely Steph Leann has this dazed, blank expression on her face, looking confused.

Kara says the last part was better than the first part. This was totally the wrong song for this guy... Paula says that Kris Allen nailed it. Simon agrees with Paula. Really? Seriously? Randy says that Simon is partly right.

It was okay... but weird. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but with tonight, I'd rank it right behind Allison Iraheta.

Megan Corkrey, 23, is the one with the tattoos on her arm, Carly Smithson-esque. She's doing some "Put Your Record On" by Corrine Bailey Rae, and artist who came and suddenly has disappeared like the wind. Perhaps she'll hook up with Timbaland and have a Nelly Furtado comeback.

I'm struggling with whether I find MJC hot or not. I think the tattoos that look like she dipped her arm into blue paint up to her shoulder kinda throws me off. Carly Smithson-esque.

As for the song, I like it... its a fun song, and MJC has this cool raspy voice that is doing the song justice. And I like the fact I can call her MJC

Paula says, "you picked the right song, the camera is in love with you, puppies, butterflies, sunshine, puffy poofy clouds..." Simon says, "Your a funny little thing aren't you?" He says she oversang the second part of the song, but he's rooting for her. Randy says she's in a Duffy/Adele/Amy Winehouse genre, while Kara says with the right song, she could be a hit artist.

The Lovely Steph Leann? "Her dress is terrible"

And now, its Matt Breitzke, a welder from Oklahoma, 28. Matt the Welder is along the same lines as Mike the Oil Rigger, a hard working joe from America who can sing. He's singing "If You Could Only See" by Tonic.

The Lovely Steph Leann pokes fun at me sometimes, because Tonic and Matchbox 20 came out at the same time, with "If You Could Only See" and "Push", respectively, and I picked Tonic as the band that would last, and Matchbox 20 as the one hit wonder. Boy, was I wrong.

I like this guy. The Lovely Steph Leann does too, as her foot is moving to the beat. I like the song, but it sounds like most people sound when they sing it well... he's doing nothing new with the song.

Simon, however, really likes Matt the Welder, but hated the song. Randy says it was boring too. Kara repeats the others, saying "It didn't show a good side of you". Paula also says the same thing, with about 200 more words than necessary.

He doesn't have a prayer.

So here's my list after 8 contestants... Allison Iraheta, MJC, Kris Allen, Matt the Welder, Matt G, Jasmine, Jenny V, NickNorm

Jesse Langseth, single mom, 26. I really like this chick, and I want her to do well. She was the one who almost didn't make it, and had to do a sing-off at the last minute. She's singing "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes.

I, for one, have never been a fan of this song. I think the song is kinda boring, and kinda whiney... that being said, Jesse Langseth is singing it just as well as can be expected. And... I still like this chick.

Randy says "okay, but not exciting. It was only a five note range." Kara says "this is your best look", and truthfully--yes, she's pretty hot. Kara liked the song well enough. Jesse is bantering back and forth with the judges, and Paula has found her captivating in all rounds. Simon says, "I think your forgettable."

FYI, Jesse is the sister of Grammy winner blues artist Jonny Lang, who I've never heard actually sing.

Kai Kalama, who just looks cool. He's got the poofy afro, the toned skin, the stubble thing going on... he'll be singing Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted", and I have high hopes for this guy, taking old school.

Kai is singing it well enough... but its kinda boring. And forgettable. I like the song, I like Paul Carrick's cover from the 80s, but Kai is kinda boring me. I expected more.

Kara sighs, tells him she likes him, but that he had pitch issues, and the song was old fashioned. Yes! That's what I'm saying! Paula was all about him, handing him her hotel room key. Simon says it sounded just like a ton of other performances over the years--yes! I agree! Randy agrees with the others, calling it very safe.

I feel like I'm saying a foriegn when I say Misho... Michavonna... I don't even know where her first name ends and her last name starts. I stumble through her name, and end up saying something like "meet ya vagina". The Lovely Steph Leann looks at me and says, "yeah, that's not it."

She's doing "Drops of Jupiter" by Train, a fun song to sing, one I used to... wait... Mishavonna Henson! They finally showed it onscreen! Mishavonna! Who names their kids Mishavonna? Misha, I can see... but why put the -vonna on the end? Its only going to confuse bloggers like me into accidentally saying something naughty.

I didn't like the performance. Paula tells her that she's a fan of hers... but... didn't like the song choice. Simon tells her she's very serious and needs to warm up. Paula says, "I think it was the 'drops of Jupiter'" and then laughs at her own unfunny joke. Kara looks like she rolls her eyes. Randy didn't like the song choice either, while Paula continues to crack up. Kara wants her to loosen up.

Mishavonna says she chose it because it was different, and hopes to show America that she can be crazy.

To close the show, Adam Lambert, 27, from Hollywood, Cali. He's got the prime "last spot" on the show, and he looks like a pop star, so you can tell the producers have a plan when they put these people in order to sing.

"Satisfaction" by Rolling Stones is the song of choice... wow. "I wasn't expecting this at all," says The Lovely Steph Leann from under her chenille blanket on the couch. I wasn't either... and I was actually thinking he'd go Timberlake, or John Legend or Fall Out Boy or even Coldplay or something... the Stones?

I think this is terrible... simply terrible. I say this aloud and The Lovely Steph Leann lifts her head and just laughs... she didn't really like this song to begin with, but likes Adam Lambert, and "is just effortlessly singing this song, and there are some crazy notes in there... yeah, I drink the Adam Lambert Kool-Aid."

Paula loved loved loved it. She goes and snatches her hotel key from Kai, and then stuffs it down the front of Adam Lambert's tight pants. Simon is trying to figure out what to say, "Parts of which were excrutiatingly bad, and parts that were brilliant." He says, "you'll either like it or hate it." Randy loved it. Kara loved it.

Sigh. I loved Allison and really liked MJC and Jesse. As far as the guys go, I guess I'd have to give it Adam, begrudgingly.

Here's my thoughts on the show, and how I rank 'em... Allison Iraheta, MJC, Jesse Langseth, Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, Kai Kalama, Matt the Welder, Mishavonna, Matt G, Jasmine, Jenny V, NickNorm

Final note... on the recap clips, when they show a bit of each performance to jog your memory before voting, they show Jenny V singing "This love has taken control of me, she says goodbye..." and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yep, I am ready to say goodbye to you."

Results blog coming late Thursday night, after I get off work from The Happiest Place in the Mall!